


New to the neighbourhood

by bumblebee18



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-01
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-25 08:06:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 54
Words: 234,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/950715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bumblebee18/pseuds/bumblebee18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So this is something new I'm working on. Both Hope and Kelley play soccer, but Kelley is sixteen and Hope is twenty</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moving in

Early morning jogs were what kept me sane, my therapy. The rhytmic pounding of my feet against the road, the sound of my breathing, no music to distract me from my surroundings or my thoughts. Quite frankly if anyone was the ask me what I thought about on my runs I wouldn't be able to tell them, it just feels like the worries are dealt with and I have a new perspective yet I have no idea how I resolved the problem, and in some cases irritations.   

As I come around the corner heading for home I see a moving truck at one of the houses unloading furniture, I didn't even know the previous owners had left. I stop in front of the house I share with a teammate and the owner, I stretch before heading inside, "Did you have a good run?" "Yeah, did you see we have new neighbours?" "I was wondering when someone would move in this place was empty for almost a month" "Seriously?" "Yeah, how could you not notice that, aren't tou supposed to be observant Hope" "I'm observant of people not empty houses" "Eat breakfast so we can go to practice" "I'm eating"   

Why the hell did my parents have to move us to Seattle, it's cold and rains most of the time, how the hell am I supposed to improve my soccer when I can't even play in my own back yard? When I look out my window I see someone running past, heading to a house close by, why would you go out when it's drizzeling it could start pouring at any moment, even the people here are crazy. I turn back to my boxes, man this sucks, I'm going to be unpacking all day, why do I have so much stuff, wow I'm actually complaining about all my stuff, this place is getting to me already.   

"Kelley, lunch is ready!" "Coming Mom!" I run down the stairs jumping of the last three, "Don't do that you're going to hurt yourself" "Mom I'm fine, where are Jerry and Erin?" "They went with Dad" "Where to?" "The grocery store, we need a few things" "Aren't they eating with us?" "They already ate, you were still busy unpacking in your room when lunch was finished I thought you would have been done by now, but when you didn't come down I had to call you down" "Am I seriously the only one still unpacking?" "Yes, the rest of us have started with other rooms" "I'm sorry I'm almost done, promise." "It's alright, finish eating and get back to work" "Ok Mom" I ate my lunch and went back up to my room.   

Practice was brutal, and Carli nearly snapped my wrists in half, or at least it felt like it, but there was no stopping or taking it easy, we were halfway through the season and we had a good chance of qualifying for the semi's if we kept winning. After practice everyone went to the lockers with their group of friends, I walked by myself, lost in thought and most people kept their distance anyway just because...well people think I'm a bitch. And truth be told I am a bitch, the only friend I have is Carli, that's why she's the one living with me nobody else wanted to.   

"Carli, how long are you planning on being in the shower?" "Till I'm done" "I swear you use half the towns water to take a shower, hurry up I'm starving" "When aren't you starving?" "When I'm eating" "Smartass" I waited in the locker room for Carli to finish so we could go home and make dinner, it was my turn this week and I was looking forward to the chilli I had been preparing. "I'm done we can go now" "Finally, my stomach was starting to devour itself" "Stop exaggerating" "Just move your butt" we walked out to the car in silence "Are you ok" "Yeah sure why wouldn't I be" I said sarcastically "You'll get your chance to start, you're too good to just sit on the bench"   

"Really them why is it the place I have found myself all season, you do realise that right?" "Yeah, but Scurry is like the number one goalkeeper in the country, and you're a rookie" "I know that, but giving me a few minutes in a match at the beginning of the season would have been great, now I have no chance of getting on the field" "It's not that bad" "Says the person that has actually played on the field during a match" "You never know you could maybe get to play" "You and I both know that's not going to happen"   

The drive home was quiet, just listening to the radio, when we crossed under a bridge there were three homeless people huddled under it trying to stay out of the rain. My heart dropped and it felt like I was going to be sick, the whole drive I kept wondering,'Was one of those men my Father?' nobody knew he was homeless not even Carli. I was contemplating going back later to see if they were srill there and maybe bring him some food, if he was there.   

I was outside juggeling the ball with my feet, there didn't seem to be any other kids in this neighbourhood, or maybe they were just out enjoying their summer, with their friends, somewhere away from the rain. I was juggeling in the garage because surprise surprise it was raining, not heavily, but still raining, man this place sucks. A car drove by with two women inside, they stopped at a house down the road, when they got out, the darker haired woman looked in my direction, before going into the house.   

I went inside and helped my parents with some unpacking, Jerry and Erin were watching some TV, "How about I go start dinner Mom?" "That would be great, thank you" "Jerry! Erin! Move your butts and come help me" "With what!" "We're making dinner" Jerry came sprinting down the hall, "Can we make pizza?" "Yeah I guess, where is Erin?" "She went to the bathroom" "Ok, you start with the cheese and I'll make the dough when Erin gets here she'll make the sauce hers always taste the best" "Yeah!, today is awesome, I love this place!" "Seriously?" "Yeah, I mean look around you, it's so green, I'm not dying from the heat for once, there are barely any insects and best of all the beach!"   

I made my chilli and discreetly put some away to take out later, I had to go back, I had to find out if he was still here, he wasn't in his usual spot I went there the first day I got here, now I had no idea where he was. "Damn Hope this chilli is good, I think you need to cook it more often" "Uhm thanks" "So what are we doing tonight?" "I was actually thinking of going for a drive" "Can I join you? It'll give me a chance to see the place" "Uhm I was kinda hoping to go alone, do some thinking" "Oh ok sure". I finished my food and made a quick stop at the kitchen to get the food I put away before driving off.   

After dinner I was up in my room, the view was pretty nice actually with the lights from the city glistening in the distance, it was nice and quiet too until a car drove by with a blistering speed. Wow wonder what's happening there, looks like the car from up the road, but it's hard to say. Unpacking was pretty exhausting too, and there was still so much left to be done. I think I should go for a run tomorrow, get some sort of routine going, maybe explore a little bit, hopefully it won't be raining.   

I went back to the bridge stopping beside the road before getting out, I looked around trying to see if they were still here, I couldn't see anyone so I started walking back to the car, when out of nowhere someone stands up out of the grass. I nearly had a heart attack, he was obviously homeless and he smelled pretty bad too "Uhm hi, do you uh  maybe know a Jeffrey Solo?" "Now why would a nice looking girl like you be looking for that bum?" "That's my business" "That's fair enough I guess, I'm just a nobody" it made me feel a little bad for him "He...he's my father, ok" "Why didn't you say so, Jeffrey's usually down by the docks, I can show you where if you like" I was a bit aprehensive but for some reason I just had to find him.   

"Ok sure, get on in" we got into the car "So where to?" "Last I heard he was down at Affinity Marina" "You sure?" "I don't know if he is still there, but he used to be there" "Ok"  so here I was driving down to Affinity Marina looking for my father with a complete stranger in the car, what the hell is wrong with me? When we got there he took me over to where there was a fire, "Stay here ok? There are some shady people here" I could feel my heartbeat increase and I just nodded. He greeted a few people and stood around talking to them for a while.   

When he came back I could see on his face he didn't have good news "They say he hasn't been here for a couple of weeks now, and they don't seem to know where he is now" "Oh ok, thanks for trying....uh, I'm sorry I don't even know your name" "The names Charlie, and yours" "Hope, my names Hope" "Well isn't that just a perfect name" "I wouldn't really say that, but thanks Charlie I appreciate you trying" "Don't give up now, you'll find him" I gave him a ruefull smile "Thanks Charlie".   

When I got in the car I saw the food I bought I rolled down the window stuck my head out and yelled "Hey Charlie, do you need a ride back?" and I motioned him over, he came to me and said "No need, I'm going to stay here by the fire, but thanks" "Are you hungry?" "I'm homeless what do you think?" "Here I bought some food with me just in case, you can have it" "That's very kind of you". He quickly devoured the food and I felt bad for bringing so little when there was still so much left over at home. "You can come and see me anytime you want, amd feel free to bring more food" I smiled "I'll be seeing you around Charlie"


	2. Meeting new people

It was hard to get up so early after doing so much yesterday, but I have to go for a run, or actually I have to go find a route for a run, I should take my phone with just in case I get lost. I put on shorts and a shirt as I walk over to my look for my shoes I see it's drizzeling lightly, I sigh and put on some sweats with a jacket. I tie my shoes and as I leave my room I grab a cap when I get to the kitchen I write a letter in case anyone wakes up while I'm gone.   

We live near the end of the cultesack so I headed in the direction of the park, I remember passing it while in the car, I put my earphones in, stretch a bit and then I'm off. I am almost at the house which is on the corner, it's hard to see past it the house it has an abnormally high fence making it almost impossible to see over, especially when you are on the sidewalk like I was. As I was about to turn the corner I hit what felt like a wall and I fall backwards, using my arms to brace my fall, when I look up I see a dark haired woman with piercing blue eyes looking down at me.   

Just as I turn the corner something hits me, I hear a "Oooomph" before seeing a girl falling backwards, I somehow manage not to fall, and walk over to see if she is ok. I look down and all I see are freckles, "You ok?" "Uhm, yeah I guess" I stick my hand out to help her up. I pull her up, she is still holding onto my hand, she starts shaking my hand I look down at it before looking at her face again.   

I realised I was still holding on to her hand, so I tried passing it off as a handshake, she quickly looked down at our hands before looking back up at me "Hi, I'm Kelley" "Hope" I waited a beat, but that was all she said "You hope I'm ok?" I didn't understand why she just said hope, she laughed and I didn't understand why "Well that is something new, my name is Hope.......but I also hope you are ok". I was so flustered I started babbeling like an idiot.   

"Oh right sorry, that makes sense, I have no idea what I was thinking, I mean why else would you say hope if it wasn't your name especially if I had just introduced myself? What was I thinking? It's just a rare name I guess I've never met anyone else with the name, so it's a rare name for me" "Ok ok, first let go of my hand" "Oh right, sorry" and I let her hand go "Now come on I'll walk you home, just to make sure you are ok, make sure you don't have some brain damage. And I would suggest cleaning the scrapes on your hands" "You don't have to walk me home I'm fine" "I would feel better if I did, it kind of is my fault you fell" "Not really, I should have been paying attention to where I  was going" "And so should I" "I'm ok really"   

"I'm headed that way anyway so I'll walk with you" "How do you know where I live?" she looked at me with a raised eyebrow, "I've never seen you before and yesterday there was a moving truck at number 11. Thus I assume you are now living in number 11, and it looks like you were just heading out for a run and this is a cultesack" "Oh, yeah right" and she started walking down the sidewalk. I stand there for a little while, before I run after her and got into step with her, I was trying to say something but it didn't seem like she was interested in talking.   

When we got to my house she stopped "Here you are, hope your scrapes aren't too bad" she was turning to leave "Thanks, I hope to run into you again......just not literally" she just turned her head "Yeah" and kept walking down to her house. When I got into the house my dad was in the kitchen, "back from your run already?" "Uh, no I kinda fell.......after I ran into someone" "Are you serious?, are you ok?" "Yeah, nothing serious. I'm just going to go take a shower" "Ok, breakfast should be ready when you are done" "Ok thanks Dad"   

Carli and I headed out to the field, getting ready for practice, "I'll see you after" "Yeah, see you in the lockers later". I already know I'm not playing Saturday and I could see Scurry was going to give me a hard time "Hey Hope, you having a good day so far?" "Yeah, it's been fine so far, how about yours" "It seems to be getting better" "Really why is that" "Cause we are having practice of course" "Riiiight". We started with our warm-ups.   

"Come on rookie let's see what you got" I walked to my spot between the goalposts and waited for Phil to start taking shots, I blocked a couple but a few went in. The few that went past me got my blood boiling, I missed them because of stupid little mistakes and in big games you can't make those kind of mistakes. Scurry was next "Watch and learn rookie, watch and learn". Those words got my blood boiling again, yes I was still a rookie, but there is no need to rub it in, and her tone of voice just bugged me. She saved a lot more than I did and internally I was beating myself up.   

After taking a shower I felt some stiffness still on my left side, I touched the side of my ribs up to my shoulder and it hurt a little, and first I thought it was because of a save I made then suddenly I remember 'Freckles'. I'm going to have to go to the trainer for this, hopefully it's nothing serious and I can just put some ice on it. I'm quiet on the drive home and Carli notices "What's up?" I sigh "I sucked today, like really badly" "I think you are blowing it out of proportion" "No I'm not, I'm so much quicker than her, yet she still makes better saves than me" "That's because she has experience, you'll get there" "Not with her around" "Where else are you going to go?" "I don't know all I know is that I don't want to stay on the team with her" "I don't get it, she is never mean to you" "It's not what she says, but more how she says it, like I am a five year old who doesn't understand a word of English" "Well chin up, we still have our team run later." "Joy"   

After my shower I plopped down on the couch and sighed, "I'm so bored" and I blew a strand of hair out of my face, "Let's go do something Erin, pleeeeeease" she looked at me with bleary eyes, "I just woke up Kell, I'm really not in the mood" "Not right now....after breakfast" "How do you have so much energy, especially after yesterdays unpacking" "It must have been the fresh air this morning" "You were outside already? It's like seven thirty" "Yeah, I tried going for a run". She laughs at me "What, did you get lost?" I laugh sarcastically "No, I just uhm sort of ran into someone....actually more like jogged" she laughs even harder at me "Only you Kell only you"   

"So we are going to the park right?" "Yes Kell, gosh, would you stop pestering me already" "Yesss, it's cool if I take my soccer ball with me right, we can kick it around a little" "Yes it's fine as long as Jerry plays too" "Jer doesn't have a problem with it, right Jer" "Yeah, whatever" "Ok, so can we go now" "You're not going to stop until we leave are you?" "No" "Fine let's just go" "Don't look so down, it's going to be fun" "Yeah yeah"   When we got to the park the sun was shining, it was warm and there wasn't a cloud in the sky, perfect weather for being outside. We tried to stay out of the way of other people not wanting to bother them, we made a triangle and kick the ball to each other, talking while still taking in our surrounding, there weren't many other kids outside. As we were kicking the ball we saw a group of people jogging by, they were wearing 'Seatlle Reign' shirts, "Erin, check it out those are the Reign players" "Who?" "The Reign players, professional soccer players" "So?" "Why am I the only one excited about this?". When the group was almost past us I saw her, Hope, she was a soccer player holy shit that's awesome! I ran to Erin "That's the woman I ran into this morning" "Which one?" "The tall one with the long black hair, in the middle of the group" "The one that looks so bitchy?" "Yeah, her".   

"Wow, how are you still alive" "O come on, she wasn't that bad, she was nice actually" "Doesn't look like it" "I just can't believe I ran into a professional soccer player, no wonder it felt like running into a wall" "I still can't believe you ran into a person". "It's not that hard, especially with corners" "Hey, are you two going to keep chatting or are we going to play some soceer" "I'm tired of this you two can play" "Ok, come on Jerry let's play a little one on one" "Bring it Kelley, you need to learn how to lose" "O please Jerry, you can't even kick the ball straight" "Ouch, low blow".

After spending most of the afternoon at the park we finally went home, I was still so excited about Hope, "Mom can we go watch a soccer match?" "That depends on when and where it is" "There is a professional soccer team that play in Seatlle" "I didn't know that" "Well, you guys aren't really that interested in soccer" "Well I'm sure we can get tickets to go" "Thanks Mom" "I would love to go with you, but I'm not so sure about the rest of them" "It's ok, I'm just glad I can go watch a match. It's going to be so cool"   

I was exhausted after practice, and my side was kind of sore, just perfect. "Hey I'm going out for a bit, I'll be back before dinner" I left before anyone could reply, I headed straight for the bridge hoping to find some more information. I stop in the same spot as yesterday and approached the bridge carefully, I looked around to see if anyone was there, when I came close to the bush where Charlie jumped up the first time I kind of craned my neck to see if he was there, but nothing. I was heading back to the car when I heard my name   

"Where you looking for me?" I couldn't keep the smirk from my face "Actually I was hoping to meet someone else, but you will do I suppose" "And I thought I was special" "Not that special" I cleared my throat. "So uhm, have you found anything out yet?" "I asked around, it seems like most people haven't seen him for a while. Are you sure he is still in Seatlle?" the question actually surprised me I hadn't even thought if that what if he wasn't here anymore. "Uhm I don't know last I heard he was in Seatlle" "Well I guess we'll just keep looking then, right?" "We?" "Well unless you don't want me to, I can stop looking" "No! I don't want you to do that" "Well then it's a we" "Yeah, I guess so". I was feeling very nervous all of a sudden, I don't really like relying on anyone for anything, and I didn't really like how much it seemed Charlie was enjoying this.   

"Uhm Charlie, can I ask you something?" "Sure" "Why are you helping me exactly?" he looked at me and said "Well let's just say that I wasn't always homeless, and if it wasn't for your dad I may not have survived the first couple of nights. But I didn't quite agree with his violent tendancies to get food, so I lost contact with him. But to be honest I'm in it mostly for the food now, or at least I hope to get some food out of this" "You know my dad?" "Knew your dad". I was speechless he actually knows my dad, most likely better than I do, "That's all you care about, you don't mind me using you for some food?" "Everyone uses everyone else, at least you are up front about it"   

"Wow, people can be nice just to be nice" "Suuuuure, give me an example" "Well when people give me money, or food I can't give them anything back" "Yeah, but the only reason they give it to you is to make them feel better not you. People are selfish, I've made peace with it already" "Ok, why are you looking for him anyway, doesn't seem like you need him". "To be honest it has nothing to do with you, but I have something important to tell him, and I need him to hear it" "Well alright then, if it's important I'll keep looking, just try and take it easy" "Thanks Charlie, but I have to go, I'll come by tomorrow ok" "Ok, see you again"   

The following morning I woke up really early, my alarm hadn't even gone off it was only six but I was wide awake so I decided to get up and try going for a jog again. I went downstairs and wrote a letter again just in case I wasn't back when someone woke up, I put on my cap before leaving the house. When I got to the end of the driveway Hope runs by me, I run after her "Hey" she turns her head "Morning". Now I wasn't so sure that I wanted to keep talking to her she seemed a little pissed off, "Uhm, would you mind if I run with you, I don't really know the area and you seem like you know where to go" she frowned and kept looking ahead and after what felt like forever she said "It's fine, just keep up and shut up" "Yeah sure I can do that"   

We ran in total silence, the scowl on her face seemed like it wasn't going to go away, but as we got farther and farther away from the house , she seemed to get more and more relaxed. I was starting to get a little worried I had no idea where we were and how to get back, and I had no idea how far we were going to go. "Uhm how far are we going?" it looked like she had completely forgotten that I was there, "We are already halfway, we're going to turn pretty soon and it will take us back" "Ok"   

After some more silence she said "I'm sorry about before,  I didn't mean to be rude I just have a lot on my mind" "It's ok don't worry about it" we ran some more and the surroundings start to look fimiliar. "We are almost done, are you still ok" "Yeah, I'm still fine, this was pretty fun" "Yeah I guess" "Can I ask you something?" "Yeah ok" "Do you play for the Seattle Reign?" "Yes and no" "What does that mean?" "Well I'm on the team but I haven't played yet. Wait why did you ask that?" "Oh,  I saw you yesterday in the park with the rest of the team. It sucks that you haven't played yet, but I knew I hadn't seen you play before, I have been watching the games, I actually like the Reign, but my favourite team is Sky Blue"   

"You're actually a soccer fan?" "Yeah, I play myself and love it, and now that we are living here I could watch some games live" "You know the season is almost over?" "Yeah, but there is a game being played Saturday, I asked my mother if she can get some tickets, I really want to go and watch it" "Yeah?" "Yeah, it would be great if I can go" "Maybe I can get you some tickets it's always nice to have a fan of the sport come and watch....even if I don't agree with you team choice" she smirked when she said that. "Really! That would be so awesome I would really appreciate it, and just so you know I think the Reign is going to win the championship"   

"What makes you say that?" "They just have spirit, although I don't like their goalkeeper, she is good but sometimes it looks like she loses focus, like she doesn't know what is going on and when that happens the whole defence is vunerable, that's pretty much their only weakness" I was totally surprised by her soccer knowledge, she was very perceptive, the coaches have been grilling Scurry about her lack of focus during games. And other teams were starting to notice, she's just lucky they haven't been able to score yet because of it. "I can't believe you notice that, what position do you play?" by now we had stopped outside her house and were just talking "I'm a forward"   

"Aaaah now that explains it" "What?" "That you could see her weakness so easily it's pretty much your job" "Yeah, that's true I guess, do you uhm mind if I tag along again tomorrow?" "I actually enjoyed your company, if you want to come you are more than welcome to" "Great, I'll see you tomorrow then, same time?" "Yeah, see you tomorrow" I ran down to my house thinking I can't believe that someone so young didn't annoy me, especially since most people annoy the living daylights out of me. I get into the shower and get ready for pracrice.   

"Mom, if I can get tickets to the soccer match can we go?" "When would this soccer match be?" "Saturday" "That's only four days away" "I know, but I really want to go it's a semi final match between the Reign and Kansas City" "And what time would this match be" "I think it starts at seven, but I'm not totally sure" "I'll tall to your dad about it, but I don't think it will be a problem, that is if you can get tickets" "Ok, thanks mom" I went upstairs to take a shower I was really sweaty. When I finished my shower I went downstairs, my mother had finished breakfast and asked me if I wanted to go to our school with her, since I had nothing else to do so I agreed to go with her, actually excited to see what it looks like.   

The school was bigger than our last school and I was worried that I would get lost, we even struggled to find the office. When we finally get there my mother fills in the neccesary paperwork while I look at some of the pictures hanging on the walls, I was disappointed when I didn't even see one soccer picture, I hope they have soccer here it would suck so much if they didn't. I look at some of the trophies and am relieved to see there are indeed soccer trophies for boys and girls, thank god. I look at some of the pictures of the teachers, mostly they look nice, except for one picture he just looked plain mean. I look down at the name Mr. Morrison, I hope he isn't as mean as he looks.

The next morning I met Hope at the end of the driveway again, we ran in silence again I could see she was tense, she barely looked at me, but just like yesterday the farther we ran, the more relaxed she got. I was staring at her a little wondering what has her so tense early in the mornings. "Stop staring at me" I blushed a little "Sorry" we kept running, I still had no idea where we were, we didn't take the same route as yesterday "Where are we?" "About three miles from your house" "That still doesn't really answer my question" "I don't know how else to explain it" "Maybe like we are near the mall or on arrow street, or something along those lines" "Well we are not near a mall or on arrow street"   

When we got back to my house she was about to keep running when she stopped "Do you still want those tickets?" "Yeah! I would love them, if you can get them, I'll pay you back" "Don't worry about it, come by later and I'll give them to you" "Really!? Thank you so much!" she ran up to me and gave me a hug. This was the first time anyone has hugged me in years, and for the first time since I can remember I didn't feel like pulling away. "I'm sorry, I'm just so happy that I get to go" "Uhm" I cleared my throat, "It's ok, just come by after five and I'll have them for you" "I feel like hugging you again" I took a step back not really sure if I could handle another  hug "But I won't, I'll just see you later" "Yeah, see you later" I turned around quickly and ran the rest of the way.   

My heart was beating in my chest, it felt like it was going to burst through my rib cage, I couldn't breathe, it felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I was slumped against the door trying to breathe but I just couldn't, what the hell is happening to me seriously, I walked to the kitchen trying to take deep breaths  I felt like I was going to pass out Carli looked out of the kitchen and saw me, she came rushing out "Are you ok?" All I could do was shake my head. When she tried to touch me, I pulled away "Do you have asthma?" again I shook my head, no"   Marion then came in, "Is she ok?" when she came closer I felt even more panicked and moved away from them, I can see her talking to Carli but she is whispering, Carli runs up the stairs, my vision is becoming blurry Marions shoves and inhaler in my face, "Use it!". 

I used the inhaler even though I don't have asthma but I started to feel better I could breathe again, "What the hell just happened to you?" "I have no idea, I think I have asthma, since the inhaler helped" "No, you had a panick attack I just tricked you into thinking you have asthma" "How do you know I had a panick attack" "Well I am a doctor, and you had all the classic symptoms of a panic attack, what happened on your run to give you a panick attack?" "Nothing" "Something must have happened" "Wait you're a doctor?" "Geez Carli, don't you pay any attention at all, and again nothing happened" "Ok, but I have to go to work, call me if anything happens again ok?" "Yeah sure, thanks" "No, problem see you guys later"   

"So what happened?" "Nothing" "No one has a panic attack over nothing" "I don't have anything to tell, seriously Carli I'm fine" "Fine, when you want to talk let me know ok" "I'm fine". I have no idea what the hell just happened, why did I have a panic attack? I get into the shower and the warm water relaxes me, all the tension in my shoulders dissipate.   

I watch her head to her house making sure I know where to go later since I totally forgot to ask her in which house she lives. "Hey mom, I got some tickets, is it still alright if we go on Saturday?" "You got tickets already?" "Yeah, I'm going to pick them up later" "So how many tickets did you get" I stare at my mother, shit I don't know how many tickets Hope got, "Uhm, two? Maybe three?" "You don't know?" "Not really, Hope said she would get them for me" "Who is Hope?" "She lives down the street and is a player on the team" "Wow really, and how did you get her to get you tickets?" "We were just talking about soccer and she said she could get me some tickets. I said I would pay her back but she said it wasn't neccesary" "Well that's nice of her, maybe you should take her a pie or something, as a thank you" "Mom she is an athlete, I don't think giving her a pie is the best thing"   

"Ok well then, invite her over for dinner, just ask her what she likes and can eat so I know what to make" "Seriously mom" "Yes, just say I insisted, I'm sure she would love to come, she can even invite some of her friends, ask her if tomorrow night would be alright" "Fine, just don't be embarrasing" my mother smiles at me and says "I wouldn't dream of it". I groan before leaving the kitchen and laying down on the couch, I glance at the clock, it's still only two, man this day is too long.   

I walk slowly down to her house, it's still a little early, but I couldn't sit still anymore. I knock on the door and wait for someone to answer, a brown haired woman opens up the door, "No, we are not interested in cookies" "I'm sorry, what?" "Aren't you selling cookies, like a girl scout?" "No, uhm I'm actually looking for Hope, is she here?" "Yeah, hang on a second. Hope someone is at the door for you!". I stand outside waiting for her, "Hey Kelley, come on in, I'll go and grab the tickets"   

I sit down on the couch waiting with the brown haired girl, I'm nervous so I introduce myself, "Hi I'm Kelley" she looks at me with a bored expression on her face "So you are the one she is getting the tickets for. Who are you exactly?" "Uhm, a new neighbour?" "Is that a question?" "No, I'm just a new neighbour" "Then why did she get you the tickets?" "I asked her to" "Ok, I'm Carli by the way" "It's nice to meet you" Holy shit it's Carli Lloyd, she looks so different in real life, or maybe it's just the horrible quality of the streams. I couldn't keep the smile from my face.   

Hope came back and gave me three tickets "I hope three is alright" "Oh no yeah that's totally fine, thank you so much" "No problem" "So uhm, my mother said I had to invite you over for dinner, as a thank you, is tomorrow night alright?" "It's really not necessary" I sighed. "Please just say yes, cause she is going to make me come over here until you say yes" "Is she really that bad?" "Let's just say it is her southern hospitality" she looks at Carli who only shrugs her shoulders.   

"Yeah ok, tomorrow night, what time?" "I have no idea, can I just call you with all the details?" "Uhm sure" she hands me her phone and I save my number "I'm also supposed to ask what you are allowed to eat?" "Anything really, but obviously lean meats and vegetables are best" "Ok, thanks again for the tickets" she hugs me again, and I am frozen in place, Carli has a shocked look on her face. "Sorry I'm just excited, I mean I got to meet Carli Lloyd, and I got tickets to the semi final. And best of all I have Hope Solo's number, that's totally cool, I would ask for autographs but that would make me feel like an idiot. I'll just do it at the game like the rest of the fangirls"   

I can't contain my laughter when she says that, "Ok, you are babbeling again" "Right sorry I'll shut up, see you guys tomorrow night" "Wait I'm invited too?" "Yeah, my mom said you could invite anyone just give her a number, and I'm sure Carli would like to come too, my mom is an amazing cook" "Yeah, she would never say no to free food, can Marion come too?" "Yeah, I'm sure that would be fine".   

As soon as Kelley left Carli was all over me "Who is that, and don't lie to me" "What? She's a neighbours kid" "I'm not an idiot, she hugged you, no one hugs you and you don't hug anyone" "It's just a hug Carli" "Then let me hug you" "No" "Why not" "Cause I don't want you to" "But she can hug you?" "I wasn't expecting it, and I didn't want to hurt her feeling" "Since when do you care about other people's feelings?" "I don't but she is just a kid, get off my back already" "Just remember that she is a kid" "What is that supposed to mean?" "Think about it"   

"Geez Carli, it's nothing like that" "Then explain it to me" "Well you met her, she is just so bubbly, I like her and that is rare" "So you do like her" "I like you too Carli, doesn't mean anything"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long I got a little busy and I had some trouble writing this, I'm still not completely happy with this, but I can't seem to fix it. So hope you guys like it.


	3. Dinner and a show

Hope and I were going on a run again this morning, I was waiting at the end of the driveway stretching while I waited. As she walked up I could see she was tense....again,what is with this girl, does she always wake up on the wrong side of the bed. "Hey" "Hi" she replied rather harshly, "Ok then" we started running and I could see, just like before, her shoulders start to relax the farther we ran.. "Sorry, I'm a little stressed" "It's ok, I get it" "You really shouldn't be so nice" "I'm not being nice, I get it, sometimes life just seems crappy" "Crappy is not really the word I would use"   

I didn't know how to reply so I remained silent, it was quiet today all I could hear was the thudding of our feet against the road. "You could try talking to a friend, they are known to make you feel better" "That implies that I have a friend" "Are you saying you don't?" "Not someone close enough for me to talk to about my problem" "Come on it can't be that bad" "I hate to be judged, or looked at like I'm fragile" she snapped. She tensed immediately, so I changed the topic.   

Damnit I shouldn't have said that, now she is going to want to know more, "Have you invited anymore friends to tonight?" I wasn't expecting that. "Uhm no, it's just going to be Carli and Marion" "Who is Marion, is she on the team?", "No, we are actually living in her house, but she is a doctor" "How did that happen?" "The league is still new and there isn't enough money for housing, so they asked people in the city if they would be willing to let some players stay with them. Marion took us in"   "So you're saying that if we moved here sooner, you could have stayed with us?" I laughed, "I would think that your parents have a say in that but maybe" "Damn, I'm always late to everything" "Really, you look like a 'ten minutes early' type of person" "I am,, but for some reason I'm always late, just my luck I suppose" "Or maybe it's because you don't really want to wait ten minutes" "Maybe" and I smiled at her.   

When we got back to her house I waved goodbye before heading down to my house; when I walked in the door Marion was sleeping on the couch, must have been a long shift. I make some coffee and take a cup over to her setting it down on the coffe table, after a few seconds she opens her eyes. "O my god, coffffeeeee, thank you so much. And it's the good stuff too" "Yup, nice and strong just the way we like it"; Carli walks down the stairs still looking asleep "I have no idea how you drink that stuff, it's disgusting" "It's good, you have no sense of taste, you don't even eat cereal" "Yeah, who doesn't eat cereal" "Cereal gets mushy, and everything is touching everything else, it creeps me out"   

"You have problems, I don't understand how you can't eat food that is touching other food, you are going to eat it, it's going to get mixed up and mushy in your mouth, what does it matter?" "It just does ok" "Use your words Carli" "I just woke up I can't think yet". Marion and I burst out laughing, "What's your excuse the rest of the time?" "Oh shut up". I finished my coffee and head upstairs for a shower.   

'Hey, my mom wants to know, if it is still only you three coming, and is roasted chicken and vegetables fine, with dessert of course' 'Hey, yeah still just us. And that sounds delicious' 'Cool see you tonight'.   

I was kind of excited for tonight, I was going to share a table with Hope and Carli, professional soccer players; man I want to be one someday. "Kelley, are you going to help or not!" "Coming mom!". I ran downstairs, "So what am I doing?" "Start peeling the potatoes, and an onion" "Got it". When everything was in the oven cooking I went back to my room to get dressed, why is this so hard it's just dinner. I was rummaging around in my closet when Erin came in.   

"What are you doing?" "Looking for something to wear" "Just wear your normal clothes" "I can't" "Why not?" "Because we are having dinner with Hope, Carli and Marion" "And why can't you just wear anything" "I just told you" "I still don't get it" "Ok let me put it like this how would you dress if you were having dinner with Lolo Jones or Allyson Felix, your favourite track stars?" "Ok, point taken, but still just wear some jeans and a nice shirt." "I got the jeans I need a nice shirt". Erin gets next to me in the closet, "Here take this green shirt makes your eyes pop and your hair looks extra nice in it" "Thanks"   

I rang the doorbell and we stood outside waiting for someone to open up. Kelley opens the door and we introduced her to Marion. The dinner table was set up and there were even flowers, "Hey guys this is Hope, Carli and Marion. These are my parents, my sister Erin and my brother Jerry" "Hi, it's nice to meet you all" we greeted. "Uhm, we brought a bottle of wine and some flowers, we weren't really sure what to bring" "Oh, there really was no need to bring anything but thank you, we can have some of the wine tonight, and I'll get these flowers in some water".   

We stood there a little awkwardly not sure what to do, "Can I get you guys anything to drink?" Kelley offered "Uhm, just water for me thanks" "Me too" "Would it be bad if I asked for a beer?" Carli and I laughed at Marion. "A girl that drinks beer? I like you already, I'll have one too Kell" "Ok, is that all, Erin, Jerry you guys want anything?" "No thanks" "I'm good" "Ok, so two waters and two beers coming right up."   

I liked Kelley's family, they were nice and full of jokes; now I know where she gets it from. "Ok dinner is served, come and get it" we went into the dining room and it smelled delicious "Wow Mrs O'Hara, that smells devine" "Yeah honey, that smells so good" and her dad gave her mom a quick kiss, I could hear all three of them groan "Guys stop being embarrasing" "Sorry about our parents, sometimes they think they are still teenagers" "Thank you Hope, I'm hoping it tastes as good as it smells, and please just call me Karen. And just excuse our teenagers they are......well teenagers".   

Dinner was good nobody was talking really, they were too busy eating, "So Hope and Carli play soccer, what do you do Marion?" she quickly finished chewing before answering "I'm a doctor at the hospital" "Really, that's interesting, at which hospital do you work?" "I work at the Seattle Children's Hospital, I'm a Pediatrician." "Isn't that hard, you know working with children" "It get's difficult sometimes, but it's always worth it." "You're a pediatrician?" "Geez Carli, have a look around the house for once"   

Everyone laughed even Carli. The conversations we had were great and it looked like everyone enjoyed themselves, "How about some dessert, some ice cream amd fruit" "That would be nice" "Do you need some help mom?" "No it's fine". The ice cream was so good I was sure it wasn't store bought "This ice cream is so good, where did you get it?" "I actually made it myself" "No wonder it's so good" "I don't know how your family isn't rolling down the steet, your cooking is fantastic Karin" "Thank you, I'm glad you liked it" "Dinner was great" "It was, and now I feel terrible because I have to go, I have an early shift tomorrow" "Oh well, you have to work. There is still alot of food left, I'll give you some to take home" "Thank you Karin, that's really nice of you" "You are welcome" "Thank you for inviting us over for dinner, it was really nice of you" "You girls are welcome anytime, we should do this again sometime" "Yeah, this was fun"   

I really enjoyed myself tonight, which is a rare thing, I usually like to be by myself. "That was fun, but I don't think I'll be able to run tomorrow, I'm so full" "Me too, but the food was so good" "I'm going up to bed, thanks for inviting me guys." "Sure no problem, goodnight" "Night"   

I was so excited for today, it was going to be great, I love spending time with my mother and sister. We were spending the whole day together, first lunch, then a movie, followed by a little shopping and then some soccer. We had a great time, and were still laughing when we entered the stadium. The seats Hope got us were pretty good, they were very close to the pitch "We're so close, we'll probably be able to touch them, this is just so cool" "Ok keep your pants on, you're practically hyperventilating and the match hasn't even started yet" "I know, I'm just excited" "We know" they said in unison.

I was on the bench with the rest of the substitutes when the national anthem was being played, I was looking forward to the match, it was going to be a good one, even if I wasn't playing. From the start it was a physical match and the ball went from one side of the pitch to the other. It was almost halftime and there still hadn't been any goals, the Kansas team had another breakaway; Scurry came out and made the save, but she and the forward collided...hard. They were both down on the pitch "Come on get up" the players on the field were blocking my view I had no idea what was going on.   

The coach came over and put his hand on my shoulder "Go warm up, you're going in" I stared at him for a bit, my mind was blank. I don't know how, but I started warming up, after a little while I was substituted in. The looks on the people faces where blank, they were most likely thinking 'who is this', as I was jogging over to the goal I heard someone shouting my name, I turned and saw Kelley with her mother and sister. "Go show them what you've got Hope!" I smiled while still running to the goal, I can do this.   

The whistle blew and the first half was over, my heart was beating like crazy and I was sweating like a pig, so far I didn't have to make a save but I was still scared I was going to mess it up and cause us to lose. I don't really know what the coach said to us in the lockers, I remember him talking but I have no idea what about.  We head out to the field again and the second half is underway, I see the two forwards heading up the field, the attack is on and it's heading straight for me, I can feel my heart rate increase, I start moving my feet and following the ball with my eyes and body.   

There is a gap in my defense I tried to close it, but it's too late, the shot is fired and somehow the ball ends up in my hands, holy shit I caught it, I look up and see Carli open, I kick the ball to her and just hope for the best. She gets fouled and we have a free kick just outside the box, Abby steps up to take it, the ball goes around the wall, but Isom stops it, I was hoping for a goal to get some of the pressure off, but no such luck. There is still some more back and forth with one long range shot coming in, but nothing to bad and no ball went past me.   

After extra time we were still tied, heading to penalties, great just great, I'm not very good at taking penalties, guess I was going to learn how to improve today. I was in goal first, I barely moved before the ball hit the back of the net, this is not going to go well. We scored as well and I was back ready for the next shot, I went the wrong way and the ball was in the back of the net, as I walk to the side I hear Kelley yell "Come on you can do better than that, make them scared of you".   

She was right they didn't know me I needed to show them I can do this, when I walked back again I walked with confidence holding my head up high, when I stood on my line I gave the palyer walking up a look that could kill, saying 'I dare you to get the ball past me' without saying a word, I don't know when I decided to dive right, but I did and the ball hit my hands before rolling out. I jumped up pumped as hell, I stopped it holy shit I stopped it. That one save was all it took to get us to the final.   

When all my teammates came running at my I froze, I didn't want to be hugged by all these people, I don't do hugs, I almost ran away from them I held up my hands to stop them, and surprisingly they stopped running at me, "I don't do hugs!" I knew this probably looked weird, but I don't like people touching me, it makes my skin crawl. I shook hands with the other players, and was surprised to find out that some of the fans actually wanted to have a picture taken with me, it was a little overwhelming but I obliged. That was until I was ushered away by security, herded back to the locker room.   

Everyone was excited, we were going to the final, and I finally got some playing time, I was out on the pitch and it was amazing. "Good job out there Hope, I knew we could count on you" "Thanks."  They were drinking champagne and dancing, I hated dancing, I'm not very coordinated, so I stood of to the side a little trying to stay out of the way and trying my hardest not to get roped into anything. The champagne bottles were sent around but I barely took a sip, I didn't want to dim this high I was on with alcohol, it was probably the best feeling in the world and I want to feel it again.   

I ate breakfast quickly the next morning, I put some eggs and toast in a paper bag and headed for the bridge, I had no idea if Charlie was going to be there I hadn't gone to see him in two days, I just couldn't make it out there. I waited in the car for a little bit and soon enough Charlie came walking up to the car 

"Hey there, long time no see" "It was just two days Charlie, I couldn't get out here" "It's ok, it gave me some time to look into a couple of leads" "That's good, but I thought I would hold up my end of the deal" I handed him the bag "Some breakfast". He smiled and opened the bag "Eggs and toast, I haven't had this in years"   I waited for him to finish eating before getting right to it "So do you have any news for me?" "I do actually, but I'm not sure how reliable it is. I've been hearing that he goes to a soup kitchen on 6th Ave. I went there yesterday but I didn't see him." "Has anyone there seen him?" "I asked some of the regulars amd they said he hasn't been there in a couple of days, but that wasn't out of the ordinary" "So maybe you found him?" "Maybe" "Thanks Cahrlie"   

I got back in my car "Hey wait, what are you going to do now?" "I'm going to go volunteer at a soup kitchen on 6th Ave." "And what if he shows up today" "Then I get to say what I need to say" "And if he doesn't?" "Then we keep looking and I keep going back. I headed straight for the soup kitchen, not really sure when they started serving food and if I would even be able to help, but I had to try.   

Everyone there was very helpfull and friendly and I was relieved to hear that they never had enough volunteers on Sundays. I was shown where most of the things were and told what I needed to do till lunch started, which was two hours away. Everyone around me was frantically busy and I tried helping as much as I could, if he didn't show up today I needed to be able to come back. I was chopping up some carrots when I heard a familiar voice, I turned my head and there was Karin.   

She saw me before I could say or do anything, "Hope it's so nice to see you" she walked over and gave me a hug, what is it with the O'Hara's I just can't seem to escape their hugs, but again I actually enjoyed the hug. "Hi Mrs. O'Hara, nice to see you again" "I told you to call me Karin. Glad to see you up so early, especially after last night, you were great by the way. Kelley couldn't stop talking about it, so thank you for the tickets" "O it was a pleasure, I'm glad she had fun" "She is still running around here somewhere"   

"Kelley is here" "Yes, we do this every Sunday as a family, help the less fortunate. Keeps us thankfull for what we do have" "Wow, that's a great thing to do" "Well let's get back to work, this food isn't going to get cooked and served all by itself" I have no idea where she went, but I didn't see her or Kelley till the food was being served.   

I thought my mom was joking when she said that Hope was here, but there she was, getting ready to serve some food to people. "Hey, now this is a surprise" "Hey, why do you say that?" "You just didn't strike me as a volunteer type of person" "Really, and what type of person do you think I am?" "The totally badass goalkeeper type" I laughed, only she could make it sound so ridiculous, and amazing at the same time.   "Well then I guess you have me all figured out" "Nah, I don't think so, there is way too much to you" "Well I'm surprised to see you here too" "And why is that?" "You're a teenager, aren't you supposed to sleep in late and give your parents hell?" "I don't do that" "Why not?" "Well I would miss my morning runs with a great friend if I slept in, and that just won't do.. And my parents are great no need to give them hell" "Mmmm seems I still have a lot to learn about you then" "Looks like it"   

We were talking so much neither of us realised that we were being watched by a pair of angry unforgiving eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a little slow, but I have a pretty good idea of where I want this story to go, so bear with me and I hope you enjoy. Feedback is welcomed.


	4. The season ends

When we got to practice on Monday everyone was talking about Scurry's injury, or rather injuries, a broken wrist and some bruised ribs. I was kind of happy she was injured, but not because she was injured but because it meant I got to play, maybe it was a little selfish of me, but I didn't want to wait months before I got another chance to step on the pitch in an actual game.   

For the first time since playing for the Reign, I was enjoying it, like I used to. I didn't have to worry about some remarks from Scurry, I could actually focus on what I was supposed to do which was stopping the ball from going into the back of the net. "I don't know what you had for breakfast this morning, but I suggest you eat it again. You were on fire today, good job, but we still need to work on your diving and distribution" "Yeah, ok" I huffed out.   

When I got to the driver side of the car I saw a note pushed into the side of the door, barely noticable. I pulled it out and put it in my pocket, before getting in with Carli and heading home. When I get to my room I open the note 'We need to talk, C', how the hell did Charlie find me. Wow he has really good penmanship I shake my head, why does that even matter. It just makes me wonder what he used to do for a living.   

School is starting in two weeks and my mom decides that today we are going school supply shopping, I wanted to go hang out at the park kick the ball around a little I guess that's not going to happen. We literally spent the whole day looking for everything, I couldn't understand why it took all day until I realised we were walking all over looking for Erin's school outfits.   

"Didn't you just complain that your closet was too small?" "Yeah?" "Then why are you buying more clothes?" "Cause I need new outfits" "What's wrong with your old ones" "Exactly that, they're old" "Nobody here knows you so how would they know their old?" "It doesn't matter if they know, I know" "You know I could have been outside right now with a ball at my feet, istead I'm walking around in the mall looking at clothes I don't like" "Well I went to a soccer match I didn't want to go to, so I guess we're even"   

I went to the bridge and waited for Charlie, I knew he would come to me eventually. After about half an hour I saw him walking up in my rearview mirror, "What's up Charlie?" he gets into the car. "We need to talk, take a drive, I don't want people to see us". I start the car and drive with no real destination in mind "What's wrong?" "He knows you're looking for him" "Oookay?" "He's mad Hope, everyone stopped talking, I don't think I can help you anymore" "Are you scared of him?" "Yes! He's a bad guy, I know he's your dad but I think you should stop looking for him" "You don't have to tell me he's a bad guy, I know that, but I can't leave this alone Charlie" "Why?"   

"It's none of your business, if this is all I'll just drop you off here" I stopped the car and waited for him to get out, I could see the shocked look on his face "You can get out now Charlie" he opens the door and gets out "I really think you should stop Hope" "Here's your sandwich Charlie", I tossed it out the window at him,  "You really are his daughter". I looked at him "You have no idea what I've been through" and I drove off. Angry at myself for acting the way he would, the person I hate the most and disappointed in myself at the same time.   

I can't wait for school to start, just two more weeks I'm just dying of boredom, I just wish I could go hang out with someone, watch a movie, make jokes eat food that's bad for me but tastes sooo good. Instead I was sitting on my bed surfing the web, looking for something interesting to do and downloading some new songs. I checked my facebook and  felt sad when I saw pictures of my friends back in Georgia spending their summer at the lake, I missed them I missed going to the lake, I miss the fires we made and making smores. I haven't talked to them in a while, I should call and catch up.   

I had a smile on my face when I came down for dinner, "Well someone's in a good mood" "Yeah, I talked to Jessica, Shannon and Nina" "Ah, that explains all the laughing, how are they?" "They're good, I miss them" "I'm sure they miss you too" "Yeah, so what's for dinner" I ask rubbing my hands together, "I'm starving"   

The next morning I was stretching when Hope came by, she had a scowl on her face and barely stopped for me"Good morning" I was in a good mood after yesterday, maybe I can rub off on her, she didn't say anything just nodded her head. I was tired and we were only half way, she was running faster than usual amd this time she was still tense, even more so then when we started. My thighs were burning, it felt like there were balls in my calves, I needed to stop.   

"Hey, whoa can we stop for a bit" and I stopped running, my lungs burning it hurt to breathe, she stopped a little ahead of me, but she was pacing, shaking her hands and kicking her feet out in front of her. She was still tense and looked really angry "Uhm..are you....ok?" I huffed out, I can't remember the last time I was this out of breath, guess I'm not as fit as I thought I was "Yeah, totally fine" she wasn't even breathing hard.   

"Ok, so then what's with the super speed today?" "Listen I need to go, will you be able to get back from here" she was already jogging in place, "Yeah, I know how to get back" "Ok, see you around" and she went sprinting off, I was kind of shocked that she just left me there. I was hunched over still breathing heavily trying to catch my breath. I started walking back, and pretty soon I was jogging again, when I got home my mother was in the kitchen "You went by yourself this morning?" "No, I went with Hope, but I don't know she seemed distracted. She was running too fast for me, I had to stop and she couldn't seem to wait for me" "That's odd, maybe she is just stressed about the final?" "Yeah, maybe, but I'm going to go take a shower"   

My mind was racing, what Charlie said yesterday is still haunting me, am I really so much like him? I've tried my best to not be like him, he has influenced my life enough, he has taken too much from me already, I can't turn into what he wanted, I just can't be like him. When I think about Kelley my stomach drops, I shouldn't have left her, that's not the person I want to be, that's not who I am. I run faster getting angry at myself just the mere thought of him changes me and I hate it.   

I don't know how far I ran but it has been more than an hour, I should head home I still have to go to practice today. "You're late" "I know, I'll take a quick shower and we can leave" I ran upstairs to the bathroom "I'll make you a sandwich" Carli yelled after me. I was in and out I didn't even dry my hair properly, I just tied it up and went downstairs. "Let's go" Carli was right behind me with the keys and a sandwich, "You actually made me a sandwich?" "I said I would" "Thank you"   

I ate on the way, but I could see Carli looking at me wearily, I sighed "What is it?" "Nothing" "Then stop looking at me like that" "Like what" "Like you want to say something, but you don't know how" it looked like she was deep in thought "What's bothering you" I tensed "Nothing" "Then why are you lying to me" "I'm not" "Then why did you hide the piece of paper yesterday" "What piece of paper?". She can't know about the note.   

"You know what, I can't help you if you don't talk to me" "What makes you think I need help?" she raised her voice "Because you can't give me a straight answer! I like you, you're a nice person, but sometimes it's like there are two different people living inside your head" I swallowed, or tried to my mouth was so dry I didn't know how to respond "I...uhm...yeah...ok, I have issues, who doesn't?" "I know everyone has issues, but I'm your friend aren't I?" "Yes" "So then trust me to help you" "I....I " I turned to her "I just....can't, it will change everything" she looked at me, I could see the concern on her face. She slowly reached out and put her hand on my shoulder I tensed and I knew she could feel it, but I did everything not to pull away. After a couple of seconds I couldn't take it anymore and I pulled away gently "You know I'm here for you?" "Yeah"   

It was Friday and we had to pack for the final, it was in Portland and we were leaving in a few hours. I was waiting for Carli, after our conversation it was kind of weird she kept looking at me with what I assume is hope, I didn't really know what she wanted from me, but there was no way I was going to tell her, nobody is going to hear it from me. "Carli come on, we're going to be late" "I'm coming, I'm coming"   

This was my first start, I didn't want to screw it up, I wanted to win, we all did. Standing there with my team singing the national anthem filled me with such pride, I can't even explain it, it felt like my chest was going to burst with pride. We had a couple of chances early on, but we didn't score and now they were heading this way, I kept my eyes on the ball moving with it, getting my feet moving, the shot was taken outside the box, it looked like it was going to go over the bar, but I couldn't take that chance. I jumped and my fingers touched the ball sending it over the crossbar.   

That was about all that happened in the first half, with most of the pushing and shoving happening on the other side of the field. We had most of the possession, but it just seemed like we couldn't score, the shots were all over the place and it looked like only two were on target. Everyone was frustrated in the locker room everything was going good except for the finishing, amd we can't win if we can't score. Some substitutions were made and hopefully this would help us.   

The whistle blew and it was over, no matter how hard we tried and how good we played, we just couldn't score. So we lost after everything that happened this season, after a dismal start and barely making the playoffs we lost. I was mad at myself for letting the ball past me, I wanted to win so badly and I let everyone down, the team depended on me and I let them down. I just stood in the shower letting the water flow down me, how I wished that all my problems could just flow down me like the water, but it's never that easy is it? The bus ride back was terrible, the mood was sombre and no one was talking, it was making me feel even worse cause it made me feel like everyone was blaming me too.

 I couldn't believe they lost, they were the better team and they deserved to win, just goes to show that the beautiful game of soccer is always unpredictable, but I felt sad when I saw Hope, it was just a quick flash to her but the disappointment was written all over her face and body, her shoulder were slumped and she was dragging her feet. "They lost huh" "Yeah" "That's too bad, I was hoping they would win, they're such nice girls""Yeah, they are, I just hope they will be ok" "They're athletes I'm sure they will be fine, this isn't the first time they lost, and it won't be the last" "I know, but the losses in finals hurt more than the other"   

I couldn't sleep I was tossing and turning the whole night, replaying the match in my head, wondering if I had run forward earlier would they still have scored? Or would it have been better if I had just waited for the shot. I couldn't stay in bed so I went for a drive, probably not the best idea in the middel of the night, but I just felt like I had to move I couldn't be still. I was just driving not sure where I was going, and I wasn't really paying attention to where I was either. When I took a look around I realised that I was close to the bridge, I felt guilty about how I talked to Charlie and thought I should apologise.   

I knew that I wasn't going to stop if he wasn't there, but I was at least going to look for him, it didn't seem like he was there so I kept going. I stopped at a nearby gas station, filling up the tank I looked at the conveniece store, maybe I should get something to chew on. I got myself some sweets, as I walk out I see someone standing near the car, I approach carefully trying to figure out who it was, I sighed in relief when I saw it was Charlie.   

"Hey, Charlie, I was looking for you" "Yeah, why is that" "You know why. I wanted to apologise, I shouldn't have done what I did, I'm sorry" "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have said what I said" "Then why did you?" "I guess I was shocked, I didn't expect it, I'm sorry I said it, it's not true" "I am like him sometimes" "No you're not,  he is mean because he can be, you were mean because you were angry" "Doesn't change the fact that I acted like an asshole" "Doesn't change it but I can understand it" "You want to get something to eat?" "I'm always starving" he smiled at me "Come on, get in"   

The drive was quiet "A diner, you know I stink right?" "Yes I can smell you, but I'm not cooking right now, and besides I'm paying so shut up and come on" it looked like he wasn't going to get out, but he did. "Ok I know I'm paying but do you have to order half of the menu?" "I'm hungry and like you said, you're paying, besides people are looking at me and I want to be distracted" "They are going to stare more when they see all the food" "I don't care I'll be too busy eating" "Unbelieveable"   

"Do you want to know what scares me the most about your dad" "What" "His eyes, it's like he doesn't have a soul anymore, there is nothing there when you look into his eyes. It's probably the scariest thing I have ever seen, just thinking about it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. You don't have that, yeah you can look at me scarily, but you can't hide the emotion" "Thanks Charlie, can I ask you something" "Sure go ahead"   

"How did you end up on the streets" "Aah my life story" the food arrived and Charlie was eating, not looking at me, well I guess that was it. "I used to be pretty succesfull, I worked at a marketing firm. But then the recession hit and I lost my job, I couldn't pay anything so I lost mt house and that's how I ended up on the street." "I'm sorry about that" "Worst part is that I was really good at my job, I miss it" "Yeah that must suck" "And once I got on the streets it was pretty much inpossible to get out,  I can't look for a job and even if I could, I don't have nice clothes, I stink, I haven't had my hair cut or a shave in over a year, who is going to hire me"   

"That's tough Charlie" "Yeah, I've made peace with it, the good thing about life on the street is that it really makes you realise who you are, lucky for me I like who I am" "That's because you're a good person" "So are you, and don't let anyone tell you different".   

I was at the end of the driveway already waiting for Hope, suddenly she stopped in her car "Hey, I'm sorry, I'm just going to go get dressed and I'll be back" "Ok" wonder where she could have been this early, when she comes running up she actually looks happy. "Gooood morning" "Morning, someone is in a good mood" "Yeah I am" "I would have thought you would have been in a bad mood after the loss" "I was in a bad mood, I guess I got a little perspective on things and now it doesn't seem so bad anymore" "I'm glad you are in such a good mood" "Why is that?" "Because now I won't have to run like a crazy person"   

I felt guilty again "Look I'm really sorry about the other day, I shouldn't have done that" "It's ok, I get that you were stressed" "No, it's not ok, and you shouldn't be ok with it" "But I am, sometimes we just need a little space, and sometimes we need to run, like hell is chasing us" "You know you are too nice for your own good" "I like being nice, when I'm nice other people are nice to me". I shake my head, "You're weird" "But you like me, right?" "For some strange reason I do"   

That was a great run, and now I have nothing to do, one more week and this boredom will end, I was on the couch channel surfing when I got a text from Hope 'Hey, are you busy?' I was excited to get a text from her 'No, I am sooooooo bored' after a little while I got a reply 'Good get your butt outside, we are going to play some soccer in the park, bring your gear.' 'I am in!!'. I ran upstairs and threw my cleats into a bag along with a towel and some water bottles, I also put some shorts on, jeans weren't going to work. "Hey mom, I'm going to go play some soccer see you later" "Ok, just remember your phone" shoot I forgot my phone upstairs "Thanks mom, I almost forgot it" "Have fun"   

I was waiting on the porch, not sure when we were going, Hope and Carli pull up in their car "See Carli, that's someone that is ready to go, not still putting her socks on" "We still have to get to the park, I'll be ready by then" I smiled these two have such a weird relationship. "Hey Carli, how are things" "Busy" "That's good....right" "Sure is" I was a little uncomfortable now I cleared my throat "So what will you guys be doing till the next season starts" "Well I have a couple of camps and games with the national team, I don't know what Hope is planning on" "Wow that's great, congratulations on the call up" "Thanks" "I'm not sure yet, but I wamt to keep playing"   

We got to the park and there were a few other players there, holy shit, I get to play with professionals. "Hey guys, this is Kelley she plays soccer too and was bored" I blushed and waved "Hi" "And we also needed one more player, so everyone still ok with 5v5" "Yeah, sounds good" "Just one question, who is the other goalie?" "Isom is, guess she's not here yet, I'll call her quickly" "Nice, she's good" I was still in shock I can't believe where I am right now, this is so awesome. I was a little zoned out "Hey Kelley, you might want to put your cleats on" "Oh right"   

At first I was still nervous, but once I started playing I forgot who I was playing with and I just played like I always did. This was so much fun I can't remember the last time I had this much fun playing, but it was also really hard cause they were faster than I was use to but I adjusted pretty quickly, or at least I think I did. We took a little break and drank some water "You're pretty fast with a ball" "Oh thanks Lisa" her Australian accent was pretty cool, we started playing again and I actually got a chance to take a shot, which I did of course "Ooooh and the teenager takes a shot" "Nice shot by the way" I was blushing "Thanks"   

I was so tired when I got home, I hadn't played a game in a long time, but it was so much fun. I plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV, maybe I should go take a shower, yeah, that would probably be best I was really sweaty. When I head upstairs I run into my mother "Looks like you had some fun" "It was amazing, I can't believe how cool today was" "I'm glad you enjoyed it" "I'm going to go take a shower"   

It was Sunday again and I was planning on going to the soup kitchen again, even if he doesn't show up, I'm going to show him, I'm not just going to give up. I needed to kill some time so I decided to check my emails, I ususally don't check it on Sundays, but I had nothing to do. I had an email from my manager, which is really weird since we didn't have a lot to talk about with the season being at and end, when I open it my mouth flies open. Holy shit, this is pretty cool, a club in Sweden wants me to go play for them, but should I go? What else am I going to do, this can only improve my game and if I want to play for the national team that is what I need to do. I want to be the number one goalie.   

Wow am I actually going to go to Sweden? How am I going to communicate with my teammates if they don't speak English? They must have thought of this before giving me the offer right? So I emailed my manager asking him some of the questions that I had, I was still a little flabbergasted as I headed to the soup kitchen.   The manager at the soup kitchen looked like he was happy to see me, and like the last time, I was asked to peel some vegetables and this time I even got a chance to do some cooking which was pretty hard because it was so much food that needed to be cooked at the same time. When I carry some of the food out I run into Kelley "Oh sorry, almost ran you over there" "Yeah, maybe you should watch where you are going" I said playfully, "Yeah yeah, see you later Solo"   

After getting all the food out , the doors are opened and pretty soon the place is full of people. Kelley and I are serving again and having a nice conversation "I'm happy school is starting, I'll finally have something to do" "Yeah, it's called homework" "Urg, I was talking about playing soccer again, I can't wait to get out on the field" "So no brainiac awards for you then" "Says who, I'm pretty good academically" "What is pretty good" "Pretty good, is pretty good" "Oh, come on give me a average, straight A's or mostly B's?" "Mmmmm, let's say mostly straight A's and a few B's"" "Good job" "Thanks"   

I was dipping the spoon in the mash when the person in front of me talked "You finished flirting there darling" my blood ran cold when I heard that voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finally know where I want to go with this story, hope you enjoy this chapter. And as always feedback is welcome


	5. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm putting a trigger warning on this chapter, I'm not sure if it would be able to trigger someone, but I'd rather be safe than sorry

I dropped the spoon, I look at the person standing in front of me, he looks exactly the same, dirtier and thinner than what I remeber, but there is no way to miss that it's him. He is still a big guy, bigger than me.   

I was scared again, it was like no time had passed and I felt like a little girl again. My heart was beating so fast it felt like I was going to pass out, it felt like I couldn't breathe. "Hey are you ok?" "I...uhm...I'm....I'll...be ok" "Oh what's the mattter Hopey, I thought you wanted to see me?" he had that same smirk on his face, that smirk that to this day still scares me. He gave Kelley a look that I knew all too well, and I could see that see was nervous, it made me angry that he was still the same monster "I have to talk to you" the anger was coursing through my body "Stay here" I said to Kelley.   

We walked outside "I like the little girl, what's her name?" "Now listen to me, I was looking for you for one reason and one reason only. Judy died, about three months ago and for some unknown reason she wanted you to know. I have no idea what she ever saw in you" "Why would I care if she died, she was just some woman, the quesrion is would you try so hard to tell me that?" "Because I made her a promise, and unlike you I keep my promises" he smiled at me "But I did keep my promises, don't you remember"   

He reached out with his hand, but I slapped it away "I am not some scared little girl anymore, and if you think I even think about you anymore you are sadly mistaken""Aaaahhh, of course I still scare you, it's written all over your face" "You can think what you like, I kept my promise" I was about to turn around and leave "You don't get rid of me that easily, I kind of like being in your life again" the tone of his voice sent chills down my spine   

"You were never part of my life, you were the secret I kept because I was ashamed of what you did to me, a father is supposed to keep their daughter safe, he is supposed to love her, not to destroy every notion of what it is to be a child." I am starting to yell "You stole my innocence, you stole my trust, you stole my childhood, you stole my ability to act like a normal person, amd worst of all you stole the person I was supposed to become, I will never have the chance to be thay person, because of YOU!. What you did was disgusting, do all your little homeless friends know what you did to your daughter? Even murderers hate molesters, what does that say about you?" the last part I whispered, even though he was the bad guy I was still ashamed of what happened.   

"This is cute, you're trying to threaten me , let me show you how it's done. That girl in there seems really sweet and innocent, but you know how easily I take away innocence and let's not forget about Charlie, you know life on the streets can be pretty hard, and 'accidents' do happen" I knew he wasn't kidding and it made me so angry but it scared me too, what if he really hurts Kelley.   

"Stay away from them, they didn't do anything to you" "Of course they didn't, but that's not the point of my threat is it. Hurting them hurts you, you are so much like Judy it's kind of pathetic, I have no idea why I let her get pregnant with two kids when one was already a huge mistake" "What do you want" "Oh you know, just a little common courtesy, some money every now and then a place to stay won't hurt, you know the little things" is he serious "I can't help you" "Of course you can, I'm your father"  "You are a sperm donor, that is it"   

"Dad, I think something is wrong" "What's up?" "Some guy started talking to Hope and they went outside, but she seemed really upset" "Do you know who he is?" "He looks homeless dad, and she looked scared" "Ok, stay here and I'll go check it out" "Thanks dad"   

From the window I could see Hope arguing with the man, it looked intense, I could see that my dad was almost next to Hope by now, all af a sudden she punches the guy right in the nose, holy shit that had to hurt. He was writhing on the ground  holding his nose and Hope was standing over him clearly saying something to him, my dad then came closer and also said something to him before taking Hope away, leaving him on the ground. Who is this guy and why is she so mad at him.   

"Come now, do I really need to hurt the kid before you help me" I couldn't hold in my anger anymore and I punched him as hard as I could, he fell to the ground blood flowing from his nose, I stood over him and said "Stay away from Kelley and Charlie" I saw someone out of the corner of my eye "You stay away from my daughter or a broken nose is going to be the least of your worries"   

When we got back inside Dan went to get some ice for my hand "Does it hurt" Kelley asked, "I think I may have broken a finger" "But other then that you're  fine right?" "I will be.....eventually" Dan came back with some ice and he put it on my hand, "Shit that hurts" it felt like my hand was on fire and someone was repeatedly sticking needles in my knuckle and finger. "I think we need to get that checked out" "Yeah, ok" "I'll go tell mom where we are going, I'll be right back"   

I was walking with Dan to the car, "Who was that and why was he threatening Kelley?" "He's my father, and he was trying to get me to help him." "Your father? What did he want?" "He wanted me to help him, there is no way that is happening" Even I could hear the venom in my voice. It seemed like he knew that something happened "Thanks for standing up for Kelley by the way" I smiled at him "No problem" as we reach the car Kelley comes running up, "Mom says we should call when we get to the hospital" "Ok, come on get in then" I handed the keys to Dan because I sure as hell couldn't drive.   

We waited at the emrgency room for almost two hours, by then Karen, Erin and Jerry had joined us, Karen even bought some food for us, I ate a little but I wasn't very hungry, I was still kind of  rattled by what had happened, but I wasn't going to let him back into my life he wasn't welcome. When the doctor finally got to me I felt exhausted, he examined the finger and knuckle before sending me for some x-rays, I was really hoping it wasn't broken, if it is I may not be able to go to Sweden, and after today, I really really want to go. When he came back with my x-rays, he said that I was lucky, my finger wasn't broken but I did sprain it, he put the finger in a splint and gave me some painkillers before sending me home.   

My dad and I drove Hope back home, she looked really tired, I wanted to say something but I didn't really know what to say, I don't know what happened but clearly it was serious. My dad kept looking at her through the corner of his eye, I could see he was worried, but there was also something else, the only way I can describe it is  gratitude. He caught my eye in the rearview mirror and smiled at me.   

When I got to the house I thanked Dan and Kelley for taking me to the hospital and then bringng me home, they left and I collapsed on my bed totally exhausted and pretty soon I was consumed by sleep.   

"Dad is she going to be ok?" "She's a strong person, I think it will take a little time, but she'll be fine" "What happened today?" "You know it's not really my place to say" "You're really not going to tell me" "It's really not my place to say,I don't think she would appreciate it. How would you feel if someone betrayed your trust?" "Yeah ok, I wouldn't be very happy about it"   

The next morning I was waiting for Hope again, I wasn't sure if she would show up but I wanted to be here in case she did show up, and she did. "Hey, how's the finger?" "Hey, it's fine, I guess" this was the first time our conversation was kind of awkward, "You ready to go then, I have a new route I want to try" "Oh, yeah sure let's go". As we ran I realised that this was the first time she didn't seem tense and there was no scowl on her face, "I'm glad to see you are doing so good after yesterday" "I'm....I'm not really sure how I'm doing, I don't reslly feel anything" "Can I ask you who that was?" "Uhm, I...are you scared of me after yesterday?" "No way, that was totally badass" "Would you still think that if you knew he was my father?"

Whoa that was her dad, I don't think I would ever hit my dad. Why was she so mad at him, "Ok so maybe it's not so cool anymore, why did you do it?" "My father is a bad guy" "How bad can he be?" "Can you promise me something" she looked really nervous right now "It depends on what it is" "If you see him again, don't try to talk to him just avoid him. Just walk away ok, promise me" "Ok, is he really that bad" "I punched him in the face Kelley, he is a bad person, so please stay away" "Yeah ok I will" she looked scared, and I hated that.   

"Do we still have far to go, school is starting today I don't want to be late" "Oh right I totally forgot, are you excited" "Yeeesssss I cannot wait" "Well someone is a nerd" "Yes I love school, so sue me, but it keeps me busy and I get to hang out with friends, what's not to like" "Ok that's fair, school has it advantages, but what about homework and mean teachers, or bullies. Or the cafeteria food, is it still as bad as I remember?" "Well I have no idea what the food tastes like here, but back in Georgia it wasn't that bad, I have never had a problem with bullies, homework does suck, but it's part of what makes school school and I'm too nice for people to be mean to me"   

I laughed at her last statement, but it was also true it was really hard to be mean to her, "I'm actually shocked at how true thay statement is" "I know I'm a shocker" "Yeah, you're practically electricity" "Oh no, boo that was bad" "Yeah, the moment I said it I knew it was terrible, but in my defence there is no comeback to that" "Ok, I'll give you that. So what are you going to be doing while I'm at school" "Uhm, I'm going to a meeting" "Really, sounds interesting who are you meeting?" "My manager"   

"Cool" "Yeah, we have a few thing to talk about" "Like what?" "I'm thinking about playing overseas" Whao what?" "Yeah, I got an offer from a club in Sweden" "That is so cool, Sweden holy crap" "I know, that was my reaction" "So what club will you be playing for" "Göteborg, man I hope I pronounced that right" "Ha imagine if you totally mispronouncing it in front of all your teammates" "It would be so embarrasing" "Man I wish I could be there to see that. Do you have any idea when you're leaving" "No, not yet"   

On the drive to school I was pretty nervous, what if I can't make friends? What if I'm weird to them? What if they don't like me? "Ok guys we're here, I'll pick you up after school, and try to have fun" "Yeah, we'll try" "And remeber to go to the office first" she yelled at is as we got out "Thanks mom". "Do you think anyone else heard that" "It was impossible for them not to" "Yeah, that's probably why everyone is staring" "Well at least now they won't be asking 'Hey are you the new kid?' the whole day" "That's the spirit, look at the positives"    
We trudges to the office, thank god I came here with mom last time I would be so lost right now.This place is so huge, I don't think I will ever get used to it, at the office we get a map and our class schedule, "Ok, well I'll see you guys at lunch, I need to find my English class" "Yeah, I have biology, who has biology for first period?" "You do, now get going".   

I was looking at the map trying to figure out how to get to English when I ran into a small girl with long black hair, "Oh sorry I wasn't looking where I was going" "It's ok" she looked at me , "Hey, are you new here?" I guess not everyone heard my mom this morning "Uhm, yeah, hi I'm Kelley O'Hara, nice to meet you" "Hi I'm Ali Riley, it's nice to meet you too. Can I help you find your class?" "Oh man yeah, that would be so great, I have English with Mrs. Jones? I have no idea where that is" "Hey, me too, you can walk with me. What else do you have?"   

"Uhm, I have Maths with Mr. Morrison, Biology with Mrs. Woo, Science with Mr. Barber, Gym with Mr. Anderson, History with Mr. White....yeah that's it" "No way, that's all the classes I have" "Really?" "Yeah, so I'll just show you around then" "I would appreciate it" "Sure come on or else we are going to be late" "Yeah ok"   

"So where are you from?" "We moved here from Georgia" "I knew I heard an accent in there" "Yeah, guilty" "Do you do any sports?" "Yeah, I play soccer, how about you?" "No way, me too. What position do you play?" "I'm a forward, you?" "Nice, I'm a right back" "That's pretty cool"   

When I got into my managers office the first thing he asked is what happened to my hand, I kind of lied and told him I fell, I didn't want him to know what really happened. "How long do you need to have the splint on" "Just two weeks" "Ok so it's nothing serious?" "No nothing too bad" "Ok good, so you are sure about this" "Yes, I'm sure, I want to go" "Ok good cause they are serious about getting you, and I think it would be good for you too, the league has been there for a couple of years,so it's a bit more stable" "Yeah, I know that's why I want to go" "Ok, so I'll contact them and tell them you are interested and we'll get the ball rolling" "Ok yeah sounds great". We talked some more about how everything would work and I left after about an hour.   

I went to the store to get a thank you gift for Kelley's family to thank them for taking me to the hospital and taking me home as well, and I was in a good mood so I wanted to do something nice for them. When I was driving back I made a stop at the Reign offices because I needed to tell them about my plans of going to Sweden, while I was waiting I heard that they were actually looking for a new marketing manager, I immediately thought of Charlie, would they even hire him?   

After informing the Reign of my plans and giving them my managers number so they could figure everything out. I also asked about the marketing position trying to find out what they were looking for, I told them about Charlie, not that he was homeless, but that he did marketing, and they wanted to know if he could come in for an interview. I said I would talk to him and I was planning on helping him get clean and looking good for his interview, maybe this would be what he needs to get off the streets.   

From the offices I went to the bridge looking for Charlie, I wanted to tell him the good news, or at least what I though was good news. He looked around for him but I didn't see him, and there was no one else there so I went home, planning on returning later. I went home and made me some lunch, Carli wasn't there anymore she was in Boston at a camp, and Marion was still at work so I watched some TV and ate my lunch.   

I would have been completely lost if it wasn't for Ali, and I even met some of the other girls that are on the soccer team, it was great. At lunch I met up with Erin and Jerry, they seemed to have adjusted well, they had made friends already which was good.   

I went back to the bridge later that day, luckily Charlie was there, "Hey, didn't think I would see you again" "Hey, yeah, didn't think it I would need to find you again" "So what can I help you with this time" "Actually, I think I'll be able to help you" "With what?" "I got you an interview for a job" "Are you serious?" "Yeah, so when will you be able to go in" "I don't know, I'll have to check my calendar. Mmmmmn I'm busy tomorrow I have some dumpsterdiving to do and I also have to stand around a fire for some warmth, but other than that I'm free" "Ok so tomorrow then?" "I guess so"   

"So you can come clean up at my place, and we could also print out your resumè, I'm pretty sure you are going to need it" "Just one question? What is the job?" "The marketing manager for the Seatlle Reign football club" "What! Are you serious, they're never going to hire me" "Why not?" "I haven't done any marketing work in a year and I'm homeless" "You're a good worker, I'm sure the marketing world hasn't changed so much that you won't know what you are doing. And you can put the homeless thing on your resumè, it will give them the reason for why you haven't worked in a year"   

"I don't think they will hire me if I put that on there" "I don't know what else you are going to do, and besides I already told them that you are good at what you do" "And how would you know that" "The internet, I googled you, it sucks what happened to you" "Don't I know it. Yeah ok sure I'll do it, can't hurt right?" "That's the spirit. Now get in so we can get you cleaned up, and get all your stuff ready for tomorrow. I'll call Steve and tell him you'll be there tomorrow" "Ok"   

"Wow Charlie you clean up nice, we need to get you some nice clothes though "I can't let you do that" "It's not like I'm going to get you a thousand dollar suit, just something nice" "I don't know how I'll be able to repay you" "Just get that job and get off the street, that would make me happy" "Thanks Hope, I really don't know how to thank you" he had tears in his eyes. Shit I don't do well with people crying, it makes me feel so uncomfortable, I don't really know how to confort someone"Uhm, no need Charlie"   

I was so nervous the next day, you would have thought I was having the interview, I sat in the waiting room waiting for Charlie. He came out after almost an hour, I thought that was a good sign, but I've never had do have an interview before so I had no idea. "So how was it?" "They still have some more people to interview.I have to wait a week to find out, but I'm not keeping my hopes up." "I'm sorry Charlie, I really wanted you to get it" "Thanks for everything though, it really made me feel like a normal person again"   

When I was driving back home I saw Dan pulling up their driveway, I stil had the gift I wanted to give him. "Hang on a sec Charlie, I'll be right back" I stopped on the curb and got out quickly "Hi Dan, can I have a second please" "Hope, sure, what can I do for you?" "I have something for you, and your family" and I handed him the gift "It's nothing big, but I just wanted to say thank you for helping me on Sunday" "Oh thanks, but it really wasn't neccesary, how's the hand?" "I wanted to. It's not too bad, it'll be good as new pretty soon" "That's good to hear" "Yeah, but I have to go now, thanks again" "Sure no problem. Uhm you should come by for dinner again, it was nice having you here" "Uhm, yeah sure that would be nice".   

"Ok Charlie, I'm sorry but this is the last night I can have you here" "It's no problem, I appreciate what you've done for me, I don't think I can ever repay your kindness" "Helping you makes me feel normal again, so I guess we're even"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's the chapter I hope you liked it and as usual feedback is welcome and encouraged :) Thanks for reading.


	6. Danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long life got a little busy. I'm putting a warning for violence, but it's not very graphic.

It has been a couple of days now and Hope was acting very weird, we haven't gone on a run together for five days now, I still go every day, and I still hope she will show up, but she doesn't. When I send texts to see how she is, they are ignored, I didn't know if she was busy or she just didn't want to reply. I have even tried going down to the house but I don't get an answer when I knock, I'm starting to wonder if she even liked spending time with me or if I was just some strange project that she has abandoned.   

She was at our house for dinner the last time I saw her, she seemed fine then, she even talked about going to Sweden. The day after that she started acting weird, she cancelled our run and I haven't seen her since. I know she is leaving in a couple of weeks, and I want to say goodbye, but I don't as well, I was mad at her at times and then I wasn't. I just wish I knew what happened, why she was acting like this.    
                                         
  xxxxxxxxxxxx Five days earlier xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   

The dinner was great, and I ate too much...again. As I walk up the stairs something catches my eye I turn my head only to be pushed down the stairs, I fall flat on my back, the wind knocked out of me. I try getting my breath back, I look up at the stairs and there is my father. How did he find me? "How'd you find me?" "I have eyes and ears everywhere, it really wasn't that hard. And you aren't as observant as you think" "What do you want" "I'm a little upset with you"   

The way he said it sent chills down my spine and made my blood run cold, I stood up gingerly "W-why?" "You helped Charlie, and left me outside  With a broken nose I might add, and that just won't do. So now you are going to help me" "With what?" "First you are going to open the door and we are going to go inside". I narrowed my eyes at him "There is no way I am letting you inside that house"   

I don't think I had ever seen him move that fast, and before I knew it his hands were around my throat, I tried getting free but his grip was iron tight, I feel myself losing strenght my vision is going blurry and my face starts to tingle, I try grabbing his nose, but it's too far away.  "You should have....." and that was the last thing I remember before everything went dark.   

When I woke up I was tied up on the floor and there were four other people in the room, "I don't think this is going to work Jeff" "It is going to work, because my sweet daughter over there is going to take all the heat for the whole thing, amd we will get to do what we want" "What about the roommate?" "I didn't know there was more than one, but this could work in our favour, I mean she couldn't pull all of this off by herself"   

I didn't even think about it, what are they going to do to Marion when she gets here? I try to get a look at the clock on the wall "Oh look the little princess is awake" "What are you doing? Who are these people?" "You don't need to know that right now, and these are your new roommates for the next couple of days....or weeks" "Weeks! What the hell are you trying to do?" "I think you need to go back to sleep" "What? No! Wait.... Stop... Please" I tried to get up and run but I couldn't. I got a bang on the head, I felt a flash of pain, before everything went black again.   

When I woke up I was upstairs on my side with my hands behind my back. My head was throbbing as I tried to lie on my back so I could sit up, but when I tried to roll over there was something behind me. I turned my head trying to look behind me, "Marion is that you? Are you ok?" the body stirred slightly but didn't answer. I rolled onto my stomach and then got on my knees I looked over and it was Marion on the floor, her lip had a cut in and she had a massive bump on her forehead.   

I got closer to her and nudged her with my shoulder, "Marion" I nudged her some more "Come on Marion, wake up please", I kept nudging her with my shoulder till I heard her groan. "Marion come on open your eyes" "Aaaahh, w-what hap-happened" "I'm really sorry, but we need to get out of here" "What's going on" "I'll try and explain later, right now we need to get away. Can you get your hands free?". She moved her hands a little bit, but nothing was happening "I can't" "Let me try and loosen it for you" I crawl so I am behind her and I look at the knot trying to figure out how to get it loose I turn around because my hands are tied behind my back and hers are as well.   

I grab a piece of rope and hope that it is the right one and start pulling it in what I think is the right way, after some pulling I turn around again to see if I got the right one "Ok I did pull on the right one, I just need to pull some more, hang on.". So I turn around again and pull on it, when I feel it loosen I turn around to see what happened, it just looks like I turned the knot a little, "Isn't there something here we can use to cut the rope?" "There are some blades in my drawer" "Ok good because this isn't going to work"   

We crawl over to the drawers, and tried to open  them without making too much noise, we got the bag in which the blades are, when we put them on the floor I hear someone walking up the stairs, "Hide it, quick quick" we got the bag under the bed just in time. "Good you're awake" he grabs me roughly by my arm and pulls me up before dragging me down the stairs. He pushes me down on the couch "Your dad's coming" and he left me there "Good you're up, come on we are going to go get some supplies" "I'm not going anywhere with you"   

He grabs me by the arm and tries to pull me up, but I am leaning back as far as I could and with as much weight as I could, I wasn't going to go with him if I could help it. "Do we really have to go through the whole threatening thing, before you actually do what I want anyway." "I guess so, because I'm not leaving just because you want me to!" "Ok fine. Fatty! Go get the other girl, wait at the top of the stairs"   

"Your friend is going to get hurt because you don't want to come with me" "Can you blame me? You have me hostage." "More like keeping you inside for my benefit" Fatty then appears at the top of the stairs with Marion "Ok your choice, either you come with me willingly or Fatty is going to help Marion down the stairs" "You aren't going to hurt her, you need her" "No, I'm not going to kill her, but hurt her, that is another story" "If she falls down the stairs you could kill her" "But Fatty won't" "You're bluffing" "I don't think I am" "I'm not going". My dad looks up at Fatty, and he pushes Marion down the stairs "O my god!" I try to go over but he holds me back.   

I can hear her groaning and she is movig around quite a bit "Are we going now" "Yes, we are going" "Good I knew you would come around". He unties me and gives me a jacket to hide the bruises on my wrists. "Get all the money you have here, and bring your credit card as well" "I don't have that much money" "Get your friends card too, together it should be enough". Marion was still on the floor, she wasn't groaning anymore but she was moving.   

Once I got everything we were in the car, he gave me directions and  soon we were in a part of town that was more than shady, this was Seattles version of Washington Heights. We stopped at an ATM and he instructed me to get as much money as I can. "Somebody is going to steal this, why do you need all of this?" "Just do as I say and shut up" after getting the money we drove to a house nearby.   

"Now go in there with all the cash, you only talk to Sean, you got that?" "Yeah" "You give him the money, this note, and you leave. You have five minutes and then I leave, now go". I was really scared, this wasn't a place I want to be, what has me more concerned is what I am buying with all this money, it's about five thousand dollars.   

I knock on the door and a big burly guy, who looks like he can snap your neck with his fingers, I swallowed "I-I'm looking for Sean?" dammit why did I have to stutter "Is that a question?" "No, I'm looking for Sean" that sounded better, don't look scared,  god I really hope I don't look scared. "Come on then" I followed him inside, he took me to what I assume is the living room, there were drugs on the table with a gun and some money. 

The Sean guy was not what I expected, he was so scrawny "Well this is nice, to what do I owe the pleasure" the way he was looking at me made my skin crawl, the look in his eyes assured me that he was so much more dangerous than what he looks like. I gave him the money and the note and tried to leave as quickly as I could "What? No hello? Don't be rude have some beer" "I can't, I have to get back, next time maybe?" "I'm going to hold you to that" he said as I walked out of the room.   

My heart was beating so fast I think I am going to pass out, "See that wasn't so bad, now you get to go home" I just drove I didn't say a word, I needed to get away from this place, it felt like the evil, the bad, the meanness was clinging to my skin and hair; I need a shower very badly. "I'm taking a shower when we get home" I didn't ask, I'm taking one with his permission or without, he gave me that smug smile that I hated "Sure"   

We were left to walk around freely upstairs, but Fatty was always close by keeping an eye on us. Later that afternoon I hear a knock on the door, I freeze, who could this be, there are a couple of more knocks before it stops, peeking slightly through the window I see Kelley walking back to her house, shit this could have been bad.   

Later that day there is a knock on the door again, after a while I can hear people talking, when I try to go down Fatty stops me, and I go back into the room. Marion is on the bed, still in a bit of pain after being thrown down the stairs, I still can't believe they did that, I'm just glad that she isn't hurt too badly. All today proved to me is that I need to get out of here.   

The following day, my father takes me downstairs, what I see shocks me "You bought guns, what the hell are you planning to do?" "You don't have to worry about that, what I need you to do is take me out again" "And if I don't?" he shakes his head at me "Do we really need a repeat of yesterday?" "Fine, where are we going" "You don't have to worry about that just go where I tell you"   

To me it looks like we are just driving around aimlessly he writes down a couple of things every now and then, then he instructs me to go out on the highway and again he writes down some things I can't figure out what he is trying to do. After a couple of hours we go home again, I try to see what he wrote down but it's no use he keeps the book closed and when we get inside Fatty it there to take me upstairs.   

That is where I stayed for the rest of the day, I could hear them talking downstairs but it was impossible to make out what they were saying. This is the third day that I have spent in this room, and I needed to get away so I could stop whatever he was planning.   

The next day he took me out again, this time to a costume shop when I saw what he wanted me to buy, I knew that he was planning on robbing someone, there was no other reason for him to buy guns and masks , this was so much worse than I though it was. He could kill someone, I know him, he wouldn't hesitate and that scares me I have to do something, I just don't know what, I don't want him to hurt Marion, or Kelley. I'm glad she hasn't stopped by again.   

I am relegated to the upstairs again with Marion, "How are you doing" "I'm ok, I just don't know what the hell is going on, who are these people?" "He, h-he's my father" "What?" "He is my father, I'm really sorry this is all my fault" "To me you look like you are stuck here with me so how is this your fault?" "Because I went looking for him, I shouldn't have done that I knew he was a bad person and against my better judgement I went looking for him" "This is not your fault ok, he is doing this"   

When I woke up on the fifth day I knew that this was the day, I had to do something or something bad is going to happen I could feel it. After breakfast they pack all the things into my car" What are you doing?" "Well today's the big day darling" "What are you planning?" "Just eat and let me worry about that" "Are the guns really necesary, please tell me you aren't going to hurt someone" "As long as they do as we ask no one gets hurt" "You are actually planning on robbing someone? Are you out of your mind?" "Just get dressed in this and get in the car" "And if I don't?" 

"Do we have to do this again, this time she might not be so lucky"   "And maybe you won't hurt her at all, you need her if I remember correctly" "The plan  can always change" he shrugged his shoulders, the gesture to most wouldn't seem like much, but I have seen this shrug before, it's more than just a shrug, it's an indication of how serious he is actually being. So I put on the clothes and went to the car all the while wondering what am I going to do? When he got into the car he held a gun on me and said "Don't get any ideas here, just do as you are told and everything will be fine" I just shook my head in the affirmative.   

He told me to stop next to the highway, and we waited for about half an hour before he said I had to start driving again, they put their masks on and I still didn't get it, what was going on? That was until I looked in the rearview mirror an armoured car "Are you serious? An armoured car, have you lost your god damn mind!" "Just drive the car" "How are you going to get it to stop?" "I'm not, the traffic light is" and sure enough as we approach the light it turns red.   

They jump out of the car and head straight to the car, I try to drive away and leave them there, but someone shoots at the car and everyone around freaks out, and I have no way of getting away soon enough, before I know it they are back in the car and I have a gun next to my temple telling me to drive or this will be the end for me. I can tell this is no joke so I manouvre the car out of the chaos.   

On the way back to the house they are celebrating their win, when we enter the cultesack I can see Kelley is running to her house, my heart jumps to my throat. Please don't see her, please don't see her, please don't see her, but of course he sees her. "Well looky here it's your little friend" he aims the gun at her "What are you doing?!" "Teaching you a lesson, you tried to leave us there, we can't have that for next time. So this is your punishment" I couldn't let him just do that   

Without thinking I step on the gas and turn the wheel, we go through a pole and hit a wall, I stumble out of the car, when I look up I see Kelley is running our way, "No! Kelley go home! Run!" she stops looks at me weirdly before turning around and running to her house. I start running after her, I glance over my shoulder and see my father pointing a gun at me. I hear the shot and suddenly there is a sharp pain on the side of my neck, but my heart nearly stops when I see Kelley fall in front of me. I barely stop to pick her up, but I have her in my arms and I'm running up the stairs to her house.   

I almost kick the door down in my haste, when Karen opens the door I rush in with Kelley "Close the door and call the police!" I can hardly breathe by now, Kelley is crying in pain blood flowing down her back. Her mother starts freaking out as she makes the call, I have no idea where my father is and I hope he is not heading this way. I look out the window, nobody is there, I sigh in relief and go back to Kelley, she is still crying and obviously in a lot of pain.   

"Hey, hey, try and calm down" it looks like she is going to hyperventilate "Come on breathe with me Kelley, you need to calm down" it looks like she doesn't even hear me. I grab the side of her face and force her to look at me "Come on Kelley! Calm down! Breathe! Breathe!" finally she responds and she starts to calm down slightly, but her eyes are glued to the side of my neck I put my hand where she is looking and instantly I feel this warm liquid, I pull my hand away and my hand is full of blood.   

Kelley has stopped crying now and I can hear sirens in the distance, thank god help was coming, Karen rushes to Kelley and puts a towel on her shoulder, she flinches in pain but still remains seated. When I hear the sirens are right outside I go out, I need to tell them about my father and Marion, "Help! You need to help!" the police come rushing forward along with a paramedic "Ma'am calm down" "You need to stop him" the paramedic comes up to me "Are you alright?" "You need to help my friend please!" "Where is your friend, inside?" "You need to help Kelley, she's inside, you need to help her she's been shot" "Alright calm down, let me have a look at that injury for you?" "You need to go help Marion too"   

I can see the confusion in his face "I thought her name was Kelley?" "Kelley is inside, but Marion is still in the house you need to send help, it's number fourteen"when I try to walk and show him, I feel very lightheaded and I almost fall down. "Ma'am I need you to calm down so I can help you, you're bleeding heavily." I sit down and let him help me, I don't feel so good, I feel like I am going to be sick, I have no energy left, I'm exhausted.   

Everything turns into a blurr and the next thing I remember I wake up in the hospital with a bandage around my neck. It seems like I have been out for two days "Kelley, Marion, are they alright?" I know someone isni  the room with me but my vision is still too blurry to make out who it is. "I'm alright" it Marion "Kelley's ok too, better than you" "What...." my throat is so dry "Here, she gives me some water. You almost died" I smile, "But I made it"   

Later I find out that my father had gotten away, but that all of the money was still in the car, they were looking for him but I was upset that he had gotten away. I'm just glad that Kelley and Marion where alright, and after a couple of days I am free to go home. I'm just glad the whole thing is over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it and as always feedback is welcome


	7. Feelings

With my wound I couldn't play, meaning Sweden was out of the picture, I was devastated, it was my shot to get away from this place, to get a chance to clear my head and  get rid of all this emotional problems that I had. Now I was stuck here and it feels like I couldn't breathe, I was scared, what if he comes back. I also feel guilty about Kelley getting hurt, I've wanted to apologise to her but I couldn't get myself to go, I was scared that they would blame me.   

I was busy packing my things when I hear a soft knock, "Hey" I freeze and I turn around slowly "Hey?"I look at my feet too nervous to look her in the face, she laughs at me "You're lucky" I snort "Oh yeah so lucky" I say sarcastically "I have  a homicidal father, a dead mother, an absent brother, no friends and oh right a neck wound that will keep me from playing the one game that actually keeps me sane. So yeah I'm sooo lucky" I can feel the tears prickling my eyes and the lump in my throat that's threatening to push me over the edge. I turn my back on her and continue packing.   

She looks so vunerable right now "At least you get to go home", I put my hand on her shoulder and she loses it, sobbing and crying. I turn her around and hug her with my one arm.   

I didn't realise that she was walking to me and when she put her hand on my shoulder I couldn't keep it in any longer. The tears came streaming down my face and I couldn't stop myself from sobbing, I can't remember the last time I actually cried, I was completely surprised when she turned me around and gave me a one handed hug.   

I almost hugged her back but I remembered her injured arm so I wrapped my arms around her waist, and without saying a word she takes her and hand guides my head to her shoulder. I can feel the gown getting wet from my tears, but somehow I can't seem to stop, that is until she talks.   

"You're a survivor" she stops crying almost immediately "Wh-at?" "You're a survivor, you are still standing after everything....and you have a friend, even if you don't think so". I feel her tightening her hold, "I'm sorry". I'm a little confused "What for?" "It's my fault you got shot, if you didn't know me this wouldn't have happened to you. You wouldn't be here" I shake my head.   

She pulls her head away to look at me, her eyes are getting a little red but there is still that fire behind them "I'm fine you know......and besides I got an awesome scar and story. So really I owe you" this time she was the one shaking her head "Do you always see the best in everything?" she had a slight smile on her face, and for some reason it made me really happy to know that I was the one that put it there. "You know me always the optimist" and I shrug "Thank you, for being here and being my friend" and she actually gives me another hug.   

This was the first time I actually felt comforted, and this was the first time I gave someone a hug. Kelley was special, she makes me feel normal, the first person to ever do that. "I'll come visit you tomorrow" I mumble near her ear "You better, I need some entertainment" the way she said this made me laugh "I'll bring you some stuff"   

Going back to the house was harder than I thought, I didn't want to be there but I had nowhere else to go. What surprised me is when I saw Carli sitting on the couch "What are you doing here?" she jumps up, "What am I doing here! You got shot! In the neck! Wait, why aren't you in the hospital anymore?" "They discharged me, why aren't you at camp?" "Because my friend got shot, and I came to see how she was doing" "Then why were you sitting on the couch?" "I just landed and I didn't know how bad you were, or how you were going to look. I-I was just getting my bearings". Carli actually looked like she wanted to cry, "I'm sorry Carli, I should have called"   

"You should have! Geez Hope I'm your friend and you didn't even think of calling me! That's messed up, really messed up" now I felt like a real jerk I didn't even think about Carli at all "I know.....but then again I am messed up sooooo" I tried to lighten the mood a little bit, but she just frowned at me "Ok, maybe not the best thing to say but it's true, I am messed up, my life is messed up and all the people in it seemed to get messed up"   

She walked over to me, "I'm in your life and I'm not messed up" "Not yet" "Everyone is messed up in some way, frankly I don't understand why you think you are so messed up". I sigh "I-I don't, do you...uhm, if I tell you, you can't treat me differently" "I won't, well unless you killed someone.....did you kill someone?" I smiled "No I didn't".   

Carli listened without saying anything she had a totally neutral face, I was scared she was going to treat me differently. When I was done I sat there waiting for her to say something "Well I didn't expect that, you're more messed up than I thought.....yet I still like you" I sighed in relief "So you forgive me" "You wish! You owe me for making me stress like that you jerk" she was about to punch my shoulder then stopped "Is it going to hurt your neck if I punch you?" "It's my shoulder not my neck" when she did punch me it did hurt "Ok that hurt, don't do it again" "Fine, but just till you are all healed up" "Deal"   

"What does a sixteen year old do for fun in a hospital" "Get her some magazines" "Tabloids?" "She's a teenager I guess so" "What about a board game, or a movie?" "How old are you, a board game, really" "What! I'm not used to having fun" "Just take the magazines and  keep her company" "Am I crazy for hanging out with her" "You like her, who cares"   

"You brought me tabloids?" "I tried getting something a normal sixteen year old would like, was I wrong?" "No! Totally what I need, but now you are going to have to listen to me talk about all of it" "All of it?" "Yeah, so make yourself comfortable" "I'm going to regret coming here aren't I?" she just gives me a devilish smile and I groan. After laughing through the entire two hours I was there, I was ushered out by a nurse telling me visiting hours are over. "See you later" I say before I am pushed out the door.  

"Isn't she a little young for you?" "What?" "Your girlfriend, she's a little young for you, is it even legal?" "She's not my girlfriend" the nurse turns to me, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed" "No you shouldn't have" I leave feeling guilty for snapping at the nurse, but I'm also feeling happy and confused. I'm happy that I got to spend time with Kelley, which is also confusing to me because I don't like spending time with most people, Kelley, Carli and Marion being the exceptions. And then she said Kelley was my girlfriend, we were just talking and laughing, what made her say that, but the worst thing was probably that I acrually wanted it to be true.   

It was so boring after Hope left, damn visiting hours, I don't get why they have to be there, it was at least three more hours before my family was coming, this sucked I can't sit still anymore. I get out of the bed, peek out of my door to make sure the nurse can't see me before slipping out, well that was easy, I'm wandering down the corridor when I bump into someone "Oh sorry" then I realise I bumped into the nurse, she frowns at me "You should be in your room" "I know, buuuut I'm bored" "That's not my problem, you have to go back to your room. Watch some TV till visiting hours" "Do I have a choice?" "No" "Fine"   

She walks me back to my room not trusting me to go alone, I sigh "Don't worry your friend will be back too" "My friend?" "Yeah, the one who visited today" "Oh, yeah right" she leaves the room looking at me weirdly. I get back in bed and watch TV, but I can't concentrate on what's going on because I don't think of Hope as a friend, but I didn't really know what she is. When I first met her she was like my hero someone I wanted to be like, but now it's like she's a friend, but more than that. Do I like her?

When I returned to Kelley's room later that night, her whole family was there, I was just about to leave when Dan saw me. He called me in and hugged me, everyone seemed pretty happy to see me, everyone but Karen, the whole time I was there it was fun, but I still felt this tension coming from Karen. When I left that night I was still on edge about everything, yeah I liked spending time with Kelley and her family, but she was young, and since when did I like women? But am I attracted to Kelley or do I just like her because of how goofy she is.   

I wanted to talk to someone about this, but Marion was still a bit traumatised and well Carli had sort of already warned me about Kelley, I wasn't sure if I could talk to her about it. After mulling things over and spending some more time with Kelley I knew I had no choice I had to talk to Carli.   

I was happy to be going home tomorrow finally I would be able to do what I want and not be stuck in a bed for most of the day. One more day of this torture, but the bright spot of my day just walked in the door, "Hi, tell me you brought me something good?" "That depends on what you think is good" "Well I kind of hope you read my mind, and that you just know I want food, I'm getting so sick of this hospital food." "Mmmm well then looks like we have a pshycic link cuase I brought you some donuts" "Oh yes, dunkin donuts?" "What else" I shrug "You're the best"   

"I didn't know what you liked so I bought quite a variety" "Good cause I can never make up my mind what I want, and dunkin donuts are the best" I opened the box and she just stared at it "Don't you like these?" "No, it's just...these are all my favourites I don't know where to start" "You can't have all of them" "Maybe you should pick yours first, then I can eat what's left over" "You are going to eat four donuts?" "If that's what's left over, then yes" "You can't eat that many, youre going to give yourself a heart attack" "No, you're giving me a heart attack" I blushed a little when I thought of how else that could be interpreted "Because of all the donuts" "Yeah, I got that" she smiled.   

When I got home I got the second bit of bad news for the day, I was actually called up to an U-17 camp, but I won't be able to go. So for the second time today soccer was taken off the table, the game that I loved had to be pushed to the back of my mind, and now it was proving far more difficult than I thought it would have been. Shit why did this have to happen now, I've wanted to play for the US for so long, now I have an opportunity and I can't take it. Normally I would go out and practice when I feel frustrated or upset, but this time I couldn't do that and now I couldn't sit still and I was annoying everyone in the house.   

I went to the park instead, and who should I find there none other than Hope, she was sitting on a bench looking at the birds, at first I didn't want to bother her, but I didn't have anyone else I could talk to right now. When I walk up to the bench she doesn't even acknowledge me, I don'y even think she knows I'm there "Hi" her head suddenly whipped to me "Oh, hi, what are you doing here?" I shrug "I couldn't stay at home" "Why? Is everything all right?" "Yyeeeah, I'm just kinda bummed" "Because of your shoulder?"   

"I got a call up to the U-17 team" realisation flashed across her face "I'm sorry you can't go. But from what I've seen is that you're an amazing player, you'll get another shot" I felt like crying, with a lump in my throat I ask "What if I don't?". "That's not even a possibility" she replied immediately, it made me feel better, I suffle closer to her "What are you doing here?"   

I couldn't sit alone at home anymore the silence was just overwhelming, so I went to the park the noise of all the people and animals made me calm down. I looked down and saw some pigeons on the ground while staring at them my mind starts to wander, I can't believe what happened and now I'm stuck in Seattle, my chance to go to Sweden flushed down the drain. I didn't even know who was to blame, my father for shooting me? Me for wanting to find him in the first place, or my mother for making me promise to find him, just so he would know she died? Something that he didn't even care about.   

I should be glad that I'm still alive and not injured more seriously, and more importantly that Kelley didn't get hurt more seriously. Thinking of Kelley made me smile, she really was a character, and for some reason she liked spending time with me, more than that even she wanted to spend time with me. When I started thinking of Kelley I get this warm tingling feeling in my chest and stomach, by now I had already figured out that I like Kelley more than a friend, but this feeling was still foreign to me.   

I've never felt this way about anyone, but then again, I've never met anyone like Kelley, she didn't just break down the walls I thought I had built so meticulously around me, she burst right through it without even realising it. The more I think about her the more I realise I am in trouble. She's sixteen Hope, you're only friends, she only wants to be your friend, "Hi" I whipped my head to the side, Kelley who else would it be.   

After talking for a little while she asks why I'm out there, at first I contemplate not telling her at all, but she gives me this look and I couldn't not tell her "Pretty much the same reason as you", she looks at me confused "What do you mean?" I sigh "Sweden is off the table". "What! Man that sucks" "Yeah, I was really looking forward to going" "I know I would have too. But they don't know what they're missing" I smile, "Damn straight", she gives me a hug, one that I wasn't expecting, at first I'm stiff, but then I wrap my arms around her and hug her back, it feels good to hug her, when she pulls away she looks at me, smiles and says "Thanks, I feel alot better" I smile at her "Me too"   

When I hug her she is stiff, but then she wrapped her arms around me, it felt good to be hugged by her, this was kind of the first time she hugged me properly, it felt really good. When I tell her I feel better she says she does too and smiles, it makes my heart swell and I can feel butterflies in my stomach, "I, uhm better get going, don't want my parents to worry" "Yeah, I'll walk with you"   

I was laughing the whole time home, usually it was me making all the jokes but this time Hope was joking around, it was kind of nice to see this side of her, she usually is so uptight and serious. I didn't even know she could be that funny, when we get to my house she says goodbye and turns to leave, "Wait, don't you want to stay for dinner?" I suddenly feel very nervous waiting for her answer.   

I don't know if I should accept, hanging out with Kelley even more isn't really going to help me, but on the other hand, I want to spend more time with her, I put my hand behind my neck "I don't know" before I could even finish my sentence she interrupts me, "Ok that's ok" I smile "I don't know if I want your mother's cooking or a frozen pizza" she smiles at me.   

When Kelley walks in she shouts "Mom!" we hear a faint "Kitchen" before she heads to what I assume is the kitchen, "We have one more for dinner" "Who?" when she looks up she sees me and I can tell, she's not happy about it "Oh, well you have another visitor, she's in your room" "Who is it?" "Why don't you go up and look, Hope can stay here" "Ok, I'll be right back"   

It's kind of uncomfortable in the kitchen I can see the disapproving look on Karen's face "How are you doing Karen" "Oh, I've been better, just worried since Kelley got shot" I feel guilty "I'm sorry that happened, Kelley is a good kid" "She is, are you?" I can feel the seriousness behind the question.   

"I'm probably not as good a person as Kelley, and people may describe me as mean, or bitchy, but I am a good person. I've been dealt a bad hand, and I know some truly bad people, but I am a good person, I've survived things that still give me nightmares, but I am a good person. Right now I'm all alone, but I am a good person, just trying to survive in a world that seems to dislike me, the only good thing in my life lately is Kelley, you guys, Marion and Carli. But I get the feeling that you blame me for what happened, and I can't say that I blame you for that, but I didn't intentionally put Kelley in danger."

"Then why did she get hurt" she hissed at me "She got hurt because my father has no ounce of humanity and only cares about himself. I am sorry that she got hurt, I feel extremely guilty about it" I didn't know what else I could say. She looked at me, but I didn't want to squirm under her gaze "I don't know if I like the fact that Kelley spends so much time with you, but I do like you." I smiled "I like you too, all of you it's pretty rare" "I gathered, from your amount of friends". After our conversation the tension was gone and I felt relieved.   

When I open my door Ali is in my room looking through all my books, she turns "Ali?" "Kelley! O my god, how are you? I can't believe you got shot" "I know right" "I'm sorry, coach just said you were sick, I didn't know" "It's ok, you guys had the tournament, how did it go?" I really didn't want to talk about the shooting right now, I kind of forgot that I was injured, until now. She smiles brightly "We won" "That's great" "Yeah, but we need our star forward back" "I'll be back before you know it." "You better be, I miss my friend"   

I was so busy hanging out with Hope, I totally left the only friend I had at school all alone "I'm sorry, I didn't even call you" I look down at my feet "All is forgiven.....if you have a good reason" "And what is a good reason" "I don't know, you tell me" and she lifts her eyebrows expectantly. I blush a little "I knew it, who have been spending time with" "Uhm, just a friend" she laughs "Yeah, just a friend, then why are you blushing so much"   

I didn't know if I should say anything, I don't even really know how I feel, I like her, I like Ali too, but definitely not in the same way. "I was hanging out with Hope" "Who" "She lives down the road" "She?" I swallow "Uhm, yeah, is that a p-problem" "No, I don't care, does she go to school with us too?" "Uhm, actually no, she's kinda done with school" "Ooh, an older woman, I like, when can I meet her? Are you guys official?" "What? No I don't even know if she likes me" "A mystery I like it even more, when do I get to meet her?" "If you're staying for dinner then tonight" "She's here, this is so exciting" "Try and act normal please" "I'm the definition of normal"   

I give Ali a hug, "I'm glad you're here, but you are definitely not the definition of normal" "Shut up and go show me Hope" "Fine, just don't be yourself too much, act like a normal person" "Fine, for you I will". We went back to the kitchen and found my mother and Hope cooking together, Ali looks at me and mouths "She's hot" I shake my head "Mom is it ok if Ali stays too?" "Sure sweetie, would you mind setting the table" "No problem"   

The dinner is fun, conversation is flowing well and as usual I am enjoying myself, but out of the corner of my eye I keep seeing Kelley's friend looking at me weirdly, but it's not just me she's giving Kelley weird looks too. She seems nice enough and we get a good conversation going, Kelley joins in and soon we are laughing so hard the rest of them are just staring at us, before I know it Ali's mother is there to pick her up and I decide it's best if I leave too. Kelley gives me another hug that brings a smile to face, I am so addicted to these hugs already.   

I inhale deeply and suddenly I am surrounded by her smell, it's intoxicating and I don't think I will ever smell anything as good as that. "I'll see you tomorrow for a walk?" "Yeah" she has this weird look on her face "Most definitely"   

Two hugs from Hope in one day, this has to be my lucky day. I can feel the muscles in her back quiver lightly, and it makes my knees weak, I think I would have fallen if it hadn't been for her arms around me, I can feel her grip loosen "I'll see you tomorrow for a walk?" "Yeah" I breathe out "Most definitely" I wasn't really planning on saying the last part it just sort of came out.   

When I got ready for bed Ali calls me "She so likes you" "What, how do you know?" "It's all in the eyes girl" "I still don't get it" "Her pupils dilated whenever she was talking to you, or whenever you were saying something. Pupil dilation means she's interested" "You are such a nerd, where do you get this stuff" "In things called books" "Yeah, I've heard of those, my room is full of them. But what do I do now?" "Go for it" "I can't just go for it, she's twenty years old" "So, you like her, she likes you, it's already hard enough to find someone you like why ignore it?" "I don't know Ali, I don't know her that well, maybe she's just being nice" "Yeah, because a twenty year old always hangs out with a sixteen year old" "That's why I'm saying, I can't just go for it, what would I do anyway" "I don't know, tell her you like her"   

"No way, are you crazy" "Well I don't know what else you can do" "She's older she should make the first move" "That's your solution?" "Yeah, for now at least. But I'm tired, I'll see you at school tomorrow?" "Yeah, good night Kelley" "Night Ali". When I get into bed all I can think about is Hope and her piercing blue eyes   

When I get into bed all I can think about is Kelley and her cute freckles, I can't believe I find her freckles cute it's such a weird thing to find cute, but I do and I can't stop thinking about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's kind of slow now a few things need to happen but it will pick up. Feedback is welcome don't be shy.


	8. Three days

I'm nervous and excited for our walk since neither of us are allowed to run just yet, we talk about our usual stuff and somehow it feels like nothing has changed, but with just a slight brush of our shoulders I know deep down it's not the same anymore. Goosebumps erupt on the patches of skin that get touched, even when it's just a small brush, and I can't seem to keep the smile from my face or the colour from my cheeks   

School became really boring without soccer and all the extra time on my hands made me restless, I tried watching TV but nothing was on that interested me. I wasn't supposed to play soccer but nothing was said about juggeling, it could only do my footwork good.   

Slowly but surely time went on and after what felt like an eternity I could finally play again, juggeling really was my saving grace I would have been so useless on the field if I hadn't done that, all that was lacking really was my fitness which could be remedied with some running.   

We went on our morning walks until we were allowed to run again, and then we started running again. Even though I was only spending my mornings with her my feelings still developed quicker than I thought they would. Now I was stuck with more feelings and no way of expressing them.   

"Come on Kelley just tell her, frankly I don't know how she doesn't know you  are so obvious" "Shut up, the only reason you know is because I told you, otherwise you would be oblivious too" "No I wouldn't, I'm good at reading people" "You think you are good at reading people, there is a difference" she shoves me "Please you are like a open book to me" "If that's true then what am I thinking right now" "I'm not phsycic you jerk" "How did you know" I say sarcastically. "Shut up and walk faster or we are going to be late"   

Since it was the off season and I couldn't really play I needed a way to make money at least until the season started again; so I did all the odd jobs at the Reign offices. It kept me busy, I had time to work out, work on some skills and still get a pretty good pay check. A big surprise came when I was busy painting the outside, I was on my way in to get some water when I ran into Charlie   

"Charlie? What are you doing here?" "Hope, I've been looking for you, but you kind of disappeared" "Yeah, some stuff happened, what are you doing here?" "I got the job, I couldn't believe it when they came looking for me. I tried getting in contact with you but I couldn't find you, I need to thank you, you have no idea how grateful I am to you" "O my god Charlie! This is amazing I'm so happy for you, I knew this was going to be the place for you" "Let me take you out for lunch, just a burger or something, I'm not rich, but for the first time in a long time I can buy food for me, lunch will never be enough, but that is all I can do for now" I was genuinely happy for Charlie "I'm happy for you Charlie, lunch will be great"   

What a crazy day I couldn't believe that Charlie got the job, it just made me feel better about the Reign, they just make me feel like they care about the community, and that is the most important thing because without the community they wouldn't survive. I was so amped up right now I had to go for a run, and I needed it after the long lay off.   

I headed for the park and pretty soon I was totally winded, man I was really unfit, I decide to walk around in the park. It was starting to get colder again so it was strange to see a squirrel, the first thing I thought about when I saw it was Kelley, she loves them. I went to sit on a bench to catch my breath and this puppy came running past chasing a ball, somehow it came back to me instead of their owner and as soon as he looked up at me it's eyes looked just like Kelley's those warm hazel eyes.   

I ruffled his hair before the owners came over, when I sat back up I saw an ice cream truck with a picture of orange maid on the side, Kelley's favourite ice cream. Damn I am so screwed everything makes me think of Kelley, even a green balloon made me think of her, when I saw it I thought she would look good in that colour, that was a definite sign that I was extremely fond of Kelley. When it started to get dark I headed back home.   

A couple of weeks later Karen asked me to come over for dinner, it was a little weird since it's usually Kelley that invites me over. Obviously I acceptedn Karen's cooking is devine and I get some more time with Kelley why would I even think of saying no. I took some flowers as a thank you, and when I got there I was welcomed with hugs, I still can't believe how they make me feel so comfortable.   

After dinner Karen brought out this delicious looking cherry cheesecake, it tasted even better than it looked. When we were done I could see Kelley was looking expectantly at her parents, I could tell something was up but I had no idea what. "So what is going on here" Dan cleared his throat "We want to ask you something" "Ok, so ask" this time Kelley spoke "Would you be willing to look after me for three days?" if I had been drinking anything I would have spit it out at that moment.   

"What?" "We're going to Georgia for Thankgiving we bought the tickets months ago, but Kelley has a soccer tournament here in Seatlle. We planned on leaving a week before but now Kelley wants to participate in this tournament, and we get why she wants to stay, but we don't want her here alone. We tried changing the tickets but the airline doesn't want to give us a refund so it's better to lose one ticket than five" "And I would really appreciate it if you do this" Kelley butted in.   

Dan glared at her "As I was saying losing one ticket isn't that bad but five is just too much. We really want Kelley to have this opportunity, do you think you'll be able to help us out?" I didn't know what to say, I would really like to spend three days with Kelley, but on the other hand I was going to spend three days with Kelley. "You don't have to say yes tonight, just think about it and let us know" "Yeah, I need to think about this" I could see Kelley's face fall a little, and even though it made me sad to see it, I couldn't just say yes.   

I couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about dinner, I wanted to say yes I mean they must trust me if they asked me to do this after what happened. Then I think they are probably just asking me because they know my father isn't in Seattle anymore and they don't have any family here, or anyone they know really well for that matter. I'm their only option, but I was nervous, what if something does happen? And what am I going to do about my feelings for Kelley, if I look after her I'm going to be spending most of the day with her.   

I like her so much already it's starting to get harder and harder for me to deny my attraction, maybe if I do look after her the attraction will wear off because I'll spend so much time with her I'll see how immature she really is, or maybe she's terrible to live with, like really messy and stuff.   

I also know how important this tournament is, alot of scouts come to it, I always participated in it when I was younger, if it hadn't been for the tournament I probably wouldn't have gotten signed by the Reign so I completely understand why she wants to stay. I can't deny her that, this could be her shot to get another call up, it's my fault she couldn't go the first time. I'm actually going to do it, this is crazy, completely crazy, but I'm still excited about it.   

When I saw Kelley the next morning I could see she was nervous "Stop being nervous you have nothing to worry about" her face lights up inmediately "Does that mean you're going to do it?" I couldn't keep the smile from my face, even if I tried "Yes I'm going to do it" she jumped up and hugged me her legs wrapping around my waist "You are the best" she said her lips brushing against my neck. My entire body erupted in goosebumps and my stomach was doing all kinds of flips "Uhm, no...no problem".

The heat in my face told me it was probably as red as a tomato so it was a good thing her face was still buried in my neck. When she dropped back to the ground I was really hoping I didn't look anything like the way I feel "Are you ok?" "Yeah, just wasn't expecting the jump almost fell over there" "Oh sorry"   

I was so happy when I heard she was actually going to do it, I justt reacted and that led to me jumping on her and hugging her "You're the best" was the first thing that came to mind, I could feel the goosebumps on her neck, it made me smile. When I got off her I could see was blushing "Are you ok?" "Yeah, just wasn't expecting the jump almost fell over there" she was blushing again "Oh sorry" but my heart was soaring  in two weeks time I was going to spend three days with Hope, this was going to be awesome.   

Hope was great, she went with us to the airport waited while I said goodbye to my parents before heading back home. We were staying at my house since I had all the soccer gear to haul around I didn't want to take it from my house to hers and then back again, she agreed. Leaving the airport we headed straight to the pitch, it kinda sucked that my parents weren't going to be here, but at least I had Hope on my side.   

She was so sweet, she took of three days from work so she could watch me play, and so I wouldn't be alone at all, which made me extremely happy. The only down side is that Ali kept nagging at me and making eyes at me whenever Hope was close, it was getting annoying "Would you stop and concentrate on the match we are going to play" "I can't help it, you two are so cute with the back and forth, and the blushing with the little touches. I don't know how everyone else misses it.... Oh and I am focussed" "Then why aren't you dressed yet, we have to go" "Right"   

We played really well and won all three matches we played, I was exhuasted but happy Hope even had dinner for me when I got to the car, I have no idea where she got it from, but I was too hungry to care. When we were driving home it started to rain heavily I could barely see the road, when the thunder and lightning started I got uncomfortable I hated thunder and lightning. I don't know why but it scared me and now I was going to have to spend the rest of the night with Hope I didn't want her to know I was scared of something so stupid.   

We watched a little TV, but after about an hour later I had to go to bed I was too tired and if I slept I wouldn't be able to hear the thunder. As the night wore on the storm got worse, and my anxiety was getting worse and worse, after a sudden lightning stirke I accidentally yelped very loudly before cursing at myself.   

I was heading up to bed when I heard a noise coming from Kelley's room, I knocked lightly, when there was no reply I opened the door "Kelley"she sat up so quickly she nearly fell off the bed "Hey, are you ok?" "Uhm...yeah?" I could see something was wrong "Why does that sound like a question. What's wrong" "I.....uhm...I don't like the the thunder and lightning" she whispered it so quietly I barely heard it. I felt a little relieved, I thought it was something serious "You want me to sit with you till you fall asleep?"   

When she asked if she should stay my heart leapt into my throat  and I quickly pushed Mr Squirrel deeper under the covers cause I knew the answer was going to be yes "That would be really great". I was expecting her to pull the chair closer and sit down next to the bed so I was surprised when she sat on the bed with her back against the headboard.   

When I sat down it felt like I had sat down on somerhing, I reached under the covers and pulled out a stuffed squirrel, I could see Kelley's eyes widen "Who is this little guy?" "My squirrel" she mumbled before pulling the covers over her head. I found it really cute and smiled "Now the both of us can keep you company" she peeked out from under the covers "Thank you". I just smiled at her and she stayed like that with the cover half covering her face, I sat in the dark holding the stuffed animal looking around the room and every now and then taking a look at Kelley. After a little while I could hear her breathing even out, I looked down at her, she looked so beautiful, even though I couldn't see her entire face, she looked peaceful.   

Dammit, stop it, she's not beautiful she's sixteen and you are her friend, nothing more keep it together. I slowly got off the bed not wanting to wake her, and slowly walked out the room. I couldn't sleep I kept thinking about Kelley, she looked so beautiful and when I thought of how her face looked my heart started beating faster and I kept on smiling. And why did she have to be so darn cute with her stuffed squirrel.   

When I woke up I could hear movement in the kitchen, when I turned onto my back I felt Mr Squirrel under the covers, this made me think of last night and I blushed. Why did she have to find him last night it's so embarrassing, like being scared of thunder and lightning wasn't bad enough. I quickly jumped into the shower, today was going to be a long day and I didn't want to be late. When I got downstairs Hope had made breakfast and she was sipping on what I guessed was coffee a contented look on her face.   

"Someone is a coffee addict" she looked at me, the cup almost to her mouth and the only thing visible was her arctic blue eyes. I swallowed nervously damn she looks so hot right now, I blushed "And thanks for last night"  "You're welcome. I made you some breakfast....I wasn't sure what you ate so I stuck with one of my favourites on gameday: oats, yoghurt, blueberries and some honey. I hope it's ok" "Yeah, that's great, thanks you really didn't have to" "I have to take care of you right. Are you ready for today?" "I'm excited, but a little nervous"   

"You'll be fine, this isn't your first match. And you guys won all your matches yesterday, be positive....but it's always good to be nervous" I pushed the bowl towards her "Eat something you are going to need all the energy you can get" "Thanks" she ate in silence and I got everything ready to go. We drove in silence just listening to the music, before I left to go sit in the stands I said "Just enjoy yourself, there's no point if you don't" she smiled "I will, have fun watching" "I'll try" I smirked.   

We were playing in the final tomorrow, this was the first time the team had done so well in this tournament and tomorrow we were playing against the defending champions. It was going to be a hard match I couldn't wait, I actually think Hope was more excited than I was and she was all sweet and helpful. I was getting to see a different side of her and it was making me like her even more, the fact that she was extremely good looking was just a bonus.   

I felt like I was going to throw up, I was so nervous this was going to be the biggest and most important match I had ever played in. I was going through my normal routine getting ready for the match when my phone vibrated, it was a picture of Hope with a big foam finger 'Have fun, ice cream after win or lose' it made me relax somewhat.   

We lost, I couldn't believe it we were up 2-0 during half time I thought we had it in the bag, I was pretty much already celebrating, we all were, it was a tough loss and I still couldn''t believe it. Hope invited the whole team to have ice cream with us, the mood was sombre nobody was really in the mood for ice cream and it was pretty obvious. But as soon as we started eating the ice cream the mood started changing, it was stupid but it made me feel better and pretty soon the whole table was laughing again happier than before, this was exactly what we needed.   

"How did you know" "Know what?" "That ice cream would work" "I didn't, losing in a final always hurts and most of the time you want to be left alone in a dark room to mope, but the best thing is to actually talk and laugh and realise that it's not  as bad as it seems. The best people to do that with is your teammates" "Well thanks, it helped" I smiled glad to know that I could help her feel better, losing in a final is always hard.   

The next morning I took her to the airport, I was kind of sad but tried not to show it, the last three days were pretty great and I didn't think it was possible, but I like Kelley exponentially more than I did before and I had no idea how I was going to handle it. When we got to the airport I carried her bags for her and waited as long as I could. Before she left she gave me a hug, but it was different than the ones before, somehow it was more intimate and for the first time I wondered 'Does she like me too?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter, the next one will have a bit of a time jump. And as always feedback is welcome.


	9. Saying goodbye

I was so tired after practice I felt like I couldn't move any part of my body, I knew going to a national team camp would be hard but this was worse than I thought it would be I really needed to work on my fitness. On the plus side I met some really cool people here the best person would probably be my roommate Tobin, she was this chilled out person who liked to surf and loved soccer, she had mad skills too the stuff she did with a ball was amazing. She was also pretty religious but somehow not in a annoying way.   

"Hey dude what's up?" speak of the devil "I feel like I'm dying, don't you?" "Nah, I've been to a couple of camps, I got fitter after the first one, everyone does" "I bet" "You want to go for an ice bath, I'll join you" "Only if you carry me there" she laughed "I know the feeling, but dude there is now way I'm carrying you" "Fine, I'll walk, anything to help me feel better" "Come on"   

Tobin and I agreed that we were definitely going to keep in touch after camp, so we had a short but sweet goodbye. When I got back home I was exhuasted  I fell on my bed and was out like a light, when I woke up I was starving , it was morning already, I looked at my watch it was six am. I got out of bed and made my way downstairs I was shocked to find my mother cooking breakfast.   

"What are you doing up so early?" "Oh hey honey, I made this for you, I knew you would be hungry since you didn't have dinner yesterday. And I want to hear everything that happened." I smiled while putting some eggs on my plate "Mom it was amazing, the level of play and competition is fierce, and all the girls are so nice." "And your roommate" "She was the best, you would love her. Her name is Tobin, she is so laid back it's insane, she even talks like kinda slow, but she's really cool. She surfs too and you should see her with a ball the skill she has is out of this world. It was so amazing Mom, I think this is what I want to do"   

When I got home late that afternoon Kelley was sitting on the porch waiting for me, I was glad to see her, she was gone for two weeks and I missed her more than I was willing to admit "Hey there stranger" she said "Hey, glad to see you're back" she hugged me and it felt like I was floating "I missed you....uhm you know our runs and stuff" "I missed you too kiddo. You want a sanwich?". Now that she was here I wasn't planning on just letting her go without a little time together.   

I wasn't too happy about the kiddo remark, but being invited for the sandwich made me extremely happy "I am starving" she led the way inside and without meaning to I caught a glimpse of her butt and I couldn't look away, it was so round and firm I wondered what it would feel like to touch it. When she suddenly turned around I blushed instantly.   

When I turned around I could see her cheeks were tinged pink "Is a peanut butter sandwich alright?" I looked at her a little confused "Are you ok?" "Oh, uhm yeah, it's just warmer in here than outside. Peanut butter is fine thanks." . As I was making the sandwiches there were a couple of stray hairs that kept falling in my face, at first I blew at them but that didn't help then I tried putting them behind my ear with the back of my hand but that didn't work either.   

Just as I was about to put the knife down so I could use my hand Kelley reached out "Here let me" she tucked the hairs behind my ear, her hand was so warm and soft against my skin I slightly tilted my head towards her hand "Thanks" her face was close to mine and my eyes quickly darted to her lips, they looked so full and soft. She pulled her hand away slowly "Sure".   

When I put the few strands of hair behind her ear my hand lingered longer than necessary, then I realised how close we were I swallowed amd I swore I saw her looking at my lips,but I wasn't sure. I wished I could read her better sometimes it feels like she likes me and then other times I feel like I'm just some kid she likes to hang out with. I stared at her while she finished the sandwiches, and I could see the colour rising in her cheeks.   

While I was finishing our sandwiches I could feel her staring at me, my heart was already racing this didn't help matters at all, and to make things worse I could feel the heat in my cheeks "Would you stop staring, you're making me nervous" "Why?" "I don't know I feel like my sandwich making skills are being judged" "What if they are?" "Mmmm, well do I pass?" "I don't know, I have to taste it first" "Taste it then"   

The sandwich was really good, I don't know why, she made it the same way I did, but somehow the peanut butter seemed smoother and the bread softer. "Well? Did I pass?" I shrugged my shoulders. I could see she was a little disappointed "Probably one of the best I've ever had" she smiled at me then hit my arm "Jerk"    
                                                   
       xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   

Kelley was away at another camp, but this one was different than the rest this camp would determine if she would be going to the world cup. I myself was also busy, mostly because Scurry was away at camps, the national team was preparing for their world cup the following year, this meant alot more playing time for me, the down side was that Carli was also away most of the time. We were also not doing too well in the league, our best players were not here most of the time and our younger players were very inexperienced, I did my best but I was only one person.   

On the other hand, having so much time on the field  has gotten me alot of attention and I had gotten offers from different clubs, but I still had my sights set on Sweden, don't ask me why it was the place I wanted to go, so when I got an offer from them again I immediately accepted. I may not get call ups to camp just yet but I had my sights set on the Olympics the world cup was too close it would take a miracle to get me on the roster.   

Even though we were so busy Kelley and I talked almost every day, I missed seeing her and actually spending time with her. She was coming back in a week and I was hopimg there would be something to celebrate, because I knew how happy it would make her, and what an amazing opportunity it would be for her. I never had that chance and now it was harder to get into a camp, but I was determined to be the best   

It was the last day of camp and I would be heading home early tomorrow morning., but I was nervous everyone was, everyone but Tobin it seemed, she was still so relaxed, we were down at breakfast and rhe air was thick with anxiety. I look over at Tobin and she's reading a surfing magazine "Tobs are you kidding me right now?" "Uh, what's up?" "You know what today is right?" "Yeah so" "Aren't you nervous?" "Nah"  and she went back to reading, why couldn't I do that?   

I couldn't sit still on the plane I wanted to tell everybody that I was going to the world cup, I hadn't told anyone yet I wanted to tell them in person. I nearly bowled my whole family over, that's how excited I was, we were jumping around going crazy in the middle of the airport. After all the excitement I was totally beat and fell asleep on the way home, when I woke up I was on my bed.   

Of all the weekends to have an away game why did it have to be this one, Kelley was coming home and now I had to wait two more days before I got to see her. It was kind of embarassing how much I had missed her, I had never missed anyone like this, I got a slap on the arm "Are you even listening to me?" "Ow, what?" "Who has got you spacing out so much lately? Is it a guy?" "Spacing out? In what year are you living in?" "What it's a valid word" "Maybe to Canadians Kaylyn, but I'm not so sure it's an American word"   

We were down one goal and time was running out, we can't loss this match, if we do we can kiss any chance of making it to the play-offs goodbye. The Red Stars were on the attack again I was yelling at my defence trying to stop it, the shot was taken from outside the box, but it was still a good one, I barely got my fingertips on it to push it out. The corner kick came and I jumped up to grab it, I was yelling for my team to run forward we needed to attack and quickly.   

I saw one of our players streaking down the field and aimed for her, somehow the ball landed perfectly, she rounded one defender before shooting, I was relieved to see the ball in the back of the net, I could breathe a little easier, a draw wouldn't be too bad. There were only two minutes of added time, juat two minutes and this was over just keep the ball out of this net amd our dream is still alive.   

Those were probably the longest two minutes of my life, it was attack after attack, I don't know how I made some of the saves, I was just glad I did. Now in the locker room I can just unwind, take off my shoes and get ready for a shower.   

"O my god, did you see that save, that was amazing" "Kelley do we really have to watch this?" "Yes! It's Hope" "This friendship you have with Hope is killing me" "Nobody is forcing you to watch" "Kelley you had me nearly pinned to the chair the whole time, you wouldn't even let me go to the bathroom" "Well sorry, I guess you're free to go" "Thanks"   

After the match I was constantly texting Hope, surprisingly she was texting back that was until she went to dinner with the team.   

The teasing at dinner was relentless, everyone wanted to know who was so important that I had to text them after the match. I kept telling them that it was just a friend, but nobody believed me, apparently I was too secretive and the smile on my face says 'more than friends'. It made me a little nervous if I was so obvious to my teammates over texts, would it be the same when I see Kelley? This made hesitant to see her, why did Carli have to be away? I needed to talk, she's the only one that knows I like Kelley.   

We got home late on Sunday night, I was relieved about this, it meant that I didn't have to see Kelley till the next day, and I needed some time to clear my head. Talking to Carli helped, it made me feel a little better knowing that she was sure Kelley wouldn't be able to tell, she hadn't been able to since now.  

                                xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   

Kelley had gone to the world cup, I tried watching as many games as I could but it wasn't always possible with my own matches, so far it seemed like Carli was right, nothing had changed in our relationship, we still went jogging and talked constantly. Even while she was gone we talked, I felt like I could tell her anything, execpt the little piece of information about my feelings.   

I couldn't believe I was at the world cup, everything felt so surreal, but I was so happy. The matches were hard and it felt good knowing my parents were in the stands, but what felt even more amazig and what made me even more nervous was thinking about Hope watching me at home. Even with all the distance we still talked every day, it was always the one part ot the day that made me smile.

Even Tobin noticed that I talked to her everyday, "Dude you talking to your secret admirer again?" "What? No, why?" "You have that look on your face again" "What look?" "That look like you have a secret" "I uh I don't" "Hey I know we aren't best friends, but seriously I'm not stupid, but if you don't want to talk about it, that's cool" I was a little conflicted I wanted to talk to someone other than Ali about Hope to try and get a different perspective.   

But Tobin was also religious how would she react if she found out I like girls? But on the other hand she was such a cool chick maybe she wouldn't care, she doesn't seem to be bothered by most things. "Tobs you wanna go for a walk?" "Sure" she gave me a reassuring smile and I knew it wasn't a mistake to tell her. When we got outside we went to the gardens "So whats up Kell, you're acting weird" "Do you have any gay friends?" "Yeah, loads why? You like girls?" "I..." I cleared my throat, "I think so". She patted me on the back "So that's the secret admirer?" "Yeah"   

I felt so much better being able to talk to Tobin about Hope, she was so different to Ali, Ali always wanted me to tell Hope or make a move, but Tobin understood what that would actually mean. If she didn't like me in that way everything would get weird, "I could lose a good friend if I tell her. It's hard because sometimes it looks like she likes me to and then other times it's like we are just friends" "I get it dude, but there is no rush right" "I guess, yeah" "So keep doing what you're doing, it will become clear eventually" "Thanks Tobs"   

We won the world cup I couldn't believe it, I was so happy I was runnig around and hugging people, probably harder than I should but I couldn't help it. Everyone was yelling amd running around it was great I had never been this happy. After the ceremony was over the whole team and our families went out to celebrate, obviously we couldn't drink but it was still fun and we didn't go to bed till early the next morning.   

When we got back home I couldn't wait to go see Hope, I wanted to show her my medal and tell her everything that happened even though she has heard the stories before. When I finally saw her I could tell something was wrong, she barely looked at me and her answers were only a few words every time "Ok, what's wrong you're freaking me out a little" "Nothing...it's nothing" "No it's not so come on talk to me" "We didn't make the playoffs" "I'm sorry, I didn't know, but there is always next year" "That's not it, I'm...I'm leaving in three days". I tried saying something but nothing came out I could feel myself opening and closing my mouth.   

She just stood there opening and closing her mouth "I'm going to Sweden, since we didn't qualify I get to go earlier" this was what I wanted but I was sad because there was a part of me that knew I wasn't coming back to Seattle, and that meant I wouldn't see Kelley again, maybe even never. "That's....really great, I'm just.......so happy for you" "I'm sorry Kelley, I wish we could hang out some more, but I...uhm have to pack" "Oh....yeah sure, no problem" she left pretty quickly after that.   

I felt like crying, she was leaving, who knew when she would be back, this just isn't fair she really is one of my best friends, even if I do like her. I decided that I was going to make her a going away gift, just something for her to remember me by, a couple of pictures and stories I don't really have alot of time.   

I was leaving the next day I hadn't heard anything from Kelley since she left yesterday, I even tried sending text but there was no reply. I was thinking about going to their house just to say goodbye when someome knocked on the door. I was so glad to see Kelley standing there, her hair was a little messy and her cheeks were flushed "Hey" "Hi" I let her walk inside. "I....uhm made this....for you" she handed me a  wrapped gift.   

I was surprised I wasn't expecring anything at all, I didn't even think that she was going to come say goodbye "Thanks, you really didn't have to" "I didn't want you to forget about me" she said shyly. I smiled happily at this "That's impossible", I opened the gift amd was amazed at what she had done "You made this?" "Yeah.....sorry it looks so.....weird, but I tried my best in such a short time" I couldn't help but smile, the book reminded me of everything there is to love about Kelley "I love it, it's so.......you"   

I blushed when she said that "Uhm, thanks I guess" "Really thank you Kelley, you have no idea how much this means to me" she gave me a big hug, my feet weren't touching the ground anymore but I didn't care I grabbed onto her "I'm going to miss you". I could hear my voice breaking, dammit don't cry just yet "I'm going to miss you too Kell" I pulled my head back to look at her, it looked like she had tears in her eyes too. My eyes flickered down to her lips I closed my eyes and I leaned in.   

When Kelley closed her eyes and leaned in I almost kissed her too but I couldn't I turned my head, I felt her body stiffen immediately "I'm....so sorrry I....I don't know what I was thinking" "I'm sorry, but it's just not right" I put her down and she headed for the door. I grabbed her arm and spun her around.   

When she spun me around I didn't know what to think "That didn't come out right" she took a deep breath her hand clutching my arm "I like you Kelley I do, and I would kiss you, it.'s.....you're just.....young, it's not right like this". I felt angry and pulled my arm out of her hand "Goodbye Hope have a good time in Sweden" I yell over my shoulder before running out.   

Dammit this wasn't what I wanted, I didn't want to kiss her because I was leaving I wanted something special because she was special now I ruined it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long I had some trouble writing it, definitely not my best, but I hope you enjoy. And as always feedback is welcome.


	10. Out of sight out of mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are a couple of time jumps in this chapter indicated by xxxxxxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long I wasn't happy with the first draft so I rewrote it hope you guys enjoy it.

I didn't realise how much I needed Sweden until I got there, it felt like I could breathe again, I didn't know how much I was holding in, how much was on my shoulders until I finally left it behind. For the first time in my life I felt free, I didn't have to worry about my father, I didn't have to take care of my brother or mother, I only needed to take care of me.   

The only down side is that I couldn't get Kelley to talk to me, I tried calling and texting but she didn't answer and didn't reply, and it's not like I can just go over and talk to her. I understand that she is hurt, and probably embarrased as well, I would be too, but I didn't totally reject her I just knew that it wouldn't be right to kiss her and then leave. If it had happened sooner I would have kissed her, but it didn't and right now all I wanted was for her to talk to me again.   

I was embarrased about the way I acted when Hope left, I shouldn't have gotten angry I get it now, I kiss her and then what, she leaves, we don't get to see each other, and can only talk over the phone or skype? That's not fair to either of us, and I was wrong for trying to kiss her in the first place, but now I was too embarrased to talk to her, what do I say? Hi sorry I tried to kiss you, can we be friends again? Or  sorry for over-reacting, can we move on? All of them just didn't seem right.   

Ali kept telling me to just talk to her and just ignore the fact that I tried to kiss her, even that didn't make sense to me, how do you talk to someone while ignoring the elephant in the room, I can't do it. Tobin on the other hand said I should just talk to her like I always do, talk about the almost kiss and get it out of the way. It sounded good but how do I do that, maybe the best would just be to reply to one of her messages and see how it goes from there.   

I decided that I was going to reach out to Kelley one last time, if she wasn't going to talk to me then there really was no point in holding onto a friendship that was one-sided. I didn't think this time would have been any different, but for some reason she replied, the day I was giving up she decided to try again, life really is funny sometimes. I was relieved to find that after everything that happened we somehow still talked like it didn't matter, even if it did matter alot, right now it didn't matter, but one day it would.    
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Playing in Sweden during the world cup was different, we would be playing a match and then the next day we would be in a stadium watching a match, it was great to get a chance to watch the US play live, and in that moment I knew, I was going to get a chance one day, I was going to do everything I could to make it, I was looking at the dream I wanted to achieve it, I wanted to stand in the goal and represent my country.   

Even if I couldn't see Hope everyday anymore I still made sure to talk to her as much as I could, and when it came time to decide on which college to go to I was torn. I got scholarships for pretty much any school you could think of, but where was I supposed to go, which one am I supposed to choose. Everyone around me said I should make the decision myself no one could make it for me, and when ever I tried talking to my parents about it they agreed with everything I said, but when I asked for their opinions, they somehow didn't have any.   

So I talked to the one person I knew would actually tell me what they thought, I had narrowed it down to three shcools, North Carolina, University of Washington and Stanford. I wanted to go to North Carolina because it has a great soccer program and is a great school, Washington because it was close to home and Stanford because well, it was Stanford.   

When Kelley called asking for my honest opinion I knew it was serious she usually doesn't start a conversation that way "Ok, I'll be honest, what's bothering you?" "I can't choose a school, there are too many options" I shook my head, I only had one option and for me it was the perfect one, but I can understand why it is a hard choice "Which school do you really want to go to?" "I don't know, everyone has their pros and cons" "Come on Kelley, deep down there is one you like more than the rest which one is it?"   

"What if it's not the right one?" "If it's the one you really want to go to, it will be the right one" "So you are saying I should go to Washington" I don't really want to go to Washington, but I want to see if she'll tell me that or just agree with me "No, I'm saying you should pick the one that you want to go to, and we both know that Washington is not the place for you" "Why?" "Because they have nothing to offer you, they don't have the best soccer program, or the best academics record, so which one do you really want to go to?" Well she was being honest, but so was I, I didn't know which one to pick.   

"I don't know how to decide between North Carolina or Stanford" I smiled she knew which one she wanted she was just too scared to admit it "Stanford" "What?" "Stanford, you want to go to Stanford" "How do you know?" "Because North Carolina has a great soccer program and culture and their academics are good too, but Stanford has a great soccer program as well as  a great academic program. The two thing you want the most"   

"Why hasn't anyone else been able to tell me that?" "You're scared to make the wrong decision and they are probably scared to give the wrong advice" "How did you know?" "I didn't, you told me, you knew it was going to be Stanford all along you just wanted someone to confirm it"" "You're amazing you know that" I blushed when I said it, but it was how I felt "I was just being honest, like you asked"  

                            xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  

My first match as a Cardinal was surreal, I couldn't believe that I wass actually a Stanford student, playing for them, training with all these girls. I was glad to see a familiar face, Ali had also gotten a scholarship and we both got our starts in the same match it made me feel a little calmer.   

Sweden was good for my game, I became the player I always knew I could be, I didn't have any friends besides Lotta, and the only reason we were friends was because she reminded me alot of Kelley and because she helped me with everything I needed, since I still couldn't speak the language.   

I spent most of my days with Lotta, she was a nice and she spoke english to me, none of the other players did that, I didn't know why. Lotta was trying to teach me some Swedish, she said I needed to be able to talk to my teammates which made sense, the only problem was that it was alot harder than it seemed, and after about an hour I was tired and frustrated "Why is this so hard" "It's not, you just need to get used to it" "I can't even remember the words.....it's been an hour already" "Really? Ok you are not good at this. Maybe we should try a movie"   

So we decided tha a movie was a good idea, Lotta went to get a movie with english subtitles and I made lunch for us, when she got back lunch was done "So what did you get?" "Uhm Kyss mig, it's the only movie I could find with english subtitles" her cheeks were tinged red, and I could see she was blushing "Ok what's going on, your face is all red" "Uhm, it's just that I don't know if you are going to like it?" "Why not, what's it about?"   

"Well uhm, it's about a woman that's newly engaged and she goes home to visit her father who is about to get married as well. This is where she meets her soon to be step sister, and let's just say sparks start to fly almost instantly. But we don't have to watch it if you don't want to" I didn't really see a problem with it "Sounds interesting actually". I could see her visibly relax " Ok, great"

So we got comfortable in front of the TV, having our lunch while watching the movie, it was interesting and pretty early on I had started pcking up some words, I would just have to wait and see if I could remember it later. When it became apparent that they were going to sleep together Lotta spoke up "We can skip this scene if you don't want to watch this" "No it's fine....but are you ok with it" "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" "Because you are blushing and it hasn't even started yet" "Oh, right" she didn't say anything else and we finished the movie   

"So what did you think?" "It was pretty good" "And did you learn anything?" "Yes" "That's great, what did you learn?" "That you blush when there is a sex scene" she blushes again. "It's not like that" she says while still blushing "Then what's it like" "I uhm, it's not the scene" "Then what?" "It's the person I'm watching it with". Shit do I make her uncomfortable? "Sorry if I make you uncomfortable" "No, it's my fault" we sat in an awkward silence.   

"Can I ask you something?" "Yeah, go for it" "Are you gay?" I looked at her "I don't know, so far I've only liked one girl" "Oh, a girl back home?" "I suppose you could say that, but it's complicated" I could see her face fall a bit "Well that sucks, why's it complicated?" "We like each other, but she's younger...and we aren't really dating" "What do you mean younger?" "She's eighteen, we met when she was sixteen" "Oh, well that sucks, do you guys still talk?"   

"Yeah, we still talk almost everyday" "Are you really that into her?" "I don't know, we've been through some stuff together, and I don't know, she makes me feel different....like I'm worth something" I didn't want to drag up all the issues with my dad. "Why isn't she your girlfriend then?.... If you don't mind me asking?" "Like I said some stuff happened and a while after that I came here. I didn't want to start something and then just leave, she's still young, hell so am I, I didn't want a long distance relationship. You remind me alot of her" "I do?" she blushed "Yeah"   

About a month after we watched the movie and a couple of more language lessons I found myself opening up to Lotta more and more, I was even invited to family dinners, it reminded me of my time with Kelley and her family, but somehow I was more relaxed, I didn't have all the peoblems of Seattle hanging over my head. "How are things with Kelley?" I shurgged my shoulders "The same" I was making some sandwiches and wasn't looking at her, so when I looked up I was startled to see how close she was.   

"You still like her?" she asked "Yeah" she took the knife from my hand "Do you want to watch a movie?" "Uhm sure" "And afterwards we can have a conversation in Swedish, see how good you are" "Ok sure, you want some of my sandwich?" "Yeah, your sandwiches rock". After we ate she got up to leave "Where are you going I thought we were going to watch a movie?" "We are, we're going out" "What?" "Who do you think you'll be talking to, just me?" "Well yeah" "Nope, get ready I'll see you later at the theatre"   

When I got to the theatre she came up to me and gave me a hug, I stiffened immediately Lotta is only the second person ever to hug me, and she knew it, she pulled back with a big smile on her face "I was wondering if you would let me hug you, now I just need you to hug me back". The hug was a surprise but it was nice, I didn't feel the need to pull away like I always did, it made me realise I liked Lotta more than I thought "Uhm maybe one day"   

I had some trouble understanding everything in the movie but I still enjoyed it, "Come on you have to orders us some coffee" so we went to a coffee shop and I actually got the order right I couldn't believe it I was so happy about it. "That was really good, I'm proud of you" "Thanks, it feels great to get that right, thanks for all your help"  she just hugged me but this time I didn't stiffen up. When I pull back she kisses me, at first I was shocked, but then I kissed her back, her lips were soft against mne, her hands cold against my face, she pulls back I smile at her "Now I just need that hug"   

She held my hand and it felt great, I felt a little guilty about Kelley, but I felt happy at the same time and Lotta read me like a book "You're not cheating you know" "Yeah, but I still feel like I have to tell her" "Then you should, but this isn't a mistake I like you" I smile at her "I like you too" she grabs my hand and we walk to our cars. She gives me a quick kiss before saying good night. When I get home I have an email from US soccer, inviting me to my first camp.   

I called Lotta and told her about it, she was so excited for me, and I couldn't keep the smile from my face everything was starting to look up, now I just needed to talk to Kelley. Our conversations started like they always did but I was nervous and she could hear it "Ok what's going on, you sound off" "I actually want to talk to you about sonething, well two things actually" "Oh-oh that doesn't sound good" "I uhm, I kind of kissed someone" "You kind of kissed someone? How does that work" "Ok I kissed someone, I really like her, but I don't want you to be mad" "I'm not, I kind of like someone too, besides we would never work, we don't see each other"   

"You like someone too, I was feeling so guilty about not telling you," "I felt guilty too, I was going to call you tonight actually" "Yeah, well great minds think alike I guess" "So what was the other thing you wanted to tell me?" "I got a call up to camp" "Really, that's amazing! You're going to play for the national team! This is awasome! Congrats" "Thanks Kell". We talked some more but both of us had to go.   

When I got to camp I mostly stuck with Carli, I wasn't good at making friends and I was too brutally honest for most of them. But I was here to become the best, making friends wasn't part of the plan. That was until I met Tobin, I assumed that it was the same Tobin that knew Kelley, she was tan, liked to surf and was this completely chilled out. I understood why Kelley liked her, but sometimes the way she spoke grated my nerves.   

With my busy schedule and Hope's busy schedule we didn't talk as much as we always did, slowly but surely we talked less and less and eventually hardly at all. I didn't notice it, I guess the saying is true out of sight out of mind. I also got distracted by the girl on the team I had a crush on, she is smart and carefree and a really good forward, we were the dynamic duo of Stanford soccer. Her name is Christen and she has no idea I like her.                   

                    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   

"We should have a movie night again, you know to celebrate our victory" "Yeah, that match against Cal was brutal. The Alex girl is good, can you imagine playing on the sane team with her, we would be unstoppable." "I think we do pretty good" "Well duh, we did win. What movie do you want to watch?" "I'm not picky, anything will be fine" "I'll grab something from my room, see you later" "Yeah see ya"   

When it was time for our movie night it had started raining, Christen decided it was the perfect weather for a horror, I wasn't a big fan of the idea but I didn't say anything. I set up the TV and started the movie before jumping on the bed and laying down, Christen turned off the lights and lays down next to me, her focus was completely on the TV, I couldn't care less, I don't even know what we're watching.   

The movie wasn't very good and I kept stealing glances at Christen, she had such an intense look on her face, you would think it was sonething serious. I was looking more at her than the movie, I didn't even realise when it was over "Man that was awesome, I did not expect that ending" "Uhm yeah, totally unexpected" "You weren't even watching, I saw you looking at me". I knew I was blushing "I don't know what you're talking about" I swallowed.

She turned to me "I saw you looking at me....staring actually. Like what you see?" "Uhm....I...uhm...maybe?" I didn't know what else to say. She leaned closer to me "Good, I like looking at you too."  she leaned over and kissed me, her lips were so soft it made my head spin. When I opened my eyes she was looking at me smiling, I blew out  a breath "That was....uhm...good" "Yeah, I can't believe you made me make the first move" "Hey, I did invite you over"          

                                   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   

"I'm scared, what if I totally suck at camp" "Kel you'll be fine" "How do you know?" "Cause you're an amazing player, besides they wouldn't have called you up if they didn't think you could bring something to the table". We are laying on the bed, she strokes my face lightly and I close my eyes "I wish you were coming with me" "I'm sure I'll get there one day". I pull her ontop of me and kiss her before saying "But it's not tomorrow"   

I was meeting another new player at the airport, and we were both flying out together, when I walk up I realise I know her, she's from Cal, "Hey, it's Alex right?" "Hi, yeah, you're Kelley. You were a beast on the field when we played you" "Me? What about you, I have never seen anyone run that fast" "Thanks, you ready for this" "I hope I am, what about you?" "I'm hoping so too" "Let's do this then"   

I loved getting in to camp, knowing that I was going to be between the goalposts again was exhilirating, and getting to see Carli and Tobin again was also a plus. I was still not very popular among the other players, but I was good at my job and they respected that "Yo Solo! Long time no see" "Tobs, how are things" we greet each other with a high five, hugging people still wasn't my fortè and Tobin respected that. "So you excited to see her?" "Who?" "Kelley, she got called up, didn't you know?" "I... I had no idea" "I thought you guys were tight" "We were, kinda got busy, lost my phone and all my numbers, hell I even lost my number" I was looking forward to seeing Kelley again.   

The flight was good, Alex was nice I liked her and am looking forward to playing with her, but as we got closer to the hotel I could feel my heart racing, at least I knew Tobin would be there, and so was Hope. I was looking forward to seeing her, this will be the first time we see each other in more than two years, I was excited to catch up.   

I could see Alex was just as nervous as I was, it felt like the closer we got the faster my heart started to beat, as we were walking to the hotel we could see a bunch of the players in the lobby "You ready?" "As ready as I'll ever be" I took a deep breath and we went inside. "Look it's the rookies" someone shouted, everyone turned to look at us, luckily Tobin was there to break the ice. "Kelley dude finally, I was thinking you were never going to get here" "Come on it didn't take me that long" "Just two years" "Yeah well, at least I'm here now" "Jip, I got my buddy back"   

She gave me a hug "O hey, the names Tobin, Tobin Heath, and you are?" "Alex Morgan, nice to meet you" Tobin had this weird look on her face and Alex was just standing there "Tobs you wanna introduce us to your friends?" "Oh yeah right, sorry Abby, guys this is Kelley O'Hara and Alex Morgan, you'll get to know all their names soon enough" she said while pointing with her thumb over her shoulder, we just waved at them like two dorks.   

I was rooming with Heather Mitts, I didn't know that much about her, I just remeber she is a defender, hopefully she's a good roomie. As I walk down the hall towards my room, Hope walks out of her room, she smiles brightly at me before walking over "Hey" "Hi" she starts walking "I have a meeting with Pia, but I'll see you at dinner then we can catch up" "Yeah sure, see you then"   

When I go to dinner I'm excited to talk to Kelley, she's already sitting with Tobin and someone I didn't know, when I walk in, she looks over at me and smiles, I walk over to her "I'm going to get some dinner, save me a seat?" "Sure". As soon as I put my plate down Kelley ia hugging me, she's the best hugger, when I pull away Tobin is staring so is most of the team, and soon they start whispering and staring at Kelley.   

"Whoa, why's everyone staring?" "It's just me" "No it's not, dude your the only person I have ever seen her hug" "Seriously, a hug" "Well she's Hope Solo, badass who doesn't make friends easily and doesn't hug people" "Well tell me you at least hug Lotta?" "Yes" "Dude, who is Lotta?" as I'm about to say 'Her girlfriend' I see Hope shake her head "Her roommate in Sweden, O and by the way, why can't I get through fo you I tried calling you" "Sorry, I lost my phone a week ago I tried getting your number but you didn't reply to my email"   

"O shit sorry I was meaning to open that" "Well thanks" "O come on I can give you my number now" "True". It was great catching up with Kelley, even though we were stared at for most of the dinner, Carli even joined us and for the first time the table I was sitting at was one of the loudest, Kelley always changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also if anyone is interested in being a beta I would appreciate it, I write all of these on my phone and I know I don't see all the mistakes. And as always feedback is welcome.


	11. Camp

"You know you look really cute pixelated" "I hope that is your way of saying you miss me" "It is, I miss you so much you look cute on my computer screen.....or it could just be that you are just that cute" "Gosh you really get sappy when you miss me" "Do I get a thank you for my sappiness?" "I don't know if you should" "Aw that hurts my feelings" "Maybe if you are really good I can give you a reward" "And here I thought you liked the bad girls" "Kelley when have you ever been a bad girl?" "I'm just that good at hiding it" she shakes her head "You are lucky you're cute"   

"Tobsy I'm bored, lets do something" "What do you want to do Kell?" "I don't know you're the veteran, what do you usually do?" "I dunno, watch movies, play some games or go exploring, in some cases shopping" "Urg, how about we go kick the ball around" "Like soccer tennis?" "Hell yes!". We were on the third floor of the hotel and I was too impatient to wait for the elevator so we took the stairs.   

As I push the door open I look back at Tobin wanting to brag about my soccer tennis skills, but I walk into what feels like a wall and I stumble back before falling, without even looking what, or who I walked into I say "Who puts a wall behind a door". Tobin burst out laughing and when I turn to look in front of me Hope is smirking at me and Carli starts laughing too "Oh hey" she extends her hand to help me up.   

"Hey, you ok?" "Yeah, I've run into you before so this is nothing" I pull her up to her feet "Where are you two off to?" "Gonna play some soccer tennis" I look over at Carli and she just shakes her head "Want some competition?" Kelley turns to Tobin and asks "Do you think we can beat a GOALKEEPER at soccer tennis?" "Dude why did you even ask" "Ok yeah we want competition"   

We walk out to the garden of the hotel and decide to use a bench as our net "You guys ready?" "We're young, we're always ready" "Ooo and the trash talking begins, just one question when will we win? You know how many times do we have to score before we win?" "Ha, as if you'll even be able to score five times, but how about we make it twelve points?" "Sure, two rounds?" "Deal"   

We decided to warm up a little, just bunt the ball to each other, while we were doing this Alex and Ashlyn came walking up, Ashlyn immediately says "My money's on Hope and Carli" "What? Tobin and Kelley are going to kill them" "Want to bet?" "Sure 20 bucks?" "Cheapy" "Hey, I'm still a poor college student" "Fine 20  bucks"   "I think that's enough warming up, you old ladies ready?" "Extremely ready" "Alright let's do this" 

Tobin and I won the coin toss so we got the ball first, and we scored almost immediately "Score one for Telley" "Dude Telley, really?" "Well what else can we use?" "O'Heath" "Can we just play, you can argue about this later" "Don't be jealous Solo" "Nothing to be jealous of O'Hara" "Hey get back to the game I want to win my money" Alex yells   

"Dude we are getting our asses kicked by them" "I would say so" "Come on we can't lose to them" we were down 1-7, I have no idea how this is possible I mean Hope is a goalkeeper, she hardly uses her feet, yet she is probably better than Carli. After a humiliating defeat to Hope and Carli it was almost time for dinner "Ahh don't feel too bad, babies usually lose" "Ok ok we lost can we just go have dinner?" "Sure"   

I was sitting with Carli and Christie when Tobin, Alex and Kelley sat down, Ashlyn yells from the table next to ours "Thanks for the money Alex" Carli and I burst out laughing while Alex scowls "Ok seriously I have to ask how are you so good at soccer tennis?" "You know I still hold the record for the most goals scored at my high school" "How bad was your team, you're the goalkeeper" "Now I am, but I used to be a forward" "What!" "No way!" "Dude you so played us" "It's not my fault you didn't know that" "Maybe next time you two won't be so eager to beat the  old ladies"   

I eat quickly because I have a skype date with Lotta, we haven't seen each other in almost a month, first she was away at camp for the Swedish national team and now I am at camp "Are you sure there isn't a vacuum attached to your mouth?" "Wha?" "Why are you eating so fast?" "I have a skype date" "With your Swede?" "Who else" I gulp down my water "See you guys later" and I head to my room.   

I turn my laptop on and plug it in, the battery is low, I've just logged on when the annoying ringtone starts, when I accept I expect to see Lotta, instead I see an empty chair "You know the point of video calling is so I can see you" "Funny, I didn't think you would answer so quickly, you usually take your time" "Guess I just miss you" "Where is Carli?" "She's still at dinner" I can feel my cheeks burning, I said I missed her and she didn't say it back. "Are you alone?" "Yes, everyone is still eating dinner, are we done with the 20 questions?"   

"Hang on I'm almost done.... I just want to look perfect" "You always look perfect, besides I'm wearing some shorts and a t-shirt, hardly perfect" "Ok close your eyes and when I tell you, you can open them" so I close my eyes. "Are they closed" "Yes" I say exasperatedly, I hear some shuffeling and footsteps "Ok, open your eyes" when I open my eyes, I feel the breath leave my body "Wow, you look.....amazing"   

My eyes are roaming all over her body, she had on blue langerie that contrasted perfectly with her pale skin, her hair was slightly curled, it fell like waves to her shoulders, she stood there looking at me "Go lock your door" I jumped up off the bed and ran to the door locking it, and then return quickly to the bed. I can't keep my eyes off her "You are wearing way too much clothes, I think you need to lose your shirt" I move to remove my shirt "Slowly" and I slow my movements.   

"Now the shorts...slowly" "You are killing me right now" but I do as she says, now both of us are in our underwear, she starts massaging her breasts, I feel my heart rate increase and my eyes are locked on her breasts, Lotta let's out a low moan and I can feel myself get wet. "Join me" she breathes out I do as she says and am amazed at how good it feels, I'm breathing hard and my heart is racing, I unclasp my bra and I see her looking at me, I start to remove it when there is a loud knock on the door, I almost fall of the bed "Team meeting in five" I hear Carli yell.   

"Shit, but dinner just ended!" "Exactly, move your ass" I look at the screen while starting to redress "I-I'm sorry, we weren't supposed to have a meeting" she puts on a robe "It's ok, it's not your fault" I already feel frustrated "I can't wait to see you again, you look really hot in the blue" she smiles "I miss you too, three more days" I smile "Miss you more" by now I'm fully dressed "I have to go, talk later?" "Sure" she blows me a kiss, I smile before kissing my fingers and placing it on her face "Bye"   

Hope was a little late to the meeting she mumbles a 'Sorry' before taking a seat, Pia continues her talk, I can see her cheeks are a little flushed wonder what that's about. After the team meeting we all decide to watch a movie, the debate was still going on what we should watch, by now it was between a drama or a comedy, Hope walks off to one side pulling out her phone, I can hear her talking, but she's definitely not speaking english. Wow she speaks Swedish now, that's so cool.    
(Talking in Swedish)  
"Hey, Im sorry but I have to cancel our talk later" "We can talk now" I laugh and shake my head "I can't we are having a team bonding session so we're going to watch a movie, if it's not too late after I can call you then" "No that's ok it's already late, we'll talk tomorrow" "Ok sure, I miss you ,sweet dreams" "Miss you too, now go have fun with your team" "Ok bye" "Bye"   

"Comedies, I love comedies, which one are we watching" somebody yells "Wedding crashers" then someone else yells "40 year old virgin" another person yells "Hitch" all I'm thinking is 'we are never going to watch this movie' Christie gets everyone attention "Ok let's vote on this, who wants to watch wedding crashers? Raise your hands" she does a quick count, "Ok 40 year old virgin" another count "Ok there are only three people who haven't voted yet so the winner is Wedding crashers."   

A couple of boo's come from the team, but almost everyone seems content with the decision, walking to the conference room I walk in with Tobin and Alex, they seem to have really hit it off "Are we sitting in the front or the back" "The back" they say in unison then they look at each other before laughing. We make a beeline for the back, I have seen the movie quite a few times so after a while my eyes start wandering.   

Pinoe and Lori are totally entranced by the movie, Christie looks like she want to go to sleep, Abby keeps talking to Carli who looks like she's ready to stangle her. Ali and Ashlyn seem interested in the movie but they talk every now and then Hope looks like she doesn't want to be here, HAO looks like she has fallen asleep already, Becky has a book open and Barnie is next to her,quiet as ever. But the most interesting thing seems to be happening next to me, from the corner of my eye I see Tobin grabbing Alex's hand and they keep holding hands, with Tobin having a slight smile on her face.

By the time we got back to our rooms I was tired, but I was going to have a chat with Tobin at breakfast, that is going to be fun. Mittsy was already in bed "Hey roomie, wanna do my nails tomorrow?" "Sure, if you do mine" "Tangerine is going to look good on you" "I don't know about that, we'll see tomorrow, have a good night Mitts" "You too Kell"   

"Yo Tobito" I say while walking over she raises her hand giving me a high five "What up Kelley" it was still early and we were the only ones already at breakfast "So you wanna hold my hand through breakfast?" she clears her throat "Uh....Uhm...what?" "What, isn't my hand as alluring as Alex's" I say while wiggeling my fingers in front of her, her face turns about as red as it can with her tan "I have no idea what you're talking about" "Oh come on now I saw you guys yesterday....during the movie. And your face is totally red right now, so spill"   

When I walk into the dining room I see Tobin and Kelley deep in discussion, they don't even notice me, I'm surprised they are up already I'm usually the first one. I go to get myself some coffee the first sip is always the best, I bring the cup up and breathe in deeply smells good but not as good as the coffee in Sweden, I take a sip 'Oh man that hits the spot'. I didn't even realise that Kelley was standing next to me.   

"Well somebody likes their coffee" I open my eyes and look at her "Everyone needs their pick me up, what has got you so excited early this morning" "Oh you know, just young love" I glance over at Tobin "For you or Tobin?" "Since my relationship isn't that young anymore..." "Tobin actually likes somebody?" "Don't sound so shocked, she's human" "Funny, I just meant that she's so in love with soccer I'm surprised she even noticed someone else" "She more than noticed" "Well I'm going to be a good friend and not ask you who it is, wouldn't want to tempt you" "Like I would even tell you"   

"Course you would, we have been friends longer" she winks at me before leaving, did she just wink at me? I turn to look at her but she just keeps walking not turning to look at me, I shrug my shoulders grab some coffee for me and Tobin and head back to the table "What was that about?" "I have no idea" "Looks to me like you want to hold her hand" I tried swatting her arm but she moved away " Missed me"   

I walk away, hoping it looks confident, but what the hell was I thinking who the hell winks at someone, winking is weird and creepy why did I do that?  

I have an early flight, earlier than everyone else because I'm going farther then everyone else, I wasn't expecting anyone to even be awake. I'm already packed and ready to leave I just need to get some breakfast, when I get downstairs Kelley, Tobin and Carli are already there. "Hey what are you guys doing here" "You didn't think we would let you leave without saying goodbye" "Well that's usually the case" nobody ever says goodbye to me, most of the team don't really like me, I guess some of that is my fault too but I like it this way, less distractions.   

"How did you find out when I was leaving?" Tobin points to Kelley "She's got skills dude" I raise my eyebrow "So it seems" "Yeah, so come on, we got you some coffee, we know how you love it" Carli pushes a cup towards me "Is someone going to pull out a plate full of my favourite food now?" "You wish, go get your own food"   

When I get to the buffet the usual breakfast stuff is there, cereal, eggs, fruit, yoghurt and granola, but there is also my favourite, blueberry pancakes and bacon  I am just about ask how they did that when again Tobin points at Kelley saying "Skills" "I haven't had these in so long" I fill up my plate and head back to the table waiting for them to join me before I start eating.   

We have some light conversation, joking and laughing, like we do at pretty much every breakfast, when we're done we just sit there for a little while "Well I have to get going soon, thanks for this guys" we all get up at the same time Carli puts her hand on my shoulder "Gonna miss you buddy, see you again soon ok" "Yeah, I'm gonna miss you too" "Later dude" Tobin high fives me "And don't lose your phone again, you know I gotta talk to you when I want" "I'll do my best Toby" "Don't call me that" "You love it" "Just have a safe flight" "You too"   

Tobin and Carli leave me and Hope alone "Thanks for this, it was really great" I shrug my shoulders "Eh it was no big deal" "It was actually, this is the first time I leave where people say goodbye, usually they jusy do it the day before" "Well that sucks" "I'm used to it" "You shouldn't be" "It is what it is". I step closer to give her a hug, when I do I can't help but smile and inhale deeply I've missed this more than I realise she pulls away "Don't be a stranger" "I won't" and that was it.   

When I got back Christen was waiting for me at the airport, when she saw me she ran up to me gave me a hug and grabbed my bag "Welcome home baby" "It's good to be back" "Let's get you home for that surprise" I sling my arm over her shoulder "Let's"   

On the drive back we talk a little about camp, I tell her about how much fun I had with the girls and catching up with Tobin, then I ask her how their match went, she gives me a sly smile "We're in the semi-finals" "Yes I knew you guys could do it, I would hug you right now, but I'll let you drive"   

When we get back I find it really hard to keep hands of her, while she's trying to open the door my arms are around her waist and I'm kissing her neck, when I feel her shiver I can't keep the smile from my face "I can't concentrate" "You don't have to for very long" I say while placing small kisses down to her shoulder. She pushes me away before opening the door and slipping inside "Where are..." "SURPRISE!" everyone from the team is there, this was not what I was expecting "What's going on?"   

"This is your congratulations on going to camp, welcome back and we made it to the semi's surprise party" "I am definitely surprised" everyone is still looking at me "Get me a beer and crank the music" everyone cheers and thankfully someone starts playing some music. I dance over to Christen "This was not the surprise I had in mind" "I know, but the team really wanted to do it, I couldn't say no" she looks at me with her puppy dog eyes "You are lucky you're cute" I say before kissing her "And we have all night" she says before deepening the kiss.   

We dance for most of the night, and when everyone leaves I sigh in relief "Finally" "You tired?" "No" I say as I grab her around the waist "I wanted everyone to leave so I can have you all to myself" "Really, why is that" I kiss her, softly at first, then I run my tongue across her lower lip, she opens her mouth and we start fighting for domination. Somehow we end up in the bedroom "This is the surprise I had in mind"   

I am tired when I get off the plane but I can't keep the smile off my face when I see Lotta waiting for me, when she sees me she runs over and jumps on me, her legs wrap around my waist and she yells "Hopey!" I wrap my arms around her tightly "Hey" I breathe out. She unwraps her legs "Let's get you home, you look like shit" "You always say the nicest things" "I just tell it like it is" "I'm sorry I don't look like a supermodel after my 14hour flight" "You still look better than most"   

I fall asleep on the drive home, the light rain against the window lulls me to sleep, reminding me of Seattle, I feel myself being shaken awake "Go take a shower and I'll make you something to eat" "Thanks". The shower feels great, I felt so sticky before I got under the spray of water, I start to feel more awake, when I finish I go to the kichen.   

"You made me chicken soup? I'm not sick" "I know, but it's the only soup I know how to make" "Thanks" I didn't realise how hungry I was until I started eating "This is really good, you're going to have to make it more often" "I can do that". After eating I turn on the TV and lay down on the couch, I'm going throught the channels looking for something to watch when Lotta climbs over the back of the couch and straddles me.   

I smile up at her and put my hands on her thighs, she leans forward thinking she's about to kiss me I lick my lips, she doesn't lean down to kiss me instead she rests her cheek against mine, her mouth is now next to my ear "I missed you" her breath against my ear makes me shiver. "I missed you too" "How tired are you?" "I'm wide awake" she grinds her hips into mine "Good"   

"Now.....I'm exhausted" I say breathing heavily "That...just means...we did it....right" she replies, I laugh "Were we doing it wrong before?" "No...we just outdid ourselves today" "Yes we did" she moves so her head is on my stomach and her legs are hanging off the side, I stroke her hair "How was it seeing Kelley again?" "It was fine" "That's it?" "It was nice seeing her again, but that's about it" "Anything happen?" "No, everything was pretty much the same as always, why?"   

"No reason just wondering" "Why don't I believe you" "I don't know" I stop stroking her hair and pull her up so she's next to me, I look into her eyes and ask "What's bothering you?" "It's nothing, it's stupid" "It's not stupid if it's bothering you, what is it?" "You didn't feel anything?". I hesitate a little and she notices "I don't know what I feel for her, but I know what I feel for you" she smiles at me "And what is that" "Mmmm well it starts with an L and ends with and E"   

I do know that I like Lotta a lot, a whole lot, but I don't know if it's love or not. I can't say I love her if I don't really mean it, "Can we go to sleep now cause I really am exhausted" she strokes my face, "Go to sleep"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, hope you guys enjoy it, not much happened in this chapter, but the next one is drama filled. And as always feedback is welcome, so hit me up and tell me what you think.


	12. What now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some drama and intrigue.....or not you decide.

With the World Cup qualifiers coming up the last day of camp was a tense affair, everyone wanted to be part of the team that would go to Cancun. I wasn't too worried about making the team, I was playing alot more matches than the other goalkeepers so I wasn't as sluggish as they were. When the list came out I was happy to see Carli, Tobin, Alex and Kelley had made the team as well, they were the only people on the team I got along with.   

I walk away having found out what I wanted, when Kelley jumps onto my back yelling "Yeeeeeaaaahhh!" I can only laugh at this, she climbs off and says "Cancun is going to be awesome, we are going to be awesome, best team ever" "Yeah, it's a good team" "That's all you have to say?" "Oh yeah congratulations on making the team" "Thanks, you too, but you need to be more excited about this, we're going to Cancun baby" "It looks to me like you are more excited about the venue then the actual event" "Am not" "Please don't tell me you expect me to say 'are too' right now"  

                                                  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

This was my going to be my last championship match as a Cardinal, this was my last chance to win a NCAA title and I was going to do everything I can to win it. Practices were going great, we had a game plan and the team was really meshing together well, but we had a big job in front of us North Carolina was no joke, and we had to bring it. But I was not only excited to play, but also to have a chance to catch up with Tobin, even though I had seen her two weeks ago, and I wanted to introduce her to Christen.   

"You excited?" "Yeah....and a little nervous" "Aah don't be, Tobin is going to love you" "I was talking about the game Kell" "Well that wasn't was I was talking about" "That's obvious now,but I'm not nervous about meeting Tobin, she looks cool" "She is, you're going to like her". We start to warm up and I can feel my stomach do a couple of flips, I look over to the other team and I see Tobin laughing and joking, I send over a wave and she waves back.   

My heart sank into my shoes when I saw the red card, this can't be happening I can't get a red card on my last game, I trudge off the field, I flop down on the bench, and I keep staring at the ground. I can see some mud and grass stuck to my boot, I can hear them running on the field and the cheers of the crowd, but I just sit with my head in my hands, I just can't look at them playing right now. When I finally lift my head the other team scores, I feel like crying, this is all my fault we're losing and it's all my fault, this was not how today was supposed to go.   

When the final whistle blows I just want to go to the locker room and cry, this just sucks, but I suck it up and I go to congratulate the other team, Tobin pulls me into a tight hug "It's good to see you again Kell" I feel the tears welling up in my eyes "Good to see you too" "We still on for dinner?" "Yeah", she goes off and celebrates with her team. "You ok" "No" I can hear my voice crack "It's not your fault baby" she hugs me and the tears start to roll down my cheeks. She just holds me and after a while the tears stop, we walk back to the locker room.   

After my shower a feel a little better, I'm still upset that I got sent off but I don't feel like crying anymore, I just need to process this loss, then I'll be fine. I text Tobin to find out where we are going to meet, she just let's me know that she'll come to us.   

We eat at a nice little restaurant, the food was good, but the company not so much, Tobin was quiet and distant, it was clear something was wrong, she's supposed to be happy she just won the championship, but it didn't look like it "Tobin what's up, you look like your dog just died" "It's nothing". I look at her for a while without saying anything "Yeah no, that's not true, Christen doesn't know you and even she can tell something is wrong" she sighs "Alex has a boyfriend" she lowers her eyes when she says this.   

"No way, really?" "Yeah, when I told Casey about her, she said last time she heard Alex had a boyfriend" "That doesn't mean anything" "I know, so I asked her....she didn't deny it Kell" "Damn that is so messed up, I had no idea. She looked so nice" Tobin puts her forehead on the table. "I feel so stupid, how didn't I see it" I place my hand on hers "It's not your fault Tobs, I didn't see it either" I can't believe this, Alex seemed so nice, and it looked like she really liked Tobin. Her  head is still down "She has no idea what she's missing"   

She looks up at me and smiles "Thanks Kell" I look around at the restaurant "How about we get you someone else" I point at one of the waitresses "She's cute" Tobin shakes her head "Nah, it's just not my thing Kell. I'll just focus on soccer" "You know I love you Tobs" "Love you too Kell"   

It was my first match back after camp, we were playing against LdB FC, I made a routine dive, but I had miscalculated how close I was to the post and my shoulder hits it. I was on the ground for a while holding my shoulder it hurt, more than I expected, when I got back up I could see the medical staff rushing over. They test out my shoulder and it hurts but I can still move it, to be safe I get substituted out and a huge bag of ice is strapped to my shoulder, the ice is uncomfortable at first, but once it goes numb it's not so bad anymore.   

Before I leave to go home the medical staff do some more tests, but seem to be happy with the results and let me go home advising me to put some more ice on when I get home. When I do get home I take off my shirt and try to look at the damage, there is already a bruise starting to form, great, I put some ice in a bag and sling it on my shoulder as best as I could, before wrapping it securely. Lotta was with the national team, this was their last camp before qualifying started.   

The next day at practice I take it a little easy, just doing basic footwork, and catching the ball, no diving for me. The doctors seemed happy with my shoulder and said that when the bruise was gone I could go back to full training. I still had some pain and stiffness in my shoulder, but I just assumed it was normal, amd I still had full range of motion so I wasn't too worried.   

When I talked to Lotta she seemed happy about what was going on at camp, I was surprised when she asked about my shoulder "How did you know?" "It's called the internet" "It only happened last night?" "Well you are the best, so people want to know, but seriously how bad is it?" "It's not that bad, I just have a bruise and some stiffness, the doctors say when the bruise is gone I should be able to continue full training" "Well that's good, what happened it's not like you to hit the post" "Yeah, I miscalculated how far I was from the post so when I dove I hit my shoulder." wanting to change the subject I ask "So how are things at camp?"   

"It's going good, I'm pretty sure I would be picked for the squad, but I'll just have to wait and see" "I'm sure you'll be picked, you're the best they have" "You have to say that" "I know....doesn't mean it's not true" I hear someone talk to her, but I can't make out what they're saying "I have to go, coach wants to talk to me" "Ok, have fun, see you in two days, bye" "See you, bye"   

After a week, the bruise has completely disappeared and I can finally train again, but after a couple of dives my shoulder starts to hurt a little and it gets stiff. After practice the pain goes away pretty quickly and I shrug it off, we just hang out at home not feeling like doing anything when I get a text from Kelley 'Did u knw Alex hd a bf?' I shrug 'No, why does it matter anyway?' almost immediately she replies 'It matrs 2 Tobs'.   

God I hate it when people text with these weird abbreviations, but then it makes sense, that's who Tobin liked 'Sucks for her, but it's not like they were dating or anything' 'It ws hedin that way' I was shocked I had no idea they liked each other 'What? How is she doing?' 'Shes upset duh' 'Send her my best' 'Ok'. I didn't know how else to handle the situation, so I did what I usually do and pushed it to the back of my mind.   

We have a match and during the warm-up I feel fine, no pain or stiffness, but it's a tough match and I am forced to make a lot of saves, after one particular dive pain shoots through my shoulder, worse than it was before. I move my shoulder a little but it's really tight, after a little while it goes away, but as soon as I fall on it, it gets tight again, but I tough it out for the match. It felt so good to put some ice on it, it hurt at first but it feels good after a while, when Lotta sees the ice she asks "You ok?" "Yeah, it's just a little sore, had a lot of dives on todays match" she gives ne a quick kiss "Ok" before heading off to somewhere in the house.   

The pain gets progessively worse, but I keep it to myself wanting to play as many matches as I can before heading off to qualifiers. I start changing my dive to minimize the pain, and it works I don't fall so hard on my arm and I can still stop the ball, the only downside is that it shortens my range sligtly. If the coaches notice they don't say anything   

I only have three more matches before I head back to the US to meet up with the rest of the team and then staying there for a week before heading down to Cancun. I had to ice my shoulder after every practice and match, I told the doctors about the pain that I was still experiencing especially after diving. They did a couple of test but told me that I needed to get a MRI scan to get a better idea of what is going on, the coach asked me if could still play and there was no hesitation in my mind "Yes"

I made an appointment to get an MRI scan the day after my last match, Lotta and one of the team doctors came with me, it was kind of weird laying in the tube not being able to move. After waiting for about an hour we were called into the  doctors office, he went straight to the point and said "You have a serious problem, you have a very bad tear of the labrum, it so bad that the cartiladge around the area has almost totally disappeared. But not just that the tendon from your bicep is starting to pull away from the bone."   

"To be honest this could be career ending for you. You need to have surgery as soon as possible to prevent further damage" after I heard career ending I felt sick and my heart was racing. He starting talking about getting surgery and who should do it and when. "I'm doing it in the US, I want to do it there, I want access to US soccer and the US team" he gave me numbers of doctors that he recommends. I thanked him, but I was still in a bit of a daze.   

The ride home was quiet all I could hear over and over again was 'career ending'  I'm just getting to my best level, everything can't be taken away because of one stupid miscalculation, years of hard work and sacrifices can't just be taken away like this. I was in such a daze I didn't even realise that I was on the couch until Lotta spoke "So you're just going to leave?"   

"What am I supposed to do, just give up?" "You can stay here, there are doctors here too?" "I need to be able to keep in constant contact with US soccer, I have to compete in the World Cup" "There is skype and emails, you don't need to go" "And if they want to see my progress I have to fly across an ocean. The season is almost over anyway, why should I stay?". I could see the hurt in her eyes "What about me? Am I not important enough?"   

"It's not like that, this could end my career if I don't do this right! This isn't a personal issue" "That doesn't mean you don't have a personal life anymore!" "Till I'm healed, I don't have one, the next couple of months will consist of surgery, recovery and rehab, there isn't time for anything else" "You still need other people. And what happens to us? I love you". This was the first time she said that, this was the first time anyone has said it to me, I don't know how to reply.   

I just sit there "That's just great Hope, really? You don't have anything to say?" "I don't know what you want from me" "I want to know how you feel! What are we doing together?" "I don't know what I feel ok? I never had to deal with feeling, I had to survive. It's confusing for me I don't know what love feels like" "Try and tell me" "I like you, you make me happy, but I don't think it's love if I'm being honest" tears stream down her cheeks, I feel so uncomfortable right now, I have no idea what to do, should I hug her? Give her a tissue? Not knowing what to do I just sit there.   

After a while she gets up "Thank you for being honest, I hope everything works out for you" she's still crying when she leaves and I feel like a total asshole, this wasn't what I expected and I have no idea what to do. I don't know how long I was just sitting there, but I eventually get up and go the the room we share, the door is closed and I can hear her inside, I take a deep breath before knocking   When I don't hear anything I open the door and walk inside slowly "I'm sorry, I didn't want to lie" she looks at me, her eyes are puffy and red "There is nothing left to say really" "I don't want to leave things like this" "Deep down I knew this wasn't going to last, I'm upset and sad but I'll survive, just like you will". I put my hand on her shoulder "I'm sorry, I'll sleep on the couch till I leave" "Yeah, that will be best"   

I informed everyone I needed to about my injury, as well as my decision to go back to the US. After a couple of days I have my ticket and everything packed, things between Lotta and I are still tense, but have improved slightly, she told me she would send all of my stuff that I couldn't take with me, I was grateful for that she could have been bitter and not help me at all.   

Before I headed to the airport I was extremely nervous I didn't know how to say goodbye to Lotta but there was no way I wasn't going to. I went to her after calling a cab "Hey, I'm going to be leaving soon, I just want to say goodbye" "Ok" she wasn't going to make this easy "I'm sorry thing had to end this way, but I have to thank you too, I didn't think that I would ever be able to let someone in, but you changed that. You made me realise that I can let someone in, that I can have feelings for someone and be able to express it" she looks at me and tilts her head  to the side.   

"You have no idea how strong of a person you are, you are a great person and you were a great girlfriend, better than I think you realise. I didn't do anything it was all you" "I really didn't want to hurt you" the taxi honks its horn, how is it here already? "I really do hope everything works out for you, let me know how things are going" "Yeah ok" she gets up and gives me a quick hug "Bye" "Bye"   

I hadn't told any of my NT teammates about my injury, I was still kind of in shock over it all, I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that it would turn out this way. I didn't want them to find out through some press release, the first person I call is Kelley.   

Christen and I were having some fun, playing games and just goofing around, we are both out of breath when my phone rings, without looking at who is calling I just answer it "Hey" "Kelley?" I'm taken aback when I hear Hope "Hope?" I say breathlessly "Sorry, am I bothering you?" "No it's fine, just having some fun, what's up" Christen  just sits there looking at me "I uhm...I"   Why is this so hard "What's wrong" she asks immediately "I won't be going to Cancun" "What, why not?" "I uhm, I injured my shoulder, I need surgery" "I thought it wasn't a serious injury?" "Yeah, I thought so too...... It's bad Kell" I can hear my voice break when I say the last part.   

When I hear her voice breaking it feels like someone punched me in the gut "How bad?" "The doctor in Sweden said it could be career ending" when I hear this it feels like my heart drops to the bottom of my feet before jumping back up into my throat.

I felt like crying when I told Kelley it could be the end of my career, this is my first real emotional reaction to the news, why did it have to happen when I'm talking to Kelley. "When are you having the surgery?" "I'm on my way to the doctor now, I'll probably know by the end of the appointment" "Let me know when you can, I want to be there" "It's not necesary really" "I know, but I want to" "Thanks Kell"   

I knew I had to be there for her, she's too proud to ask for it herself , but I know she is scared and she wants someone there. When I see Christen's face I know she isn't too happy about it, but I knew if I explained everything to her she would understand, I couldn't let her go through this alone.   

"Listen Kell I have to go, bye" I ended the call quickly not sure what else to say, and I didn't want to cry before I saw the doctor, I didn't want to cry in front of the taxi driver either. I don't think I can handle another call like that so I send a text to both Carli and Tobin, not really sure if I want Alex to know. I turn off my phone before going into the doctors office, I didn't want any distractions.   

"I think we need to do the surgery as soon as possible, the quicker we do it the less chance of further damage" "Ok sure, when should we do it" "We want to do it in two days time" "Ok that is fine" I didn't have anything else to say I just wanted to get better. "This is going to be tricky, the shoulder is one of the few joints that moves 360 degrees, we have to anker the shoulder. We also have to reconnect the muscle, and we have to do all of this in two hours, then we have recovery and a long rehab." "I just want it to work" "It isn't all just on me, you have alot of work yourself, you need to be determined to get better, and even then it doesn't mean that it will give you full function" "I am determined, I have a goal I've wanted to reach since I was young, it was in my grasp before this happened, I want to get back to it" "Then I don't see us having any problems. My secretary will give you all your information, I'll see you again on Thursday" "Ok yes, thank you"   

After leaving the doctors office I was nervous, this was a big deal if it didn't work I have no idea what I will do. When I turned my phone on again, I had missed calls and messages from both Tobin and Carli, both of them wanting me to call them back, I didn't feel like talking to anyone right now, so I take a nap.   

"I don't understand why you have to go, she didn't ask you to go" I sigh "I don't have to, but I want to, she's one of my best friends, and she's too stubborn to ask" "Why doesn't Carli go, you have school she doesn't" "I'm closer to Hope than Carli is, and Carli is a little self-centered as well" "You're a little too close to her if you ask me" "Are you jealous?" "No....yes...maybe, I don't know" "There is nothing to  be jealous about, I love you" "Uh..." she blushes and smiles "I love you too" and I return her smile.   

After my nap, I send a text to both Carli and Tobin telling them when I will be having the surgery and that I was perfectly fine. It wasn't really true I felt like I was going to be sick and if I talk to them they would most likely realise that. I also send a text to Kelley not trusting my voice to not betray me, I try reading a book, but after that doesn't work, I turn on the TV but I just can't get my mind off of the surgery, I'm scared all I've ever wanted to do was play soccer I don't know what to do without it. It was my escape from my father and it gave me a chance to get away from a life that I didn't want, I don't know who I am without it.   

While in a heated make out session with Christen I faintly hear my phone go off, usually I would leave it, but it just kept on nagging at the back of my mind, so I pull away "What's wrong?" "Nothing, it's just my phone" "You can leave it till later" she leans forward again. "It's just bugging me, let me just check it" when I read the text I can't believe it "Two day, it's too soon" "What?" "Hope has her surgery in two days, in Alabama" "Are you still going to go?" "I told her I would" "How are you going to do that? We have a game Saturday? And we have practices" "I know, I'll try and figure something out"   

I did everything I could to make sure I would be there for Hope, I arranged with my coach that I would miss one day of practice, I didn't need to book a place to stay because I was just going to be there for the day, Hope even paid for my tickets saying she felt bad that I had to do so much, just to sit in a waiting room. Christen wasn't too thrilled that I would be with Hope, but she really didn't have anything to worry about, when she dropped me off at the airport I made sure to give her a proper kiss.   

I was glad to see Kelley, she somehow made the weight on my shoulders seem less I go in for a hug when she says "Gah I'm too scared to touch you, what if I hurt you" "Don't worry about it, it's fine" and I pull her in for a tight hug. I am still scared of what lies ahead, my heart has been racing all day and my stomach was full of butterflies.   

I didn't really know what to do while Hope was in surgery,sitting in the waiting room was a given, but I can't just sit still for more than two hours. At first I looked at the magazines that were on the table, that didn't last too long they were so old I was surprised I didn't find one that was older than me, why the hell don't they update these things it's ridiculous.   

I pull out my phone and try playing some games, but I can't seem to concentrate on it, I keep wondering how things are going, my minds starts wandering to dangerous places like what would happen if she couldn't play anymore? How would I hang out with her if she doesn't? Would I still hang out with her if she doesn't? Of course I would, she's awesome. But would she still be the same person if she doesn't play anymore?   

Somehow I must have fallen asleep because all of a sudden I am being shaken awake and told that Hope is out of surgery and that I can go to the recovery room. Her arm is in this weird looking machine and she's still asleep, I move some hair out of her face and sit down in the chair nearby. After what feels like an eternity she starts moving "Hey hey, take it easy now" she groans and looks at me "Kelley? What are you doin here" she says sleepily " Just taking care of you, how are you feeling?" "Like I'm floating" it's hard to make out what she's saying so I tell her to go back to sleep.   

It looks like she is going to go back to sleep, but then she turns her head to me and says "I have to tell you something" "Sure what is it?" she brings her non injured arm up and puts a finger over her lips, saying 'Shhhh it's a secret" it's pretty hard not to laugh at her right now. She beckons with her hand for me to come closer, I'm pretty close but her eyes are closed so I don't think she knows, she says something, but I have no idea what "What?"   

Suddenly I am pulled closer, she kisses me and it causes the strangest sensation through my whole body, I don't even think there exists a word to describe it, I don't even realise I am kissing her back until she stops "I've wanted to do that for so long" I'm shocked I don't know what to say when I look down at her she's asleep and all I can think is 'Shit'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like it and as always feel free to comment (Constructive critisism is always welcome)


	13. What now

Her lips on mine are so soft, I can stay here and kiss them forever, I don't know how long we stay like that and for some reason I don't seem to need air, I pull away when I am overcome by the urge to just look at her. Her eyes are the same beautiful hazel colour they have always been and her face is covered with freckles, I don't think I have ever seen her look so radiant, I smile at her and she smiles back, no word are exchanged before I lean in again.   

But when my lips touch hers, they're not the soft full lips I kissed a moment ago, they feel rough and stiff, when I try to look at her, I can feel two hands grasping my face keeping it in place, no matter how hard I try I can't break free. Suddenly the hands are gone and so is she I am alone in a dark room with a sliver of light shining behind what looks like a closed door.   

I'm confused and I have no idea where I am so I do the only thing I can I walk to the door and open it, at first the light is blindingly white and I use my hand to cover my eyes, slowly but surely the light starts to deminish, after a while I can see, but as soon as I realise where I am I can feel my heart rate increase, my legs are trembling I want to run but I can't I am frozen in place.    
My heart jumps into my throat as soon as I hear her laughter , Kelley is playing with a little boy in front of their house in Seattle, Christen is standing on the porch watching them, he looks so much like Kelley it makes my heart hurt even more when I see my father coming closer and closer to the house. I try to warn them but they don't hear me, I scream at them finally being able to move my legs I run forward, but for some reason I stay in place even though I am running.   

My father got closer and closer, he pulls out a gun and shoots Christen, she falls to the ground instantly, Kelley turns quickly, realising what happened she grabs the boy and runs, but she doesn't get far, she has the same problem as me she's running, but she isn't going anywhere. My father pulls the boy from her arms and I can hear her screaming to let him go. He shoots the boy in the chest right in front of her and I can hear her scream, she is trying to grab onto him but she can't.   My father turns towards me and laughs, he puts the gun to Kelleys head and pulls the trigger. 

I jolt upright, pain shoots through my shoulder I don't know where I am, I feel panicked my heart is racing and I can't catch my breath, until I see Kelley rushing over "Hey, whoa, you're ok, relax, just take a deep breath". I grab her hand, she's real it was just a dream, I look at her and take a deep breath, I keep breathing with her and soon I am completely calm.   

She looked so content sleeping, she even has what looks like a smile on her face, while I am stuck in the real world wondering what to do with that kiss. Does she remember? Should I tell her? Should I tell Christen? When I turn back to Hope I can see she is frowning and moving around slightly, I lean back in the chair again lost in thought.   

I can't stop thinking about the kiss, I don't know what it means, I just know that I liked it, probably more than I should have, but I can't keep the guilty feeling away, it gnaws at me, I have a girlfriend, who is back at school waiting for me, who I am seeing tonight, I won't be able to keep this from her I am a terrible liar. Suddenly I realise the beeping of the machine has increased, Hope's heart is racing, what the hell, she starts moving around alot, she is breathing so heavily I can hear her taking deep breaths.   

I start to move closer when she suddenly jerks upright in the bed, I can see her cringe a little, she is breathing heavily and she has a wild look about her, I rush over "Hey, whoa, you're ok, relax, just take a deep breath" her eyes lock onto me and she starts to calm down, she grabs my hand and takes a breath every time I do, pretty soon she is totally calm.   

"You ok now" "Yeah, I uh it was just a bad dream" "Ok, your shoulder ok?" "It hurt like hell but other than that it's fine" "Should I get a nurse?" "No it's fine, I just had surgery it's supposed to hurt right?" "Yeah I guess" "When do you have to go?" "I have to leave in three hours, but Carli should be here by then" "Carli's coming?" "Yeah, didn't she tell you?" "No I had no idea" "Well it's too late now, she's already on her way" "Why didn't she tell me" "Probably cause you would have told her not to come"   

Even though I knew it was a dream, it was weird, who was kissing me after Kelley and why did my father make an appearance, why was I kissing Kelley in the first place? I suddenly become aware of a hand waving in front of me "Hey, you ok?" "Yeah sorry, guess the drugs are still messing with me" "Yeah looks like it"   

I'm still talking to her when she gets this far off look on her face, when I ask her what's going on she doesn't reply, I wave my hand on front of her face and she finally comes back again. When she tells me she thinks it's the drugs, I know she's lying cause she does her little nose twitch she always does when she's lying, I start to panic did she remember kissing me, is that why she's lying?   

After a little while she falls asleep again and I am left wondering what the hell I am going to do, should I talk to her about the kiss? Dammit why did she kiss me, everything was fine until then. After contemplating all these questions I come to one conclusion, I have to tell Christen, I won't be able to live with the guilt and I won't be able to keep lying to her.   

When Carli arrives Hope is still asleep "How's she doing?" "She's been asleep most of the day, she just woke up once, but she wasn't awake too long" "Ok, any idea when she will wake up" "Absolutely none" we laughed a little "I have to kind of ask you something before I go" "Yeah sure, what's up" "Could you talk to her, and find out what she remembers from before she fell asleep" "Why? Did something happen?". I didn't know if I should tell her or not, but she is the only one I can trust with this really, she's been there from the beginning. "Uhm, she kind of kissed me before she fell asleep"   

From her face I can see she's shocked and she kind of whisper yells "What" "Yeah, but I don't know if she even remembers" "Why?" "Well she kind of fell asleep mid kiss" "Oh" "Yeah....so if you could......you know" "Yeah sure" "Thanks.....I have to get going, I'll talk to you later" "Yeah sure"   I wake up and I see Carli sitting in the chair "Where's Kelley?" "Well hello to you too" "Sorry, hey Carls" "How are you feeling?" "As good as I can be I suppose, soooo where's Kelley" Carli shakes her head, "She left, she had to get back" "Oh ok" "So what happened between you two?" "Nothing, not that I remember anyway" "What's bothering you then" "Nothing"   

"Oh come on, Kelley was looking nervous when I got here and you look guilty....or scared, it's hard to tell" "I just had a really weird dream and it kind of freaked me out" "You're freaked out by a dream" "It felt really real ok" "What was the dream about?" "I don't feel like talking about it" "Too bad" "You're a terrible friend" "No I'm not, you need to talk about this, doesn't matter if you want to or not"   

I sigh "Fine, but I don't like you right now" "I can live with that" I just shake my head "I was kissing Kelley..." "Wait, when were you kissing Kelley?" "In my dream" "I thought you were really kissing her" "No, this is how the dream started" "Ok continue"   

"Ok so I was kissing Kelley and it was great, but then it wasn't Kelley anymore, and no I don't know who it was. Then everything went dark and there was a light off in the distance, I went to it and opened a door. At first I couldn't see anything and then eventually I could make out my surroundings, I was back in Seattle, at Kelley's house, Kelley was playing with this little boy and Christen was watching them. Then my father showed up and killed them all, just shot them  like it was nothing and there was nothing I could do to help, I tried warning them"   

"Ok that is kind of a weird dream to have" "Yeah, and I just feel like it's some sort of warning" Warning for what?" "That I should leave Kelley alone because I'm just trouble" "Oh my god are we back here again, I thought we already went through this" "I can't help that that's how I feel, what if the dream means that if I stay friends with her, she's going to end up hurt" Carli shakes her head "You can also see it like you need to not leave her alone because she was with Cristen, it could mean that if you leave her with Christen she could get hurt"   

I didn't have a reply to that, it did make sense "And what about Lotta, where does she fit in", right I haven't told anyone yet "Uhm, we broke up" "What! How is this the first time I'm hearing of it, why didn't you tell me?" "It's not a big deal, and I was kind of busy and I don't want to talk about it either" "Well tough luck, spill" "We broke up end of story" "Uh-hu the whole story, what else are we going to do anyway?"

"You fucking suck you know that" "But I'm still your best friend" "Yeah" "Come on who else are you going to talk to about this" again she had a point "Fine, I had to decide where I was going to do my surgery and rehab, she wanted me to do it there but I wanted to come back here, I wanted to get US soccers input as well as keeping them up to date, which would be easier here" "Ok so you broke up because you wanted to go and she wanted you to stay, that makes no sense". Damn Carli for knowing me so well "It just wasn't working ok" she raised her eyebrow at me " Don't lie to me" "Urg you're killing me, what do you want" "Tell me why you broke up" "Because there is someone else ok!"   

"Kelley?" I sighed "Yes" I couldn't look at her while saying this "You are so confusing, you break up with Lotta because of her and then you want to stay away from her, how does that work?" "I don't know ok, I wasn't planning on having all these weird feelings, I'm still loopy from the meds, maybe we should talk about this tomorrow" "You don't seem loopy to me" "I feel loopy, and sleepy" "Ok you can sleep, just one question, what do you remember about today?" "Not much, getring here, talking to Kelley, and then you got here.....that's about it" "Well that's not alot" "Should I be remembering something?" "I don't know, should you?". Carli was looking at me expectantly, and I was wracking my brain trying to remember what I forgot, but my mind was just blank "Carli I can't think right now, just tell me" "Just go to sleep, we can talk some more tomorrow"  

                                    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   

I was nervous as hell this was my first camp back since the surgery and the world cup was only two months away, I know I'm not a 100% ready yet, but I have to try, time is running out and I need to show them where I'm at. I haven't done any type of training that is goalkeeper related, all I've done is rehab for my shoulder, to make sure I can move it in all the ways I am supposed to and to be honest I'm nervous about diving, I'm afraid of the pain.   

When I walk into the lobby the first person I see is Kelley, but she's not alone she's sitting and talking with Christen. My heart starts racing, what do I do, do I greet them or just walk past, there is nobody else around, and being the coward that I am when it comes to Kelley, I put my earphones on take a deep breath and start walking. I act as if I am lost in thought with my head down, but not completely I don't want to be obvious, when I pass them I feel relieved, I made it.   

Then I feel a hand grasp my arm I don't even have to turn around to look to know it's Kelley, I turn and she's smiling at me I can't help but return it. From the corner of my eye I can see that Christen doesn't seem to thrilled to see me " Don't I get an hello?" "Sorry Kell...ey, I was a little lost in thought" "It's fine, I'm glad you made it back, I knew you would" "Thanks.... I wasn't so sure for a while, but I have to go, talk to the coaches and all that. I'll see you guys at dinner?" "Of course". Damn why did I do that now I'm going to have to sit with them at dinner, that was already awkward enough how bad is tonight going to be. When dinner comes around I make sure to be the last one there to avoid Kelley.   

The days go by quickly and most of them blur into one, but the one thing that is the same everyday is the pain, sometimes I feel like giving up, like it just isn't worth it, but then I see how hard everyone else is working and I know it's worth it. Every night is the same as soon as practice is over I ice my shoulder, during dinner I ice my shoulder, and before I go to bed I ice my shoulder, I can see some of my teammates are worried, but deep down I wonder if they are worried for me or for the number one goalkeeper in the world.   

One night when I am getting some more ice I walk into Kelley, she stumbles back I try to stop her from falling, but it doesn't work and I almost fall on top of her, but somehow she falls and I have to jump over her to not fall on top of her or step on her. She stays on the floor laughing "Why are you laughing?" "Every time we see each other again, after a long time I always walk into you and fall over" I hadn't even realised it, but she was right, I stick out my hand "Come on let's get you up"   

I grab her hand and she easily pulls me up, I am still surprised by how strong she is " What are you doing here anyway" "I came to get some ice for my shoulder, you?" "Getting some ice for my ankle" "Are you ok?" "Yeah, just tweaked it a little, taking all the precautions you know" "Yeah ok". We stand next to each other getting ice "You still owe me a dinner" "What?" "When you first got here you said you'd see us at dinner, you never came"   

I totally forgot about that, I had been avoiding them since the start "Sorry, I've just been kinda busy" "Hey I get it, you have a lot of stuff going on, but I would really like for you to meet Christen". In all honesty I don't want to meet her, it is hard enough looking at them from afar, at how happy they are, now I will have to act all happy when I'm not "Yeah sure that would be great" I tried sounding as enthusiastic as possible but I know it wasn't very convincing "I can tell"   

She stands there quietly "What is wrong with you, you've been avoiding me since you got here" "Do you want the truth?" "I would appreciate it" "I don't want to meet her, I don't want anything to do with her". I shake my head "What happened to you" she gives me a smile, but I can see the sadness in her eyes "Seeing the person you love, love someone else hurts more than you know"   

I wasn't planning on saying that, but it was the truth it took me a while to realise it, but I love Kelley and seeing her with Christen hurts me, I want her to be happy, but I can't see her happy with someone else and not feel pain. I turn around and walk away quickly, I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't have done that I should have just agreed to meet her.   

"Seeing the person you love, love someone else hurts more than you know" as soon as I hear that I have no idea what to do, she turns around and leaves and I still stand there not being able to move. What the hell just happened? Did she really just say that she loves me? This can't be real, what do I do now? I am so lost in thought I don't realise that Christen entered the ice room "What are you doing Kell" "Uh, what?" "Why are you just standing there?" "Oh, uhm just thinking" "About what". Now I have no idea what to say, should I tell her, what's the worst that could happen?   

"Uhm, Hope just said sonething that's all" good that's not a lie, but not the whole truth either "What did she say" she has to be curious doesn't she, just tell her you didn't do anything wrong "She uhm, she said she loves me" "What! When!" "Just a little while ago" "I can't believe she did that, she knows we are dating right?" "Yes, it's fine just leave it" "No, she has no right to tell you something like that especially with your history". I sigh "We don't really have history, just calm down"   

"I am not some idiot Kelley, you have history doesn't matter that you didn't date or anything, feelings were involved" I couldn't argue with that. "What did you say when she said that she loves you?" "Nothing, I didn't know what to say" "Oh that's just fucking perfect Kelley" "Why are you mad at me now?" "Because you didn't say anything" "What was I supposed to say?" "I don't know maybe that you love me". She was right I could have said that, "I'm sorry I was shocked I couldn't think of anything", she storms off leaving me standing there very confused.   

The next day she was still mad at me and Hope was still avoiding me, how did things get so complicated? I try talking to Christen, but she is glaring at Hope and ignoring me, everyone at the table notices and they keep looking at me for answers, I just shrug not knowing what I can say, I feel relieved when we leave for practice, hopefully it will be a reprieve from all the drama.   

It only gets worse from there, we are doing shooting drills, everytime Hope is in goal and Christen has the shot she makes Hope dive on her shoulder, time after time, after a couple of dives I can see she is hurting, but she won't give up not in front of everyone. I walk over to Christen "Do you want to take it easy, she's coming back from a serious injury" "Are you serious right now" "What?" "You're protecting her?" "You're the one that is deliberately hurting a teammate" "I'm trying to protect my relationship" "By hurting someone else?" "So what it's alright if I get hurt?" "That's not what I mean".   

She turns around and takes her spot getting ready for her next shot, when she takes the shot Hope makes the save, but she grimaces when she gets up, and she cradles her arm close to her body. This causes Pia to step in "Ok ladies go cool off" everyone goes to grab some water "Hope, Christen a word please" I turn and see Hope and Christen heading towards Pia.

When we reach Pia she gets straight to business "I don't know what the problem between you two is and I don't want to, what I want is for the two of you to sort it out. So that's it for the two of you today, go hit the showers and sort out your problems" "What about the rest of the practice?" "You've already done enough for today, I don't want you to get hurt, now go". Christen doesn't say anything she just heads to the locker room. We don't say anything we just head to the showers, and in all honesty the water feels so good on my shoulder, but I have to get out eventually.   

When I get out Christen is already done and she's sitting there, it's obvious she is waiting for me "Hi?" I didn't really know what to say "Hi, really? That's it, you're trying to ruin my relationship and all you can say is hi?" "I shouldn't have said that to Kelley I know, I'm sorry, but I'm not trying to ruin your relationship" "Then what the hell are you trying to do?". I sigh "I was trying to explain my behaviour" "What behaviour?" "I've been avoiding Kelley....and you?" "Because you love her" "Yes, I'm happy she's happy, and I won't do anything to ruin your relationship, I won't interfere, as long as she's happy" "Then why won't you leave her alone?"   

After having some water and talking with some of the girls I realise that both Hope and Christen are nowhere to be seen "Where are Hope and Christen?" "I saw them walking to the locker room" Christie replies "Why?" "Pia's orders" "Are they in trouble?" "Nah dude" Tobin replies "Pia just doesn't like conflict on the team thats all" "Oh, ok". I try to focus on what is being said but my mind keeps wandering to the locker room and I can't help but wonder what is happening in there. "Hey, I'm quickly going to the bathroom, I'll be right back" "Sure dude".   

I walk as quickly as I can without looking too suspicious, I'm almost at the lockers and I don't hear anything yet, that's a good sign I hope. As I am about to enter the lockers I can hear them talking, I decide to just wait and listen, if it gets bad I can step in.   

It seems like a simple question, and I look at Christen tilting my head slightly, she is looking at me expectantly "Well why can't you just leave her alone?" "It's impossible to forget about someone you think about everyday, it's impossible to leave someone alone that you dream about every night"   

"You dream about me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the long wait life just got a little busy. Hope you like this chapter and as always feedback is welcomed and appreciated.


	14. Single again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long I got hurt and couldn't write, but I am on the mend and writing again even if it is a little slower than usual.

"What exactly do you mean when you say you dream about me", now both Christen and I were looking at Hope waiting for a reply.   

I could feel my heart rate increasing, and my palms were sweaty "Uhm, it's nothing weird, you're just somehow always there. When I have a nightmare suddenly you appear and it gets better, it's like you protect me somehow, it's been happening since the surgery". Sometimes I did end up kissing Kelley in my dreams but I wasn't going to tell her that, especially not with Christen here.   

"So what exactly are you trying to say?" "I.........I don't know.....you asked why I couldn't forget I just answered honestly" "Well Kelley has me so you can leave her alone", Chirsten glared at me and folded her arms over her chest.   

"Chris! She's one of my friends" "Kelley she's coming between us can't you see that" "No she's not, you're the one that's causing the problem, she didn't do anything". I just stood there watching them fight, I didn't know what to say or what to do. "I can't believe you're still defending her" "And I can't believe you keep attacking her, I've never seen you like this" "Can you blame me, she's been dreaming about you since the surgery, why do you think that is?" "She doesn't know"   

"Clearly her subconcious is trying to remind her" "Don't do this, not now" "Don't you think she deserves to know" "You're going to complicate everything" "Everything is already complicated!" "There is nothing I can do to change that" "You can stop hanging out with her" "I can't"   

Christen shakes her head "You can do so much for her, but you won't even meet my family or take me to meet yours" "What are you talking about?" "We've been dating for more than a year and I still haven't met your parents. And everytime I invite you to meet mine you always make some excuse, it's like you don't really want to" "I....I don't do that........do I?"   

"I feel like you're doing this on purpose, like you don't want to do these things with me, do you want to meet my parents....ever?" I wanted to say yes so badly, but I knew it was a lie and I wasn't a liar "No I don't think so, not in the way you want me to" "Then what are we doing here Kell, what do you want?" "I.... I...." I wanted to reasure her, but I knew since the kiss that she wasn't the one for me, I feel bad about it, and I've tried to get everything back to the way it was, but it wasn't working. "I don't know anymore"   

I could see the tears in her eyes, but her hands were clenched into fists and were shaking she was angry and I couldn't blame her "That's just great Kell, really perfect.......I'm just going to go back to the hotel, I can't handle this right now" she grabbed her things from her locker, stuffed it in her bag and headed for the door, just as she was about to head out she turned "O and Hope you should talk to Kelley about your kiss, clearly it means something"   

It felt like the wind was knocked right out of me, what is she talking about when did we kiss "What is she talking about?" "Nothing, it's nothing" "It's not nothing, did we kiss?" she cocked her head to the side when she answered "That depends on what you define as a kiss" "Kelley!" "Ok ok, we kind of did and didn't" "What does that even mean" "It happened after your surgery when you woke up the first time. You were still loopy and kinda kissed me, but  before I could even react you fell asleep again"   

"Oh" how can't I remember this, I kissed Kelley it's something I've been wanting to do for so long "That's it, oh?" "I....I don't know what to say right now" "What are we going to do?". I walk closer to her my eyes locked on hers "I have no idea" I know what I want to do and as I get closer Kelley licks her lips, my heart is racing and I want to kiss her, but something is stopping me.

She says "I don't know" as she keeps getting closer, my mouth suddenly feels extremely dry and I lick my lips, shit I shouldn't have done that. Just when I think she is going to kiss me she stops "We can't do this, not now" I feel relieved I don't know if I would have had the willpower to have stopped her if she had wanted to kiss me, all I do know is that this isn't the kiss I want to remember as our first kiss.   

"You're right we can't" she steps back leaving a big space between us, "You should get back to practice, I'm going to go back to the hotel". I totally forgot that I still had to go back to practice "Yeah right, I'll do that" I turn and head for the door, completely confused as to what I am going to do.   

When she turns I can she the confusion in her eyes, just before she gets to the door I find my voice "Kelley, I want this, I want you, you're the end game for me, but right now I don't think you are even sure if you have a girlfriend".   

The whole way back to the field I keep replaying what happened, I don't know if I still have a girlfriend, but worse is the feeling that I don't know if I want one. I have never in my entire life felt this much doubt about anything, I don't know what I feel and I have no idea what I should do, I just want to talk to someone and ask for advice. "Hey dude what happened you where gone for ages" "Huh, what?" "You ok Kell?" "Not really Tobs" "What's up?" "We'll talk later, I just want to get through this practice"     

"I don't know what to do Tobs, everything is so confusing" "I have no idea what's going on, you need to start from the beginning" after telling her everything that happened in the locker room she stared at me for a while "I'm confused, are you and Christen still together?" "I don't know, she just left, but I don't think so "Uhm, ok, do you want to date Hope?" "I.....don't know" "You really do have quite the conundrum there Kell" "Like I don't know that? I need advice here, what should I do?"   

"I think you should focus on Christen first, do you still want to be with her?" "I don't know" "It's an easy question Kell" "No it's not, I'm not sure what I'm feeling" "Do you see yourself with her, you know when you see your future, is she part of it" "I don't know" "Come on Kelley, you've been dating for a year, is she in your future or not?". I sigh "No I don't...... I don't think she ever was" "I believe we have your first problem solved, I think you should go talk to Christen" "Yeah..... I probably should"   

Standing outside the door I felt like such a coward, I couldn't even bring myself to knock, I felt like I was going to be sick, I took a deep breath and just as I was about to raise my hand the door opened "O hey buddy, what are you doing standing outside?" "Hey HAO, I was just about to knock, is uhm Christen here?" "Yeah, she's been in the shower since I got here" "Oh, I'll just go then" "Nah, stay I'm sure she's almost done, besides I'm heading out so you two can be alone" she wiggeled her eyebrows at me and smiled.   

I sat on one of the beds waiting for her to get out, pretty soon after Heather left the door opened, when she saw me she froze, I looked at her and gave a weak smile "Hey". She doesn't say anything she just looks at me, I see the anger in her eyes before she starts moving towards me "What do you want?" "I want to talk" "About what?". I knew she was angry, but this was more than I expected "About what happened earlier" "Why? I made my feelings pretty clear" "So that's it then, we aren't even friends anymore?"   

"You know psychologists say that when you can remain friends with an ex it either means that you still love them, or you never really did. Which one do you think you are? Cause I sure as hell know which one I am". I didn't think I could have felt worse then I did, but after she said that I felt ten times worse "How are we going to so this, we can't be on the same team and not be friends" "I don't know, all I know is that right now I don't want you here, I don't want you near me"

I got up from the bed and went to the door "I  really hope we can be friends, even if it's not right now" "I don't know if I'll be able to" "Ok" I left the room feeling like the worst person in the world, I really didn't think that this was the way it was going to end. I sat down on the floor with my head in my hands, this was somethig I had never felt before "Kelley? Are you ok?" I didn't have to look up to know who it was "I can't talk to you right now"   

When I saw her sitting there I wasn't sure if it was Kelley or someone who looked a lot like her "Kelley?" now I was close enough to see that it was her "Are you ok?" without looking at me she said "I can't talk to you right now". I could hear the sadness in her voice, I never wanted her to be this sad or upset, and maybe talking to me right now is not the best thing for her "Ok". I didn't really want to leave her alone so I went to look for Tobin, she will most likely talk to her.   

I knocked on her door, when Tobin opened the door she was only in shorts and a sports bra, which was strange because Tobin was kind of a shy person and I have never seen her like this, except in the locker room. What was even more strange was that Tobin didn't open the door completely she kind of stood in the open part and the rest of the room was obscured by the door. "Uhm what's up Hope?" "I need you to go talk to Kelley?" "Why what happened?" "I'm not sure but she doesn't want to talk to me, she's sitting in the hallway outside Christen's room" "Oh....ok, uhm I'm just going to get dressed really quick"   

I didn't wait for Tobin to get dressed I knew she would go to Kelley and there was nothing else I could do so I headed to my room, when I got there Carli was sitting on her bed, she looked at me for what felt like an eternity before she said "Want me to paint your nails?" this was our code for 'We are going to talk'. "Yeah sure" "What colour do you want?" "Any one is fine really"   

I don't really know why we always do each others nails when we are having serious conversations, I think it has to do with the fact that we can't look each other in the eyes, because I am either looking at the top of Carli's head or looking down at her nails.   

After telling Carli everything that happened in the locker room and seeing Kelley in the hallway she sat in silence for a while before asking "So what do you want to do now?" "I don't know what I should do, I hate it that she is sad, but I won't lie and say I'm not happy that she's single. And now I think she's mad at me as well, I don't know if I should go talk to her or leave her alone and let her come to me" "What does your gut say?" "That I should leave her alone" "You should trust your gut"   

Even though I hated not being there for Kelley I knew it was for the best right now I would do more harm then good, Tobin would just have to be enough for now.   

I don't know how long I had been sitting in the hallway before Tobin came to sit with me, I guess it's a little less weird if two people sit on the floor in the hallway of an hotel, after a while she bumped her knee against mine "Wanna go for a walk?" "No" "Wanna go get some ice cream?" "No" "How...about some....donuts?". I turned my head to look at her "What kind?" "Whatever you want"   

As I literally stuffed my face with donuts Tobin was just looking at me in her patient way, usually I don't have a problem with it but today it was annoying me "Could you stop looking at me like that" "Like what?" "The 'I'm waiting for you to talk' look" "I have no idea what you're talking about" "I don't wanma talk about it right now, I want to sulk, eat junk food and walk around in sweats" "And how does that differ from what you usually do, except for the sulking part" "Shut up"

On the walk back to our hotel we stopped at a park "Am I a bad person Tobs?" "You're one of the best people I know" I knew she would eventually talk Kelley can never keep anything to herself. "Then why do I feel like a bad person?" "Because you think you did something bad" "And I didn't?" "No, people break up for different reasons, doesn't make them bad"   

"What was I doing?" "What do you mean?" "Why was I dating her when I never really saw a future with her, not the way you're supposed to anyway" "Do you know what I think, I think dating someone was an experience that you needed to have. I mean how will you know you are really in love, or happy if you don't even know what it's supposed to feel like?" "So I hurt Christen because it was an experience I needed to have" "It's an experience you both needed to have, both of you learned things about yourselves, about what it means to be in a relationship. It's never easy to lose someone, but that doesn't mean it was a mistake, you won't be the person you are today without your experiences, good and bad."   

"Am I crazy for breaking up with someone when I only have chemistry with someone else, what if that's all it is" "Chemistry is important" I frowned at her "Chemistry doesn't last long, of that is all this is" "If it's just chemsitry, you'll know....for future reference" "I dated someone for a year, while I was in love with someone else" "I thought it was just chemsitry". I just shook my head "You already know it's not chemsitry, you're just scared" "I am, it sucks to get your heart broken" "What are you going to do now?" "I don't know, but honestly I don't think I want to do anything" "Why not?" "I just want to put my heart back together again, it's a little broken" "You'll survive"   

The next day I was up early as usual, I went to get some coffee and decided that I would get some for Tobin too, as a way to say thank you for helping Kelley yesterday, and also to find out if she was alright.   

I couldn't sleep so I went to get some coffee, after waiting in line for a while I decided I would get Tobin some coffee too, as a way to say thank you for her listening to me yesterday. On my way up I realised I didn't even know who Tobin's roommate was, well I hope they don't mind waking up early. I knocked loudly on the door, after listening for a while and hearing nothing I knocked again and called out to Tobin.   

I heard some mumbling followed by footsteps before a half naked and very sleepy looking Tobin opened rhe door "Whoa Tobs, cover yourself up" "Kell? What the hell are you doing here so early?" I hold up the cups of coffee, "I brought you some coffee" before she could even move I squeezed past her and into the room "Kell wait!" I almost dropped the coffee "What the hell?"   

"Kell, it's not what you think" "Then what the hell is it?" "It's hard to explain" "Try starting with why both you and Alex are half naked, and sleeping in one bed?" "Uhm...." I turned to face Alex "And you!" I said while pointing a finger at her "What are you doing, don't you have a boyfriend?" "I....don't" "And when did this happen? The day before camp?" "No, he was never a my boyfriend!". Just as I am about to retort there is a knock on the door "Who is that?" both Tobin and Alex shrug their shoulders, there is another knock "Go answer it"   

I knocked on the door hoping that Tobin was awake, I could hear people talking on the other side so I knocked again, at least she's awake. Tobin opened the door looking a little frazzled "Hope?" "Hey, is everything ok?" "Uhm, can you come back later?" "Yeah, sure.....uhm here I bought you some coffee". Suddenly I hear Kelley yelling "Who is it?" "It's Hope", her head suddenly appears behind Tobin "Hey, what are you doing here?" "I just came to give Tobin some coffee" she frowns "To thank her for yesterday". Tobin looks down at the coffee "Why are there three cups?"

  "O, I brought one for Alex too, just in case she was awake" "You knew Alex was her roommate?" "Yeah, ok, both of you are acting weird what's going on". Just then Alex also appeared "Can we have this discussion inside the room?"   

"Ok so what's going on?""Nothing" "Tobin and Alex have a thing" Kelley and Tobin said at the same time, I stared at them for a bit "Was it supposed to be a secret?" Kelley frowned, Alex and Tobin looked at me in surprise before asking at the same time "You knew?" "I thought everyone knew, you guys aren't good at hiding  your feelings" "Yes we are, Kelley didn't even know" they said in unison again. "Ok stop with the talking at the same time thing, and the only reason Kelley didn't know is because she was distracted"   

Alex smiled and asked "So what's going on with you two?" Kelley quickly answered with "Nothing" which made my heart drop a little before she added "Yet" I smiled at her and she returned it albeit a little shyly. Kelley turned back to Alex "Nice change of subject Alex, but I still have questions. Like why didn't you tell me? When did this start and how long as it been going on?"   

All three of them turned to me and I knew this wasn't for my ears "Right, best friend talk, I'll leave you guys to it" Alex walked with me to the door and I realised I still had the coffee in my hands "Here" I handed it to Alex "I bought it for you guys anyways you might as well enjoy it" "Thanks"   

At breakfast I was sitting with Carli and some of the older girls, when Christen walked in, she looked a little lost and unsure of where to go, I waved at her to come sit with us, she hesitated a bit before walking over. Carli looked at me and I knew she was thinking 'What the hell are you doing'. She sat down and greeted everyone not even looking at me she started eating. Everyone turned when we heard a bunch of laughter coming from the door, Alex, Kelley and Tobin were all laughing so hard even a few of the other girls were laughing too, it was that infectious.   

When I turn back to my plate I notice Christen looking at me, she quickly looks away again and focusses on her plate again, soon the normal chatter continues and I feel a pair of eyes on me, when I look around Kelley is looking at me, confusion written all over her face, I nod and smile, she still looks at me confused before cotinuing her conversation.   

Slowly the room was emptying out and even though Christen had finished eating she remained in her seat, I ate slower than usual, mostly because I wanted to talk to Christen alone, Carli was the last to leave. "Thanks for this" "I couldn't just leave you standing there" "I would have thought you would be sitting with Kelley today" "She needs some space, and her friends." "I wish I had some friends right now" "You have about twenty girls to pick from, what's stopping you?" "I don't know anyone here" "That's why we make friends, although you probably shouldn't hang out with me, if you haven't noticed I don't have a lot of friends"   

"I was wrong about you" "What do you mean" "I couldn't understand what Kelley saw in you, you look mean and you're not very friendly, but I get it now" "Get what?" "Why you can't leave each other alone, it's probably why I was such a bitch yesterday, I could see it and I knew I had no chance, you already love her more than I ever can, and she loves you too. But let me tell you she can be really hardheaded sometimes" "I'm sorry you got hurt" "Didn't we all" "I suppose we did"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter isn't the best but it will get better, just need to get back in the groove of things. And as always feedback is welcomed and much appreciated.


	15. Another camp rolls around

It's been three weeks since the last camp and only two more weeks till the next one, I have been training everyday trying to get back into shape. The last camp showed me I still had a lot to improve on and I wanted to be better by the time the next camp rolled around, this was the first time in a long time I was anxious to go to camp. I was anxious about my performance and about seeing Kelley again.   

A big part of my anxiety stems from the fact that I need to find a team to play for, I needed to improve if I wanted to go to the world cup, going was my main objective, getting to spend time with Kelley was a bonus. The roster wasn't out yet, but she had improved immensely at Stanford and with Sky Blue and Tom would be crazy not to take her, but I wasn't a done deal yet.   

Finding a team to play for wasn'y a problem as soon as they found out I was back to play in the States, I had gotten calls for three teams in one day, the one I was expecting but I hadn't gotten was from Seattle. For now I was practicing with Carli and staying with her till I made a decision, and sometime she even came with me to help me practice.   

One day after practice just when we got home the doorbell rang "That's probably for you, nobody knows I'm here" "Yeah, I'll go get it.". So I went to the kitchen to get a snack when Carli yelled "It's for you!" "Who is it!" as far as I knew nobody knew where I was "Dunno, he says he knows you!". My heart started racing I immediately though it was something bad and I rushed to the door, the man standing at the door didn't look threatening at all, he also looked familiar.   

"Hope! It's so good to see you again, you look great" he even sounds familiar, but I can't place him, "I'm sorry, have we met before? You look familiar" "I don't blame you for not recognising me, it's been years and last time you saw me I still looked like I was living on the street" "O my god Charlie! No way you look fantastic! What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?..... Shit, it's good to see you, I still can't believe it"   

He laughs "One question at a time, I came here to see you about playing for the Reign, I assumed you would be with Carli so it was a gamble really. It's good to see you too, do you think we could talk?" "Uhm yeah sure, come on in" Carli and I led him to the living room, but I was apprehensive about what he was going to say "It really is good to see you, how's the shoulder doing?" "It's getting there, still uncomfortable but not too bad" "That's good, so are you staying in the US?" "Yeah, thinking about staying home, I've had enough of Europe" "Have you decided on a team yet? I'm sure you've gotten some offers by now"   

"I haven't decided yet no, but yeah of gotten some offers" "Well I would love it if you came back to the Reign" "I don't know if I can handle Seattle right now" "I get it, I do, but it's not the same team or place as before, things have changed, and I'll protect you. I own the Reign now, our players live in a nice neighbourhood with security, the league has more money now then when you last played in it. And you have the added bonus of knowing the boss." "How the hell are you the owner of the Reign now?"   

"I owe it all to you, you got me the job there, I worked my way up, I got a better job at another firm, I made alot of money in the stock market and worked hard. The Reign got into some finacial trouble and I bailed them out, now it's one of the best run teams in the league and it's all thanks to you" "I can't believe it, that's amazing, but it's all you, I just got you started."   

"You can have anything you want, our facilities are top notch, we have some of the best trainers and coaches, and the team is doing great" "I don't know Charlie, what if he is still there". He takes my hand "As far as I know he hasn't been there since you were, he was last seen in Portland about three months ago" "You've been keeping a look out for him?" "Well yeah, he threatened me too, the police can't seem to catch him, but at least he isn't close by" "Can I think about it?" "Of course" he handed me a big envelope, and a card "Some more information, you know, you're salary and where you would be living, my number is also on the card, call me anytime"   

"Yeah sure, it's good to see you again Charlie, I'm so happy for you" he smiles at me "Call me even if you decide on another team, I'd like to catch up, I owe you a lot and I would like to keep in touch" "That would be great" he patted me on the shoulder "I'm glad you're back kid" I smile "There is the Charlie I remember"   

After Charlie left Carli was waiting for me "Are you going back?" "I don't know, I have to think about it" "What do you have to think about, if I wasn't playing for the Flash I would be packing my bags" "It's not that simple, that place has very bad memories for me, but I won't lie and say that I don't want to go back". "It's not like you have to go back to those places" "I know, I just don't know what it will feel like to be back there....I'm going to go to bed, read this stuff and think about it, I'll see you tomorrow" "Ok, goodnight" "Night"   

I was in bed reading the envelope Charlie had left, I was amazed at how much they offered, not only was the salary really good, but the extra benefit of housing was just great, last time we had to live with random strangers. While I was reading my phone rang, without looking who it was I answered "Hello" "Hey" when I heard her voice I immediately sat up straighter "Kelley, hey......what's up". Could I be any more awkward, "I was just bored, thougt I'd call, are you busy I can find something else to do?" "No no, I'm not busy at all, but didn't you have a match today?"   

"Yeah, it was kind of horrible" "Why? What happened?" "We lost, and it wasn't even close, Christen and I can't seem to connect on the field, and I feel like everyone is blaming me for it. I tried talking to her but it's just not working, I don't know what to do" "Hey I'm sure no one blames you, and you know by now that there usually is a loser in every match" "Yeah, but not 4-0, and not to a team we have beat consistently for a while now". She was right, that was a bad loss, especially when you expect to win.   

"Do you think your troubles on the field are because you and Christen broke up?" "Yes! It started after that" "Ok, and what have you guys done to try and fix it?" "We've talked it out, and she isn't mad at me, but the chemistry on the field is off" "So you only talked to her" "Well yeah, who else would I talk to about it"  "I think you guys should do something as a team, I mean you guys breaking up affected everyone on the team, the chemistry of the whole team is probably off, but it just feels like it's yours"   

"What makes you say that?" "Because you play a team sport and things off the field can have an impact on things on the field, everyone is used to the old dynamic that doesn't exist anymore. You should go out bowling or something that all of you can do together, to get some chemistry back again. In fact I think tonight is a perfect night to start" 

"We just lost badly I don't think anyone is in the mood to do anything" "And that's exactly why you should do it, help cheer each other up" "How?" "What did you guys always do after a match?" "I dunno, we watched movies, or went out and explored the town" "Pick one and go get everyone together as a team and just do it" "Ok, I suppose it can't hurt" "Great, now go enjoy the rest of the night with your team" "Thanks Hope, have a good night" "Well I talked to you so it already is one, goodnight Kelley" she laughed "Goodnight"   

After talking to Hope I knew she was right so I went to Christie first and told her my plan before getting the whole team together, telling them we were watching a movie together, at first most of them weren't in the mood, while others didn't seem to mind either way. 

But Christie made sure that everyone knew there wasn't an option everyone was going to watch the movie, I went with a team favourite She's the man, after getting popcorn and drinks and having everyone in a position to be able to see the  screen we started watching, by the end of the movie everyone was enjoying themselves, laughing, talking, some chasing others around, that's when I knew we had our mojo back. After getting into some trouble for being too noisy we went to bed late, or you could say early in the morning no one caring that we had a flight in a couple of hours.

We all were bleary eyed the next morning, but still on good spirits, somehow we found our passion again, it felt like old times, joking around, laughing smiling, this was what was missing. Almost everyone passed out as soon as we got on the plane, me included, when I woke up again we were home, heading for an afternoon practice, amd finally we were playing like I knew we could, this was the team I knew. After practice we had a little dodgeball match, which I definitely didn't win.   

When we finally went home I was exhuasted but happy, I grabbed my phone and sent a text to Hope thanking her for her idea and telling her how well it had worked, I got a reply back and I couldn't help but smile, I was so focused on my phone I didn't even realise that Jill had come into the room "Whose got you smiling like that" "What? No one" she raised her eyebrow "Whatever you say"   

The next morning while eating some breakfast I kept  playing with Charlie's card, I couldn't sleep last night  everything kept replaying in my head, I knew my mind was made up, but I wasn't sure if it was the right decision. I grabbed my phone and called Charlie arranging to meet him at a coffee shop close by, after taking a shower and getting dressed I got the envelope from my room, I grabbed all my necessities and I headed out the door.   

I didn't even wait five minutes before Charlie showed up "Hey" "Hey, you want some coffee?" "Only if you're buying" he smiles "What do you want?" "Americano black no sugar or cream" he shakes his head "Are you trying to poison yourself?" "No, it just tastes better black" after getting our order he sits down "I could get used to this" "Does that mean you'll be coming back to Seattle?". I take a sip of my coffee and smile at him "Yes, but only if I get the best place and a nice car" he frowns "I don't know of we can do that?"   

"Then I don't know if I can come play for you" he shakes his head "I know the league is better now then it was before, but it's not possible to do what you are asking. Don't you just want to play?" "My injury made something clear to me, I have to make as much money as possible because this is not going to last forever". He takes a sip of his coffee "I didn't expect this, I really don't think I can help you, everyone has to be treated equally"   

I laugh at him "Geez Charlie for a businessman you are really gullable, I'll play for the Reign just because you asked" "Shit Hope you really had me going there" then he smiles at me "Glad to have you back" "Glad to be back". We talled for a bit longer, sorting out some small details about my contract and when I would move back, even though I had some trepidation, this morning right now I am happy and excited about going back and playing again, when I leave I cannot wait to get out on the field.   

After a day full of practice and working out I am starving when I head to Carli's apartment, just as I stop I get a text, when I see it's from Kelley I already start to smile, I grab my bag from the back and start walking up the stairs while reading the text. I get even happier when I find out she took my advice and it seemed to have worked, I send back 'Glad to hear Sky Blue is back on track, now they won't have an excuse when the Reign beats them'   

After making a snack I get another text 'I see your loyalty still lies with your home town, too bad :)' no one knew that I was headig back so why would she 'My loyalty lies with my team, I can't bet against myself' 

Jill was still looking at me while I sent the text "What?" "Nothing, I'm going to go to my room now, enjoy your little chat" "I will". When I read the text I almost squealed I couldn't believe she had found a team already, I was glad to know that now I would not only see her at camp, but maybe beforehand for a scrimmage, we were in pre-season after all. 'I can't believe you have a team already, but I'll have to show you why we are one of the best teams'   

I can't help but smile when I read her text and I reply 'One of the best teams, but not the best' I waited for what felt like a second before there was a reply 'Ooooh those are fighting words, seems you have forgotten how deadly my shot can be'. She was right her shot could be pretty deadly and her shot has improved, but I had improved as well 'Your shot is good, but my hands are better'   

When I read her last text I can admit that my mind wandered a little bit, but it didn't stop my retort 'Next time we meet on the field, you will be kissing my boot'. If I had thought about it longer I probably could have come up with something sassier, but I was tired and hungry, I didn't really want to think too hard.   

I snorted when I read her text, as if I would ever kiss her boot 'You wish O'Hara' I walked with my phone to the kitchen and made a sandwich, I was starving and I needed a shower. Even though I was enjoying talking to Kelley I was going to have to cut it short, I needed to start packing as well, I didn't have alot of stuff with me, but it still needed to be packed up. I laughed when I read her reply 'My boot can't wait to feel your lips, it's so excited it's blushing' she added a picture of her boots they were black and red.   

'As much as I would love to continue this lovely conversation I have to take a shower and go pack :(, talk to you soon have a good night' I was a little sad that she wanted to stop chatting, especially since I think I was winning our little back and forth, but I totally understood the packing thing. 'Aaaaww did I scare you away? Just kidding ;), have a good night talk to you soon'  

                               xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  

I was nervous about going into camp, not about my game but about seeing Hope, we had been talking more and more, and every time I felt happy afterwards. I was so lost in thought I didn't realise the person in front of me had stopped walking and I walked right into them, it felt like I hit a wall before I fell backwards. When I looked up I couldn't believe who I walked into, "Shit Kell are you alright", I probably looked like a crazy person lauging so hard while sitting on the floor, she rubbed the back of her neck while looking at me sceptically "I guess that's a yes"   

"I'm sorry" I took a breath "Yeah I'm fine" I was still giggeling when she pulled me up "We really need to stop meeting like this", she blushed "Sorry" I waved her off "Totally my fault, I look past her, why did you stop?" her eyes widend a little "Uh it's nothing". When I looked in the reception area most of the team was already there, I look back at her and smile before saying "Is someome a little scared?"   

"What? No, not at all, what makes you say that?" "Well why did you stop then?" she knew I was lying and she knew she had me "I was just.....preparing myself" "For what? War?" "No, I'm nervous....and I thought you were here already". Shit did I just say that out loud, "So you were looking for me?" "No!.... Maybe" "Well you found me, you ready to go?" "I'm always ready" "Of course you are"   

"Dude! Roomies for life!" Tobin yelled when we found out we were rooming together for the next two weeks "Hells yeah dude, race ya" and I was off heading for our room, it was important to be first cause then I can pick the bed and get first shower priviledges every day. When you're rooming with Tobin that's important, she takes really long showers.

  Only when I reach the room do I realise the mistake I made, I forgot the key downstairs, I turn and head for the stairs  when Tobin gets out of the elevator, she smirks at me "Forget something Kell?" and she waves her card at me. "Come on Tobs I was here first, just because I couldn't get into the room doesn't mean you won" she scratches her chin, "If I remember correctly the deal has always been you get the bed you put your bag on". Tobin starts walking slowly to our door and I accept defeat.   

I can see Kelley is trying to convince Tobin that she won the race, but Tobin is having none of it, when Kelley turns and sees me she smiles, I smile back and throw her, her keys. She looks at the keycard a little perplexed before a huge grin spreads over her face and she scrambles to reach the room before Tobin does. She pushes past Tobin, who has no idea that Kelley has a key, and she jumps in delight when she opens the door smiling at Tobin, before she says "I win!" loud enough for even me to hear it, I smile and shake my head while walking to my room.   

I felt a little bad since I did kind of cheat to win "Since I am such a good roommate..." "You mean since you cheated",she said as she folded her arms in front of her, "As I was saying, since I am such a good roommate and friend I will let you choose your bed". I thought Tobin was going to pick the bed furthest away from the door, she has always had this irrational fear of being the closest person to the door, so I was really surprised when she picked the one closest to the door. I tilted my head to the side and frowned.   

"What?" "You picked the one closest to the door?" I sat down on my bed still looking at her, "Yeah.......So?" she said noncalantly "You never pick the bed closest to the door" she shruged "Geuss I'm in the mood for a change". Alex popped her head into the door that Tobin stangely enough didn't close, she beamed at Tobin before saying "Team meeting in 20 minutes, spread the news" and she was gone.   

I couldn't contain my laughter when I realised why Tobin chose that bed "What's so funny?" "O my god are you planning on sneaking out with a certain Alex Morgan." I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively "What! No" "Your reddening cheeks tell a different story Toby" I said in a singsong voice, I jumped from my bed to hers "So what's the plan, sock on the door?". She shoved me ligtly "Come on Kell be serious" "I am, I reeeaaaallly don't want to walk in on anything" she punched me hard in the arm "Ow, what was that for" I rubbed my shoulder.   

"That was for having inappropriate thoughts about me and Alex" "No I wasn't" "You were thinking about me, Alex and.....that, close enough for me" "Shit Tobs that really hurt" "Good, now stop being a baby and get ready for the team meeting" "Fine"   

When Carli and I walked out of our room we nearly walked into Tobin and Kelley, "Yo, team meeting in like 10 minutes" "Yeah we heard heading there now" "Cool, we can take the elevator together" "Sure". As we were walking I could see Kelley rubbing her shoulder the whole time "Something wrong with your shoulder?" I asked, she glared at Tobin "I don't know, is there something wring with my shoulder Tobs" she shrugged her shoulder "Nah, you're good" "Jerk". Tobin didn't seem too fazed by this, and obviously we missed something.   

In the elevator Carli stood next to Tobin and I stood next to Kelley, but the atmosphere was so awkward, I wanted to say something, but nothing came to mind. To make things worse Tobin and Carli kept giving each other sideway glances, it made me feel like everyone was waiting for me to say something and the pressure was stifling. For the first time I caved under the pressure and I just stood there silently.

After the meeting I flop down on my bed, I hear the door open but I don't move "What the hell was that" "What?" "In the elevator". I decided to go with ignorance "I have no idea what you're talking about" "Don't play dumb, the weird sexual vibe in the elevator" "Whao, what the hell are you talking about, yes there was a weird vibe, but it was not sexual" "You could have fooled me, I felt like I was suffocating in there"   

Tobin kept looking at me weirdly until I finally broke "What? Do I have something on my face?" "What's up with you and Hope" I wasn't expecting that "Nothing, why?" "I nearly suffocated in the elevator because of your......vibe" "Yeah, I have no idea what that was" "So have you guys done anything yet or are you still just texting" "Just texting, I'm kind of hoping something happens at camp" "So if I see a sock on the door I'll know what it means".   

This time it's my turn to hit her "Ow, that hurts" "I'm just asking for a date, or something resembling a date, not that" "My arm is numb" "Come on I didn't hit you that hard" "It's turning blue already" "Stop lying, my shoulder is turning blue not yours" "I really can't feel my arm, how am I supposed to hold things with my hand. Look at this" she swings her arm around aimlessly.   

I laugh at her "Tell Alex I'm sorry" "You should aplogise to me....wait why would this affect Alex?" "You know for your little rendevouz tonight" and I wiggle my eyebrows "How many times do I have to tell you I'm not sneaking out". I pull out my phone and show her a text "I think you meant to send this to Alex" her whole face goes red when she reads it.   

I was walking around, looking for a good coffee shop to get my fix early tomorrow I had my headphones on, in my own world pretty much, when suddenly they were pulled off my head. I turn around quickly anger written on my face and a look to kill with it, my face softens when I see who it is "What the hell Tobin?" "When are you going to ask out Kelley?" "What?" "You know, when is the date happening"   

I am extremely confused by this conversation "I don't know, do you?" "Why would I know?" "Because you're asking me this out of the blue" "Well I was in the elevator with you two" "What does that mean?" "Kelley was practically begging you to ask her out" "I doubt that" "Just ask her out already"   

I walk to my room in a daze, completely forgetting about the coffee shop, what the hell just happened "Do you think I should ask Kelley out?" "Where did this come from?" "Tobin said I should" "Well why haven't you?" "Because she just broke up with her girlfriend, I don't know if she wants me to" "If Tobin is telling you to, she wants you to. Tobin can't keep anything to herself". I think about her relationship with Alex, the one which almost no one knows about, "You would be surprised"   

I was tossing and turning the whole time, Tobin and Carli's words kept replaying in my mind, I texted Tobin in the hopes that she would be awake 'Is Kelley asleep?' almost immediately I got a reply 'Dunno' 'She's your roommate how don't you know?' 'I'm not in my room, I can give you the key' 'I don't even want to know,just forget it'.   

I get up and get dressed before leaving the room quietly, the hallways are quiet but I guess that's normal for midnight. I walk to Kelley's room and knock, what the hell am I doing, when I hear footsteps on the other side I start to panic, shit shit shit shit, and then the door is open and I'm looking at a sleepy Kelley.   

"Hope? What are you doing here?" "I, uhm, do you want to go for a walk?" "Now?" she rubs her eyes and my heart melts, she looks so cute "I uhm" I rub the back of my neck "Just forget it, go back to sleep". My heart is racing a mile a minute, and I feel like I'm going to faint, that couldn't have gone any worse, I turn to head back to my room when she grabs my arm "I'd love to"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the next chapter hope you guys liked it, and as always feedback is welcomed and appreciated.


	16. Hope POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is completely in Hope's POV.

"Uhm I'm just going to go get dressed real quick" "Yeah sure, I forgot my phone, I'll be back in.....15 minutes, that enough time?" "Yeah yeah, more than enough"   

All I can think about as I walk to my room is what the hell am I going to do now, where am I going to take her. What the hell were you thinking Solo. When I get to my room I slump down on my bed, I am so screwed, I groan loudly, loud enough for Carli to wake up. "What? Why are you awake?" she  moans groggily "I asked Kelley out" "Good for you, now go to bed" she turns to go back to sleep, "I can't we're going out right now"   

Her head shoots up so fast I'm surprised she didn't get whiplash, she struggles out of bed and moves over to me "Are you serious?" "Yes" she whacks me on the back of my head "What the fuck are you thinking? Where the hell are you going to go right now, it's after midnight, the first date is supposed to be memorable" I rub the back of my head "Shit Carli, that hurt, and I fucking now that I have no idea what the hell I was doing it was like I had no control over my body"   

"What are you going to do, it's Florida, there are basically only beaches" "I'll take her to the beach then" "Grab a blanket and some snacks, I have a flashlight, you can try and have a picnic on the beach" "It's the best I can do right now". She shoves me "Get moving or she's going to think you've changed your mind" "I'm going I'm going"   

I rush to get everything I need, I run back to her room stopping short just before I turn the corner, I take a deep breath and I walk to her door, I knock again, my heart is beating wildly in my chest I'm not sure if it's because of the running or Kelley. When she opens the door she's wearing a black nike t-shirt with some dark blue jeans, her hair framing her face beautifully, her eyes sparkling. I am blown away by how perfect she looks in such a short time, in such less than extraordinary clothes.   

"Wow, you look great" a blush tinges her cheeks "Thanks....so do you" "I thought we would head to the beach, maybe have a little picnic......if you want" I'm so scared she would laugh at the idea, it's so unoriginal. "Yeah, that sounds great" I give her some space to get out of her room and she closes the door, we walk in silence to the elevator, the only sound I can hear is the rapid beating of my heart. I started feeling that same pressure to say something, and again I was let down what's wrong with me, it's Kelley you can talk to her.   

When we get outside she asks "Which way?" and I realise I have no idea which way to go to get to the nearest beach "O right I forgot to ask, do you mind waiting here while I go ask the receptionist?" I can feel my cheeks burning up this is so embarrasing. She laughs and nods her head "Sure go ahead". I walk quickly and with purpose to the reception area, the guy behing the counter looks at me wearily, as soon as I reach him I glance down at his name tag "Hey Jonathan, could you give me directions to the nearest beach". His face lighs up, and when he starts talking it's obvious he's a surfer "Do you want to go to the nearest beach or do you want to go to THE BEACH!"  

I must have some guardian angel looking out for me, what are the chances, "Definitely THE BEACH", after talking some more with Jonathan I knew Kelley was going to love it, luckily it wasn't that far away so we could still walk, after thanking Jonathan I head back out. "You ready?" "Yeah". We walk in silence for a while when she asks "What's in the bag?" "O, just some snacks I 'stole' fron the snack box and a blanket to sit on" "So it's safe to assume a picnic?"   

I smile at her "Something like that yeah", I have never heard of night surfing before but I'm sure it would be something memorable. "Is it bad that I'm hungry already?" she blushes "I actually ate a snack while I was packing, do you want something right now?" "No, I'm sure we aren't too far away from the beach" "Who says we're going to the beach?" she quirks an eyebrow at me "Where are we going then?" I tried to think of somewhere else we could be going, but I came up with nothing. "Ok so maybe we are going to the beach" she smiles at me "I knew it"   

When we get close to one of the other beaches, Kelley got ready to turn when I grabbed her hand and say "Not this one" she furrows her brows "Why not?" "The one we are going to has a nice view, or so I was told" "It's the middle.of the night, we won't be able to see anything" "Just trust me and come on", I keep on walking with her hand in mine, I don't try to let go and when she doesn't either, I can feel the smile creeping onto my face.   

As we keep walking there are suddenly people, and I know we are at the right place, I start to get a little nervous what if she doesn't like it, suddenly she asks "What are all these people doing here?" "I have no idea", I don't want to tell her just yet, I kind of want to see her face, I can feel her start to walk slower so I tug on her hand and say "It's this way" Pretty soon I can hear the thumping of music in the distance"Is that music I hear?".   

I shake my head yes "Yeah, sounds like it", I keep walking, but I feel that Kelley has stopped walking, when I turn to look at her she has a strange look on her face, amd it worries me "What's wrong?" "Where are we going?". I shrug my shoulders "The beach" "Ok, but what's going on why are there so many people?". When I think about what lies ahead I smile and say "Trust me, I think you'll really enjoy it" "Ok".   

We find a space that isn't too crowded, bit we can still see the ocean, some people are dancing to the music, and there are lights lighting up a big part of the beach, "Ok, can you please tell me what's going on now" "If you wait for about 10 minites you'll find out" she pouts at me "Come on". I smile before rummaging in the bag, I grab a granola bar and throw it at her "Here, eat that it will keep you distracted", she catches it and smiles at me before opening it "Thanks, I'm starving"   

I look out at the beach and the people as Kelley eats her granola bar, I don't want to blatantly stare at her, but then I hear her inhale deeply and I can't keep myself from looking. A small smile appears on her face and she looks completely relaxed, as she leans back on her hands I can see her fingers flexing in the sand I can't help but wonder what she's thinking. A light breeze blows swirling her hair out of her face, her smile widens and she closes her eyes briefly I am about to ask what she's thinking when a voice comes over the loudspeaker.   

"Ladies and gentleman, dudes and.......dudettes, welcome to the fifth annual night surfing contest. Get some food, something to drink, rock out to the music, and enjoy the show"

"No way, are you kidding me? Night surfing? I've always wanted to see this, this is going to be awesome". I'm really happy when  I hear her say this, I was hoping she would like it, but I couldn't be sure, before I know it she is lunging at me and I fall backwards with her on top of me. My heart starts racing and I don't know what to say or do right now. "Thank you for bringing me here, this is awesome". I can't contain the little chuckle that escapes me, she reminds me of a little kid "I'm glad you like it", when she pulls back I can immediately feel the cold breeze and I miss her heat.   

My arms are still around her waist and I can see her looking at me, again I can't help but wonder what she is thinking. When she pushes off me I wish I had the strenght to keep her close to me. "Sorry, I'm just really excited",she says as she gets off me, I clear my  throat "I would have been dissappointed if you weren't this excited". And it's the truth, I just didn't realise it until I said it.   

"Hey you want something to drink?" "Sure, what do you have" "Let's see", I open the bag and rummage around a little, I couldn't remember what drinks I  put in there. "Well it looks like we have water.....aaaaannnnnnnd water" I hold up the two bottles, "So which one?". She puts her finger to her lips "Mmmmmmm, I don't know, they both look equally good, which one do you recommend?"   

I hold up my right hand "Well since you like water I would suggest this one" she smirks at me "Smartass" "Always". She turns her head and looks behind her, when I follow her line of sight I see a food truck "You want something to eat?" "I am starving, and those taco's smell delicious" "How do you know they sell taco's? I don't see any food from here?"   

"I can smell it, can't you smell it?" "I can smell something good, but that's about it" "I bet you a taco that they have taco's" I like bets I hardly ever lose, I smile at her "And what do I get if you're wrong". She takes a while to answer before she says "If I'm wrong then I will pay for your coffee this entire week", now this is my kind of deal, "You are on". I jump "Well let's get going then", she gets up slowly "Let's go", before she smiles at me   

When we get close a guy walks by with two taco's, shit I can't believe she was right, now I'm going to have to pay for my own coffee, and the taco's "How about you surprise me with something, while I go keep our spot" "Yeah sure ok, uhm do you have any preferance?" "Surprise me" I nod my head,  I have no idea what to get her, she eats pretty much everything right?, before I even realise it she's already halfway back.   

I look at the menu, and at first I want to get regular taco's for us, but my gut tells me I should go for the fish taco's. After ordering the food and paying I turn to head back, I soon realise that Kelley is surrounded by a group of guys what the hell is this now, I quicken my stride and when I get closer I can hear Kelley yell "The beach is big enough for you and your group to go party over there, this here" she points to the blanket "This space is already taken"   

"Hey hey, what's going on here" I try to keep the peace I can see Kelley is upset, when the guy looks me up and down I feel my skin crawl what an asshole. "Hey you're a hottie, want a drink?" he grabs one of his friends drinks out of his hands and holds it out to me, Kelley's demeanor changes completely, it looks like she is ready to punch the guy, so I hand her the taco's before she does anything.   

I look down at the drink and then back at him, I cock my head to the left and I just keep looking at him, I can see he starts to get uncomfortable and he withdraws his hand with the drink, "What you don't like beer" I narrow my eyes at him, but I don't say a word, "What? Cat got your tongue?" I keep quiet and just keep glaring.   

"What the hell is your problem bitch?" he shoves my shoulder and I feel pain radiate from it, from the corner of my eye I see Kelley trying to move forward, but I cut her off, "O I'm sorry, did that hurt" he tries to push me back again, but this time I grab his hand. I squeeze slightly "I hope you are done because it's about time you leave" I say sweetly   

He tries pulling his hand back, but I grip tighter glaring at him, I can see he is about to say somerhing else so I squeeze tighter, I'm sure by now it's starting to hurt "How about you and your friends move over there and leave our spot alone" I squeeze even harder and he yelps. I keep my eyes locked on his and I tighten my grip once more he hisses before nodding his head. I squeeze briefly before letting go, he grabs his hand, pulling it into his body to protect it.   

When I turn around I see Kelley's shirt is wet "Kelley your shirt is wet, and it smells like beer, did one of those guys throw beer on you?" I'm ready to go give them a piece of my mind when Kelley grabs my arm "No, one of them accidentally spilled some beer on me". I don't want her to be cold so I take of me jacket and hand it to her "Here, it will help against the cold". She smiles at me when she takes it "Thanks" she holds out the plate with taco's"Want a taco?" she has this cute look on her face "How can I say no to that?"   

We sit down next to each other looking out at the sea there are a few surfers out there already, the taco smells really good and my mouth starts to water, I take a bite and am surprised by how good it is. I hear Kelley next to me, "Mmmmmm this is delicious, I want another one". I shake my head "You haven't even finished that one" "Doesn't matter it's too good to only have one", when I take another bite I realise she is right"Ok, maybe you have a point" she just smiles at me.

After getting us some more taco's we settle in and watch the show, I didn't find it nearly as interesting as Kelley did, but the lights on the surfboard and surfers still made for a good show. I enjoyed watching Kelley's reaction more than the surfing, she would point things out to me and try to explain, she shudders when some of them wipes out saying "Ooo that had to hurt". I'm not really sure how it happened but somehow we get closer and closer, soon her head is on my shoulder while we watch, and it feels so nice I can't help but sigh before saying "This is nice"   

I am so tired, the surfing has gotten boring, it's been going in for hours, it's really early in the morning, and the warmth emanating from Kelley makes me feel like snuggling under a blanket. My eyes start drooping when it seems like its finally over "This was so much fun, I've always wanted to see this" "Yeah it was fun, we should do it again" she shoves me and smiles "Yeah right you were practically falling asleep" "No I wasn't.... I was just blinking........slowly",I try to defend, but I can see its not working so I shrug my shoulders "Ok fine surfing is not for me, next time we'll go to a basketball game". I know the only reason she goes to basketball games is to talk and eat "You seem pretty sure there will be a second date" I can hear the humour in her voice.   

So I ask "What makes you think this was a our first one?" "Well you asked me out at night, you bought me food, and gave me water, sounds like a date to me" "Ok I did ask you to come with me, but technically it's early morning not night, yes I did buy you food, but I lost the bet so I had to, and you can get water from a tap doesn't mean anything". I tried saying this in a joking manner but I guess it didn't work out too well Kelley's shoulders immediately slump, "Ok let's head back before we miss breakfast" she jumps up and avoids looking at me, that did not go as planned.   

I rush to get up too and I stuff the blanket into the bag without even folding it, when I look up Kelley has already started walking away. Why did I have to say that I could have just concede the point, everything was perfect until now, I jog to catch up to her and I do the first thing that comes to mind , I reach out and I take her hand in mine. "I was trying to be funny I'm sorry" she turns and smiles at me "Good, but that was a bad joke, we need to work on your sense of humour" "Of course"   

We reach the hotel way too soon and I feel the blood rushing to my face and my heart starts to race and I feel really hot. I start to freak out a little I don't know how to say goodnight, should I just hug her, should I kiss her? Is it appropriate to kiss on the first date? Can I still call this a first date after my stupid comments   We wait silently in the elevator and I'm startig to think that elevators are bad for me, I can't seem to think of anything to say whenever I am in this one. 

When we reach her door I let go of her hand so she can open it, I'm stuck in two minds of what to do now "Thanks again for taking me, I had fun" "Yeah me too" "I'll see you later then" I smile  "Most definitely....Have a good night Kell" she smiles "Technically it's morning", I laugh "Have a good morning Kell" "You too" I turn to leave, I can hear the door start to close as she sighs. I make up my mind "Kelley?" she opens the door "Yeah", I head straight for her lips.   

When my lips touch hers I am bombarded by so many feelings and sensation, I feel like I'm falling and flying at the same time, like my skin is on fire and ice cold, it feels like my heart is racing and skipping a beat all at the same time, the last thing I feel before our lips part is how soft her lips feel against mine, I smile before I open my eyes.   

"So this was our first date" "You can call it that"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, but this chapter is Hope's POV and the next one is Kelley's POV I had to write them together hope you enjoy.


	17. Kelley's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is completely Kelley's POV, read the previous chapter for Hope's

My heart was beating a mile a minute, I couldn't go out like this "Uhm I'm just going to get dressed real quick" "Yeah sure, I forgot my phone, I'll be back in.....15 minutes, that enough time?" "Yeah yeah, more than enough"   

I was starting to freak out a little, what am I going to wear, where are we going to go? when I turn to talk to Tobin I realise her bed is empty, just perfect I send her a text, not caring what she was doing. 'I'm going out with Hope,  what the hell am I going to wear, where would we go' I wait anxiously for a reply. 'Dude were in Florida, beachwear', I kind of want to facepalm myself, she's right where else would we be able to go at midnight, after midnight actually.   

I get dressed quickly and then make my way to the bathroom to get rid of my bedhead, when I'm done I'm pretty pleased with myself, it came out great, now all I have to do is wait. It feels like an eternity, my heart starts to race again, and I start thinking about everything that can go wrong, when I look at my watch it's already been 15 minutes and she hasn't come back yet, what if she changed her mind?   

When I hear the knock on the door I sigh in relief, and then I start to panick again, I wipe my hands on my knees before I get up from the bed and open the door. She looks at me before she says "Wow, you look great" I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks "Thanks....so do you" "I thought we would head to the beach, maybe have a little picnic......if you want". There was nothing else to do anyway but I'm glad we were having a picnic "Yeah, that sounds great"   

She steps back to give me some space and after the door is locked we head to the elevator in silence, I can feel that same feeling as before when Tobin and Carli were with us. When I glamce at Hope I can see she's tense her shoulder are pulled up and she's standing in that way she usually does when she's upset.   

When we get downstairs we head ouside, I can smell that familiar ocean breeze I have no idea which way we are going so I ask "Which way", I instantly realise she has no idea where we have to go, her face turns blood red before she says  "O right I forgot to ask, do you mind waiting here while I go ask the receptionist?"she looks so adorable right now, I can't help but laugh at her, I start nodding my head "Sure go ahead".   

While I stand outside I start to panic again, what if this is a disaster, what if everything goes wrong, what if she kisses me? I don't know if I'm ready for that. I can see her talking to the receptionist through the door, I wonder if we are even really going to a beach and what are we going to do exactly on the beach in the middle of the night. I inhale deeply and the scent of the ocean starts to calm me down, come on Kelley, it's Hope, you wemt on runs with her practically every morning, you can do this.   

When she comes back out she asks"You ready?" I smile and say "Yeah". We start walking and the silence becomes too much for me so I ask "What's in the bag?" "O, just some snacks I 'stole' fron the snack box and a blanket to sit on" "So it's safe to assume a picnic?", I don't really know what else to say, it's strange but our conversation just doesn't feel natural.   

When she smiles at me before she answers I feel better, a little lighter, I can feel my stomach rumble and I am suddenly hit by how hungry I am "Is it bad that I'm hungry already?" I can feel myself blushsing when she replies "I actually ate a snack while I was packing, do you want something right now?" "No, I'm sure we aren't too far away from the beach" "Who says we're going to the beach?" I raise my eyebrows at her"Where are we going then?" I can see she is trying to think of somethig but I know I've got her "Ok so maybe we are going to the beach" I smile"I knew it", I wanted to do a fist pump but then I though it would probably be overkill.   

I see a sign for a beach and assume that's where we are going when I start turning she grabs my hand "Not this one" I look at her quizically "Why not?" "The one we are going to has a nice view, or so I was told" "It's the middle.of the night, we won't be able to see anything" "Just trust me and come on", she keeps walking with my hand in hers and I like the way it feels, when I glance at her I can see a smile tugging at her lips, and I can't help but smile too.   

As we keep walking I start to notice people, I find it strange, before no one was around and now suddenly there are cars and people. "What are all these people doing here?" "I have no idea", I don't realise I am walking slower until she tugs on my hand "It's this way"the more we walk the more people there are "Is that music I hear?".   

She shakes her head in the affirmative "Yeah, sounds like it", I stop walking and she soon realises because she stops too, she has a worried look on her face "What's wrong?" "Where are we going?". She shrugs her shoulders "The beach" "Ok, but what's going on why are there so many people?", she smiles at me "Trust me, I think you'll really enjoy it". I was a little aprehensive but I knew she wouldn't take me anywhere dangerous "Ok"   

Hope throws open the blanket, and we sit down, it's a nice spot, not too crowded and just the right distance away from everyone that's dancing, but now I am getting curious as to what is going on, "Ok, can you please tell me what's going on now" "If you wait for about 10 minites you'll find out" I try my best puppydog eyes with my pout"Come on". She just smiles before grabbing something in her bag I catch the granola bar she throws at me"Here, eat that it will keep you distracted", I smile "Thanks, I'm starving"   

After I finish off the granola bar, I inhale deeply, I love the smell of the ocean, I lean back on my hands and I can feel the sand between my fingers, it brings a smile to my face, I love the feel of the sand, it reminds me that everything big can turn into something really small. I am about to ask what we are waiting for when a voice blares over the loudspeaker.   

"Ladies and gentleman, dudes and.......dudettes, welcome to the fifth annual night surfing contest. Get some food, something to drink, rock out to the music, and enjoy the show"   

"No way, are you kidding me? Night surfing? I've always wanted to see this, this is going to be awesome". I can't contain my excitement amd I leap over to give her a hug, she falls backward, but I don't care I keep hugging her "Thank you for bringing me here, this is awesome". I can feel her chuckle, before I hear it "I'm glad you like it", when I pull back a little I can see the smile on her face, it covers her face and I think for the first time since I've know her, her smile reaches her eyes.

I'm filled with this warm feeling in my stomach, it spreads across to my whole body, I wish she would smile like that more often, it makes her even more beautiful. I become aware that her arms are wrapped around my waist and I am still laying on top of her, I move off of her "Sorry, I'm just really excited", she clears her throat "I would have been dissappointed if you weren't this excited"   

"Hey you want something to drink?" "Sure, what do you have" "Let's see", she opens the bag and starts looking inside. The look of concentration on her face is adorable "Well it looks like we have water.....aaaaannnnnnnd water" she holds up the two bottles, "So which one?". I put my fingers to my lips and act as if it's a hard question "Mmmmmmm, I don't know, they both look equally good, which one do you recommend?"   

She hands me the one in her right hand "Well since you like water I would suggest this one" I smirk and mumble "Smartass" when she says "Always", I smile, she really is sometimes. I smell taco's and I turn around, right behind us is a foodtruck, they usually make the best ones, and I feel hungry again "You want something to eat?" "I am starving, and those taco's smell delicious" "How do you know they sell taco's? I don't see any food from here?"   

"I can smell it, can't you smell it?" "I can smell something good, but that's about it" "I bet you a taco that they have taco's" she smiles at me "And what do I get if you're wrong". It takes me a while to think of something "If I'm wrong then I will pay for your coffee this entire week", her whole face lights up "You are on". She practically jumps up "Well let's get going then", I get up and rub the sand from my hands "Let's go", I smile at her and think I can't wait for my taco.   

When we get close a guy walks by with two taco's, I can see her face fall a little, "How about you surprise me with something, while I go keep our spot" "Yeah sure ok, uhm do you have any preferance?" "Surprise me" she just nods her head and I turn to walk back to our spot, there where already people close by and it didn't look like they even saw our blanket.   

"Hey guys, you mind moving a little bit, this is my spot here" "The beach is for everyone, sorry" "Yeah, the beach is for everybody, I'm included in that list" "Listen we were here and you weren't thus this is our spot now" "Well if you would look down you would see a blanket, my blanket, meaning I was here before you were"., one of his friends stumbles and spills his drink all over me, now I'm wet and stink of beer."Well we are a group and you are on person, so you can move", I am starting to get angry, we took this spot because it was a good spot, I'm not just going to let then take it, so I raise my voics a little and say"The beach is big enough for you and your group to go party over there, this here" I point to the blanket "This space is already taken"   

"Hey hey, what's going on here" she looks so calm and I feel like hitting the guys smug look of his face, I got even angrier when I saw the way he was looking at her, "Hey you're a hottie, want a drink?" he grabs one of his friends drinks out of his hands and holds it out to her, I am about to step forward when she hands me the taco's, stopping me in my tracks.   

She looks down at the drink and then back at him, cocking her head to the left, he starts to get uncomfortable under her stare and he withdraws his hand with the drink, "What you don't like beer" she doesn't say a word she just keeps looking at him "What? Cat got your tongue?" still nothing from her, and I imagine she is giving him her bitch face.   

"What the hell is your problem bitch?" he pushes on her repaired shoulder and I can see her react in pain, I am fuming I am about to get in his face when Hope steps in front of me, now I'm angry at her too what is she thinking "O I'm sorry, did that hurt" he tries to push her back again, but this time she grabs his hand, and it's obvious he didn't expect that at all.  "I hope you are done because it's about time you leave" her voice is laced with what I can only describe as venom, it even makes me shudder.   

I can see his hand struggeling in hers, and by the looks of it she is holding on tight "How about you and your friends move over there and leave our spot alone" he let's out a yelps, I look at their hands, Hope's knuckles are white from the pressure. After a while he nods his head and she lets go, he grabs his hand, pulling it into his body to protect it, before walking away.   

"Kelley your shirt is wet, and it smells like beer, did one of those guys throw beer on you?" she already turn to go after them "No, one of them accidentally spilled some beer on me" she pulls off her jacket and hands it to me "Here, it will help against the cold". It isn't in the least bit cold, but her arms look good in the shirt she's wearing so I just take it "Thanks" I hold out the taco's "Want a taco?" she laughs "How can I say no to that?"   

We sit down next to each other looking out at the sea, I bite into the taco and it's a burst of flavour in my mouth, it's the best taco I've ever tasted, "Mmmmmm this is delicious" I take another bite "I want another one". Hope shakes her head "You haven't even finished that one" "Doesn't matter it's too good to only have one", she takes another bite and nods her head "Ok, maybe you have a point" I smile widely at her.

  Hope got us some more taco's before we got comfortable on the blanket I loved the idea of night surfing I want to do it one day. The skill and the lights on display take my breath away, I can see that Hope isn't enjoying it as much as I am so I explain things to try and include her. When one of the surfers wipes out it looks bad "Ooo that had to hurt", I realise with every explanation Hope moves closer and closer, soon she is right next to me and without even thinking I just place my head on her shoulder, it's really comfortable, I feel her sigh before I hear it, then she says something that makes my heart skip a beat "This is nice"   

I am really comfortable and before I know it we have to head back, it's almost four in the morning  but I feel wide awake "This was so much fun, I've always wanted to see this" "Yeah it was fun, we should do it again" I shove her lightly "Yeah right you were practically falling asleep" "No I wasn't.... I was just blinking........slowly", she looks at me before shrugging her shoulders "Ok fine surfing is not for me, next time we'll go to a basketball game". She knows I don't particularly like basketball, I mostly go for the company "You seem pretty sure there will be a second date"   

She raises her eyebrows at me "What makes you think this was a our first one?" "Well you asked me out at night, you bought me food, and gave me water, sounds like a date to me" "Ok I did ask you to come with me, but technically it's early morning not night, yes I did buy you food, but I lost the bet so I had to, and you can get water from a tap doesn't mean anything". She has a point but I want this to be our first date "Ok let's head back before we miss breakfast" and I get up to leave, feeling a little upset   

She stuffs the blanket in the bag and I start walking away not wanting to be this close to her, I can hear her rushing to catch up, but I don't look back, I'm a little more upset than I thought I was. I suddenly feel her hand in mine and I want to pull my hand away when she says "I was trying to be funny I'm sorry" my heart is racing and I can't help but smile "Good, but that was a bad joke, we need to work on your sense of humour" "Of course"   As we get closer to the hotel I can feel myself sweating, I hope my hand isn't sweating too much, my heart races when I think about what I'm supposed to so when we get back since I'm still not completely sure if it was a date or not.   

The elevator ride is again filled with silence, but I don't mind it, I'm too busy trying to figure out what I'm going to do, if I'm going to do anything at all, I mean she asked me out so she should make a move. On the other hand I keep expecting her to make a move, maybe I should just go for it. It feels like I just blinked but I am now standing in front of my door, Hope lets go of my hand. I stand in my doorway waiting for something to happen, when it becomes obvious that's not going to happen I open my mouth    

"Thanks again for taking me, I had fun" "Yeah me too" "I'll see you later then" she smiles "Most definitely....Have a good night Kell". This time I smile thinking about what she said earlier "Technically it's morning",  she laughs  and it makes me happy to hear it, I think she's going to kiss me instead she just says "Have a good morning Kell" "You too" I reply, she turns to leave and I realise how disappointed I am that she is leaving. When I start to close the door I sigh, the night was pretty perfect I just wish it would have ended better. The door is almost completely closed when I hear "Kelley?" I open the door "Yeah".   

When my lips touch hers I am bombarded by so many feelings and sensation, I feel like I'm falling and flying at the same time, like my skin is on fire and ice cold, it feels like my heart is racing and skipping a beat all at the same time, the last thing I feel before our lips part is how soft her lips feel against mine, I smile before I open my eyes.   

"So this was our first date" "You can call it that".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the two updates, I'm sorry it took so long, got a new job so I'm not too sure when the next update will be, but as always feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you think.


	18. Romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, taking a job in another country has been keeping me super busy. I have a bit more time now that I have settled in, so the next update won't take so long.

Camp went great, Kelley and I had some more secret dates, and we stole a few kisses between practice and our off days. I was happy, it was the last day of camp and then we would get to go home soon. Our bags were packed we had one last practice, one last time to prove ourselves before the roster was announced.   
And there it was both our names on the roster we were going to the world cup. I, was excited, but also scared at the same time, what if someone found out about us? Thus far it was only Carli, Alex and Tobin that knew. But I had no idea how this would go if everyone found out, how would this affect the team?  
“Hey, are you listening to me?” “What”, she moves to put some hair behind my ear but she stops midway, I think when she realises we are at lunch, and instead puts some of her own hair behind her ear. “What’s going on in that head of yours? I can see the gears turning” “It’s nothing much, don’t worry about it”. I can see she isn’t too happy with my answer, but I don’t want to get into this right now, “Later ok?” “Ok”.

I’m sitting in my room throwing a ball against the wall, waiting for Hope to come by and tell me what is going on. She has always been serious, but the look on her face was something I haven’t seen before. When there is a knock on the door I jump up and run to the door before opening it, she looks so hot with her hair still a little damp hanging loose down her shoulders. Without a word she steps into the room, I’m now looking up at her and I lick my lips while my eyes fall to hers.

She leans down; I hear the door slam shut just before our lips meet, it’s short, much shorter than it has ever been and it worries me. “What’s wrong?” “What are we going to do?” I frown “What do you mean?” “About the team? Do we tell them? Do we keep this is a secret? Can we even keep this a secret?” I feel like laughing but I know it is not the best idea right now. “Hey, listen to me, there is no rush, why are you worried about this right now?” “Because we are going to the world cup, we will be spending a lot of time together, it will be hard to keep it a secret, and I don’t know how everyone will react, relationships on teams never really go well”  
“Look at Alex and Tobin, nobody knows about them and they have been together for a while, why would they find out about us” I shake my head and step closer to her “Because Kelley, I can’t stop thinking about you. And I don’t want to stay away from you” she smiles at me. “You really have a way with words don’t you?” “I’m being serious; I don’t think I can hide my feelings for you”

I feel myself blush, she never really says anything like this, “It will be ok, we can do this, we’ve been doing it for this long” she frowns “It’s been two weeks, it’s really not that long a time to hide something this new, but by then it will have been a couple of months” “I don’t really understand what the problem is” “The problem is that we will be in a relationship, while we are on the same team, and things in our relationship can affect how we perform for the team, or can be misconstrued as such, and I don’t want that” she says the last part kind of exasperatedly.

I cup her cheek with my hand “Listen to me, you are worrying about things that can maybe happen, and even if they happen what can we do about it anyway? So why worry?” “Because I’m a worry wart and you know this” “Did I tell you, you look really good with your hair like this?” “Like what?” “All damp and loose” she bursts out laughing “Damp and loose, what does that even mean?” I’m blushing slightly “You didn’t let me finish” “I’m sorry go ahead”. She is still chuckling but I continue anyway “You look good with your hair down all damp and loose, it makes you look more relaxed” I move so I can run my hands through her hair “And it makes me want to do things…..like kiss you”  
I swallow and it feels like my mouth has become a desert, she is looking at me with those eyes of hers and I feel like the air is being sucked from my lungs. Before I know it her lips are on mine and she’s kissing me passionately, her arms are thrown over my shoulders and her hands are keeping my head in place. My head starts spinning, I’m not sure if it’s because of the lack of oxygen or the intensity of the kiss. I don’t want to stop, but I have to, I pull away and she rests her forehead against mine, my eyes are closed and don’t want to open them just yet, I want to continue feeling the tingling of my lips and the racing of my heart for a second longer.

When I do open my eyes I see hers are still closed, she opens them slowly and it feels like my heart literally stopped beating for a second, she smiles at me and leans in again. She pushes me backwards and I know what she is trying to do, and so far she is winning. I push her off “Kell stop” “Why?” she tries to kiss me again but I turn my head “Not today” she sighs loudly “What’s wrong? Is it me?” I face her quickly “No it’s not that, I just want it to be…..special”  
I smile when I hear that “I’m not someone cares about it being special, I just want you” “I want it to be special because I’ve know you for years and I don’t want to be just another time. Besides we’ve only been dating for two weeks” “But like you said it’s been years, I think I’ve wanted you since the first time I ran into you” she raises her eyebrow at me “That’s a long time, but I still want it to be special” “Stop saying that you’re making me feel bad”

“No I don’t want you to feel bad, I just want you to wait, wait for the day we can wake up next to each other not a thousands of miles away” I move towards her and kiss her, I can feel her resist but this is me just thanking her for doing something that I wouldn’t have done. “You’re really amazing, you know that” “You’re the amazing one, now come on, let’s go get some ice cream or something” “Yeah, ice cream sounds great, and it will be outside with the rest of the team” “Maybe I shouldn’t go, I usually didn’t” “Hey no, you promised me ice cream we are going to get ice cream” “Damn I should have just kept my mouth shut”

When we get into the elevator it feels like half the team is in there, even Alex and Tobin, so I squeeze in next to them and Hope just stands in the only empty spot that is left. Of course the first person to talk is Rapinoe “Does anyone else feel that” “Feel what?” “The sexual tension that just walked into the elevator” Alex, Tobin and I burst out laughing out of every one of course it will be Rapinoe who will pick up on that. “Damn Solo who were you talking to?” The glare she gives her could kill, and she quickly shuts up “Who says it’s me?” 

“Like it could be our little squirrely who brought that in here” the look on Hope’s face was priceless but I knew it was dangerous too so I stepped in “It could be me, how would you know?” “Are you saying it is you?” “Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, you’ll never hear it from me”, of course that was not the end of it. Because now everyone wanted to know who I was seeing or maybe seeing, and I couldn’t spend time with Hope at all. She left midway through her ice cream, and I didn’t see her again till before we left.

“Where did you disappear to?” “My room, no point in staying out, I said I would eat ice cream with you, couldn’t do that so I left” I wanted to hug her right there “Why do you keep everyone at a distance, you’re such a good person” “You’ve know me for years, what makes you think I want to befriend people who can just as easily hurt me” “Then why are we even dating if that is the way you feel” “Because you’re you, even when I tried no having feeling for you it didn’t work, I can’t stop myself” 

“You should let people in, they might surprise you…but I think you’re going to surprise them, everyone thinks you are this mean, angry person, and you’re not” “I don’t care about what they think” “You should” “Why?” I move a little closer to her “If I remember correctly you where the one who was worried about their reaction, maybe if they actually knew the real you, you wouldn’t be so worried” I could see the frown forming on her face. “Have you ever even thought of that?” 

“Of course I have” I hadn’t really but I didn’t want her to know that “I just never had a reason to try….till now that is” damn sometimes I am really good. “Shut up, I know you haven’t considered it” “And how would you know that?” “That frown you get is your tell. Come on tell me I’m lying” “Fine, I hadn’t really considered it, are you happy” “So much”  
It was almost time for my flight, but I didn’t want to go, I was enjoying my time with Hope. When my flight got called I could see the sadness in her eyes “Come and give me a hug” I was half expecting her to resist but she didn’t she just stood up and gave me a hug. “I’m going to miss you” she whispered into my ear, I pulled her tighter to me “I’m going to miss you too” I tried not to look back at her, but the temptation was just too great. When I turned around she was already sitting down again, but her eyes were still on me, and that was all I needed to know, I’m hooked on her.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We would be leaving for the world cup camp in two weeks; Kelley had promised her parents that she would visit before she left, she begged me to come with her, at first I didn’t want to, this was supposed to be their time, and I felt like I was intruding. Somehow Kelley convinced me to come and now I am outside the door holding Kelley’s hand in mine and feeling like I’m going to be sick. She squeezes my hand, “Relax, they already love you” “Before I was just your friend, it’s different now” “They still love you”

Her Dad hugged me like no time had passed at all, I was grateful for that, but her Mom was not so welcoming. Her brother and sister treated me like they always did, and soon they were off doing what they always did, teasing and bickering like they were little kids. I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of them; it made me feel normal, like I had always been part of a family, I was so lost in thought that I didn’t realise her Dad had walked up beside me.

“Sometimes I don’t ever think they will grow up” “It’s good to act like a kid every now and then” he shrugs “I think all siblings act the same, I’ve never met any that didn’t revert back to kids when they are back together again.” “I don’t know about that, I don’t think my brother and I act like that” “I can bet you if you ask Kelley if she acts like that she will tell you, you’re lying”

When we sat down for lunch I was still getting the cold shoulder from Karin, I didn’t really know why, but Kelley seemed upset about it, and by the end of the lunch she just couldn’t keep it to herself anymore. “What’s wrong Mom” “Nothing, why would anything be wrong” “Because you’re acting like that” I grabbed her hand under the table and tried to tell her to stop without actually saying anything.

When Hope grabbed my hand I knew she wanted me to stop, but I could, my mother was treating her like she was an unwelcomed guest and that just wasn’t right. “Why are you treating her like this, you never had a problem before” “Well she was never your girlfriend before” “What does it matter?” “She’s too old for you” I wanted to burst out laughing. “Mom she’s like four year older than me, Dad is six years older than you, does that mean he is too old for you?” 

“Don’t get smart with me, you know it’s not the same, she may be four years older than you, but she is much more mature than you are” “What does that have to do with anything?” “She’s in a different place in her life then you” “Again what does that have to do with anything?” “I just don’t like it alright”, I want to keep talking but I can feel myself losing my temper. I can also see my Dad is trying to say something, but I know when my Mom gets like this there really is no reasoning with her. “Ok, I guess we’ll be going then, it was good seeing all of you again”

“We don’t have to go yet, you won’t get a chance to see them again for a while” “Yeah Kell, come on we still haven’t played our board games yet” “Yeah and what about Mom’s dessert, have you forgotten?” I tug at her arm and she sits down again. “Yeah don’t forget about your Mom’s dessert” “You know we probably shouldn’t eat it anyway” I shrug. “It’s not like we will eat it every day” “Fine, but only because it is so good”

The air is stilled filled with some tension, but it seems to get better as everyone eats their dessert, we even get some coffee afterwards, it tastes horrible after the dessert but I’m not going to complain. Kelley is still adamant about leaving and there is really nothing I can do to change her mind “Thank you for the lunch Karen, it was great” “Yeah, thanks Mom, the food was delicious”. 

Dan gives me his usual hug and Kelley hugs her mom too before she hugs her dad, I say goodbye to her siblings, before standing aside and letting them do their little ritual. They start jumping around in a circle before clapping their hands together and then doing some weird hug.

While we’re in the car I grab her hand and smile at her, the lunch went really good except for the little dispute with my Mom “Thanks for coming today” “Sure no problem” she smiles back at me and it makes my heart soar. “I’m sorry about my Mom” “Don’t worry about it, she’s just worried about you” “She doesn’t have to be” “She’s your mom; she’ll always be worried about you”. I lean over and kiss her on the cheek “Thanks for being so good about this.” The rest of the ride home we laughed and had fun like we always did.  
When we get to her apartment I suddenly have butterflies in my stomach, “I have something to show you.” I raise my eyebrows “What is it?” “You’ll just have to wait and see.” She pulls me to the living room “What do you think?” “What am I supposed to be looking at exactly?” she puts her hand up to her chest “Oh, ouch that hurt”

I smile “I really don’t get it”, she frowns at me “Come on Kell look closer.” I look around the room trying to see what has changed, but it all still looks the same. “Hope come on I was only here once, I don’t know what is different, tell me please.” She takes me over to the shelf next to her TV, when I look at what she is pointing at it feels like my heart jumps into my throat. “When did you do this?”

I smile so widely when I see how happy she looks at my surprise “I did this after you left the last time, I missed seeing you” she hugs me so tightly I think that she may actually break my ribs. Just when I plan on saying something she lets go and next thing I know her lips are on mine, I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her closer, I keep her close to me, I feel like I never want to let her go. “I can’t believe you have a framed picture of me; and where people can see it too” “Well it didn’t seem to work with you.” She kisses me again, “I’m blind, what can I say.” I kiss her, “How about we watch a movie?”

“I have a better idea” I kiss her in a way to make sure she knows what I want, she tries to pull away but I keep her close, she breaks free, breathing heavily “Kelley we talked about this.” “And I remember saying I don’t care if it is special, and you can wake up next to me tomorrow.” When I kiss her again it’s like I’m kissing a totally different person, she is much more aggressive then she has been in the past.

I can’t stop myself when she says that she will be there tomorrow, right now there is nothing stopping us from being together, and I want to be with her, she is the first person I think I have ever actually loved. I don’t know how long we stand there just kissing each other, but I need more I wrap my arms around her waist and when I pick her up they slide up to under her arms, she wraps her legs around my waist, and I stumble to my room.

Our lips never part on the walk to my room, and I try to put her down gently but she pulls me with her and I kind of fall on her. We both laugh at this, and in this moment I feel really happy, I lightly run my hand down the side of her face, looking into her eyes “You look so beautiful.” When I say these words it looks like her eyes come alive, and it spurs me on to say the words I didn’t think I would be able to say “I love you.”

When she says that she loves me I know she means it, and my heart is beating so fast I think it might actually stop “I love you too.” The smile on her face makes me happier than it should, this kiss is not like the others it isn’t about lust right now, it is about love and it is the best kiss I have ever had. When it ends I don’t want it to, and she gives me a little peck on the lips, the perfect kiss for the moment.

I look up at her before pulling her down and kissing her again, my hands run up and down her back, slowly but surely my hands keep going lower and lower, till they are resting on her butt, I almost laugh at the thought that flashes through my head, and she must have realised something happened. “What?” “It’s nothing” she doesn’t let me kiss her, “Tell me” she holds me down when I try to lean up and kiss her. “Fine, I was just thinking that nobody gives your butt enough attention, it’s all about your bitch face, which is nice and all, but your butt is nice too.”

I laugh when she tells me what she was thinking and I can see her blushing “That’s what you were thinking about right now?” “I can’t help it if my hands are attracted to your butt.” “I kind of wonder if I should be insulted, you think I have a better butt then a face.” “I didn’t say that, I said your butt doesn’t get enough attention” “Well the only person I want to admire my butt is you, so I can live with it.”

When I lean down to kiss her she meets me half way, and slowly her head lowers down to the bed, I start to kiss down her neck, when I rest my lips against her neck, I can feel her racing heartbeat, I start to go lower, when I reach the top of her shirt, I pull up and look at her. She nods slightly and I pull her shirt up and over her head, her hair is now all messy but I love the way it frames her face, and what I love more are the new freckles looking back at me. I start to kiss between her breast and I slowly move even lower. Suddenly I am on my back, and Kelley is looking down at me, she unbuttons my shirt while her lips are attached to my neck. She was driving me crazy with her hands roaming up and down my body, the feeling of her weight on me as she straddles me, and her tongue and lips on my neck.

Her hand starts grazing at the top of my jeans moving up and then down again, I grab her hand and start to sit up. I hold onto her to keep her from falling, once we are in a sitting position I slowly move my hands down her back, when I reach the top of her jeans I move my hands to the front and unbutton it. 

Her hands move agonizingly slow down my back, when she finally reaches the top of my jeans, she moves her hands slowly to the front and I kiss her more aggressively to get her to move faster. She unbuttons my jeans and I expect her hands to go into the front of my jeans, instead her hands move back to my back. She breaks our kiss and she starts nibbling at my ear, it feels so good, and when her hands do slip under my jeans it is to squeeze my butt, I wasn’t expecting it and without even realising it I moan softly.  
She moves down from my ear to start kissing at my jaw, her hands massaging me, she is now kissing my neck and I throw my head back, I don’t think I have ever felt so many sensations at the same time and it was driving me crazy. Without even realising it Hope had removed my bra and was now kissing my breasts, her hands running up and down my back.

I can hear her breathing increase and I keep up my movements, I kiss closer to her nipples and she exhales loudly. When I finally to take her nipple into my mouth, she inhales quickly and I love that sound, and I know I want to hear her do it again. I nibble softly and use my hand to massage her other breast. I move from one breast to the other and I love the way she responds to my touch.

I turn us over, now I am on top of her again, I move my hand down and I start pulling at her pants, she moves so I can get it down easily, once I have it off she unbuttons my pants and pulls them down. She reaches up to my face with her hands, her thumb caresses my cheek, she then stands up too and kisses me. I feel like all the air has been sucked out of my lungs, next thing I know I’m being pulled down on top of her, the kiss never broken.

Feeling Hope’s weight on top of me makes me kiss her even more feverishly, I keep my one hand in her hair and the other I trail slowly down her back. I love the feeling of her muscles quivering under my touch, and I love how her back felt, her shoulder and back muscles were well defined. She broke the kiss and started kissing down my neck; she sucked on my pulse and massaged my breast.

I encouraged her to go lower and she does, she kissed around my navel and then continued downward, her hands still firmly attached to my chest. I felt like my body was heating up by the second and when she finally reached my centre, it felt like everything stood still, and it felt so good. She went slowly at first, just gently licking and sucking on my clit, her hands now pinching my nipples.

I cannot stop the moan from escaping my lips and it seems to encourage her to go faster, she starts licking at a quicker pace, the feeling of pleasure starts to increase, and my breathing becomes even more erratic, my hands go to the back of her head and I push her to lick harder and faster. But still she doesn’t change her pace, “Please go faster.” Her eyes look up at me and I see a fire there that I have never seen before.

She stares at me for a while, and then her hands leave my chest, one arm wraps around my thigh the other goes lower and she probes at my hole, just lightly. I keep my eyes on her and I urge her to continue, she finally enters me, and again I can’t keep the moan from escaping my mouth. I am now on my elbows looking down at Hope; it seems to help her give me what I want. 

As she continues to suck on my clit, another finger enters me and the coil in the pit of my stomach starts to tighten. I kept trying to keep my breathing and heart rate under control, but it was impossible. She starts to go faster and I can feel my muscles start to quiver; I’m getting closer to the edge.

I go faster with my fingers and I lick quicker too, her hands are still in my hair and I can hear her breathing is very erratic; her hips are starting to move in sync with my hand movements. She starts making more noises and I can feel her muscles start to clench. I know she is close and I want to be closer when she goes over the edge, I replace my tongue with my thumb and I start to kiss up her body again. I spend some time on her breasts and when I feel her legs starts to quiver I move up higher.

I kiss the junction between her neck and shoulder, when her hips start moving faster I release her neck and move to her lips. I kiss her and she responds immediately and passionately. Her head starts going back and her back starts to arch. I keep kissing her even as her orgasm hits, she writhes beneath me but I keep going, wanting her to have as long an orgasm as I can give her.

My eyes are closed and I feel like I am floating, I don’t even know if I am still actually breathing or not. When I feel Hope move off me I open my eyes and look at her, I don’t think I have ever seen anything as beautiful. She gives my nose a kiss and strokes my cheek; I smile and reach up to take her hand in mine.

I hold it for a while before giving her a kiss on the lips, I want to deepen it but I feel completely exhausted, I pull away and say “That was just….wow” she smiles at me, one of those smiles that reaches her eyes and makes her look even more beautiful, “Go to sleep” “I love you” “Love you too.” I close my eyes and within an instant I am fast asleep.

She looks so happy and I feel like my chest is going to explode with all of the emotions of the moment. She is curled up to me and I have honestly never felt as good as I do now, I have never felt as much as I do now, and I don’t think I have ever loved anyone as much as I love Kelley. I don’t think I would be able to fall asleep tonight, so I just keep staring at Kelley she looks so peaceful, and soon my eyes start to feel heavy and I fall asleep.

When I come back to consciousness I feel a strange feeling on my nose, when I open my eyes I am staring at Kelley face. She is rubbing her nose against mine “What are you doing?” she smiles and says “I’m giving you Eskimo kisses; I didn’t want to wake you up.” I smile “Why would that not wake me up?” “I don’t know, I just wanted to try it.” I wrap my arms around me and I pull her to me, “Give me a proper kiss” she smiles and leans down “If that is what you want.” She kisses me and I am whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter, and as always let me know what you think.


	19. A day spent together

When I woke up later that morning I was starving, and I could smell food which made my stomach grumble. I walked to the kitchen, and just stood at the doorway for a minute, just admiring how Hope worked around the kitchen making food. She was in shorts and a sports bra, her hair was tied up, but it was messy, and even though I couldn’t see her face I knew she was concentrating very hard, her shoulders were pulled up and she looked a little tense.

I walked in and put my hands around her waist, resting my head between her shoulder blades, I closed my eyes and listened to her heartbeat and breathing, she tensed a little before relaxing “Your hands are cold” “Sorry…..why are you so tense?” “I’m not” “You can’t lie to me, your shoulders were practically at your ears, what’s wrong” “She sighs, it’s something stupid.” I pull my hands away and turn her around “Come on tell me”

I feel stupid for being so upset about the eggs I ruined, and she was giving me her pout combined with her puppy dog eyes, I was cracking “I ruined the eggs and had to start over” she smiles at me. And then she burst out laughing which makes me feel even more like an idiot “I’m never telling you anything ever again” “Nooooo, baby, it’s so sweet that you feel bad about the eggs” “I would believe you if you weren’t trying so hard to keep a straight face.” 

I turn to put the new eggs I made onto a plate “I was just trying to make you a nice brunch after last night and this morning, and it got ruined because my mind kept wondering, it’s all your fault” “It’s just some eggs that got burned, it’s not the end of the world” “I have never burned eggs before, it’s almost impossible to make bad eggs.” My back is still turned to her when she wraps her arms around my waist again “I’m sorry for laughing, but I think it is so cute that you are so upset about burned eggs. And beside I would have eaten anything you put in front of me and savoured it” this brings a smile to my face.

After eating all of the eggs I was still a little hungry, “Do you have something for dessert?” she raises her eyebrow at me “You’re still hungry aren’t you?” I can feel my cheeks burning “Yes, but the eggs were delicious.” She just smiles at me before grabbing my hand and leading me back to the bedroom “I don’t think we’re going to find food here”  
I laugh at her comment “No, but we are going to get dressed so we can go to get you some dessert” “We are?” “Yeah, why wouldn’t we? You want dessert and I am going to get you some” she gives me a quick kiss. With her hand still on my cheek she smiles and says “Is ice cream ok?” “It’s perfect” I grab a shirt from my closet and throw it at her “This will look good on you” she lifts it up and frowns “I do have my own clothes here you know” “Yeah, but that will look good on you” “It’s too big though”

I walk over to her “It” I kiss her shoulder “Will” I kiss her other shoulder “Look” I kiss her forehead “Good” I kiss her nose “On” I kiss her chin “You” I kiss her on the lips. I pull away and hold it up to her she puts it on and smiles “It smells like you” “Yeah?” “Yeah.” I walk closer “Well I was right it looks good on you” she turns to the mirror and frowns “It’s too big for me, I told you it would be” 

I wrap my arms around her waist “I like the way it looks on you, you look beautiful in it” I kiss her softly. “I’m only wearing this for you…..and because I want ice cream really badly” I smile “Let’s go then.” In the car she sings along to the radio at the top of her lungs, she is not the best singer, but it still puts a smile on my face, I pull into this little ice cream store that I always visit, it has the best ice cream I have ever had. “Now this place doesn’t have the biggest selection, but it has the best ice cream ever.”

When we walk in I shiver a little, it is colder than it was outside, and Hope was right the selection was pretty small, but she said it was good and I trust her. “So what do you want” I look at the menu, “Can I have the waffles with ice cream in it?” “If you want to, just don’t blame me when Dawn kicks your ass at training” “Oh come on it’s still a month before we have camp, I can get rid of this by then” “Like I said if you want it you can have it” “What are you getting?” “Some vanilla ice cream.” I shake my head “That is so boring.”  
I smile “Maybe, but it is so good” “I’m taking the waffle with ice cream, it looks so good.” “Ok, which ice cream, you can choose which one you want.” She puts her finger on her cheek and looks at all the options, she looks so cute when she is thinking like that but she is taking so long. “Come on they have 7 flavours how hard can it be to choose one?” “Very hard, I need to think about how a waffle tastes and then which flavour would work best on it.” I kiss her on the lips, “Go take a seat I’ll choose for you ok” “Ooooh a surprise, I like that”

“So which one did you pick” “You’ll just have to wait and see” “O come on tell me” “It won’t be a surprise if I tell you” “You suck” “You liked it last night….and this morning.” She slaps me on the arm “Someone could have heard you.” “Who? We are the only people here” “Still, someone could have brought our order when you said that.” “Kelley, are you ashamed of us?”

When those words leave her mouth I am shocked “No! Not at all! I just don’t want anyone to hear what we did last night that is between us.” She starts laughing “I was kidding, I just kissed you a few minutes ago, or did you forget?” “O yeah, I did actually!” she leans over and kisses me again, a little more forcefully then before. “I hope you don’t forget that.”  
When our order comes, Kelley looks at the waffle sceptically “What did you do?” “What do you mean” “Look at it! Is that even a waffle” “Kelley, just eat it and shut up.” She frowns but still she keeps quiet and cuts up a little piece, I want to strangle her for being so scared of eating a waffle. Her face changes immediately when she starts chewing on it.

It is like my mouth exploded with an array of flavour, and the heat of the waffle mixed with the cold of the ice cream makes it so much better. “O my god it is like an angel made this” she laughs at me “I told you it was good.” “This is not good, this is amazing, this is fantastic, this is the most amazing thing I have ever tasted.” I didn’t even realise how loudly I was speaking until I saw the cashier looking at me. “Ok, ok calm down, how about you finish that and we can go to the park, if you want to” “Yeah, it is such a beautiful day”  
“You brought a soccer ball?” “Of course, I never leave home without it” “I didn’t see you carrying it?” “That’s because it stays in the car”, I smile at her “Want to have a little competition” she acts as if she is thinking really hard “Well it depends” “On what?” She smiles at me and leans in closer “On what I’ll be winning” “Confident aren’t we” “Always, so what do you have in mind?” 

“I don’t really know, we can’t have a game with just the two of us” I look around and there are kids all over the place “Do you think the kids will be up for a little friendly competition” she raises an eyebrow at me “What do you have in mind?” “My team against your team” “But we won’t be actually playing?” “No, but we will be coaching” “Ok, and what is the prize?” “If I win you have to serve me breakfast in bed tomorrow and if you win then I will have to serve you breakfast in bed tomorrow.”

Breakfast in bed sound good, but I don’t know how good of a cook Kelley is “Can you even cook?” “Are you serious right now; did you not like my mother’s food?” “No, it was great, what does that have to do with anything?” “Who do you think taught me how to cook?” “Still doesn’t tell me anything, some people just can’t cook” “I am going to pretend I didn’t hear that. Let’s see if we can get this thing going” 

After a little debating about how it was going to work since we didn’t have enough kids for two teams, and we didn’t have any lines or goals, we finally had a makeshift soccer field. With shoes designating corners and a couple of cups filled with sand were the goals. The field was obviously smaller than it would normally be, and the goals a little bigger since the kids were just playing for fun. 

We had a little huddle before the kick-off and Kelley and I were going to be the referees. We couldn’t decide who would be the fairest so we made a deal that both of us would be the referee. I would be the ref during the first half and she would be the ref during the second half. 

It looked like the kids were enjoying themselves, but my team was losing, and I hated losing, meanwhile Hope had this big smile on her face, sometimes I am just too competitive. At the end of the match her smile was even bigger I had never lost so badly to someone before, “Don’t say anything” “I wasn’t, I was just going to ask if you had anything special in mind for breakfast tomorrow?” I try to retort but the look on her face melts my heart “Nothing special, just a normal breakfast” 

She tucks the soccer ball under her one arm and reaches for my hand with her other one, “What do you feel like doing now?” “Absolutely anything” “So grocery shopping for tonight will be ok?” “Yeah, why do we need to go shopping for tonight?” “It’s just a little something I have planned for you, don’t worry about it.” I pull her a little closer and whisper in her ear “Well aren’t you full of surprises” she kisses me on the cheek “Always”

I feel exhausted after an afternoon of hunting for ingredients that I had never heard of before, “Go sit down you look tired” I blow some air out of my mouth “Yeah that was exhausting, and remind me to never go shopping with you again. Why did we get so much food?” “It’s a surprise. Now go and rest up.” “Don’t you want me to help?” “No, just go relax” “You know, if you keep spoiling me like this I am going to expect it every time I come and visit” “You should” she gives me a smile that makes my knees weak. I lean in to kiss her but she stops me “If you do that I won’t be able to stop” “I don’t care we can always order some food” she shakes her head “That will ruin the surprise” I sigh loudly “Fine, but this better be good.”

I can’t believe that I actually fell asleep, I didn’t think I was that tired, and then I am hit by the most delicious smell I head out to the kitchen where Hope is still busy cooking “How long was I asleep?” “Almost an hour” she points at the clock with her knife. I smile at her; you look so cute in your cooking outfit. She looks down at herself and then she looks at me confused, “I’m in my regular clothes, I just put an apron on” “I know, doesn’t change the fact that you look cute in it” she shakes her head. “I don’t do cute” “Oh I beg to differ” she walks closer to me “I don’t do cute, take it back” “What if I don’t want to?”

I get closer to her and lean closer “Take it back” she gives me a smile “The truth hurts sometimes” she says this will backing up slowly, I keep walking closer and she hits the side of the table, I move so I trap her between me and the table. “What about now, am I still cute?” she shakes her head ‘No’ I raise an eyebrow, “So, what am I?” “I would say you are extremely” the doorbell rings and both our heads turn in the direction of the door. I lean in closer and whisper in her ear “Why don’t you get that” she just shakes her head.  
When I open the door I am surprised to see my siblings standing there, my sister gives me a hug before walking in “Good to see you again Kel” I try to recover but all I manage to say is “What are you guys doing here?” “We’re here to have dinner of course.” “Why?” “Wow, not even ‘I’m so happy to see you again’ just questions” “I’m sorry, I’m just confused” “Clearly, Hope invited us for dinner, since yesterday went so well” “Wait, are mom and dad coming too?” “I have no idea”

I head into the kitchen with my siblings, “Hey Hope, this smells great” “Thanks, would you like something to drink?” “Sure, what would you like?” “Anything you have is fine” “Kelley, do you mind giving your sister something to drink.” “Sure, why not, I’m not doing anything” she just smiles at me and continues cooking. I want to ask her if my parents will be coming too, but my sister beats me to it “So are our parents coming too?” she shakes her head and I feel relieved.

“This is just so you guys can catch up, it seemed like you didn’t have enough time to catch up yesterday.” “Thanks Hope” “Yeah, thanks baby” I can see my sister give a sly smile, oh man I’m going to get it, why did I have to say that. “Why don’t you guys go hang out outside on the patio, the weather is really nice today, Erin grabs me by the wrist and pretty much drags me outside while yelling something over her shoulder, and for some reason Jerry goes to sit in front of the TV “What the hell Erin?”

“Did you just call Hope Solo baby?” “What!? No, I don’t think so” she gives me that smile of hers and I start to get nervous “You did call her baby, I heard you, Jerry heard you, and I’m sure Hope heard you too. Right now you have a choice do you want me to ridicule you in front of both of them, or do you want it to be just the two of us.” I know there is no way I can win so I sigh before saying “Ok fine, what do you want to know”

The look on her face reminds me of a kid in a candy store “Ok first, since when did you start calling her baby?” “I dunno, just recently, I’m not really sure” she doesn’t look too happy with that answer “Man sometimes you are like a guy, do you even remember your first kiss?” “Of course I do” before she could even ask I said “And no I’m not going to tell you about it” she pouts “Come on Kell give me something to work with here, have you slept together?”. I don’t really want to share that piece of information, “No”

I knew it was a mistake the minute I said it, damn why did she have to be so nosy, and why did she have to know me so well, she takes my hands in hers and says “Kell, why are you trying to lie?” “I’m not, it’s the truth” she shakes her head and makes a tutting sound “Oh Kelley, who do you think you are talking to here, the question now is, why are you trying to lie? Was it bad?” “O my god Erin, could you stop with those kind of personal questions!”

“Oooo, that bad?” “No, it was good, really good, it was amazing, fantastic, and every other good word you can think of” “ I knew it I wanted to ask yesterday then the whole mom thing happened and I didn’t want to make things worse” this time it is my turn to smile. “What are you smiling at?” “If you had asked me yesterday the ‘no’ would have been the truth” her eyes widen “What! Really? No way!” 

“Could you shout it out louder Erin?” “Sorry, I just can’t believe you got it on yesterday after dinner with mom” “It’s not like it was planned, it just kind of happened” “That does not just kind of happen, give me something to work with” “Stop right there Erin, I’m not telling you anything unless you tell me why you are so interested in my love life all of a sudden” “I’m not, I just realised yesterday that we haven’t really talked in a while and I miss it” “So does that mean that I can ask about your love life too?” “If you want to, but we were busy talking about yours.”

When dinner is almost done I head out to the TV since I can hear it, I assume all of them would be there watching something so I am surprised when the only person there is Jerry. “Hey, why are you watching alone?” he points to the patio and I can see Kelley and Erin talking “They are having some kind of girl talk, I really don’t want to hear about that” “Oh ok, gotcha, well dinner is almost ready so you can head to the kitchen” “Great, I’m starving” he gets up and heads over, before he leaves he turns and says “I think this goes without saying but if you hurt my sister, you will have an O’Hara clan to deal with” he shrugs his shoulders “I like you, so just so you know, don’t hurt her” I’m a little taken aback but I still manage to reply with a “I’m not planning to”

I head out to the patio and knock on the glass door, it looks like they are having a serious conversation and I don’t want to disturb them the both turn around and Kelley smiles brightly at me, I open the door and say “Dinner is almost done, you can head to the kitchen” “Sure we’ll be right there” I smile and head back to the kitchen. “Hope do you think we can eat outside on the patio, it’s just so pretty outside” I had everything set up inside, but both Kelley and Erin were looking at me eagerly. “Yeah I guess, you guys just have to help me move everything outside” “On it” all three of them say in unison. Sometimes it is scary how in sync they are, even when they don’t spend that much time together.  
While sitting outside I am glad that they suggested it, it really is nice outside and it’s not cold or hot, just perfect, which is a little strange for this time of the year. And I’m glad to see how good it is going, I can’t remember the last time I laughed this much. “Anyone else wants some more wine?” Erin raises her glass “I would love some” Jerry then adds “I could go for a beer” “Yeah ok, Kell you want something?” “Just some water please” “O Kelley that is so boring, drink some wine with me” “I can’t, I drank too much yesterday already, I need to get rid of the alcohol” “Come on just one last night, you still have a month before your camp”

“Yeah, but I still have club games, I’m playing on Wednesday you know” “Please, just this once, we hardly get to hang out.” She looks at me trying to get out of this “How about one more glass for you” she looks like she wants to kill me “One more I promise” “Fine, one more.” I grab a beer from the fridge and I get some wine for Erin, I give Kelley some alcohol free wine, this way Erin will get off her back and she doesn’t really drink any alcohol.

I think Kelley is kind of mad at me for giving her some wine, but there is no way to tell her that it is alcohol free, without Erin finding out, I’ll just have to tell her later. Pretty soon they settle back into their conversation and I struggle to keep my eyes off Kelley, she looks so happy, I wish I could keep that smile on her face. I get lost in thought and when I come back again all three of them are staring at me, I sit up a bit straighter “What?” all three of them burst out laughing. 

When they finally stop she says “I am so glad to see we are so entertaining to you” “Hey, it has been a long day, and I have been cooking for a while, give me a break.” “Aaawww do you wanna go beddy-bye” “Wow Erin, that is such a nice way to say thanks to someone who cooked you dinner” “Ok ok, you are right I’m sorry that was unnecessary. Wine makes me really kind of mean, I am sorry.” “It’s ok, just no more wine for you ok” “Yeah ok”

They did their weird hug thing before her siblings left, and we stood at the door looking at them drive off; when Kelley turned to me she punched my shoulder “Ow, what was that for?” “The wine, one glass was enough, you know that” I laugh at her and she frowns. “I’m sorry, it’s just that I had no way of telling you, but that was non-alcoholic wine I gave you” “Really?” “Yeah, it was basically grape juice, I like to keep some around when I want some wine, but I can’t drink.”

I kiss her on the cheek, “You are amazing, you know that” “If you say so” “Thanks for tonight, it was great” “You’re welcome” I grab her hand and lead her to the bed, “Come on, I’ll give you a massage, I deserve it” “You don’t have to” “I know, but I want to” “Thank you” “So come on, take off your shirt” she smirks at me “Is this your way of trying to get me naked?” “No, besides if I want you naked I have a better way of doing that.”

I lay down on the bed and Kelley starts at my neck and shoulders, it feels really good I had no idea how tight I actually was. I close my eyes and start to relax, Kelley’s hands feel really good, and before I know it I make an uncharacteristic sound, “Did you just moan?” I can feel my face starting to heat up “Maybe” “I am pretty well known for my massaging skills, so I won’t hold it against you” she leans down her mouth now next to my ear.

“But this is the first time that has ever happened.” Her breath on my ear and shoulder sends a shiver down my spine, and my whole body erupts in goose bumps, she places a kiss between my shoulder blades and continues to massage me. When she is done I am completely relaxed and I feel tired I turn around and look at Kelley “That was the best massage I have ever received” she smiles at me and I lean up to kiss her.

She kisses me back and soon the tiredness I felt before is replaced by a different feeling, soon her shirt is also tossed to the ground, and I feel my heart beat increasing. I am totally lost in the moment, and for the time being I forget that she is leaving in a couple of hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long, I will try to update more regularly but I can't promise anything. Hope you enjoy this and as always feedback is appreciated.


	20. Camp

I woke up when I felt some movement from the bed and then I was hit with the smell of food, at first I only open my one eye and I can see Hope had set up a tray with food. I turn around completely and somehow I don’t knock over everything on the tray “What is this?” “Breakfast” “I can see that, but I lost the bet, I was supposed to make it, why did you?” she shrugs her shoulders “You were still sleeping and I was hungry, so I made some for the both of us”

I sit up straighter in bed and I pout a little, I wanted to make her something special and now I won’t get the chance to “What’s wrong? Don’t you like it?” “No, it’s not that, I just wanted to make something special for you.” “You can make it for me next time ok?” “Yeah, ok, but don’t you dare make breakfast the next time I am here” she holds her hands up in surrender “I promise”

Breakfast in bed was fun, I hadn’t really done it since I was a kid and my parents spoiled me with breakfast in bed when it was my birthday. But as the day wore on I could see Hope shoulders slowly move higher and higher, even if she was trying to keep whatever was bothering her from me, I had just finished packing the last things in my bag, it didn’t take long since I didn’t bring a lot of stuff with me. I knew she was watching me, even though she was acting like she was reading, so when I was done I waltzed over and sat down in her lap.

I ran my hands through her hair, I love the way it feels, “What’s wrong? I can practically see your mind racing” “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it” “I want to worry about it” she presses on the bridge of her nose then looks at me “Are you going to miss me?” “Of course I am, I always do” I don’t understand why she would even ask that. “Then how are you completely fine today? You are leaving today and I won’t get to see you for a couple of weeks, and you are just your happy normal self” now it makes sense “I’m not fine, I feel like crying, but I don’t want to cry because I had such a good time, I just keep thinking about the amazing time I had when I want to cry, and it makes me smile. You make me smile” I lean over to give her a kiss “Don’t ever doubt that”

I wrap my arms around her waist “You’re right, it was a good weekend…well longish weekend since you got here on Friday afternoon already” I look up and smile at her and she gives me another kiss, so I ask “Ok, so what is the last thing you want to do before you leave?” “Can it be anything?” “Anything” she nuzzles into my neck and says “Well this is pretty perfect” so I just sit there with Kelley in my lap and a racing heart in my chest thinking ‘This really is perfect’

On the way to the airport I can see that it is starting to get to her again, so I hold her hand and give it a light squeeze, she turns to look at me and I give her a smile, she smiles back, but it is not her usual smile. As soon as I see the airport I myself feel like crying and thinking about the weekend doesn’t seem to work right now because all I can think about is leaving and not being able to wake up with Hope next to me, not being able to touch her, or kiss her when I want to. I hold onto her hand a little tighter and she looks at me again, this time there is no smile from me, but she still smiles at me, and somehow it makes me feel just a little bit better.  
She carries my bag for me and just links her forefinger with mine, we said we would only hug at the airport since we didn’t want anyone else knowing about us, especially so close to the world cup, everyone had to stay focussed on the prize and not worry about anything else. At first I was a little upset that she kissed me goodbye at home and not in the airport like a normal couple, but I understood why she did it, even though she says it is about the team I know deep down it really isn’t, bur for today I will let it go.

She gives me one last smile before setting my bag down next to me and pulling me in for a tight hug, I inhale deeply trying to remember the smell, I know I’m going to miss it. “I’m going to miss you so much Kell” “I’m going to miss you too” I grab on for a little longer when I feel her start to loosen her grip, she hold me for a little longer and then says “I love you, but you have to go.” Tears are stinging my eye and my heart starts racing, I pull away and look at her “I love you too” she wipes some of the tears that have slipped from my eyes and smiles at me. “We’ll be ok, remember we can still talk everyday” I hug her again when I hear my flight being called “We will talk everyday” 

When I get past the gate I look back and she is still there looking at me, she sends a little wave and I wave back before heading to the plane thinking ‘This is going to be harder than I expected.’ When I get back home my roommates are there but I still feel lonely, the only person I really want there is Hope. I continue with my normal routine and soon the feeling of loneliness starts to lessen, mostly because I get to talk to Hope everyday just like we said we would, in the beginning it made me miss her more, but as time went on I realised that I will be seeing her again soon.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Some of us had arrived at the hotel already, the world cup was starting in a months’ time and we were all gathering for a camp in Austria before heading to Germany. I was sitting in the lobby talking with Carli; I was looking forward to seeing Kelley again. It has been a couple of weeks since we last saw each other, talking on the phone and skype was just not cutting it anymore I wanted to be able to touch her again, and I finally would be able to again, she just needed to get here.

“I even improved my time on my six mile run………” my eyes followed Kelley as she entered with Alex and Tobin; my ears filled with her laughter and voice, and suddenly I was on my feet and heading over to her completely forgetting about Carli. I felt like a predator stalking its prey, my eyes following Kelley’s every move, I didn’t hear or see anything else, but when I got close I felt a hand on my shoulder that turned me around. “Thanks so much for listening to me” 

I only realised then that I had left Carli in mid conversation “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise” “It’s alright, but you might want to tone down the lusty look right now, people might get the wrong idea.” “Ok, right.” No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stop looking, Carli sighed “There really is no point, just go say hi, and come back seriously it’s like I am talking to myself.” “I’m sorry I just haven’t seen her in a while” “Just go” “You’re the best Carls.”

“Hey there” I said while giving her a hug “Hey, I missed you” she whispered, I hugged her a little tighter “Missed you too” I inhaled deeply, her smell was intoxicating, I wished I could give her a kiss, but right now that was just out of the question. I heard someone clear their throat “You might want to greet us too” I let her Kelley go and smiled at Alex “Hi Alex, how are you?” she gave me a hug and said “I’ve been good. Good to see you again Solo” I let her go and Tobin gave me a hug “Hey Hope, good to see you” “Good to see you too Tobs” she frowned at me “Don’t call me that, I just saved your ass” “What are you talking about?” Tobin slightly tilts her head to the side “Megan was staring, so we had to stop your little love fest” “Love fest? It was a hug” “Looked like more from where I was standing” 

When I looked over Tobin’s shoulder I realised that Megan was looking at us again before quickly looking away. Even though I would much rather be talking to Kelley I don’t think I would be able to keep the smile form my face, so I thank Tobin before heading back to Carli. All the while feeling eyes on me, at first I want to look back, but I have a feeling it is Megan that is watching me and not Kelley, when I sit down next to Carli again I quickly glance back and sure enough Megan is looking at me and then she starts looking at Kelley. Megan may be many things but stupid is not one of them, and she is way too quick at picking up certain body language.

“That was quick I thought I was going to have to wait at least half an hour before I saw you again” “Megan started looking at us, and I just didn’t want to risk it” “Oh you better watch your back now, she’s like a dog with a bone, once she gets an idea in her head, she will keep at it” “I know” I brush my hand through my hair “This sucks, she is probably going to follow one of us all the time now, or want to ‘hang out’ more than usual.” Carli pats me on the shoulder, “You’ll still be able to hang out with Kelley” “Yeah, but not the way I want to” “Yeeeaah.... I don’t need to hear about that. And by the way I think Megan is already starting.” When I look over to Kelley sure enough Megan is there chatting up a storm, great just great.

At first I was pissed at Alex for interrupting our moment, but when she pointed out why she did it, I was thankful, I really do have great friends; the only problem now is that Megan suspects something. Almost as soon as Hope left she was by my side, which isn’t too strange, Megan talks to everyone, but this time I could see the suspicion in her eyes, or maybe it was just my own paranoia. After a little small talk she get’s right to it “So what did you do in Seattle after our game, I didn’t see you at the post match dinner” I was so relieved my parents live in Seattle too “Oh, I had dinner with my parents, sort of like a goodbye dinner, since I won’t be able to spend a lot of time with them till after the world cup.”  
“Your parents went to watch you play in Seattle, that’s kind of far from Georgia” “My parents live in Seattle” “What? I thought you were from Georgia?” “We lived in Georgia till I was about sixteen, then we moved to Seattle, my parents are still there. I go occasionally to visit them” “I didn’t know that” “Yeah” she suddenly brings her hand to her forehead in an aha moment “That’s how you knew Hope and Carli then” “Yeah, they lived pretty close to our house when we first moved.” “That makes so much sense now, I thought you two were dating when she gave you a hug the first time you came to camp. You were the second person I saw her hug, and we all know Carli doesn’t go that way” I can only laugh at that “I missed you Pinoe.” I actually think that Megan doesn’t suspect anymore since she thought we were dating from the first time I came to camp, and now she has an alternative reason for why Hope and I are so close.

By now everyone has arrived and Pinoe has gone off with Lori, to do who knows what, but they sure make the camps fun. We were all called together to get our room assignments, I was rooming with Tobin and Hope was with Carli, at first I was a little excited by the idea of possibly rooming with Hope, and when I got Tobin I wasn’t that happy, but now I realise that it is better this way. I would probably find it hard to focus on soccer if I was rooming with Hope, and the good thing is that both Tobin and Carli know that Hope and I are more than friends, so they wouldn’t mind giving us some space. Just like I wouldn’t mind giving Tobin and Alex some space.  
The trainings were hard and we were doing a lot of double days, I was so thankful for our recovery times in the pool, not only did the water feel great for my aching muscles but I got to see Kelley in shorts and a sports bra, which is always a welcome sight. And I was glad that Megan seemed to have found something else to do instead of following us around, Kelley told me about their conversation and it made me feel more secure that she wouldn’t try to catch us doing something, which meant that we could actually have a little freedom to spend some time together and not worry about bumping into Pinoe. 

I was also glad that Kelley’s room was right across from mine, it was much easier to sneak into someone’s room when you didn’t have to go very far. Even though it was really nice to be able to see Kelley so much it was also torture, I couldn’t just hold her hand after practice or give her a quick kiss when I felt like it, and the worst thing was probably not being able to wake up next to her, but that was just out of the question. Even though I am the one who wants to keep our relationship from the team, at least for now, I feel like Kelley also doesn’t want the extra attention, everyone loves Kelley, but I’m a different story.

I was sipping on my coffee enjoying the peace and quiet while I still had it; I didn’t even hear her walking up behind me “Hey there cutie” I sputtered on my coffee while spinning around “What are you doing?” “What? No one is even awake yet, except for you” I smile “And you, but still you never know who could be around” she sigh and sits down next to me “I miss you” “I’m right here” “It’s not the same, I miss being with you, I miss seeing your smile, I miss holding your hand, I even miss your food.” I turn to her and take her hand in mine “I miss holding your hand too” I was kind of shocked that I took her hand but the smile she gives me is worth it, I don’t even care if anyone sees us right now.

After practice I go to her room and after a few kisses we end up cuddled on the bed, my head is on her shoulder and her hand is lazily running up and down my hip, I feel so relaxed and happy that I don’t want to bring up the conversation, but I need to know “Do you know when you want to tell the team? About us” she smiles “I don’t know yet, but I don’t think we should do it before the world cup, maybe after?” “Maybe after, or after” “Does it really matter?” “Yes I don’t want to keep sneaking around” “If you want to, we can tell them after” “I’m not the one who is hesitant to tell them, you are, so you have to tell me when you are ready.” She gives me a hug “After this morning, I don’t really care so much anymore, but I don’t want to have the team talking about us, instead of focusing on the game. We can tell them after the world cup” “Are you sure?” “Yeah I’m sure”

I lean down an kiss her before pulling away “I don’t want you to feel like you have to do it” “I don’t feel like that at all, I love you and if you want to tell them, we can tell them.” That upset me a little I didn’t want her to do something for me I want her to do it because she is ready “Don’t do it for me, do it for you” she sits up “I am doing it for me” “It doesn’t sound like it” “Listen to me, I want to tell them because it will make you happy, but I also want to tell them because it brings me a step closer to the person you see, and the person I want to be.” I am at a loss for words; I don’t know what to say, “Uhm” is all that escapes my lips; she smiles and says “I can’t believe that is all I get.”

I lean over and kiss her, I feel like she is still too far away and I pull her closer my arms wrap around her neck and I throw my one leg over her legs so I am straddling her. Her arms go around my waist and they stay there for a while before she moves them lower, until she is holding my butt with both of her hands. She is still sitting upright so I lean down harder forcing her to lie down, at first she resist but soon she gives up and lies down. I move my hands and I’m now cupping her face, kissing her passionately, she moans and it makes me want her even more. When she squeezes my butt I totally lose control; and my hands starts to move down her abdomen, I kiss her jaw line and she lifts her head slightly, giving me more access to her neck. 

I kiss her pulse point and I lick it from her collar to right under her jaw, her hands are roaming over my body and I feel my heart racing, my entire body erupts in goose bumps and then the door opens. She sits up so quick that I nearly fall but she grabs me and holds me close to her. Carli’s hands fly to her eyes and she turns around facing the door, “Really! You could have given me a warning.” “Sorry” is all both of us get out, “I should probably go anyway, it’s getting late” “Yeah, that would be a good idea, it’s a good thing I didn’t bring someone with me, what were you thinking?” My cheeks are burning red now and I feel really embarrassed “I’m sorry Carli, it won’t happen again” “It better not”

Before I leave she grabs my hand and pulls me to her, she gives me a quick kiss and I can completely forget what just happened “I’ll see you tomorrow, have a good night” “Yeah, good night” when I pass Carli she gives me look and I feel embarrassed again “Night Carli” “Good night Kelley.” When I get back to my room I feel like I need a shower, thankfully Tobin isn’t here. When I get out of the shower I feel a lot better even though I can’t keep the smile from my face, it has been far too long since I kissed her like that, my lips start tingling when I think about it. 

“Would you calm down Carli, it’s not that bad” “Not that bad, what if someone was with me, what would you have said then” “Ok, maybe I would have been upset, but nothing happened so relax” “You know you can’t do that, the whole team already knows about Tobin and Alex because they can’t be quiet, do you want that?” I look at her and the words coming out of my mouth surprise me a little but I know it is the truth “I don’t really seem to care that much” “Well maybe you should since this can change the whole team dynamic” “Don’t worry we aren’t going to tell them before the world cup” “Good, I want that trophy, and people losing focus is the last thing I want” “Yes sir, can I go take a shower now?” “What? Am I your mother?” She laughs at me “Just be carefull next time ok?” “Ok, thanks Carli"

I was so lost in thought that I didn’t even hear Tobin coming in “What’s with the look” “Uh, what?” she leans closer and smiles “Did someone have a good time?” I smile and blush a little “I had a good time, but not what you are thinking!” she laughs at me “Dude, why are you blushing then?” “Almost ok, almost” “Aww where the goalies hands too sore from practice” I give her a soft wack on the arm “No, she has a roommate remember” she laughs harder “Yeah Carli is quite the romance killer” “Tell me about it. Wait how was your night?” she gives me her trademark smile, that almost seems too big for her face “It was awesome, I think Alex’s and I need to give you guys some tips” I act disgusted and say “You could have told me before I touched you” “Don’t worry dude, I already took a shower” she gives me a wink and I just groan “What happened to the Tobin I knew” she looks me straight in the eyes and says “She fell in love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken a while. I kind of feel that this could be better but I don't know how so just take it as it is. I hope you enjoy the chapter and feel free to leave a comment (Even if it is to say that you think this sucks)


	21. Sorting out some issues

The feeling of her lips against my skin was driving me wild, her hands run up the sides of my body, taking my hands in hers and lifting them above my head. She kisses up the side of my neck, and when she reaches my ear she nibbles it softly, I can feel my heart racing, goose bumps erupting all over. I wrap my legs around her waist and pull her closer, unconsciously moving my hips against hers; she pulls away, still holding my hands above my head, and she just looks at me for a few seconds I lift my head to hers and try to kiss her but she doesn’t let me, I frown a little and lie back down.

“What’s wrong?” she doesn’t say anything she just looks at me, I try to get closer to her again, but still she just looks at me “Kelley, what’s wrong?” she slowly starts pulling further and further away, I try to hold on to her, to keep her close but it only seems to make things worse. “Kelley! Kelley!” nothing seems to be working, she just gets further and further away, I start running after her, but again she just gets further and further away, no amount of yelling seems to be helping.

I am woken up by Carli shaking me; I can feel the sweat sticking to my skin and my heart beating wildly in my chest. “Are you ok?” I shake my head “Yeah……yeah, it was just a nightmare…… I’m ok.” “Are you sure? I’ve never seen you do that before” “Yeah…. I haven’t had a nightmare in a really long time……..Let’s just go back to sleep ok?” “Yeah, ok sure.” I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night, I kept thinking about the dream, it felt so real, I can still remember her touch, her smell; I can remember how afraid I was. No matter how hard I tried to go back to sleep, it was just impossible, I gave up trying at around 4 am and decided that going for a run might actually help.

I leaved the room as quietly as I could and when I got out into the hall, I put my earphones on and headed to the elevator. At first I headed to the gym in the hotel, but when I saw the treadmill I had no desire to get on it, so I headed outside. It was still a little dark, and the air was a little cold, but not as bad as back in Seattle. I didn’t pay attention to where I was going and pretty soon I didn’t know where I was, I was breathing heavily since I was running faster than normal, lost in thought, and now I was looking around me trying to figure out where I was and how to get back. I tried backtracking, but I didn’t pay enough attention to get it right, thankfully I did have my phone with me, at first I wanted to call Carli, but then I realised that I didn’t know where I was and the only person who actually knew anything about Germany was Ali.

By some amazing coincidence I had Ali’s phone number, so I called her instead; I was met by a groggy “Hello?” “Hey Ali, sorry to wake you up, but I need your help” “Uhm, sure, what is up” I could hear the sleepiness in her voice but I am thankful that she is willing to help. “I am kind of lost, I went for a run and now I don’t know how to get back” I hear some rustling and then she replies “It’s freaking five in the morning. Why the hell are you outside…..running” “I couldn’t sleep, do you think you can help me?” “I can try, what do you see, maybe I know where you are” after looking around and telling her about everything I saw, she said she thought she knew where I was.

“Walk to the corner where the flower shop is, if you look to your left there should be a bus stop and next to it a kind of taxi park, there should be a taxi there” I jog to the corner and sure enough there is a bus stop with a taxi parked right there “You are right there is a taxi” “Get in it and I’ll give him the name of the hotel” I jog to the taxi, get in and put the phone on speaker “Ok Ali, you are on speaker now.” She speaks in German to the taxi driver, he nods his head and soon he is speeding off, I take the phone off speaker “Thanks Ali, I appreciate it” “Yeah, just get me coffee and an explanation and we will be even” “Uhm, ok, I’ll talk to you later. And Ali, please don’t tell anyone” “I have no idea what you are talking about” “Thanks.” I didn’t need the team to think I was losing it two days before the start of the world cup.

I feel so good when I wake up, although a little frustrated with the way things ended last night, at first I don’t want to get up, but I know I have to if I want a chance to talk to Hope. I drag myself out of bed and head for the bathroom, I splash some water on my face trying to wake me up, it helps, I brush my teeth to get rid of my morning breath, and then I get dresses. When I get into the elevator I have a smile on my face, I know when I get downstairs Hope will already be there sipping her coffee and probably having some ready for me too. I practically dance into the room, but I am stopped in my tracks when I see Hope sitting, and chatting with Ali. They seem to be in a deep conversation, neither having noticed me, I am a little upset that I won’t get my time with her this morning, but I guess it is a good thing that she is talking with someone other than Carli, Alex and Tobin.  
I grab a cup of coffee and head over to sit with them, just because we won’t be alone doesn’t mean that I am going to sit by myself, “Good morning you two” Hope seems to jump a little at my voice, while Ali gives her trademark smile. “You are up early this morning Ali” “Yeah, I couldn’t sleep, guess the anticipation is getting to me” I glance over at Hope and she seems to have been up for hours, her eyes are really red and she looks tired “You couldn’t sleep either Hope?” “Yeah, I’ve been awake for a while.” I sit down and there is an awkward silence for a while, and surprisingly Hope is the one who breaks it, we sit and chat while the room slowly fills with the rest of our teammates.

When I get out on the field for practice I feel exhausted, the sun seems too bright and I feel like I have no energy. I try my best but I know I am doing terrible, Paul keeps yelling at me for making stupid mistakes, but I just can’t think straight. I can see the looks that the other keepers are giving me, but no one says anything, when we have a water break before a small scrimmage Ali jogs up to me. From the corner of my eye I can see Kelley looking over, but I don’t make eye contact, I act as if I didn’t see her looking “Hey, you might want to get your head in the game, Paul looks like he is ready to chase you off the field” I sigh “I am trying, I am just too tired, I barely slept last night” “Yeah I know since I had to save you. But it was just a nightmare right?” “Yeah, it just felt real” “Come on, you are Hope Solo, nothing fazes you. Get your head in the game, I hate losing”

Hope is acting weird today and I don’t know why, I would have asked her myself, but she is talking to Ali again so I go with my next best option, Carli. “Hey” she gives me a look that tells me she is still upset about last night “Listen I just wanted to apologize for last night again, I promise it won’t happen again” I make a cross over my heart. “That is none of my business, I don’t want to hear….or see it, ok” “Promise. Do you know what is up with Hope; she is acting kind of weird.” Again she gives me a look and I feel like a little kid who is being scolded “How should I know, why don’t you go ask her” I point over my shoulder “She seems to be busy with Ali” I sigh, and Carli smirks at me “What, are you jealous already?” “No, I just don’t want to interrupt” she squirts some more water into her mouth and says “Just get over it and talk to her, maybe she will play better after talking to you”  
Carli is right I can talk to Hope when I want to, it shouldn’t matter that she is talking to someone else, but it does, I don’t know how to casually talk to her when someone is around that doesn’t know about us, maybe I should just talk to her later. I head over to Alex and Tobin who were devouring each other with their eyes, “Hey, stop that, there are people around” “Stop what?” “We have no idea what you are talking about” “O please, you are having…..like……eye sex right now, or whatever you call it” “We are not doing anything of the sort” I rub my neck and before saying anything again “Have you guys noticed that Hope has been acting weird” “Acting weird how?” they say in unison, before looking at each other and laughing. “Urg could you stop that, it is making me nauseous” they shove me at the same time and I take a few steps back “Sorry, but it is true, everyone can see you, and you are sickly sweet to each other, I wouldn’t be surprised if more people know about you” “We aren’t that obvious are we?” “Like I said eye sex” 

“Shut up you dork” “Yeah, shut up” “Hope is acting weird today” “So go talk to her” “She is talking to Ali” “So?” “How do I ask her what is wrong without sounding like her girlfriend?” Tobin slings her arm around my shoulder and turns me around towards Hope. “That is why you have us. Come on Alex, let’s get rid of Ali” “How?” “Oh you know, just talk about a certain blonde keeper and I’m sure we will have her attention” Alex high fives Tobin “Nicely done Tobs.” She just smiles that smile of hers, without the usual retort of ‘Don’t call me that’ and I finally see how in love Tobin really is. When I look at Alex, her smile matches Tobin’s, but for some reason I don’t see the same affection, and it scares me a little.  
“Hey there Hope” when she turns her head to look at us Alex blurts out “Whoa, what the hell happened to you” I can see Hope tense up and her shoulders starts to creep up. She frowns at Alex and retorts “I couldn’t sleep ok?!” Alex raises her hands in defence and says “Sorry, but you look like shit, I feel like someone should tell you” I feel like punching Alex in the face for saying that but Ali beat me to it “What the hell Alex, she’s just tired.” This strange feeling goes through me and I feel like Ali just took something from me, I feel angry at Alex for saying what she said, and I feel sad that I can’t just say what I want to.

The strangest expression crosses Kelley’s face, but when she finally looks at me I can see sadness in her eyes, I instantly feel bad and I want to give her a hug, but my common sense is overriding my instinctual reaction so I just sit there looking at her, trying to show her that I want to know what is wrong without saying anything. It looks like Ali, Alex and Tobin are deep in conversation, so I stand up and take a seat a few steps away, Kelley follows and she sits next to me, I have this giant urge to hug her, but again I cannot seem to do it. She whispers out a “Hey” and I smile at her before replying “Hi” she doesn’t look at me instead she turns her head to the group and my heart drops a little “What’s wrong?” she turns her head to look at me and says “Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing” “I’m just tired, I didn’t sleep well last night” “Is it because of the tournament?” at first I didn’t want to tell her, but I know what the dream means, I just feel like she will be disappointed in me.

“No, it has nothing to do with the tournament” “Then why couldn’t you sleep?” “Because of you” she sits up straighter “What did I do?” she smiles at me and I know that she is thinking of something else “I don’t know if I am ready to tell them” her face falls a little. “Wha..What are you talking about?” “I just don’t think I am ready….yet” she stands up quickly “You wanted to tell them, without me saying anything, now you think it will be a bad idea?” “It’s not a bad idea, I just don’t feel ready, I had a nightmare last night” “So, what does that matter?” “I haven’t had one since I was a kid, I haven’t been this afraid since I was a kid.” Her face changes immediately and I feel bad once again; I look away not wanting to see that look on her face.

My heart beaks when she says that, her childhood was horrible and now, having to tell the team is causing her so much pain, I sit back down but she doesn’t turn to look at me she keep staring off into the distance. I want to take her hand, give her a hug or a kiss on the head, just anything to make her feel better, “We don’t have to tell them if you’re not ready” she sighs before slowly turning towards me “Telling them isn’t the real problem, it’s what it means when we tell them” I look at her confused “What do you mean” “When we tell them, about this” she points between us “It will be real, it will be official.” Now I can feel myself get angry “So you don’t want it to be official?” “No, no that’s not it, I’m just scared of what it means to be together with everyone knowing” I don’t understand what she is trying to tell me, but our water break is over and there is no time to continue “We’ll talk about this later ok?” “Yeah, sure”

The scrimmage goes better than I would have thought, I was more aware and quicker to react than before, Ali pats me on the back and says “There is the keeper I know” I smile and say “I wonder what happened to my defender, she was doing so good until that last play” she scoffs at me “You should be more specific with which defender you are talking about, you have more than one you know” she laughs at me before turning around and jogging away “What kind of keeper would I be if I didn’t know that” I yell after her, she just waves her hand not even turning around to look at me. I can only shake my head and smile, when I turn my head I can see Kelley looking at me she shakes her head and suddenly I feel like I did something wrong.

I send a text to Kelley asking her if she wanted to come to my room or if I should go to hers, after a few minutes of staring at my phone and not getting a reply I get impatient and call her. I start to worry when she doesn’t answer her phone, where could she be everyone should be in the hotel, the world cup starts in two days. I head for the door when I realise that Kelley has a roommate, I text Tobin to see if she knows where Kelley is. The reply I get is strange all it says is ‘shower’, I frown down at my phone. “What’s wrong with your face?” “What?” I look up to see Carli looking at me “Nothing’s wrong with my face” “Then why does it look like that?” “Like what?” “Like someone just told you your cat died, your cat didn’t die did it?” “No, it’s just a weird text from Tobin” “Mmmmm trouble in paradise already?” “No? I.....I don’t think so, maybe.” Carli sighs before sitting down on her bed “What did you do?” “Why do you assume it was me that did something wrong?” “Because Kelley asked me why you were acting so weird” “She did?” “Yeah so come on, tell me what is up”

“I think you are over-reacting” “You didn’t see them Tobin, they were flirting” “Come on, Hope only has eyes for you” “Not at practice she didn’t” “Kelley. Ali is a defender she has to talk to Hope” “Not like that. And it wasn’t just on the field, when I went down for our usual coffee, Ali was there and they didn’t even notice me at first” “Well you can be sneaky, maybe Ali woke up early and found Hope downstairs” “So what, she just started talking to her, you know hardly anyone just starts a conversation with Hope” “Yeah, but Ali is kinda new to the team, and she is really nice.” If looks could kill, Tobin would have been dead right now “I don’t care if she is nice” I hear my phone going off and when I see it is a text from Hope I just throw my phone on the bed, “I’m going to go take a shower.” Tobin glances at my phone “Aren’t you going to reply?” “Not right now, I’ll talk to her later” “Kelley? Just talk to her” I grab some clothes and as I go to the bathroom Alex comes into the room, and Tobin could care less about my problems now, I sigh, why couldn’t we have that?  
When I get out of the shower I see that Hope has called me twice and that she has sent another text, I feel a little bad for not getting back to her immediately but I am still angry at her, why was she flirting with Ali and ignoring me? Since there is no sign of Tobin and Alex I tell Hope to come over to my room, we won’t be bothered for a while I assume. It feels like I just sent the text when there is a knock on the door, “The door is open” when she enters the room she looks guilty which makes me even angrier, “What did you do?” “What? Nothing” “Then why do you have that look on your face?” “I don’t think I did anything, but that doesn’t explain why you are mad at me, so I guess I did do something” “You guess you did something? Why are you even here then?” she straightens up a bit “We have to finish our talk from this afternoon, and I want to know what I did” “Why don’t you think about it for a while, I’m sure you will figure it out, I mean what kind of girlfriend would you be if you didn’t know that”

When I hear those words, I am even more confused “This is about Ali?” “Who else would it be about?” she narrows her eyes at me “Have you been flirting with other people too?” Flirting, what the hell was she talking about? “What are you talking about, I wasn’t flirting?” “Then what were you doing?” “I was being friendly” “Why? You never were before?” “Yeah, well I didn’t have a girlfriend before” I say raising my voice slightly, when I look at her I see a hurt expression “A girlfriend who I really, really love” I add in a whisper she just looks at me “Then why are you scared?”

I sit down on the bed and motion for her to come and sit down; I push some hair out of my face and turn to look at her “I’m scared because I love you so much” “That doesn’t make sense to me, what scares you?” “I’m scared of telling everyone, and then losing you” “Why would you lose me?” “Because….you are too good for me, and if everybody keeps telling you that, I’m scared that you will leave” she cups my face “I’m not going to leave, I’m not too good for you, and nobody is going to change my mind.” I pull her in for a hug, “Promise me we will always talk about what is bothering us” “I promise she whispers” I smile “Now tell me why you are really upset with Ali”

“I’m upset that you would be talking to her and ignoring me” “I was just scared to tell you what was going on” “Well you can’t be scared anymore, you have to tell me everything that is bothering you” “Then I should probably also tell you that Ali helped me this morning” “Helped you with what!?” “I got a little lost this morning, so I called Ali and she helped me” “Why didn’t you call me, I could have helped you” “What could you have done, you wouldn’t have known where I was” “How did you get a hold of Ali anyway?” “I called her” “When did you get her number?” “She gave it to me, the first day we met” “Why did she do that?” I can feel myself getting angry again, why was she giving her number to Ali “She said something about wanting to have everyone’s number since she was new” “She didn’t ask me for my number” “Maybe she just didn’t have a chance yet, have you even talked to Ali before today?” “No”

When I see Kelley getting angry again, it finally dawns on my that she is angry because she is jealous, I don’t want to say anything, since I don’t want her to get even madder at me “See, there you go, she will probably get around to it” “I still don’t like it” “I promise I only see Ali as a friend” “You better” when Kelley adds that joke I know she isn’t that mad anymore “Now can I get a kiss?” She sighs, but she has a huge smile on her face “I suppose so” I smile and lean in closer, just before I reach her lips I say “You don’t have to be jealous” my lips just touch hers when she pushes me away “I’m not jealous” I cock my head to the side “Then what would you call it?”

When she says that I realise that she is hit the nail on the head, I am jealous of Ali, I pull her towards me and kiss her, soon I feel the need for air and when we pull apart I say “I guess you are not the only one who is afraid” this time she pulls me towards her and kisses me when we pull apart she says “You don’t need to be afraid, there is no one for me but you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is a little shorter than the rest, but I have some drama in store in the next couple of chapters. Hope you enjoyed the chapter, and as always feel free to tell me what you thought.


	22. Quarter final

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for taking so long to update, life just got a little busy and I didn't have time to write, I will have a little more free time the next couple of weeks so hopefully there will be more updates soon.

Everything was going well till the Sweden match, we were winning on the field, we were confident, and Hope and I seemed to be at a peaceful place. Then we had our match against Sweden at everything seemed to go wrong, we lost the match, we lost a lot of our confidence and I lost my temper with Hope.

It started right after we lost; I was giving a Swedish player a congratulatory handshake when I heard “Hopey” I turned towards Hope and some Swedish player had jumped on her wrapping her legs around her waist. I felt the rush of blood to my face, and my heart started racing again, to me it felt like the ‘hug’ lasted five minutes; but it most likely did not. I slowly made my way over only to realise that they were speaking Swedish to each other, somehow this made me so angry, why would they need to speak Swedish? They ignored everyone and kept talking while walking of the pitch, the look on Hope’s face wouldn’t have told you that she had just lost a match in the world cup.

In the locker room I couldn’t see Hope anywhere, she is probably still with the Swedish player. This made me even angrier than I was and it must have shown cause Tobin comes over and says “Don’t worry too much Kell, we’re still in it, just not at the top” I shrug her hand off my shoulder and say “I’m going to go take a shower” she looks shocked but let’s me go to the showers. I start to feel really bad about the way I treated Tobin, I quickly wash my hair before rushing out to get dressed. The locker room is almost empty with everyone in the showers, everyone but Hope who is only now heading to the showers “What took you so long?” the tone of my voice even kind of startles me, she stops her movements completely “What’s wrong? Did something happen?” 

“Other than us losing the match? No nothing else” she tilts her head when she looks at me “What’s wrong Kell?” “Nothing!” it looks like she is having an internal battle with herself, “I know something is bothering you, I’m going to take a shower now and we can talk about this back at the hotel” “There is nothing to talk about” “Of course not” she heads over to the showers and right before she rounds the corner she stops and walks back a bit before saying “I will find out what is bothering you so you might as well just decide now how you want to tell me” and she walks back to the showers. Her confidence, which I usually love, suddenly irritates me and I start drying my hair roughly, “Whoa, what did your hair do to deserve that?” “Huh?” “If you were a boxer, and your hair was a bag, you would be punching it right now” “It’s nothing” “O please Kelley, I don’t need to be a mind reader to see you are upset about something, what’s up?” “I don’t want to talk about it right now Alex. Where is Tobin?” I try and change the subject “She’s still in the shower, should be out soon. So why are you so upset, it can’t be about the game” “And why not?” “Because we lost, but we aren’t going home yet” “Just don’t worry about it Alex it has nothing to do with you” “When something upsets my best friend this much, it has something to do with me” 

I rush through my shower, I don’t even bother washing my hair I just rinse it out, before drying myself off and getting dressed, all the while looking for Kelley. I don’t know why but I feel like she is mad at me and I don’t understand what I did, I can’t think of anything. I go through the game wondering if I said something during the game that might have upset her, but then I get angry at myself for even thinking that Kelley would take anything I say during a match personally. All that happened after the match were a few hugs and then…..Lotta. She is mad at me because of Lotta; that is all it can be; I blow out a breath feeling relieved that it isn’t anything serious. When I get to the bus and I see Kelley I wonder if it really is about Lotta since she looks pretty miserable. 

At first Carli tries talking to me, but I can’t focus on the conversation my attention, and eyes, keep wandering to Kelley. She is talking to Alex, which is a good thing, I hope, I just wish I knew what they were talking about, since it looks like Alex is agreeing with her. It feels like two seconds have passed but we are already at the hotel. When I get off the bus Kelley and Alex are gone, I head over to the elevator but still no Kelley or Alex, I sigh and I get on to head to the fifth floor. I drop my bags in my room and cross the hall to knock on Kelley’s door, I wait a bit but I hear nothing, I knock again and wait but still nothing. When I turn around Tobin is heading towards me “What’s up Hope” she gives me her casual greeting “Uh nothing, I was just looking for Kelley, guess she isn’t here” “Come on in, you can wait for her here, and in the mean time we can hang out.” I shake my head, “Thanks Tobs, but it is important and it can’t wait. If you see her tell her I’m looking for her” “Ok, sure”

“Am I being crazy Alex?” “I think you are maybe over reacting, I understand that you don’t want another girl hanging on your girlfriend, but nothing really happened” “I know which is why I feel like such an idiot about the whole thing, why did it make me so mad when she hugged her?” “To me it looks like you don’t trust her, why?” “I don’t know Alex! She hasn’t done anything to make me think that she will do anything to hurt me. She’s done the opposite actually; she keeps telling me that she won’t hurt me” “Why don’t you believe her then?” “I don’t know, is there something wrong with me?” “There is nothing wrong with you. Maybe you should go talk to her and find out what is actually wrong” “How can I talk to her when I don’t know why I am so angry and why I’m so jealous” “Maybe she can help you with that. I’m not in the relationship with you, Hope is and she may see or know something that I don’t” “Do you think so?” “From what you have told me she didn’t do anything wrong, the way you explain it, she would have reason to be jealous of us, and we aren’t doing anything.”

I get a call and am relieved to see that it is Kelley “Hey” “Hi” from the sound of her voice I can hear that she is sad, “Where are you?” “I’m heading to your room, meet me there?” “Yeah of course, I’ll meet you there” “Ok.” I rush up to my room and find Kelley in the hallway waiting; I silently pray that Carli is not in our room right now. I breathe out a sigh of relief when our room is empty and I move so Kelley can walk into the room, I can feel my palms start to sweat, I don’t know why I am so nervous, I didn’t do anything wrong. “Do you want something to drink? I think we have some water in the fridge” “Yeah sure” I walk over to get two bottles of water so I have something to do with my hands. I hand her the bottle and just as I start to talk so does she, we laugh and look at each other for a little while.

“I want to go first” I can see her relax a little bit “I know you are mad at me because of Lotta and I’m sorry, but I didn’t really do anything. Yes we dated, but we aren’t together anymore; and she was a part of my life when things were really hard for me. You can’t just expect me to ignore her.” “I know and I am really sorry. I have no reason to be mad at you, I just had this flash of jealousy, and I think I am angrier at myself than I was at you.” I sit down on the bed and she sits next to me “Why did you get jealous? Did I do something?” “No, you didn’t, that’s what’s making me so angry; I don’t know why I got jealous. I’m sorry” she isn’t looking at me and her shoulders are slumped, I reach around to put my hand on the side of her face, and I slowly turn her face to mine. She looks so sad, and it hurts me to see her so sad “What’s wrong Kelley?”

I feel like crying and the look on her face makes it even worse, “I’m scared, I keep feeling like you are going to leave” “Why?” “I don’t know, I feel like you aren’t mine, like you can walk away and nothing will be different for you” I can’t look at her when I say this, I didn’t even realise I felt like this until she asked me. She herself looks shocked “Did I do something wrong? Why would you think that?” “No, you aren’t the problem, it’s me; I don’t know why I feel like this?” “Did somebody say something?” “I don’t know; I just saw you out there today with her; and for some reason I felt like you weren’t mine, like there is a part of you that I don’t know, and she does.” She frowns when she looks at me and says “But she did know a part of me that you will never know because it doesn’t exist anymore. She knew the part of me that was angry, that didn’t want to take responsibility for anything, she knew the part of me that ran away from her problems, but I’m not that person anymore, I’m not angry anymore, and I’m not running away from anything anymore. And I am all yours” she pulls me in for a hug “We can tell them if you want to, I don’t care anymore”

When she pushes me back to look at me she asks “Why doesn’t it bother you anymore?” “Because it can make you this upset and nothing is worth making you this upset” she smiles at me and pulls me towards her “Sometimes you say the right things” “Only sometimes?” “Only sometimes.” We sit there holding each other for a while. I like the way her smell starts creeping into my senses and the only thing I can think about is how good she feels against me. “We should probably head to dinner now” she just hums, not moving a muscle, I smile, but even though this feels good I am starving “Come on Kell, I’m starving” this time she laughs at me “Usually I’m the one that is starving. Come on then, I can’t have you going hungry, we have a big game coming up.” She pulls me into a standing position and gives me a quick kiss, “I bet I can beat you downstairs” just as she has turned around I grab her around the waist, she keeps struggling but I pull her back towards me “How about we just show up together.” Her movements stop instantly and she straightens up “Sure, why not”

I gently take her hand in mine while we walk to the elevator, she smiles at me, then glances at our hands and her smile grows wider, I feel relieved I was thinking that she wouldn’t take my hand in hers “Are you really sure about this, we don’t have to do this” “I’m sure.” On the way down my heart rate increases a little I’m nervous and excited, I’m not sure which one is dominant, but right now I don’t really care that much. When we get closer to the doors of the dining hall I can hear people talking and the sound of forks and knives scraping against plates, my heart jumps into my throat this is it. Hope opens the door and we walk in hand in hand, nobody seems to notice and I feel a little relieved, we get in line still holding hands but neither of us say anything, I think we are both just waiting for the bomb to drop. We hold hands for as long as we can but we eventually have to let go to hold our plates and scoop up our food, without saying a word we both head for the same table.

We sit down not looking at each other or the people around us, we just eat our food and sit in silence, Alex is the first to speak “What’s wrong with the two of you, you both have this guilty look on your faces” before we can even reply Carli says “What did I say about doing things in our room?” the only person who seems to find this funny is Tobin, who is chuckling away, trying not to choke on the food she has in her mouth. Hope is the first to reply “We didn’t do anything in the room princess, I promise” “Then what is with your faces, and why aren’t you talking to each other?” “Are you mad at each other?” “No” I say quickly “And why did you come in holding hands?” My head shoots up and I look at Alex “You saw that?” “Yeah, I think everybody saw that” “They did?” “Yeah” I glance and Hope and she glances at me “Was that the whole idea?” I just shake my head not trusting my voice right now.

I feel a hand clap down my shoulder, before I can see who it is, Megan’s head appears in my peripheral vision “Well this is a surprise” “What is” “That it took you so long to tell us. I feel a little offended, why didn’t you tell me before?” “Uhm, well” “We didn’t want to take the focus off the world cup” Hope replies before I can say anything. “Well that’s stupid; I had a bet going that you would be dating before the end of the first camp.” “Well you still lost the bet” Tobin says “They only started dating after the camp” “Please I’m not talking about being official; I’m talking about when the chemistry started.” This time it is Alex that replies “Well then you won the bet” “That means you two owe me money.”  
I can’t wrap my head around the fact that pretty much everyone knew about what was going on between us even if they acted like they didn’t “Hang on a second, you knew?” “We aren’t blind Kelley” “And you don’t care?” “Why would we? After these two” she points at Alex and Tobin “It really doesn’t matter. You may want to talk to the coaches. I’m sure they will appreciate you telling them” “You think?” “Yeah!” and she starts walking back to her table gyrating her hips. I can feel my face burning, but she does have a good point we should go talk to the coaches “After dinner?” Hope asks; I shake my head “Yes.”

I feel really nervous as the elevator goes up I become more anxious, my legs feel like jelly and it feels like my entire body is shaking so much that anyone would be able to see it, I move a little closer to Kelley hoping that her presence will calm me down. When the door opens on the right floor my heart skips a beat and we start walking to Pia’s room, Kelley grabs my hand she looks at me and she smiles. It makes me feel better, but I still feel uneasy, this could be good or bad and I have no idea what to expect, “What’s the worst that could happen, Alex and Tobin are still here right?” she said as if she is reading my mind, she did have a point, but Alex and Tobin may be together but they aren’t technically together. As far as I know they haven’t told the coaches, or walked hand in hand into a team dinner so there is also that, there is a difference between ‘knowing’ and actually knowing “Yeah, what is the worst that can happen.”

When we got into the room it felt like Pia was the godfather, she was sitting in a chair and she gestured for us to sit down. We both sit down not saying a word and she just looks at us, as calm as can be, after a while she asks “Are you going to tell me what this is about?” I want to say something but my mouth is completely dry and for some reason I can’t seem to form sentences, thankfully I am not the only one there and Kelley takes over, I don’t know how she looks and sounds so calm but she does and I am grateful. “Hope and I want to tell you that we are in a relationship, we wanted to tell you in person.” “I appreciate that, but don’t you think it would have been better to come to me before dinner instead of after?” My hand automatically goes to the back of my neck and I say “We didn’t really discuss that it just sort of happened.” She just looks at us not saying anything, I don’t know if it is a good or bad thing. “Well right now I can’t send one of you home without a good enough reason, and being in a relationship is not a good enough reason, but you should know that this may affect your future on the team. I’ll talk with the rest of the coaches and well decide how to handle this” 

“Thank you” I get up and head for the door, I am on autopilot the only thing that I can remember is “This may affect your future on the team” I don’t want to give up on the team, and I don’t want to give up on Hope either. But soccer is and it always has played such an important part in my life, in both our lives and the main goal of playing soccer is to play for the national team, will I be willing to give that up? I don’t even realise it but I am just staring at the elevator and Hope is just staring at me “What are we going to do?” “We are going to play Brazil in the quarter-final” she replies, I huff “That is not what I am talking about and you know it” “I do, but right now it isn’t our concern, we should be focussed on our game and not what comes after the world cup. Besides it may not even happen, she said that she was going to talk to the rest of the coaches first, for all we know they won’t care at all” “But what if they do?” “Then we cross that bridge when we come to it” “We cross that bridge when we come to it.” She pulls me closer trying to calm me down I guess, but it doesn’t really work, because the only thing I can think about is that this may be the last time I play in an international tournament.

I hug Kelley, trying to calm her, but she doesn’t relax at all, she is still worried it is written all over her face “Kelley please try and calm down, we don’t know what is going to happen the one thing we do know is that we have a tournament to win, and the team needs us to be at our best” “I don’t know if I can do that. What if we can’t play ever again, what will I do without soccer, what will I do without you? I can’t choose between the two of you” I pull her to me and hug her tightly “Baby it won’t come to that, you won’t have to choose, I promise” “You can’t make that promise” “I will do whatever it takes to make sure you won’t have to make that choice.” Kelley seems completely distracted she doesn’t even realise we are in front of her door, I turn her towards me but she doesn’t look at me she just keeps looking at the floor, I cup her face in my hands “Listen to me” she is now looking at me but I don’t know if she is taking in anything I am saying I just hope she does “Focus on what you can do and try to forget about the things you can’t change” she just shakes her head, I give her a quick kiss, “I’ll see you tomorrow, try and get some sleep ok?” Again she just shakes her head at me.

I don’t feel like eating at all but I know I have to, I eat as much as I can, which is a lot less than normal. I didn’t sleep a lot last night, I tried not thinking about what Pia said last night, but as hard as I tried I couldn’t keep it out of my mind. I was completely lost in thought I didn’t even realise that Hope had taken a seat beside me, she even got me coffee, made just the way I liked it, with too much sugar. “Did you really try sleeping last night?” I jerk when she says that “What?” she puts some hair behind my ear “You look terrible, did you even try to sleep last night” “Yes, I just wasn’t successful” “I can see that” she pushes the coffee towards me “Here drink that, hopefully it will help” “Thanks” she gets up, and returns with fresh fruit, “Eat some of these hopefully it will help you feel, and look better.” “Thanks” I eat some of the fruit and drink all the coffee, I do feel a little better after eating and drinking, but still not myself. “You look like shit Kelley, did you have a long night?” Pinoe wiggles her eyebrows at us suggestively; I frown and say “If I had some extra energy today, I would kick your ass just for saying that.” She lifts her hands in surrender, “Whoa there, we’re all a little on edge here, take it easy squirrely” “Sorry, I’m just really tired and anxious about the game today” “Preach girl, I’ll see you guys out there”

My heart starts racing as we stand in the tunnel before we run out for the start of the match, the adrenaline was finally starting to kick in, I needed it; I was feeling tired beforehand which isn’t a good thing before a big match. We start moving as soon as the FIFA song starts playing, as we wait for the anthems I can see Abby shaking herself out, like she always does, Christie practically has her hand over her heart already and Hope has her normal game face on. I wish I knew how she does that; it’s almost as if last nights’ conversation with Pia didn’t happen, I shake my legs a little trying to forget about it and keeping my focus on the game. I try as hard as I can, but I just can’t keep my focus, my passes are all over the place, and I keep missing good opportunities, either I am too slow or I am too quick. I was just thankful that we got a goal early on in the game, but it just wasn’t to be, after Rachel got her red card the game became a lot harder and my miscues became that more obvious. I was so thankful when the half time whistle blew I needed a break, I think we all did.

I jog to catch up to Kelley before we reach the tunnel, I need to talk to her while not everyone will be able to hear what I say, I start to walk when I get next to her “What’s wrong, you were completely out of sync out there today?” “I don’t know I try to focus but I can’t I just keep thinking that this will be the last time I play in an international tournament” I bump my elbow against hers “The way your are playing right now, you may actually give them a reason to keep you off the team. You are showing them why they have to keep us off the team, maybe you should show them why we should be here, even if we are a couple, get your head on straight, focus on what you have to do, and play like this is your last game, give it everything you have.” I walk ahead of her wanting her to think of what I just said, hopefully she will pull it together, because I really do think that the coaches may actually use this match to see if we should stay or go.

I am a little shocked by what she said, but it made so much sense, they could use our performance in today’s game to figure out if we should stay or go and I was giving them the perfect reason to kick us off. Someone ruffles my hair from behind “I know you have a lot on your mind right now, but we need your head in the game” I smile at Alex, “I believe I just got what I needed to get it back in the game, bring on the second half, I’m hungry for a goal.” “That is the Kelley I know.” After Pia’s half time talk I felt even more invigorated to get out there and show them what I wanted, I wanted to win, I wanted to stay on the team, I wanted everyone to know that I can date a team mate and still play at my best, actually I can play better. When that whistle blew I was off like a shot I was all over the place and my passes where connecting, I was feeling good, but the match was intense and we were locked in the mid field with occasional breakthroughs but unfortunately nothing came of them.

We were going into overtime, everyone was tired but we all believed that we were going to win it. The entire Brazilian team was sitting on the ground huffing and puffing, while we were all standing and talking ready for the rest of the match to get under way. When Marta scored her goal it felt like all the air was sucked out of my lungs, everyone had this look of defeat on their faces and then Abby rallied us and the belief was shining in everyone’s eyes, we were going to win this we just needed one shot. I put everything I had into the match we had a few close calls but nothing went in and time was running out, we were getting a little desperate and playing a little rougher than we usually would. I don’t know where we got the energy from but as the time got less we somehow got faster, the Brazilians couldn’t keep up. Then it happened Ali steals the ball back from Marta she passes it to Carli who dribbles until about midfield, before she passes it to Megan, Megan runs with the ball for a little bit before she makes a beautiful pass to Abby who is right in front of the goal as well as a few feet in front of me. She heads the ball past the goal keeper but it hits the crossbar, and falls right at my feet, I do what comes naturally and I kick the ball into the back of the net. The next thing I know I am being pummelled by my team mates, I have so much energy I just want to run around but I am being weighed down by everyone, and there is shouting all around me, hell even I am shouting. The final whistle blows and we are heading to penalties.

In the huddle Pia picks the five players who will be taking a shot, I am number three. Hope quickly removes herself from the huddle and heads over the goal, she stands there, and she shakes her hands out, then her legs. She moves her head around a little shakes her shoulders out before walking to the side of the net and drinking some water before putting her water down again. I go to stand in the line with the rest of the team, and get ready to start; Megan goes first and slots her shot home. The Brazilian player makes Hope go the wrong way and puts the ball in the back of the net. Abby was up next she took her time, she didn’t look at the keeper at all, she kept her eyes on the ball, the whistle blew she stood there for a bit before hitting it smoothly into the goal. The Brazilian makes Hope go the wrong way again and she just shrugs it off and heads to the side of the field to wait for her turn, it is my turn and I head to the goal, I walk up knowing exactly where I am going to put it, without a doubt in my mind I know it is going to go into the back of the net. The ball goes smoothly from my boot into the back of the net, I turn and head back to the rest of my team; Hope shakes out her hands and shoulders again before getting into the net, she stands her ground and waits for the shot. She blocks the shot and our entire line jump up in joy; she is up from the ground so quickly it was almost like she didn’t even hit the ground. Carli is up next and her ball also flies into the net, the Brazilian scores and that means Ali has to take the last shot for us to win, she walks up confidently, and I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin. When the ball hits the net, and Ali starts running towards us my feet have already started propelling me towards her. Everyone kind of slams into her at the same time I feel kind of bad, we are jumping around screaming and then I remembered that Hope was not here.

I take a look around and Abby is already heading towards her, well they are both running towards each other, the hit each other and amazingly Hope is the one who lands on top of Abby and they are kind of just lying on the grass hugging each other and smiling. The adrenaline is still pumping through me, even after all the running around and jumping and singing, we were in the locker room already but most of us were still going crazy, what a match. Hope finds me and sits down next to me, “That was amazing! What a match, you did so good out there I am proud of you” “Me, what about you? That save was amazing; we couldn’t have done it without you!” I hug her tightly and whisper “I love you” she hugs me back tightly and says “I love you too.” I can’t sleep again that night but this time it is a good thing, I can’t get the game out of my mind, it went from me playing my absolute worst to playing my absolute best and it was just an amazing game all round, everyone just did so good.

The next morning I am tired and still buzzed from yesterdays’ game, I still can’t believe what happened, it was such an epic match. When I head down I see Kelley walking to the elevator, I jog up to her “Good morning superstar” she shoves me lightly and says “I am not a superstar” “You are my superstar” “Who knew you were such a sap” we both turn our heads to see Tobin standing behind us “We were having a private conversation” “In a public place, so not my fault” she had a point and it wasn’t like I said anything embarrassing “Touchè” “But I do agree with Hope on this one, you are a superstar, have you seen the news yet, everyone is talking about that goal, we wouldn’t have made it if it wasn’t for you” “Thanks Tobs, but it was everyone, if it wasn’t for Ali I would never have been able to make the goal” I see her phone light up she glances down at it and then ignores it. “Who is it?” “Unknown number, I try to never answer those” “It could be something important, or someone” “They can leave a message” when her phone lights up again I say “Or they can call again” “Smartass” “Just answer it” “Fine.”

“Hello” I turn my attention to Tobin she has a hickey just showing from under her collar I smile and say “Did you have a good night?” “Yeah of course, how couldn’t I, how about you?” “Like you said how couldn’t I, but I was actually talking about that hickey that you have, that I am pretty sure wasn’t there yesterday” Tobin immediately slaps her hand where the hickey is, she definitely remembers how that happened. Even with her tan she is blushing profusely which makes me kind of wonder how that hickey came to be. When the doors to the elevators open, Tobin bolts out of the door, she didn’t even look back, I look back to Kelley and she is still on the phone I only get the last part of the conversation. “So who was that?” “My agent” “And what did he want?” “He was just telling me about interviews I have to do now that I am a ‘superstar’, he is going to send me an email with all the times on” “See, I was right you are a superstar.” I pull her in for a hug, “Guess you are going to be really busy today” “I guess so” “Well then, let’s go have breakfast together, since it may be to only time I see you today” “I am starving” “Aren’t you always?” “Shut up.”

We have grabbed our food and coffee and are heading over to a table, it is strangely quiet, I would have thought that everyone would have been jazzed up and talking like crazy. We sit down and my eyes meet Pinoes she smiles at me and says “What a game!” and that did it, everyone starts going crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if this chapter sucked, I started writing it soon after the last update and only finished it today, so it may read a little weird. But I hope you enjoy it, drop me a comment to tell me what you thought, even if you think it sucks.


	23. What

A few seconds ago I was in my happy place now I am running around trying to hide Hope while holding off on opening the door for Pia. She doesn’t really fit in the closet so she hides behind the bathroom door, I put on my shoes and open the door “Hey coach” she smiles and asks “Can I come in?” “Oh, yeah sure” I step aside and she walks into the room. “Sorry, I was taking a nap, and then I couldn’t find my shirt” “That is alright, I’m sure you are not the only one taking a nap after yesterday” “Yeah, right” “I wanted to talk to you about your relationship with Hope” my heart instantly jumps and starts racing “Ok” “Are you sure about it?” I was kind of shocked by the question “Yes, why?” “The two of you just seem to be a strange fit” “Opposites attract I guess” “Mmmm yes it seems like it. But the real reason I came is to tell you that I will do everything I can to keep the two of you on the team, but I can’t promise anything, the decision is not solely mine to make” I was torn between two emotions right now, being thankful and angry. Thankful that she was on our side and angry that she questioned our relationship in the first place.

When she got up to leave she asked “I’m sure Hope will hear about this conversation, right?” “Oh, yeah” I walk with her to the door and just as she leaves she says “Next time you might want to hide Hope’s jacket and also she shouldn’t move around in the bathroom” I think my mouth actually fell open “You knew?” “Well I dropped by her room first since I thought the both of you would be there but Carli told me the both of you were here” “Why did you ask me if I was sure about Hope if you knew she was there” “I wanted to see if Hope would come out or not, truth be told I’m surprised she didn’t she has quite a temper” she smiles “Or at least she did” she turns to go and then stops “No fooling around during the world cup……or camps…….or other tournaments.” I blush profusely; it feels like I can fry an egg on my face from the heat I’m emitting, “Sure thing” 

When I turn around Hope is leaning against the bathroom door smiling at me “That was embarrassing” she saunters over and says “You really can’t keep anything to yourself” “She basically caught us, and told us about it, it’s embarrassing!” she laughs and pulls me closer “Well since we already got caught, we might as well continue” I push her away “Is that all you can think about?” “When you look this cute, it is” “Cute turns you on?” “Nope, your special brand of cute turns me on.” I smile “Well your special kind of cute” I lean in a little closer standing on my toes to get high enough “Does nothing for me” I put my feet back on the ground and she says “That’s just mean” I was expecting her to hug or kiss me, but instead she grabs her jacket and heads for the door. “Where are you going?” “Well since my special brand of cute does nothing for you, I might as well go back to my room” I knew I sounded serious when I said it, but I was only joking “Take your jacket off and get over here” she smiles at me “I thought I didn’t do anything for you” “You know I was only kidding, you do everything for me” “Well in that case” she locks the door and takes of her jacket “How about you do something for me” I smile at her as she walks towards me “That is a terrible line” she kisses me and mumbles “Just my special brand of cute”

The next morning was filled with practice and a team meeting, it was exhausting; my shoulder was throbbing; everyone looked tired; thankfully we had an hour break after lunch, I was taking full advantage of it by taking a nap. I fell face first into my pillow, closed my eyes and exhaled loudly…..finally nap time. I was just about to fall asleep when there is a knock on the door; you have got to be kidding me, I groan when I get up my eyes are still kind of closed when I open the door I say “This better be good” “Awww, are you sleepy?” the sound of her voice wakes me up “It’s been a long morning” “I was wondering if you wanted to take a nap with me” I smile “Any time” I move over so there is enough space for both of us to fit on the bed, I look at her and smile “This is a nice surprise” “I missed you, I didn’t get a chance to see you today” “I missed you too” I lean down to kiss her when Carli walks in “What did I say about doing stuff in the room!” “We aren’t doing anything” “I’m supposed to believe that the two of you in a bed kissing means you aren’t doing anything” we say in unison “Yes” “Please, I’m not an idiot. I’m going to take a nap, I don’t want to hear or see anything, got it!” “We are going to take a nap too” “Good; that means I will actually get some rest.”

The game against France was much easier than we expected, it was still tense, but not as tight a match as the Brazil one. I had a couple of good saves, and we won 3-1. I was just so excited that we were going to the final, I had a good feeling about it, we were playing well again, and everything just seemed to be working. I needed some ice on my shoulder after the game and Kelley got a little worried “I’m fine Kell, it’s just a little sore, it’s normal.” “You didn’t need ice before today” “We have been playing competitive matches for a couple of weeks now, so sue me” she frowned at me and said “Fine, I’ll see you at dinner” she turned around and leaves the room, “No goodbye!” “Goodbye!” I can just laugh.  
Everyone was excited at dinner, we are going to the final, it seemed to kind of hit everyone at once and the noise level went up a notch, Pinoe and Lori were waltzing around the room, stopping occasionally at a table to sit and chat for a while. Abby has always been loud, but tonight she was extra loud, Alex and Tobin where around each other the whole time, Kelley was doing the rounds too, but I preferred to stay at the table and just take it all in. I was a little shocked that this was actually happening, thinking about everything that happened just made it seem so much more unreal, especially after the Brazil match, I wouldn’t admit this to anyone but there was a little while where I was sure we were going to go home. “Yo Solo, want to go play some soccer tennis?” “Nah Tobs, I’m good” “You sure?” “Yeah, go and enjoy yourselves” Kelley came running over and sat down next to me “Are you sure you don’t want to play, it’s just going to be for fun” “These people turn everything into a competition, you should know that” she smiles “Yeah, that’s what makes it so fun” “I’m kinda tired, I’m just going to sit this one out, I’ll join next time” “Ok, but I’ll miss you” I smile “I’ll miss you too, now go and play, don’t hurt yourself” she acts shocked “What, me?” “Yes you, and don’t hurt anyone else either” “You act like I do that on purpose” “Go have fun, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The next day my shoulder was still a little sore and tight but much better than it was the night before, I go down to the breakfast hall I needed my coffee. Carli was awake as well so we went down together; I was surprised to see how many of our teammates were awake as well. “I guess they are still excited about yesterday” “Looks like it” I grab some breakfast and a coffee, when I look around the room, Kelley, Alex and Tobin are nowhere to be seen, but surprisingly Lori and Pinoe are here. I take a sip of my coffee and savour the taste, and it makes me relax. After I finished my breakfast Kelley, Alex and Tobin walk in, Tobin has a black eye, I can’t help but smile a little, I knew someone was going to get hurt, when they sit down nobody says anything “So, what happened to your eye” “It’s no big deal, I got an accidental elbow to the eye, you know it happens” “Sure it does, whose elbow was it?” Kelley sighs “Yes ok, it was mine, you were right I hurt someone, are you happy now?” “No, but I have to say I am a little satisfied” “You’re such a jerk” I smile and say “Enjoy your breakfast ladies, I’m heading up to the trainers’ room” Kelley looks at me strangely “Why?” “He wants to check out my shoulder, it’s fine don’t worry about it, I’ll see you guys at training” “See you later.”

The whole morning had gone by and I still hadn’t seen Hope again, she didn’t show up for the pool recovery session, which was weird but nobody seemed to mind, she wasn’t at the light training sessions either. I was getting a little worried especially since it was time for lunch, I was sitting at the table with Carli, Alex, Tobin, Pinoe and Lori; I asked Carli if she had seen Hope, but she hadn’t, I was getting worried when she finally walked in, but her shoulder was heavily strapped, which made me worry even more. She got some food and walked right over “Where have you been?” “I have been with the physiotherapist all morning” “Why? Is everything ok?” “Yeah, just some extra therapy to make sure I don’t hurt myself.” I was still worried but she didn’t look too worried, she ate her lunch joked with Pinoe and talked with Carli, so I did the same.

The next morning we had training in the morning and a recovery session in the afternoon, nothing heavy since tomorrow we will be playing the final. There was an extra sense of nervousness; no matter what we were doing you could feel it in the air. Some dealt with it by playing games, some were colouring, or doing puzzles, I was playing a game with Alex and Tobin, but I was starting to regret it, Alex was just too competitive, and such a sore loser when she lost. “After this one I am out guys” “Come on Kell, it’s so much fun” “Yeah, come one, if you leave it will just be the two of us” “You guys always play by yourselves, you don’t need me” “But it is so much more fun with you, I know Tobins’ moves too well, I can beat her easily” “Hey! That’s not true, I win too…..sometimes” “Please Tobs, when was the last time you beat me” “Ok guys, can we just play” “Yeah yeah, let’s play.” When it got really heated the back and forth between Alex and Tobin got a little too weird for me, they started talking about personal things and to be honest I didn’t want to hear that “Okaaay guys, this is getting a little weird for me, so I’m going to go” they didn’t even hear me they were too busy trying to get at each other so I just left.

I head for my room thinking about what movie I should watch, I see Pinoe sneaking out of Ali’s room, she kind of freezes when she sees me “O, hey squirrely, what’s up?” “I don’t know why don’t you tell me?” “Ahh nothing much just getting ready for tomorrow” “Really, and how did you do that exactly” “Just doing this and that, nothing specific” “And Ali was with you?” “No, what makes you think that” “You’re standing outside of Ali and Alex’s room, and I just left Alex” “Riiiight; well I’ll see you later squirrely.” She was gone before I could even say anything that was so strange, I got an even bigger shock when Ali came out of the room looking guilty, when she saw me her eyes grew wide “Kelley, hi!” her voice had a higher pitch than usual, and she started to blush. “Hey Ali, what’s up?” “Nothing much, just going to go to…….the activity room?” “Are you asking me?” “No, I was just kind of reconsidering going to out to the swimming pool” “Right, no swimsuit?” “Yeah, just shorts and a sports bra should be fine.” “Well I am going to watch a movie, do you maybe want to join me, after you have made up your mind of course” “O no, I feel like I have to do something I can’t sit still right now, but thanks.” And just like that she was gone too, what the hell was that?

The movie was almost over and I was feeling tired, I was contemplating taking a nap when there was a knock on my door. When I opened the door Alex was standing there and she didn’t look happy at all, “What’s up Al?” “Did you have something to do with it?” “With what?” she was frowning at me and looking me right in the eye, I just stood there not sure what to do, she kept staring at me for a little while before turning around and heading, I assume, back to her room. What is going on, I look across the hall and Carli is staring at me “What was that about?” “I have no idea” “Want to find out? I’m bored” I hadn’t really spent a lot of time with Carli before, but how bad can it be, she is pretty much Hope’s best friend, “Yeah ok, let’s go.” Our first stop was Alex’s room but she wasn’t there and neither was Ali, “Should we go to Tobin’s room?” I shrug “We have nothing to lose” On our way to Tobins room we run into Lori who seems to be really excited about something “Hey, have you seen Alex?” “No, have you?” “Yeah, she looked kind of mad” Lori starts laughing “She did” I’m starting to think that Lori played a prank on Alex “What did you do?” “It wasn’t me, I just heard about it” “Who did it then?” “Dunno” Carli gives her a stare comparable to Hope’s “What do you know Lori?” “All I know it that it was genius” I was now very intrigued.

“Come on tell us” “I don’t know who did it but someone put some whipped cream in Alex’s socks” “How is that genius?” Carli asks “Let me finish, when she went to the bathroom to go wash the cream of the soap she used turned her feet blue, Alex is walking around with blue feet” she could barely keep it together when she got to the part where Alex is walking around with blue feet. “Do you believe that?” “I don’t know, it’s possible, Mittsy is quite the prankster” “That was easier than I expected” she heads back to her room “That’s it, you don’t want to know who did it” “We won’t be able to find out who did it, I’m going to go find Hope” “She isn’t in your room?” “No, I haven’t seen her since lunch.” “That’s weird she told me she was going to hang out with you” “Maybe she was planning on it but got distracted” “Yeah maybe.” The whole reason I didn’t hang out with Hope today is because she said she wanted to hang out with Carli, now I find out she didn’t hang out with Carli either, where is she then?

I go back to my room to get my phone, I send a text to Hope asking her if she wants to hang out, I don’t get anything back, at first I wanted to go and look for her, but then I decided against it and finished my movie. With my movie done I was bored so I decided to go find Alex to see her blue feet, I go to her room first but, she isn’t there only Ali, and she hasn’t seen her either, the next logical step is Tobin’s room but neither of them are there. I don’t know where they could be but I decide to go to the trainers’ room, maybe they went there to get Alex’s feet clean. I run into Pinoe on my way to the fifth floor, she has a huge smile on her face and she is pretty much bouncing off the walls “What has you so excited?” “I love it when a plan come together” it then dawns on me that it was Pinoe “Alex is going to kill you when she finds out” she shrugs her shoulders “Eh I’ll survive, besides it was a two woman job anyway” “Lori helped?” “Nah, Lori didn’t have access” “Ali!” “Our sweet little German has a bad side” “Or you corrupted her” “Ok maybe I said something to make her help me, but still she isn’t as sweet as everyone thinks” “Please Ali is a saint” “Maybe, maybe not. I’ll see you later I need to go spread some more mayhem” “Just stay out of my room Pinoe!” her back is already to me she just raises her hand and says “I can’t make any promises squirrely.” I need to keep in mind to be extra careful when I’m putting on my socks. When I get close to the trainers door I hear a sound that sounds very familiar, all I can think is that I need to get away before someone sees me, I’m just about to turn around when I hear a very familiar voice.

I am frozen in my spot, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the heart, this can’t be, it feels like I’ve lost complete control of my body, my brain is screaming at me to just leave to turn around, but a part of me just can’t. Everything is moving so slowly and when my hand touches the door handle it is ice cold in my hands, it feels like the cold form the handle is seeping into my whole body, I push down on the handle and the door opens, I don’t know why it is open, I was expecting it to be locked. With the door open the sounds are louder and I feel like all the air has left my body, when I see the bed Hope sees me too, the first words out of her mouth is “It’s not as bad as it looks”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here you go, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and as always feel free to tell me what you think.


	24. Sunlight to heartbreak

“What the fuck Hope?!” I was confused and relieved at the same time “It’s not as bad as it looks, I promise” clearly she was not doing what I thought she was, but she had this weird thing on her arm and shoulder. “What is that? And why do you need it?” “It’s a new product that Hyperice is making and I’m testing it out since it is made specifically for shoulder injuries. And I need it since I have a shoulder that needs to be iced a lot” “Ok, fine, why did you tell me you were going to be hanging out with Carli, when you weren’t” “I was planning on hanging out with Carli, but I had to come here first to get some treatment, and Jerry asked me if I wanted to try it out.” “So it took you two hours to use that thing?” “No, it took us two hours to figure out how it works, and how to put it on. The instructions were not very clear” “And what’s with the sounds” “What sounds?” “The sounds you were making before you saw me” “Jerry was moving some of the ice around, at first it hurt like hell, but then it started to feel really good, like a massage.” I let out a breath louder than I thought I would, but I was extremely relieved that Hope was dressed, although only half dressed, but still; and Jerry was completely dressed. 

“Next time maybe just tell someone you’re going to be busy” “I’m sorry about that, but I am done now. Do you want to go swimming?” “Can you go swimming?” this question was aimed more at Jerry than Hope “We aren’t going swimming we’re going to hang out at the pool, better?” “Sure I can hang out at the pool, meet you there in 10 minutes?” “10 Minutes it is”

“Where are you heading off too so quickly?” “Pool” she was out of the door before I could even say anything else “Cool, I was hoping we could hang out, guess you have other plans and you don’t care right now” and now you have me talking to myself, thanks Hope. I guess I’ll just go find someone else to do something with.  
I’m at the pool before Kelley, I’m usually there before her, what surprises me is that there are quite a few team members at the pool already. I was kind of hoping to only hang out with Kelley but I suppose that this will do, I sit down at one of the poolside chairs and wait. I put on my sunglasses, and close my eyes for a little bit, I can hear some of the players talking but it’s just background chatter, until I hear my name, then I sort of can’t help but eavesdrop “But she has changed, since the whole Kelley thing” “What I still don’t get is what Kelley is doing with her” “Have you seen Hope?” “Yeah of course she is hot, but she’s this total bitch, and she has issues, while Kelley is…..well Kelley, the sweetest girl in the world. She gets along with everyone, the only people who talked to Hope before Kelley was Carli” “Yeah, but now Alex,Tobin, Pinoe even Ali talks to her” “They are all Kelley’s friends, not hers.” At first the conversation was funny, but now it was kind of getting to me, do I really not have friends on the team, are Barnie and Abby right? I don’t feel like being at the pool anymore, I don’t feel like being around anyone right now.

I get up and grab my stuff, but I walk directly into Kelley, “Did I take that long?” “What?” “I do hope you were going to look for me and not just leave me here hanging” “Oh, yeah, it has been a lot longer than 10 minutes, I thought you may have gotten lost” I try to joke, but it kind of falls flat “What’s wrong?” “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it” “Are we back to this? Just tell me what is bothering you?” “Do you think I’m a bitch and that I have issues?” “Yes, but you’re only a bitch when you need to be, and we both know why you have issues, it’s not your fault” I know this was supposed to make me feel better, but somehow it just made me feel worse. “Come on, let’s just relax by the pool, have some fun till dinner, and then get ready for the meeting” she grabs my hand and turns me around heading back to the pool. We sit next to the pool for a while, Kelley tries to cheer me up, and eventually it works, I can’t stay in a bad mood when she is around.

Somehow we got into a game, I guess you could call it volleyball, but we were in the pool, and there was no net. The aim was to get the ball from the one side of the pool to the other; it was fun, until Alex got overly enthusiastic and almost hurt herself and Abby. That is when the game stopped and everyone kind of disbanded into their little groups. It’s almost time for dinner and my fingers are pruning, but Kelley is still enjoying herself “Hey Kell, I’m going to go get ready for dinner, I’ll see you later” she grabs me by the arm “Are you sure?” “Yeah, my hands are pruning and I need a shower, I’ll see you at dinner” “Ok, sure, I’ll see you later” I feel like giving her a kiss, but with most of our team around us, the urge left me pretty quickly. Then I see Abby and I remember what she said about me having issues and I kind of want to kiss her again, but I settle for a hug, “Go have some more fun….and try to keep Alex out of trouble” “I can do that” she smiles at me and I turn to leave, then she does something unexpected, she slaps me on the butt, I’m shocked I look at her and ask “Did you just slap me on the butt?” “It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last” “You can be really glad I’m out of the pool already” “Like you would do anything anyway” and that kind of does it, I wade back into the water, she just smirks at me, not thinking that I will do anything, and at first I was just planning on dunking her, but then I see Abby again and it makes me reconsider. I grab her around the waist, pull her closer, I lean in slowly and I see the shock on her face before our lips meet. I wasn’t planning on the kiss being more than a little peck, but somehow it turned into a little make-out session, it lasted until she remembered where we were and broke the kiss. I leave her at the pool with that look on her face and I leave feeling satisfied.

I was always kind of in a daze after a kiss with Hope, even now, but I was quickly brought out of that daze when heard Abby say “Whoa, who knew Hope had emotions” “That’s mean Abs” “I’m sorry Ali, but come on she always looks angry, or bitchy, I’m surprised that she can even act like a normal person” “I think you’re over reacting a little don’t you think” “No, come on, when have you ever seen her smile” “Two seconds ago” “Besides then” “Last night, maybe you should hang out with her before judging her” “I don’t really like hanging out with mean people” and that is when I kind of lost my temper “Excuse me!” “What, she is kinda mean” “She is not mean, she’s just cautious, and she has a right to be” “Cautious of what? And why does she feel the need” “She’s had a hard life ok” “Having a single parent taking care of you is not a hard life” “You have no idea what you are talking about” I knew if I stayed I would say something I’d regret so I just left it at that.

“What’s your problem with Hope?” “I have a problem with her attitude, this is a team sport, and she’s not a team player” “According to a forward who hardly has any contact with her own goalkeeper” “Hey I’m not arguing that she is good, but off the field she is hard to deal with” “I don’t find her hard to deal with, in fact I think she is a really good person” “Really and what makes her such a good person?” “The fact that she cares about everyone, even if you can’t tell, you say she isn’t a team player, but I can guarantee that if someone was to mess with the team she will be the first to defend us. Put some of your preconceptions aside and actually talk to her” “Since when do you like her so much” “Since I actually talked to her, when I first got here I heard all these rumours about her and I believed them, but you guys are wrong, and the only ones who seem to be able to see it are Kelley, Alex, Tobin, Pinoe, Lori and me, what is stopping the rest of you?” I know I am kind of new to the team but I don’t like it when people are being mean for no reason “Just because she is guarded doesn’t make her a bad person.” 

When I get out of the shower I am surprised to see Kelley sitting on my bed, I smile “Was the kiss that good?” she doesn’t return the smile “Why were you upset at the pool when I got there?” “What has brought this up?” “Just answer the question?” “It was stupid, I just heard something” “Something that Abby said” I was taken aback that she knew it was Abby “Yeah, how did you know?” “What did she say?” “She just said something about me not having friends without you, and it’s true, which is why I got upset” “That’s not true, you do have friends, even without me” “But how did you know that it was Abby?” “She said some stuff when you left, and then I said some stuff, so people are probably going to be staring during dinner” “What did you say?” “Nothing bad, but you know how they get when they are bored, anything to get some excitement” “What happened? Are you ok?” “We just had some words, I told her she should get to know you before she judges you, you had a hard life and then she wanted to know what made your life so hard, I didn’t want to say anything so I left, but I’m fine” I give her a hug “Ok, I’ll try and talk to her” “What, you are actually going to talk to someone else on the team” “Come on, I’m not that bad” “No you’re not, I was just teasing” she gives me a kiss and of course Carli has to walk in at that moment.

“Again, what is it with you two and our room?” “What is it with you walking in every time we just kiss” “I don’t know, maybe if I got a chance to talk to you, I would know when to stay out of the room” “We talk Carli, you asked me where I was going and I told you I was going to the pool.” Carli just shakes her head “I’m going down to dinner I’ll see you guys there” “Ok, but it’s a little early don’t you think?” “I’ll manage.” When Carli left Hope pulled me closer again “Hang on a sec” “What is it?” “When was the last time you hung out with Carli?” “I don’t know, a few days ago” “I think you should hang out with her today” “Ok, I can do that after dinner” “Good, I think she might be a little mad at you” “You do?” “Yeah, usually she playfully teases us, but today she couldn’t get out of here fast enough” “Yeah, but Carli can be a little temperamental sometimes, but I’ll talk to her at dinner” “Ok, now we can continue”

Dinner was a little tense it seems that Kelley was right about Carli being mad at me, but after some sweet talking, she finally warmed up and we decided that tonight it will only be the two of us. Next up I guess is Abby, I didn’t really know how to tackle this, we get along fine, but we don’t really talk and the most contact we have ever had was when we hugged after the Brazil game, which in itself was strange, but everyone’s emotions were running high. I’m unsure how to start the conversation and how to talk about the incident at the pool; the only good thing making it a little easier is that Abby decided to sit at the same table as us. Kelley was still mad at her, or maybe just a little upset, she can’t really stay mad at someone for very long, I still have to decide if that is a good or bad thing. I decided to just go for it “So, tomorrow is the big day” “Yeah, it’s the last one, one more and if we do our jobs we will walk away with the trophy” “We are prepared, and we still have our meeting later” “Are you ready for it” “The meeting or the game?” “Both” “After the meeting I will be ready for tomorrow, and right now I’m ready for the meeting, but there is something I want to talk to you about” “The pool thing” “I wouldn’t really call it a thing, more like an insult” “I didn’t mean to be insulting” “Then how did you mean it?” “I was just trying to figure things out, how Kelley and you think it is a good idea to date, and what gives you the right to act the way you do.” “Kelley and me dating has nothing to do with you, that is our private lives” “That affects the whole team” “It does not, we aren’t hanging off of each other, or making out in front of everyone whenever we want” “Did you forget about the pool, that was a one-time thing, we’ve been dating for a couple of months now and no one knew” “Ok fine, but what happens when you guys fight, both of you are on the team, having team members mad at each other makes things hard for the rest of us and it takes away our focus form the main goal which is winning.” “We have fought before, and no one knew, we keep things professional, when we are with the team, the team comes first.” “Ok, and what about your attitude” “My attitude is me being me, it would be like me asking you why you are so loud all the time” “Because I needed some way to get attention when I was growing up in a house with seven other kids” “Well I grew up in a house with a mother that had no idea what she was doing with two kids and a father who…… should never have been a father. Protecting myself from getting hurt is not a crime” “No it’s not, but there is no need to protect yourself from the people on this team” “You don’t know that, and neither do I” “So what makes Kelley different then, she is part of this team, she can hurt you”  
By now people were staring at us the conversation had taken a turn that I hadn’t expected, but I wasn’t about to let it just go, maybe this is what we needed to clear the air and get everyone to just let me be, and to let me and Kelley be. “Yes she can, but sometimes no matter how hard you try.......no matter how hard you try to keep it from happening, you can’t stop yourself from falling in love. What is your real problem anyway? We have never been friends, I know that, but we have always gotten along with each other. What is going on with you?” “Nothing is going on with me, I just think it sucks that you and Kelley decide to make your relationship known when we are at the world cup, when we all need to have one focus” “We still have one focus” “No we don’t, look around you, does it look like they have only one focus? No they don’t, they are just looking for some drama” “And you are giving it to them, if you didn’t say anything no one would care, we would be having a boring dinner, stressed about the final, but instead they are here listening to us, who here made the mistake?” “I don’t think voicing my opinion is wrong” “And I don’t think letting everyone know about my relationship is wrong, but you could have just come to us instead of letting everyone in on your opinion” “And you could have waited till after the world cup to let everyone in on your little secret” “That’s just it Abby, I’m trying to not be the ‘mean’ person everyone sees me to be, the bitch, I didn’t want to have a secret from my teammates, I’m trying to not be as protective, to let people in. Kelley tells me I’m a nice person, maybe she is right I don’t know, I just wanted to not have to keep a secret for once. You can tell me this is about you voicing your opinion, but I don’t buy it, when you decide to tell me what this is really about you can come and tell me….or you could voice it as your opinion.” I didn’t want to be overly dramatic, but I couldn’t stay seated after what I just said, so I had to leave the table.

Even though I don’t like confrontations there was good that came from confronting Abby, I realised for the first time that I am trying to let people in, because of Kelley; I am changing, changing for the better. I also realised that this is a huge distraction and we will probably get an earful at the meeting we are having tonight, I just hope we can get it all sorted out. I go to my room to read, I needed to get my mind of off everything for a little while, I still had about half an hour before the meeting; I am startled by a knock on the door. I am even more shocked when I see Abby on the other side, “Hey” She sounded a little unsure which is unusual for Abby, “Hey, want to come in” “Yeah, I was hoping to talk to you” I moved aside and she entered the room. “You were right you know” “About what?” “My ‘opinion’ wasn’t really my ‘opinion’ you were right something else was bothering me, I was too ashamed to say it, especially to you.” “I don’t know if that is a good thing.” “I mean that you were seen as this mean, bitchy person, who kept to herself and only talked to Carli, and now you have real friends on the team, you have a girlfriend, which I never would have suspected, and you seem happy. While I feel like I’m going backwards, everyone I was friends with on the team, have retired, I can’t seem to connect with the younger kids, with all their tech talk, and for the first time in a long while I have someone I care about, but I’m too afraid to tell anyone.” I smile “Well who would have thought that Abby Wambach would feel like the outsider and Hope Solo would not.” “Are you actually trying to make me feel better right now?” “I’m not that good at it but yeah” “I need to talk to Kelley” “Why?” “I owe her an apology.” “You can talk to her after the meeting, we should go down now anyway.”  
When Abby and Hope walked in together at the meeting everyone kind of got quiet, this wasn’t expected, especially after dinner. They seemed to be fine, they were laughing and they didn’t seem to be angry at all. I wonder how that happened, “How did that happen?” I shake my head “I have no idea” I was in awe, I kind of couldn’t help but be proud of her, I wanted to go give her a hug; I made sure to catch her eye and gave her a bright smile, she returned the smile and my heart was racing, how is this still possible. The meeting was boring and I think everyone looked tired, I even felt tired, but this was the last push, the last match and if everything went as planned we would have gold hanging around our necks. After the meeting I kind of just wanted to go to my room and fall asleep, “Hey there cutie” “Excuse me?” “What?” “Since when do you call me cutie?” “I don’t know, since you look like that” and she just kind of gestures with her hands in my direction “Well, just like you don’t like to be cute, I don’t like it either” I walk closer “I prefer hot, as well” by now I am really close “Sooo…..should I say hottie instead?” I give her a light punch “You’re an ass” “A nice ass?” “O wow, what happened to you” “I guess it has just been a good day.” “I like it when you have a good day” “Me too, but the real reason I was waiting for you is so I could say goodnight” “Really, and how where you planning on doing that?” “O, you know” she pulls me closer, my hands instantly go around her waist “With just a little kiss” I expect her to give me a kiss on the lips, but instead she gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Also with a big kiss” this time she kisses me on the lips. It feels like my heart is going to beat out of my chest and I feel really happy “I’ll see you tomorrow” my eyes were still slightly closed “Yeah, see you tomorrow.”  
The practice was light and it burned off a little extra nervous energy, but we couldn’t go all out since we needed to save our energy for tomorrow night. The day was filled with planning for the last day as well as packing a few things since we wouldn’t be staying for long after the last match. Everyone seemed to be happy and relaxed, it really was amazing the difference a day could make, yesterday was kind of such a disaster and today it seemed like it didn’t even happen. Now we were a few hours away from playing in the biggest game of our lives.

My heart was beating wildly in my chest; I was running all over the place trying to get the ball in the back of the net. Truth be told I felt like we should have won already, we were leading twice already, and twice Japan came back, now we were level with the threat of penalties hanging over our heads. I didn’t want to go to penalties; I don’t think that mentally I am prepared to face another round of penalties, I was giving it my all to stop that from happening; I was trying to get that one shot we need to end the match before penalties. But no matter how hard we tried, we still didn’t make it, we didn’t get the ball in the back of the net, now for us to win the cup we needed to get at least five balls in the back of the net. I felt a little deflated, I wished we were done, that we didn’t have to do this. We all get together in a circle Abby is trying to fire us all up, to get us ready. Hope is in the huddle but I can see on her face that she is far away, trying to focus on the task at hand, the field players need to be fired up, but the goalkeeper needed to stay calm and focused. I didn’t know how she does it, I don’t know how she zones out with so much noise and stuff going on around her; I just hope that she feels more prepared than I do. When I hear my name being called to take a shot I feel my heart sink. I am struggling between saying something; and taking the shot, if I say something it may dishearten some of the other players, but I don’t know if I am able to do what everyone expects of me.

I am trying not to think of the penalties, I’m trying to focus on what I have to do, how I have to stand, what I have to do to be able to keep the ball out of the net, I keep thinking of ways to seem more intimidating, I need to make eye contact; try and make them feel that they can’t make the shot, and hopefully it will be the truth. I get the coaches to look at my knee again, it took a hit in the game and I wanted to make sure it was ok. After that I talk to Paul for a while he tells me what he thinks the players will do, which way they favour, and what I can do to keep the ball out, after that I ran over to the side of the net, we won the flip so we get to go first. I try not to look at Boxy’s shot, but it is impossible. When her shot gets saved it feels like someone added the worlds weight on my shoulders, I walk to the goal, I take my position and I get ready to save the shot, but there is nothing I can do to stop it and I just look as the ball flies past me and into the net. When Carli’s shot goes over the bar it feels like the weight on my shoulders have gotten even heavier, I take my position in the net, I get ready, I steady my breathing and I save it, I felt so elated that I saved it, I feel like we still have a fighting chance, that we can do this all we need is for someone to score. When Abby’s shot hits the back of the net I feel all the life surge back into me, I take a deep breath to stay calm, I get in the net and I wait for the shot, but I don’t make the save. Now the pressure is on again, Tobin steps up and her shot is saved. This is it, I try to stay loose, I wave my arms around a little; I get in the goal, bend my knees slightly and try to see which way she is going to hit the ball. I hear that familiar sound of the ball hitting the net, in my peripheral view I see the net moving. Before I even hit the ground I know it’s over we lost, after everything we did, after all our hard work we lost, the feeling is just indescribable, it’s like someone has grabbed my heart and decided to just swing it around in my chest, the lump in my throat feels like the size of a cannonball, I can hardly see through the tears in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry in front of all these people, these strangers who don’t know anything about me, I didn’t want to cry in front of my teammates either, I didn’t want them to see this vulnerable side of me. The tears don’t fall but anyone can see them in my eyes, I try to talk but with the lump in my throat it is too hard and I stop trying. The only consolation I have right now is that I am not the only one feeling like this, some of my teammates are visibly crying, everyone on our team is upset, even the staff are upset. I feel like I let them down by not making the save, when that thought hits me it gets even harder not to cry, I swallow, but it feels like I am going to drown. 

Through the whole medal giving ceremony the tears just keep appearing, they don’t fall anymore, but I can feel them building every now and then, I can’t believe we didn’t make it, and I can’t believe how much this hurts, I was so sure that we were going to make it. The one thing that makes me feel better right now is the thought that even though we didn’t win, the Japanese team did deserve to have some good news after the year they had, I also liked a few of the players on the team having met them before. It still hurt but when I saw Abby and Hope get awards I felt a little better, the whole team didn’t win, but we did get something a small consolation prize. We did try and smile for the pictures, but it is hard to have a real smile on your face when you just lost in the most important match of your life. After the medals were hung around our necks we grabbed each others’ hands, we were connected as a team and for some reason that small act made me know that this wasn’t the last chance, we will get gold around our necks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, I went on vacation and didn't do any writing at all. I hope you enjoy this chapter (I think it could be better but I feel a little rusty after the vacation.) And as always feel free to let me know what you think.


	25. Just shocking

Everything after the match was just a blur, I don’t know how I got on the bus, I have no idea how I got off the bus, and I have no idea how I got on my bed in my room, but here I was laying on my bed still wondering where it all went wrong. I could almost feel the weight of the gold medal around my neck and now I have to be satisfied with silver. Why couldn’t I save that shot? My team was depending on me and I couldn’t deliver, I failed them. I feel movement on the bed, is that me? I’m not moving am I? “Hey” that’s not me; I should probably answer “Hey” “Are you ok?” “No, are you ok?” “No, why are you all alone?” “I don’t know, I just want to be alone.”

During the whole conversation she has kept her back to me, usually I get her undivided attention. I’m a little worried she doesn’t seem to be acting normal at all; she’s just laying on her bed, not looking at anything in particular, and being deadly silent. I hug her from behind; it is a little awkward since she is bigger than me. I can see her hand just lying on the bed so I reach over from behind and put my hand on hers, her hand is bigger than mine and it doesn’t cover her hand, so I put my fingers in between hers. She doesn’t say a word and her body is still tense, I lightly kiss the back of her neck and rub my forehead against her back, she rubs my pinkie finger with her thumb and relaxes a little. I just keep holding her like this, and she just keeps rubbing my thumb, I feel her start to move, so I move with her.

“I failed everyone on the team” “You’re not the only one that failed, we all failed” “You can’t lose if the other team can’t score” “You can’t win if you don’t score” “We did score….twice, and then they got the ball past me. I should have kept the last ball out, I made a stupid mistake” “We all made stupid mistakes, we wouldn’t have lost if we didn’t make mistakes, it just wasn’t in the cards for us this time” “What if I don’t get a next time?” I was shocked and it showed my head shot up and I looked at her “What do you mean?” “Look at my shoulder Kelley, who knows if it will last four years, what if I don’t get another chance?” “You will get another chance, do you know how I know” “How?” “You’re Hope Solo…….and you have me, I won’t let you give up; you deserve to win a world cup.” She pulled me close and hugged me tight “Thank you for being here” “Where else would I be?” She wasn’t hugging me anymore but she was still holding on to me, and I was half on top of her but I didn’t feel as sad anymore, I felt determined. Determined to show Hope that she has four more years in her and determined to get that gold around our necks.

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After the world cup everything seemed to be going bad for me, I couldn’t score even if the goal was clear. No matter how hard I tried, how hard I practiced; when it mattered when I needed to put the ball in the back of the net, I just couldn’t. I can’t remember what it feels like to score it has been so long, it’s been a couple of months, we have a camp coming up to get ready for the Olympic qualifiers. I am worried about it, I want to do well; but there is no point in taking a striker to the qualifiers if she can’t score. The whole plane ride to Florida I was lost in my own mind, picturing the ball hitting the back of the net, different ways to score, my position on the field, everything I know about scoring, I played it over and over in my head. 

I had just gotten off the plane and a few of the player were waiting at the airport, for transport to the hotel, and of course the first person to see me is Pinoe. “Squirrely! I feel like I haven’t seen you in a long time” Pinoe was sitting in Riley’s stroller I had no idea why “Hey Pinoe, what’s up?” “You know, just hanging out” “Cool, you know where Alex is?” “What? I’m not good enough for you?” “Nah Pinoe, you just look really comfortable right now, and Alex has texted me like five times already, you know how inpatient she can get” “Yeah, yeah, she is playing some game with Tobin, HAO and Barnie over there” she pointed to the side,” I’m sure you will hear them before you see them” “Thanks Pinoe.” And she was right I heard them long before I saw them and of course it was an argument about Alex being too competitive.

It was a long day, with the photo shoot and commercial, as well as the flight I was exhausted when I finally made it to Florida. I was also the last person to arrive and I hated that, I didn’t want everyone to stare at me, and when I did make it to dinner, that is exactly what happened. I grabbed some food and sat down next to Kelley, she was done eating, her hand snaked up the back of my neck to the bottom of my skull, and she spread her fingers in my hair and gave me a little massage. It felt so good I could hardly focus on my food; I just wanted to close my eyes and fall asleep “Finish your food before you fall asleep” “Mmmmmmm, that feels really good, I was just starting to get a headache” “And you’re super tired” I smile “Yes, and I’m super tired, how did you know?” “You had a photo shoot and commercial, before flying to Florida. You’d have to be superwoman to not be tired. So finish your food so you can go to bed” “What if I don’t want to” “Don’t start with that, we both need our rest.” She drops her hand from the back of my head and I stop eating to take a good look at her, she looks tired and stressed; I put my hand on her thigh and lean in close “Are you ok? You don’t look so good” “I’m just a little stressed” “You still can’t score?” she hangs her head low and I know that’s what’s bothering her. “It will be ok, just trust your instincts” “They haven’t been serving me well the last couple of months” “I’ve watched you play you stop trusting yourself the moment you get close to the goal, if you second guess yourself you won’t score, trust that you know what you are doing” “I’ve tried, it’s not working” “You don’t try at being yourself, you just are, I know you can do it” she gives me a wry smile, I look her straight in the eyes “I know you can do it.” Before going to bed I did at least get a good night kiss, I’ve been missing those.

I try to sleep but I can’t, with Abby, Alex, Sydney and Christen at the camp, there is an abundance of strikers, there is no way I’ll make it to the qualifiers if I can’t hit my target. Not to mention Carli who has a cannon of a shot from distance why would anyone choose me to stay on the team, I feel so lost, this has never happened to me before, soccer was usually my joy, my escape from the things that were bothering me, now it’s keeping me up at night. I toss and turn but nothing I do seems to be working, so I decide to get up and get some fresh air, I walk down to the beach that is close to the hotel and I sit and listen to the waves, it’s so dark that I can’t see them. The smell of the ocean and the sound of the waves relaxes me, it makes me think of surfing and swimming in the ocean, I need to teach Hope how to surf, she would probably be really good at it, it would be so much fun if we could surf together. I don’t know for how long I just sat there but for the first time in months my mind was not on soccer and scoring, it was on other things that make me happy. I walk back to my room feeling lighter than I have in a long time, and when my head hits the pillow I am completely lost in my dreams.

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The camp was a complete disaster, I have no idea how I made the roster, I didn’t score once, during the entire week long camp, and I kept messing up. Hope told me it wasn’t that bad, but I’m pretty sure the only reason I got on the team is because of my chemistry with the other player which Sydney and Christen don’t have yet. Even now when I should be looking forward to having a weekend off, I still think about how terrible I’m playing. The only thing good about this weekend is that I get to see Hope, finally more than a couple of hours alone with her, I just wish she would get here, how long can it take to get here from the airport? I had everything planned out, I even have our breakfast packed in the basket already, and now I was getting impatient, I actually started pacing before sitting down in front of the TV and looking for something to watch. After about half an hour I hear a car in the driveway, finally! I run to the door, I can see Hope getting out of the car, I open the door and run to her before jumping into her arms, she staggers back, but she doesn’t fall over “Whoa, what’s this for” I wrap my legs around her waist and cling onto her for a while longer, I feel a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, this is not part of the plan, pull yourself together Kelley. “I just really missed you” I tried my best to keep my voice from quivering, but like with everything else these days I fail miserably, she holds me a little tighter and I grab onto her. She just stands there holding me, my head is in her shoulder and by now I am crying, I feel her bend down slightly and then she starts walking to the house, she opens the door, she bends down again and then she walks to the sofa. She sits down and just wraps her arms around me not saying a word, she just lets me cry.  
When her tears finally stop I wait for her to say something, I’m not very good with emotions but right now Kelley needs me to be so I will do my best. When she doesn’t say anything I rub her back and say “Baby what’s going on” she doesn’t lift her head from my shoulder she just mumbles something that I can’t hear, “Kelley, I need you to lift your head or stop mumbling, I can’t hear you.” She keeps her head in my shoulder but she does raise her voice “Everything is going wrong, I can’t score a goal to save my life, I feel like I shouldn’t be going to the qualifying tournament. I can’t even greet you properly, I’m ruining our weekend.” She starts crying again, and it breaks my heart, I didn’t think that this was going to cause her so many problems, “You can never ruin anything, and I don’t want you to ever feel bad about telling me how you feel. And it’s not that bad, you’re just having a dry spell, every striker goes through it, you’ll figure it out, you can make it through” she lifts her head for the first time, “What if I can’t?” she is looking for me to give her the answer, I don’t have an answer and I don’t know if I can make her feel better. I put some of her hair behind her ear, “Do you know what I think” “What?” “I think you need to have fun, you are so focussed on what you have to do, and what you aren’t doing that you aren’t having fun anymore. That is why we play right? The joy we get from being on the field, from having our teammates around us, from the adrenaline of walking out on the field with people cheering, from winning and from experiencing different countries.”   
She rests her forearms on my shoulders and intertwines her fingers behind my neck, “I should have fun?” “You should have fun, enjoy yourself a little” “It’s a good thing it’s the weekend then” “A very good thing.” She smile at me and it makes me feel so much better “There is the smile I was looking for” she leans forward and gives me a kiss, a long lingering kiss, my eyes are still closed when she pulls away “I missed that” I smile when she says that “I missed it too.”

I am very apprehensive about going to the beach; ever since Kelley told me she wants to teach me to surf I have been waiting for her to spring it on me again. “So we are just having a picnic on the beach?” “Yeess, and we can go to the pier or play some volleyball, or walk around, whatever you want to do” “I could do with some sunshine, Seattle has been extra rainy lately” “Great, I also have some food packed, and a blanket, with an umbrella” I smile at her “So you have everything planned already” she shakes her head like a little kid “Yes” “Can I ask you one thing” “Yeah” “Am I going to be surfing.” She just smiles at me “Only if you want to, but I think I would have a lot of fun doing it” I knew this was coming, but for her I would do anything “Fine, just don’t be surprised if I suck at it” “You won’t suck at it, I’m going to be your teacher” “Just get the stuff so we can go, I need some sun on this skin of mine and some food in my stomach.” “You’re hungry?” “Starving; so let’s go.”

I was singing along to the radio on the way to the beach, even though I was still sad, I don’t get a lot of weekends to spend with Hope, so I need to make the best of it, and we can talk about my issues later. When we got to the beach, Hope reached for the picnic basket, but I slapped her hand away. “No, I’m carrying these, you go and look for a good spot to sit down” she sighs “Kelley, you can’t carry everything; how are you going to carry the surfboards with the basket, chairs, umbrella and blanket?” “Ok fine you can help, take the chairs and umbrella, I’ll take the other stuff” she smiles at me “Fine, just make sure to bring the food first. And don’t drop anything.” She carries all of her stuff with ease, I should have asked her to take one surfboard too, I have too much stuff to carry, and I don’t want to take two trips. Somehow I get everything in my hands and out of the car, I look around for Hope, she got a pretty nice spot and she already has the umbrella set up. She looks up at me and shakes her head before heading in my direction, and I start walking towards her.

Kelley looks like she is going to fall over at any second; I have the umbrella already set up so I head over to her to help her carry some of the stuff. She has a surfboard under each arm and the basket with the blanket in one hand, but before I reach her someone bumps into the back of one of the surfboards, which throws her off balance, before hitting the other surfboard making her fall over. The person who bumped into her doesn’t even stop to look what happened, I run over to help her up “Are you ok?” I look around to see if the guy that bumped into her but I couldn’t, “Let me help you up” “I’m ok, but the food isn’t” she looks so sad. “It’s ok Kell, don’t worry about it, we can still surf right?” “Yeah, but I promised you food; and you‘re hungry, now I ruined it.” “You didn’t ruin it; the idiot that walked into the surfboard ruined the food. Come on” I lead her over to the umbrella and unfold one of the chairs she packed; “Sit down and we’ll decide what we are going to eat, ok” “Ok” she looks like a little mopey kid “Come on Kell, cheer up, we’re at the beach, I’m going to go get us some food at the food trucks over there. And after we eat and relax for a while, you can teach me how to surf, how does that sound?” “It sounds good, thank you baby” she smiles at me; I lean in and give her a peck on the lips. I get some burritos at the food truck, with some drinks, and I even got a cookie for Kelley, “I hope these burritos are as good as they smell” “Burritos! I love these” “Guess I made a good choice then” she looks much better than she did when I left to get the food. After eating the burritos, that were very good, we sat in our chairs and slowly sipped our drinks, Kelley kept giving me this look that was distracting me a lot “Would you stop that” “Stop what?” “You know what” “I’m not doing anything” “Then why are you looking at me like that” “Because you are amazing, and I love you” I smile brightly at her “I love you too.”

“How about you rub me down with some sunscreen, and we can start our lesson” “Rub you down?” “Well yeah, you can add some rubbing to putting on the sunscreen” she laughs at me “I wouldn’t mind, in fact I’m pretty sure I would enjoy it” she groans “If you keep talking like that we won’t get to surf today” “I would be ok with that too” she visibly perks up at this “Really? You would leave right now, with me to have, to….well you know” sometimes I don’t understand why she can’t say sex to me, “Why don’t you just say it” “Say what?” “Sex, we can leave now and have sex, if you want to” she looks at me, her face went from smiling and happy to defensive “Sex, you want to have sex?” “Well, yeah” I reach out to stroke her face but she stops my movement “Kelley, you and I have never had sex, and I hope we never will, the day we only have sex, is the day I would be really worried about our relationship. Anyone can just have sex, having sex doesn’t mean there are any feelings involved, and there are definitely feelings involved between us.” I can see she is upset by what I said, but I didn’t mean it that way “Baby, I didn’t mean it that way, I love you and when we are together I hope you can feel it. But it just feels weird to say making love, when people say that I just cringe, you can’t actually make love, love is a feeling not something you make, you can show love but not make it. And sleeping together can imply just sleeping, which is not what I meant either, since we won’t be sleeping at all.” She pulls me in for a hug “That’s why I can’t say it, since it is not sex, or any of the others.”

“But you promised me a surf lesson so we aren’t going to go home just yet” “Are you serious?” “Yes, besides we just got here, I need me some sunshine.” “You better make this up to me” “Well you better be able to teach me how to surf” “You’ll be surfing by the end of the day, trust me.” I couldn’t believe that she would rather learn to surf than go home, but the prospect of teaching her was getting more appealing the more I thought about it. Hope looks good in a swimsuit, like really good, and then I can get to see all her muscles work to keep her on the board, I started fantasising about it, she must have noticed, since I got a slap on the shoulder. “Ow, what was that for?” “Get your mind out of the gutter” “I wasn’t doing anything” “I’m pretty sure you were” “How would you know anyway?” “Your face tells me everything” “No it doesn’t” “It’s like an open book.” “Really, then what am I thinking right now?” “That you want to teach me how to surf.” My mouth parted a little, how did she know that “How did you” “Your face.”

Why would anyone want to surf, this was so hard, and not fun at all, I feel like a wet dog “Kelley why are we doing this again?” “So we can go surfing together” I just look at her, “That’s the only reason?” “Don’t you want to go surfing with me?” “I’m not really a fan of doing things in the ocean, I would prefer sitting on the beach, reading a book watching you surf.” “You want to watch me surf?” “You look good when you surf, and I like watching you, is that a crime?” “No, not at all, do you want to go home now?” “Yes I do, but after some food, I believe you promised me fish taco’s. All this surfing has made me hungry” “Fine, but after the food we are going home” “What’s the rush” “Let’s just say I like watching you surf too.”

On the drive back, Kelley kept leaning on me, she put her head on my shoulder and her hand on my thigh. The window was open since the air conditioning didn’t work and the wind was making her hair flail all over the place, she was humming along to the radio and she had her eyes closed. It was times like this that I wished I could take a picture without her knowing, so I can capture her natural beauty, it never seems to work when she is aware of the picture. When we finally make it back to her place it finally dawns on me that she lives with roommates, “Kelley, where are your roommates?” “Not here” “And how do you know that?” “They knew you were coming and decided to go visit some of their friends in other states, so we have the place all to ourselves for the entire weekend.” “The entire weekend?” “The entire weekend.” We are still in the car but she still kisses me in a way that tells me I’m in for something.

“That’s not fair” I say when she plants a kiss in the spot where my jaw, ear and neck intersect, she knows it’s my sensitive spot, I can’t control myself when she starts focussing on that area, and it’s been a while since we had a chance to be together it was working even faster. I move my head to the side so she can have even more access to the area, her fingers start working on my shorts; she slowly moves her fingers over my abdomen before pulling on the front of my shorts, moving it slowly down before leaving it low on my hips. She moves her hands to my back and pulls me closer to her, my hands are under her shirt moving up her muscled back, god I love the feel of her back. She starts walking backwards and it takes all off my co-ordination to not fall over, when my knees finally hit the sofa, I sit down on it immediately, Hope takes my shirt of and starts kissing down my neck toward my sternum, her hands pull down my shorts and she moves up to kiss me on the lips while guiding me to lay down on my back. When I’m on my back she moves back to the spot on my neck and a moan escapes my lips, I can feel her smirk against my neck, before she continues slowly down, she was teasing me. She licked in between my breast before nipping at my chin; her hands were rubbing and massaging my thighs, lightly scratching them sometimes. She moves to my navel and starts kissing around it, her hands this time move to my breasts and they massage them, she starts kissing lower and I can feel my anticipation growing. 

She kisses the top of my mound and her hands move towards my inner thighs again, she blows on my clit and it feels strange and good all at the same time. She gently puts one finger inside and I exhale loudly; her mouth starts working on my clit and her finger starts moving in and out. It didn’t matter that this was the first time in a couple of weeks that we were together, but she still hits the right spots, she adds another finger and rotates slightly to the right. Now she adds sucking to the licking of my clit while moving her fingers in and out, hitting the spot every time she curls her fingers up, and to prolong my torture she doesn’t curl her fingers every time she pushes in. But as soon as I show her my impatience by putting my hands on the back of her head she doesn’t make me wait too long. My breathing increases exponentially and I feel the tremors start, she increases the pace ever so slightly and that’s all it takes to send me over the edge. I let out a long low moan, my hips go up and my back arches, even with this she keeps her fingers inside, and her mouth connected to my clit. Just when I feel like it’s about to end; she starts moving again and prolongs the wave just a little longer. When my back finally hits the sofa again, I can feel my heart beating wildly in my chest, I also realise how hard I am breathing, “We need to do this more often” “I think your roommates will be opposed to that” I laugh “I’m sure of it” I pull her up and kiss her. As soon as I get my breath back it will be her turn.

I’m making sandwiches for the both of us, just humming softly to myself, when her hands come out of nowhere and rest on the counter, trapping me between her and the counter. She kisses the back of my neck and the smile on my face is unmistakable, she places her head against the back of mine and inhales deeply. “You smell amazing” she moves my hair to the side and kisses my neck moving to my shoulder. “And that food looks amazing” she wraps one arm around my waist pulling me closer. Her mouth was over my ear and she whispers “You wore me out.” I smile “That’s a first” “Mmmmmm, guess I’m getting old” I turn around and kiss her “Or you just had an early flight. Go sit down while I finish.” “What if I don’t want to” I smile again “I thought I wore you out?” “Well, you in your shorts and bra, in the kitchen, making food; has given me a second wind.” “Sandwiches first, then you can have your way with me.” She kisses the back of my neck; and my whole body breaks out in goose bumps. After our sandwiches she did have her way with me, more than once.

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We were dominating in our first match against the Dominican Republic, I was happy but sad at the same time, before the match Pia told me that I will not be making it to the field today; I wasn’t doing my job on the field, so I was benched until she saw improvement. It was a hard blow, but one I was expecting, just not so soon I guess. I was cheering with everyone else wanting the team to do good even though I wasn’t on the field, and then things just went wrong. Ali got hurt, she was down for a while and the replay on the big screen did not look good, it looked terrible. I was worried about her till she came out with the cast, she seemed upbeat about it which made me feel better, but we had to wait until tomorrow to get the final word. When the news wasn’t good, I felt really bad for Ali, she was an amazing player and an even better person, when I hugged her before she left I had tears in my eyes. I was still in shock when one of the coaches told me that Pia wants to see me in her room, I trudge down the hall to her room and I knock slowly on the door, I hear Pia’s voice telling me to come in. When I walk out of the room I am in even more shock, that didn’t just happen, it’s impossible, that didn’t just happen did it? I feel an arm slung over my shoulder “You ok Kell?” “No, I’m not” “What’s wrong?” “I’m going to be a defender” “What?” “Pia just told me she wants to try me in Ali's position.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy the new chapter.Feel free to let me know what you thought


	26. A little piece of Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took forever, but I changed my mind on where I want the story to go, I rewrote this chapter about four times. I just needed it to be right. This also contains a bit of a prompt from phm who wanted the team to find out about them being shot. There is also a big time jump indicated by the x's

I’m still kind of shocked that I’m here, I know that was the whole idea; that was why I worked so hard, but I’ve never seen myself as a defender, and after my blunder during the New Zealand game, I really thought I was done as a defender, but here I am on a plane heading to England, heading to the Olympics and hopefully heading towards a gold medal.

I was surprised when I was asked by Heiff to do an interview for Studio 90, the ‘stars’ of the team where usually asked to do interviews, but of course I wasn’t going to say no, especially when he told me that a lot of the fans asked for an interview with me. I was nervous before the interview, I kept changing my clothes, and when I finally decided on something I felt like it was all wrong. “Kelley relax! It’s not like you’re going on national television” “What if I look stupid?” “Kelley, you’re like a big goof ball, since when do you care what people think?” “Since I realised that there are actually people who are taking notice of me.” “They took notice of you when you were a big goof ball why should that change now?” “Ok you have a point, I’ll see you after the interview Al” “Kel, one more thing” “Yeah?” “Change your shirt, that one looks terrible with the grey pants” “Alex! Are you being serious?!” “Yes” she throws a black shirt at me “Put that one on, it will look so much better” when I change my shirt I realise this is the outfit I started with. After the interview I felt a lot more relaxed, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

It was the day before our match against Korea; I had just finished my shower after practice and walked into a locker room filled with laughter, “What’s going on?” “Tobin was just telling us about the scar on her leg” I was a little confused “Why is everyone laughing?” “Because the story is hilarious.” Next thing I know Pinoe is sharing a story about one of her scars, “We are sharing stories about scars?” “We watched your video and it inspired us” “What?” “You gave Mittsy a scar to remember you by, now we are sharing our scar stories I guess” “Cool, any stories I need to hear?” “Surprisingly Hope actually shared the story of the scar she has on her forearm. That must have been brutal” “The scar from the goalpost hook? Yeah that looks like it was nasty” “What about you Kell, anyone scars you want to tell us about?” I shake my head “Not really” “Come on, what about the scar on your shoulder, I’ve always wondered about it” I glance around; my eyes lock with Hope’s “It’s nothing, it was just a scratch.” “It doesn’t look like a scratch; it looks like something was jabbed in there.” “It’s nothing” “I bet it’s embarrassing, is that why you don’t want to tell us?” I look at Hope again, she gives me what looks like a small shrug, which I take as a sign that I can do what I think is best. I decide to tell them since Alex can be like a dog with a bone.

“I got it when I was shot” I hope that is enough information, but I know it won’t be, a big part of the team burst out laughing “Yeah right, if you’re going to lie about it, at least make it believable” “Come on Kell, tell us what really happened.” “I just did, I got shot when I was sixteen” “What ever happened can’t be that embarrassing” “I’m serious Alex, someone shot me when I was sixteen, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time” Alex looked at me suspiciously then she turned to Hope “Well you were living close the her when she was sixteen, was she really shot?” Hope points to the scar on her neck, it is only a small line now, but it’s still visible. “The bullet that gave me this, gave Kelley the scar on her shoulder” Alex’s mouth was hanging open “What the hell!” “You’ve both been shot!” “How did we not know about this?” “How the hell did you get shot?” “Whoa one question at a time please” “What happened?” Hope indicates that I should tell the story but I don’t really know how much detail she wants me to give about her father, “I think Hope should tell you, she saw more than I did, I just felt the shot”

The whole team turns to look at me, they are staring at me expectantly, and I am freaking out, should I tell them about my father, I can’t really leave that part out, but how much should I tell them about him. In this particular case he was a robber, so that’s all I’m going to tell them. Just as I come to this decision Kelley says “You don’t have to tell them every little detail if you don’t want to” I appreciate what she is trying to do, and I smile. Alex butts in and says “Of course she does, how can you tell a story without giving all the information” “She can tell you what she wants you to know Alex” “Which should be everything” This is when Tobin finally says “Can the two of you stop bickering and let her tell the story please?” Both of their faces flush pink when they realise that everyone is now staring at them “Sorry” they say in unison, and now all eyes are on me again “The whole thing started with my father” I see Kelley stiffen a bit, her eyes focussing intensely on me, but I’ve already decided how much I’m going to tell them “He isn’t a good guy. He was trying to rob an armoured van, and he was using the house that Carli and I were staying in as his headquarters. The shooting happened when we were heading back to the house from the robbery, I had tried to stop it and my father wasn’t pleased with me. He saw Kelley jogging by and wanted to teach me a lesson, but I crashed the car we were in before he could shoot at her. I got out and told Kelley to run back to her house since she was heading towards us after the crash. We were both running away when he started shooting at us, and the bullet that hit me here” I point to the mark on my neck, “Also hit Kelley in the shoulder. Luckily we got to her house pretty quickly, her mom called the police and my father took off and I haven’t seen him since.” I kept the story short and sweet, and only gave the relevant information.

I think this was one of the first times I have ever heard the locker room this quiet, everyone was just kind of looking at Hope and me, I was also in awe; I didn’t know that we were hit by the same bullet. I was also proud, I was so proud of her for finally talking to the team about her father; I know it must have been hard for her to do it but I’m so glad she finally did. After Hope’s story everyone kind of just walked to the bus, but as always slowly but surely everyone started to digest what Hope had said, and now they had kind of gotten over it and we were back to our rowdy selves, ready for our next match. Hope sat quietly in the back, she was just staring out of the window; it made me a little uncomfortable, usually when she does this, her walls start coming up, I just hope that it wasn’t happening right now. She must feel my eyes on her because she turns her head to look at me and when she gives me a smile, my stomach does a flip, and I feel relieved, she is okay.

After dinner I finally get the chance to tell her how proud I am of her for telling our teammates about her father, of course she left some things out, but they didn’t need to know everything right now. We are sitting on her bed, her head is in my lap and I’m brushing my fingers through her hair, “I’m so proud of you” “For wanting to cuddle?” “No! For talking about your father….. and wanting to cuddle, those are two big steps.” “It’s nothing” “It’s not nothing; you shared something important with our teammates, and I think this is the first time you asked me to comfort you.” “It’s not comfort, you’re soothing me, I’m a little stressed; we are in the Olympics you know” I smile “I know, but I am really proud of you” I lean down and kiss her, when I start to pull back she snakes her hand behind my head and keeps me from breaking the kiss. She deepens the kiss but I’m in a really uncomfortable position, I try to straighten up again and this time she moves with me. She is now sitting up and we continue to kiss, I feel like I’m in high school again, making out on a bed, hoping no one walks in. Things start to get a little heated and I would say that we are pretty much at the point of no return when as usual Carli walks in. “Damn it Hope! Didn’t I tell you to warn me when Kelley was going to be here” she is covering her eyes and both Hope and I know that this is the end of our time together. “Sorry Carli, we were just talking” she peeks through her fingers and points at us “That was not talking, unless I am missing something” she puts her hand down and looks at us. “I know you are dating and I know it’s stressful but really do you need to do that” Hope gives Carli a look and I know they are going to have some words as soon as I leave. “Well I’m going to go now, I’ll see again tomorrow” I give her a kiss, I can still feel my heart racing, and I am still very much excited, but there is nothing we can do now. The kiss lingers maybe longer than it should and Carli sighs loudly which I take as my cue to leave “Bye Carli” “Bye.”

“Did you have to do that” “This is my room too, and I am tired and want to go to bed” “Was your comment really necessary?” “What comment?” “Let me just put it this way, do you have to do that with Brain Carli?” “Come on Hope I didn’t mean anything by it, I just meant that did you have to kiss here every time, I’m pretty sure Kelley has a room too.” “Yeah, and what makes you think we don’t kiss in her room” “Because every time I come into this room I find you two in some compromising position that I cannot erase from my mind” “Stop being so dramatic, it’s not that bad, it’s only been three times” “It’s only been three times too many” “Fine, I’m sorry we will find privacy somewhere else next time” “Thank you, that’s all I’m asking for.”

Time flies by and before we know it, we are getting ready for the final. We didn’t have a lot of time together we were traveling so much between the different venues that finding time to just be was pretty much impossible. The locker room was filled with nervous energy, the good kind of nervous energy. “You ok there?” “Just a little nervous” “You’ll be great, just do what you know how to do” “I want to win so badly, I don’t think I can take it if we lose again” I cup her cheek with my hand “Don’t think like that, if you lose in your mind, you lose on the field, and you are not a loser” “This coming from the number one goalkeeper in the world, I guess it must be true” “You bet your sweet ass it’s true” I have never heard Hope use those words before, I don’t think she has ever even thought about those words before, she looks completely shocked and embarrassed at the same time, I start laughing and so does she. It feels like time is moving super-fast and in the blink of an eye the match is about to start, we are in our normal huddle before the whistle blows, Hope gives us her usual pep talk, we encourage each other like we always do. We do the break and I start to jog to my position when I hear Hope call my name, I jog back to her “What’s up” “I believe in you, now kick butt out there today” I smile and turn, she slaps me on the butt, usually I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my face when she does this, but this time I’m a little too nervous to smile but thankful all the same. 

My heart didn’t stop racing through the whole match, the adrenaline kick started it, but the match was like a yo-yo, we came close to scoring, they come close too. We score, they score, we score and they almost score. I don’t even know how I kept that ball out of the net but I did and that is all that mattered, we win and I am elated, we are winners and the weight from the last year has been lifted from my shoulders, finally. I don’t know what to do with all this extra energy I have gotten from the win I want to run and jump and sing and roll around and just do anything and everything, but the one thing I really want to do I can’t and I know it, so I settle for a big hug and whispers of I love you. We put on our shirts and swing people around and sing and take pictures, I don’t know for how long we are on the field before we head to the lockers to shower and change for the medal ceremony, but the first thing I do as soon as we are in the locker room, away from all the cameras and fans, I grab Kelley around the waist her back is towards me but I hear her laugh, I pull her towards me and she laughs even louder. I finally turn her around and I kiss her, I’ve wanted to kiss her since the whistle blew, it’s probably one of the most emotional kisses I have ever given, a kiss not just filled with love, or desire, but a kiss filled with every kind of good emotions. And that night was probably one of the best nights of my life, celebrating with everyone and celebrating with Kelley. 

When I wake up the next morning Hope is still asleep, this is a rare thing indeed, Hope is usually up and about before I even consider consciousness. I don’t get to see her like this often; I think this has only happened twice before, but it is really something to behold. Hope completely relaxed and carefree, she doesn’t have her walls up, she isn’t defensive the whole time, and she doesn’t have that slight scowl on her face. I trace her face lightly trying to remember every contour the way it is, I can’t help but stare at her; I feel her chest movements change and I know she is starting to wake up, she groans a little and blows out some air through her mouth. I laugh a little and wonder if she always does this when she wakes up; she opens one eye and looks at me, she has a faint smile on her face “What are you looking at?” her voice is a little raspy and it is like she added fuel to my desire. “I’m looking at you” and I kiss her, it starts off with a little nip here and there, but it quickly escalates. And for once I am the one looking down at her, she wraps her arms around my waist, I lean down to kiss her then she tries to roll us over, but I fight back and I keep myself on top she moans into the kiss, and tries again to roll us over. “Stop that” I say against her lips “Why?” “I like the view” she laughs “Well I wouldn’t mind waking up like this every morning.” I get hit against the head with something “I don’t want to wake up like this every morning” “Ow, what was that?” “A pillow, now stop that or find somewhere else to go” I feel embarrassed, how long has Carli been here, I think she reads my mind since she adds “I was just starting to fall asleep when you started doing that. Go back to sleep, or go somewhere else.” I snuggle into Hope and she wraps her arms around me “I guess we are going back to sleep.”

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I fall back onto the bed sweat covering my body, breathing heavily, my body aches in all the right places, I close my eyes and smile “I missed you too” I hear the laughter in her words “That was an I love you. I don’t know if I should be hurt or upset that you can’t tell the difference” I’m still breathing heavily “I’m sorry Kell, I can’t seem to think straight right now” I feel the bed dip next to me, I open my eyes “Well then I did my job” she leans over and kisses me. It didn’t take long for it to become more than just a kiss “Mmmmmm noooo, we have to go get some food” “I don’t want food right now, I want something else” her lips are on mine again “Hmmm clearly, but I can’t go another round” she pulls away and smirks at me “Did I wear you out?” I sigh, we made a bet a while ago and I am about to lose, but I’m just too hungry and exhausted to care that much right now “Yes, you wore me out. Can we go get some food now?” she raises her hands in victory “Yes, but after a shower.” After the shower I am beyond starving but Kelley doesn’t seem to be hungry at all, she usually has certain tells that she is hungry “You can’t not be hungry, you’re always hungry” “Hey, I won the bet, no more jabs at my appetite” “Fine, but come on, you are hungry” “Of course I am, you made me work really hard for my victory, now drive and let’s get some food”

When I wake up the next morning Hope is looking at me “You know that is creepy” “You’re too beautiful not to look at” I smile brightly “You really do have a way with words” “That’s why you love me, you can’t deny it” “I do love you, but for completely different reasons” she smiles at me and says “I could get used to doing this every day.” My heart rate increases “Are you asking me something”, she looks at me confused, “I don’t think so?” I sigh “I’ve been staying here for almost the entire month, do you want me to stay forever” she laughs “Are you talking about marriage” “No! I was thinking about moving in, but do you want to get married” “No! Not at all” I feel this pit in my stomach “You don’t want to get married ever or you don't want to get married any time soon?” "I've never thought about it" "Are you serious?" "Yeah" "You don't want to get married?" "Do you?" "Yeah! Eventually" "Really?" "What's the point of having a relationship if you don't plan on spending the rest of your lives together?" "We are already spending our lives together; do we need to get married?" "You really don't want to get married?" "I really don't I don't see myself as someone who is going to get married." It feels like the floor as given way under my feet and I'm just free falling, I have this lump in my throat "When where you planning on telling me that you don't want to get married, ever!?" "I didn't think it would be an issue" "Well it is, what the hell are we doing if you don't want to get married, why even be in a relationship, you can just have a bunch of one night stands" "I want to share my life with you, I just don't want to marry you." That last statement has me up and out of bed "Where are you going?" "I can't be here right now, I feel like I am being suffocated" I rush out of the house I don't take anything with me I just get into the car and drive.

It has been hours since Kelley left, she didn't take her phone with her, or her wallet, I'm getting worried what if she is stuck somewhere and can't get back. I'm on the verge of calling the police when I hear the car outside, I sigh in relief thank goodness she's back, I rush to get outside to see her but my heart drops when I see her. It's clear she has been crying and that she is still very upset, I want to just hug her and make her feel better, but as soon as I try to she moves away from me "Kelley?" "I can't do this" "What are you talking about?" "I can't spend my time on someone who doesn't want a solid committed relationship” “I do want that" "No! You don't, if you did marriage would mean something to you" "I don't understand what that has to do with anything, I love you, I want to be with you" "There is no commitment there Hope, you can walk away whenever you want to, without any repercussions, you don't have to fight if you don't want to and there will be nothing to fight for if you aren't committed to someone." "I don't need to be married to be committed to you." She shakes her head, and tears start to roll down her face "If you can't put your commitment down on paper, if someone who doesn't know you can't see that you are committed it means you aren't. I've always wanted what my parents have, and I thought I found it, but I can't be with someone who won't acknowledge the special person in their life." "No one needs to know about my private life, who cares if I'm in a relationship or not" "You may not, but I do, I want to be able to have kids and a house and everything that comes with that" "You can still have it" "No, I can't I’ve always wanted that with my wife." "People do get divorced! And now you want kids too?" “I know people get divorced but how much easier would it be if you could just walk away instead of having to get a divorce, being married may actually make you want to fight for what you have, and yes I do want to have kids eventually too. But let me guess you don’t want kids either” “Fine, so getting married makes it harder to just walk away. With my childhood I would be crazy to want kids, want can I offer a kid anyway, nothing!” “That’s your problem sometimes, you have so much potential, but you are too afraid of it, too afraid to change to see what you can actually achieve” “So what, changing is hard, you have no idea what it feels like, to be completely uncomfortable in your skin, completely uncomfortable around people and it feels like everything that can go wrong will go wrong, and you have no idea how to act or react, that is not a fun situation to be in, and sometimes you have to do it, but would you willingly put yourself in that situation, no one in their right mind wants to put themselves in that situation” “Everyone changes, some people just seem set against it. Look I just want to get my stuff and go ok” “Go where?” “Go back home, back to Jersey” “So is that?” “What more do you want me to say, you don’t want to get married you don’t want to have kids, and I do, I really, really do, I thought that you did too. But you don’t and you don’t plan on changing your mind and neither do I.” “So I have to change and you don’t” “I’m not perfect I know that, but bringing a child into this world, or even just taking care of a child will never ever be wrong, and no one will ever change my mind on this, but I can’t take care of a child by myself, and I won’t do it with someone who won’t commit to me, or our relationship” I felt a physical pain in my chest, it feels like someone is cutting into me, I had nothing else to say, I was angry and upset I wished that I could just go back to this morning when everything was still ok, but I can’t go back.

She didn’t respond and I went inside, I called a cab and I packed everything that was mine, I stuffed it into my bag and went outside to wait “You don’t have to stand out there” I didn’t think I would see her before I left “It’s fine, the cab should be here soon” “Where you just going to leave?” “What am I supposed to do? I don’t know how to handle this, I don’t just want to leave, but I feel like I can’t look at you” “Well good job on that, you haven’t looked at me yet.” I see the cab coming up the street and my heart starts racing, the closer it gets the faster my heart beats, for some reason I am holding onto this little piece of Hope that she will stop me, that she will tell me she want me to stay, she wants us to work on this. “Bye Kelley, I’ll see you soon?” Those words probably hurt more than they should, when I say “Goodbye” my voice breaks and that’s all I say. I get into the cab I feel like I am barely holding it together “The airport please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So some drama, I hope you liked the chapter and story so far. Leave me a comment if you want.


	27. Heartbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow look at that another update :) Also this entire chapter is just about Kelley.

I’m barely holding it together on the plane, every now and then a tear escapes and rolls down my cheek. I try and focus on the book I have but I’m still staring at the same word I’ve been looking at since I got on the plane. I see movement out of the corner of my eye and I turn to look, a little boy is hunched down trying to look at my face, when he sees me turning to look at him he gives me a shy little smile, I try my best to return it. He looks back and I assume he is looking to see if his parents are looking at him then he comes to sit next to me, he boldly says “What’s wrong with you?” he kind of makes we want to laugh, he is swinging his feet a little since they don’t reach the floor “It’s nothing too serious little man” I only have a broken heart “Then why are you crying” “I’m just a little hurt that’s all” “My mommy says it’s ok to cry if your hurt” this does get a smile from me “I think your mommy is right about that.” “Can I see it?” “See what?” “Where you are hurt?” “You can’t see it little man, it’s on the inside” “Cool do you have a fracture?” “A fracture, do you even know what that is?” “Yeah, it’s a broken bone, but you don’t have a cast” “Whoa, hold on how old are you?” “I’m six” “No way are you six years old” “Yes I am” “Then why do you sound like my doctor?” “My mom is a doctor, I like reading some of her books.”

I instinctively mess up his hair “Well aren’t you a smarty pants” he smiles at me confidently “Yeah, so what is wrong with you” I feel like I might as well tell him it’s not like it is going to make any difference “Well, I have a broken heart” his eyes go wide “You can get a broken heart?” “Unfortunately you can” “Can you die from it?” “I don’t know little man, but it feels like it” he puts his little hand on mine “Do you know what can make you feel better?” I smile at him “You are doing it” “Then I’m going to stay with you” “Won’t your mommy mind?” he seems to think about it for a little bit “I’ll be right back” he jumps off the seat and runs off. He is such a cute little guy; it makes me sad and happy at the same time; how can Hope not want a little kid? They bring so much joy. The thought of Hope make me really sad again and I feel the tears welling up “Don’t cry I’m back” I quickly wipe away the tears “Me hero” he takes my hand in his “How did you break your heart? I want to know so I don’t break mine” I give him a wry smile “I don’t think that’s possible, I think everyone will get their heart broken at least once in their lives” his eyes go wide “But I don’t want to have a broken heart, what if it can’t get fixed and I die?” “Don’t worry; I don’t think anyone has ever died from a broken heart, and your heart can get fixed, it just takes some time” “How long have you had a broken heart?” “For a few hours now” “Does it hurt?” “A lot” he rubs his little hand over mine “Why don’t we do something fun like colouring?” “That sounds like fun, but I don’t have any colouring pencils or even a picture to colour” “That’s ok, I have then, I’ll go get them.”

He comes back with a backpack filled with everything needed to do crafts, at least what a little boy would need. He hands me a book and takes out one for himself, he takes out colouring pencils and puts them on the food tray “We can share” “I would love that” we colour in silence and it makes me feel better I’m not sure if it’s because of the colouring or the little boy, but it’s taking my mind of things “Wow you are good at that” he says when he looks at my picture. I glance at his picture and it’s not great, but then again he is only six years old “Yeah right, says the Picasso next to me” he smiles at me and continues colouring; when we finish he signs his at the bottom “You have to do it too” “Ok” I sign mine at the bottom “Do you feel better?” “I do; thank you?” “Do you want to tell me now how you got a broken heart” “You are really curious aren’t you?” “My mommy told me that you can only learn by asking questions and there is no such thing as a stupid question” “Your mommy sounds like she knows what she is talking about” “Well she should, she is a doctor” I smile at this “That is true” he looks at me this time in a kind of pleading voice he asks again “Can you tell me how you got your broken heart?” I don’t feel like telling the story but he has already stolen a little piece of my heart.

“Well I fell in love with someone” he looks at me and says “What does love have to do with a broken heart?” “If you give me a chance to finish you can find out. So I fell in love with someone, and everything was great, we worked well together, I think I changed her live for the better I know she changed mine. Well I thought we were heading for living together and getting married, starting a family, but then I found out that she doesn’t want any of those things and it broke my heart” “He looks at me confused “I don’t understand, how did that break your heart?” “I still love her, and it hurts me to think that we won’t have the chance to have the life I’ve always wanted with her.” “Why not?” “Because she doesn’t want it” “How do you know that?” “She said so?” “Why doesn’t she want it?” “I don’t know, she said she has never seen herself as someone who will get married, and I guess she won’t” “What about a kid” “It’s not a good idea to have a kid without marriage” “My mommy isn’t married and she had me” I don’t really know what to say, I don’t know why his mother isn’t married I don’t anything about him to be honest “What about your daddy?” “I don’t have a daddy.” I feel so bad for him, everyone should know their father or at least have someone who can be their father “I’m sorry about that” “It’s ok, I have my mom, and she loves mommy” I smile “You have two moms?” “Yes” “Does that bother you?” might as well find out what it’s like for a kid to grow up with two moms “Why should it?” “Because most people have a mom and a dad and you have two moms.” “Why does that matter?” “Don’t other kids make fun of you?” “No, some of them think I’m really lucky” “Why?” “I have two moms that love each other, some of my friends have a mom and a dad, but they don’t love each other anymore.”

The seatbelt sign goes on and the captain says that we are going to land in a few minutes; I help him pack up everything into his bag “Shouldn’t you go back to your mom?” “She will wait for me at the door; that is what we agreed on.” I smile at him, “You really are a smarty pants aren’t you.” “Everyone says that” “And you are modest too” he smiles at me when we start our decent he grabs my hand “I don’t like it when the plane goes down” “Don’t worry buddy, me neither” and I hold onto his hand. When the plane lands I walk with him to the door to make sure he doesn’t get lost and that he does get back with his mother, he sees her instantly and runs over before jumping into her arms, she gives him a kiss on the cheek “Did you have fun with your friend?” he shakes his head “Mommy this is Kelley” I’m sure I look shocked I didn’t tell him my name and I don’t know his “Uhm, how do you know my name” “My mom loves soccer” he smiles at me brightly his mother adds “She is a little obsessed with it.” I look at her and stick out my hand “Well it is nice to meet you; you have a very special little boy there” she shakes it and she smiles at him saying “We sure do, my name is Maddie by the way.” We walk towards the baggage area “Where are you two headed?” “We are going home” “We’re going to see mommy” Maddie smiles at him “Yes we are” I can’t help but be envious of her, she has this sweet little boy, and someone who loves her waiting for them to get back “That sounds great, I’m sure she has missed the both of you very much.” “I’m sure she will be happy to see us, I’m not so sure she has missed us” “Why would you say that?” “She is a bit of a workaholic; she works way too much” I glance down at her hand and notice that she doesn’t have a ring on.  
I’m itching to ask more but I have to go so I ask one more question before I get into a taxi “So where is home for you guys?” “Unfortunately we still have a way to go; we need to get out to New Jersey, I live close to Rutgers, because I teach there” I perk up a little I’m going to New Jersey too “Do you want to grab a cab together? I’m heading out to New Jersey too” I’m hoping she will say yes I like the little boy and it will be nice to have some company on the way home. “Uhm, yeah sure, why not; it will probably make the ride feel shorter.” “Great, do you need any help with your luggage, I only have like this one tiny bag” “Oh no, I only have this one bag with me too don’t worry about it” “Ok, well let me get a cab for us then.” “Ok thanks.” I don’t really need to get a cab since there are a bunch of them right outside of the airport, I call them over and we get into the cab, at first the little boy is all over me, playing and asking questions, but after about ten minutes he just falls asleep. “I’m sorry about that he can be a quite energized when he starts playing” “Oh it is ok, he is such a cutie.” “Not all the time” I smile “Well I’m glad that I only get to see this part” “Good save, most people just act awkwardly when I say that. I like you” “Thanks.” She just plays with his hair while he sleeps on her thigh; I want this someday, why doesn’t Hope want this? I guess I was staring because she said “Why don’t you just ask what you want to ask” I blush a little “I’m afraid it may be intrusive” “Well it won’t be the first time, so just go for it” “I noticed you don’t have a ring, are you married?” she smiles at me “It would depend on what you define as marriage” “It’s when two people get married, how else can you define it” “Well, are you talking about in the traditional sense of where you get married by a priest or preacher or whatever, in a church with friends. Or are you talking about a piece of paper that according to the law says you are married and spending your lives together. Those are two different definitions of marriage.”

“But getting married with your friends in attendance and someone to marry you leads to spending your life together doesn’t it” “For some people it does, but these days it seems like the day is more important than the spending their lives together. Some people are married, but they don’t talk to each other, they don’t share news, they don’t kiss, they live in the same house but lead different lives, and they had the big wedding day.” “Point taken, but are you married?” “Again what is your definition of marriage” “Spending your life together with a piece of paper that says it.” “Then I am married, I just never had the wedding day.” “Then why don’t you wear a ring?” “I do have one, I just wear it where everyone can see it, it gets in the way” “Why didn’t you have a wedding day?” “I had dreamt about my wedding day for a long time, and I had a wedding, but then things just didn’t work out the way I expected, and then I got pregnant, which wasn’t planned at all and he didn’t want to have baby, and we got divorced. I was broken, I had a new baby and no one to help me raise him, and then I met Bo. He was amazing and kind and I felt like I could breathe again, he was my only friend here; everyone else seemed to not know me as soon as they found out about the divorce. He didn’t care that I was divorced, but he freaked out when he found out about Ethan. I didn’t understand why till I found out he only wanted to sleep with me. I didn’t want to make that mistake again so I didn’t date I focussed on work and my son.”

A faint smile crosses her face “Then I met Lauren, it was completely unexpected and I freaked out, it was the first time I had ever felt anything like this for a woman. When I told her about the divorce and my son, she freaked out. A valid reaction I would say, we decided to just be friends, I needed a friend more than anything else at that time anyway, and for some reason she agreed. But we didn’t stay friends, one night she kissed me and it was something I had never felt before, it was just……special. After that I thought that my life was back on track again you know, I would settle down and have the family I’ve always wanted. But Lauren didn’t want it, she had a hard childhood, her parents are both brilliant doctors, but they didn’t do much for reinforcing her faith in love, and when I met them I completely understood why. She was also afraid of Ethan, afraid that she wouldn’t be able to connect with him, afraid that she would let him down like her parents did. She is a bit of a workaholic; she is good with her patients, but sometimes not so good with people in her life. We have had a bunch of fights about it, and she has gotten better at it and so have I about understanding where she is coming from, but one thing is for sure she doesn’t treat Ethan the way her parents treated her. She is so good with him; they have this bond that I sometimes envy, and sometimes the fight too, it is a little crazy. When she told me that she wanted to adopt Ethan I was so happy, until we found out that it is very hard to get an adoption approved if you aren’t married. We did the one thing we knew was best, we went to the courthouse and got the papers that said we were married, we didn’t make a big deal out of it, and no one knew about it, it was just between us. We didn’t exchange rings we just signed the papers and then we went to apply for an adoption.”

She sighs “It was a hard time in our lives, my ex-husband was not too happy about a woman wanting to adopt his son even though he wasn’t involved in his life. I’m lucky in a way since he didn’t pay child support and the courts agreed with me that he shouldn’t have a say in who raises Ethan if he isn’t interested in raising Ethan himself. After that whole issue was resolved Lauren could adopt Ethan. I still remember that day, I was so happy and she and Ethan surprised me with a ring” she has this big smile on her face and her eyes are watering a bit “She gave me this whole speech about how we aren’t a traditional family, but she wanted me to have a ring, because she knew I wanted one, and she wants me to be happy even if it means wearing a ring. I got her a ring too, we wear our rings around our necks, it is more practical for the both of us, and I guess it makes it easier for someone who doesn’t really believe in marriage to be married.” Her hand goes to her chest and she rubs it, it’s clear that she is rubbing her ring “Sorry about that, I just told you my life story and you didn’t ask for it.” “No, it is fine, it’s a great story, and it has given me something to think about. Can I just ask why Ethan thinks you aren’t married?” “He asked us for our wedding pictures once and we don’t have any. Now he thinks we aren’t married. We tried to explain we are but he doesn’t really understand.”

She gives me this look and this time it is my turn to ask “Ask what you want to ask” “Would you mind giving me an autograph, Lauren is such a big fan of you guys and she would die if she knew I was sitting in a car with you right now” I laugh for the first time in hours “Yeah sure, we could take a picture too” “Really? That would be great” “No problem” “Thanks, can I ask you another question?” “Sure go for it.” “Ethan said you were crying on the plane, do you want to talk about it, it’s fine if you don’t” she adds quickly. I sigh and I feel sad instantly, it was nice to hear a story with a happy ending, where it seemed to have worked out, I clear my throat “I uhm, it’s just that I broke up with my girlfriend today, so yeah” she pats me on the shoulder since Ethan is still sleeping on her lap “I’m sorry to hear that. Is that why you were so interested in marriage?” “Yeah, we had a fight about it, we broke up because she didn’t want to get married” “Are you sure about that?” I shake my head “She doesn’t want to get married, she doesn’t want to have kids either” “She can change her mind” I sigh and wipe away a tear “I really don’t think she will, she has a good reason for not wanting to have kids and I can understand why.” She rubs my back trying to make me feel better “Then maybe this is for the best” I shake my head “It doesn’t feel like it” “It never does, maybe there is something better coming” “I sure hope so.” 

When I finally reach my apartment my heart starts to race and for some reason I want to open my door and see Hope. I open my door and when there is no one there I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, no one is there, and no one is waiting. This makes me feel even worse and I burst out into tears, it is like it all hits me at once, we really broke up, I really don’t get to talk to her about my day anymore, I really don’t get to call her just because I want to and because I miss her, and I really don’t get to kiss her anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope you liked this chapter, and if you feel like it let me know what you thought in the comments.


	28. Back at camp

It was the first camp after the break up and I was angry, I don’t think I have ever been this angry before; I didn’t know if anyone knew about the break up, but they were avoiding me like the plague which I enjoyed immensely, I just couldn’t deal with people right now, especially my teammates who always seemed to be happy. I was also thankful that Carli was my roommate again, I don’t think I would survive if it was anyone else, she knew about the break up, and she knew me well enough to know when I wanted to talk and when I wanted to be left alone, and right now I wanted to be left alone. I stayed in our room since it was the first day and everyone was still getting into camp, for once I arrived early, and I wasn’t going to wait around for everyone to arrive. I had to go for dinner and I was dreading it, I hadn’t talked or seen Kelley in a month, I didn’t know how I would feel when I actually saw her. When I think of her I still feel so angry; I am still angry at her, and maybe the worst thing of all is that I feel like I cannot trust myself, my instincts let me down, when it told me I could trust Kelley, and now I have a broken heart and all my insecurities that I thought I had overcome have come rushing back.

I went downstairs and the first person I ran into was Tobin, she seemed like her normal relaxed self and I hated her for it “Yo Hope, what’s up dude?” she seemed genuinely interested which made me suspicious “Nothing” she looks at me quizzically “You seem upset dude, you ok?” I’m trying to find out if she is playing with me or if she is actually serious, but then I realise it is Tobin and she doesn’t have a mean bone in her body “Look I just want to go to dinner and get this over with, maybe I’ll talk to you later” I just kept walking, I really just wanted to get this over with. A lot of the other players still hadn’t arrived and there were a lot of empty tables, I sat by myself in the corner and started eating, when I look up I lock eyes with Kelley. It is like a punch to the gut, and I feel sick, I put down the fork not able to eat any more, I decide just to go back to my room, I didn’t know that she was here already and I can’t look at her. Just as I am about to get up she sits down across from me, the anger starts building “Hi” she says, at first I debate about if I should even reply, I look at her and I just get angrier so I decide to just get up and leave before I did something I would regret. When I leave I see that some of our teammates are looking, but I don’t care, I can’t be here right now. Outside the door I run into a blonde woman who looks a little lost “Hey, Hope, can you tell me where everyone is?” I don’t know who she is or how she knows my name, but I could care less, I’m angry and she is there “Don’t talk to me like you know me. I’m not your friend, now or ever, ask someone who cares.”

I didn’t know she was this angry, I thought she would have talked to me at least, and the look on her face was something I had never seen before, not even when she saw her father. I just wished she would listen to me, it may have taken me a month to work through all my thoughts, and everything I learned but I felt like now I can properly say what I want to say to her, I just need her to listen. “What was that about, did you guys have a fight?” “We had a fight a month ago” “Whoa you have been fighting for a month?” “No Tobs, we aren’t together anymore” “Wait! What?” “We broke up, but I don’t think it was the right decision” “You broke up with her, why?” “It’s a long story Tobs, I don’t want to get into this right now; I think I’m just going to go to my room” “You sure?” “Yeah Tobs, I’ll see you tomorrow” “Ok, see you tomorrow dude.” “Yeah, have fun with Alex” “She’s not here yet” she pouts a little “Chin up Tobs she will be here soon; then you can have some fun.”

I can’t sit still, I feel like hitting something, I need to hit something, I grab some water, a towel and the tape I use to wrap my hands before heading to the hotel gym, I know no-one will be there since they all plan on catching up first. I wrap my hands, I make sure that they are tightly wrapped; I don’t want to hurt myself. I turn on the music, I step in front of the punching bag, I take one deep breath, and I let my fists fly. I breathe out after every hit, soon I don’t even hear the music, I just hear the sound of my fists hitting the bag, I keep punching and punching till my arms are burning and I can barely breathe. I lay down on the ground trying to get my breath back; I close my eyes and listen to my breathing in and out, in and out, in and out, it reminds me of the last night I spent with Kelley and I get angry again “Fucking hell.” I then realise that the music isn’t playing anymore, I turn onto my side trying to figure out why it stopped when the one person I don’t want to see is sitting there looking at me. I instantly tense up, “You have got to be kidding me” “Can I talk to you?” I grab my towel and dry my face trying to control myself “Well I wanted to talk a month ago and you didn’t seem interested” “I know, and I’m sorry” I feel like crying and laughing at the same time. I drink some water “I don’t have anything to say to you anymore” I walk toward the door, but Kelley is quick and she reaches it before I do. “Please just let me….” I don’t give her a chance to finish; I pick her up and put her down behind me before walking out.

What the hell just happened, did she actually just pick me up; it takes me a while to realise that Hope has left. I pull open the door and run after her “Hope!” but she is gone. What the hell, how did she get away so quick, I run towards the elevators but it’s not moving, I go to the stairs when I open the door it is deadly quiet. “Damn it!” I push my hair behind my ear, I kick the door shut and I walk back the elevator, I push the button and I waited for the doors to open. This is going to be harder than I thought; I was hoping that she would at least have something to say to me, even if she yelled at me it would have been at least something. I walk slowly to my room, keeping my eyes peeled for Hope, I see Carli and I run to catch up to her. “Hey, do you know where Hope is” when I see Carli’s face I didn’t know who is madder at me Hope or Carli “She doesn’t have anything to say to you” “Please I need to talk to her, it’s important” “It’s not important to her anymore so stay away, she doesn’t want to see you” “Carli, I know she is mad, I know I screwed up, but she needs to hear what I have to say” “No she doesn’t! You’ve done enough already” “Look I need to tell her something important” “I don’t care, if she doesn’t want to talk to you, she doesn’t want to talk to you, so leave her alone.” I wasn’t going to get anywhere with Carli, and I couldn’t blame her I would have done the same thing if it was my best friend. I sigh before heading to my room; this day did not go as I planned, I didn’t expect it to be this hard. Tobin and Alex are on the bed making out “Aaargh seriously” I’m happy they are happy, but I don’t want to see this right now “Sorry Kell, I just got in” “Yeah, I was just saying hi” “I know, I’m just so frustrated, this day did not go as planned” Alex gives me a sly smile “I’m sure Hope can help you with your frustration” I see Tobin shaking her head at Alex “Hope and I broke up” Alex is up and next to me in seconds she gives me a hug “Oh Kelley I’m so sorry, what did she do?” “It was my fault Alex, I really screwed up this time” “It can’t be that bad, she loves you, I’m sure she’ll forgive you” “Babe they’ve been broken up for a month.” Alex pulls me off her shoulder so she could look at me, “What?! Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” “I needed time to think ok, I needed to work things out, and now that I have I need to tell Hope about it, but she won’t listen.”

“Tobs and I will help you, right Tobs” “Uh I guess yeah” “I don’t know what you’ll be able to do, she hasn’t spoken a word to me, and when I tried to corner her in the gym, she picked me up and put me behind her so she could walk out of the door” “What, no way!” “Kell” Tobin says kind of quietly “Do you want to tell us what happened, I mean you guys looked happy.” “We were; until I messed it up, I was such an idiot” “What did you do, it can’t have been that bad.” “I broke her heart, and I had the stupidest of reasons for doing it” “Kelley, you are killing me over here, what did you do?” “I thought she was going to ask me to move in with her, I really thought she was. But then she brought up marriage and that she doesn’t want to get married, ever. I thought that we were going to get married eventually, and I had pictured us getting married. I thought I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t want the same things as me, and I left. But on the way back to Jersey, I met some interesting people and they made me realise that I was so focussed on the fact that Hope didn’t want to get married because of how she grew up instead of focussing on the fact that she loved me, she loved me and I threw it in her face because she didn’t want to get married. Who does that?” Alex rubs my back “Kelley you were just shocked” “I was an idiot, a complete idiot, I don’t even know what I was thinking” “You were blinded by the stupid stereotype that everyone seems to perpetuate, the whole get married and have kids deal, but that’s not a realistic dream for everyone” Alex turns to Tobin “You don’t want to get married?” she smiles at Alex “Babe if it means waking up to you every day I definitely want to marry you.” Alex walks over to Tobin and gives her a kiss, they get a little lost in their kiss and I clear my throat. They pull apart “You are the sweetest” I did not want to see this today “I’m going to go get some fresh air” I knew it would be better to just go; I needed to make a plan to get Hope to at least talk to me and they were not going to be of any help right now. I make myself a deal that when I go to bed I will have a plan.  
I wait behind the second door of the gym, waiting for Kelley to leave, there were a few seconds when I thought she wasn’t going to come after me. But she did and I didn’t want to talk to her, I couldn’t yet, I felt out of my depth, I was afraid this would make me say or do something I will regret. I’m so angry with her right now, but we are still part of a team, and I need to find a way to be professional, I know I need to find a way to talk to her, I just don’t know if I can. When I hear the door to the elevator open and close I peek out of the door, making sure she actually left. I go back to the punching bag and I hit it a few times, I’m a little out of breath but I feel too exhausted to continue, I’ll talk to Kelley tomorrow, I have to.

I’m up early, I know Hope gets up early I want to catch her before the rest of the team wakes up, I get dressed quickly not even bothering to tie my hair properly. I am a little surprised to see that Hope is waiting for someone, she even has an extra cup of coffee, I’m more surprised when she points at the chair across from her while looking at me. Hopefully she will listen to me but as soon as I sit down she says “I’m not interested in what you have to say, but we are here as a team, we need to act professional so I can’t keep avoiding you. I think it will be best to limit our interactions to the field, I don’t want to hang out with you after practice, I don’t want to go shopping with you, and I don’t want to explore the city. We do our jobs, we play; I can be civil, can you? The only thing I want to hear is: yes or no; if you say anything else I’m going back to my room.” This wasn’t what I was expecting but it did give me the opportunity I needed, if she didn’t want to talk to me know I can force her to talk to me later. “Yes, I can be civil.” “Good that was easy, now go away, I don’t need to talk to you till practice” “I will be civil, and I won’t bother you, but only if I can talk to you tonight.” I see her jaw tightening and she grips her cup tighter “Why would I do that?” “Because I don’t have to leave now, I can sit here and bother you, I won’t stop till you listen to me. You know I am persistent, and I can get Tobin and Alex to bother you too, they offered their help last night” she raises her hand “Fine, I will talk to you tonight after dinner, but once you said your piece will you leave me alone” “If you want me to leave you alone after that then I will, I promise” “Fine, can you leave now.” I smile at her she only frowns at me but I got her to agree to talk to me which I didn’t think I would be able to do so that’s a plus, “See you later.” She doesn’t reply she just stares at me, I now completely understand how she intimidates people, the look she is giving me is kind of scaring me.

Shit, why couldn’t it have been easy, but I should have known that this was going to happen, it is Kelley after all. I try to enjoy my coffee but my mood is ruined and so is the taste of the coffee, damn it, now I can’t even enjoy my morning cup of coffee. I throw it out and head for the door; it is still early I can go for a walk before breakfast; the fresh air is actually really nice. When I get back my mood has actually lifted, I don’t know if it is because of the walk or the fact that I get to play some soccer today, I’m going with the latter. Breakfast is the same as usual, except for the part that everyone is staring at me or Kelley, trying to figure out what went wrong I guess. I assume that everyone thinks it is my fault, won’t they be surprised that it was Kelley. On the ride to the field I feel my heart rate increase; I have been waiting to play a good competitive match in a while. When I put my gloves on I feel happy, I step onto the field and I feel excited, my excitement drops when I notice the blond girl form yesterday, she is a keeper too, shit now I have to practice with her too. When she sees me her eyes go wide and she steps away from me, at least I know that I can still scare the newbies. Paul makes the introduction and now I know her name is Ashlyn, her pedigree was good too, but we’ll see how good she really is on the field. 

I barely eat anything at dinner, I know Kelley is up to something she was just too happy this morning to agree, but so far she has kept her side of the deal so I’ll keep mine. I finish pretty quickly since I leave most of the food on my plate, I decide to go for a walk; I still have some time before meeting Kelley. During my walk I see a park with some swings; I haven’t been on a swing in years, there is no one there and I decide to take a chance. I sit down and take another look around, it is still quiet and empty, I push back with my feet against the ground, looking around once more before letting go and swinging forward. It feels nice to and I swing and I push harder to go higher, it feels nice to have the wind in my hair, I close my eyes and just swing for a bit. When I open them there is a little kid standing in front of the swing staring at me, I nearly fall of the swing, she folds her arms and says “The swings are for kids.” She has red hair and freckles all over her face, she reminds me of a raggedy Anne doll, but she has this fierce look in her eyes and she is wearing jeans and a t-shirt instead of a dress. “I know” I jump of the swing “But no one was around and I felt like swinging…on the swings” “It doesn’t matter” “I’m sorry little girl, I’m just going to go now” “You can’t just do what you want just because you are a grown-up” I turn to look at her “Ok, and what are you going to do about it?” she pulls at a little pad and writes something down, she rips it off and hands it to me “What is this?” I don’t bother reading it “It’s a ticket” I try not to laugh, but I fail miserably “What is it for?” “Inappropriate use of the swings” I smile at her and look down at the piece of paper, it actually looks like a traffic ticket; she even added that I had to pay $10 for my infraction. “Ten bucks for using the swings” “No, ten dollars for the inappropriate use of our swings” “Who is this our?” “The kids that built this park, it’s not cheap to keep everything looking nice you know” I have to say I’m a little impressed “I bet, and how did a bunch of kids build all of this” she gives me this look that I guess is supposed to make me feel like an idiot “We didn’t build it ourselves we paid someone to do it for us, and now we take care of it, we wanted a playground, but the city didn’t have money to make one for us so we made one ourselves” “Really, well in that case I should pay my ticket. Where exactly should I go to do that?” “If you read the ticket, there is an address on it, office hours are between 9 and 5.” I look at the ticket and sure enough there is an address on it “Well ok then I’ll make sure to pay it as soon as I can.” I see the time on my watch and realise that I’m going to be late “I have to go now” I lift up the ticket “I’ll make sure to pay this” “You do that” I have to say I like her. As I enter the hotel Carli sends me a text asking if I am aware that Kelley is waiting for me, I sigh there is no need to text back, I’ll be there in two minutes.

I can’t believe that she isn’t here; I’m starting to wonder if she is even planning on showing up, she is good at avoiding things….and people, and being alone in the room with Carli is really uncomfortable. She keeps giving me this look, after about ten minutes of waiting I feel like I should leave “I’m just going to go” “I just texted her, wait for her reply, if she says she doesn’t want to see you then you can leave” “Ok.” My hands feel sweaty, and there is this awkward silence in the room, I almost have a heart attack when the door opens. “Hey Carli, can you give us a few minutes?” she looks at Hope then back at me “Are you sure” Hope just shakes her head “Ok, I’ll see you later” when she gets up she gives me one last look. Hope moves to sit down on her bed “So what do you want to talk about?” “First I want to say I’m sorry” “For what?” “For the way I acted, it was a completely unnecessary and I’m sorry” “Ok.” Clearly she is not going to make it easy for me. “Next I want to tell you a short story” I can see that she is about to say something but I cut her off before she can “Just let me tell my story I’m sure you will understand when I’m done ok?” “Ok” “When I left that day, I was hardly holding it together, I was heartbroken, I thought that we were going to be a family one day, and that was all shattered. But on the plane I met this sweet little boy, and it made we wonder how you couldn’t want to have that one day, then I met his mother and she was amazing, and I briefly met his other mother and she was nice too.” She is just staring at me “They were this nice little family, and when I looked at Maddie and Lauren, they were so in love, even after all the time they had been together, they still had this love for each other that you could actually feel. Yes I would like to have a kid or kids someday, but the one thing I want more is someone to love like Maddie loves Lauren, and if that means that I can’t have a kid then it is fine with me.”   
I don’t really understand why she is telling me this story, and when she just looks at me expectantly I don’t know what she wants me to say “I don’t know what you want from me” she shakes her head. “Hope” she moves closer to me and I feel like moving away, but I’m frozen in place “I found the person who loves me the way Maddie loves Lauren” I feel like my heart is being broken all over again “Well good for you, did you really have to tell me that you found your soul mate after we broke up.” She places her hand on my shoulder “You can be really dense sometimes, my soul mate is you, I love you, I want you, it took me a day to realise that I had made the biggest mistake of my life and it took me a month to figure out how to tell you” this was not what I had expected and the words out of my mouth I’m sure isn’t what Kelley is expecting either “Get out” “What?” “Get out of my room Kelley, I don’t want to see you right now” she looks at me and there are tears in her eyes, I feel bad I do, but I can’t trust her anymore, not after what she did. She is just standing there, I get up from my bed “Get out Kelley, I can’t deal with this right now” but she just stands there a few tears have escaped and are streaming down her cheeks. I lead her out of the room and I close the door.

I don’t know how long I stand in front of the door, Carli comes back to her room, she looks at me and I can see that she is shocked to see that I am crying, but she doesn’t say anything, she opens the door and just as she is about to walk out I blurt out “I love her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter,lemme know what you think, any feedback is appreciated and encouraged.


	29. One night stand?

I can’t believe she said that, she had no right to say it; she had no right to leave everything up to me. I feel like I am pushed into a corner, I still love her, I do, but I can’t trust her. If we do try again and it doesn’t; work it’s my fault, since I took her back; if I don’t do anything and we are both miserable, it’s my fault, because I didn’t take her back. Fuck it why did she have to do that, why did she have to tell me that she still loved me. I’m pacing in my room, I’m sad, I’m angry, I feel like crying, I’m in pain and I am extremely confused; I don’t know what to do I feel like I am being suffocated. I didn’t even notice Carli till she speaks “Are you ok?” I smile and shake my head “I can’t remember the last time I have been this far away from ok” “Do you want to talk about it?” “I can’t talk about it right now” “Well if you want to talk I’m here for you” “Thanks Carls, I think I’m going to go for a walk” “Ok.” 

It is dark outside but I don’t care I need to get some fresh air, I need to move around I can’t be cooped up in my room. I wander around aimlessly and I find myself back in the park where I was earlier, it almost feels like a lifetime ago and not a few hours. I sit down on the swing again I doubt that the little girl will show up and fine me again. I pull out the ticket and stare at it; who charges someone 10 bucks for sitting on a swing, I look at the playground around me, there is a see-saw, some monkey bars, a slide, jungle gym and a metal merry-go-round, one of those that someone turns by standing next to it; I hadn’t seen one of those in ages. I put the ticket back in my pocket, I get off the swing and go to sit on the merry-go-round; I lay down on it and look up at the sky. Tonight is one of those nights where I wished I could see the starts, but it’s too bright in the city; I take another look at the merry-go-round it feels uneven. When I look a little closer I notice that the metal is rusted and is starting to bend, I walk over to the jungle gym, and again I see the same thing. I look at all the equipment and pretty much all of them are rusted, kids can’t play on these it’s dangerous, the only thing that look safe are the swings. I take the ticket out again, now it makes sense, she is trying to save the playground; I stuff the ticket back into my pocket and go back to the hotel.

LAST DAY OF CAMP

“Hey Kell you up for going out tonight” I sigh, I don’t feel like doing anything, I don’t want to go “Nah, I think I’m going to skip it, I don’t feel like going out” Alex crosses her arms “Look Kell, I know things are hard for you right now, but you can’t shut everyone out. Come out with us, even if it is for only one drink” I really don’t want to go; I don’t want to be with my teammates, for the first time ever they can’t cheer me up. “Alex, I know you are trying to help, but I really don’t feel up to it” she gives me a sympathetic look “Ok fine, Tobin and I will keep you company” “No, you guys should go, have fun, you don’t need to babysit me” “Well that’s too bad, if you don’t go we don’t go.” “Alex you are really killing me” “And besides Hope is going too” normally that would make me happy, but now it’s just making it worse “Alex she has barely talked to me since I told her I love her; she hasn’t respond to any of my little gestures of love. Why would this change anything?” “Well making it seem like coffee is appearing out of thin air and sending flowers and whatever else you sent her.” “I sent her stuff that matters to us and you don’t need to know what that was” “I don’t care, but maybe show her what she is missing out on? And remind her why she wants you back.” I sigh but give in maybe Alex does have a point, maybe I should remind her of what she is missing out on.

“Where are you going again?” “I’m meeting someone for lunch” “Who?” “Just someone who is helping me with something” “You’ve been disappearing since Kelley……you know. Are you sure you are ok?” “No, I’m not ok, but that’s not what this is about” “Then why don’t you tell me” “Because you’ll tell me I am crazy, and maybe I am, but it feels like the right thing to do, so I’m doing it” “You aren’t hurting yourself?” I think that is the stupidest thing Carli has ever said “I’m not even going to answer that” I look at my watch “I’m going to be late” “Hey remember that everyone is going to the bar later, you promised me you would go” “Yeah yeah, I’ll be there.” It feels like the elevator is slower than usual, it makes it even worse that Alex is in the elevator staring at me, my fuse is running a little short with Kelley, Alex and I hate to say it Tobin. “Can you stop staring!?” “Can you give Kelley another chance?” I feel like strangling her, that is all I’m hearing from then every single day “You know, Kelley promised me that she would leave me alone after she said what she needed to say, looks like she can’t keep her promises” “She can’t keep that promise because she loves you, can’t you see that?” The doors open and I almost run out of the hotel.  
I don’t have anything nice to wear, and since I want to dress to impress I decide to go shopping for a little black dress, what is taking Alex so long? “What took you so long?” “I ran into Hope. She seemed really eager to leave” “But she is going to the bar tonight, right?” “I don’t know, Carli said she was going, but she just left” “Where did she go” “How would I know?” “Can you find out?” “I guess I can ask Carli if she is definitely coming tonight” “Yeah, uhm do that.” I’m worried now, there is no point in getting all dressed up if she isn’t going to be there, I’m overcome by this feeling of dread, I feel like if I don’t talk to her tonight, if we don’t even try to work out our issues before we leave, that I won’t get another chance. “Ok, so I texted Tobin, she can find out what’s up with Hope. While you and I go shopping” “Alex I don’t want to go if she isn’t going to be there” “Kell, if you want to look amazing you need to prep, we need to find a dress, you have to get your hair done and put on some make-up, there is no time to waste” “And what is the point if she doesn’t go” “Then you find her, no matter what, she will see you in your dress tonight” I can’t help but be swept up in Alex’s positivity. “Ok, let’s do this” I grab my phone and a bag before leaving.

I’m never shopping with Alex again, she takes forever and is all over the place “Alex come on, I have my dress, we have to go” “We need some shoes Kell” “Urg, don’t you have shoes I can borrow?” she stops suddenly and turns around slowly “I think you’re right. Let’s get back so we can get Cheney to do something with your hair, and make-up” “Have you heard anything from Tobin yet?” she pulls out her phone “No, nothing yet” I shrug “Don’t give up Kell, she’ll be there” “You don’t know that Alex” “It’s like I said, she’ll see you tonight whether she is there or not” I just shake my head. “Let’s just go” “Ok.” Alex sweet talks Cheney into doing my hair and make-up, she doesn’t talk much while she is working on me and this is probably the first time ever that I don’t know what to say to one of my teammates. The room is filled with silence until Alex comes back and tells me that Carli said Hope promised she would be there tonight, but that she hasn’t returned yet. “Does she know where she went?” “If she does she’s not saying” “Does anyone else know where she went?” “Nope.”

“So we have gone through everything?” “Yes, all you need to do is sign here” she points to a line on the paper “And pay of course and we are done” “Great” I sign and hand over my credit card “And when will the construction start?” “As soon as the equipment arrives” “And when will that be?” “I have no idea, I don’t really work with those things, but I can find out” “Please do” I look at her and she understands that I mean I want to know right now, she makes a call, and after a few minutes she puts the phone down “Well, the equipment has been ordered and it will take a week to get here. Then of course we have to clear the space before we can rebuild. So construction will start in about eight days.” “Perfect, that sounds perfect” I get up to leave when she asks “Do you want to go celebrate I don’t think I have ever gotten the job done so quickly before” I don’t really know what to say, I’m supposed to go to the bar with the team, I promised Carli I would go, but I’m also excited, I didn’t think that I would actually be able to pull this off so quickly “And it is for a good cause” “Uhm, yeah sure, I have plans to go to a bar already, you can come with me and we can celebrate” “That sounds perfect” I look at my watch I need to get back to the hotel and change if I want to be on time “I have to go get ready, I’ll meet you there at eight” “Sure, do you mind telling me what bar I’m supposed to go to?” I laugh “Sure, it’s called ‘The game’, not very original but it’s a sports bar so it works” “I know where that is, it’s a nice place” I shrug my shoulders “I don’t really know” “I’ll see you at eight then?” “Yeah see you at eight.”

When I get to my room Carli is waiting “You’re late, where have you been?” “I’m not late I still have fifteen minutes to change” “You better make them count, cause no one is going to wait for you” “I won’t take long” I grab some jeans and a nice shirt, Kelley always used to say it brought out the colour of my eyes, I debate for a second if I should wear it, but I don’t have anything else to wear. After getting dressed I brush my hair, before putting on some foundation. “You know Tobin and Alex have been bothering me all day” “Why?” “They wanted to know if you were going tonight, and where you were” “And what did you tell them?” “That you said you would be there and that I don’t know where you were” “Did they say anything about Kelley?” “No, but I’m guessing she wanted to know, or they told her that you were going” I want to change the subject; I’m not sure how I feel about seeing Kelley “How are we getting there anyway?” “We are walking it’s a block away” “How did Sydney find this place anyway” “It’s Sydney, how does she find anything” “Good point” there is a knock on the door and we hear Sydney shout “Let’s go people; we need to get this party started.” I’m surprised to see that so many of us are going, almost the whole team, I stick close to Carli I don’t really want to hang out with the team tonight, and I also don’t want to bump into Kelley by myself. 

I look around me the whole time, trying to find Hope in the crowd, we are almost at the bar before I spot her, she is wearing my favourite shirt, I always said it brought out the colour of her eyes; it makes them look bluer somehow. I make sure to keep her in my sight I want to get a seat as close to her as possible without being right next to her, Sydney has reached the doors and some of the players have already gone inside “How do I look” I ask Alex, “She won’t know what hit her” I smile and look back to where I think Hope should be. She is talking to some woman, I feel uneasy when she walks in with Hope, and I wonder who is she? I quicken my pace; I want to see where Hope is going. She sits down with Carli, Ali, Ashlyn and my heart sinks when I see that the woman she met outside is sitting with them, who the hell is she? My heart sinks even more when it looks like she is introducing her to everyone at the table, she brought a date? She is dating? It feels like the whole room is spinning and I can’t catch my breath, why is this happening, when did this happen, is that why she sent me away after I told her I loved her? I want to walk over and talk to her but I can’t seem to control my body at all, I’m frozen. “What are you doing dude?” I barely hear Tobin, my mind is still stuck on the fact that Hope brought a date; she brought a date with her.

Tobin waves her hand in my face, “Kell, are you ok?” “She brought a date” “What?” “She brought a date with her” “Who?” “Hope, she brought a date with her” Tobin looks around until she spots them “Just because they are sitting together doesn’t mean that she is her date, she may be a friend” “Hope was introducing her to everyone when she sat down” “Still, it could be a friend” “I need a drink” I walk to the bar I don’t know what to get when Sydney slings her arm around me and shouts “Shots!!” I don’t even argue I just down it, it feels really good. I don’t know how long I was at the bar drinking with Sydney before Alex came over “Uhm Kell, what are you doing?” “I’m drinking, that’s what you do at a bar?” “Why aren’t you talking to Hope” “Oh I don’t know, maybe it is because she brought a date with her” “She what?” “She has a date Alex, she’s fucking dating” “I can’t believe it” “This sucks I told you I didn’t want to come, it’s all your fault” “Calm down, you don’t know for sure she is dating, maybe she’s just a friend” I glance over my shoulder, they are sitting kind of close to each other and suddenly Hope gets up and walks to the bar “Shit Alex, she is coming over” I try to get of my chair but Alex is in the way “Move I want to go to the bathroom” truth is I just want to get as far away from Hope as I can. As soon as I jump of the chair and straighten up I’m looking right at Hope and she is looking back at me.  
My mind goes completely blank, I don’t even know how to breathe right now, she looks amazing, absolutely amazing. I think my mouth may actually be open right now but I’m not sure “I have to go to the bathroom” and just like that she is gone “Wow” Alex glares at me before going after Kelley. I get beers for everyone at the table, and when I get back Sydney is there yelling “Shots!!” every time before she downs a shot. She hands me one, but I don’t plan on getting drunk tonight, “No thanks” “Oooh don’t be a party pooper, everyone has had one” “And they can have another on me, but I don’t want one” “At least when you were with Kelley you were fun” everyone close by heard that and now they are staring I hate it when they stare. And it still feels like a punch to the gut whenever someone mentions it “Thanks for reminding me Syd, I need that shot now” she smiles and hands it over, I down it before sitting down, my thoughts are now consumed by Kelley. She looked good in her black dress, it showed off her curves and her freckles, and her hair fell perfectly around her face, I miss looking into her eyes, those hazel eyes that always made me feel like I could do anything. Before I know it the night is almost over and Bridget is drunk, Ali tells me that I should probably get her a taxi and I agree, I help her up and support her all the way to the door.

I feel like crying, why did I ever listen to Alex, she has terrible ideas, I should just have stayed at the hotel, at least then I wouldn’t feel like this. “Kell, are you in here” I keep quiet, I don’t feel like talking to anyone right now “I’m not leaving till you talk to me” I know that she isn’t bluffing “What do you want Alex?” “I just want to tell you something” “What!?” I walk out of the stall so I can see her “Hope was impressed with your outfit” I wasn’t expecting her to say that “What?” “Yeah, right after you left she said, and I quote ‘Wow’. That’s good you have her attention” “I want more than her attention” “Well go out there and get it cause you are not going to get it in here” “Did she really say that?” “She did.” It makes me feel good knowing that she thought I looked good, I decide that I’m going to go talk to her no matter what. When I get close to the table I see Sydney, her next words stop me dead in my tracks “At least when you were with Kelley you were fun” and Hope’s reply makes me want to run away “Thanks for reminding me Syd, I need that shot now.” I turn and head to the bar, I can’t do this; I sit at the bar all night looking at Hope waiting for her date to leave so I can talk to her. Unfortunately that doesn’t happen and Hope gets up with her date, hanging all over her, it makes me feel nauseous. When I see that she is planning on leaving I get up and walk over, it’s now or never.

Bridget is heavier than she looks, or maybe it’s just the alcohol in my system I get outside and just as I am about to look for a taxi I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn my head and I’m looking straight into those hazel eyes again “Hey” she looks unsure “Hi” we stand in silence and Bridget starts to feel heavier she is trying to say something but I can’t make out what it is. Bridget’s sudden participation in our conversation seems to spur Kelley on “Why won’t you forgive me?” I re-adjust Bridget “I don’t know how to forgive you, I get so angry when I look at you” “So you decide to date someone else?” “It’s none of your business, and besides you broke your promise to me, yet you still expect me to forgive you” “What promise?” “That after you said what you wanted to say you would leave me alone. Instead you send me gifts and make me coffee, you and Alex and Tobin keep bugging me, I don’t want that” “Then what do you want?” “I want you to leave me alone” “I can’t” I feel so angry “You had a month Kelley, a month to figure out what you really wanted, but you won’t give me five fucking minutes to decide what I want” “Because I want you” “You keep making this about you, it’s not about you right now, it’s about me needing to figure out what I want, and you can’t give me room to breathe” “I’m sorry, but it hurts me to see you with someone else” I get angrier she is making it about her again. “Maybe I want to see other people, have you thought about that, maybe I need to see what else is out there, maybe I need some one night stands since I don’t want to get married!”

It was mean, but I wanted to hurt her like she hurt me when she said it to me, and by the look on her face I can see that it did. Bridget starts mumbling again, Kelley looks at her then back at me, there are tears welling up in her eyes but she goes back inside without another word. I try to get Bridget to tell me where she lives, but she is passed out, this is just great, I’m too tired, angry and tipsy to think straight. I decide that I’m just going to go back to the hotel; it’s the easiest option right now. I take of Bridget’s shoes and her coat before putting her in the bed, I change and brush my teeth before I get into bed too, and I’m so tired that I fall asleep almost immediately. When I wake up the next morning I feel this weight on my arm, I turn and open one eye to see what it is, I nearly fall out of the bed when I see Bridget, but slowly I remember what happened last night. I turn over to look at Carli’s bed and she is staring at me “What did you do?” she whispers while pointing at Bridget “Nothing, she passed out and I was too tired and drunk find out where she lives” “You shouldn’t have brought her here” I can feel my headache start today is going to suck “I know ok” I wake her up, and after she puts on her shoes she leaves. “There, are you happy now?” “Relieved not happy”

What Hope said last night made me realise that she was right, I was just thinking about what I wanted and needed and not what she wanted or needed. I decide to take a cup of coffee with me as a peace offering. I plan on telling her that I’m going to wait for her to contact me and I won’t bother her anymore. The elevator doors open and when I step out I see the girl from last night leaving Hope’s room and my heart breaks, she had her one night stand, how many has she had since we broke up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there it is I hope you liked it. Feel free to leave a comment telling me what you think


	30. New year new beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to SwanQueenx for being the beta on this chapter, I feel so much better knowing that someone else read it before I post it. And for you patience you get rewarded with a long chapter.

This was going to be the first camp of the new year; and our first match of the new year. I hadn’t heard from Kelley since the night at the bar, and it was great I’m starting to feel like myself again. I don’t know what happened to keep her from contacting me, but I’m glad she didn’t, with every passing day I felt the anger lessen and lessen. I’m pretty sure I would be able to have a conversation with her without feeling like punching something. We are having the camp in the same place as last time; this gives me the perfect opportunity to go check on the park and see if the construction is finished. I arrive in the afternoon there are only a few other players none of which I would usually talk to, I check to see who my roommate is and I’m surprised to see Tobin’s name next to mine. I drop my bags in our room and set a few things up, I make sure to pick the bed I want before leaving, I have time so I might as well go to the park right now.

This is the first time I didn’t want to go to a camp, the last three months have been hard on me, I wanted so badly to be able to forgive Hope for sleeping with someone else, but when I think about it, when I think about her kissing someone else, holding someone else, I feel sick, and then I get angry at myself, it is my fault, it could have been me she was kissing and holding, but I had to be an idiot and ruin it. I didn’t see anyone in the lounge, which is strange since most people usually hang out in the lounge on the first day, to catch up. I get my key and am glad to see I’m rooming with Ali, I like her, she’s nice; I get on the elevator and wait for the doors to open. When they do, I wish that the earth would swallow me, she looks better than I remembered, she doesn’t have a scowl on her face like last time, her eyes have that glow again, she really is happy without me. It makes me happy to know she is happy, but it also makes me feel like crying, I can’t seem to find the happiness that she has found. “Uhm, are you going to get out?” I realise that I have just been staring at her, I pray that my voice doesn’t betray me right now “Yeah, sorry, I didn’t think you would be here already” I say as I walk out “Well I’ll see you at dinner Kelley” “Yeah see you” she smiles at me, a genuine smile not one of those fake smiles that she is so good at giving. When the door closes I still stare at it, it took her three months to go from hating me to that, in three months I went from happy and optimistic to feeling sad and unhappy every day. 

I feel like I should have said more, but I’m still not sure what to say, I’m not really sure what would be appropriate in this situation. I mean can I still hug her or would that send the wrong message? Do I tell her we can be friends, when I’m not even sure that is what I want? Where do we draw the line in our conversations? There are so many things I haven’t thought of yet, I didn’t even realise I had these questions until I saw her, I now also have to question of who to ask, who will know what the right thing is to do? I’m so lost in thought I didn’t even realise that the elevator had stopped not until I am pulled from my thought by Pinoe “Are you having a moment?” I look up, Pinoe, Lori and Ali are looking at me “What?” “What are you doing in the elevator?” “I was going for a walk” “You’ve been standing in there for like five minutes not moving” “I have?” “Are you feeling ok?” “Yeah, I feel fine” “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’m fine, I’ll see you guys later” I walk quickly to the door not wanting to prolong the conversation. I am amazed when I see the new park, I can’t believe that it’s even the same place, the only thing that gives it away is the swing set it’s still the same. It’s the middle of the day and there are a few small kids playing with I assume their parents or nannies sitting under the tree watching them, I walk to the swing set and sit down, I still can’t believe what I great job they did, I swing slightly forward and backward, there is a little breeze and it makes it colder than it already is. I’m thankful I remembered my gloves before leaving, the chains of the swings are really cold, I start to swing higher and higher, it makes me feel like a kid again. After a while I get off the swing and sit on one of the benches, I look around and I see the girl that gave me the fine last time.

I smile at the memory, and I look at her playing with her friends, it would be nice to be that carefree again. I assume they are a little tired when they stop playing and go to sit down on a bench, I decide that I should leave, I don’t want to be late for dinner, I am excited to see some of the girls. I take one last look and when my eyes fall on the group of kids again I notice that she isn’t with them anymore, I look around and I see her walking towards me I might as well say hi, when she sees me she scrunches up her face before getting of the swing and walking over “You never paid your fine” she is as cheeky as ever “Well it looks like the park is doing just fine without it” “That doesn’t matter, you said you would pay it and you didn’t” she does have a point “Well, can I give you the ten bucks?” “No, you have to go to the office to pay it, that way it gets put in the park maintenance fund” “Can’t you put it in there for me?” she thinks for a little while “I guess I can give it to my mom.” When I grab my wallet in my pocket I realise that she shouldn’t know that I didn’t pay the fine “How do you know I didn’t pay?” “My mom works for the city, she is in charge of the maintenance fund, and when I asked her if someone paid ten dollars, she said no” that is a fair answer “Did she tell you who got you all the new stuff” “Some soccer player” I want to laugh, I would have thought that since she was so invested in the park she would have been curious to find out. “What? Don’t you like soccer?” “Not particularly” “Well I guess not everyone likes soccer” “I prefer hockey, do you like hockey?” “Not particularly.” I smile “Still would you like to go to the soccer match, I believe they are playing one in a weeks’ time” she shrugs “Who’s playing?” “The US against Brazil” “Do you think it will be a good match?” “Well they did participate in one of, what a lot of people would say, was the most epic soccer matches ever played” she shrugs her shoulders “Yeah ok.” I give her my email address and tell her to send me an email so I can send her the tickets.

I don’t feel like going to dinner, I feel like curling up under the covers and watching the notebook, because that is what my life feel s like right now, like it could have been an epic love story, but she doesn’t remember anymore, so it doesn’t matter to her anymore. “Come on Kelley, we are going to be late” “I’m not hungry” “Then you can catch up with everyone, you haven’t left the room since I got here” “I’m tired, I don’t want to go” “Too bad, you’re going” “Alllleeexxx” “You’re going, now get out of bed and get dressed or I’ll carry you down like that” “Fine, but I hate you” “No you don’t” “No, I don’t” I just throw on a t-shirt and some running shorts, it may be winter, but the hotel is really hot. When we get to dinner everyone is already there “I told you we were late” “The food is still here, we aren’t late” she smirks at me “I thought that you weren’t hungry” “Well now that I’ve seen the food, I think I may be a little hungry” “I knew you would eat once you see the food, you always want food” “Not always” I see Alex’s eyes focus on someone behind me and she frowns, when I turn around I see Ali, Tobin, Carli and Hope sitting at a table laughing “Sometimes Tobin can be oblivious” “It’s fine Alex, I can’t ignore her forever” “I still don’t understand why you just don’t talk to her” “She made it pretty clear that she doesn’t want to talk to me, she hasn’t tried to talk to me in three months” “Still Tobin could be a bit more sensitive to your feelings” “It’s fine let’s just go sit down.”  
I was having a good time, and then it got awkward when Alex and I sat down, it got quiet and everyone at the table kept looking between the two of us, they weren’t sure what to say and neither was I, but it was obvious that we needed to talk, things can’t stay this way. The lull in conversation lasts till Pinoe sits down and looks at us before saying “Do I smell?” “What?” “Cause you can tell me if I do, I won’t be offended” “What are you talking about?” “You’re all so quiet, I feel like you don’t want to tell me something” “You are such a weirdo” “Ok, now I’m offended, that was uncalled for. I just wanted to hang out with Tobito over there, but now I don’t feel welcome, I think I’ll go” she makes a big fuss about leaving, while we just laugh at her “I’m really going to go if you don’t ask me to stay” she stands up and looks at us once more, “Seriously?” she is about to turn when Tobin says “Sit down, you know you’re our favourite weirdo” “Ha, I knew you guys liked me. So what are we talking about over here?” “Not much, just catching up.” Megan looks at Ali and says “Care to fill me in on the blonde too?” Ali blushes immediately “I don’t know what you are talking about” “So you don’t have a thing for the blonde goalie?” “What? No!” “So you wouldn’t mind if I called her over?” “Not at all” “Cool, cause I like her” she takes a deep breath and gets ready to call Ashlyn when Ali gets up and says “Well I’m done, anyone want to watch a movie later?” I’m confused by what is going on but Ali is my roommate and she looks uncomfortable right now, I feel like I should help her “Yeah let’s have a movie night, who is in?” Everyone nods their head I do notice that Hope hesitated before agreeing. “Maybe we can have it in Tobin’s and Hope room” Tobin doesn’t seem fazed at all but Hope seems a little uncomfortable “You suggested it, why do we have to have it in our room” Alex made the suggestion and I’m glad she takes the lead “Because I’ve been in Kelley and Ali’s room and Kelley has made a huge mess already” I smack her arm “Hey that’s not fair” Tobin interjects “I don’t care, it’s up to Hope” everyone turns to look at her, she hesitates again and then shrugs her shoulders “Fine.”

I was not sure that I should go to the movie night, dinner was extremely awkward and I did not feel like having a repeat performance. But on the other hand the point is to be quiet and watch the movie, while hanging out with some of the girls, which is something I haven’t done in a long time. But I’m still hesitant and Alex has to talk me into going. I was fine with the first movie that was picked, I can tolerate action movies, but I found it very hard to watch the second movie, The notebook, it felt like the universe was trying to tell me something. Mid-way through the movie I can’t take anymore, I whisper to Alex that I’m tired and that I’m going to go to bed, she just nods her head and snuggles closer to Tobin. I try to leave as quietly as I can but it’s impossible with a room that is filled with so many people, when I’m in the hall it finally feels like I can breathe again, I hear the door open and close behind me, “Hey are you ok?” I didn’t expect to hear her voice and I whip around “Yeah fine, just tired” she looks intently at me and says “I think we should talk.” My heart rate immediately increases “Yeah?” “Yes, is tomorrow morning ok for you?” “Sure, that’s....sure” I feel like I can’t think straight “Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow then. Good night Kell....ey” I smile “Goodnight Hope”

I feel like cursing myself for almost calling her Kell, I know a lot of the girls call her that, but I’m not sure if I should, I guess we’ll figure it out tomorrow. I can’t concentrate on the rest of the movie, I’m nervous about tomorrow, I’m not sure how to start the conversation, without seeming like I don’t care about her feelings. When everyone leaves Tobin gives me a look, “What?” “What was that about earlier?” “Nothing” she grabs her stuff and says “Didn’t look like nothing to us” she walks to the bathroom “Us? Was everyone in here talking about us while we were outside?” “All I’m saying is that there was some conversation going on” “It’s nothing; we just need to sort some stuff out” she smiles at me “Sure thing” just before she closes the bathroom door I get out “It was nothing” I don’t know why I felt the need to say it, it was just the way Tobin said sure thing that made it seem like she didn’t believe me.

When my alarm goes off I don’t feel like getting up, it feel like I just fell asleep, I turn over determined to fall asleep again when the thought of Hope jumps into my mind and I remember that I’m supposed to meet her, my eyes literally pop open and I jump out of bed, Ali is still fast asleep, and she always teases me saying I can sleep through anything. I take a super quick shower and rush through getting dressed and brushing my hair, I was in such a rush I only notice that my socks don’t match once I’m downstairs busy making myself some coffee. I’m a little disappointed I was hoping for some privacy, but it seems that almost everyone woke up early today “Hey Kelley do you need a loan?” Pinoe yells this so that everyone can hear even though she is not even five feet from me “What are you talking about?” “I could lend you some matching sock till you buy your own.” Some of the girls nearby burst out laughing, I do find it funny myself “Ali was still asleep, and I got dressed really quickly, I didn’t notice till now” she pulls out two dollars and says “You don’t have to pay me back “I’m guessing she didn’t think I was going to take it but I did and said “Thanks Pinoe, who ever thought you would turn into a mom for us young ones.” Her face was absolutely priceless “I’m only three years older than you” I wink “Thanks mom” I see Hope so I decide to end the conversation and find a table that isn’t occupied yet.

“Sorry I’m late, I went to bed kind of late” “That’s ok, I l just got here” “I’m going to get some coffee I’ll be right back” “Sure.” My hands are sweating and I rub them on my thighs, it’s just a talk don’t get too excited. When I lift mu cup to my lips I see a bunch of the other players are looking in my direction, and when Hope comes back and sits down, they immediately start talking. When Hope sits down she takes a sip of her coffee, she has that small smile on her face that she always gets when she takes her first sip, I always wondered what she is thinking about when she takes that sip. Next she takes a pretty big gulp “So how was your flight” I ask nervously, I’m not sure what to expect so I go with something neutral; she shrugs her shoulders, “Same old same old, how about yours?” “Oh you know, it was a toss-up between falling asleep and not being able to sit still” “So nothing has changed then” “I would say so” I take a quick look around and it is clear that our conversation is not going unnoticed “How about we finish our drinks and take a walk.” She looks at me confused before it dawns on her “Sure that sounds good” we drink our coffee in silence and everyone is still looking, I drink my coffee quickly I’m dreading this conversation since I don’t really know how it will go, but I feel anxious about getting it over with. She must notice what I’m doing because she starts taking longer sips, when we are done we both get up and walk to the door, before I leave the room I take a glance back, everyone tries to look like they weren’t looking, but it was obvious they were.

After we’ve walked for a little while I pluck up enough courage to start the conversation “So…..last night was weird” “Yeah, it was kind of painful” “Mmmmmm, so I’m thinking that we should set some rules” I can see her tense up a little “You know, so things don’t stay awkward” she stays silent for a while before answering “Ok, yeah that makes sense. Do you have anything in mind?” I didn’t think that she would agree so easily “Uuuh, no, I just figured that it would be helpful” “Ok, so what kind of rules where you thinking about?” “I was thinking we should have a rule about our greetings, like do we hug, or keep it more formal? And that when we hang out after practice we should always have other people with us, I don’t think hanging out alone would be a good idea” “That sounds reasonable, do you have any ideas for the bus rides and what about showers and during practice, should we keep our distance or is it ok to make eye contact?” clearly she was upset “There is no point in getting mad, these are things that we have to talk about, what do you want from me?” “I’m sorry, I just wasn’t expecting this to happen so fast” “I’m sorry Kelley, but I just want things to go back to normal, or as close as we can” “We can go back to normal, just forgive me.” I sigh we’re going around in circles “We’re not here to talk about that, we can talk about it later, right now I just want to figure out what we have to do, do make things less awkward” “You want to talk about it later?” “Yes, I want to talk about it later, we should talk about it, we never really did. But right now can we focus on our current problem?” “Look, I’m fine with what you said before, and you don’t really do hugs for greetings so just keep it casual with a ‘Hi’ or ‘Hello’, is that all?” “Great, that works for me, are you sure you’re good with it?” “Yeah” we talk some more and figure out some other stuff, and I feel relieved that she didn’t get upset again and that we actually talked about what we were supposed to,“OK, so let’s head back and get ready for practice” “Just one more thing…” “We can talk after the first match ok. I just want to focus on that right now” she smiles at me “Fine”

We win our first match and I feel relieved, we are waving at the crowd and every so often we shake hands with one of our opponents. It was a good match, I’m sure our fans enjoyed it, I enjoyed it, and it also means that I’m one day closer to having a proper talk with Hope. I smile and talk with fans while signing autographs, from the corner of my eye I see Hope talking with a little girl that has red hair and freckles, it looks like they are having a very animated conversation. I walk closer while still signing and posing for some pictures, when I look to the woman next to the girl with the red hair, it feels like someone just punched me in the gut, I feel like I can’t breathe, it’s the woman that Hope slept with. They are all laughing and smiling, Hope looks really happy, the girl looks really happy and the other woman looks really happy. I feel someone grabbing my arm trying to get my attention, when I turn I’m looking at Alex, “Come on Kell, let’s go to the locker room”, she probably saw them before I did, she was next to them. “Yeah, ok” I’m in a daze, it wasn’t just a onetime thing, she may actually be dating someone, and not just anyone someone who has a kid, what the hell, she didn’t want kids. “What the hell Alex?” “What?” “What the hell is she doing with someone that has a kid? One of our issues is that she didn’t want to have kids” “Kelley don’t you think you’re jumping the gun a little?” “No!! Alex she came out of her room early in the morning, after hanging out with her the night before, and now she is here, at a game, with her kid and Hope can’t shut up, plus she has a big ass grin on her face, so no Alex, I don’t think I’m jumping the gun.” “Well you get to have your talk with her soon; maybe you can talk to her about it” “Maybe this is why she wants to talk to me; she wants to tell me she is dating someone. O my god Alex, she is dating someone” Alex walks over and makes me sit down with her, and she just hugs me, some of the other players start walking in and just as I pull away I see Hope walking in. When I see her I feel like crying, there is a lump in my throat and I can feel the tears starting to sting my eyes, I grab my stuff from my locker and rush to the showers.

I feel really great when I wake up, I know that today will be filled with a short practice and recovery, and then we’ll have some time to go shopping and exploring. I’m early for breakfast and the quiet of the room makes me happy, I take my first sip and when I look up I’m greeted by sad hazel eyes. She freezes when she sees me and I can she is debating about staying or leaving, then she walks over to the coffee machine and makes herself a cup. I keep my eyes on her the whole time trying to find a reason for her sadness, she isn’t injured, and we won last night why is she so sad. She turns around and looks at me for a fraction of a second before heading to another table, we are the only two people in the room and now we are sitting at two different tables. I thought things were getting better, I don’t understand what changed, but I’m going to find out “Hey, good game last night” she stirs her coffee slowly, she sighs and says “Yeah, good way to start the year.” I hate seeing her like this, her whole demeanour screams I’m sad, and when I look in her eyes I feel like I’m drowning in sadness “Kelley, what’s going on?” “Nothing, I’m fine” “No you’re not; you look like someone died, what happened?” “I’m fine Hope really, I just want to drink my coffee in peace” I try to think of something that may bring a smile to her face I clear my throat and she looks up at me again “We can have that conversation you wanted” she sighs “I don’t really feel like talking today.” I’m a little shocked by her reaction; I really thought that she would be more enthusiastic about it she was kind of bugging me the whole time about when we would actually have this conversation “Are you sure you’re ok?”

The longer she is sitting there talking to me the harder it gets to keep myself under control when she asks me again if I’m ok, I just couldn’t do it “Yeah I’m fine Hope, why wouldn’t I be, I mean the person I’m in love with is having a relationship with a woman who has a kid, when one of the reasons we broke up in the first place is you not wanting to have a kid.” I through my hands up in the air, “So yeah I’m perfectly fine, couldn’t be better” she looks at me confused and then says “What are you talking about? Who am I seeing?” “The woman from last night; the same woman that we met last year at that sports bar” “Bridget?” “I don’t know what her name is” she shakes her head and says something to herself that I can’t hear. She gets up and walks to the coffee table when she comes back to the table she has her coffee in a take away cup, and she hands me one. “Put your coffee in there and come with me, I want to show you something” “I don’t feel like going anywhere” “Look, I promise you will feel better if you come with me, so trust me and come on” I sigh before pouring my coffee into the take-away cup and get up “Fine, let’s go.”  
We walk in silence sipping our coffee, I take her to the park, it will be the easiest to explain this there; I walk to the swings and sit down. Kelley looks around at the park and then back at me, she lifts her hands in a ‘what is this supposed to be’ gesture “Come and sit down next to me” “Why? What are we doing here anyway” “Would you just trust me and come sit down” she folds her arms and I wonder if I’m going to have to drag her to the swing, just when I’m about to get up she walks over. She sits down and looks at me expectantly “Look around you, what do you see?” “Is this some stupid philosophical question?” “No, just answer the question” “It’s a park” “Yeah, I found this place last year, when I was still so angry at you” I take a look around “I sat down in this swing I don’t know for how long I was here, then suddenly this girl comes out of nowhere and gives me a fine for using the swings” I smile at the memory “She charged me ten bucks for being on the swings” I look at Kelley “Can you believe that?” “It’s a bit steep, but you are a big girl” “Whatever, but anyway I came back a few days later and I noticed that the equipment was rusted and bent and not safe for kids to play on. So I contacted the person whose details where on the ticket, her name was Bridget,” I look over at Kelley again “And I found out that it was her daughter that gave me the ticket in the first place. But long story short I worked with Bridget to get new stuff into the park for the kids, the day that it was finalised was the day that Bridget met the team. I came back here to take a look at the new park and I ran into her daughter again, I invited her to the match, and she came with her mother, that’s all.”

I’m a little confused by what is going on “So Bridget works for the city?” “Yeah” “Then why was she sneaking out of your room early the next morning” her eyes go big “You saw her?” I get off the swing “Yes, clearly you didn’t expect that” “I didn’t, but it’s not what you think, she drank too much and passed out, right after we fought outside of the bar, I didn’t know where she lived and I was a little drunk myself, so I took her back to the hotel and she slept in the room, but nothing happened” “Nothing?” “Nothing, I swear” I feel better after hearing that “So you really aren’t seeing her?” “I’m not seeing anyone” “And you aren’t sleeping with anyone?” “I’m not sleeping with anyone, are you?” “What? No! Why would you even ask” she takes a sip of her coffee “I’m just checking, so do you want to have that talk now?” “Now is as good a time as any. Can you tell me why you won’t forgive me?”

“I didn’t forgive you at first, I was really angry at you at first, like really angry, but now, I’m happy…. and I forgive you” “You do?” “Yes I do” “Then why are we not trying to fix our relationship” “Well that is why we are talking, it may not have been the best thing to have broken up, but it did force me to take a look at our relationship” “Do you regret it?” “What, the break up or the relationship?” “Both” “No, the break up forced me to look at our relationship and it made me see that there was one big flaw in our relationship that I wasn’t aware of.” “What, we had a great relationship” “We did have a good relationship, but like I said we had one problem that I wasn’t aware of, I’m sure you weren’t aware of it either. I had to take a step back to see the problem, so the break up was in a way a good thing.” “What is this problem we had?” “I was very dependent on you; it felt like I couldn’t be happy without you, everything I did was about if it would make you happy, but this made me kind of disappear, of course I didn’t change completely, but I did a lot of things that were out of character for me and it also wasn’t fair on you for putting so much pressure on you. I don’t blame you of course it was my problem, I guess deep down I never really expected to find someone that would love me, I felt too damaged, that I couldn’t bring happiness to anyone else thus I didn’t deserve to find happiness myself” Kelley reaches over and takes my hand in hers “That’s not true, yes you are a little rough around the edges, but you have a heart of gold and so much love to give” “I did realise that...after we broke up, it made me look at my life, it made me realise that I can bring happiness to others, and that I can find happiness without you. It taught me something important” “What’s that?” “That you can’t find true happiness in someone else, your happiness can be increased by someone else sure; but if you can’t be happy by yourself, you can’t truly be happy with someone else.” I turned to look at her “And now I am finding a way to be truly happy by myself” “I’m glad that you’re happy, I really am” she has tears in her eyes, I put my hand on her cheek “I know you are, but I know you’re sad too” she looks down at her hands “I am sad, because I want to be happy with you, I want to be part of the reason that brings you happiness, I want to share in it. But I do understand that right now I can’t be” “I don’t want to make you sad; it does hurt me when I see you sad. And for right now I’m not ready to be in a relationship with anyone because I’m still working on me, and maybe you can work on you too, go back to what makes you happy.” “What makes you think I’m not happy?” “I can see it; maybe we can both work on our own happiness.”

We are just sitting in silence on the swings, each one of us lost in thought I guess. I’m brought out of me reverie when she asks “Are you ready to head back?” “Can you answer one question for me?” “Sure, pretty much bared my soul already” I give her a faint smile “Is this the end of us? Do you ever see us together again?” she turns her head away from and I fear the worst she takes a deep breath and turns back to me “To tell you the truth I don’t know, life seems unexpected lately, but I can’t say no either.” It wasn’t the answer I was looking for, but she was honest I couldn’t ask for more “That’s fair, but promise me one thing” “Ok” “If you do decide that you don’t want me, let me know ok?” it breaks my heart to say it but I need to know I’m not holding onto hope that isn’t there, and she is right I haven’t been really happy for a while, I’ve been too consumed in what could have been, in what I should have done that I haven’t been experiencing the present, it was time to change. “I can do that, but you have to promise me that you’ll do the same” I shake my head, I don’t think I’ll change my mind, “Sure”

When we get back I get ambushed by Alex and Tobin, mostly Alex, Tobin is just kind of there “So what happened?” “We talked, it was good” “You look better, so can I assume that you are back together?” she smiles at me “No we aren’t” she deflates immediately “Then why are you happy?” “Because I realised that she is getting better and I need to too” “What the hell are you talking about?” “It’s hard to explain, just trust me” “Fine” I see Tobin smiling at me “Dude, you want to go surfing?” I smile back “I thought you’d never ask.” Alex looks at us exasperatedly “It’s freezing, and we aren’t close to the ocean” I’m about to answer when my phone rings it’s my mom that is calling, I don’t feel like answering, we’ve been fighting since I broke up with Hope, my mom kind of took an ‘I told you so attitude’ towards the whole thing, but on the other hand I was supposed to work on getting happy again “Hey mom” I drop to my knees and tears start streaming down my face “What?”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the update took so long, but it's here. I hope you enjoyed feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you think.


	31. Is that you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man I'm so sorry you guys had to wait this long for this chapter, but I hope you enjoy it. And thanks again to SwanQueenx.

I had never seen another person look like this, I look at her and I don’t know where she starts and the tubes end. I stare at her and all I can hear are the sounds of the machines, I don’t know what they are for, but the beeping seems to be in sync with each other. I want to hold her hand but I don’t know where to hold it, the parts that aren’t bruised or scrapped have something attached to it. I still can’t get my head around it; she doesn’t even look like my sister; tears threaten again. I want to touch her face but it’s bruised up as well, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where to stand I don’t know what to say. I look at her and the words ‘car crash’, ‘coma’ and ‘brain damage’ are the only things I can think of; I just wish I could give her a hug and make her feel better take away all the pain she is feeling. I actually wish I could go back in time and stop this from happening, why did this happen?

“God Erin, you have to get through this.”

I tentatively reach out to just touch her arm, just as I am about to touch it, an alarm goes off, I look around trying to figure out what is going on, but there is so much noise in the room, and I have no idea what alarm is going off. A few people rush into the room and I get pushed out of the way, the doctor is shouting all this stuff and all of a sudden the noise stops and I realise that she doesn’t have a heartbeat.

“Help her! You have to help her please!”

I get pulled out of the room screaming, I try to break free from the person who is pulling me back.

“Let me go!”

“Kelley! You can’t be in the room with her right now”

Jerry’s voice calms me down a bit, I turn around to look at him and he pulls me into a hug; I cry into his chest praying that this isn’t the last time I get to see my sister alive. The commotion in the room dies down and I look to see what is happening. My eyes instantly shoot to the heart monitor; I breathe a sigh of relief when I see that she has a heartbeat. I grab Jerry again and hug him tightly, I cry in relief, when I lift my head, I’m looking over his shoulder and I see my parents. I run over to them and hug both of them, we are all crying. After a while the doctor comes out of the room and we all rush towards him wanting to find out what happened.

“Dr. Moore, what’s going on? What happened? Is she going to be ok?”

“Mr. O’Hara, I’m sorry but your daughter has life threatening injuries, she is lucky to have made it this far and the next few days will be very important if she is going to make it.”  
“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

“That’s all I can tell you right now; we have to wait for her to get a little better before we can run more test, and even then we won’t really know the extent of the damage until she wakes up.”

“Can we see her?”

“The nurse is going to make sure she is stable and then you can go. I’m sorry but I have to go now.”

I feel like I’m going to be sick, I look through the window, and I still can’t believe that it’s Erin lying in the hospital bed, she doesn’t even look like a person anymore. A nurse ushers us to some seats and we sit down to wait. I hear my mom start to cry and I don’t know what to do, my dad is trying to console her, but I don’t think there is anything anyone can do until Erin is ok. After what felt like hours, but I’m sure was only minutes, we are allowed into her room. Again I don’t know what I should do, I don’t know if I should stand or sit, and for some reason I can’t keep my hands still. My mom is holding onto Erin’s arm and my dad is holding my mom’s hand. Jerry is on the other side his hand is on her thigh, I move a chair so I can sit next to her head, when she wakes up I want her to be able to see me. 

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The whole team is worried about Kelley, everyone knew that she and her sister are close and it would be devastating to her if she didn’t make it. It has been on my mind since Kelley left, what will happen if Erin doesn’t make it, what will it do to Kelley? It plagues my thoughts constantly and I wish that I could be there for her, instead of being at camp. We decide to write O’Hara on the inside of our arms for our next match, not just to show support for Kelley but her whole family. When I come down for breakfast on match day I feel sadden when I hear that Kelley called Alex, I wished that she had called me instead, but I’m relieved to hear that Erin is still alive even though she is still in a critical condition and has been put in a medically induced coma. I try to talk to Alex alone but everyone is trying to find out more, leaving my efforts in vain; I get the sudden urge to call her but I’m not sure if she’ll want me to, what if I just make her feel worse? I’m so completely lost in my own world that I don’t hear Carli at first, I only realise she wants to talk to me when she snaps her fingers in my face.

“What!” It comes out louder than I intended

“Sorry for wanting to find out how you are doing”

“Sorry Carli, I didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but I’m not the one who has a sister in a coma.”

“Yet here you are worried, I’m sure it isn’t just Kelley you are worried about. Have you tried calling, I’m sure she would want to hear from you.”

“No I haven’t talked to her since she left, I don’t know if I should call, I mean she could have called me if she wanted to but she chose Alex. And what if I just make things worse?”

“Maybe she called Alex because she didn’t know if she could call you, your stuff” and she flicks her hand at me “Is confusing even to me. I don’t know if I would call you but I would like to hear from you if I was in her situation. I really don’t think you can make things worse.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“So how are you doing?”

“I could be better, I’m feeling a little anxious and nervous, but I don’t know if it’s about the match, or Erin. And I feel really confused about Kelley; a week ago I wouldn’t have thought that I would be feeling what I’m feeling right now.”

“And what is that exactly?”

“I don’t know, I just feel like I should be there, I wish that I can just help her. You know make her feel better, give her some hope, let her know that no matter what happens I’m still going to be there for her.”

“Why are you telling me this, you should be telling her this”

“I can’t, she has so much to deal with, she’s probably going through an emotional rollercoaster right now, having to wonder about us isn’t something I want her to worry about right now.”

“Just do me a favour and get your shit together.”

“What?”

“I can’t spell it out for you, just figure it out and stop being such an idiot.”

Before the match we take a picture of all our arms with O’Hara written on it, and Alex sends it to Kelley letting her know that we are all thinking of her. Again I am overwhelmed by this feeling of jealousy, I feel like I should be the one that sending Kelley the picture and not Alex. The whole match long I’m distracted by this thought, and I can’t pinpoint why it makes me so jealous, Alex and Kelley are best friends I shouldn’t feel jealous about it, but I do. In the locker room everyone is happy with the win but I still have this heavy feeling, I don’t know how to get rid of it or what to do with it, I just wish I knew what to do. I feel like I’m just going through the motions taking a shower and getting ready to get on the bus, I’m oblivious to what is going on around me, when I sit down on the bus I just assume that Carli will sit next to me. I’m startled when Ali starts talking to me 

“What’s up with you?”

“Nothing”

“Please I’m not blind, is it about Kelley?”

I sigh I don’t want to talk about this, I don’t know how to answer that “Honestly Ali I don’t know, I’m just so confused right now.”

“What are you confused about.”

“Everything!”

“That not very specific, what is confusing you about Kelley?”

“I don’t know, I feel like I should be close and keep my distance at the same time. I feel like I should protect her but again I don’t think I have the right to anymore. Honestly I don’t know if we are friends, can you even be friends with someone after having a relationship like ours?”

“Look I don’t know the whole history; maybe that is a good thing because I’m going to give you a piece of advice and you can decide to do with it what you want. When you find someone that completely changes your life, you have to make a choice, let that person in knowing that it could break your heart completely, it could ruin you, but it could also give you the most amazing gift that life has to offer. Or, you could ignore it, act as if it didn’t happen as if it’s not important, and settle for something else, never knowing what could have been.”

I feel like Ali is not just talking about me but about her as well, like she is struggling with the same issue.

I smile “Thanks Ali.”

At dinner I’m still lost in my own little world, without the match to distract me there is nothing else to occupy my mind, I start to feel restless, I don’t just want to sit here I need to do something. Without saying a word I get up and head to my room, when Carli enters a few minutes later I’m busy packing.

“You can do that tomorrow, come hang out with everyone.”

“I’m going to the airport tonight.”

“What? Where are you going?”

“I’m going to see Kelley; I can’t sit here anymore and do nothing”

“Do you need some help?”

I look at her trying to find out if she is kidding I thought she was going to say I’m crazy “Sure.”

We pack in silence I don’t have that much stuff and before I know it I’m ready to go, I don’t normally give hugs, but I feel like making an exception in this case. I give Carli a hug she seems just as surprised as I am. I debate if I should even say goodbye to anyone or if I should just leave, I decide that there is one person that I should say goodbye to. I knock on the door and wait for the door to open, when Alex opens the door I feel that familiar jealous feeling but I smile and ask “Is Ali here?”

“Uh, yeah, hold on a sec” she turns around and yells for Ali. I’m glad that Alex goes back into the room I don’t feel like saying what I want to say in front of Alex. Ali gives me her signature smile and it makes me feel better.

“Hey, what’s up Hope?”

“I just came to say goodbye”

“Where are you going?” She gives me this smile like she already knows the answer to the question. I shake my head and smile.

“I feel like you already know the answer to that question.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t answer the question”

“You are going to make me say it, aren’t you?"

“That’s what friends are for right.”

“If friends are here to make you feel like an idiot then you are doing a good job.”

“Friends are supposed to make you feel like an idiot when, you are one, so go on tell me where you are going.”

I shake my head again “Fine, I’m going to Georgia, to help Kelley and her family.”

She makes this strange sound before I’m enveloped in a hug “I knew you would finally get it. Tell Kelley we’re thinking of her and her family.”  
“I will.”

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I didn’t have a clear plan of what I was going to do when I got there I just needed to get there, the plane ride felt like it was taking forever instead of the three hours it actually was. I got my bags and head towards the taxi’s, I’m about to get into a taxi when I realise I don’t know which hospital I’m supposed to go to, I was so focused on what I was going to do once I get to the hospital I didn’t realise I didn’t know where to go. I take out my phone and text Ali; hoping against all odds that she is still awake and that she knows where I’m supposed to go. After it went to voicemail I curse and decide to try one more time, just when I think it’s going to go to voicemail again she answers the phone in a sleepy voice.

“There had better be a good reason for you calling me.”

“I’m sorry, really, but I don’t know where to go, do you know which hospital I’m supposed to go to?”

“Are you serious, did you even go to Atlanta?”

“Yes I’m in Atlanta, but I don’t know what hospital, do you?”

“I have no idea; I’ll ask Alex....Wait, why didn’t you call Alex in the first place?”

“I don’t know.” It’s a lie, I still feel jealous of Alex and I don’t want Ali to know. I can hear some rustling on the phone, then it’s quiet before I can hear some talking, there is some more rustling and then Ali is back on the phone

“She says she’s in Atlanta Medical Center.”

I release a big breath before saying “Thanks Ali, you’re a life saver.” I end the call without saying goodbye and I get into the nearest taxi. When I see the hospital in the distance my entire body breaks out in a sweat and my heart starts racing. I get out in front of the hospital and I freeze, wondering what the hell I was thinking coming here in the first place, this was such a big mistake. I sit down on a bench outside the hospital I decide that this was a big mistake and since no one has seen me yet I’m just going to go home, no harm no foul. I grab my bags, before walking towards the road,

“Hope? Is that you?” I freeze in my spot, this didn’t just happen did it?"

“Hope?”

I turn around and give a small wave before saying “Hi Jerry.”

“What are you doing here?”

I rub the back of my neck “I wanted to see if there was anything I could do.” I look down at the ground; I feel embarrassed and not wanting to look right at him.  
“Then why are you sitting outside?” he looks at me questioningly.

“I......aaaaahh was thinking that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” My hand is still rubbing the back of my neck, and I start to panic when Jerry walks towards me, I’m completely floored when he grabs me and pulls me into a hug. I’m even more shocked when he starts crying, he completely loses it and I pull him towards the bench before sitting us both down. I can’t remember the last time I felt so out of my comfort zone, but there is nothing I can do so I try to console Jerry as best I can. I don’t know how long we were sitting there, but Jerry does eventually stop crying. He wipes his face before looking at me.

“I’m sorry about that” he sniffles some more, and he looks embarrassed."

“Don’t worry about it, it fine. Are you doing better?” I’m really worried; I’ve never seen Jerry cry before.

He shakes his head “Why did this have to happen to Erin, she’s such a good person, she doesn’t deserve this.” I rub his back, I’m at a complete loss for words, what do you even say to that, he sniffles a little more before getting up “Are you coming?” 

“Uh, yeah” I get up and follow him, we ride the elevator in silence, and when we walk down the hall, it feels like time is slowing down, I can hear my heartbeat, and as soon as I see all of them sitting around the bed my breath is taken away. I have never seen anyone look like Erin did, it was hard to even tell that it was her, but the worst part is that no one seems to have even realised that Jerry had left and returned; they are so consumed in just sitting and waiting, that they are so lost in their worry and fear, that everything around them goes unnoticed. Jerry goes to sit down in what I assume is his chair, I put my bag down behind the door, and still no one seems to notice my presence, even Jerry seems to have gotten lost in his own world again. I stand there awkwardly I don’t know what to do now, I take another look at all of them, I don’ think I have ever seen anyone look like them. I move slowly towards Kelley, I feel like I don’t want to disturb them, at first I just want to put my hand on Kelley’s shoulder and as I start to reach my hand out I second guess myself, my hand is still mid-air when I decide that maybe touching her would not be the best thing to do right now. I pull up a chair and I sit down next to her, as soon as I sat down she turned her head towards me, I wasn’t expecting that at all it feels like my heart stops beating but she just stares blankly at me like she doesn’t even know who I am. I take her free hand in mine as soon as I touched her hand she seemed to realise who I was. She pulls me into the tightest hug I have ever had in my entire life, but there is no way I am complaining about it.

I can’t believe my eyes when I see Hope sitting next to me I think it’s some strange dream, but when she takes my hand in hers I know it’s real and all I want to do is just hold on to her. When I do it feel like this heaviness has been lifted, like for the first time in days I finally have some hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you go, let me know what you think


	32. Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe that I finished this chapter already, cause I can't. SwanQueenx you're the best.  
> The xxxxx's in this chapter indicate a switch from Hope's POV to Kelley's POV.

I had joined the O’Hara’s three days ago, and in that time, they had barely left Erin alone, there was always someone with her; sometimes they would talk to her, and sometimes they would just sit and wait. I would go and get food or drinks but mostly the food stayed untouched. The rest of the time I would be by Kelley’s side, we’d hardly speak but Kelley always reached for my hand. Every time the doctor came they always asked the same question, and the doctor always gave the same answer, but today seemed to be different, the check-up was longer than usual, the tension in the room grew with every second that the check-up took longer. When the doctor was finally finished Dan was quick to ask,

“What’s going on? Is she ok?”

The doctor smiled and said “She is ok, our test indicate that the swelling in her brain has gone down, we can take her out of the coma. But I have to remind you that she may not be the same person, we don’t know yet what kind of damaged she sustained.”

Everyone seemed to be excited at the prospect of Erin finally waking up; I think they believed that everything would turn out alright as soon as she woke up. When I looked at Kelley her eyes were shining, they all had smiles on their faces.

“Did you hear that, they are going to wake her up.”

“Yeah, that’s great.”

I wanted to share their optimism but I had this feeling in my gut that Erin is going to have a lot of struggles ahead of her. They were all shaking the doctor’s hand as if he just told them that she would be fine.

“When will she wake up, do you know?”

“We are going to stop the medication that keeps her in the coma, but I can’t really tell you when she will wake up it could take a couple of hours or days, I also can’t tell you in what condition she will wake up. I cannot stress this enough, she may have serious neurological problems; her scans show she sustained injury to her prefrontal lobe as well as some injury to her temporal lobe. These two areas play an important role in personality and memory I want you to be prepared that she really may not be the person you remembered.”

Dan shakes his hand again “Thank you doctor, but we have faith that she will be alright, she has made it thus far already, you yourself said that you don’t know how she even survived till now.”

“I know, but that doesn’t change the fact that she sustained a serious head injury and that she will most likely wake up with some impairments.”

It seemed that no matter how much the doctor tried to tell them that Erin would not be the same they clung onto their denial that she would be fine. I wanted to believe that they were right that she is going to be fine, but one look at her and anyone will know that she will never be the same person again, be it mentally or emotionally this will leave scars for life. When the doctor leaves to continue his work the tension that was previously in the room has disappeared completely, they are smiling and talking the have even started eating some of the food I brought for breakfast. Their excitement start to lessen as the day wears on and Erin is still unconscious and the doctor and nurses can’t tell them when she will wake up. As the hours tick by a sense of dread slowly starts creeping into the room by the next day all the happiness from before has disappeared completely and there is just this sense of despair. When I tell Kelley I’m going to go get some coffee for everyone she clings onto my arm, she begs me with her eyes to stay and so I do, but after a few hours I need something to drink.

“Kelley, I’m going to get some drinks and food, I’ll be back in a few minutes, ok?”

This time she barely seems to hear me, she just nods her head, I give her hand a quick squeeze before getting up and heading towards the deli that is close to the hospital, the fresh air makes me feel a little better, but it also makes me realise how tired I am. I sit on the bench where I was sitting before Jerry found me, I take a couple of deep breaths, I look around me, still not sure how I got here. After a few minutes I go into the deli and buy some food and coffee, I know they hardly eat, but maybe if the food is there they will have some of it. 

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The happiness of yesterday has completely left me, now I just feel empty, I need Erin to wake up and be ok; I need my sister in my life. When Hope wants to leave to get some food I don’t want her to go, I look at her and she just nods her head before staying in her seat. After a while she says again that she is going to go get some food, this time I don’t see the need to not let her go. She gives my hand a squeeze before getting up but as soon as she leaves I wish that she was still with me, it is like the despair increases when she leaves. After a few minutes both my brother and father leave, I don’t know where they are going and I don’t care, my mom comes to sit next to me, I give her a sad smile and she returns it, she rubs my arm and gives me a kiss on the head

“I’m going to go get some fresh air, I’ll be right back.”

I just nod my head and she leaves too, I put my head down and it touches Erin’s arm, I feel so tired, I have never ever been this exhausted, emotionally, mentally and physically I am just drained. I lift my head and look at Erin’s face, she looks so much better than she did when I first saw her, her bruises are starting to heal, some of the cuts have healed, I just wish she would open her eyes. I stand up and kiss her lightly on the forehead

“Come on Erin, I know you can do this, open your eyes.....please”

I give her another light kiss on the forehead and sit down, when I look up at her again I can see her eyes flutter, it literally makes my heart flutter too, I jump up.  
“Come on Erin, open your eyes.”

I can see her eyes are moving even thought her lids are closed, and I get excited this could be it; she may actually open her eyes today  
“Come on Erin, you can do it, come one.”

I keep whispering those words over and over again, and after what feels like an eternity she does open her eyes, she opens them slowly, she starts blinking her eyes a lot and I press the button to call the nurse. She tries moving her head but because of all the tubes and wires attached she can’t move it a lot, this instantly creates panic and I can see it in her eyes

“Erin! Calm down”

This doesn’t seem to help at all, her movements become more erratic, and her heart rate increases, she starts moving her legs and arms, but they just seem to fail instead of doing anything specific. I want to yell to get the nurse but I don’t want to leave her. I put my face in front of hers and I say,

“Look at me, just look at me don’t worry about anything else, focus on me Erin.”

This seemed to help she didn’t move around as much but she was still afraid, her eyes were wide, I wanted to tell her to take deep breaths but she can’t with the tube in her throat. The nurse finally gets there and she rushes to my side when she sees me standing over Erin. 

“Go call the doctor; I’ll take care of her.”

I run to the nurse’s stations I tell them to get my sisters doctor, and I feel irritated by the way they seem to move so slowly when this is urgent. On my way back to the room I run into my mother, when she sees me looking so frantic she gets concerned immediately,

“What happened? Is Erin alright?”

“She opened her eyes Mom, she’s awake”

We both rush back to the room and the nurse seems to have gotten Erin to calm down, her heart rate is back to normal and she isn’t moving around as much, at first I am worried that she may have fallen asleep again, but I’m relieved to see her look at me when I move next to the bed. My Dad and Jerry get back and are worried when they see the nurse in the room but get excited when they realise that Erin is awake. After what feels like hours, the doctor finally gets there he goes straight to the bed, he gives the nurse some instructions and then he starts talking to Erin

“I know you are confused right now, but I need you to do a few things for me ok. I know you can’t talk so blink once for ‘yes’ and twice for ‘no’, do you understand?”

I immediately look towards Erin to see if she understood what he asked, and I feel relieved when she blinks only once, I see that as a good sign, until she blinks a few more times, my heart drops, does she not understand? Or are her eyes just dry? Or is it something else? The doctor doesn’t seem too worried, or maybe he expected this. I nearly jump out of my skin when I feel a hand on my shoulder, I turn to my left and see Hope standing next to me, I don’t even know when she got back. I feel like crying I just don’t know if it’s from happiness or sadness, I must have this look on my face because me pulls me closer to her by putting her arm around my shoulder, I instinctively move my head to her shoulder and I put my arm around her waist, while she kisses the top of my head. I turn my attention back to the doctor and he is moving his finger in front of Erin’s face.

“That’s good, very good. I have one more test to do and then we’ll see if the tube can come out of your mouth ok. I know this is going to sound scary, but I’m going to see if you can breathe on your own, so what I’m, going to do is I’m going to move the bed to a more upright position. Then we are going to turn off the ventilator, while it’s still attached, so if you do have any problems we can just turn it back on again. Now this is going to feel uncomfortable since you haven’t used these muscles by yourself for a while now, it will feel like when you start exercising after not exercising for a while. I’m going to ask your Mom to hold your hand.”

My Mom immediately moves to her side and grabs onto her hand, they nurse moves the bed, and it’s clear that Erin is uncomfortable. I can feel my own heart rate increase and I hold on tighter to Hope, she rubs my arm to try and calm me down; it makes me feel a little better. 

“Okay Erin here we go?”

The sound of the ventilator stops, the room is quiet; the only sound being made is from the heart monitor. I’m looking intently at Erin trying to see if she is breathing on her own or not, but there are too many people around her and I can’t make out if her chest is moving. I release a breath I didn’t know I was holding, after a few minutes I know she is breathing on her own, and I feel relieved. I don’t know for how long the test was being done but at the end of it the doctor seemed happy with the result. He tells the nurse a few things and then he turns to my parents.

“She seems to be doing good, but well be able to tell more once we talk to her, we will be taking her off the ventilator right now, you might want to go outside while we do it, it can look pretty painful.”

“I’ll stay.”

I want to stay too, but I’m not sure if I can handle it, Hope gives me a hug and whispers in my ear 

“If you want to stay we can stay and if you want to go we can go, I’ll be where you are.”

I don’t think I can be here when they take out the ventilator, I can’t see her in pain. I shake my head slightly and amazingly Hope seems to understand completely, she guides me outside to some chairs, Jerry and my Mom joins us, we all just sit in silence. After a few minutes the nurse wheels in a tray and in the blink of an eye the nurse is wheeling out the tray again. Silently we all get up and walk back into the room, my Dad is holding Erin’s hand, and the doctor is standing to the side.

“What’s going on is she alright?”

“When taking out the tube, we have to numb the throat a little, it should wear off in a few minutes, we’ll be able to talk to her soon.”

I grab onto Hope’s hand when the doctor gives Erin a few sips of water through a straw, it looks like she is even struggling to just drink water. My whole body starts to shake I’ve never been this nervous in my entire life.

“Erin do you know where you are?”

“Grarg……mhem.”

The panic in her eyes is heart breaking, she tries answering the question again, and again she only manages to make these weird noises. I feel like crying she can’t talk, the feeling in the room went from extreme happiness to despair, and what if she’s never able to talk again. I unconsciously move towards her bed, she looks at me but it doesn’t look like she recognizes me, it’s like she knows I won’t hurt her, but she doesn’t know why. She tries talking to me but it’s just a bundle of sounds there are no words, she tries grabbing my arm but she doesn’t have a lot of strength in her hands and it just kind of falls back to the bed. I start to panic she can’t control her arms either?

“What’s wrong with her? Why can’t she talk? Why can’t she control her arms? What’s going on?”

“I don’t know why she can’t talk, we’ll have to run some more test. She just woke up from a coma, she’s probably still struggling with weakness and control, she hasn’t used her muscles in a while. I’ll set up an appointment for some scans and we’ll try and get her in today, right now just try and stay calm for now.”

This time it’s my Dad talking, 

“What do you mean stay calm, she can’t talk, how is she supposed to go back to normal life is she can’t talk? Is this permanent?”

The doctor raises his hands in a defensive manner because my Dad is pointing at him and getting very close, even I was kind of scared and the questions aren’t even directed at me.

“Mr. O’Hara I can’t say anything for sure right now, we have to look at the scans and do some tests before I can give you any kind of answer.”

“Well then go do the damn tests and get me some answers!”

“Dan calm down, you’re upsetting her.”

We all turn to look at Erin and she look completely terrified, I can see the regret on my father’s face, and his face softens immediately when he looks at her. 

“I’m sorry Erin, I just want you to get better sweetheart; I didn’t mean to shout. I’m sorry.”

She just looks at him when she opens her mouth this gargling sound comes out but it doesn’t make any sense, she starts to cry, my Dad moves closer to her but she flinches away from him and he stops in his tracks. I let go of Hope’s hand and give Erin a hug, she cries into my shoulder, her whole body is shaking from her cries, I try to soothe her but it doesn’t seem to work. My Dad leaves the room with the doctor, Jerry just looks at us and Hope is comforting my mother who has tears in her eyes. Erin keeps her face hidden even after she has stopped crying, I can’t even imagine what she must be feeling; I don’t even know what I’m feeling. Hope is sitting with my Mom and Jerry, while I’m on the bed she mouths something to me, but I can’t figure it out, she’s too far away from me. She stands up and walks to the door for the first time I see that there is a bag from the deli next to the door.

“Does anyone want some food; I brought some sandwiches at the deli.”

“Uhm, yeah, I’ll have a sandwich.”

Jerry has always been one to eat during awkward situations; I don’t feel hungry so I just shake my head. Hope looks down at the bag, she frowns before saying,

“I haven’t seen you eat anything in days, you need to eat.” She looks at my Mom “Both of you do. She’s awake now and she is going to need you, you can’t let her down, just eat something, even if it’s half a sandwich, please I can’t watch the two of you not eating anymore.”

I don’t feel hungry at all but she is right, Erin does need us now, more than she ever has, and we can’t help her if we don’t eat. Hope gives my Mom a sandwich and walks over to me, she takes out two sandwiches.

“Which one do you want?”

“It doesn’t really matter, anyone is fine.”

“Do you want the BLT or the chicken mayo?”

“I don’t care, which one do you want?”

“I don’t care either, which one do you want, just pick one, even if you have to close your eyes.”

So I close my eyes and I just pick one, it turns out to be the BLT. Hope pulls up a chair next to the bed and sits down to eat her sandwich. When I take the first bite, it tastes like the best thing I have ever had; I hum in satisfaction and Hope smiles at me. I had no idea how hungry I was until I actually started eating, before I knew it the sandwich was done and I was still hungry. Hope pushes half of her sandwich over to me.

“No, I can’t take yours, you have to eat too.”

She shrugs her shoulders “I’m not that hungry, I haven’t been the one that hasn’t eaten in days.” She turns her head to look at my Mom, “Are you still hungry too Mrs. O’Hara?”  
My Mom clears her throat before answering “Uhm, I am actually.”

“Here, you can share this with your Mom while I go out and get some more.” She breaks the half of the sandwich into two pieces and says “Anything specific you want?”

“Anything is fine with me, Mom?”

“Yeah, anything is fine.”

“I’ll be right back, Jerry you want something too?”

“Uhm, I’ll come with you.”

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When I come back Erin is asleep and Kelley is sitting next to her Mom, they look worried, but also hopeful. I hand them both BLT sandwiches

“Here you go.”

“Thanks Hope.”

“Thank you.”

Kelley smiles at me and it makes me feel warm inside. I sit down next to Kelley I can’t help but watch her eat, I’ve missed being able to spend time with her. I feel bad that something this terrible has made me realise how much I want to be with her, but I’m glad I’m here, I’m glad I finally came to my senses. When she finishes her sandwich she reaches for my hand and we sit in silence, I know she Kelley is worried about Erin, I’m worried about her too, but what if her speech problem is permanent? 

“I don’t think I’ve told you yet, but I’m really glad you’re here.”

“There is nowhere else I would rather be.”

“Really? This is the last place I want to be in.”

“I meant that I want to be where you are. I’m not happy about why we are here, but I’m happy that I am here with you.”

She lays her head on my shoulder and I wrap my arm around her shoulder, she sighs deeply

“What if she can’t talk again….ever?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, for now just be happy that she is alive and awake. Why don’t you try and get some rest, you haven’t been sleeping a lot either.”

She turns her head to look up at me, she doesn’t say anything she just looks at me, she has this strange look on her face, I don’t know how to explain it; I just know that it’s a good thing.

“You can fall asleep I’ll still be here when you wake up, there is no need to stare.”

“That’s not why I was staring, but it’s good to know you’ll still be here.”

She snuggles into me and I rub her shoulder, trying to make it warm as well as comforting her. I do hope that she does fall asleep; I don’t think I’ve seen her sleeping more than an hour or so since I got here, she has to be exhausted. When I look over to Jerry he is sleeping and so is Karen, I try to stay as still as possible in case Kelley has fallen asleep as well. In the stillness I realise that she has fallen asleep, I can feel her steady breathing, I can’t remember the last time I felt so content with my life, like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. In the quiet I also realise that Dan hasn’t come back yet, it worries me; I’ve never seen him get so upset at anyone. But this is about the wellbeing of one of his children so I guess it’s not that surprising he is an amazing father to his children, he always wants the best for them. I don’t know when it happens but somehow I also fall asleep, when I wake up it is dark outside and everyone else is still sleeping. Dan is back, he is at Erin’s bedside holding her hand but he is also asleep, the only other person awake is Erin. The only reason I realise this is because she is crying, it’s not very loud but I can hear her sniffling, I subtly move my head some more and I can see the tears that are streaming down her face. This cry is not like the one before, before it seemed like she was crying out of pain and frustration, this time it seems like she is crying out of pure desperation, like she doesn’t know what to do. I want to comfort her but I’ve never been really good at it, and she may feel embarrassed about being seen crying, after a few minutes she is still crying and I can’t sit in silence any more. I grab my jacket and roll it up to make a pillow; I slowly put Kelley’s head on so she doesn’t wake up, then I walk over to Erin.  
She only realises that I am awake when I start to walk towards her, even in the dark I can see the fear and sadness in her eyes. I really didn’t think this through because when I finally reach her I don’t know what to do and she is staring at me, waiting for me to do something. I rub the back of my neck awkwardly

“I’m not really good at this.” My voice sounds so small in the dark room, I don’t know what to say, I turn to look back at Kelley; she would want me to help her as best I could. I clear my throat before I start speaking again.

“You may not think that you are lucky right now, but you are. Look at this room everyone her loves you and will do anything for you. If you can’t speak ever again you can be sure that they will do everything they can to give you a voice. If you have to re learn how to speak they will be there with you every step of the way. Even if you turn out to be a completely different person, they will still love you for who you are, because you are their daughter and their sister, there is nothing you can do that will ever change that. Try not to worry too much about what you can’t change; because you have something that most people will never experience, you have a family that really and truly loves, you, because they can.”

Erin has stopped crying she is looking at me strangely, she lifts her hand and reaches towards me, I take her hand in mine and I’m shocked by how weak she is, she can barely hold onto my hand, I think she is trying to pull me closer so I move closer to the bed. She pats the bed beside her, I feel a little awkward about getting into the bed; I was hoping my little speech would be the end of my comforting. When I climb onto the bed she snuggles into me, just like Kelley does which makes me feel even more uncomfortable.

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I wake up when I hear someone clearing their throat, I lift my head and realise that Hope isn’t next to me anymore, when I look towards the bed, she is standing next to it, she starts talking and her words bring me to tears. Not just because what she said is true but because she has never experienced love like that. When she stops talking I can see Erin moving, and soon after Hope is climbing into the bed, even from this far away I can see how uncomfortable she is, her shoulders are pulled up and she looks as if she is as stiff as a board. I almost laugh at this, but I know the only reason she is doing this is because she wants to make Erin feel better, I can’t laugh at her for that.

The next morning Erin is taken for some scans and we all just wait in her room, there is hardly any talking we all know how serious the results of these scans will be. When I look at Hope she looks completely exhausted, I don’t think she slept at all after getting into bed with Erin, she was still there when I woke up, but as soon as I did she got out of the bed, she looked really embarrassed about it.

“She wasn’t feeling too good last night; I was just trying to comfort her.”

“I know, don’t worry about it. Thank you for comforting her, I know it doesn’t come naturally to you.”

She just shrugs her shoulders, and comes to sit down next to me.

“It’s nothing. How are you feeling after your nights rest?”

“I’m feeling much better, thank you for getting me to sleep, I didn’t realise I needed it as much as I did.”

I take her hand in mine and put my head on her shoulder, I can feel her take a deep breath, and she releases it slowly. Now while I’m waiting I want to sit like that with her again, she is talking with Jerry and I walk over, she smiles at me and continues her conversation. I put my head on her shoulder and I intertwine our fingers, in this moment I feel like there is nothing I won’t be able to handle, no matter what the doctor says.

Erin looks exhausted when she comes back from all her test and she falls asleep almost immediately, we are all anxious to find out what the results will be, but for now we still have some waiting to do. Later that day the doctor comes by, he doesn’t look worried and this makes me optimistic.

“The scans reveal that Erin has sustained damaged to Broca’s area, this is the part of the brain that controls speech; it explains why she can’t speak. The damage doesn’t seem to be too severe but there are no guarantees that she will be able to regain her speech. I do recommend that she starts seeing a speech therapist, to try and help her relearn how to use her tongue and maybe regain back her speech. She also sustained injury to her prefrontal cortex, from what we have seen, it doesn’t seem to have had any affect. We’ll have to do some other test to try and find out what the damage has caused; so far all we have found is that she has lost her sense of smell. Taking everything into account it could have been so much worse, losing your sense of smell does have some problems , but it won’t really have that big of an impact on your daily life. For now she will just have to rest and start her therapy, if she keeps progressing like this she will be able to go home soon.”

We are all relieved to hear the news, it could have been so much worse, I feel so happy. I grab Hope around the neck pull her into a hug, she hugs me back tightly. I don’t even realise I am crying until Hope asks me

“Why are you crying?”

“I’m just so happy. My sister has a chance at speaking again, she has a chance at having her old life back, and you….you are here with me and I’m just so happy”

I don’t really know why I do it, but I pull her towards me and I kiss her, it feels like our first kiss all over again, but somehow it’s even better, my heart is beating wildly in my chest when we finally pull apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'm not sure when I'll get time to write the next one, but hopefully it won't be too long. Let me know what you think.


	33. If we weren't in a public place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to SwanQueenx

Erin got out of the hospital after almost a month, she was still really weak, and got tired easily, she still couldn’t talk either, but we were all just relieved when she was allowed to come home. She still has a long road ahead of her but being home has already made a difference, she just seems happier. Even though she can’t talk, she can still write, and after a couple of physiotherapy sessions her writing has improved so much that we can now read it, which has made life easier. She has speech therapy every day, and even though she still can’t talk she sounds better, it’s doesn’t just sound like random sounds anymore, but it doesn’t sound like words yet either. I’ve been helping my parents as much as I can but as much as I want to stay, I have obligations to my sponsors and teams, that have been great with me thus far but I do need to get back and start playing again, I don’t really want to leave Erin, after almost losing her I realised how much my family really means to me. I wanted Hope to stay but she had but off photo shoots and other commitments until she couldn’t anymore, I was upset when she left even though I understood why she had to leave; now I’m doing the same. My mom can tell it is upsetting me that I have to leave; she makes my favourite breakfast and drinks her coffee while I eat, and she puts her hand on my shoulder

“You shouldn’t beat yourself up over leaving. Erin will be ok and you can’t put your life on hold because she got hurt.”

“She didn’t just get hurt mom, she almost died. I don’t know what I would have done if she hadn’t made it.”

“But she didn’t, try to stop worrying about it, and go on with your life.”

“I don’t know if I can do that, I feel scared the whole time, what if I’m away again and something happens to someone else? What if I’m in another country? What if I don’t make it back in time and they die?”

My mom rubs my back “Honey, there is no way to know what is going to happen in the future, but you can’t stop living because of fear.”

“Aren’t you afraid?”

“Of course I am, I’m afraid every time you play a match, I’m afraid when you get on a plane, I’m afraid of a lot of things, but if I stopped you from doing something every time I was afraid, do you think you would be where you are today?”

“No…..I guess not.”

“It’s ok to be afraid, just don’t let it stop you from doing what you love.”

I give my mom a hug “Thanks mom, I just wish I wasn’t so far away from everyone I love.”

“Does that include Hope?”

I blush “I dunno, maybe….I guess. We still need to talk about some stuff.”

“Well one thing I can say is that I was wrong about her, I know I was kinda mean when you first started dating and I didn’t warm up to her, but I guess I finally saw what you did.”

“Are you serious?”

“I’m still upset that it started when you were so young, but she is a better person than I thought.”

“Mom, she’s an amazing person, I just wish you would give her the benefit of the doubt.”

“Maybe she can join you once when you come and visit, I’m sure Erin would like it too, she seemed to like Hope.”

“She does like Hope, everyone does; dare I say even you mother.” She gives me a soft slap on the arm

“Don’t put words in my mouth.”

After breakfast with my mother I felt better about leaving home and going back to playing, but I was still apprehensive, I hadn’t even looked at a soccer ball, not to mention do any kind of training for almost two months, I was probably going to play really bad. I decided that the first thing I needed to do to get back into shape was to start running, there is nothing like cardio to get the blood flowing, then I needed to get back on the field, to do some drills. I also needed to talk to Hope today, she said I should tell her when I was back in New Jersey and we could skype, we had been in contact every day since she left but we still hadn’t talked about the kiss. It was the elephant in the room that we were ignoring for now, I want to talk about it, but I would prefer to have the conversation face to face and not over the phone or a computer screen, I’m hoping she feels the same and isn’t ignoring it for some other reason. I must have been lost in thought because next thing I know Jerry is shaking me lightly.

“Are you ok?”

“Uhm yeah, sorry I was just thinking about…..stuff.”

He smirks at me “Did that stuff include Hope and your kissing at the hospital.” For extra emphasis he makes kissing faces at me.

I punch him in the arm “Shut up, I have a lot on my mind, I need to get back in shape.”

“Yeah I wasn’t going to say anything but you’ve really let yourself go. Look at that muffin top.” He pats me on the stomach when he says this.

This time I punch him on the arm “That’s not funny, do I really have a muffin top? Mom did I get fat?”

“Jerry stop teasing your sister, she is stressed enough as it is. You didn’t get fat, you hardly ate anything. And Jerry you better eat something before you head to the airport, you are not eating and driving.”

“Yes mom!”

I head back to my room to make sure I have everything packed. Then I go to Erin’s room, I don’t know how I am going to say goodbye. I’m torn between wanting to stay and wanting to go, I can already feel the familiar prickling in my eyes; I don’t want to cry I want to leave feeling happy. I knock on the door before opening it I first just stick my head in

“Can I come in?”

Erin is sitting on her bed, doing what looks like her therapy; she has a few cards spread out across the bed and a recorder next to her hand. She just shakes her head to tell me I can come in, I close the door behind me. 

“Can I move some of these?”

“Tur.”

“Hey sounding good there.” I look at the bed and see that ‘Sure’ is one of the words that she has been practicing “I see you have been practicing, that’s good.”

Erin smiles at me “I’m really proud of you, you know that. A month ago I couldn’t even make out one word you said, and now I can understand ‘sure’, it’s so amazing. I know when I come back to visit I’m going to be even more surprised....and proud of you. I wish I didn’t have to go now, I’m going to miss you so much.”

She pulls me in for a tight hug and the tears fall from my eyes, I didn’t realise how proud I was of her until just then. I wipe the tears from my eyes and she does too, Erin grabs her pad and starts writing something. 

‘You have to go and kick ass out on the field, I know I’m going to miss having you here, but I can’t wait to see you doing what you love. Just promise me that we’ll still talk every day and when you come to visit you’ll bring Hope with you, I like knowing that there is someone out there who is taking care of you.’

I pull her in for another hug “You are the best sister ever; I’ll send you a text when I get to New Jersey ok? And remember don’t do anything I wouldn’t.....or do” We both laugh, I’m glad to hear her laugh is still the same. I know she can’t go to the airport with me she has her therapy session, but it doesn’t make it easier to say goodbye  
I wished that Erin could come with me to the airport but she has her speech therapy session, it will just be me and Jerry, after saying goodbye to everyone else I wait in the car for Jerry, he’s always telling me to hurry up but somehow I always end up waiting for him.

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I was extremely nervous, the last time I felt like this I was outside the hospital, now I’m on a plane on my way to see Kelley…..and Erin, and Jerry and her parents, just thinking about it made my hands start to sweat and my heart start to race. I’m not really sure if I’m nervous about seeing Kelley or her family, I want to see Kelley but we will have to have a serious conversation, which I’m not sure how it will go, and I’m nervous about seeing her family because I know they have certain expectations and I don’t know if I’ll be able to fulfil them. And having to sit on this plane for hours is not helping with my anxiety, I feel the need to move around, which is causing my leg to jump around furiously I don’t even notice until one of the flight attendants walks over 

“Are you alright Ma’am?”

“Yes, perfectly fine….Can I just have some water please.” My mouth felt like it was a desert; I don’t know why it is so dry.

“Certainly, do you need anything else?” She puts her hand on my thigh, and I jump a little.

“No thanks, that’s all.” I don’t know what to do, did that just happen? Was she hitting on me? Why would she put her hand on my thigh? When I see her walking back to me with some water I tense up, please don’t let her touch me again, I don’t think I’ll be able to sit quietly if she does, she hands me the water leans down a little and says

“Are you sure there is nothing else I can do for you?” And again she puts her hand on my thigh, I nearly drop the cup of water, I quickly unbuckle the tray and put the cup down, she is smiling at me, which is making me even more upset. I don’t want people to look at us so I whisper 

“Could you please take your hand of my thigh, it is making me uncomfortable” she smiles put still takes her hand away.

“I’m sorry that was not my intention, I was just trying to make you relax, your leg was bouncing all over the place.” I feel stupid now I know why she was putting her hand on my thigh, but I still think it was inappropriate.

“Oh, thank you, I’ll be alright.” She smiles at me then she starts to straighten before she leans down again 

“But if you do need to relax some more I wouldn’t mind helping you. Just go to the bathroom before you go into first class, I’ll be happy to help.” She then leaves me sitting there thinking that I am in some kind of parallel universe stuff like this doesn’t happen in real life, not to mention in my life. I pinch myself to make sure I’m not having a nightmare and then I look down the aisle towards her, she winks at me and subtly points to the bathroom, I straighten up in my seat immediately. I reach for the cup and drink it all in one go, I need more water and the only way to get it is to ask for some. I look around to see if there isn’t another flight attendant close by, I breathe a sigh of relief when I see one a few seats behind me.

“Excuse me, can I have some more water please.” I hand her the cup 

“Of course, I’ll be right back.” Next thing I know she is right there putting a napkin down on the tray before putting the cup down

“There you are.”

“Thank you.” She smiles at me before leaving, I take a little sip but before I put the cup down I notice there is something written on the napkin, I pick it up and nearly choke on the water I’m swallowing when I realise it’s her number. When I look up she is looking at me, she smiles brightly at me, I duck down, this is not happening, two flight attendants on one flight have just hit on me? What is going on?

I gulp down the water she brought me, I shake my head trying to figure out if I’m really awake, and it seems I am. I grab a book from my backpack, I need a different reality, this one is just too weird for me right now. I don’t know how long I was reading but I’m pulled from my alternate reality when I feel the need to go to the bathroom, I place my bookmark before closing the book and putting it on the tray. When I get up I notice how badly I really have to go, the first bathroom is occupied, so I walk around to the next one which is also occupied, are you kidding me? I nearly run to the next one, my bladder feels like it is about to explode, I send up a prayer of thanks when the bathroom is unoccupied, unfortunately it is the bathroom before the get to first class which I don’t notice since I’m in such a rush. Before I can even close the door it is being pushed open and in steps the flight attendant.

“I’m glad you showed up, I have a feeling this is going to be fun.” She tries to kiss me but I push her off

“Whoa, what the hell are you doing? Get the hell out of here!” I push her back out the door and lock it. I feel so relieved when I’m finally able to go to the bathroom, when I open the door there are a bunch of people at the door.

“Excuse me?” I try to move past the person with their back to me when I hear

“It’s her, she did it!” I try to find the person that said it and I see it’s the flight attendant that tried to kiss me, but she is holding a cloth against her head. Is that blood on it?

“I didn’t do anything?” What is she talking about I didn’t hurt her.

“You pushed me, and I hit my head.”

“What! No you didn’t! You just stumbled a little” I swore she didn’t fall when I pushed her, she was standing I know it. 

“Ma’am, did you push her?” I have no idea who he is, but he’s looking at me in a way that is making me feel uncomfortable

“Yes, but it’s because she came in and tried to kiss me.” Everyone is now looking back at her

“I didn’t do that, I was trying to help her, she looked drunk.”

“I’m not drunk, I didn’t have anything to drink, I swear” this isn’t happening right now is it? The man from before speaks up.

“I’m sorry ma’am but I’m going to have to detain you until we land, come and sit next to me please.” This is really not happening.

“Uhm who are you exactly.”

“I’m air marshal Logan ma’am. Follow me please.” I don’t have a choice in the matter what am I going to do say no and make things even worse.

“Yeah sure.” I walk behind him until he stops and point to the window seat, I move past him and sit down, he sits down next to me.

“So what happens next? Are you going to arrest me? Wait am I under arrest already? I swear I didn’t hurt her”

“You aren’t under arrest but when we land you will be questioned, we’ll take some statements and if anything warrants an arrest you may be arrested.”

“Are you serious? I didn’t do anything wrong, she’s the one that was harassing me.”

“Well then if you didn’t do anything wrong then you can relax, right?”

“Right” He is right I didn’t do anything wrong, but I’m worried because she is bleeding and I’m not really sure if it’s because of the push. I think she was turning around when I was closing the door but I’m not 100% sure that she was, what if it was my fault.

I’m excited and nervous to see Hope, yes we have been texting, calling and skyping but it’s not the same as seeing her in person, plus we still haven’t talked about the kiss at the hospital, we have both alluded to it, but we haven’t had the conversation yet, and when we talked about her coming it was pretty clear, at least to me, that we were going to talk about it. When her plane lands I get really excited I can’t wait to see her, I can’t wait to feel her wrap her arms around me, and just like that the thoughts are wiped from my mind when I receive a text from her saying she is being questioned for an incident on the plane. I get worried, what happened? Is she ok? Is everyone else ok? I try to sit down and wait patiently but that just doesn’t work for me, I start pacing pulling out my phone every few seconds.

After what feels like an eternity, I receive another text saying she’ll be out soon. I feel a little relieved but mostly I’m anxious to find out what happened. When I see her she looks pale but fine, she doesn’t seem to be hurt, I rush over and give her a hug, I couldn’t stop myself, I don’t even know why I was so worried.

“Are you ok? What happened?”

“I swear Kelley, I didn’t do anything, I just hope they believe me.”

“You are scaring me right now, what happened?”

“That was the weirdest flight of my life, and I promise I didn’t encourage them, I was just minding my business.”

“Hope, you’re not making any sense, tell me the whole story.” She shakes her head before starting 

“It all started when I asked for some water, the flight attendant put her hand on my thigh, I freaked out a little but she took it away quickly, but when she brought me my water she did it again and I asked her to take her hand of my thigh, she said she just wanted to relax me since my leg was bouncing all over the place. The of course I felt stupid because I thought she was hitting on me, but that lasted for half a second because she leaned down and said that she could help me relax some more if I went to the bathroom close to first class. That freaked me out and when I drank the water I needed some more, but I didn’t want to ask the same flight attendant so I called another one, and when she brought me my water she put down a napkin with her number on it. I almost choked on the water I was swallowing, so I didn’t want to attract any more attention and I started reading my book, and then I had to go to the bathroom, badly. The first two I went to were occupied, and I was really starting to feel it, I was almost running to the other bathroom, unfortunately it was the ones the flight attendant was talking about, but I didn’t notice I swear. Next thing I know she is pushing in to the bathroom and then she tries to kiss me, but I push her out and I lock the door, when I come out her head is bleeding and she is saying it’s my fault.”

“Hey, they let you go so I don’t think you have anything to be worried about, it sounds to me like she should be charged with sexual assault or harassment or something.” I was upset, knowing Hope I’m sure she didn’t encourage them; she doesn’t like talking to strangers. Why did this have to happen today of all days, now I know she was going to be living in her head for a while.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” I lean in to grab her carry-on bag, when she pulls me into another hug, I can feel how tense she is and I hug her back as hard as I can.  
“How about we take a little drive before we go to my parents’ house? I’ll show you around a little bit; this is your first time here right?” She just shakes her head and I can already feel her walls go up, I wish she wouldn’t do that, just as I was thinking that this weekend wasn’t going to be as fun as I was hoping; when she surprises me by grabbing my hand and whispering

“I’ll try.”

We drive in silence for a long time, it gets broken when my phone rings, I can see it’s my mom calling I know she must be worried, I’ve been gone for much longer than I was supposed to be. Hope wordlessly sits next to me while I talk to my mom, I don’t give her a lot of details, I just tell her that we are taking a little drive and we will be back soon, I also apologize for not thinking of texting her first.

“I don’t want you to lie to your parents; I’ll tell them what happened.”

“If you want to you can, I’ll support you no matter what, I believe you didn’t do anything wrong.” I stop at the park that I usually go hiking with my family. When I get out she just looks at me

“Come on, the fresh air will do you good.” I make sure to grab some bottles of water at the vending machine. We mostly walk in silence, I want her to talk to me when she feels ready, but I can’t say I’m not disappointed that it’s taking her this long to say something. We stop and I show her the tree that the first ever squirrels I saw was in, the memory brings a smile to my face, and when I turn to look at Hope I can see she looks upset, I intertwine our fingers

“It will be ok. Come on I want to show you the spot we always go to have picnics in, the view makes everything seem small in comparison.” 

I don’t trust the strength of my voice right now, I want to tell Kelley that I’m upset because I never had the opportunity to make the kind of memories she thinks back to so fondly, when I think of my childhood I only remember fear and pain, the only good thing was soccer, I don’t know where I would be right now if I had never discovered it. 

When we reach the spot that Kelley was talking about I understand why they come here so often, the view was simply amazing, it makes you feel small and insignificant, but it’s simply magnificent, it looks like the green trees stretch for miles and miles around, and the contrast of the blue sky and the green of the trees makes both of them just pop. The smell of the fresh air makes me relax, I close my eyes and take a deep breath, the wind feels cool and calming on my skin, when I open my eyes again Kelley is looking at me.

“Feeling better?” I take her hands in mine

“Thank you for bringing me here. I didn’t know how much I needed it.” She looks at me waiting for more, but I’m not sure what she wants or what I should say. I decide to open up a little more, I told her before I would try

“Before when I was upset, when you told me about the squirrel, I wasn’t upset about what happened at the airport, it just…..it made me realise how different…..how different our lives are…..how…..how…….lucky you are to have the parents you do. I never expected......” I take a deep breath “I never thought that anyone, let alone someone like you…..would ever, care about me……love me even.” I take another deep breath “I never imagined that I would……feel…..that I…….” I don’t know if it’s the right time to say what I’m about to say, but I can’t stop now “Would love you too.”

I didn’t expect to hear those words come from her mouth so soon, but I’m so glad to hear them, when I let go of her hands I see the panic in her eyes, but before she can react further I pull her down by the front of her shirt and kiss her, I kiss her the way I’ve been longing to kiss her for a while now. I kiss her in a way that tells her I feel the same way, I kiss her the way I’ve wanted to be kissed since I realised my mistake. When we part I’m breathless, I feel Hope rest her forehead against mine, when I open my eyes I am overwhelmed by the love I see in her eyes.

“If we weren’t in a public place right now….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, but I hope you enjoy the chapter, and as always lemme know what you think.


	34. Are you serious?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years guys, and thanks to SwanQueenx

“There you two are, what took you so long, I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to show up.”

“Sorry mom, we took a little detour to our picnic spot.” I hug my mom and whisper in her ear 

“She had a tough flight, don’t bring it up.” I kiss her on the cheek before I grab Hope’s hand to lead her inside she just barely gets out the greeting to my mom

“Kelley, where are we going?”

“There is someone that has been waiting to see you for a while now; we can’t let her wait any longer.”

Erin nearly tackles the both of us to the ground; she gives Kelley a big hug before doing the same to me, I’m really surprised by how hard she squeezes. When I left last time I thought that her road back would be much longer, guess I was mistaken, I’m even more surprised when she says a perfect

“Hi”

“Hey, wow that is just amazing.”

“Thanks”

Kelley looks like she is about to cry and that’s when Jerry comes by to ruin the moment

“Yeah yeah, you can understand her so much better, what’s going on with you two?”

“Nothing”

“Yeah, they way you ran by mom I thought that you were going to your room to….you know.”

My face feels like it’s on fire and Kelley punches Jerry on the arm

“You are the worst brother ever, don’t you have to be somewhere like outside, helping dad with the food.”

“He’s a big boy he can handle it himself, I’m more interested in what’s going on inside, outside is boring.”

“Not only are you a bad brother you’re a bad son too. Where did mom and dad go wrong with you?”

“You two were too much trouble so I slipped through the cracks” he says while shrugging his shoulders.

This time both Erin and Kelley punch him

“Ow, that’s abuse you know, I’m going to tell dad”

“How old are you again?”

This goes on for a while, I can’t help but smile at them, and they always seem to revert back to teenagers when they are together. But they always seem genuinely happy to see each other when they do get together no matter what, and I can’t even remember the last time I even had contact with my brother, I don’t even know where he lives now. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I had parents like they did, parents who actually cared about you and wanted the best for you and not only cared about themselves. 

“Hey, you ok?”

“Yeah, sorry I was just thinking.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah”

“Well then let’s go help in the kitchen, the foo d smells amazing and if you are as good as me you may actually be able to steal a few snacks before dinner.”

“Rally Kelley?”

“Come on Erin, you do it too, don’t even try to lie” They both laugh and rush off to the kitchen. What have I gotten myself into?

The dinner went well; everyone seemed to be really happy to have both me and Hope here. I can’t remember the last time I laughed this much and had so much fun when I wasn’t on the soccer field. It also helped that the food was delicious I had forgotten how good my mom’s cooking was, and usually I won’t eat as much as I am, but I’m home and I can’t help myself. What is making me even happier is that Hope seems to be enjoying herself as well, I didn’t think it would have been possible to have gotten a laugh out of her when I picked her up at the airport, but then again I wasn’t expecting a declaration of love either. After desert the conversation did turn a little darker when my mom brought up Hope’s flight, I had hoped that my warning was going to be enough to keep her from asking but I guess it wasn’t. I was waiting for Hope to retreat like she usually does, and when I saw the flicker of fear in her eyes I thought it was inevitable, but she surprised me again when she told them about it. Of course Jerry was a complete ass and made fun of the attendants that were hitting on her, he stopped as soon as I gave him a glare. Everyone was shocked when she finished 

“Well I’m just glad you are here now”

I think Hope nearly choked on her water when my mom said that

“Uhh, thanks Karen?”

After the awkwardness we played a few board games but it was getting late and I was getting really tired. 

“Would you mind if I go to bed”

“Of course not, it’s getting late I think we should all go to bed. Kelley you can show Hope her room.”

“Sure mom.”

Kelley had this look on her face, and my mouth goes completely dry, she grabs me by the hand 

“Come on, your room is next to mine.”

She pulls me through the house and drags me into the room; I’m barely inside when she has her lips on mine, and it feels good, it feels really good. I barely register the door closing behind me, when her hands start to roam; my entire body feels like it is on fire; she ignites a desire in me that I’ve ignored for a long time now. I pick her up and she wraps her legs around my waist I start walking towards the bed when I am suddenly struck by the thought that I’m in her parents’ house, we are in their house and just like that I can’t go through with it. When I pull away she pulls me back without giving me a chance to breathe, I pull away again and this time she lets me.

“We can’t do this.”

“What! Why?”

“Kelley…..This is your parents’ house….your parents, no your family is out there, we can’t do this, I don’t want to have to be careful. When we do this, we do it right, I want all of you, no holding back.”

She kisses me again, and it makes me want to reconsider what I just said

“I love you, you know that” she is holding my face in her hands.

“I know” I lean forward and place my forehead against hers. She lightly rubs my face with her thumbs, it relaxes me.

There is a knock on my door and I kind of wish we could have had the moment for just a little longer

“Yeah” I immediately let go of Kelley’s hands when I see her mom.

“Karen, hey.”

“I just thought that you may need some towels, I know Kelley sometimes forgets these little details.” She gives Kelley a look that only a mother can.

“Thank you”

“Kelley isn’t your room next door?” she gives her another look that only a mother can give

“Mom I was only showing her around and saying good night, give me a break.”

“Fine, I’ll see you girls tomorrow.”

“Goodnight Karen.”

“Night mom, love you.”

When she leaves she closes the door and I can feel my heart rate returning to normal

“That was a close call.”

“It’s a good thing you used your brain. I’ll see you tomorrow, love you.”

“Love you too, sleep well Kelley.” I give her one last kiss before she leaves.

When I wake up the next morning I don’t really know what to do I know Kelley will only wake up much later and I don’t want to just rummage around in their kitchen, but I can’t stay in bed any longer. I sigh before getting up, I need coffee, I can’t start my day without coffee so I will have to rummage, but I am pleasantly surprised when I smell coffee as soon as I open my door. I walk quietly to the kitchen where I find Karen sipping some coffee

“Kelley told me you are an early riser, it seems like we both love people who enjoy sleeping way too much.”

“Dan sleeps late too?”

“Sometimes I wonder how he managed to keep his job; I even wonder how Kelley makes it.”

“She has good friends.”

“I’m sure you want some coffee too, make it any way you want.” She hands me a cup.

“Thanks.”

When I take my first sip, it is heavenly, god I love coffee. When I see Karen she is smiling at me 

“God I love coffee.” I laugh

“Me too, I don’t think I would survive without it.”

After drinking our coffee there is a silence surrounding us, we sit there and look out at their back yard it’s nice and quiet it reminds me of my own house a little, well the quiet does, the surroundings not so much. 

“Do you really love her?” I didn’t expect this question especially not so early in the morning

“Yes”

“Then why did you hurt her?” She really doesn’t hold back does she?

“I never intended to hurt her; I thought it was just going a little fight, that she wasn’t serious. Then she doesn’t call me back for a month and I get angry, I go to camp feeling really angry. But it’s Kelley and I just can’t stay mad at her, and when she tells me that she loves me, I don’t feel ready, because even though I still do love her I’m mad. Then somehow we end up hurting each other over stupid misunderstandings, and when Erin got hurt I couldn’t ignore her anymore she needed me. I love her I don’t want to hurt her, ever.”

“If you do hurt her again, I’ll show you my southern hospitality, I don’t want to see my daughter hurt like that again, are we clear.”

“Crystal.”

The rest of the house slowly starts to wake up, I help Karen with breakfast since it seems like the rest of the O’Hara’s all love sleeping and eating way too much, I’m kind of glad that Kelley isn’t the only one, but Kelley is the only one that looks really cute at least to me she does. Everyone is enjoying their breakfast when the doorbell rings.

“I wonder who would be here so early.”

Everyone keeps eating until the police enter the kitchen, then there is a sudden silence and everyone is just looking at them.

“We are looking for Hope Solo.”

“Uhm, that’s me” I have a feeling that this is going to be a long day, a really long day.

“Would you come with us please?”

“Can I ask why?”

“It’s about the incident on the plane yesterday.”

“Is she under arrest?” Dan is now on his feet, and everyone else is just sitting there looking at me.

“No, we just need some more information from her.”

“Then why does she have to go with you, why can’t you do it here?”

“It will jeopardize the case sir, I’m sorry but she just needs to come with us.”

“Dan, it’s ok, I’ll go, I’m not under arrest right.”

“We are coming with you, which station are you taking her to?” I have no idea where they are taking me since I don’t know the area well enough. I feel a little dazed I can’t believe this is actually happening, I just wanted to have a nice weekend with my girlfriend and her family why did this have to happen, what did I do to deserve this?

I can’t believe this is happening Hope leaves with the police while my dad gets ready to leave

“Are you coming?”

“Yes, I’m coming, just let me get dressed real quick, I’m definitely coming.”

The drive feels really long I don’t remember it being this long, and I’m also worried, what if she is in real trouble, what are we going to do if she is in real trouble?

“Dad, what are we going to do is she is in real trouble?”

“Right now we don’t know anything yet, worry about it when there is something to worry about.”

I know he is right, but I just can’t not worry about it, I just got her back, I was just getting hopeful for a chance to get back to where we were, to maybe be even better than we were. But now she is in the back of a police car heading towards a police station most likely getting arrested, hopefully not.

When we get to the police station I feel like I am about to be arrested, there are so many things going on around me but it seems like no one is actually talking to me. At first I don’t know what to do and then they finally start talking to me.

“You don’t need to worry Miss Solo, you are just here to identify the two flight attendants from yesterday. Well go through your statement again, and then we will go from there if it turns out to be something.”

“If it turns out to be something, what is something?”

“Well it looks like the two of them run a scam; they target people they can blackmail for money, usually famous or semi-famous people who they recognize, they try to make something happen, or allege that something happens, they always have some kind of proof, and they always back each other up, until yesterday, yesterday was the first time that they seemed to not be working together and we don’t know why, but it’s good for us. We also have a witness; one of the passengers says that he saw her hitting herself. We need your help to put them away.”

I wasn’t expecting that; I really thought I was in trouble, I can’t actually believe that this is happening right now, but I’m so relieved. 

“Sure anything I can do to help”

“Great, let’s get started.”

It took so much longer than I thought it would, I was exhausted and it was only noon, but finally I was able to leave. I was so relieved when I saw Kelley with her dad, she looked so worried, and extremely relieved when she saw me.

“Are you ok? What’s going on?”

“It’s ok, it’s all going to be ok, they just needed some more information so they could arrest the flight attendants from yesterday. It’s all fine, we can go now, we don’t have to worry about it again.”

“Thank god I was so worried that they wouldn’t believe you” She hugs me tightly, I kiss the top of her head and hug her back

“Let’s go and enjoy the rest of our weekend, I really want to get out of here”

Once everyone is filled in about what happened at the police station, we go on the hike that my mom planned, she had prepared a bunch of food that I was looking forward to eating. I like seeing my family with getting along with Hope and best of all Hope getting along with my family, I’m also happy to see that my mom is giving Hope a real chance.   
I know I was just here yesterday with Kelley but it still amazes me how beautiful it is; I need to start getting out more. I was just walking looking around when I feel someone taking my hand, I don’t have to look to know it’s Kelley, but it’s still nice to see her smile, so I do look at her. When I see her smile I remember that there is something important I have to ask her.

“Kelley are we going to the same place as yesterday?” I want to know because if we are it’s the perfect place to ask.

“Yes, we are, why?”

“I like the place it’s nice.” I can see she doesn’t believe me, but she won’t have to wait long to find out why I’m asking. I was expecting her to ask some more but she just looks at me and then swings our hands.

“I really like this.”

“What?”

“Being able to hold your hand, and not worry about anything. Actually just being able to hold your hand again, it’s nice.”

“It is really nice isn’t it; it would be a little nicer if Jerry wasn’t doing that though.” When I look at Jerry he is making these kissing faces at us.

“How is he my brother?”

“He loves you; it’s more than I can say for mine.” And in that moment I realise the mistake I made, I hadn’t told her I had a brother, I hadn’t told anyone I had a brother. The look on her face was painful, it was complete shock and hurt. Hurt that I didn’t tell her before.

“You have a brother?” She lets go of my hand

“Kelley, please let me explain, it’s not what you think.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know where he is, I don’t even know if he is alive. Kelley I haven’t seen him in years, I don’t…..we aren’t like you, my family….we don’t bring out the best in each other, we…..we only seem to hurt each other. I haven’t even thought of my brother until yesterday, when I saw you with Jerry. That is the kind of relationship we have, I didn’t mean to keep it from you, really I just…..it’s like he isn’t even part of my life, it feels like he doesn’t even exist. I don’t know how else to put it.”

She has a few tears in her eyes.

“Please don’t cry right now.” She seems to be able to pull it together

“We really need to talk about this, about your life. I love you and I want to know everything, nothing you can say will make me not love you, don’t keep things from me ok.”  
I just shake my head, I don’t know why she isn’t more upset than she is, I’m just glad she is giving me a chance to tell her about my life.

“What’s his name?” I guess I should have expected this question, just not so soon.

“Marcus.”

“Is he older or younger than you?”

“Yes he is older.”

“When was the last time you spoke to him?” I sigh I was hoping to have this conversation in a more private setting; I know she is going to be shocked by my answer.

“I was 15 the last time I saw or spoke to him.” Her face tells me everything; she doesn’t understand how I can have a brother but not talk to him for almost 15 years. 

“Kelley, my family wasn’t like your, the house I grew up in wasn’t like yours, my parents had no business being parents. I grew up in a war zone Kelley, there was fighting and screaming, and hurting each other just for the fun of it, I didn’t grow up like you did, but I survived, I made it through. And right now I want to enjoy my time with you, if you want to talk about this we can, but not right now, please not right now.”

“I love it out here; it always makes me feel like I can do anything.” She let’s go of my hand and puts it around my waist, I sling my hand around her shoulder.

When we finally get to the top, everyone seems to have a part to play in setting up the picnic, and I just stand there not sure what I’m supposed to do. Karen must have seen my confusion because she hands me a container filled with utensils, I feel a little relieved when I have something to do but then I realise we have utensils. I have never been to a picnic where we eat with utensils; I just shake my head and smile, this family just kills me sometimes.

“What are you smiling at?”

“You have a picnic with utensils? Who does that?” Kelley chuckles a little.

“When we were young, we used to make such a mess that my mom decided that we were going to use utensils, and now it’s kind of a running joke, we always use them now, even if they aren’t necessary.” That sounds a little crazy, but when I think about it, Kelley already makes a big mess all by herself; I can only imagine the three of them together when they were younger.

The food my mom made is so good, I wish I could eat this every single day, but then I would always eat too much, I already ate too much. I feel like just lying down and taking a nap

“Urg I ate too much, thanks mom”

“You should know when to stop yourself, you’re big enough.”

“Your food is just too good mom, I can’t help myself.”

“Go for a walk, it will help settle the food.” 

“Fine” She reaches her hand out to me

“Come with me?” I don’t really feel like going for a walk, I ate too much too. It then occurs to me that it would give me the perfect opportunity to ask Kelley.

“Sure, you can show me some more of your favourite places.”

“I’m sure she can!”

“Shut up Jerry.”

After walking for a little while Kelley takes me on a road that looks like no one never takes it anymore

“Kelley are you sure about this?”

“Trust me; it’s going to be fine.”

We walk, and climb over rocks; I’m sweating a little when we finally reach a clearing, there is a little bench and table, but the wood is old and creaky, it looks like it was going to fall apart as soon as someone touches it. When I turn to look around I see what Kelley means, there is a giant rock that had been carved into. It looks like Buddha and next to the sculpture is this wide open view where you see trees, hills the clear blue sky as well as a part of the city. It’s like you can see where nature meets man and it’s all overlooked by the sculpture.

“Wow, how did you find this place?”

“My dad showed it to me, he made those chairs and the table, but we haven’t been here in a long time.”

“Why did you bring me here?”

“When I was younger this was where I went when I was upset or needed time to think. I actually came here when my parents told me we were moving to Seattle. I was angry I didn’t want to go, but coming here made me feel a little better about it. Who knew that moving to Seattle would be the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“It was the best thing that ever happened to me too, and when I first met you I thought you were just this funny little kid. Now look at you, now you’re my funny little kid.” I smile

“I am not a funny little kid, I’m a grown woman.”

“Kelley you still prefer chocolate milk to coffee, you only drink coffee when we are with the team.”

“Chocolate is better for you than coffee, besides not everyone can be a coffee fiend like you.”

“You are right I am a coffee fiend, but I made a mistake before I said you were my little kid, but you’re not.”

“What are you talking about?” I take her hand in mine

“Kelley I love you, I didn’t think that I would ever say those words again, well not to you, but here we are, me saying it to you. I love you, I love being here with you and your family; I want to tell you everything you want to know. I want to hold you and touch you and kiss you the whole time, I can’t stop thinking about you, but there is one thing I have to ask you, something I should have asked you when I first got here.” I can see I have her full attention, I’m nervous, my hands start to shake a little I know what her answer will be, but I’m still nervous about asking the question.

“Kelley I would love for you……will you be my girlfriend…..again?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, lemme know what you guys think.


	35. A little disappointed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah SwanQueenx, helping out even when she's sick

The force that Kelley slams into me with, I nearly fall over, then she hugs me so tight I can barely breathe. Next thing I know her lips are on mine and I completely forget about everything, I’m happy until she gives me a swift punch to the shoulder

“Ow, what was that for?” I ask while rubbing my shoulder

“You really chose a terrible time to ask me.”

“What are you talking about? We are having a good time, the view is really nice, what more do you want?”

“Okay yeah, romantically you did well, really well, but seriously when I’m at home with my parents?”

“What’s wrong with that?” She moves really close to me and my mouth goes dry, she reaches out to the necklace I’m wearing, and plays with it a little.  
“Well let’s just say hypothetically, that my parents weren’t around” she gives me a little peck “And there was an empty house waiting for us.” She gives me another kiss, a little longer than the last one “And we have the whole afternoon.” An even longer kiss “What would we be able to do I wonder?” She gives me another kiss, one that makes me forget everything “But instead we are here, with my parents, and a house filled with my family and an afternoon of spending time with them. I love my family, but I love you in a…..different way, and now I have to wait to show you, because you decided to ask me to be your girlfriend when we are with my family.” She looks up at me still playing with my necklace.

I lean down and kiss her I couldn’t help it, her lips were just so inviting and the tugging on my neck made it hard to ignore them.

“I don’t care, I just want to be able to say that you are my girlfriend, and now I can. We have plenty of time to be alone in a house with hours to kill, and when we do, I can assure you we’ll use those hours well.” She punches my shoulder again.

“Ow, again?”

“That’s for being right.” She smiles at me and all and my arm doesn’t hurt anymore, I really am in love.

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I couldn’t hide my disappointment even thought I knew it was coming, I knew I wasn’t going to make the team for the Algarve I was too out of shape and my touches were off, I was just too sloppy to make it, but I was still disappointed when my name wasn’t on the roster. Everyone was being nice about it, saying that it’s not the end of the world; that I’ll be back as soon as I play some more matches. I knew they were right, but it didn’t really make me feel any better. 

I may be avoiding Kelley, just because I know that she didn’t make it onto the team and I didn’t know what to say to her. I know she is disappointed, we all know why she didn’t make it, it wasn’t her fault she just needs more time to be ready, but I know saying that to her won’t make her feel any better, I know it wouldn’t make me feel any better. So instead of looking for Kelley I’m avoiding her, I didn’t go down see the roster that was posted, I already knew I was going to be on the team and that Kelley wasn’t; everyone knew she wasn’t going to make it, she isn’t back to her best and only the best can make it on this team. I’m hiding in my room now, trying to think of what to say, what would I want to hear, and I can’t think of anything.

“What are you doing?”

“What?”

“Why are you still in our room? You don’t want to have lunch?”

“I’m not really hungry”

“Are you ok?”

“I don’t know, not really?”

“Is this about Kelley?” Sometimes I wonder when Ali got so good at reading me

“How did you know?”

“Because it’s you and Kelley, it’s like you share feelings, you look like she does.”

“Is she ok?”

“Come on, you know the answer to that question. A better question is why are you still here?”

“Because I don’t know what to do, what do I say to her?”

“Hope, you don’t have to say anything, all you have to do is be there for her. When Ash is ever upset about not making the roster it’s always hard to talk, I’m going and she is staying, but I don’t have to say anything to her, just being there for her is all she always needs. All Kelley needs and wants is for you to be there for her, so stop hiding and go out there.”

“You and Ash? When did that happen?”

“That is a conversation for another time, now you need to go find Kelley.”

“Fine, but we are talking about this. Did she make it?”

“She did.” She has that smile on her face the one that everyone can recognize, the one that tells you she is in love.

“We are definitely talking about this later.” I put on my shoes and head out the door, she is right thought, I need to find Kelley, and just try to make her feel better even if I don’t know what to say, I’ll just wing it I guess.

I feel like I’ve walked all over and seen everyone, everyone but Kelley, when I spot Alex and Tobin walking in the front doors of the hotel in occurs to me that she may have left the hotel.

“Have you seen Kelley? Did she go out with you guys?”

“No, we haven’t seen her, not since this morning, she was a little bummed.”

“You have no idea where she could be?”

“No, but I’m sure she is around here somewhere.”

I continue the hunt, but after looking absolutely everywhere that I can think of and even texting and calling I’m starting to get worried. I screwed up; I should have been there for her, why did I have to be such an idiot. I decide to go through all the rooms; one more time when I climb onto the elevator I realise there is one place I haven’t looked yet, the roof.

“Have you been here all day?”

“Has it been all day?”

“Kelley look at me.” She turns around and I can see that she has been crying, I cross the roof quickly and pull her into a hug.

“I’m sorry, I was a jerk.”

“Where were you?”

“I was hiding….from you, because I didn’t know what to say to make you feel better. I just wanted to make you feel better and instead I was a complete jerk. I’m sorry.”

She begins to cry, I can feel her shoulders shake. She is breaking my heart, I hold her tighter

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, I should have been here for you. I should have put my own stuff aside and just be here for you. I just want to make you feel better, what can I do to make you feel better.”

“Just hold me.”

“I can do that.”

I don’t know for how long we stay like that, I just know that I feel better in her arms. When she holds me like this it makes me feel like there is nothing in the world that can hurt me. The sound of her heartbeat is strangely relaxing, and reassuring, I think it’s becoming my new favourite sound. I don’t know when I stopped crying but all I feel now is hungry, really hungry, I haven’t had food since breakfast. I look up at her, putting my chin on her chest, when she looks down at me I can’t help but give her a small smile.

“You’re hungry aren’t you?”

“How did you know?”

“Because I know you.”

“We missed dinner.”

“We did. You know what, how about you go get all dressed up and we’ll go out for dinner. I’m sure we can find a nice restaurant around here somewhere.”

“Do we have to get dressed up?”

“Only if you want to.”

“I just want some normal food; we don’t have to dress up.”

“Sounds perfect. Do you want to get a jacket before we go?”

“It is getting a little chilly.” I wrap my arms around her trying to make sure she doesn’t get cold.

“Let’s get going before we both starve.”

We walk around the area a little bit looking for something that we both want to eat, but nothing seems to grab our attention, and I’m just getting so hungry.  
“This is taking foreeeever, I’m starving.” She puts her head on my shoulder

“Baby, how about we get some nice juicy burgers?”

“Juicy burgers? I love burgers.”

“I know that’s why I suggested it.”

“Where are there the nice juicy burgers?” 

I point out the sign that says juicy burgers

“Why are we still out here, my stomach is eating my liver.” She drags me to the restaurant only to find that there is a long line at the door.

“Are you kidding me, I’m dying over here.” I can’t help but laugh, she is reminding me of a little kid complaining about having to wait.

“Think of it this way, now we can spend some more time together.” She lifts my arm up and snuggles into my side, I hold her and smile. Nothing compares to this feeling

“That is the only good thing about this.” She is actually pouting when she says this, I wish I could kiss her but I don’t think I’ll be able to stop, she looks too cute.  
Once we are seated I grab the menu and open it, my mouth starts watering all of the burgers look so good, how will I decide.

“I can’t decide they all look too good. We can’t pick the same one, I want to eat some of yours too.”

“Who says I want to share with you?”

“Please, I can’t just have one, look at them, and the smell; you can tell it’s going to be good.”

Kelley goes quiet and her eyes get really big.

“O my god Hope, look at the size of that thing, I want one of those.” She is almost falling out of her chair trying to get a better look at the burger.

“Calm down, you can get that one, and you can also pick one for me.” That snapped her attention back to me quickly. She looks at me a little sceptically.

“Really?”

“Yes, really……just don’t take too long to decide.” She immediately starts flipping through the menu, and I start to regret my decision, I can already see how she doesn’t know what to choose, and now she wants to choose something that I would like too. 

“Kelley, you can choose anything, just as long..”

“As it doesn’t have pickles, I know, but everything just looks so good. Why don’t you look at the menu and give me a few options, I can’t decide.” I take the menu from her and slowly flip through looking at the pictures and reading what would be on the burger, I’m assuming you can ask for no pickles since all the burgers seems to have pickles. After giving her a few options I’m glad to see she picks the one that I wanted the most. Even though it takes her almost five minutes for her to finally make a decision I’m just glad that we can order and eat pretty soon.

I want to bring up the roster, but I also want to keep the smile on her face, and I don’t know how to do that. She grabs my hand from across the table  
“I’m going to be ok you know. It sucks that I’m not going with you, but I wouldn’t change the last couple of months for anything in the world. It made me realise that I’m really lucky to have the family and friends that I have, and it also gave me you back, so I’m going to be ok, because I have you and I have the team. And soon I will also have a belly filled with a gigantic burger.”

“How did you even know?”

“You had the look on your face.”

“What look?”

“The ‘I want to say something, but I don’t know how’ look on your face.”

“I have that face?”

“Yeah, you have other faces too, but for now I will keep them for myself.”

“I’m glad you are ok, I just wish I could have made you feel better.” She squeezes my hand

“You did make me feel better. You are buying me a burger aren’t you?”

“Yes I am.” I would buy anything for her today, just to keep that smile on her face.

The waitress brings our burgers and I even though I am hungry, I still don’t think I’d be able to eat all of it. Kelley’s is even bigger, but somehow I don’t think she will have a problem. When she takes her first bite it is pretty obvious that it’s really good, there is some juice and ketchup stuck to the side of her mouth, just a little bit you can barely see it.

When I finish my burger Hope is still busy eating, but it’s clear she isn’t going to finish it, I don’t know if I can eat anymore, but I do want to try some of hers  
“Can I have a bite?”

“Please do, I can’t eat anymore of this.” Her burgers is good too, she doesn’t have the crispy bacon on that mine had, but hers does have a really spicy sauce, that gives it a nice kick.

“Mmmmm, this is good, we should come her again…When we get a chance to.”

We take a walk after we finish eating, my stomach is so full I don’t know why I am taking a walk, it is so uncomfortable.  
“Baby my stomach is really full.” She puts her hand on my stomach

“You have a proper food baby there Kell, let’s just walk back to the hotel, it is kind of cold outside.” I give her forehead a kiss and wrap my arm around her waist. She snuggles a little into me and we walk in silence back. I’m kind of a little sad that the night is coming to an end; I didn’t think I would have had as much fun as I did. I almost feel like a teenager when we get to her door, having to do the goodnight kiss in front of her door. It was one of the rules our new coach made, it wasn’t ideal, but I think it was fair.

“Thank you for cheering me up….I appreciate it.” I lean in and give her a kiss, nothing too serious, not after we were caught once by Pinoe, who would not stop talking our ears off about it for two whole days.

“It was definitely worth it.”

I go to bed with a smile on my face, feeling happy and optimistic about the future, one that I didn’t think I would ever even think about. Yet here I am hoping and dreaming about my happy ending.

I feel like I just fell asleep when I am woken up by a lot of shaking. 

“What the hell?” Ali shoves her computer in front of my face

“A better question is what is this?” When I look at the screen I can see a picture of me and Kelley, it’s from last night, when I think about it, I can’t help but smile.

“O my god Hope is it true?”

“Is what true? What are you talking about?”

“Did you even read the headline?” I focus on the headline and it’s like my mind goes completely blank.

“Is it true?”

“Of course not, how would we even do that without anyone finding out, without even talking to anyone about it. It’s insane!” Next thing I know Kelley and Alex are rushing into the room.

“Yes I know it’s not true, but that picture looks really suggestive, what the hell were you guys doing?”

“How many people have seen this? Where did they get this in the first place? How didn’t we notice someone taking a picture?”

The next person in the room is Pinoe

“Guys is this true?” She points at the computers

“It would be really cool, but also uncool since you didn’t tell us about it.”

“Pinoe it’s not true!” Everyone yells in unison. She holds up her hands in defeat.

“Ok, ok, I’m just going to go to my own room now, and let everyone else know that it’s not true.”

As soon as she is out of the room she yells really loudly

“Everyone it’s not true, go back to bed!”

Kelley comes to sit on my lap

“What are we going to do about this?”

“I don’t know yet, but it will be ok.” I give her a small peck on the lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may be a while before the next chapter, going to be a little busy, we'll just have to wait and see. But I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and lemme know what you think.


	36. Harder than I thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to SwanQueenx for reading and editing!

I was nervous, the new coach was not like Pia, yes I liked him so did Hope, but he didn’t seem to be as open as Pia. He told us he didn’t mind us having a relationship, as long as it didn’t interfere with our commitments to the team. It didn’t have an effect before so we didn’t think it would be a problem now, we didn’t think something like this would have happened, who could predict this. While we were waiting for Tom it made me feel like I was in high school waiting for the principal, like I did something bad, something wrong, my hands starts sweating when the door opens and we enter.

“Sit down.” We both sit down immediately; if there wasn’t so much tension in the room it would have been funny. He turns a laptop towards us.

“Can you two explain why I wake up to this?”

“We have no idea, we just went out to have some fun, camps over and we don’t have matches any time soon.”

He leans forward and rests his chin on his hand, he reads the headline.

“Mmmm ‘A little O’Solo on the way?’ Why is your hand on her stomach like this?” The picture was misleading, but it was also a personal moment between us, and he just asked it so impersonally.

Now I feel bad for having eaten so much last night, the picture really does look misleading, but it was completely innocent.

“I ate too much and Hope was just feeling my food baby, that’s it, no real baby, no pregnancy.”

“And who are these sources that say you have been discussing this, and that the team supports you? Have you been talking to the girls about this?”

“No way, absolutely not. We just started dating again; we are not ready for a kid right now.” Hope replied before I even had a chance to think about the question.

“Yeah we are definitely not pregnant or planning on getting pregnant anytime soon.” 

“So what do you two want to do about this? It’s been picked up by a few websites already, are you two going to make a statement on your own or is US soccer going to make a statement on your behalf?”

“Would it really matter who or how we make the statement?”

“In my opinion I think it would be better if you did it by yourselves just because people will find it more sincere, and it doesn’t really have anything to do with soccer either.”

“Then why did you ask?”

“I just wanted to know what your plan was, I don’t want any conflicting reports out there, who knows what people will think if we aren’t saying the same things.”

“Would it be that bad if it was true?” He seemed to be almost disgusted by the thought of two women having a child together.

“Like I said before, I don’t care if you date but I don’t want it affecting your commitments to the team, you being pregnant would affect your commitment to the team.”

“So what you are saying is that we would have to ask for permission if we wanted to get pregnant one day.”

“It would be preferable.” I don’t know why but the way he said it just made me angry. Hope must pick up on it because she puts her hand on my leg, it doesn’t help at all.

“Are we done here? My flight is leaving in a few hours and I would like to say goodbye to the girls”

“Yes, of course you are free to leave.” Just the way he says that sends a shiver down my spine, Hope puts her hand on my lower back and leads me out.

“Did that bother you as much as it bothered me?”

“Did he creep you out as much as he creeped me out?” We say this at the same time, I’m just glad I’m not the only one.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“I miss you already!”

“Kelley, we just got here.”

“I know but I miss you, you’re going to be gone for two whole weeks.”

“Uhm, you do realize that we have a long distance relationship already right? We have gone longer without actually seeing each other.”

“I know, but just knowing that you are on a different continent makes me miss you, I can’t just go and visit……spontaneously.”

“It’s two weeks; I’ll be back to before you know it. Besides you are going to be busy with practice and getting back to your top self and I’m going to be busy with the team. One more thing, you can come and visit any time you want, just not spontaneously, I don’t think I have enough food in my house to feed you. And when you do visit I want you to have everything you want.”

“Aaaawwww you’re so sweet, now you’re making me miss you even more.”

“I miss you too, but I have to go now, we are checking in and then we have a meeting. Love you talk to you later.”

“Love you too, bye.” I feel like a clingy needy teenager, for some reason I just want to be with her the whole time. I don’t even know why, there isn’t anything going on right now, I’m actually kind of bored, all I have to do is play soccer, which is really nice, but I don’t have anything else to do, there are no major competitions to prepare for this year. Yes, we still have small tournaments around but nothing major.

“Hey, are you coming?”

“Yeah, I’m almost done, just putting my shoes on.” Going to the field with some of the girls will be the perfect thing toaren’t take my mind off Hope being away. 

“Aaaw, aren’t you just so sweet, calling your girlfriend as soon as we land.’’ I knew there was a risk of someone hearing me talking to Kelley; I was just really hoping it wouldn’t be Pinoe. Her teasing is either brutal or relentless. I give her a stare to show her I’m not in the mood for her shenanigans, hoping it will be good enough to shut her up because I don’t know what to say to her right now. She swings her arm around my shoulder 

“Oh Hope, after what I just heard that look is not scary at all. You are just a big old softie aren’t you?”

“That was a private conversation between me and Kelley, I’m a big softie for Kelley and the last time I checked you aren’t Kelley are you?”

“With this hair? Are you crazy?” I give her the stare again and add,

“Then why are you touching me?” It looks like this time it does have the desired effect she removes her arm from my shoulder. I keep staring at her she shrinks away from me before she starts to slow her pace; eventually she isn’t walking next to me anymore. I smile at myself; I may be in love but man I still got it.

After playing all afternoon with the girls I was exhausted……and hungry, really hungry. The best thing about the afternoon was that I was playing the sport I loved; the bad thing was that every time I scored a goal it made me think of Hope. The only thing distracting me from her right now is that I’m focused on getting food, I can’t decide what I want which makes me remember the night Hope and I got burgers, it makes me smile.

“What is that about?” 

“Nothing, I was just thinking.”

“Do you want to share? I want to smile like that too.”

“Little Foord, I don’t know if you can handle my thoughts.”

“Okay, you may be right. But I am starving have you decided what you want yet?”

I sigh “No, you should just pick.”

“Fantastic, burgers it is.” My thoughts go back to Hope, why can’t I stop thinking about her. Now I miss her again.

“What the hell just happened, you love burgers.”

“I know, but burgers make me think of Hope.”

“What is with you, everything makes you think of Hope?”

“I know that, I can’t help it.”

“Is everything ok, you know after the whole ‘They are pregnant,' ‘No they aren’t’ debacle. That looked kind of stressful.” I smile at the memory.

“No, it was fine; we found it pretty funny actually. The only stressful part was getting the team of our backs. Especially Pinoe, she is like a dog with a bone, she kept making so many jokes eventually she was the only one laughing. And if you know Pinoe; that can take a while.”

“Well, I’ve never been in love so I don’t know if its normal to think about the person you love, or are in love with, as much as you think about Hope. But I don’t think it’s normal, that’s my two cents.”

“Aaaww you haven’t been in love? That’s so sad.”

“Kelley, I’m 19 years old. It’s not that odd.”

“I met Hope when I was 16.”

“And she met you when she was 20.”

“Touchè.”

“Okay so come on let’s go, I still want burgers. We are leaving right now, because I can feel my stomach digesting itself.”

The meeting felt like it was taking an eternity, I’m just tired and I want to go to my room and skype with Kelley. I don’t know what is going on with her today, she has been texting me all day long, usually I don’t mind, it’s nice to hear from her, I like it that she thinks about me. But it’s just been over the top today, I think I have received at least 10 messages since the meeting started. 

“I don’t know if Kelley isn’t satisfying you, or if you just miss her, but don’t you think you should do that in the privacy of your room?”

“What are you talking about?” Pinoe points to my pants. 

“I don’t know how you can concentrate with all that vibrating going on in your pants, I’m sure it feels good.” She winks at me and I can feel my face burning up. It’s not what she is thinking at all. I give her a shove.

“It’s Kelley you jackass.”

“Oh I see; she likes to be a part of the action even when you guys are apart. I never would have pegged Kelley for a ‘phone sex’ kind of person.” I’m pretty sure I would have found this as funny as Ali, Ashlyn and Tobin are finding it, but with it pointed at me and Kelley I’m finding it really personal.

“That is none of your business.” I turn towards my friends “You should remember that I hold a grudge and I am not someone to be messed with, I can bide my time to get back at people.” I feel like it would have been so much more powerful if I could have left the room, but since we were in our meeting it was impossible. I wanted to just change my seat but that would just look ridiculous, so I stayed put but it did keep everyone else quiet, even Pinoe.

“You would not believe what Pinoe said to me during the meeting, and then Ali, Ashlyn and Tobin kept laughing.”

“What did she say?”

“Well it was partly your fault…”

“What! I’m not even there?”

“I know, but you kept sending me texts and my phone kept vibrating, and she made this joke about having a vibrator, and when I tried to explain that it was you texting me she said she never knew you were into phone sex.” I can’t believe it when Kelley bursts out laughing.

“It’s not funny Kelley.”

“Come on, it is a little funny babe. It’s Pinoe, she is always a little inappropriate, but she means it in the best possible way.” It was funny, but it made me realize something, it’s probably why I’m acting so weird today, it makes me feel a little stupid actually.

“How is making fun of our sex life, a nice thing to do?”

“Maybe she is making fun of it because she is picking up on the tension you have about it.” She is not the only one who is having these issues.

“I don’t have tension about it?”

“Oh please, I can see your shoulders creeping up.” She is right I can feel the tension; I just don’t like talking about sex with other people, even if I have seen them in their birthday suits. “You know she is not going to stop picking on you until you don’t give her a reaction anymore.”

“I don’t know how not to react to her saying stuff like that.” I quickly rub my face. “But I want to talk to you about your texting, what is going on are you ok?”

“Yeah I just miss you.”

“Kelley, you sent me like a 100 messages today. We talk everyday but this is over the top; you know you can tell me anything right.”

“It’s not serious, it’s stupid, just forget it.”

“Kelley, if it’s bothering you it’s serious. What is it?”

“I don’t want to talk about it over skype; I’ll just wait for you to come back.”

“Are you sure you?”

“Yeah, give Ali a break she can be in the room when we are skyping.” She smiles at me

“I didn’t tell her to go away she was going to say goodnight to Ashlyn, she still isn’t back yet.”

“Oooh really, what’s going on there? Are they dating now?”

“I don’t know but something is definitely going on, I just don’t know how I feel about Ashlyn yet. She seems like a player and I don’t want Ali getting hurt.”

“Aaaw look at you, being all protective. But just get to know Ashlyn a little before you judge her, you did say that some of your friends heard Pinoe and you mention Ashlyn.

“I only mentioned Ashlyn because she was there, and it’s weird to say Ali, Tobin and Ashlyn. Ali and Ashlyn both start with an A, so it’s easy to say them together. But she is a team mate not really a friend.” Kelley shakes her head “I can choose my friends, and I don’t know her that well, she seems a little wild, I don’t know if I want to know her.”

“Hope, you are friends with Pinoe, there is no one who is as wild as Pinoe. Give Ashlyn a chance I like her she is really funny and a great person. And Ali likes her; give her the benefit of the doubt.”

“You like her? When did you hang out with her?” 

“When I hung out with some of the other girls she was there too and she was a lot of fun, so yeah I like her she seems like a good person.” That’s when Ali walks into the room.

“Hey Kelley, how’s it hanging?” My eyebrow rises at that; did Ali just say, ‘How’s it hanging?’ 

“Just chillin girl, how’s Ash?”

“She’s good, but I’ll let you guys continue, I’m going to get ready for bed. And if you do something, just keep it down ok.”

“Just as long as you return the favor.” Ali just walks away laughing.

“She looks so happy. Why do you look so grumpy?”

“I don’t like this, Ali is a special person and Ashlyn seems like she doesn’t care about people that much. I don’t like that Ali is so attached to her already.”

“Should I be worried about you and Ali?”

“What!? No, I only have eyes for you. I just want my friends to be happy.”

“Then don’t judge Ashlyn, remember how you felt about judgement? Get to know her; I think you’ll like her.” I raise my eyebrow again I’m skeptical about it. “Don’t give me the eyebrow raise just do it.”

“Fine.” She laughs at me

“I’m glad to see that sometimes you are the one that acts like a kid.”

“Shut up.”

“Just promise me you’ll give her the benefit of the doubt, remember Ali likes her and I like her and I love you.” Ali comes out of the bathroom.

“I’m all done, so it’s all free for when you are done.”

“Thank. I have to go now, it’s getting late and I still have to get ready.”

“Ok, I’ll talk to you again tomorrow. Love you.”

“Love you too.” I click on the button, and start to get ready for bed. When I get out of the bathroom Ali is already asleep, I’m feeling pretty exhausted too, it was a long day.  
After the conversation with Hope I’m feeling really good, but I also can’t believe where my insecurity is coming from, it’s so stupid. I’m not sure how she will react to it, maybe it’s just because I want to be closer to her and we haven’t really gotten a chance to be close. She lives in Seattle and I live in New Jersey it’s not like we can just go over to each other’s houses and hang out, and have a conversation face to face. I think we need to talk about the magazine, Hope has never brought it up and every time I do, somehow the topic of conversation gets changed or we are interrupted.

I decided that I would take Kelley’s advice and get to know Ashlyn, how hard could it be we were both goalkeepers. The first thing I do before I roll out of bed is to send Kelley a text, letting her know that I was going to follow her advice and that I would talk to her later; now I needed my coffee, badly. The first sip and I know the day is going to be a good one; that was until Pinoe came in and started up with her jokes, I tried to do what Kelley said and act as if it didn’t bother me, but it did and she could see it. I finished my breakfast quickly; luckily Paul had an early practice for the keepers, so I had an excuse, other than Pinoe is bothering me, for eating so quickly. It also presented the perfect opportunity for me to start a conversation with Ashlyn.

Barney was lost in a book as usual; it was a good and a bad thing, a good thing because that meant that Ashlyn would have someone else to talk to, but a bad thing because I don’t know how to start the conversation. There is a silence in the car I kept running through things in my mind to say, but nothing seemed right, so I went with the one thing that I know we both like, Ali.

“Have you heard Ali speaking German yet?”

“What?” She had a look of utter shock on her face. I turn to look at her so she knows that I am talking to her.

“Have you heard Ali speaking German yet?”

“Uh, a few times yeah.” 

“It’s pretty cool don’t you think?”

“Yes.” Usually she is talking constantly, why is this so hard. I have no idea what else I can talk about; I was hoping she would start rambling or saying more than a few words, looks like it was too much to ask for. The only other thing I can think of was talking about the first time we met, I was rude, I know but I don’t like apologizing, especially to people that I don’t know very well; but I told Kelley I would try.

“I didn’t mean to be so rude the first time we met.” Her face tells me that she wasn’t expecting that and that she is a little suspicious, I can’t blame her I would be too.

“Is this some kind of prank or something?”

“No, I was angry, and you were there, it didn’t have anything to do with you.”

“Seriously who put you up to this?”

“No one.”

“You have hardly said anything to me since that day and I’ve been coming to camps for a while now. Why now?”

“Barney is busy and I’m bored.” Okay it’s not completely the truth, but I am bored and Barney is busy.

“You have a phone right?”

“Yes.”

“So play with that instead.” See this is why I don’t like her; I don’t get what Ali sees in her. I take out my phone and send a text to Kelley ‘I tried, but she is so stubborn and I can’t handle the attitude.’ After that I play a game, I didn’t want to talk to Ashlyn or anyone else for that matter, she just put me in a bad mood. 

After a full day of practice I was tired and hungry I couldn’t wait to sit down and have dinner. Plus my day did not start good after my chat with Ashlyn, Kelley had sent me a bunch of text today about it, but I don’t think I’ll change my mind about her. I don’t know what it is; she just rubs me the wrong way. 

I find it so ironic that Hope has a problem with Ashlyn’s attitude, when she has one as well, she is also just as stubborn, maybe they are just too much alike and that is why they can’t seem to get along. The fact that she has also been ignoring most of my text because of Ashlyn tells me that she really did upset her even if she wouldn’t admit it. I’m tired of being ignored so I do the one thing I know will get her attention, a pictures is worth a thousand words after all. And just as I thought she replied immediately, on the one side it made me really giddy that I could get her to react so quickly but on the other hand I was a little upset that I had to go so far to get her to stop ignoring me, even if she was in a bad mood. Yet here I was making a skype date just because the giddy feeling overwhelmed the upset feeling.

Yes, I was hungry but I would much rather talk to Kelley, than continue eating, especially after the picture she sent me. When I got the text that she wants to skype my head went straight to the gutter, I nearly dropped my fork; I may have drooled just a little bit too. I put the fork down and get ready to leave.

“Hey, where are you rushing off to?”

“Oh, uhm, Kelley wants to skype so I’m just going to go up to my room.”

“Yeah skype is really important in a relationship. Even more important than food?”

“Well I’m not hungry anymore.”

“You are just hungry for something else.” Pinoe gives me a wink.

“You know what Pinoe, yes it’s true, I am hungry for something else; I am hungry for good conversation, laughing at something that is really funny and looking at the most beautiful person in the world. So I will see you tomorrow.” Tobin and Alex start laughing but Tobin gets out in between her laughs.

“Burn.”

I am really excited to talk to Kelley, we haven’t really had any time alone together and I didn’t really think that we were phone sex/skype sex kind of people but after the picture I am willing to try it. When I get to the room I rush to set up my computer, I am struck by the thought that I don’t want anyone to bother us so I put up the ‘do not disturb’ sign. 

“Hey there beautiful.” She gives me a look before saying.

“Is this about the picture?” I sit up a little straighter.

“Uhm well, you are looking really pretty today.” It sounds lame even to me.

“I can’t believe it, you ignore me all day and I send you one picture and all of a sudden you can’t wait to talk to me.”

“Well I was ignoring you because you told me that Ashlyn is a nice person, and then she ruined my good mood, it was your punishment. It’s your fault anyway, you sent me the picture, I can’t stay mad at you when you send something like that.”

“You forced my hand; you know I hate it when you ignore me, promise me you won’t do it again.” She pouts at me and even on the computer screen she looks adorable.  
“Ok I promise I won’t ignore you again, I’m sorry. Why were you looking for my attention anyway?”

“Well, I’m just wondering how you can’t like Ashlyn, she is so cool.” I can’t believe this.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, she is such a nice person, even if she doesn’t look like it.”

“Look I was really nice to her this morning; I even kind of apologized for the way I acted when we first met. Do you know what she said?”

“No?”

“She asked me if I had a phone and when I said yes, she said I should play with it and leave her alone, after I had just apologized for being rude. Does that seem like a nice person to you?” I feel like my logic is sound.

“She did not?”

“Yes she did, you can even ask Barney she was in the car with us.”

“I can’t believe it, maybe it’s because she’s still scared of you?”

“Kelley would you say that to someone you were scared of?”

“Ok yeah point taken. What else did you try?”

“Nothing, her attitude just rubbed me the wrong way and I didn’t try anymore. I think I should talk to Ali about her, try and figure out what is going on.”

“No, don’t do that, Ali really likes her. Maybe she just doesn’t like you because she has tried to talk to you a bunch of times and you usually ignore her.”

“She didn’t.”

“Yes she did, I was there a few times she tried, maybe you can try again tomorrow.”

“Are you really going to make me try again?”

“Yes, she didn’t give up after the first try”

“Ok, so when can I give up?” I was hoping she would say after tomorrow, but I knew she wasn’t.

“You can give up when the two of you have a proper conversation.”

“Argh are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“You are killing me, what do I get in return for this?”

“You get a new friend.”

“I have enough friends; I don’t need anymore.” 

“Mmmmmm, ok, what about a kiss?” She has a playful smile on her face.

“Just one? I don’t think that’s going to be close to enough, not for Ashlyn.”

“Well what about a kiss and some boob action?” She leans a little forward

“I like the part about boob action, but still just one kiss, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop at just one kiss, especially if there is going to be some boob action.”

“Well how about as much kisses as you want and boob action.”

“That sounds better, but am I only allowed to have boob action?” I raise my eyebrow; this is a serious question of course.

“Mmmmmmm, well let’s just say it will all depend on how good you are at kissing.” She smiles at me

“So you are saying yes.” I smile brightly and give a little fist pump.

“No, I’m saying if you give me a few good kisses, you can have more than boob action, but only if you deserve it.”

“Ok but you know that I always work hard. Always.”

“Well it has been a while, so I don’t know any more.”

“True it has been a while.” And I realize we haven’t been together in that way since we got together “Why is that?” I think things are going really well, why I didn’t realize this before I don’t know.

“Because we haven’t had time alone since we started dating again, and we live really far away from each other and I think it was part of the reason I was acting so crazy yesterday.” I did pick up on the word part of the reason.

“Part of the reason? What was the other part?”

“I’m a little bothered by how we left the whole magazine statement thing.”

“It’s still bothering you? Why?”

“Because I want to talk about the fact that you said we would be crazy to have a kid so soon after we started dating again.”

“Ok, what about it?”

“Well it just…it sounds like you kind of changed your mind…about…about having kids……one day.”

“That’s what this is about?” I wish I could just take her into my arms “The truth is that I don’t know; I’m not as opposed to the idea as I was before, but I wouldn’t say that I want kids.” I can see the disappointment on her face “We should definitely talk about this, but I think it will be better if we are in the same room when we do.” I don’t want to hurt her but I can’t help but feel like I would be a terrible parent.

“This is why I didn’t want to say anything yesterday; I agree we should talk about this when we can be in the same room together. I have some time off just before pre-season starts, which is about the same time you get back, do you want to come down to Jersey?” I am hoping that she can make it; I know there is a chance that she wouldn’t be able to make it, but after this I really want to have this conversation.

“Yeah, I can come, I’ll be there. Why did you take so long to tell me about this?” I feel like she has been keeping this in for a while especially if this started a few months ago.  
“I don’t know, we haven’t had time together, and I didn’t want to talk about it with you so far away.” 

“I’m sorry I should have picked up on it sooner, I want you to tell me things like this so we can talk about it. I want us to be completely honest with each other.”

“I’m sorry for waiting so long to talk about it; I should have said something sooner, I just……I wanted us to be together to talk about this I didn’t think it was going to take months for it to happen.”

“It’s okay, but how about from now on we tell each other when something is bothering us as soon as we can.But still in private.”

“I can do that.” This conversation turned pretty serious, and I wanted to make it a little more light hearted, I move closer to the screen

“You know I think you deserve a little reward for trying today with Ashlyn.” She sits up straighter before leaning closer to the screen.

“What do you have in mind?”

“You are alone aren’t you?”

“Yes,” I am getting excited now. She turns her computer, after a few seconds I can hear some music playing, before she appears on the screen.

“Can you see me?”

“Yes.”

She starts dancing; I think it’s cute that she is dancing for me although I don’t really know why it is a reward; that is until she starts taking off her shirt, she is actually stripping for me, I never really thought about it, but this is pretty hot. I’m really disappointed that she isn’t in the room with me, I can’t take my eyes off of her. Soon she is just left in her underwear, granted it’s not fancy lingerie, but I don’t think she was planning this anyway. The music stops playing and she stops dancing.

“No, why did you stop.”

“The music stopped, and this is as far as your reward goes.”

“Really? Why?”

“I want to give you extra incentive to follow through and actually talk to Ashlyn, tell you what if you can make friends with her before the end of the tournament I will do this again, but next time it will be all the way, but I need proof that you are actually friends, or on your way to being friends.”

“Fine, you win, but the kissing and boob action is still on the table right?” she laughs at me

“Yes, it’s still on the table, like I said this is a little extra incentive.”

“I really wish you were here with me, I would love to show you how much I loved you're dancing.” Kelley didn’t have time to respond because the door opens and Ali walks in with Ashlyn, unfortunately I didn’t react fast enough to cover up the screen and they both saw Kelley in her underwear. 

“Did you not see the sign?” Ashlyn is laughing and Ali is looking apologetically at me.

“It must have fallen off or something; there was nothing on the door. I’m so sorry I didn’t know you were here. And forgive her she can be an ass sometimes.” She gives Ashlyn a slight slap and she stops laughing. I turn my attention back to Kelley, now I have to say goodbye.

“I’m sorry; I’ll talk to you again tomorrow?”

“Yes, and remember what we talked about. Love you.” I mumble out an ‘I love you too’ I felt uncomfortable about saying it with Ashlyn in the room.

“Who knew Hope had a heart.” I couldn’t believe she just said that, getting my reward is going to be so much harder than I thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, lemme know what you thought


	37. Here we are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks SwanQueenX

I could barely sleep I was trying to think of things that I could talk to Ashlyn with, the only problem with that is that I didn’t know her, so I don’t know what she likes. That was all I could think about it was running through my head on a loop, by morning the only thing I could come up with is to spend time with her and Ali. Or I would hang out with Ali and then ask her to join us, that way she would be nice to me and maybe we would be able to at least have a conversation. Thankfully Ali was my roommate so all I had to do was start a conversation with her on our way to breakfast, we would sit down at the same table and then Ashlyn would join us, she always sits with Ali. My plan worked pretty well Ali and I sat together, Ashlyn joined us, and so did a few other of our friends, and then everything went downhill from there. Ali and Ashlyn together were kind of annoying because it was like no one else in the room existed. They only talked to each other and only looked at each other, man I hope that Kelley and I aren’t like that. This did mean that I had to revise my plan if I wanted to get to know Ashlyn, Ali couldn’t be around, and making it so much more difficult, but on the positive side it did give me an idea of when to talk to Ashlyn, on our way to the field. The goalkeepers always went to the field together since we start earlier than the rest of the team.

When we were in the car Barney was reading again and Ashlyn was on her phone, I couldn’t think of a single thing to say, especially after yesterday. The ride to the field was quiet; I kind of gave up, thinking that I would ask Kelley about things I could talk to her about, since I had no idea. I was watching Ashlyn like a hawk during practice, because I was struck by the idea that maybe I could use this as my in, give her some pointers on what she can do to improve, show her I can be nice, hopefully it would turn into having more conversations. Her footing is her biggest weakness she either moves them too much or not enough, she also has a confidence problem she seems to doubt her decisions halfway through executing what she wanted to do. I could work with this, hopefully she won’t think I’m trying to put her down, now that I think about it that way, I’m starting to wonder if this really was a good idea.

After taking a shower and heading back to the hotel I go through different ways in which I can start the conversation, by the time we reach the hotel I’m still at a loss, everything sounds like I’m being condescending, which is the opposite of what I want. 

“What’s up with you today?”

“I’m just thinking.”

“You shouldn’t be thinking that hard, we are ready for tomorrow’s match.”

“I’m not thinking about the match.” It made me realise that I haven’t been thinking about the match at all. This is kind of bad I need to focus on the match on less on Ashlyn.

“Since when don’t you think about a match?”

“I’ve been a little distracted, hopefully by tonight it won’t be a problem anymore.”

“What’s going on.”

“I’m trying to be friends with Ashlyn.”

“Why?”

“Because she and Ali are getting serious, and I’m trying to figure out what everyone sees in her, so far I haven’t had any luck. Kelley likes her too.”

“So that means that you have to like her too?”

“No, but it would be nice if we like the same people on the team, so it wouldn’t be weird to hang out with them, and she seems to be everywhere Ali is, so if I want to hang out with Ali I’m most likely going to have to hang out with her. It would be nice if I could stand her, wouldn’t you agree Carli?”

“Point taken; what is your plan of action?”

“I’m thinking of giving some advice, you know try to be nice.”

“But?”

“But I don’t want to come off as condescending, and everything I’ve tried in my head sounds condescending to me.”

“Just start if off casually, and then get to the advice part.”

“How do I start off casually, especially since we aren’t friends?”

“Start with ‘Hey, good job today but I noticed blah blah blah.’ And then you tell her what she can improve on.”

“It’s that easy.”

“You’re the only one making it hard, there is nothing wrong with that.”

“Fine, I’ll try that, after dinner, I just not up for it now.”

“Want to go hang out?”

“Sure, why not.”

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I could barely sleep knowing that in two weeks Hope would be here, I was thinking about everything I could show her, she could meet my team mates. It was still really early but I couldn’t stay in my bed anymore so I go to Caitlin’s room I knock on the door but I don’t hear anything, I knock again still nothing. I decide to just go in, what’s the worst that could happen right? I jump on the bed yelling 

“Caitlin! Wake up!”

Unfortunately it seems that Caitlin wasn’t alone in her bed, I did not anticipate this which made me fall of the bed. When I look up at the bed Caitlin is looking down at me, her hair is sticking up in all directions and her eyes aren’t completely open.

“Kelley, what are you doing?” She asks, her voice a little raspy

“I need to talk to you; I didn’t know you had someone here.” I whisper. She scratches her head and looks over to whoever is in the bed with her.

“It’s no big deal, it’s just Madeleine, it got late last night so she just slept here.”

“Riiight.”

“Kelley not ever girl that plays soccer is gay.” She falls back onto the bed.

“Fine, but I need to talk to you.” She looks over at the clock and groans

“Kelley it’s super early, can you wait till I actually wake up for once.”

“Fine, I’m going to go watch some TV.” I leave the room knowing that she won’t listen to me and then I’ll have to ask her again later so I might as well just wait till she is awake and listening to me. Luckily there are a bunch of cartoons showing on TV now, I can just choose whatever I want to watch but first I need some food, can’t watch cartoons without cereal, lots and lots of cereal.

After a couple of hours Caitlin and Madeleine finally emerge from her room

“Finally, half the day has passed.”

“Stop being dramatic, it’s only 9.”

“Yeah, and I’ve been here for 4 hours already.” Madeleine clears her throat

“Uhm, I’m going to go now, I’ll see you guys at practice.”

“Sure, see you later Mads.”

“Byeeee Madeleine.” Caitlin goes to the kitchen and comes back with coffee and cereal; she sits down and starts eating. At first I was content with just sitting and waiting for her to finish, but I was getting impatient really quickly, the sound of her chewing cereal was just getting on my nerves. 

“Why are you chewing so loudly?”

“I’m chewing normally, why are you so…..agitated?”

“Because I’ve been waiting for you for hours, I need to ask you something.”

“Shoot, what do you want to ask?”

“Well I was talking to Hope last night, and she is coming to visit after the Algarve Cup…”

“So you want me to give some space?”

“No…..well maybe the first night, but I wanted to ask if you would mind if I invited some of the other girls over for a barbeque. You know have a little get together so she can meet everyone.”

“Why would I mind? I’m just not cooking….anything.”

“Fine, Hope and I will make the food. Would you mind helping with groceries.”

“Well I’m eating so I’ll go shopping and help with other stuff, but as I said, I’m not making any food.”

“Great. So are you done?”

“Not really, why?”

“Wanna go kick the ball around.”

“As soon as I’m done.” 

“Hurry up!” I yell as I run to my room to get ready, I can’t wait to get outside and play.

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After dinner we have a meeting about tomorrows match, I knew I told Carli I would talk to Ashlyn tonight but I needed to focus on the match, I would talk to her after the match, when I have a little time to breathe. After the meeting everyone is pretty hyped up for the match, we have a good game plan, we are prepared and best of all we know the team we are playing against very well, it is bound to be a good match. Instead of skyping with Kelley I text her to tell her that I want to concentrate on the match and I would talk to her tomorrow, I just wanted to keep my mind clear and I knew that if I talked to her I wouldn’t be able to do it; especially after the conversation we had yesterday. Carli invited me to go back to her room and watch a movie, but I declined, I wanted to look at flight tickets instead, I told Kelley I would go so I had to change my ticket and get all the information as soon as I can.

When I get to my room Ali and Ashlyn are on the bed, they are watching some kind of show, I’m not sure what. Ali is her friendly self and greets me, while Ashlyn just kind of gave a grunt, Ali tried to discreetly nudge her but I saw it, afterwards Ashlyn said hello, and I reciprocated. I open my computer and start looking at changing my ticket information; I guess I was typing too much because Ali clears her throat

“Uh, is that really important?”

“I’m changing my flight, why?”

“You’re changing your flight? Why?”

“I’m going to visit Kelley, and I think it will just be easier to go from here instead of going home and then going to her.”

“Aaah that’s so sweet, don’t you think it’s sweet Ash?”

“So sweet” she says in a very unenthusiastic tone.

“What’s your problem?” I wanted to be nice, but I’m always excited when Kelley is involved and her reaction for some reason just irked me so much.

“Nothing, I just don’t feel the need to be nice to you anymore.”

“When were you ever nice to me, we have hardly ever spoken.”

“Yeah and whose fault is that, I’ve tried talking to you before and you just shrugged me off, now all of a sudden you want to be my friend, why?”

“Because Ali is a really good friend of mine and I don’t want her to get hurt. And I’ve heard a few things about you, but I also know that Ali isn’t some idiot, and Kelley also thinks you are cool so there has to be something there. Clearly I don’t see it.”

“Yeah clearly; since you read me so well from the beginning!”

“What is that supposed to mean?!”

“Let me jog your memory a little ‘We will never be friends’ do you remember saying that?!” I think back to when I first met Ashlyn and I don’t really remember what I said to her I was so angry at the time. She must see the confusion on my face. “You really don’t remember that?”

“I’m sorry, I was really angry when I met you which is probably why I said that. I didn’t mean it, really.”

“Why should I even believe you, you haven’t given me the time of day since now.”

“I’m not one to make friends okay. It took me years on the team to be friends with not just Carli, and like you saw in the van, I’m pretty bad at it too.”

“Yeah that was pretty pathetic.” Ali jabs Ashlyn in the ribs again.

“Ash, give her a break.”

“Why, she didn’t give me one.”

“I’m trying now.”

“She is trying Ash look at her.”

“So what, we’re just going to be friends now?”

“No, we can just hang out”

“Yeah just hang out.” Ali pipes in.

“What will we talk about?”

“I don’t know; you’re really chatty, what do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know. Do you like surfing?”

“I’ve never surfed before.” She has a mortified look on her face

“O god no, I can’t be friends with someone who hasn’t surfed before.”

“Come on Ash, I hadn’t surfed before we met, and that didn’t seem to bother you.”

“That’s different, you’re hot.” Ali shoves her softly.

“What it’s true.” She smiles at Ali, I know that smile, it makes me miss Kelley

“Urgh please don’t kiss right now.” Ashlyn was starting to lean in; I just didn’t want to see it. I finally understood why Carli always complained when she walked in on us, for some reason it’s weird to see teammates making out. Ali keeps Ashlyn at a distance.

“That really is not getting you in my good books.”

“What, it makes me miss Kelley.” I wasn’t going to say it makes me feel weird to see them kiss, and it’s not completely a lie, thinking about kissing makes me miss Kelley. Ashlyn looks like she is thinking about something.

“Okay, I guess that is a good enough reason.” 

“I think I see what everyone is talking about.” She smiles at me; I guess there is something to her. When I look at Ali she mouths a ‘thank you’, I just smile.

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I’m pretty excited, I can’t believe that I’m going to the airport to go and pick up Hope, it’s still kind of surreal that she is coming. I wait outside in the car, I wanted to go and meet her inside but she said it would be easier if she just met me outside, she did have a point so now I’m sitting in the car waiting. When I see her exiting the airport I can see she is exhausted but she has a big smile on her face I guess she is as excited as I am. I get out of the car and run towards her, I give her a big hug she drops her bags and wraps her arms around me, I inhale her scent and it makes me feel like I’m home. I wonder when that happened, but right now I’m just so happy to be able to hold her.

“Come on let’s get out of here before I get a ticket.” I was about to let go when she held me a little tighter

“Just a few more seconds.” I couldn’t deny her that. After a few seconds she does let go, we put her bags in the back of the car before leaving. 

“Are you really tired?” I can see she is really tired, and I can’t blame her, she just played a tournament and flew across the Atlantic to see me.

“Yeah, it was a long flight, but I just need a nap and I’ll be as good as rain.”

“As good as rain? Where did you hear that?”

“I don’t know; somewhere.”

“Well when we get back to my place you can go take a nap in my room; and I’ll make us some dinner, or do you want to get take out?” She pats my thigh

“Anything will be fine, just as long as there is food I’ll be happy.”

“Ok so we are getting take out, what do you want? Indian? Thai? Chinese?”

“Kelley I really don’t care what we have, what do you want?” I have to think for a little while what do I want, then it hits me

“Burgers.” Hope just laughs at me

“Burgers sound really good.”

I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open, the quiet and movement of the car is making it even harder. Kelley said she lived close by so I didn’t want to fall asleep in the car and then wake up again to go inside the house.

“Can we turn on the radio?” Kelley looks over at me.

“Yeah sure, we are almost there, maybe 15 minutes, depending on traffic.”

“Good I don’t know how much longer I can keep my eyes open, but the radio should help.”

I breathed a sigh of relief when we finally arrived; I went to grab my bags when Kelley stopped me

“Hey now, I’ll get those.” She grabs my bags and leads me inside; when we get inside I can hear someone moving around, I see a head pop out from behind a counter.   
“Hey, you must be Caitlin?”

“Yeah, it’s nice to finally meet you. Now that you are here hopefully Kelley will shut up.”

“Come on, I wasn’t that bad.” I just smiled; it is nice to know she talks about me.

“Hey it’s nice to know you talk about me.” Kelley smiles before she takes my bags somewhere, I’m not sure where.

“Ah man, you guys are that couple. I think I’m going to be sick already. I’m going to go hang out at…..someone else’s place, see you guys tomorrow.”

“You aren’t staying for dinner?”

“Nah, you guys can have today by yourself, besides we have the barbeque tomorrow, I’ll be hanging out with you guys the whole day.” Kelley reappears.

“Don’t come back too late, we have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, don’t worry about it.” She waves before she leaves, Kelley turns to me

“Let’s get you to bed you look like you are about to pass out.” 

“I am really tired.” She takes my hand and leads me to her room, I just take off my shoes before falling down on the bed; I release a big breath. 

“Aaahh this is going to be fun.” I fall asleep almost immediately.

I feel so much better when I wake up; I walk out to find Kelley so we can get some food because now I’m starving. She is lying on the couch reading a surfing magazine, I look at her for a little while, she is concentrating so hard she doesn’t realise I’m there, I have never seen that look on her face before, she has a slight frown on her face and her tongue is kind of sticking out at the side, just barely. When she goes to turn the page she sees me

“Hey, how long have you been awake?”

“I just woke up; you want to order our burgers now I’m starving.” She laughs at me

“I usually say that.” She goes to the kitchen and comes back with a menu “What burger do you want?” she hands me the menu. After flipping through it I decide on the bacon burger, I really shouldn’t eat bacon, but it just looks so good.

“I’m taking the bacon burger, what about you?”

“I always take the bacon burger, great minds think alike.” She makes the call and I sit down on the couch.

“It should be here in 20 minutes.” She sits down on the opposite side of the couch, she starts fidgeting almost immediately. I can see she is thinking about something and she still hasn’t decided what she is going to do about whatever is bothering her. I decide to give her some time, so I turn on the TV

“You don’t mind if I watch some TV do you?”

“Oh, no go for it.” It bothers me that I don’t know how to start the conversation, I was hoping it would be easier since we already sort of started having this conversation, but on the other hand I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know how she feels about having kids, I’m afraid that she still won’t want any. I’m still sure that I do want kids; I thought that I would be able to convince her that she will be a good mother, but what if I can’t, I love her I don’t want to be without her, but I want kids I don’t see a compromise.

“Kelley what’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“You’ve been fidgeting since you sat down, and I can see that you are thinking about something, so tell me what is bothering you?”

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?” I move to take her hand in mine “What’s wrong? Just tell me?”

“I can’t think of a compromise.” She says this barely above a whisper.

“Kelley, you want kids and I don’t…..not right now. I don’t know how I will feel about it next year or the even next month, but right now I don’t want kids.”

“Hope…..what if you never want kids, I can’t see my future without at least one kid in it. How can we stay together if we don’t see the same future?” she has tears in her eyes and she’s looking down at her hands. Seeing her like this makes me realise that I’ll do anything to make her happy, even if I think I’ll be a terrible mother, with Kelley maybe I’ll be a good one. I put my hand under her chin and lift up her head so she is looking at me; a few tears have escaped and are rolling down her cheeks. 

“You are in my future there is nothing I won’t do for you, and if your future has a kid in it then so does mine.” Her eyes go wide

“You mean that?”

“Kelley my life has never been as good as it’s been with you, and no matter how hard I try, you are always on my mind. I love you; I never thought that I would find a love like this. You make me better, since I met you I’ve actually gotten friends who will defend me and stand up with me, who actually make me laugh, and don’t care when I’m a little bitchy. I’ve found a family with you, your dad treats me like he treats you, your mom keeps in contact with me and always wants to know how I’m doing, your sister and brother both annoy and entertain me. If you want to have a child…..with me, I can’t think of a bigger honour than raising a child with you.” Kelley is full out crying right now, I’m assuming they are happy tears because of what I said, but now that I’m done she is just looking at me crying, it’s kind of making me a little uncomfortable “Uhm, are you ok?” She shakes her head and I start to panic, I’m about to ask why when she launches herself at me, I nearly fall of the other end of the couch. She kisses me in a way that she never has before, it’s filled with passion, love and hunger, at first I’m surprised but I respond as soon as I realise what is happening. Just when it starts to get really heated the doorbell rings, both of us are breathing heavily.

“It’s probably the burgers.”

“Yeah.” We just sit there looking at each other until the doorbell rings again and there is a knock on the door

“Ok, we should eat cause I’m starving, so you go get the plates and I’ll go get the burgers.”

“Ok, remember to take your wallet with you.” She gives me a kiss before getting up off the couch. I go to the door and get the burgers; they smell so good it makes my stomach rumble. When I put the bag on the table Kelley immediately opens it and fishes out the fries. She pops one into her mouth before putting the rest on her plate, she then reaches down to get her burger. She sees that I’m just looking at her

“What are you doing? I thought you were hungry?”

“Nothing, I just forgot how much you enjoy your burgers.” She smiles at me and puts my fries on my plate but not before stealing one of my fries. 

“Hey, you have your own.”

“I know.” She shrugs her shoulders while she says this, “But I like knowing that I can take one and you would find it cute.”

“Who says I find it cute?”

She points at me with a fry “Your face tells me you find it cute, now shut up and eat your burger while it’s still hot and delicious.”

For once I was done before Kelley, when I look at her I can see she is taking her time; she loves burgers they are done within seconds, why is she taking her time today? I can tell there is something else that is bothering her I wish she would just spit it out already, I sigh.

“What is bothering you now?”

“Nothing”

“Kelley almost half of your burger is still left and I’m done. You love burgers; you never eat them this slow, so something else is on your mind, what is it?”

“I’m a little nervous.”

“About what?”

“About tonight.” I can barely hear her and her face is turning red

“What about tonight?” She narrows her eyes at me

“Do I really have to say it out loud?”

“Come on Kell, why are you nervous about tonight.”

“Because you came all the way out here to see me, and I guess I’m nervous because it is going to be our first time….again, since we started dating….again, and I guess I’m hoping that it will be a special night.”

I pull her towards me and give her a little peck “Look we don’t have to do anything, if you’re nervous it’s not going to be ‘special’ or smart. We can watch a movie and just cuddle as long as we are together I’m happy. Besides I’m pretty tired and a little sore.”

She squishes my face before giving me a kiss “I love you, I can give you a massage if you want.”

“That would be great.” Now she eats the rest of her burger with gusto, we flick through the channels looking for a movie, we find Home Alone and Kelley is excited to watch it again. I sit on the couch with my one hand on the backrest of the couch and the other one on the arm rest. At first Kelley is resting her head on my shoulder but before long she is lying down with her head in my lap, I absentmindedly run my fingers through her hair. By the end of the movie I had started massaging her scalp, even though it is still kind of early I’m tired and I start to yawn.

“Come on I owe you a massage before you fall asleep.” 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I can just take a shower and go to bed. I know you can’t be tired yet.”

“I’m not, but you are and I want to fall asleep with you holding me.” That simple statement for some stupid reason makes me fall in love with her even more. “Now come on, you look pretty tired.”

“I’m coming I’m coming.”

Once in her room Kelley takes off my shirt, she gives me a smile and a kiss 

“Lie down and I’ll get the massage oil.” My mind is stuck on massage oil.

“You have massage oil?”

“I have been practicing my massages, especially since you have issues with your shoulder; I thought it would be nice if I could sometimes give you a massage to help. And I thought that after the tournament you could be a little sore, so it would come in handy.”

“It will definitely come in handy.” 

I heat up the oil so it’s not too cold and Hope is waiting on the bed she is lying on her stomach with only her pants and sports bra on. Once the oil is hot enough I start on her lower back, I try a few different kinds of pressure trying to find the one that she likes the most. Once I get a groan I know I should keep it just like that after a while and some more groaning I move a little higher, but eventually her sports bra is in the way. 

“Ok take of the bra.” She doesn’t even argue she just removes it and lies back down. I move higher and I can feel the knots in her back, I add some more pressure to those and she groans out her approval

“God Kelley that feels really good.” I hesitate a little, I straddle her back so I can get into an easier position for the massage she almost immediately says “Don’t stop.”   
“I’m just getting into a better position.” She mumbles something incoherently and I just go back to massaging, soon Hope goes back to groaning. When I get to her shoulder I take extra care on her ‘injured’ shoulder. When I’m done I kiss the back of her neck before getting up, I take a wet cloth and I wash off the oil from her back.

“That was amazing, thank you.” I kiss the back of her neck again and then her shoulder before rubbing the tip of my nose from the tip of her shoulder to the crook of her neck and kissing her again. “What are you doing?” she says while turning slightly towards me.

“I missed you.” I say when I lean over this time I kiss her on the lips, she turns more and her arm snakes around my waist. She pulls me closer towards her while she moves into a sitting position. Without breaking the kiss I move to sit on her lap, she moves her hand under my shirt and slowly starts moving it up, we are forced to break the kiss to remove my shirt. Soon the rest of my clothes follow as well as hers, even though we don’t have any clothes on we are still only kissing, I start to lean further into her forcing her to lie on her back. 

Both of us are breathing heavily when we are done, I move so I can place my head on her chest, I can hear her heart racing for some reason it puts a smile on my face, she pulls me closer towards her and kisses me on the top of my head. I pull the sheets up before snuggling into Hope I was exhausted but really happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to get this chapter up, and the next one might take some time too. But I hope you enjoyed the chapter and lemme know what you thought.


	38. The barbeque

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to SwanQueenx for getting through this so quickly.

When I wake up I want to stretch Kelley is almost completely on top of me, making it impossible to do so. Her hair is splayed across her face and partly on my abdomen, I move my hand and sweep some of the hair away from her face, I’ve missed seeing her like this. Happy, relaxed, and completely still…..well at least for a little while, because just as I thought that she moved her head and let out a sigh. I knew that meant she was starting to wake up, she started moving more and more until she opened her eyes.

“Stop staring at me.” She rolls off me and takes some of the sheets with her; it lets in a cold breeze, making me shiver. I roll towards her and pull her towards me 

“Nooooo, you’re letting the heat out.”

“It’s your fault for moving the sheets.”

“I can’t sleep with you staring at me.”

“You’re not supposed to go back to sleep.” I snuggle into her back, it’s nice and warm

“Mmmm really, why is that?” She turns around and it forces me stop snuggling into her back and lean on my elbow. 

“Because there is a barbeque tonight that we have to get ready for.” I move to get up but she pulls me down towards her. Our faces are only inches apart when she says

“We have the whole day to get ready.” I lean down a little, I can feel her breath against my skin, and she closes her eyes in anticipation of a kiss, instead I lean down and kiss her cheek 

“We have to get ready, it’s already ten o’clock.” I get out from under the covers I pull on my shorts and reach for my sports bra when Kelley wraps her arms around me. “Kelley come on, we still have to make the food, Caitlin’s probably going to be here soon and I haven’t taken a shower yet.”

“I can take a shower with you, I’m ready to go.” 

“Can I just put on my bra?”

“Why? We’re going to take a shower.”

“Because I don’t want anyone to see me naked, and no you can’t take a shower with me because I actually have to take a shower, I feel gross.” I almost reach the door before I realise that I don’t have a towel with me. When I turn around Kelley is pouting at me, she knows I can’t say no to her when she looks at me like that, I grab a towel from my suitcase and just before I open the door I turn back around.

“Fine, you can take a shower with me, but a quick one.” She smiles before jumping on me

“Urg, you’re heavy.” She climbs off me before slapping me on my stomach.

“Ow, but I still love you.” I open the door and she jumps on my back. “Where is the bathroom?” I walk out of the room and from the corner of my eye I see some movement, I turn towards it but there is nothing there, probably just my imagination.

“The bathroom is opposite the living room.”

“So basically head towards the kitchen?”

“Yes.” She lazily crosses her hands around my neck, before she plants a few kisses behind my ear, it kind of makes my knees go weak, making it really hard to carry her on my back, I drop her when I round the corner to the kitchen and there are people in it, I immediately shield Kelley until I see Caitlin drinking some coffee. Now I just feel exposed in my shorts and sports bra.

“Oh hey guys, I thought it was only Caitlin that was going to help us?”

“Well Kelley we figured that you would not be able to concentrate…” I hear someone whisper “I totally get why.” “But we would like to have food tonight so we decided we should take matters into our own hands.”

I feel completely out of the loop I don’t really know any of these girls, and I’m standing there almost naked. 

“I’m not that bad.”

“Kelley, its ten thirty already and you are on your way to take a shower, by the time you finish it’ll be eleven if not later and I know you haven’t gone grocery shopping yet. All of us have gone shopping with you it’s not going to be a quick trip, taking all of that into account you’ll be lucky to have anything ready by the time the rest of the team shows up.”

“You haven’t gone shopping yet, what about everything I asked you to get?” Kelley just shrugs her shoulders at me

“I thought it would be fun if we went shopping together, and I couldn’t find the list of things you wanted me to get.”

“It’s a good thing your roommate knows you so well, we would never be able to pull this off without them. How many more are coming?”

“Everyone on the team plus some people on the staff.”

“Ok, we need to figure out who is going to go shopping who will help with the cleaning as well as who is going to help with the cooking.”

“What about our shower?” she pouts at me but she is right I do need to take a shower, I still feel really gross, but I also don’t want to take a shower with Kelley when there are people around.

“Let’s take one thing at a time…”

“How about the five of us go shopping, that way the two of you can take your shower…s, and when we get back we work on the other stuff.” Kelley perks up.

“Good idea Caitlin!” she looks at me with a triumphant smile “See everything will work out, you worry too much.” She jumps back onto my back “So you guys can go and we’ll see you later.”

“Geez Kelley keep it in your pants till we leave.” She kisses the side of my mouth

“Then leave….quickly.” She leans down and whispers in my ear “Now we can have some fun.” My mouth suddenly goes dry; I can also feel my face burning. I see Caitlin snickering while she walks out I really hope she didn’t hear what Kelley said. “Let’s go, we don’t have all day.” She starts nibbling on my ear; it makes it hard for me to walk.

“Uhm, could you……stop that……please.” I can feel her smile

“Why?” She acts as if it is an innocent question, but she knows it’s my weak spot. I hit back the only way I know how.

“If you want me to get to the shower, you’re going to have to stop that.” She bites my ear softly before she says

“Who says I want you to get to the shower.” Her hands have started roaming, and she is giving me feather light kisses on my neck and the side of my face, I feel like running to the bathroom, I can see it from where we are, but I don’t know if my legs will be able to hold us both up with the way she is kissing and touching me.  
As soon as we are in the bathroom I let my hand fall to my side, effectively causing Kelley to get off my back, I turn around swiftly and I kiss her fiercely. She has gotten me all worked up, my hand goes to cup her face while I push her backwards, I close the door and push her against it. Her hands are running up and down my back. I start to kiss down her neck and she arches towards me, her hands move down my back to my shorts and she slips them inside, she squeezes lightly and I move from her neck to her breasts. She still has her bra on but I tease her nipples through the fabric, when I bite lightly she arches more towards me, while her hands leave my body and presses against the door pushing her even more towards me. As soon as my mouth leaves her body she groans in displeasure

“What are you doing?” she asks while breathing heavily

“Taking off your clothes.” She raises her hands above her head and I remove her bra, I re-attach my mouth to her nipple while my hands move slowly down to her shorts, I pull the top of her shorts towards me, causing her pelvis to move forward as well. Her hands are in my hair and she is breathing heavily. I move back to her mouth pulling her towards me while backing up towards the shower, when I hit the side of the tub I move one hand back, trying to turn the shower on. I start to get frustrated when I can’t find the shower handle and I reluctantly break the kiss to look for the handle. With my head turned Kelley kisses my neck, she moves to the crook between my neck and shoulder, I turn back to look at her and she says 

“Your turn.” I wordlessly raise my hands above my head and Kelley removes my bra, she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me. I get lost in the kiss, until I feel Kelley remove one hand, a few drops of water hits my back making my entire body break out in goose bumps; I realise Kelley was reaching out to feel the temperature of the water. She lightly scratches down my stomach to the top of my shorts, she slips her finger just inside my shorts and runs it from side to side, she kisses down my neck, between my breasts, above and below my navel she then kisses right at the top of my shorts before pulling them down. She stands up and kisses me again, this time I move from her lips down to her shorts before pulling them down. I step into the shower and she follows 

“I really do need a shower.” She kisses me before answering

“I know.” She grabs some shampoo and squirts it into her hand “Get your hair wet, shampoo doesn’t really work well on dry hair.” I take a step back and stand under the spray of the water, before stepping forwards again and pushing my hair that was pushed forwards by the water, back out of my face. Kelley steps towards me and starts washing my hair; the movement of her fingers against my scalp is very soothing and I close my eyes. After she finishes with my hair she washes the rest of my body

“Now that you’re all squeaky clean, we can back to what we were doing.” I pull her towards me and kiss her, both of us are wet and the feeling of wet skin against wet skin is strangely erotic. We both move our hands towards each other’s centres, she has a sharp intake when I enter her, and I slowly move in and out. My movements are temporarily stopped when she enters me, I kiss her neck while quickening my movements, and she mirrors my movement. Our heart rate and breathing increases, I feel the familiar tug as my muscles start to quiver; I rest my head on Kelley’s shoulder trying to focus on what I’m doing, I feel Kelley start to contract and she bites down on the crook between my neck and shoulder, I keep going and soon we both come undone. I’m not sure how we managed to keep upright, I’m just glad we did. I rest my forehead against Kelley’s, we are both breathing heavily, I open my eyes and I see Kelley has a faint smile on her face, it brings a smile to mine. Soon we are both breathing normally but now I feel a little sweaty, I wrap my arms around Kelley’s waist and pull her with me under the spray of the water. We just stand under the water for a while, before Kelley turns off the water.

“We should get ready before everyone comes back.”

“Mmmmmmmmm” Kelley just smiles at me

“That good?”

“Always.”

When we get out of the shower I realise that I left the towel in the kitchen, there are no other towels in the bathroom.

“Why don’t you have extra towels in the bathroom?”

“There isn’t any space.” When I actually take a look around she is right, the bathroom is really small

“Ok so who is going to go get the towel from the kitchen?”

“Why don’t we both go?”

“Because your teammates may be out there waiting, I don’t want them to see me naked. You should go they’ve seen you naked before.”

“Hey, that’s not fair; we should play rock, paper, scissors to see who has to go outside.”

“Urgh, fine.” I don’t think Kelley knows this but she always picks rock first, so I kind of knew that I would not be going outside. As I expected Kelley picks rock and I win.

Before stepping completely out of the bathroom, I first look around and listen; I don’t hear or see anything so I assume that we are still alone in the house. I run towards the kitchen and grab the towel from the counter before running back to the bathroom. I dry off Hope and I see the bite mark I left on her, I feel bad it looks like it hurts.

“Does that hurt?”

“Does what hurt?” I point at the bite mark

“That.” She looks at what I’m pointing

“Oh wow, I don’t even feel it.” 

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” Once Hope is dry I realise that I only brought one towel and there is no way I’m risking going out again so I dry myself with the same one. We put on the same shorts and sports bras before going out to the kitchen; I’m starving.

“I hope there is some food, I’m starving.”

“What do you mean you hope there is food?”

“Well I didn’t go grocery shopping, you know that.”

“God, how do you even survive by yourself?” Hope shakes her head

“It’s not always like this, I was distracted, and really, really excited.” She kisses me on the top of my head

“I forgive you.” When we reach the kitchen I’m relieved to see that Caitlin and the other girls are back.

“Tell me you have food”

“Duh, what else do you get at the grocery store.” I rummage through the bags getting some food; I toss an apple at Hope.

“This should hold you over till I finish breakfast.” 

“Thanks.”

I’m about to bite into the apple when one of the girls asks 

“So you just finished your shower huh.” 

“Uhm,” I rub the back of my neck “Yeah.” I guess it wasn’t the best idea to rub at my neck because one of the other girls saw the red bite mark.

“What is that?” She points at my neck.

“Nothing, I’m going to go put a shirt on. Kelley you want one too?”

“Yeah thanks.” I walk quickly out of the kitchen, and go to Kelley’s room. I really don’t want to talk about my bite mark, not right now and not with a bunch of girls that I don’t really know. I feel better when I have a shirt on. I rummage through Kelley’s closet to find her a shirt, her closet is extremely disorganised. I pick the first one I see that isn’t too wrinkled and that looks like it’s clean. I can hear laughter coming from the kitchen; I take a look in the mirror to make sure that the shirt covers the bite mark, before I go back out again.

“What’s so funny?” They were still giggling when I walk back in

“Kelley here was kind enough to be herself; she nearly threw a half cooked pancake on herself when she tried to flip it without using a spatula. She is definitely not a cook, even if she thinks she is.” I laugh too, I can only imagine what it looked like but since it was Kelley I’m sure it looked hilarious. When I see her add chocolate chips I know she is making my favourite.

“Are those chocolate chip pancakes.” I don’t have to see her face to know she is smiling

“Yeees.” I feel like kissing her, I’m starving and I have no idea what I did with the apple she gave me, but I feel a little self-conscious so I just hug her from behind, and whisper in her ear 

“I love you.” But it doesn’t seem like Kelley realises that I’m still not very comfortable in front of her teammates so replies loud and clear

“Love you too.” I’m sure my face is as red as a tomato

“O god please don’t tell me we are going to have to listen to that all day.”

Kelley turns to look at who said that “Don’t worry Madeleine, Hope is completely mortified right now so she won’t dare say it again, at least not until you guys are gone.” I kind of wish the earth would swallow me whole right now, but on the other hand I’m surprised that she knows what I’m thinking since that was the exact thought that was going through my head.

“Ok so how about we finish brunch and then get down to business; we only have a few hours left before this place needs to be clean and there has to be food for thirteen people.” I’m thankful that Caitlin has changed the subject, but she is right as well we need to start getting ready for later. 

I’ve finished four pancakes enough for one person, I see Brittany reach for them, I slap at her hand with the spatula

“Those are for Hope”

“Geez she hasn’t even been here a day and already she gets treated better than me.”

“First she’s my girlfriend, and second I know she is starving, while I know you have already eaten something today, so she gets the first batch.”

“Fine, but only since I want to be hospitable to our guest.” She gives a little bow before she adds “I’m getting the next batch.” 

“Wrong again, I’m getting the next batch and then you can make your own.”

“Seriously, you suck Kelley.”

“I’m starving, and you always brag about your cooking skills, I remember you boasting about being able to flip a pancake without a spatula. I would like to see that, I’m sure everyone else would too.” I like seeing Kelley like this; she seems to be at ease with all of her teammates, here and with the national team, sometimes I envy Kelley’s ability to make friends with anyone anywhere.

I wait for Kelley to finish her batch as well before I start eating; I wanted to eat with her. When I take my first bite it’s delicious, they taste completely different to the last time she made me pancakes

“Is this a new recipe?”

“Yeah! I can’t believe you noticed; do you like it?”

“Not that the other ones you made were bad, but these are way better, you should stick with this recipe.” She kisses my cheek and I feel my face turn red again.

“What was that for?” She just shrugs her shoulders

“Just because”

“You two make me miss my own girlfriend.”

“You two make me glad my husband is here with me.” Everyone gives Katy a look, she is one of the few girls on the team that is married and doesn’t have to do the long distance thing.

“Yeah Katy, rub it in why don’t you.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s true.” I am enjoying just sitting there eating my pancakes with Hope next to me and thinking how normal this all feels, and wishing it would last more than just a week. After cutting up all my pancakes I put my hand on Hope’s thigh, and I use my other hand to eat; after a while Hope places her hand on mine, she has a small smile on her face while she looks at the scene in front of her. My teammates haven’t stopped arguing since I sat down; I’m just too consumed by the fact that Hope is actually in my house sitting next to me, eating breakfast with me, that she is going to be here tonight and when I wake up tomorrow; that I’m not paying attention to them at all.

After everyone finished their pancakes it was time to get down to business, I had to admit that it was pretty hot to see Hope giving instructions and everyone just went and did what was asked. The only thing I didn’t like was that I was relegated to cleaning the grill outside while Hope was inside making some of the food; it seems that everyone thinks I’ll make a big mess if I help in the kitchen, I don’t really understand why, I made the pancakes without a major incident, there was just some flour on the floor and a little bit of pancake mixture on the side of the wall. I wouldn’t call that messy but it seems I’m the only one, so now I’m outside scrubbing down the barbeque, and cleaning the back yard, there were a few cups on the lawn and some bottles on the table, I’m pretty pleased with myself when I go back inside

“Why do you look so happy?”

“I’m just impressed with myself, I even cleaned the chairs.”

“So? That’s part of the outside area that we will be using; which you were tasked with cleaning. Were you not going to clean the chairs?”

“Maybe, I didn’t think they counted. But they were dirty and I thought it would be nice if I cleaned them.”

“So basically you came in here all happy to receive praise for cleaning the chairs you were supposed to clean anyway?” When Caitlin phrased it like that it made me feel a little stupid.

“I guess.” I stopped working on the chicken wings when I saw Kelley coming in all excited, it made me a little sad when that excitement left her and her shoulders drooped. 

“Do you want to help me with the wings?” She perks up a little

“Of course” she bounds over like an excited little kid who gets to help in the kitchen. 

“So what do you want me to do?”

“Can you chop up some more onions please?”

“Aw man, do you want me to cry?”

“No, but I do need some more onions to add to the mixture.”

“Have you ever made these wings for me?”

“No.....it’s a new recipe.” That wasn’t the complete truth, I use to make this with my mom all the time, it was the one happy memory that I have as a child, cooking with my mom in the kitchen when my dad wasn’t around. Everything was always much calmer when my dad wasn’t around, this was the first time I’ve made it in years. Kelley gives me this look, like she knows there is something I’m not telling her, but she shakes her head and says

“Cool, looks like it is going to taste amazing.” She starts chopping the onions and I continue working on the peppers and tomatoes, I hear Kelley give a little yelp, when I turn around she is holding her finger.

“Come here, put it under the water, do you have some kind of antibiotic we can apply?”

“Yeah, I’ll go get it, hang on a sec.”

“Don’t worry guys, it’s not serious.” I can see she is nervous I know she is trying to hide something. I pull her towards me 

“Open you hand Kelley, let me see.”

“It’s nothing really.” When I look at her hand closely I can see some blood in between her fingers.

“Kelley it’s bleeding a lot, open your hand let me see.” When she opens her hand I understand why she was trying to keep it from everyone I actually think she sliced a piece of her finger off.

“Kelley!! I grab a towel and put pressure on the cut. I think you actually sliced off a piece of your finger, you are definitely going to need stitches.”

“You think?”

“Yes I think; we need to get you to a doctor, come on let’s go.” I don’t know where the doctor or hospital is but I know we have to go, Kelley definitely needs stitches. 

“Where are the car keys?” Katy tosses me some keys

“Here, do you know where you’re going?”

“No, but Kelley can give me directions.” I open the door for Kelley and once we are both inside I buckle us both in before driving. Once we get to the hospital, we have to wait in the emergency room by some miracle it isn’t very busy and we are in to see the doctor after only a few minutes. When the doctor unwraps the towel Kelley flinches a little

“That is a deep cut; it definitely looks like you are going to need some stitches.” He puts the towel back on “I’m going to get a nurse to clean the cut and then well numb the area before I stitch you up. Does that sound good?”

Kelley just shakes her head; I reach out and hold her uninjured hand, I know she isn’t the biggest fan of needles. When the nurse cleans the cut she squeezes my hand a few times, and when the doctor comes back she keeps squeezing my hand till all the stitches are in, luckily she only needed three. He bandaged her hand to keep it clean and we were free to leave. When we get back to the house we have an hour before the barbeque.

“Wow guys, the place looks good.” I can smell the food as well “And the food smells amazing.”

“How’s the finger, did you get stitches?”

“Yeah” I hold up my hand and they all see the bandage

“You really are a mess in the kitchen.”

“Hey hey, anyone can accidentally cut their finger, like any of you haven’t cut your finger before.” I didn’t need Hope to stand up for me, but it was nice to know she cared. I knew Brittany was only kidding but Hope doesn’t know her well enough to know she was only joking. I put my hand on Hope’s arm to reassure her

“You know I only cut myself so I don’t have to help with the cleaning and the cooking right.”

“Only you would think that is a good idea.”

“It worked didn’t it?”

“Yeah, yeah, and now you won’t have to do anything else to help either”

“And there is nothing you can do about it.” I smile triumphantly 

“I’m going to finish the wings.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“Just....don’t touch anything. I don’t want you getting hurt again.”

“I just want to be in the heart of the action.”

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough action for one day?” She gives me this smile and says

“I definitely haven’t, have you?”

“Kelley gross, I didn’t want to hear that.”

“If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.”

“I’m going to go watch some TV.” Caitlin walks out of the kitchen, and after a few seconds I can hear the TV.

“You’re lucky all the food is done or you would have had to help.”

“All the food isn’t done yet, you still have to finish your wings.”

“Mmmmmm, why don’t you go watch TV it’s not like this is very exciting.”

“I want to spend time with you, I can hang out with Caitlin and the girls whenever I want, I can’t do that with you.”

“Why did you invite everyone over if you wanted to spend time with me?”

“I wanted everyone to meet you; I want them to see who you are and not what they’ve heard.”

“And what have they heard?”

“That you are amazing and wonderful.” I smile

“Then why do they have to meet me if they’ve heard such nice things.”

“So they can see it’s true of course.” We are the only ones in the kitchen; I lean back and give her a quick kiss.

“Thank you; now help me figure out the oven so we can get these wings in there. They take a while to cook.” Kelley had no idea what she was doing, it was clear she had never used the oven before, but we eventually figured it out and the wings were cooking. We had a little time left before any of the others showed up so we sat outside with the rest of the girls and we just had a nice conversation. They asked me about the Algarve cup, and we started talking about the upcoming season and what we wanted from it when the doorbell rang.

“It’s show time!” Kelley ran to the door and soon there were a bunch of people in and around the house. I went to check on the wings, I turned them over and put it back in the oven. I feel an arm around my shoulder and when I turn my head Caitlin is staring at the oven

“That smells really good, looks good too. Are you sure this is the first time making this.”

“I never said it was the first time I’m making it, I just said it’s a new recipe.”

“Cool, you want something to drink?”

“Just some water thanks.”

“Just water, no beer or wine?”

“Just water thanks.” She opens the fridge and tosses me a bottle of water

“See you out there.” I turn my attention back to the wings, I like the girls, I do, but I feel like there are too many people and I just want a little bit of quiet. This time arms snake around my waist, and I feel Kelley rest her head against my back

“You ok?”

“Yeah, just making sure these don’t burn, I want them to be perfect.” She gives me a little squeeze before letting go.

“The girls won’t mind if they burn just a little; come and sit outside with me.”

“I don’t want them to burn; they’ve always come out perfect.”

“You’ve made these before.”

“Yes” I want Kelley to taste the wings and tell me that she loves them and that they are as good as I remembered. I want everyone to like them, making these wings is the only good memory I have of my childhood.

“So you won’t burn them, come outside with me.” I was reluctant but relented anyway, when I sit down Kelley sits down on my lap, and I wrap my arms around her waist, I would prefer some quiet but with Kelley here it’s not so bad. We talk about a bunch of different things and I am having fun. When we put some meat on the barbeque I realise that the wings are still in the oven, I go to the kitchen and I can smell that if all of them aren’t burnt then at least some of them are.

“Dammit!!” I quickly open the oven door and pull out the baking pan; I set it down on the counter and fan over it a little, my heart sink when I see how bad it is, there is no way anyone is going to want to eat this. 

“Man; what’s that smell?” Brittany asks as she goes to the fridge.

“We won’t be having any wings today.” 

“Seriously” she walks over “O yeah that looks bad” she smiles at me “I thought you were good at cooking, what the hell happened?”

I just shake my head “I got distracted I guess.” I felt really bad about it and I guess it showed 

“Don’t worry about it; we have a bunch of other food.” I just shake my head it’s true, but I still wished that Kelley could have tasted it. We go back outside but I still feel bad, Kelley picks up on it immediately

“What’s wrong?” 

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” I wanted to tell her but not in front of everyone, even to me it seems like such a frivolous thing to be upset about. Brittany fills them in on the burnt wings and everyone seems fine with it, but somehow Kelley can tell that there is more to the story.

“It’s ok baby, you can try and make it another time ok?”

“Yeah, ok” she kisses me on the cheek knowing that it would make me feel uncomfortable if she kissed me on the lips. It makes me feel better; I think I would prefer it if Kelley was the only one who tasted it anyway. The rest of the night was fun and light hearted I had a lot of fun even thought I was still a little tired and after everyone leaves I’m happy to get into bed. Kelley crawls up next to me and puts her head on my chest, and runs her hand in circles on my stomach. I wrap my one arm around her shoulder.

“Are you going to tell me the story behind the wings?” 

“How do you know there is a story behind the wings?”

“The look in your eyes, it’s like you went somewhere else. If you don’t want to tell me it’s ok.” She moves closer to me and puts her one leg over mine. I rub up and down her arm I don’t intend on keeping it from her.

“I used to make it with my mom.” I wait to see if she is going to say anything but she just keeps on rubbing circles on my stomach “It’s the one thing I remember doing with my mom where there was no fighting or screaming. We always made it when my father wasn’t there, when I think back on my childhood it’s the few times I can remember where I was laughing, and acting like a normal kid. I don’t know what made me think of it, I haven’t made it, or even thought of it in years. I guess I just wanted to share a good memory with you. Instead I burned it and you didn’t even get a chance to taste it.”

She places a kiss just below my collar bone “I’m sorry it got burnt.”

“It’s not your fault; I think it was for the best anyway. I just want to share it with you....before sharing it with anyone else.”

“Well I can’t wait to make it with you next time.....you could maybe tell me more about your mom if you want to.” She tenses up when I mention her mom and I can hear her heart pick up pace, I kiss her again “I don’t care if you tell me or not, we could also talk about my complete lack of co-ordination off the soccer field, I mean seriously how many drinks did I drop tonight, not to mention cutting my finger.”

I had completely forgotten about her finger “How does your finger feel by the way?” I don’t want to talk about my mom; she wasn’t a bad person, not like my father. But she had her own issues and on few occasions she made life good, bearable; but mostly she was just too concerned about herself and her wellbeing that she wasn’t willing to leave my father. 

“It’s fine, just a little sore.” I can tell she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore; she kissed the top of my head and pulls me slightly closer. I let it go for now, I know there is no point in pushing her; she’ll tell me when she feels ready. I sometimes just wish she would tell me everything, like right now, and other times I didn’t want to know, I don’t know if I would be able to handle hearing how she was hurt when she was younger. In the silence I feel her start to relax again  
“I love you” that is all I think she needs to hear right now.

I pull her a little closer and close my eyes “Love you too.” And in that moment I am acutely aware of how true that statement is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, lemme know what you thought. The next chapter may take a little while sorry.


	39. She knew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to SwanQueenx for being such a good beta. I'm going to add a trigger warning for this chapter, I added x's and the word trigger for those who don't want to read it.

It’s hard to breathe and I don’t know why, I don’t even know where I am, I look around but there is nothing, all I hear is the sound of someone crying. I try to find out where it is coming from, but it sounds like it is coming from everywhere.

“Where are you?!” I yell as loud as I can, but the crying doesn’t stop, but it’s not coming from everywhere anymore. I walk slowly in the direction I think it is coming from, the room seems to be getting lighter and lighter, and I can start to see shapes. Suddenly there is a blinding white light I close my eyes, and when I open them again, I feel like I was just punched in the gut. I never wanted to come back here, why am I back here? How did I get here? All of these questions are swirling in my head, then I hear the crying again, but this time it sounds familiar. I don’t want to move from my spot but I have no control over my body, my hand reaches out and opens the door. It is dark but I can still see, the house is small just like I remember it, I walk to my old room, even though everything in my body is screaming for me not to go there, not to open the door, my hand still reaches out and opens my old bedroom door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXTRIGGERXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As soon as the door is opened the crying becomes louder, I step inside even though I feel like running, I remember this day, this was the first time. I don’t know why I was crying to begin with, I was expecting my mom to tell me to be quiet or my brother to yell at me, my father never did or said anything to me, until this day. I stand there looking at my seven year old self crying and I don’t know what to do, I am frozen in terror, for what happened and what is about to happen, I hear the door open behind me and I can smell my father, the smell of alcohol and smoke always clung to him. I can see the confusion in my eyes, and it enrages me I turn around and try to stop my father, I run at him and try to push him out put I go right through, and as I go through him, I am hit by the smell of alcohol and smoke. It feels like it is choking me and I start coughing, I can’t breathe, I fall to me knees coughing trying desperately to take a breath. I look back to the bed and my father is on top of me, I try to get up to help but I can’t breathe, my vision starts to get blurry. 

And just as suddenly, it’s gone. I’m on the floor looking up at the ceiling, I quickly turn to the bed, and my heart falls, I can see the fear on my face, my cheeks stained with tears, and my father is casually getting up and putting on his shirt. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXtTRIGGERXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I am filled with rage again, how could he do that to me, I get up again and he walks right through me, he opens the door and standing right outside the door is my mother. She takes a step back and he just keeps walking like nothing even happened, I look back, this was the day I lost the little girl, this was the day that made me become…me. I feel like I can’t breathe anymore I start walking and somehow I find myself in front of the bathroom mirror, the person looking back at me looks like me, but doesn’t at the same time. I reach up to touch my face, who is this person looking back at me? I look at the window and in the blink of an eye the whole day has gone by. I hear movement in the house, I walk to the kitchen, I’m in there with my mom and I can smell her chicken wings. And it hits me the first time we made those chicken wings was the day after it started, how did I forget that? How do you forget something like that? I feel like I’m going to be sick, I run back to the bathroom, I start heaving, and just like that the feeling is gone. I look back in the mirror, it looks like me again, I splash some water on my face.

Next thing I know I’m sitting up in bed, my heart is racing it feels like I ran a marathon, I turn to my left, Kelley is still asleep but she is moving a little. I take deep breaths to calm myself down; I keep telling myself it was just a dream, it was just a dream. My heart is still racing and I can’t get myself to calm down. I feel like I’m going to be sick, get it together it was just a dream, it wasn’t real, even though I keep telling myself that I knew it was, I knew it happened, my mom knew the whole time it happened and she didn’t do anything to stop it instead she taught me how to make damn chicken wings. I slammed my hands down on the bed in anger, Kelley’s head popped up.

“Uh!? What happened? What’s going on?” I wasn’t planning on waking Kelley up, now I’m panicking I don’t know what to do, I can barely register what I just remembered myself, that realisation shakes me to the core, I feel sick again, I run to the bathroom and I just make it in time.My head is still resting on the side of the toilet when I feel a hand on my lower back

“Baby, are you ok?” I can’t talk right now, so I just shake my head

“Do you think it was something you ate?” I just shake my head ‘no’ again, I still feel a little sick, but I know I’m not going to be sick again, now I just feel sad.

“I just want to go back to bed.” I just wanted to be close to Kelley, I just needed to feel safe for a little while. When I look up at her she reacts in shock.

“Oh my god Hope, are you sick?” She reaches out and touches my forehead, “You don’t feel warm. How are you feeling? Do I need to take you to a doctor?”

“Kelley…please, I just want to go back to bed.” I feel exhausted.

“What’s going on, did something happen?” she starts rubbing my arm, it’s supposed to be soothing but all it’s doing is making me feel like crying, I try so hard to keep it in but I can’t. At first it starts off slowly but soon I’m shaking 

“Hope? What’s going on? Talk to me.” I want to talk to her; I want to tell her everything, but right now I can’t think straight I can’t string the words together to make a sentence.

“How about we go back to my room?” I just shake my head. She takes me hand and leads me back to her room. I sit down on the bed and she sits next to me, I lean my head on her shoulder and close my eyes. I take a few deep shuddering breaths before sitting up again, Kelley holds my hand. I don’t even really know where to begin.

“I had a dream….but it wasn’t really a dream….it was a memory…..something I forgot, something I didn’t want to remember. I…I don’t know why this is coming up now, it never has.” I don’t know how to tell her about what happened, it’s one thing to lead someone to the truth without actually telling them what happened, but now I don’t think there is a way to tell her without giving some details. I’ve never told anyone this, I take a deep breath “I was back in my old room…I was crying, I can’t remember why, my father came into the room...I tried to stop him, I did, but I started choking…..he smelled….I remember the smell….it was….it was choking me and I couldn’t breathe I couldn’t do anything. Next thing I see is my dad putting his shirt back on and when he leaves the room…I…my.” I take another deep breath “My…my mom was…there…outside the door. Then I don’t know I was in the bathroom and when I looked in the mirror it was me and it wasn’t me and the day was over just like that, I could see the day pass in the blink of an eye. The next day we made her wings…like nothing even happened. She knew and all she did was make chicken wings with me, what kind of mother does that, why didn’t she do anything?”

Kelley pulls me into a hug “I’m sorry that happened to you, I wish I could have protected you.” She just holds me, my hands hang at my sides, I have more to tell her and if I hug her back I won’t be able to tell her.

“I never knew she was there…or I guess I knew…but I didn’t want to. I don’t know…when we made…” I sigh “When we made the wings together, I don’t know if it happened afterwards…like in the dream, or memory or whatever it was. I don’t know…if that part is true as well.” I slowly raise my hands and hug her back, to be honest I’m scared to look her in the eyes, I didn’t tell her that much but I’ve told her more than I’ve ever told anyone. I’m scared that she won’t look at me the same anymore, I’m scared that now that she actually knows more, about my family and me, that she won’t want to deal with it, I’m scared that she won’t want to try. I’m scared that I’m going to lose her now.  
I don’t know what to do or say, I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before; I’m scared that I’m going to say the wrong thing and ruin everything. And I’m angry that she had to go through what she did, “I love you just tell me what you need from me.”

“This doesn’t change anything for you?”

“It changes everything, it makes me realise how much more amazing you really are, and how lucky I am that you love me.”

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that.” I put my head on her shoulder, “I never thought I would tell anyone, I never felt like anyone cared enough, that they would listen and…stay.”

“You’re always going to be safe with me.” I keep hugging her, I don’t want to let go. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” It sounds stupid, I know you can’t just take that kind of pain away, but I just want to be able to do something, anything to help her.

“Just...stay with me, like this.”

I kiss the side of her head “Okay” I don’t know how long we sit there but I would sit there all night if she needed me to.

“Can you lie down with me please?” I was feeling exhausted and I just wanted to lie down.

“Sure, you want to get under the covers?” She just nods her head ‘yes’. I move the covers to one side and lie down; she lies down next to me, she puts her head on my chest, and the rest of her body curls into mine, I put my arms around her. This is the first time that she has ever clung to me like this, like she won’t survive without me. It breaks my heart when I feel her shake; the dampness on my shirt feels like it is leaving a permanent scar on my skin, a physical wound that will take a long time to heal. If seeing her like this hurts me so much, I can’t even imagine what she is going through, so how do I help her? I don’t know how to help; what do I do when we get up, do I ask her about it? Should I even bring it up? Or should I let her bring it up? What if she doesn’t? What if she does? Hope starts to shake more and I try to calm her down, I rub her shoulder and kiss her forehead

“Shhh, I’m here, it’s going to be ok.”

“She knew Kelley, she always knew. She wasn’t a good mom, she barely knew how to take care of herself let alone a family, but how could she just let him do that to me, to her daughter. Why did she let him?” I didn’t have an answer for her; I don’t think there is a right answer to this question.

“I don’t know; I wish I did so I could tell you.”

“I took care of her when she was sick; I was there when she died because she didn’t want to be alone. I did that because in spite of everything she was my mom…and I loved her. I hated her but I loved her, now I just…I feel like it was all…I feel like she just used me…she couldn’t protect me, but she wanted me to protect her. I was the kid she was supposed to protect me!”

“Yes she was supposed to protect you and I don’t know why she didn’t, and I don’t know if I can protect you, but I will try everything in my power to protect you, to make you feel safe, to keep someone from hurting you again. And if someone does hurt you I’m going to be here to help you, to comfort you, to try and make you feel better, I’m going to be here to love you and hold you as long as you want me to.” I don’t know if it is enough, if it will ever be enough, but I plan on being here for as long as she needs me, for as long as she’ll let me.

I can’t believe that she is still here with me; I’m still scared to look at her, but I’m overwhelmed by the feeling to look at her, I lift my head from her shoulder and I stare right at her, looking her straight in the eye, looking for any sign of hesitation, regret or pity. I didn’t see any, all I saw was someone who loved me…she loved me, everything about me, the good and the bad….my damage….all of it. She loved me and it was right there….in her eyes, everything I had always wanted to see. I raise my hand and softly rub the side of her face; I put my forehead against hers, and close my eyes, just taking in the feeling of her face in my hand, the feeling of her breath against my face, the feeling of warmth that I have never felt before. 

“I don’t know what to do.” I put my head back down on her shoulder and she wraps her arms around me, she kisses the top of my head and I feel her exhale.

“I don’t know either, but we’ll think of something.” It was the truth I don’t know what we are going to do; I do know she is going to need help. After that we just lay there in silence, both of us just lost in thought, I don’t know when but I eventually do fell asleep. When I wake up Hope is still holding on to me she is fast asleep, I’m glad that she is getting some sleep, I’m glad that for once she isn’t up at the crack of dawn, I’m glad that she is still here with me. I’m still tired so I pull her a little closer and fall back asleep. When I wake up again Hope is still there, she isn’t asleep I can feel her moving around a little.

“What are you doing?” I don’t have to see her face to know that she is smiling; I can feel the side of her face against my abdomen.

“I’m just laying here.” I rub her arm, I know she doesn’t like sleeping in or just laying still, so I’m wondering why she is still here.

“I’m mean why are you still in bed, you hate doing nothing, and you usually get coffee almost as soon as you wake up.” She was silent for a little bit

“I wanted to stay here with you.” She lazily draws patterns on my stomach with her fingers, I can tell there is something she wants to add, she exhales loudly “I’ve been thinking.” She goes quiet again; I know she’s trying to find a way to tell me what she was thinking about “I don’t know how to say this, but I’ve been thinking about what happened….I think I should talk to someone….a professional…I don’t think I’ll be able to tell you things…and still be able to look at you.” Her hand has stopped its movements she looks up at me “I know I can talk to you about anything, it’s just…when I think about telling you, I just can’t.” I understood what she was trying to say. 

“Hope, I get it, I understand, you are going to not want to tell me things because you know it’s going to upset me, and if you talk to someone else, you can tell them everything and not have to sugar coat it. You won’t have to protect me, you can take care of yourself, you should take care of yourself, and if it helps then that’s great, and if it doesn’t, then you can always try talking to me.”

I smile down at her and she smiles back at me, her hazel eyes sparkling, I don’t know what she sees in me, I don’t know how she is even still here, I’m sure most people would have left a long time ago. I give her a long slow kiss; I don’t think I can tell her how much I appreciate what she is doing, but I can show her and the first step is this kiss; I’m not sure what the next step is but I’ll think of something. 

“Thank you” 

“For what”

“For being you, and because I love you.” She leans up and kisses me again.

“I love you too.” I think I know what will be the next step; it will just take a little while for me to get everything.

“So what do you have planned for us today?”

She smiles at me “I was thinking of going out to the beach and the pier, maybe we could go surfing, but if you just want to stay here instead, we could sit on the couch and eat junk food while we watch movies.”

“You do know I can’t surf right?”

“Yeah, but I can teach you.” I didn’t want to just sit here the whole day, I wanted to get out and do something.

“You know what; maybe I’ll be good at surfing, maybe you’ll be a good teacher. And I’ve never been to the pier here, can we go on rides?”

“Yeah we can go on a bunch of rides, and who are you kidding I’m a great teacher, I bet you I’ll get you to surf before the day is over.” She smiles at me cockily, I can’t help but laugh.

“Kelley, do you even have a surfboard for me? I also didn’t bring a swimsuit…or wetsuit I guess, and yours won’t fit me.” Her smile falters, I guess she didn’t think about that “We can buy one, I’m sure we can find a store, right”

“Yeah, there are a ton of surf stores, I’m sure we could find you one, so we are doing this?” she looks so excited I can’t say no, I don’t want to say no.

“Yes we are doing this, but I think we should eat something first, I don’t even know how you’ve survived this long without food.”

“I was feeling a little faint, I thought it was you, but maybe you’re right it must be the lack of food. And now that you mention it, I am really hungry.” She is out of the bed and heading for the door before I could think of anything to say, she is out the door and I’m still wondering what exactly just happened. Her head appears at the door again “Just a warning, for some reason my kitchen is full of people, who think the only reason we are coming out of my room at noon is because we were busy having sex. They don’t need to know the real reason so we’ll just go with it. And I’m going to make pancakes again, so you can wait in here till they are done, I’ll understand, but I’d like it if you hung out with us.” I wanted to be a coward and stay in the room, then I realised that I have to go out there eventually; I might as well do it now.

“Hang on a sec I’m coming.” I quickly run my hands through my hair, “Ruffled enough?”

“You look like you’ve been ravished. You look really hot.” She comes back into the room and gives me a kiss.

“Oh, how’s my breath, is it ok?”

“Stop worrying, it’s fine. Now come on I’m practically running on fumes here.”

“Fine, I’m coming.”

The stares make me feel awkward, “Morning.” 

“You mean afternoon?”

“Oh yeah right, it’s past noon already. So what have you guys been up to?”

“Oh just went to the park, played a little pick up, went to the gym. Went to the store and picked up some stuff, what have you been up to?” I don’t think I met her yesterday, but I don’t think I like her.

“Uh”

“I was kidding; I think we can figure out what you did this morning.” Now I know that I don’t like her.

“Ok, who are you again?” I just want to make sure I know the name of the person that I dislike. 

“Kate, I’m one of the physiotherapist, we met last night.” I honestly can’t remember that, but I’m just going to go with it.

“We did? I’m sorry I don’t remember. We’ll have you guys had lunch yet? I’m sure Kelley wouldn’t mind making some extra, right?” She shakes her head at me, but she still has a little smile on her face that she is trying to hide.

“I can make some more if anyone wants some.”

“What are you making?”

“Chocolate chip pancakes.”

“Again”

“Yeah, it’s my favourite.”

“No thanks I think we’ll stick to something a little healthier; we are professional athletes after all.” 

“Oh please Caitlin you eat like a ton of doughnuts every week.”

“Well you eat them with me.”

“I wasn’t the one who said they wanted to eat something healthy.” Kelley did have a point but I don’t think Dawn will like knowing she is eating so many doughnuts. And I was hungry too so I think it’s time we changed the topic.

“Ok let’s change the topic, how about we talk about what everyone is doing today.”

“We’re just going to hang out here watch some movies, unless you guys are going to be here, we can find something else to do.” I kind of appreciate that they want to accommodate us, but it also makes me feel like they think all we do is have sex.

“No you guys can stay we are going out today.”

“Really”

“Yes, we do have a relationship; we do a lot of things together…well when we can at least.” I picked up on the sadness in her voice at the last part, I did want to be able to see her every day, but I don’t see how we’ll be able to do that, not right now at least. “Ok the pancakes are done; we’ll be out of your hair for the rest of the day, well as soon as we finish eating.” She puts a plate in front of me with a cup of coffee.

“Coffee? When did you even have time to make coffee?” I take a sip, it’s just the way I like it. “Just the way I like it, thank you.”

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After the long hunt for a wet suit and finally finding one, I am ready to start surfing. I’m a little apprehensive at first; I don’t know why I agreed to this.

“Trust me you are going to love it.” 

After a few times of falling off and thinking I’m in way over my head, I finally started to make some progress; it started to get easier to stay on the board. And it was exhilarating when I stayed on, even though it was just for a short while. It was even more amazing when I stayed on till I reached the beach, it was only a small wave, but I felt such a sense of accomplishment when I made it all the way without falling off. After riding a few more little waves, it was time for heading out deeper and trying on bigger waves. I didn’t think I would have needed to convince Kelley to take me deeper, but this time she was a little apprehensive. After finally convincing her to go deeper with me, I finally understood why she was so hesitant, it was really scary seeing how far away from the beach I was and how big the waves really were. This time I didn’t get it as easily as before I couldn’t even stand on the board without falling off, everything just needed to happen quicker than I could do it, I was getting a little frustrated; especially after seeing Kelley doing it so easily. I tried over and over again, but I just couldn’t stay on the board, eventually I decided I needed more practice on the smaller waves before trying the bigger ones. Another reason I was eager to get out of the water is because I was starting to get really hungry, I waited for Kelley to paddle over to me; she had just ridden a wave and was already on her way back. 

“I think it’s time to go back.”

“But you haven’t even ridden one wave yet.”

“I know, but I’m really hungry, it’s getting late. Besides we still haven’t gone to the pier yet and the sun is starting to set.”

“Yeah I guess you’re right, and I’m hungry too.”

Going back to shore takes a little longer than I expected, I didn’t realise how far out we really were, it probably would have been a lot quicker if I could actually ride a wave, as soon as the waves weren’t too big I tried to ride one back to the beach. It did go a lot quicker once I was riding one back; Kelley had no problems getting back.   
We were walking back to the car Hope had swung her arm around my neck, she seemed a lot more relaxed than this morning but there was still tension in the way she walked.

“Did you have fun?”

“I did, I get why you like this so much.”

“I didn’t think you were going to get it so easily.”

“Easily? I couldn’t ride on single big wave.”

“Yeah, but it took me a while to be even able to ride a small wave; you got it the first time.”

“Can I get a reward for getting it the first time?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“On what you want.”

“Well since it was only a small wave, I will settle for a small kiss”

“And what exactly is a small kiss”

“I will leave that up to you”

I shrug my shoulders and lean up to place a quick kiss on her cheek.

“There all done.” She has an incredulous look on her face.

“That’s it.”

“Well you did say a little kiss, and I think that, that constitutes as a little kiss.” She huffs.

“Okay so I did say that, but I think I should clarify that it only counts as a kiss if it’s on the lips.”

“Nope too late, I already gave you a kiss”

“Wow you’re really going to do this to me” She pulls me closer towards her with the arms she has swung over my shoulder and gives me a kiss, it takes me completely by surprise and I barely have time to respond before it’s over.

“What was that for?”

“Thank you teacher.” She just smiles at me “Good call on bringing the extra clothes and towels by the way, I didn’t think about that at all.”

“I’ve been surfing for a while, trust me I did not come prepared the first time I came by myself. The front seat of my car was wet for the whole day.”

We got changed before taking our surfboards back to the rental place, Kelley didn’t want to risk leaving her surfboard tied to the car. The first thing we wanted was to get some food, unfortunately the only food available was junk food, so we went for the healthiest option we could find which were burritos; and they were delicious, but you can’t have dinner without desert so of course Kelley wanted to get some ice cream. 

“Ok so what is the first ride you want to go on?”

“I don’t know which one is the most fun?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never been here before, I only come here to surf.”

“Ok so let’s start off slow since we just ate and I don’t want to feel sick, or be sick.”

“How about we play some of the games first, that way we can take a look around and you can win me a teddy bear.”

“A teddy bear, wouldn’t you prefer a squirrel.” She has a point I would prefer a squirrel, but you don’t usually find them at these kinds of booths.

“Well if you can find one then hell yes I want a squirrel, but I will settle for anything you can win.”

“You shouldn’t have to settle, so I’m going to look for one.”

“And if you can’t find one?”

“Come on; there are a bunch of booths here, one of them should have a squirrel.” We walk around and there are a lot of booths some are the same, having the same games and prizes. We play a few, throwing balls at bottles, throwing a ring over the neck of a bottle, horse shoe toss, popping balloons with dart. But none of the booths had a squirrel; we did win a few prizes, we had a teddy bear, a penguin, a dolphin and an orca. My favourite was the penguin, it had these red glasses on, it made it that much cuter.

“What are we going to do with all of these?”

“That is up to you, these are staying here.”

“They are?”

“Yeah, I don’t want to put them in my suitcase, and I’m not carrying them around in my hand so they are staying here with you.”

“What’s wrong with carrying them in your hand?”

“Look at my face right now.” I look at her; she looks the same as always to me, she lifts the teddy bear up next to her face.

“These two just don’t mix.”

“I think you look cute, but if you don’t want to walk around with a cute fluffy stuffed animal, you should take the penguin, it looks cool and not cute or fluffy.” Since I already like the penguin I’m not going to argue but she doesn’t have to know that I actually like the penguin.

“Fine, I’ll take it, but just to remind me of this night.”

“So what do you want to do now?”

“The Ferris wheel looks nice, and the view would be great don’t you think?”

“Yeah, let’s go do the Ferris wheel.” When we do get there the line is longer than I expected, and since Kelley wanted to get some cotton candy to eat, I was left standing in line with all of the stuffed animals. The little girl standing in front of me with her family, keeps looking back at me, I smile at her and she quickly turns back around, she tries to be sneaky the next time she looks at me, I see her but I act like I don’t. When she keeps staring I have to ask.

“Is there something on my face or do you just like my friends.” Her face turns bright red and she turns back around. I know Kelley won’t mind if I give one of these away, and there would still be three left. I squat down and whisper to her.

“Hey, do you want one; my arms are getting really tired.” She stares at me with big eyes and then she looks up at her mother, who is smiling. She shyly nods her head and doesn’t look at me.

“Well which one do you like the most?” She looks at each of the stuffed animals carefully, she points at the penguin. 

“Can I have this one?” She asks quietly, I can barely hear her.

“Well of course! He is the biggest of them all, so if you take him I won’t have to carry around such a big load. Are you going to give him a name?” She takes some time to think before she answers

“I think I’m going to call him Mr. Suits because he looks like he has a suit on.”

“Well I think that is the perfect name for him.” I give her the penguin and as soon as she has it in her hands she hugs it tightly to her body.

“Thank you.” She says before turning back around. I smile when I stand back up, she is such a cutie. Kelley comes back with the biggest piece of cotton candy I have ever seen; it’s as big as her face, which she is now stuffing with cotton candy.

“Do you think that would be enough?” She smiles at me.

“It’s the biggest one they had so I it will have to be.”

“Are you even going to be able to sleep tonight with all that sugar?” It was a valid question, Kelley loves sugar too much, and when she gets her hands on it she eats too much of it. And when she eats it at night she can hardly sleep, I don’t know why I agreed to let her go buy some.

“I’ll be fine.”

“It’s not really you I’m worried about, I need my sleep.” I was trying to be funny but when she looks at me I can see worry in her eyes, I don’t like seeing that look in her eyes.

“Will you be able to sleep tonight?”

“I have you with me of course I will.” It’s our turn to get on the Ferris wheel, when it starts moving I look out at the city, it really does look amazing seeing the city with all its lights on. The wheel stops when we are almost at the top, I lean my head on her shoulder

“It was really cute when you gave the penguin to the little girl.”

“You saw that.”

“Yes, and I thought it was really cute, I don’t know why you think you’ll be a bad mom, you are good with kids.”

“This is easy I don’t have to make any important decisions about its life, I don’t have to take care of it for more than a few minutes, it’s easy to be nice to kids, it’s a completely different thing to take care of them.”

“I still think you’d be good at it.”

“Well luckily I don’t have to worry about it right now.”

“Would it be that bad if you did?” She cannot be telling me that she wants to get pregnant right now.

“Are you telling me that you want to try?” Please tell me she is going to say no.

“No, no, but eventually it is going to happen; and I don’t want you to feel like it is a burden.” I sigh in relief.

“It won’t be.” She gives me a kiss, I get so lost in it I don’t even realise that we have started moving again, she wraps her arms around my neck and I can feel her tongue wanting to gain access, I open my mouth and I get completely lost in the feelings that are ignited. The next thing I remember is someone clearing their throat, when we part I see it’s the operator waiting for us to get out. I feel embarrassed and he is just looking at us.

“Sorry.” I say as we get out.

“I think it’s time to go home.”

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Kelley has been tossing and turning since we got into bed, I knew she shouldn’t have eaten that cotton candy. I sigh loudly making sure to get her attention

“I’m sorry” She whispers “Did I wake you?”

“If I had fallen asleep you would have.”

“Sorry, I can’t sleep.”

“I told you that cotton candy is going to keep you awake.”

“Ok so you were right, instead of gloating, how about you try to help me fall asleep instead.”

“How am I supposed to do that? You have way too much energy.”

“You really can’t think of something that will tire me out?” She rolls on top of me “Because that would just be disappointing” She kisses me and I am completely awake. 

“I think I can get a little creative.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up, but it was hard to write this chapter. But I hope you liked it lemme know what you think.


	40. I am that lucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to SwanQueenx for being the beta, and I apologize for taking so long to update.

Kelley fell asleep pretty quickly, she curled up next to me and I listen to her rhythmic breathing, in and out, in and out. Today was one of those days were she really reminded me of a kid, all the sugar and falling asleep without having a care in the world, I wonder how she does that. I feel exhausted but I feel a sense of panic when I think about falling asleep, I don’t want to be reminded of what happened again. Kelley moves and her hand nearly hits me in the face, I laugh softly not wanting to wake her. 

“God, I really do love you.” Her face is totally exposed and I give her a quick kiss, a small smile creeps onto her face, before she turns away from me. I listen to her breathing in and out, in and out, in and out, eventually I do fall asleep, unfortunately it wasn’t a restful one. I wake up with my heart beating wildly in my chest, I knew this was going to happen and still it freaked me out. I look at Kelley, she has her back turned to me, I scoot closer and place my head against her back between her shoulder blades. I inhale deeply; her smell calms me down and makes me feel better, I put my arms around her and in the quiet I listen to her breathing in and out, in and out, in and out. Soon I am completely relaxed, I try to fall asleep again but I’m too scared to, the only thing that got rid of my father’s smell was Kelley; and I don’t want to wake up again with the smell of smoke and alcohol clinging to my nose like I was back there again. I’m too tired to stay awake long and when I wake up again the sun is out, I didn’t have the dream again but I think it was because of Kelley, I woke up with her hand slung over my stomach and it felt like she was protecting me. She is lying on her stomach, her hair flung all over her face and the pillow and her one arm slung over me; she was still completely knocked out. I smile when she makes this strange sound while turning her head, I lift up her arm slowly and slip out of bed. I need coffee and something to eat, plus I think Kelley is going to be asleep for a while; I walk out of the room as quietly as I can and I slowly close the door.

I brew some coffee; the smell has my mouth watering. I scrounge around for some mugs I don’t know where anything is, I do eventually find the mugs when I turn back to the coffee pot I nearly drop the mug that is in my hand.

“Shit, you scared me.” My heart is racing.

“Sorry, no one is usually awake this early, except for me.”

“Do you want some coffee?”

“I can’t say no to coffee.” I grab another mug from the cupboard; I don’t know how she takes her coffee.

“How do you take your coffee?”

“A lot of coffee with a little bit of milk.”

“Okay.” I almost fill the mug to the top and set it down on the table, I pour mine and add a little bit of sugar. I get the milk from the fridge and add some to both cups.

“Here.”

“Thanks” I love the first sip.

“So why are you up so early?” I shrug my shoulders.

“I’m usually up early.”

“Except for yesterday.”

“Yesterday was a special circumstance.”

“Is it hard?”

“What.”

“Dating someone you play with on the national team, but having a long distance relationship the rest of the time.”

“It comes with its own set of problems, but so does every relationship.”

“Like what exactly?”

“Finding the right balance, when we are apart it means texting and calling, skyping, any way we can communicate, and when we are together with the team, we have to keep it professional but still spend personal time together. Sometimes I think that is harder than the long distance, we can’t just be a normal couple you know, it’s hard to during practice and games when she does something amazing and I can’t just go out and give her a kiss, and I always have to make sure that my congratulations aren’t more…emotional than everyone else’s. It’s also hard when national team commitments is the first time we see each other in weeks or months, you don’t really want a bunch of people around you when that happens. And then when we have to leave again it’s hard to get used to not seeing her every day and then also having to find time to see each other without any team commitments.”

“Sounds terrible why would you want that kind of relationship.”

“Because it’s worth it, and maybe right now it’s hard but it won’t always be long distance we won’t always play for the national team, life changes.”

“How do you know if it’s worth it?”

“Honestly I don’t know, every situation is different, people are different, it’s a personal thing and everyone has to decide for themselves if it’s worth it or not. For me it definitely is, there is no doubt in my mind that I want to go through all the struggles because when I’m with her I know that my life would be terrible, horrible and incomplete without her in it.”

“Wow, you are whipped.”

“It’s not the worst thing in the world to be. Why are you asking anyway, has someone caught your eye?”

“Oh no, I was just curious.” The small blush on her face tells me differently but we don’t know each other that well so I don’t blame her for not wanting to tell me. 

“Well I’m going to meet some of the girls for a game at the park, I’ll see you later.” 

“See you.” She puts her mug in the sink before grabbing a bag that was next to the door and leaving. The quiet is a little unnerving, so I turn on the TV before rummaging around for a bowl and cereal, I’m hungry. They have so much cereal, who eats this much cereal? I add some cereal and milk to the bowl before sitting down in front of the TV, I’m halfway through my bowl when I hear some movement, Kelley is awake. I go to the kitchen, I set my bowl down and I get another one for Kelley, I add cereal to the bowl when she says

“Why did you make me cereal with milk?” I add the water to her cereal.

“Because that bowl is mine” I put down the one I have in my hands in front of her “This one is ours.”

“Thank you.” She comes up to me and gives me a kiss, and then she yawns and stretches out “Did you sleep ok?”

“Uhm, it was ok.” She looks at me and I turn around to get her some coffee, I don’t want her to worry too much, I can’t have the same dream every night. I hand her the mug with coffee “You look like you need this.”

“Thanks, now tell me the truth how did you sleep, because you look tired.” She runs her hand through my hair, “I just want to know if you’re ok.” I close my eyes and sigh.

“I didn’t sleep that much, I had the dream again, I woke up and you were there, it made me feel better seeing you there. You helped me fall back asleep again.”

“I did, I don’t remember that.”

“You were still asleep, I just moved closer to you, just knowing you were there made me feel better, and when I woke up this morning you had your hand slung over me.”

“Next time I want you to wake me up; I want to be able to help you.”

“You can’t really change my dreams, but thank you for trying to help. Let’s just eat our breakfast and watch some TV.”

We did have breakfast in front of the TV, I can’t believe that I was actually watching cartoons again, but Kelley insisted and I find it hard to say no to her. After having breakfast and cleaning up I was feeling lazy, I didn’t want to go anywhere just yet.

“Do you want to watch a movie? I don’t want to leave just yet.”

“It depends if we can find something to watch that we both agree on.” Kelley says while sitting on the couch while I was in the kitchen washing the dishes since Kelley couldn’t get her stitches wet. I think that since we watched cartoons I should get to choose a movie.

“Since we watched your cartoons, can we watch a movie I want to watch? You already got to watch something you wanted to.” Kelley liked Disney movies way too much for my taste, and I already watched cartoons today, I can’t take another dose. Kelley wrapped her arms around me from behind.

“How about if I promise that I won’t pick an animation, can I still have a say.” This makes me reconsider, but what if she picks a musical, that’s almost as bad as an animation. She places a small kiss between my shoulder blades.

“Please, there is a movie I have been dying to watch.” I should have known there was a reason she went along with watching movies so easily, especially since she wanted to show me the park she always went to as well as going to her favourite food truck for lunch. Are there any recent movies that Kelley has been talking about? Maybe if I can figure out what she wants to watch I’ll be able to find a way out of this if I need to, but nothing comes to mind. 

“Please, please, pleeeaaase” She is making it really hard to say no, but if there is one thing I know it’s that Kelley and I, it’s we have very different movie tastes. 

“Before I decide, tell me what the movie is?” I can’t figure this out by myself, maybe if I know what the movie is it will make the decision easier. I turn around and Kelley smiles at me, I know that smile, it’s the smile she has when she wants something, now I know it’s a movie I won’t want to watch. 

“If we watch it I’ll make it worth your while.” Now this got a little interesting, I could get anything I wanted if I played my cards right. Question now is what do I really want to get out of this.

“I don’t know, I think I have everything I could want right now, what are you offering?” Hey if I can’t think of something by myself, maybe she can give me an idea.

“I’ll make you breakfast for the next four days, I’ll let you sleep in and I’ll let you decide what we can do tomorrow.” 

“Aaah I think you can do better, I don’t really need you to make breakfast, and let’s be honest you’re more likely to sleep in than I am. And I can’t really decide on what we should do, I don’t really know what there is to do around here. You can do better, give me something worthwhile.”

I honestly don’t know what I can bribe her with, but I really want to watch pitch perfect, I haven’t had a chance to yet and I really want to. I don’t think food is going to work, sleep wont work either since she isn’t sleeping a lot at the moment and she is awake before I even contemplate consciousness. There is really only one thing I can give her.

“Okay, give me a few minutes.” I need to get some cards and a pen maybe even an envelope if I can find one. I cut out ten cards and write down on each of them, I put them in the envelope before going back to the kitchen. Hope is lying on the couch looking up at the ceiling, I can see she is deep in thought, I just stand there and look at her for a while, I don’t want to disturb her. This is probably the only way I’ll be able to know what is going on in her head; I know she doesn’t want me to worry but not telling me what is going on is making me anxious. She has been getting better with telling me what she is thinking and feeling but there are still some walls up that I don’t know how to break down. She suddenly notices me and smiles.

“So what have you got for me, I’m really looking forward to watching The Mummy it’s an oldie but a classic.” I don’t want to watch The Mummy when I can watch Pitch Perfect. But I think I will get her approval with my next offer.

“How about we don’t watch that and I’ll let you open this.” I hold out the envelope to her, she looks at it a little apprehensively before taking it. She opens it and looks at the cards, as she reads a smile crosses her face.

“Well I do believe we have a deal, but only if I can use this card immediately.” She holds up the card that says one free kiss, I smile.

“I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t mind it.” She leans in and kisses me, I put my hands around her neck and she wraps her arms around my waist. It gets heated quickly, my heart racing and my breathing is quick and erratic. Her hands move and they go under my shirt, she moves them upwards slowly and even though it feels good, I pull away.

“What’s wrong?” My eyes are still closed but I hear the distress in her voice.

“Nothing, it’s just that the card you used was for a kiss, and I’m pretty sure that Caitlin and the others will be back soon so unless you want to be interrupted, I think we should stop right now.” I hated the fact that even though we were alone, there was always the possibility of being interrupted, we weren’t really alone. “I’m sorry, but we can definitely continue this later.” I was intending it.

“It’s ok, and we can watch your movie, but only if you make popcorn first, I think I’m going to need the distraction.” I give her a quick kiss I knew she would say yes eventually, I quickly put the popcorn in the microwave and take out a bowl to put it in. When it’s done I plop down on the couch next to her and hand her the bowl.  
“Here.” I’m so happy I can barely sit still; I can’t believe I’m going to get to finally watch it.

“Do you mind telling me what we are going to be watching?” Right I hadn’t told her yet.

“Pitch Perfect.” The look on her face tells me exactly what she is thinking, I’m glad there are some things she doesn’t mind keeping from me “It won’t be that bad, trust me.”

“I dislike musicals almost as much as I dislike watching cartoons. And by the end of the day I’ll have watched both….in one day! You are lucky I like your cards and that I love you.” She gives me a kiss, I was expecting something quick but it wasn’t.

“I know just how lucky I am.” 

After the movie has been playing for a while, I start to feel tired; the movie isn’t bad, I just need to get some sleep. I put my head in Kelley’s lap and she absentmindedly starts playing with my hair and before I know it I’m fast asleep.

When I glance down I see Hope is fast asleep, I can tell it’s a restful sleep her face is completely relaxed. I turn down the volume a bit and smile down at her, I’m glad she is finally getting some rest, even if she is missing the movie; I still get to watch it. When the movie is over she is still asleep I run my hand through her hair, and I softly massage her scalp, I won’t be able to sit still like this for long without something to distract me so I flip through the TV channels looking for something to watch. I nearly jump in excitement when I see there is a glee marathon on today, this is definitely something I can watch for a long time, I get as comfortable as I can with Hope’s head in my lap and I enjoy.

Before I open my eyes I hear singing, I can’t believe the movie is still not over yet; it must have been a power nap because I feel rested, more than I did this morning. When I open my eyes I’m a little confused, I don’t know that much about Pitch Perfect but I’m pretty sure there isn’t a guy in a wheelchair in the movie. I yawn and stretch a little; it feels good, I stay the way I am, I’m really comfortable right now. 

“What time is it?” By now I’ve realised that she isn’t watching the movie anymore she is watching Glee.

“It’s almost four.” I sit upright immediately

“What!? How is it that late already? Why didn’t you wake me?”

“Because you needed the rest, and we can still go out to the park it’s really romantic at night, there are fairy lights in the trees. And there is still enough time to get dinner, which you owe me since I haven’t eaten anything since this morning, I’m freakin starving.”

“I can hardly believe it, how did you survive without eating lunch?” 

“Don’t play games with me; you know how much I need my food.” I sit up and kiss her.

“I appreciate the sacrifice you made; I’m going to go to the bathroom to freshen up then we can go, how does that sound?”

“It sounds like a plan, you have five minutes.”

“Then I’d better hurry up.”

I have no idea where we are going but Kelley seems really excited, she is practically bouncing in her seat I can’t help but smile, sometimes I wish I could feel like that again. She turns her head and smiles back at me.

“What?”

I shake my head and smile “Why are you so excited?”

“Taco’s at the food truck are amazing; I promise you will never taste anything as good.” Her smile grows bigger “The only reason I like Wednesdays so much is because I can get them, during the other days the truck is too far away.”

When we do get to the food trucks there are so many people I’m actually surprised, the food has to be really good if there are so many people here. I’m still a little sceptical, how good can food be that is being made in the back of a truck. I know Kelley wants the taco’s since she already said so but I don’t see a truck that is selling taco’s, I don’t see anyone eating taco’s either.

“Are you sure we are going to find tacos here?”

“Yes, trust me. Just follow me.” We walk for a little bit, squeezing through a bunch of people and finally Kelley stops in front of an entirely normal looking truck, with the least amount of people. 

“You know this does not look good for your best tacos ever.”

“Tsk tsk tsk, why do you doubt me.” When we get to the front the cook seems to know Kelley.

“Hey it’s my soccer star, where have you been girl?”

“Hey Henry, yeah yeah, I’ve been a little busy, but I did miss your special item.”

“Ah glad to hear that, you want our usual?”

“Make it two this time.”

“Hey now, we can’t have you getting fat.”

“Henry, the other one is for her.” She points at me and I just give an awkward wave before saying hello.

“Is this the girl you were talking about? You’re right about her.”

“Hey, those conversations were confidential; don’t go spilling all my secrets.”

“You know your secrets are safe with me.” After a few minutes Henry hands Kelley two tacos; they were covered in sauce I don’t know if I’ll be able to taste anything besides the sauce. Kelley has already started eating and she is clearly enjoying her food. She reminds me of a little kid again, her fingers and part of her face is covered in sauce, there are drops of sauce on the table and I’m sure that if it wasn’t for the napkin in her lap she would have sauce on her pants as well. I take my first bite and it is good, really good, addictively good. There has to be something in the sauce, no way can this measly little taco be this good, I now understand what Kelley was talking about. Through a mouth full of food Kelley exclaims,

“It’s delicious right” I hate talking with food in my mouth but I have to agree.

“I will never doubt your taste in food ever again, this is amazing”

“Told you” After we finished eating we went to the park, I don’t really know why Kelley wanted to go but I had slept for most of the day, I was going to be awake for a while. I could see the appeal it was a nice little park, the lights were a nice touch and it wasn’t too far away from where she lived. She probably comes her a lot, she leads me towards a fountain and we sit on a bench close to it.

“This was the spot where I was sitting when I realised how much you mean to me.” Now it all makes sense.

“This is why you wanted to bring me here.”

“I was going to show you this on the last night, I thought it would be more romantic, but with your…problem, I thought that it would be helpful if I brought you here right now. I remember that night so well, everyone was telling me I needed to get out of the house and clear my head. I’m pretty sure I was being a pain in the ass at the time, moping around all day. Well I came here with a ball thinking I would kick it around a little then I got distracted by all the lights, I thought there would be lights on the fountain too, but as you can see there aren’t any. I sat down right here feeling extremely disappointed, at first I thought it was about the lights, but as soon as my mind started to drift it went to you. I went over everything, I thought about what my life would be like seeing you but not being with you, and what it would be like being with you. Honestly my life without you just seemed so dull, uninteresting and not worth it. When I thought about being with you my heart just started racing, there is this feeling, I don’t know how to explain it, it sets my entire being on fire. I can’t live my life knowing that feeling exists with someone and then not be with that person. I realised that it’s not just love, because I do love you, like really really love you, sometimes I think it’s a little insane how much.” I think it’s really cute that she’s getting distracted and I smile knowing that I feel exactly the same way.

“Uhm I think you’re getting off point a bit Kell.”

“Sorry, what I’m getting at is it made me realise that I didn’t have to marry you to still be with you, I didn’t have to marry you to have a life with you, and I knew that one day you would cave on the kid thing. You’re just too good with kids, to not want to eventually have one of your own, I mean just look at your pets, they love you, and even though you travel a lot you take really good care of them.” By now I had decided that I had heard enough but Kelley was on a roll so she wasn’t going to just shut up, so I did the most natural thing I could; I kiss her I don’t care what else she had to say, right now this is the best way I can show her how I feel.

“Thank you for bringing me here.” Her thumb lightly rubs the side of my face, she pulls me in closer and kisses me again, just a soft little kiss. I give her an eskimo kiss and she smiles. I lean my head on her shoulder and she puts her arm around my shoulder we sit in silence looking at the fountain, the sound of the water was soothing and mesmerising. I have no idea how long we’ve been sitting here but I feel like I can sit her all night. Hope kisses the top of my head and rubs my arm.  
“Thank you for helping me, I think the only reason I slept this afternoon was because I had you there, holding me, keeping me safe.” She kisses the top of my head again.

“I’m always going to try and keep you safe. Are you scared of going to bed tonight?” I don’t look at her I know she’ll be more comfortable speaking without having to look me in the eye. I can feel her take a deep breath.

“I don’t know…right now I feel really good about it, but I don’t know how I’m going to feel about it right before I actually go to sleep. I think I’m a lot more scared of going home and not having you there.”

“Isn’t there someone who can stay with you when you go home? Just not in the same room of course. And you are going to go get some help when you go home, you promised me.”

“I know but I don’t think it’s going to be a quick fix, I can maybe ask Charlie to stay with me, not in my room of course. I trust him I know he won’t tell anyone anything, I think he’ll understand.”

“I can live with Charlie helping you out while I’m not there. Promise me you’ll call me when you have any trouble I don’t care what time it is, I want to help you.”  
“I promise, I’ll even tell Charlie to call you if I don’t want to.”

“Oh you don’t have to, I’ll do that.”

“I feel slightly offended that you don’t trust me.”

“I do, I just know that you are a little hard headed and that you hate being vulnerable, so I was just planning on making it easier for you.”

“I don’t know how I should feel about this, have you ever done this before?”

“Only once”

“When!”

“When you were still really angry at me for breaking up with you, I asked Carli to make sure you take care of yourself, especially after you kept ignoring me, I called Carli almost every day after I told you that I wanted to be with you that I had made a mistake. I felt relieved knowing that there is someone looking out for you when it can’t be me.”

“I can’t believe you did that, I had a right to be angry at you, I had a right to cut you out of my life, you hurt me more than I think you know. Did you tell Carli anything? Give her any instructions?”

“I didn’t tell her anything, I just asked her to keep an eye on you, just to make sure that you don’t do anything you’d regret. I wanted to protect you.”

“After you shattered my heart?”

“I know it was all my fault and I was just trying to make everything right again, I should have told you before, but it wasn’t a big deal, I would just ask Carli how you were doing and that was it, we never spoke for more than a few seconds.”

“I can’t believe Carli did that without telling me.”

“We were worried about you; we were trying to help you.”

“I don’t know how I feel about this.” This time I look at her, I need her to try and understand where I was coming from.

“Look, I know I was the one that hurt you, but I was desperate. I’m absolutely sure, for the first time in my life I knew that I wanted you, but you shut me out completely, and it was devastating. It almost felt as bad as when we broke up. I had to beg Carli to do it, and even then she didn’t want to but she saw how much I was hurting and how much you were hurting and she just wanted to help. I promise I never asked her to do anything other than make sure you are okay, that’s why we had the little misunderstanding with Bridget, because all Carli ever did was tell me how you were doing and when I asked her if you were dating anyone she wouldn’t tell me, she said that it wasn’t any of my business she never told me anything other than how you were doing.”

“You still shouldn’t have done that, what were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that I had no way to know how you were doing, even though we were talking we weren’t talking about anything important; we were talking about stupid things like the weather. I felt like I didn’t have any other choice I needed to feel like I was still part of your life. And I’m really sorry but all it did was let me feel like we still had a chance, is that so bad?”

“I guess not, but don’t ever do that again, even if it feels like I am shutting you out.”

“I won’t do it again, but I’m still calling Charlie and telling him to keep an eye on you.”

“That’s fine, because I know about it.”

“Good, so don’t be mad at me anymore.” I look at her to see if she is still angry, she doesn’t look angry.

“I’m not angry anymore; I understand why you did it.” We sit in silence for a little while “Do you want to take a walk, the park looks really nice.”

“I can go for a walk, just as long as you hold my hand.” The smile she gives me melts my heart and makes it race at the same time “How did I get so lucky?” Hope stands up and stretches her hand out to me, I take it and she pulls me up quite forcefully, making me fall into her she holds me close and whispers in my ear  
“You didn’t get lucky, you deserve the world and everything in it, and I’ll do my best to make sure you get it.” She holds me like that for a few more seconds before letting me go and holding my hand. We walked all over the park, talking laughing, hugging and stealing a few kisses every now and then, I’m so happy right now, but in the back of my mind I can’t help but think about the day that Hope will leave. I love New Jersey, the team, my teammates but I hate being so far away from Hope, I hate having to call her instead of talking to her face to face and the thing that I probably hate the most is that I don’t get to go to bed with her every night. It has only been three days, but I have never felt as at home as I do when I know she is here even if she isn’t right next to me when I wake up, I know she is there.

“What are you thinking about?”

“About you leaving.”

“That’s not a nice thing to be thinking about right now.”

“I know, but I can’t help it, I’m going to miss you when you leave. I’m starting to wonder why I’m playing in New Jersey and not in Seattle.”

“I’m going to miss you too when I leave but I don’t want you to make a decision based on how you feel right now. It’s going to be hard to move to another city, to leave your teammates and friends, the people you’ve met here. I would love it if you move to Seattle, but I want us to be sure that we are ready for it, we are going to be playing on the same team, living together, we’ll constantly be together it’s a big decision, and I want us to be ready.”

“We don’t have to live together if I move to Seattle; it will give us some space.”

“Oh we are living together once you move to Seattle, don’t even think about renting a place, I just want us both to be ready when we decide that you are moving and we get everything sorted out with our teams.”

“Do you not feel ready yet?” 

“I love you and I don’t want you to be mad at me, but I don’t feel ready, I don’t know if I can handle being that…” I don’t know what word will work best to describe how I feel “I don’t know if I’m ready to be that open and honest with you yet, to be…naked.” I understand why she is still hesitant, even living with teammates gives you a certain intimate knowledge that can sometimes make a friendship stronger or weaker depending on the person. Hope is really good at keeping everything close to her and not letting anyone in unless she wants them in. If we live together we’ll get to learn all of each other’s habits and secrets and everything in between, now that I think about it, I’m not so sure that I’m ready for that either

“I see your point, maybe I’m not ready yet either.”

“Don’t look so sad, we’ll get there eventually, but until then how about we enjoy the time we have together.” She’s still pouting a bit and I hated seeing her so sad, I hug her and give her a kiss on her temple “Baby unfortunately you’re dating someone who has some baggage, but I love you and I don’t want us to break up because we were moving too fast.” I reach my hand up and pat the side of her face softly.

“I love you too, and I do understand what you are saying, living with someone makes you get to know them on a really intimate level. And even thought we have been dating for a while now, we haven’t spent that much time in the same place, maybe visiting is the best thing we can do for now.”

“Do you want to go home and cuddle?” Cuddling always puts a smile on her face.

“Only cuddling?”

“Well cuddling; maybe a few hugs and kisses, a little bit of talking, maybe even a back rub if you’re lucky.”

“Oh you have me on the back rub because I know I’m that lucky.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there you go, hope you enjoyed it. Lemme know what you think.


	41. Feeling lucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that it took me so long to post this chapter, life has gotten a little busy lately; but the next one should be up soon. Again thanks to SwanQueenx for being my beta.

When I wake up Kelley is staring at me, it’s creeping me out a little, I put my hands over my eyes I shouldn’t take naps in the middle of the day it was so hard to fall asleep last night. I can feel Kelley’s eyes still on me.

“What are you looking at?” I turn to look at her, she smiles and says

“I’m just looking at my girlfriend.” She leans closer and says, “I need to make sure I can remember every inch of you.” She kisses me her hand cupping my face, I put my hand on hers and she deepens the kiss. She pushes me onto my back and straddles me; I place my hands on her thighs. I feel her tongue run along my lips, I open my mouth and rub her thighs, she slowly pulls away and it feels like some kind of connection is broken. I open my eyes and Kelley is smiling at me, she is just sitting there smiling at me, her eyes roaming all over face. When her eyes lock onto mine her smile widens and her eyes shine, it makes me smile back at her.

“What?” Even though I’m smiling I feel like she is seeing something else, I feel like she is looking right through me, and directly at what makes me….me. Her stare starts to make me uncomfortable and I raise my hands up to cover my eyes.

“Stop looking at me like that.” She removes my hands from my face

“I’m not doing anything; I’m just looking at you.” I turn my head away from her.

“You’re not just looking at me; you’re…looking at me.”

“I’m not afraid of what I see.” I look back at her.

“Why aren’t you afraid when I am?” This is the first time I admit it out loud, I’m afraid.

“I’m terrified actually.” Her hand brushes some hair away from my face

“What are you afraid of?”

“That I won’t be able to be…normal again, that the psychologist won’t be able to help me, that I won’t be the person you deserve, that I’ll hurt you and I don’t want you to ever hurt you; that I’ll…fail you.”

“I’m afraid that I’ll fail too, I don’t think there is anyone who isn’t afraid of failing, but I’m not afraid that you’ll hurt me because just like I will do everything to make you happy, I know you will do the same.”

I sit up and capture her lips with mine, there just aren’t words to describe how I am feeling right now; a few minutes ago I was feeling unsure of myself but now I know that even when I do fail, Kelley will still be there for me and when she fails I will be there for her. The kiss goes from frenzied and passionate to slow and tender; this wasn’t about sex it was about showing her love, respect, gratitude and most of all my devotion to her, to us. The kiss comes to and end and I give her three quick short kisses on her lips, I lay back down and Kelley places her head on my chest, she is in an awkward position because she is still straddling me, I move so that Kelley will straighten out her legs but still keep her head on my chest, I like the feeling I get when Kelley hugs me towards her like she is currently doing. She places her hand under my shirt and my skin erupts in goose bumps, she didn’t move it further and we just lay there until she spoke.

“Do you want to go to the city?”

“New York?”

“Yeah, there is more to do, it’s closer to the airport and we’ll be able to be alone.”

“I doubt we’ll be alone in a city filled with people.”

“Come on I’m being serious, do you want to go?”

“I don’t really mind where we are as long as I get to be with you for three more days I’ll be happy.” I feel the smile on her face and it makes me smile.

“I guess we are going to New York then, I’m going to go show you some of the places I’ve discovered.”

“That sounds like a good idea to me.” Usually it’s Kelley’s stomach that interrupts our conversations in the morning but this time it’s mine. Kelley burst out laughing as soon as my stomach stops growling she pokes me in the belly before saying,

“Looks like I’m not the only one who has a hole in their stomach.” She lifts her head and gives me a quick peck “Let’s go get some breakfast and then decide where we’ll be staying.”

“Will you make me some more chocolate chip pancakes?”

“Who are you right now and what have you done with Hope?”

“What!? You know they are my favorite and there is no one in Seattle who will make them for me, well at least not as good as you make them.”

“What?”

“Yeah Julie just doesn’t make them as good as you do?” She gives me a light punch in the stomach and says, 

“Who the hell is Julie?”

“Ow; calm down, she works at the coffee shop where I get my coffee and occasionally some pancakes, but her pancakes are not nearly as good as yours, trust me.”

“All I know is they better not be.”

I hug her, “Trust me there is no one whose pancakes I would want other than yours.” This time I want to help Kelley make the pancakes but it seems like I only get in her way so instead I decide to make some coffee, I’m surprised that I hadn’t started having withdrawal symptoms yet. The smell is making my mouth water, and the first sip is absolute heaven.

“Are you going to hand me mine or am I going to have to walk all the way over there for it?” With my eyes still closed I answer,

“It’s not that far you can walk.”

“I’m making you pancakes and taking you to New York and you can’t even bring me some coffee.”

“Well of course I can, the question is do I want to give it to you.”

“Well then….the next question you should ask yourself is if I can give you some of these pancakes or not.” With that being said I’m up and next to Kelley with her coffee ready.

“I’m going to have to remember this threat for next time.”

“Ha! Nice try, but it will only work when you are making pancakes.” I finish my cup just as Kelley puts my plate down in front of me.

“Thanks babe.” She leans in for a kiss and I happily oblige, we eat in silence I feel happy and content, I feel at home. When we finish breakfast Kelley starts to load the dishwasher and I realize how quiet it has been all morning, I don’t think Caitlin is here or anyone else for that matter. Kelley is only wearing shorts and a sports bra, and now that my hunger has been satiated, another hunger starts to creep up again. Her lower back looks so alluring and I can see part of her obliques, her hair is hanging loose partially covering her shoulders. I walk closer I feel like a predator stalking prey, before she can turn around I place my hands against the counter trapping her between me and the counter, I sweep her hair to one side and kiss from the tip of her shoulder slowly all the way up to her ear, she doesn’t move and as soon as I nibble lightly on her ear I hear her inhale sharply, I move my one hand from the counter and place it around her waist pulling her closer to me. She places her hands on the arm that I have around her waist before she leans back, she turns her head so I have more access to her neck. I can hear her breath hitch again when I lick along her artery, I can feel her heart racing; I lightly bite the junction between her neck and shoulder before turning her around to look at me. When she opens her eyes to look at me, I have to kiss her, I kiss her so forcefully that she hits her back against the counter, we don’t break the kiss but I do lift her up so she is sitting on the counter, I have to tilt my head up to not break the kiss and she wraps her legs around me. When we finally break apart from lack of oxygen when I look at Kelley I feel overcome with love, the look she has on her face, in her eyes; it spreads this feeling of warmth all over my body. She looks at me and in an instant there is a flicker of mischievousness in her eyes.

She jumps onto me almost making me fall over, she gives me another deep kiss and my knees start to go weak, just when I think I won’t be able to keep standing she drops to the floor and runs to the couch. At first I don’t know what to do; I stand in the kitchen for a few moments, till I see Kelley looking at me from the couch.  
“Hope? What are you doing?” My brain wasn’t working properly.

“I’m coming?” Kelley laughs at me.

“Babe I want to finish what you started, just not in the kitchen, it’s where I eat, I can’t make food while thinking about the amazing orgasm you gave me, I might cut my finger off if I do that.” She waves her finger, which still has stitches, in the air. I had completely forgotten about that.

“How is your finger feeling I’ve completely forgotten you had stitches?” She frowns before ducking back behind the couch.

“Do you really care how my finger feels right now?” Next thing I know she is throwing her pants over the back of the couch “Especially since I don’t have any pants on right now.” She has a valid point I don’t care how her finger feels right now. I sprint over to the couch and jump over the back. Kelley is lying on the couch with a smirk on her face; she grabs me around the neck and pulls me down.

I don’t know how I got on top of Kelley but I did, I put most of my weight on my arms, Kelley runs her hand down my back, when she reaches the top of my shorts she slips her hand underneath, and pushes my hips down onto hers. She grinds into me and I respond by grinding my hips as well; our kiss goes from controlled to frenzied and soon my hands are roaming over her body, and we both lose our clothes. We enter each other at the same time and our hands are moving at a quick pace, it’s getting harder to keep up the pace as I’m rushing towards release. Kelley’s moans spur me on to keep going; I feel her clench on my fingers, I kiss her; it drowns out not only her moans but mine as well as we both reach our climax. I rest my head on her shoulder while I catch my breath, I can hear Kelley’s heart racing; it brings a smile to my face, I lift my head to look at her. 

“I think we need a shower, don’t you?” She smiles then shrugs and says, 

“It couldn’t hurt.”

I don’t know how long we were in the shower but when we get out it’s obvious that Caitlin has returned I can hear the TV and I smell coffee. When Hope kisses my neck again I struggle to keep a moan from escaping, I push her away lightly.

“Caitlin is back, control yourself.” She kisses me again.

“Then we better start packing.” I want to follow her into my room but I know that I have to talk to Caitlin first. When I sit down on the couch I can’t help but smirk when I think about what happened earlier.

“I’m pretty sure your clothes aren’t supposed to be laying on the floor…here.”

“We had breakfast and then, well we needed to take a shower, we just lost our clothes earlier than expected.”

“Please tell me I can still sit on the couch?” I guess I’m not as good of a liar as I thought I was.

“Uhm, maybe you should clean it first, you know, just in case.” She throws a pillow at me.

“Damnit Kelley, I live here too.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry, really I am.” I give her a hug “I have to tell you something else.” Caitlin pushes me away. 

“Please don’t tell me I have to clean the kitchen as well.”

“No, it’s nothing like that. Hope and I are going to New York till she goes back to Seattle. So you can have the place all to yourself and you don’t have to worry about us.”

“You mean the two of you don’t have to worry about me or anyone else bothering you.”

“Well yes, but I want to show her the city as well; I’ll see you in three days ok.” She hugs me again.

“Yeah, yeah, just go have fun.”

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After getting to our hotel Hope wanted to test out the bed, which led to us not leaving the room until late in the afternoon. Since it was close to dinner time and we had only had breakfast our first stop was a little bistro I discovered when I was wondering around once. The food was delicious and cheap and the best part of all is that it was private; we could enjoy our food without anyone bothering us and no one could see how we were being absolutely disgustingly cute, if I had to look at a couple acting the way we were know I would feel sick. But right now I couldn’t be happier, this is the first time since Hope came to visit me that I don’t feel any pressure surrounding us; that I feel like we can just…be. This is also the first time in a long time that our conversations aren’t about something serious or the future, we’re just talking about random things, things that have happened, things we want to do, funny stories.

We were in the bistro for hours, when we finally left it was dark and a little chilly, I put my arm around Kelley and she wraps her arms around my waist, we walk around the city for a little bit, enjoying the sights and each other’s company. I don’t really know if it was the lights, the cold or Kelley’s arms around me, but I couldn’t seem to keep my hands to myself, and lucky for me Kelley didn’t seem to mind either. I’m usually not one to kiss in public, but I was finding Kelley irresistible today, she pulls away just far enough that our lips aren’t touching, but close enough that I can still feel her breath. 

“I think we should go back to our hotel.”

“I think you’re right.” I kiss her again, and it feels like the only parts of my body I can control are the parts of me that are connected to Kelley. She pushes me away again and I rest my forehead against hers. She pulls me by my hand and we get in a taxi, she tells him where to go and I pull her back towards me. I hug her tightly and she rests her head on my shoulder, I inhale deeply before kissing her on top of her head, she tangles her legs with mine, I kiss her on the head again.  
When we get back to the hotel the urgency from before is gone, we stroll hand in hand to the elevator. When inside Hope moves to stand against the back of the elevator, I stand in front of her and wrap my arms around her, she slowly wraps her arms around me, I lift my head to look up at her and she looks down at me, I smile and she smiles back at me.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For forgiving me, for helping Erin, for hanging out with my family, for coming here, for meeting my teammates, for letting me in, for loving me. I just realized that I hadn’t thanked you for any of those things.” She leans down to kiss me which is broken when the elevator door opens. I pull her towards me and we head to our room. I lead her towards the bed and she sits down on the edge of the bed, I kneel down before her and rest my head on her knees. She lifts my head so I’m looking up at her.

“Kelley, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t want you to leave. I miss you already.”

“I’m right here.” She pulls me up and I’m sitting on her lap, she looks me in the eye and says, “I’m still here.” She hugs me and I hug her back.

“I wish I could say I’m not going anywhere, but for right now, I’m here, we’re together, let’s enjoy it as much as we can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there you have it I know it wasn't that long a chapter and probably not even that good, but as always leave a comment and tell me what you think.


	42. Getting better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised the next chapter. Thank you SwanQueenx

“How did these last three days go by so quickly?”

“Time flies when you’re having fun?”

“I don’t want you to go yet.”

“I don’t want to go either, but I have to.”

“Stay a little longer.”

“I can’t, you know I can’t.”

“Sometimes I hate our jobs.”

“You love it and so do I” She wraps her arms around my waist and snuggles closer, we have to get up and get ready to go to the airport but I don’t want to move either. After a few minutes I start to get up.

“No, five more minutes!”

“I wish I could, but it’s getting late if we don’t get ready I’ll miss my flight.” 

“Would that be such a bad thing?”

“Yes, because we both have to start training again, it’s an important year, don’t you want to go to the Olympics?”

“Of course I do, but right now I want you to stay more.”

“Come one we’ll see each other in a couple of weeks for camp, and then after that we’ll play a game against each other, then it will be the camp before the Olympics starts. Not to mention being at the Olympics too.”

“We’ll see each other at camp if I’m called up. The same goes for going to the Olympics we’ll only be together if I’m selected, after the last camp I don’t know how likely that will be.”

“Babe you almost lost your sister, everyone knows that you deserve to be on the team, you just needed a little time. Now you’ve taken the time you needed and you’re ready to get back to it, and everyone wants you to be back at camp and on the team, we’re better with you.”

“I’m nervous that I’ve fallen behind everyone else, what if I’m not good enough anymore?”

“You can’t be serious, we played in the park and can you remember how many times you scored on me?” I could see a small smile forming; I smiled and gave her a quick kiss. Kelley pulls me closer and things start to get heated, I know we have to stop or I will definitely miss my flight. I pull away and place my forehead against hers my eyes closed trying hard to get myself under control; I can feel Kelley breathing heavily.

“Why don’t you go start your shower while I quickly pack our stuff and if there is still enough time we may have time to have breakfast together.” 

“Ugh; sometimes I hate it when you are so sensible.”

“Does that mean that you’re actually going to listen to me?”

“Yes, I’ll go get in the shower, try and not take too long, since we don’t really have to have breakfast together, but I would like to say goodbye properly.” Before I could even think of what to say she was already gone. I feel like just shoving everything into our bags but I would be so mad at myself when I get home and everything is wrinkled and disorganized. Luckily with all the traveling I’ve done, folding clothes has become second nature, and everything was packed in about ten minutes. I glance at the clock working out how much time we have left before rushing off to the shower, I agreed with Kelley we really didn’t have to have breakfast together. 

The 45 minutes we had felt like 5 minutes and this time I was the one who didn’t want to leave, we seemed to have switched moods, now Kelley was the one getting us out the door and me on time for my flight and I’m the one who doesn’t want to leave. For the first time today I’m actually thinking about what it will be like going home, having to sleep without Kelley there to help me. 

As we got closer to the airport Hope’s mood got worse, it was like I could physically see the walls going up, I can see the fear in her eyes and just like her I’m afraid, I’m afraid she’ll be a completely different person when I see her again, I’m afraid that she won’t go to the therapist, I’m afraid she won’t let Charlie help her. For now I need to make sure she doesn’t see that, for now I’m going to reassure her that everything is going to be alright. When we reach the airport Hope grabs my hand and squeezes, I’m not sure if she was trying to reassure me or if she needed reassurance but either way I felt better and I hope she does too.

When it’s time for me to go, I lean down to give Kelley a hug, I close my eyes take one deep breath I whisper goodbye in her ear. She shakes her head yes just as I am about to let her go she says,

“Call me when you land...and if you need to talk, anytime I don’t care if it’s two in the morning, okay?” She has never once before asked me to call her and I know she is worried so I try to reassure her.

“Charlie is going to be there, and I’m going to the therapist. I’m going to be okay.”

“I know, but I wish I could be there for you, so call me.”

“Okay.”

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I’m nervous for my first night without Kelley, I know I told her I would be fine, but I’m not sure how true that statement was. I was having second thoughts about Charlie being there but after having dinner with him and catching up, I’m glad he is here with me for some reason he calms me down. We are sitting in front of the TV when he asks

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“I appreciate that Charlie, but I’ll be okay by myself.”

“Are you sure, I don’t mind.”

“I’m sure thanks.” The truth is that I don’t know how I will handle the therapy and I really don’t want anyone to see me completely freaked out or crying, except for Kelley...and the therapist. When I go to bed I send Kelley a text.

‘Good night Kel, talk to you tomorrow sweet dreams. Love you xxx.’ She replies quickly with, 

‘Night babe, sweet dreams. Remember to say goodnight to Charlie. xxx.’ Her text brings a smile to my face and it stays there till I get into bed. I turn on some relaxing music, I read an article on the plane that certain sounds and music can help someone with anxiety; I was feeling pretty anxious so I thought it couldn’t hurt to try. 

My brother is shoving me around, we are fighting but I don’t know why, I can hear shouting but I can’t make out the words. Everything seems overshadowed by the sound of rain falling against the window; it’s this overwhelming constant drumming sound drowning out what is happening in front of me. It starts to come back to me, and just as I remember my brother punches me in the face, I remember how shocked I was my father is sitting in the kitchen he can see what is happening and I can see his face now, he is smiling. Smiling proudly at his son for following in his footsteps, it makes me feel sick, but I don’t remember seeing my father there; is this another memory or just a dream? My brother drags me to my room I’m crying uncontrollably, flailing my arms and kicking, I didn’t want him to touch me, he grabs me by the throat and lifts me up. I can remember the feeling of not being able to breathe properly, I can see myself grabbing at his hands trying to loosen his grip, he pulls me closer to him and says something, I can’t remember what it was. When he’s done he throws me down at the foot of the stairs, he walks away and I crawl up the stairs as quietly as I could. I remember having to wear a scarf and turtlenecks to cover the bruising on my neck, I was lucky because it was raining for two weeks straight, so it wasn’t strange to wear a scarf or turtle neck. The sound of the rain starts to become louder and louder, soon it deafening, suddenly my face feels wet, it’s raining inside I can feel the rain on my face. 

Leo is standing over me licking my face, now I know why my face felt wet, but strangely enough I can still hear the rain against the window. I look at my window it’s not raining, and then I realize it’s the sound that was supposed to relax me, well that didn’t work out as I thought it would. I rub Leo on the head and he lowers his head onto my chest

“Thanks buddy.” I ruffle his ears before getting up and going to the bathroom. I splashed some water on my face; it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Leo sits at the bathroom door waiting for me to go back to bed, I pat him on the head and get back into bed, I can’t fall asleep again, now I keep thinking about my brother. Where does he live? Is he still alive? Has he changed at all? Leo licks my face and gives me this sad look, before whining a little.

“Do you want some food?” His head pops up and he starts panting

“I guess that’s a yes.” I get out of bed and Leo follows me. After getting him some food and watching him scarf it down, I walk back up to bed and Leo crawls onto the bed, before settling down right on top of me, I push him off and he puts his head on my stomach. I look down at him and smiled. He really is a good dog, after taking care of Leo I’m tired and I fall asleep easily. I didn’t have another dream that night and when I wake up there is a text on my phone from Kelley.

‘I missed you last night, I needed my Hope pillow. Love you’ 

Reading the message I’m pretty sure it was probably killing Kelley to not ask about my dreams, but I appreciate her not bringing it up. I make some coffee before replying to the text.

‘It was hard sleeping without you too; luckily Leo was there to keep me company, if you’re not careful you may be replaced. Charlie is still asleep I’ll talk to you after my session later xxx.’

‘Does this mean you actually got a good nights sleep?’

‘I had one dream about my brother, but I don’t know it didn’t really bother me that much, it just made me wonder about him, and you should be getting ready for practice so go and stop worrying.’

‘For your information I’m at the field already and I’m early, I’m going to take some shots and do some drills, tell Charlie I said hi, and get your butt off the kitchen chair and get ready for your session.’

‘For your information I’m already dressed, and I’m not sitting in the kitchen, I’m out on my patio.’ It was a complete lie I was sitting in the kitchen and I wasn’t close to being dressed, but she didn’t have to know that.

‘You and I both know you are lying right now, it’s way too early for you to be dressed already, you just finished your first cup of coffee and you never get dressed before drinking your first cup. Just so you know I wouldn’t mind seeing a picture of your outfit.’ It’s a little creepy that she knows me so well, but I take a picture anyway and send it to her with the caption ‘How do I look?’

I nearly spit out my coffee when I read her reply ‘I think you should change, you look a little crazy.’ I was expecting something along the lines of you look hot in those shorts, but this made my day too. 

‘Well then you are dating a crazy person, but for you I will change into something more normal, now pay attention to what you are supposed to be doing and I will call you later to tell you how it went.’

‘Fine I’ll stop playing and actually practice. Have a good day xxx’

‘Love you xxx’

I nearly get a heart attack when I lift up my head and see Charlie

“Shit” I almost spill the rest of my coffee “Are you some kind of ninja? Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

“I wasn’t sneaking I was just walking you were too distracted to actually pay attention. How did you sleep?”

“Fine, Leo kept me company.”

“I hope that’s a good thing, and you’re sure you don’t want me to go with you today?”

“Yes, I’ll be fine, but I’ll call you if I do need anything okay?”

“Okay, so what are we having for breakfast?”

“I don’t know what you are going to eat but I’m going to eat some fruit and oats.”

“Are you telling me that I have to make my own breakfast?”

“You are a grown man aren’t you?”

“Yes, what does that have to do with anything?”

“If you are a grown man then you can make your own food, eat what you want I don’t care but I’m not going to make it for you.”

“You are a terrible host; I hope you treat Kelley better than you are treating me right now.”

“Of course I do, and for all your whining here is some food for you.” I would never let anyone make food in my house when they don’t know where anything is. “Don’t think about complaining, I made it the way I always do, if you don’t like it then you really can make your own food.”

Charlie raises his hands in a gesture of surrender “I wasn’t going to say anything; I was just going to ask for some sugar.” I know he’s lying because he is a terrible lair, but I pass him the sugar anyway.

On the drive to the therapist my heart starts racing, I don’t know what to expect or what I’m going to say, most of my teammates don’t know about my past, now I’m going to have to reveal it to some stranger. While sitting in the waiting room, I can feel the sweat forming in my hands I rub them on my pants to keep them dry; my heart jumps into my throat when the door opens. I almost feel like I am on auto pilot when I stand up and walk into the door. The room is not what I expected; I was expecting it to look like what you usually see in movies with the long couch where you lay down while the therapist sits behind you and writes down everything you say. This looked like a normal living room, without the TV of course, no long couch just two chairs facing each other. When it hits me that I’m actually going to have to look at him while talking about everything it makes me want to turn around and leave. He must have seen the look in my eyes because he gets up and shakes my hand.

“Hello Ms. Solo, why don’t you take a seat?” I walk over to the chair and sit down.

“Do you want something to drink? Tea? Coffee?” 

“No thanks, I’m fine.” He smiles at me, it relaxes me a little.

“Is this your first time seeing someone?”

“Yes.”

“Is there something specific you want to talk about, or do you just need an outlet from some pressure?”

“A little of both.”

“Okay, so how about we start with the one you are most comfortable with. Why are you here today?”

“Well, they kind of relate to each other so I can’t really talk about the one without the other.”

“Okay so tell me what can I help you with?”

“I’ve been having some… memory problems….”

“Are you forgetting things?”

“No, I’m remembering things that I forgot, I didn’t have the best childhood, I always knew that but there are things that I didn’t know that I’ve recently remembered.”

“And how have these memories been coming back?”

“In dreams, but I know they aren’t dreams, as soon as it starts I know it’s a memory, it’s like when I see it I remember everything and I see it happen right in front of me. I’m just struggling with what I’m remembering, it’s making me not want to sleep anymore and most nights I can’t fall back asleep once I’ve had a dream. It’s pretty exhausting and I can’t do my job if I’m tired the whole time.”

“Is the problem that you can’t fall asleep after having one of your memories or that you don’t want to?”

“I haven’t really thought of it that way, I think it’s because they make me question so many things in my life that I can’t fall asleep again, but sometimes I am scared of what else I’ll see if I do fall asleep again. I just don’t want to relive what my father did, what my mother did, what my brother did, seeing it happen…it just makes me sick and it makes me question not only what they did, but also if I am like them, or if I ever will be like them. And that thought scares me, because if I am like them…if I turn into them…then how can I be the person I want to be, how can I be a person that deserves to be loved, and to love someone.”  
“What makes you think that you will be like them?”

“I…I don’t know, but I grew up in a house filled with abuse, most people who grow up in abuse tend to become abusers too.”

“You know not everyone who grew up with abuse become abusers, a lot of people become great advocates against abuse, they have families and even make great parents because they give their children and partners what they never received.”

“I’m not an open person, there is only a hand full of people who know about what happened to me and I don’t want to tell more people, the only reason you know is so that you can help me with my dreams, so I can sleep again.”

“Why is it that you don’t want to tell people?”

“They don’t need to know about it, and I don’t want people looking at me with pity and thinking what a horrible life I have had. I did have a bad childhood, but there were good things too, and telling people will only make them see the negative instead of the positive. I also don’t want to have to answer questions about it every single time I have an interview.”

“Why not? Look at you, you’re an accomplished soccer player, you’ve travelled to a bunch of countries, you’ve lived abroad in spite of what happened to you; that sounds like an inspiring story to me.”

“It sounds great when you say it like that, but to me it’s just been my life, the only thing that helped me through it was playing soccer, getting away from home by playing, it’s not something I did by myself.”

“No one said you had done it by yourself, but you survived.”

“I survived with a lot of issues, that I need your help to overcome, I didn’t come here to be convinced of sharing my past, I came here so you could help me; and I need you to help me quickly since we have the Olympics coming up and I need to be focused on the team and the game I can’t have any distractions.”

“There are no quick fixes, all we can do is work together and try to work on all your ‘issues’ as you put it.”

“I just want these dreams to stop so I can sleep, is there anything I can do to stop them.”

“There really isn’t anything you can do to stop them, but maybe a better question is why you are having these dreams now? What has changed in your life that brought up all these memories?”

“I don’t know aren’t you the one who is supposed to tell me why this is happening?”

“I don’t know enough about your life to make such an assessment, is there anything that changed recently? When did these dreams start?”

“They started about a week ago, while I was visiting my girlfriend.”

“Are things serious with your girlfriend?”

“Yes, I don’t think there is anyone else I would want to spend my life with.”

“So you want to get married?”

“Well no, we’ve talked about it and I don’t really believe in marriage, I want to be with her but with what I saw a marriage being I don’t want to get married.”

“How does she feel about that?”

“It did cause some trouble, we broke up for a bit, but we worked it out. I explained why I didn’t want to get married, but that I did believe in being with someone for the rest of my life, and that someone was her. We talked a lot about it and it’s not an issue at all.”

“Has something else changed in your relationship? Are you going to move in together?”

“With our careers it’s hard to just decide to move in together and to do it, and we both feel that we just got back together and we aren’t ready for that just yet. But we are planning on moving in together, we will probably discuss it more when the Olympics are over and we have some more time.”

“Mmmmm it sounds like you and your girlfriend are communicating well, what else have you been talking about?”

“We did have a disagreement about having kids one day, I don’t feel like I would be a good parent but Kelley would be a great mother and she wants to be a mother. I want her to be a mother but I don’t want to be responsible for a child. I want her to be happy and having a child one day was something that Kelley just couldn’t live without and since I can’t live without Kelley I agreed that one day we could have a child.”

“When did this conversation happen?”

“When I went to visit her; about a week ago.”

“Well I think that is the anxiety you are feeling. Not just that but you are having memories from your childhood and you just decided to have a child someday. What I think is happening is you are trying to get rid of your issues so you can be a good parent, and the only way to ‘fix’ yourself is to remember everything that happened.“

“So this all started because I agreed to have a kid with Kelley?”

“In a sense yes, but from what I can tell it started because you are in a place where you feel safe enough to be able to face all of these things. You may not like it but in a way you know that you’ll be able to survive your new memories, probably because you have a good support system in place something that you’ve never had before. It feels like something bad but it’s a good thing.”

“Remembering my father’s sexually assaulting me, and then finding out my mother knew about it the whole time, is a good thing? Not to mention my brother beating the shit out of me, it doesn’t seem like a good thing to me.”

“The only way to get completely through what happened to you; is to remember everything that happened, and working thought it. Talking to your girlfriend, people you trust and if you want to, talking to me. I don’t think you have a choice in remembering but how you handle it is up to you; it can make you stronger or it can tear you down.”

A silence falls on the room, I’m taking in everything he is saying and it does make sense, all of this started when I told Kelley that we would one day have a child. And everything I said that day was and is the truth, I want her to have everything she deserves, I want her to be happy. And to make her happy I need to be ‘normal,’ or as close to normal as I can get; one thing that has come to light is that I have something that I never had before, I have support; which means I have people who care about me, who love me.

“So talking about this is what is going to help me?”

“Talking about it, and writing about it is a good way to make your internal feelings known. Sometimes you’ll be surprised about how you really feel about something.”

“Writing about it helps too?”

“Yes it does. If you have trouble verbalizing your feelings writing it down can be another way of getting your feelings out. Free writing can be really good for you; it may reveal some other anxieties that you have that you don’t even know about. And something that I think you’ll be happy to hear is that you don’t have to show your writings to anyone unless you want to.”

“I can do that.”

“Why don’t you try it the next three days and you can come back and we’ll discuss what you wrote down or anything else you want to talk about.”

“Okay, that actually sounds good to me; I’ll see you again in three days.” When I leave the office I feel pretty good about it, and I want to share it with Kelley. The first thing I do when I get home is to send Kelley a text asking if she is free to talk; her response is to call her.

After going through everything with her, and talking it out I feel even better and Kelley does sound happy although she was a little upset that what seemed to be the trigger for all of this was our conversation about having kids. The one thing today that has been really clear to me is that with Kelley in my life I have stability; I have someone to turn to, to share everything with, I have someone that sees the good in me, sees my potential and wants me to achieve it. For the first time in my life I want the same for someone else, I want her to succeed, my life isn’t just about me it’s about us, and that is a scary thought.  
Before I go to bed there is one more thing that I have to tell Kelley, 

‘I love you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter not sure when the next one will be finished, lemme know what you thought.


	43. Welcome back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long; I've been super busy. Thanks again to SwanQueenx for being the beta.

I couldn’t wait to see Hope. I was a little ball of energy, I couldn’t get myself to sit still and I was pretty much annoying everyone that was sitting close to me. I don’t know how they are going to get through this flight with me but I’m just so happy that I was going to see Hope in a few hours and excited that I would get to play soccer with all of my favourite teammates. My leg was bouncing and I kept fidgeting in my seat, the man a couple of seats over from me started giving me the stink eye, I put on my earphones and tried listening to some classical music maybe this would get me to calm down a little, it worked really well, next thing I know I’m waking up to an announcement of us landing in the next couple of minutes. It feels like getting to the hotel is taking forever; when I finally do arrive almost everyone is there already. Alex comes bouncing up to me.

“Guess who your roommate is?” I smile and give her a big hug.

“It has to be you.”

She pulls back and says.

“Even better, guess who is next door from us?” 

“Please tell me it is Hope.”

“It is Carli and Hope.” I nearly run her over getting to the elevator. She yells after me.

“Why didn’t I get that reaction? I’m your best friend.” I’m too busy thinking about Hope to reply to Alex. Then when I have to press the button for the floor I want to go to I realise that I don’t even know which room I’m in so I have no idea which floor to go to.

“Uhm Alex…”

“Fifth floor room 503, Hope and Carli are in room 502.”

“Thanks…I’ll see you later.”

“Just let me know if it’s safe to come into the room.”

“I do have some self-control.”

“Yeah that’s why you can’t stand still, and ran to the elevator.” Just before the door closes I stick out my tongue. I knock on the door and Carli opens it.

“You didn’t even go to your room first?” I look back at my bag then back at Carli.

“I need a little help unpacking.”

“That bag doesn’t seem too big.”

“Carli stop being mean.” Hope finally appears in the door and I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my face.

“Hey babe”

“Urg, I’m going to watch some TV; try and be quiet.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

“I’ll tell you about it later; did I hear that you need some help?”

“You did, do you want to join me in my room?” She smiles and it feels like my heart skips a beat.

“I would love to.” She takes my bag from me and I realise that I don’t have a room key.

“Shit, I forgot my key, I’ll be right back.” I go back down stairs and get a key; Hope is still waiting outside my room she laughs when she sees me, I can feel my face burning I must be as red as a tomato.

“Don’t laugh at me!” I lightly slap her arm.

“You look really cute with your face all red, maybe I should laugh at you more.” I open the door and reply, “That’s not funny.”

“How did you even forget the key?”

“I was excited.”

“And why exactly where you excited?” She raises her eyebrow at me, I close the door and jump on her, she grabs me to hold me up and I plant a bunch of kisses all over her face, before putting my hands on the side of her face making her look at me.

“I missed you.” I give her a kiss. I pull back just to kiss her again a few seconds later, before giving her one last small kiss. 

“I missed you.” 

Kelley sits down on the bed she pats the bed next to her and I go to sit down.

“So what did you want to tell me?”

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot; I want to find my brother.”

“Okay, what made you decide to do this?”

“Because I want to get rid of some baggage and I think finding my brother and talking to him, maybe even become part of each other’s lives again.”

“But why now?”

“Because I never really realised what a big part my brother plays in all of this, I cut my brother off when I left home; I wasn’t planning on talking to him ever again. But I have this anger directed at him, why did he do what he did? Why did he have to be like my father? Why didn’t he try and protect us? I still wonder about him sometimes and I just want to be able to get rid of that anger, find some answers and move on, maybe even get my brother back.”

“You know I will support you in anything you want to do, but are you sure you want to do this? The Olympics are around the corner, we are going to be really busy; and you have no idea what to expect, what if it’s not good, you can’t afford distractions right now.”

“So what you’re saying is that my family shouldn’t be as important as the Olympics?”

“No, what I’m saying is that you haven’t talked to your brother for a reason; and you’ve worked to get to the Olympics for almost your whole life. Are you sure you want to give it up for the family that abused you and hurt you? How sure are you, you won’t get hurt again?”

My heart sinks when Hope just turns around without saying a word; before I could even say anything I hear the door open then close. I stand there speechless confused about what just happened, when suddenly Hope is in front of me again.

“What..?” Before I could even finish my sentence her lips were on mine, now I was even more confused than I was before, but I still get lost in the kiss. When the kiss is broken I’m still confused.

“I don’t think that anyone in my entire life has voiced their concern for me, ever. No one has ever said to me that they wanted me to be safe, I don’t know how to thank you for making me feel safe and loved.”

I caress the side of her face “I’ll always love you, but why did you go outside?”

“I put the ‘Do not disturb’ sign on the door.” She raises her hand and puts it on mine.

“Why?”

“I didn’t want anyone to walk in on us while we are talking about my brother; we need to talk about my brother and what we are going to do about him, because honestly I don’t know what we are going to do, I just know what I want to do.”

After a long back and forth and debating what we are going to do, this is the first time we have ever discussed something in a way that made me feel like I wasn’t just Hope’s girlfriend but that I was her partner, we took both of our opinions into consideration and we made a compromise that both of us were satisfied with. When we went down to dinner we got a few smiles from our teammates and when Pinoe slapped me on the back and proclaimed loudly “I know you are happy to see each other but that was a marathon.”

“Leave them alone Pinoe, it’s not like you don’t do the same with Sara.”

“I’m pretty sure I don’t Abby.”

“I’m pretty sure you do, or did you forget about the time I went with you to Australia, it got so bad I left for the entire night and the two of you didn’t even notice.”

“That’s a little different we hadn’t seen each other in four months, they haven’t seen each other in a month.” I was getting annoyed with them talking about us like we weren’t even there; I took Kelley’s hand and led her to another table. We sat down with Kling, Christie and Barney, I needed some quiet after the long conversation Kelley and I just had. No one seems to be surprised that we sit down and none of them say anything. By the time anyone from the other table realises we aren’t there anymore we are done with dinner.

“Want to go for a walk?” I nod my head and she takes my hand. We walk around for almost half an hour before we sit down on a bench, we don’t say anything and she doesn’t let go of my hand. I’m surprised when she leans her head on my shoulder

“I missed you” she whispers it so softly I almost don’t hear it. I rub the back of her hand with my thumb.

“I missed you.” She lifts her head, looks at me and then leans in. It was a slow long kiss, when it ended we rested our foreheads against each other’s.

“We should go back we have a long day tomorrow.”

“I know, but we won’t have a lot of free time and I just want to enjoy sitting here with you for a little while.”

“Then we will sit here for a little while.” We sat on the bench as long as we could, we barely talked and stole a few kisses her and there. When I went to bed that night I dreamt about winning an Olympic gold medal with Hope standing next to me, the next morning I woke up with a new desire, a desire to make the Olympic team and win that medal.

The camp flew by and before I knew it, it was time to say goodbye to not just my teammates but also Hope. My plane left before hers, I gave her a quick kiss on the lips and then the cheek, she hugged me tightly before letting me go, when I walked through the gate I waved goodbye one last time. When I was busy turning my phone off I got a text from Hope ‘I miss you already, call you when I land.’ I reply before turning my phone off.

When I get home Charlie is waiting for me, he doesn’t look happy at all.

“What’s up Charlie?”

“The police want to talk to you…it’s about your father.” I can see that he already knows what they want to tell me, clearly it is not good news.

“What do they want to tell me?” He hands me a card with a detectives name on it.

“Call him, I have to go now. If you need anything when you’re done just call me.”

“Charlie you’re making me nervous what is going on.” It involves my father so I know it won’t be good news.

“Just call him; I’ll talk to you later.” He leaves me there standing confused looking at the card in my hand; I sigh and walk into my house. I put my clothes in the washer and sit down at the kitchen table I look at the card again. 

“Here goes nothing I guess.” I dial the number and wait for the detective to answer. 

“Detective Jones speaking” I don’t know why I’m so nervous all of a sudden.

“Uhm hi, this is Hope…Solo, I was asked to call you about my father. Jeffery Solo.”

“Yes I was looking for you I actually need you to come down to the station if you don’t mind.”

“Could you tell me what this is all about?”

“It’s like you said, it’s about your father.” I don’t like the fact that he doesn’t want to tell me what is going on. But I know I have to go.

“Okay I’ll be there.” I look down at my watch it’s one already, I’m really tired and I just want to get this over with. “Can you meet me at two?”

“I will see you at two.” He doesn’t even say goodbye before hanging up, I decide that I don’t like him, he seems like an asshole. I drink some water and get into my car; I drive to the station. It’s just before two when I arrive; I walk up to the front desk.

“Hello, I’m looking for detective Jones.”

“And you are?” I’m starting to get really annoyed I don’t know if it’s because I’m tired or if it’s because everyone else is, but everyone I’ve talked to have been rude.

“Hope Solo, I’m here to see detective Jones.” He looks at me like I’m telling him there are no more donuts left.

“Down the hall third door on your right, if he’s not there he should be here soon.” He goes back to scribbling on his paper without another look at me.

“Thanks for nothing.” I mumble; I walk down to hall to detective Jones’s office I knock on the door and I hear “Come in.” 

When I open the door I’m surprised to see how young he is, he sounded like he was close to retiring, I knew this was going to be a stupid question but I don’t know what else to say since I don’t really know why I’m here.

“Are you detective Jones?”

“Yes, you must be Ms. Solo, come in, sit down.” I go inside and sit down he opens a file and I’m just sitting there waiting for him, after what feels like minutes I ask“Why am I here?” 

He puts down the file and without answering me he asks “When was the last time you saw or spoke to your father?” I feel like this is happening right now.

“I haven’t seen or heard from him since the last time I reported him to you guys, which was, I think about six years ago. Just tell me what the hell this is about.”

“Your father is the main suspect in the murder of a police officer, who coincidentally lives a few blocks from where you live.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“Do you think that I had anything to do with that?”

“Well did you?”

“I don’t believe this, what on earth makes you think that I had anything to do with it? Firstly I never, and will never trust my father nor ask him for anything ever.   
Secondly I had no idea that there was a police officer living anywhere near me, and lastly why would I even be involved in something like that.”

“Look these are just questions that I have to ask, I don’t think you have anything to do with it, but where were you on Thursday evening?”

“I was in Los Angeles at a training camp, with more than 30 other people who saw me, who I was with for the whole week. I just got back today.”

“Ok, this goes without saying but if you see or hear from your father contact me as soon as you can.” I can’t believe that this was why I had to come to the station but what has me more worried than anything else is that my father seems to be back in Seattle, I know it’s no coincidence that he killed someone close to where I lived. I’m pretty sure it’s his way of telling me he is here.  
“That’s it?” He seems confused at my questions.

“Well is there anything else you want to tell me.”

“No but I would like to know that I am safe. The last time I even saw my father he held me hostage for almost a week and then he tried to kill me. Am I just supposed to go home and wait for something to happen?”

“Look there is no indication that you are in danger.”

“Are you kidding me, he is back in Seattle that should be evidence enough.”

“There is nothing I can do in the current situation. You need to be able to prove that you are in danger before there is anything I can do, anything the police can do.”

“This is bullshit, I know he is going to try something, he could never let anyone be happy especially not his kids; and I have to just wait around for him to try something, what if he doesn’t just try, what if he succeeds.”

“I really am sorry I can’t help you right now.”

“Everyone is just fucking useless, why the hell are you even a cop.” I leave without another word; there is nothing he can do for me anyway. When I get back into my car I slam my hands against the steering wheel, the only thing going through my mind is ‘What the hell does he want this time.’ On my drive home it occurs to me that I can’t really go home, he knows where I live. I call Charlie and I can hear he has been waiting for my call.

“You knew didn’t you?”

“They asked me a few questions, I pretty much figured out the rest.”

“I need somewhere else to stay; I can’t stay at my house he knows where I live.”

“You can stay as long as you want.”

“I’m going to go grab some stuff from my house, can I come right over or are you busy?”

“You know where the spare key is, just let yourself in and help yourself to anything you want, I’ll be back later, I still have some stuff to do.”

“Ok, thanks Charlie.”

“Hope…”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t forget to call Kelley.”

“I won’t, I’ll call her when I’m at your place.” When I get home I take a look around, everything seems normal. I slowly open my door and walk through the whole house, there is no one here. I take a deep breath; I go into my room and grab a bag. I fill it with some clothes I take out the clothes that were in the washing machine, before checking the fridge to see if there is anything I need to get rid of. I set my alarm before I leave and I call Kelley as soon as I get to Charlie’s.

“I’m coming up; I don’t want you to be alone.” I don’t want her to come if my father is here, she will just be in danger.

“I don’t want you to come.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Babe I know you care, but if he is here and if he does want to do something I don’t want you to get hurt. I’ll think of something.”

“So it’s ok for you to get hurt, but I can’t.”

“That’s not what I mean, I just don’t want to be the reason you are in danger. I just I don’t want to be responsible if something does happen okay.”

“You won’t be responsible, he will. I’m coming.”

“Kelley, please don’t come; I’m begging you. I will be careful I promise I’m staying at Charlie’s and if there is anything out of the ordinary I will call the police. Plus there is nothing you can really do about it, if he wants to hurt me he’ll do it with or without you here, I’ll feel better if I know you’re safe.” I can hear her sigh she knows I’m right.

“Fine, what about your brother are you still going to look for him with everything else that has happened?”

“All I have to do is find a private detective, he will do the rest. I’m really tired and I need to get settled in Charlies’ place, I’ll call you tonight.”

“You better call me tonight, and please be careful.”

“I promise.”

“And thank Charlie for me.”

“I will, I love you.”

“I love you, now go take a nap and call me later.” I hated that she was right, there really wasn’t anything I could do if I did go to Seattle and right now I don’t think Hope needs any more stress in her life worrying about me just isn’t going to be good for her. Since I’m tired too I decide that I should take a nap too, and when I wake up it won’t be too long before Hope will call me.

When I wake up I’m surprised to see that I have been asleep for an hour, I grab my phone thinking that Hope would probably have called already. I’m a little perturbed when there are no calls or text, a nap for Hope is never this long, it’s usually just 20 minutes. I decide to send a text to Hope not wanting to wake her up if she is still sleeping; but as the day wears on and I still don’t hear anything from her I start to get worried, I try calling a few times but her phone just keeps ringing. I then decide to call Charlie when he doesn’t answer either I start to freak out; I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what is going on it has been hours and I haven’t heard anything from Hope or Charlie. 

When I wake up from my nap I’m pretty hungry, when I walk to the kitchen I hear the TV and assume that Charlie is back. I yell in the direction of the living room  
“Hey Charlie do you want a sandwich?” I hear some shuffling followed by footsteps. I open the fridge and start looking for things I can put on my sandwich.

“This will be a first.” As soon as I hear his voice; a chill goes down my spine. I shut the door and standing in Charlie’s kitchen is my father. How did he get in here I run to get my phone from upstairs but I lose control of my legs as soon as he hits me with a taser. It hurts more than I thought it would and I can’t move at all, it’s even hard to breathe.

“That’s not very nice I thought you were going to make me a sandwich.” I try to say something but it just comes out as some weird mumbling. In the distance I hear my phone ringing, I can see my father walking to the room I was sleeping in he comes back with my phone he puts it right in front of my face and I can see it’s Kelley calling, I try to move but it’s still too hard.

“Who is this pretty lady?” I don’t want him to know how important Kelley is, but the picture gives a good enough indication that we are more than just friends.   
“She sent you a text message too, let’s read it shall we?” He puts on a girly voice when he reads it.

“Call me when you get this, hope you feel better. Well isn’t that sweet; are you feeling better?” He crouches down so I can see his face “I guess not.” I ties my hands and drags me to the living room.

“When do you think your buddy Charlie is going to show up?” Even though I’m sure I can talk I don’t reply. My phone rings again and I can see it’s Kelley again, I know she has to be worried, I just wish her worries weren’t justified. The front door opens and Charlie walks in the colour immediately drains from his face when he sees me and my father.

“Charlie we were just talking about you, come in and sit down.” Charlie tries to get out of the house but he stops when he hears the click of the gun; I can’t see it but that sound is just unmistakable. When I turn my head I can see it is pointed right at me.

“Come on Charlie don’t be rude.” Charlie comes back into the room my father points to the couch as soon as he sits down my father hits him with the butt of his gun. As Charlie is lying on the floor I can see blood streaming down the side of his face. My phone rings again and as soon as it stops ringing Charlie’s phone starts ringing.

“The two of you really are popular today. But now that Charlie is here we can get down to business.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh well there you go, hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'm not sure when I'll be able to write and post the next chapter. Going home then traveling a bit for my vacation. I have started the next chapter if it's not up somewhere this week it will most likely only be posted in September (apologies if this does happen) but I will try my best to get it done before shutting off for vacation.


	44. My old man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks SwanQueenx for fixing all my mistakes. But like I said before; this will probably be the last chapter for a while, vacation and traveling is going to keep me a little busy, but I'll try to get the next chapter done in September.

“What do you want?” I just want him to go so I can help Charlie; he’s still just lying on the ground dried blood on the side of his face, some on the floor.

“What’s the rush, don’t you want to spend some time with your old man?” He has always acted weird but I have never seen him act like this, he’s acting maniacal.

“Spending time with you means being tied up, and looking at my friends getting hurt, so no I really don’t want to spend time with you. Can you just take what you want and leave.” He leans down so we are face to face.

“Do you know what I liked the most about you when you were young?”

“That I was small?” He smiles, “That when I looked at you, I could see the fear in your eyes; they would go a little wider as I got closer and your chest would start to move faster and faster, I could hear you breathing and it just, well it turned me on.” I feel sick when he tells me this.

“What do you want?” 

“I want to see that same fear in your eyes, I’ve missed it.” The look on his face as he says this chills me to my core; this is not good, I thought he just wanted money. A smile spreads across his face and I know I’m giving him exactly what he wants.

\--------

After calling everyone I can think of, as well as the police, I grab my keys and head to the airport. I don’t care that I said I wasn’t going to come, something is wrong and I know it. I’m pretty lucky I don’t have to wait long for a flight to Seattle; but it still feels like the longest wait and flight of my life. I practically run out of the airport when I finally arrive.

\---------

My body hurt all over, I’m pretty sure he broke some of my ribs, my lip felt like there was a pea shoved into it and it was hard to see out of my left eye. When he comes back with a bottle of water I feel a little hopeful that he will give me some; he must have seen me staring at the water because he downs it in one gulp.

“That was refreshing.” He points to Charlie and asks, “Do you think he is still alive?” He prods Charlie with his foot but nothing, I’m scared that Charlie may really be dead, he doesn’t seem to be breathing but I’m too far away to really see him. My father walks back to me

“Does this remind you of when you were young? Cause it does me, Charlie is like your mother the first time she tried to stop me from beating you and your brother; she never tried again after that. He kicks me in the stomach and pain shoots through my entire body, it’s hard to breathe and move, he lifts up my face and stares into my eyes.

“I think we’re almost there.” I don’t know what he is looking for, but I’m sure he is only doing this for fun there is nothing else he can get out of this. He keeps talking and asking me questions but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of hearing the fear in my voice; even though I don’t want to admit it I think is going to kill me. That thought alone sends a shot of adrenaline through my body, he has his back turned to me so I get up even though it is slowly and I rush at him he turns around just as I hit him. I make sure to hit him with my shoulder as hard as I can; we fall through the coffee table in the living room the glass shatters and it breaks from the force we hit it with. I’m completely spent and I’m finding it even harder to breathe, I lift my head when I hear this strange gargling sound, my father starts to shake, before he pushes me off him. I can feel the pieces of glass cut into me; but it’s too painful to try and move anymore, when I look at my father I finally understand where the sound is coming from. He has his hands on his throat trying to stop the bleeding, but there is nothing he can do blood is pouring out of his neck and mouth. It feels like an eternity with him standing there bleeding all over before he drops to his knees and then he keels over. 

\-------

I don’t even bother going to Hope’s house I know she will be at Charlie’s; I start to panic when I see Hope’s and Charlie’s cars in the driveway. If they are both here why aren’t the answering their phones, I throw some money at the taxi driver and run to the door. I knock on the door as hard as I can, I yell out for both Hope and Charlie but still nothing. I run to the side of the house trying to look into the windows, most of the curtains are drawn and I can’t see anything I knock on a few windows still nothing, there is an eerie quiet to the house which makes me feel even more anxious. I try to call Hope again and when I hear the phone ringing I knew I had to do whatever I could to get inside. I run to the closest window and look around when I see a rock I throw it through the window, I pull off my shirt and wrap it around my hand to hit the window shards so I don’t cut myself when I climb through. Once inside I can feel my heart rate increase it was creepy outside but it’s ten times creepier inside; it’s way too dark for the hour and it’s too quiet I feel like I can hear my own blood rush through my veins. I walk slowly to the next room I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear a sound, it sounded like broken glass being moved; I look around and grab the broom stick that is leaning against the wall. I hear a crunch under my foot when I step into the next room I look down to see a small shard of glass, I walk further into the room I grip the broom tighter when I see a pair of feet I move quickly into the room. 

My heart jumps into my throat when I see Hope lying there her face is swollen there is blood all over, I can see someone else lying close to her surrounded by blood I rush over, I want to touch her to see if she is still alive but there are bruises all over and I don’t want to hurt her. Tears sting my eyes as I look closely at her.

“Hope” It comes out in a whisper I look down at her hand there are cuts on her arm but I still put my hands on her arm, it’s warm which gives me a little bit of hope. 

“Hope.” It comes out louder this time, but she still doesn’t move no one does, tears start to roll down my cheeks “Hope!” I feel this immense sense of relief when I see her one eye flutter. I grab my phone and call 911, I give them as much information as I can but I don’t dare leave Hope’s side. When I hear the sirens in the distance more tears start to roll down my cheeks, when the police and paramedics arrive, I’m bawling uncontrollably. I don’t really know what is going on but I make sure to be in the ambulance with her; I hold her hand as gently as I can, with the mask over her face I can see she is breathing but it seems shallow and irregular. I’m relieved when we finally arrive at the hospital; until I’m pushed back to the side and told that I can’t go with her anymore. I knew this was coming but leaving her right now is killing me, I try to fight my way into the room but I’m held back by security guards. When they rush out of the room and I hear surgery all the energy I had instantly leaves me. I don’t know how I end up in the waiting room or for how long I’ve been there, it feels like an eternity. 

When the police show up to talk to me I’m fuming mad, I called them and they refused to do anything, what if she doesn’t make it.

“You could have stopped this if you had only listened to me! What are you going to do if she dies! I’ll fucking kill all of you!” 

“Ma’am, please calm down.”

“I’m not going to calm down, you could have been at the house hours ago, instead I have to fly from New York to Seattle, how long was she lying there bleeding in pain. How long was Charlie lying there.” This is the first time that I actually realise I don’t even know what happened to Charlie “Where is Charlie?” The looks on their faces tell me it’s not good news.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but the other two people who were in the house are deceased.” I can’t believe what I’m hearing, Charlie is dead, for all I know Hope could be dead too; my heart is beating wildly in my chest I can’t breathe I try to but I just can’t, I see the officer trying to help me but I can’t hear anything the side of my vision starts to go dark and soon everything is dark.

When I wake up I’m in room on a bed, at first I don’t know where I am or what is going on and then it all hits me, I look around and try to get up but I stop as soon as I realise that I’m not the only one in the room. Hope is here with me, her face is swollen and bruised she has bandages all along her arms; I get up slowly unsure if this is real or not. I reach out my hand slowly but I’m too scared to touch her, I don’t want to hurt her; I can see she is breathing better than before. When she opens her one eye to look at me I burst out in tears, I’m so glad she is still here with me; I think she tries to smile but soon it turns into a grimace. She lifts her hand towards me and I hold onto it, I move slowly next to her.

“Hey.” I say in a soft voice tears welling up in my eyes, I put my other hand on the side of her face; the side that doesn’t seem to have as much bruising. 

“Hi” I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as I am right now to hear her say that. I lightly rub the side of her face making sure to not touch anywhere that is bruised or cut, she doesn’t ask me to stop or grimace so I keep my movements slow and soft. She closes her eye, the other one is swollen shut.

“Don’t leave me.” I don’t even know why she would say that.

“I’m going to be right here, I’m not going to leave your side.”

“I’m really tired Kell.”

“Get some rest; I’ll be here when you wake up.” I move my hand to the top of her head and gently brush my fingers through her hair. “I’ll be here.” I stay in this position for a long time, when I think she is asleep I remove my hand from hers. I move the chair that was against the wall next to her bed I sit down and take her hand in mine again. When the doctor comes in Hope is still asleep, I’ve been waiting all day just to find out if she will be okay.

“Is she going to be okay?” The doctor looks at me, “Who are you?”

“I’m her girlfriend.” The doctor shakes his head.

“She’s really beat up, I don’t know how she made it to the hospital in the condition she was in; right now she’s stable and that is really good.”

“She woke up before, it was only for a little while but she was awake, is that good?”

“That is really good.” He checks her chart, he scribbles something down. 

“What injuries does she have; I…I just…don’t want to hurt her.”

“What you are doing is fine, you won’t hurt her, just don’t give her a hug; she has 4 broken ribs, and we had to remove her spleen; it was just bleeding too much. If she wakes up again let me know okay.” I just nod my head and he leaves the room, over the next couple of hours nurses come in and out of the room, the check her vitals and the IV bag before leaving again. I don’t, but I fall asleep, when I wake up the sun is up and there are police officers waiting outside of her room. When I stand up I feel her tug at my hand. I look back at her and I’m relieved to see she is awake.

“Hey there.” 

“Thank you for staying.”

“There is nowhere else I would rather be.” She looks into my eyes.

“Is Charlie okay?” She is looking at me expecting to give her good news, and I wish I could tell her that he was okay but he’s not. I still can’t believe that he’s dead, the tears in my eyes are a dead give-away. She starts crying too.

“Did they get him? Is…he’s in jail right.” I have no idea how to tell her that her father is dead too.

“No, he…died too.” I see a flicker of what I can only describe as happiness in her eyes; before it is replaced by uncertainty.

“You’re absolutely sure?”

“Yes.”

“Thank god.” There is a smile on her face; this is not what I was expecting, I don’t really know what I was expecting but this wasn’t it. The happiness is quickly replaced with sadness again; she sees the police outside.

“What do they want?”

“I don’t know.” When they notice that both of us are looking at them they come to the door and ask “Can we come in? We have a few questions for Ms. Solo.” I look back at her and she nods her head; I’m still angry at them for not listening to me when I first called them but I’m mostly just relieved that she is doing okay. I stand up from the chair and move so I’m right next to her.

“Ms. Solo I’m Officer Gordon and this is my partner Officer Sanchez, we would like to ask you a few questions about what happened yesterday.” She doesn’t reply she just nods her head.

“Okay, can you tell us why you were at Mr. Knox’s house?” She ruefully stares at them.

“Maybe you should ask detective Jones that question.” They shift a little uncomfortably; even I could feel the chill in her voice. She’s already looking really tired again.

“Ma’am please just answer the question.”

“I was there because my father was back in town, and he had sent a clear message that he was there for me.”

“What kind of message.”

“The kind where he kills a police officer that lives in the same neighbourhood as me, I went to Charlie’s because I didn’t think he knew where he lived. Clearly I was wrong.”

“Do you know what he was looking for?”

“I have no idea, but he was acting crazy, crazier than usual.”

“Can you tell us how he managed to…do this to you?”

“He used a taser gun, and then he tied me up.”

“Why didn’t Charlie help?”

“He wasn’t there yet.” I can hear her voice change; there is clearly a lump in her throat. “When he got there my father pulled out a gun. He hit Charlie with it and….uhm Charlie never…he didn’t get up after that.” She clears her throat but I can see the tears forming in her eyes.

“Can you tell us what happened after that?”

“My…uhm, father started talking about when we were kids…when he used to beat us…he said…he uhm, he said he wanted to see the same fear in my eyes. And then…he…he started beating me. I thought I was going to die…he turned his back to me…and I uhm, I stood up and ran towards him. I hit him as hard as I could with my shoulder; we fell through the table, he got cut by the glass and that is all I remember.”

“Do you know how he found you?”

“No.”

“Do you remember when Ms. O’Hare arrived?”

“I just told you I don’t remember anything after hitting the table. I’m feeling really tired right now, I think I’m going to sleep.”

“Of course ma’am, thank you for answering our questions.”

“No problem.” They turn to leave and I’m surprised when Hope asks a question.

“Am I going to be charged?”

“That’s up to DA’s office.” For the first time I saw fear in her eyes. The officers left and I went back to my seat.

“What if I get charged with murder or something?”

“Nothing’s happened yet; try and get some rest, you look tired.”

“Gee thanks.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” She sighs. 

“I know, I guess I’m a little cranky too.”

“Seriously babe, get some rest and I’ll be here when you wake up.” She turns to look at me.

“You should eat something while I’m asleep, I don’t want you starving. And don’t forget to call your sister and parents; they’ll be worried about you.” I have no idea how she knows that I haven’t been talking to my parents or sister, but she’s right I should tell them what happened.

“Once you are asleep I promise I will.”

I call my parents first; it was harder than I thought it would to tell them about what happened; when I call my sister I’m already in tears before she even answers the phone. Her reaction goes from alarmed to sympathetic when I tell her what happened; they all asked about Hope and how she was doing. It made me realise that even though I was with her I don’t really know how she is doing; she seems fine, but I know she can’t be; not after what happened. I want to ask; but I’m also afraid of what she will say, what her reaction may be. I peek into her room and I’m relieved to see that she is still asleep; I walk to the cafeteria and grab something to eat; it’s just a sandwich and some coffee but it makes me feel a thousand times better; I didn’t realise how much I needed food until I actually ate something. I slowly walk back to her room, I quietly enter and take my seat next to her, she even looks fine while she is sleeping, no twitching or bad dreams; she just looks peaceful. After about half an hour she starts to wake up, she looks at me but there is no smile on her face.

“How are you doing? Feeling better?”

“We need to have a funeral for Charlie, he has no one left.” That is not what I was expecting at all.

“Are you sure you want to do that?”

“No, but who else is going to do it?” I have no answer for her question.

“I don’t know.” I don’t know how long we just sit there but I guess it was my turn to fall asleep. When I wake up I start to panic when Hope isn’t in the room, I rush to the door and look around; nothing. I run up to the nurses’ station

“Do you know what happened to Hope?”

“Who?”

“The patient in room 402.” She looks down before answering me.

“There is nothing written down, I think she just went for a walk.”

“How can you not know where your patient is?” As soon as I say it I feel bad about it.

“I’m sorry I’m just worried. Could you let me know if you see her?” I give her my number so she can call or text me. 

“Sure.” 

“Thank you; I’m sorry if it’s extra work for you.” I hope she will actually let me know when she sees Hope she doesn’t seem too thrilled with me right now. I go in search of Hope; I start by looking on the floor we are on, maybe she just needed to get out of her room. When I don’t find her walking around I go outside, to the hospital garden; it’s not much but I’m sure if you are stuck inside for a couple of days this would look like paradise. I see her sitting on a bench under a tree; I walk up slowly not wanting to disturb her. She acknowledges my presence by scooting over enough for me to sit down.

“Next time try and leave a note, I didn’t know where you were.”

“I’m sorry, I just needed to get out of the room for a little while, it was suffocating me.” I gently touch her hand with mine.

“What are you thinking about?”

“I’m trying not to.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Do you want to hear about it?” She seems genuinely interested in my answer, I don’t know what the right answer is, I kind of already know what happened since I was there when she talked to the police; but I know that’s not what she wants to talk about.

“I want to know what you’re thinking.”

“I’m not so much thinking as feeling.”

“Then tell me, what are you feeling?”

“I’m happy and relieved, I feel lighter than I have ever felt in my entire life; I feel like I can breathe without wondering when the other shoe is going to drop.” I wait for her to continue “I’m sad about Charlie but it’s eclipsed by this feeling of happiness coming from the fact that my father is no longer on this earth and that I was the one that made that happen; it makes me unbelievably happy; does that make me a bad person?” I’m a little shocked right now.

“I don’t think it makes you a bad person; I think it makes you pretty normal; a person that caused you immense pain and suffering, someone that took so much away from you, died. I think there would be something wrong with you if you didn’t feel some happiness and relief.”

“He didn’t just die, I killed him.”

“But you didn’t murder him, there is a difference.”

“In that moment I wanted him to die, is there still a difference.”

“I can’t tell you if you murdered him, only you can answer that question. But I believe that you didn’t.” When she looks at me there is something in her eye; a glint of hope and relief; I’m not completely sure why. “I’m going to be here with you no matter what.”

After a couple of days Hope gets discharged, and on the same day we get the news that she won’t be charged either they see it as self-defence; I’m not going to lie it’s a big relief to know that it won’t be hanging over our heads the whole time. Unfortunately the media still found out about it and have been trying to get into the hospital ever since trying to get a picture or video of Hope. Now they are all camped outside the hospital waiting for us to emerge, I’m glad we called Pinoe, because just as I am wondering if this is the best way to get home she pulls up with a big SUV with tinted windows. It almost looks like she is going to drive through the front door that’s how close she stops to the front door.   
Usually I find Pinoe really funny but lately it’s been hard for me to find the joy in daily life, the happiness of my father’s death has finally worn off and now I’m filled with this empty raw feeling of actually losing the person who was like a father to me; Charlie is gone but I still feel like I’m going to see him in the office or go to his house and have dinner, but he’s not there anymore. I don’t know how I’m going to get through his funeral; it’s even harder to think that it is tomorrow.

I’m worried about Hope, she didn’t say a word through the whole funeral she barely spoke this morning and right now she is just staring out of the window. She didn’t cry, she hasn’t cried since she heard about Charlie, I know she’s sad I can see it; I just don’t know why she won’t let it out. When we get back to her house she sits down on the couch; when Leo comes padding up with his head low, she pats him for a while before lying down on the couch. I’ve been waiting all day for her to just talk to me; but now I’m done waiting

“Would you just talk to me please?”

“About what?”

“Look at you, you’re lying on the couch after going to Charlie’s funeral, where you didn’t cry once and you have absolutely nothing to say; I find that hard to believe.”

“Just because I didn’t cry doesn’t mean that I’m not upset or sad.”

“I know, I just want to know why; I see yourself pulling back every time I think you are going to cry; why?”

“If I cry it’s real, he’s really dead and I really have to mourn him.” I sit down next to her.

“Babe, he really is gone and you really do need to mourn. You don’t have to cry if you don’t want to, but you just have to do something, anything.” I have never seen her this sad and when tears start to stream down her face I feel a sense of relief, finally she is letting it out. I don’t know how long I held her, but she eventually cries herself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I decided to have mercy and not end it in a cliff hanger. As always let me know what you think.


	45. Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SwanQueenx did it again!! Thanks for being the beta. Yes I'm aware that I said there wouldn't be an update until September but I got this done before my vacation actually started. But the next update will definitely be somewhere in September. Also for this chapter let's just pretend that the Olympics are in July and not in August.

Everyone could see her walls going back up, she was retreating from team activities again, she was reading more instead of going out, she was barely speaking at breakfast, lunch and dinner. During team meetings she would sit in the back and avoid eye contact, lately she is even putting on her earphones when she is walking around in the hotel. 

We are at the Olympics and everyone knows Hope is here solely based on how good she is at her job and not because she is fitting in really well with the team at the moment. I’ve tried to get her to talk to me, Carli and Ali have tried too; she keeps saying that she is fine that there is nothing to talk about. When we try to talk about Charlie or that night she completely shuts down, refusing to look at anyone or say anything. Even the press have asked her some questions but she completely ignores them and only answers soccer related questions.

It got a little worse after the first match, when France scored within minutes of each other, she blamed herself for not being focused enough; and since then she has been on a different level. She’s been so good that tomorrow we’ll be playing in the final. I was feeling excited, nervous and scared; excited for being in the final with the team again, nervous because I just want to get on the field to play, and scared that with everything going on Hope might start to lose it or even worse she’ll completely shut everyone out; I just wanted it to be over. Before the Olympics started I would never have guessed that I would be wishing for it to be over; I want to be able to help Hope, but here, there are too many distractions, too many things that we have to focus on. 

I have never felt like this during a match, I feel like there is not enough air in the stadium, like it’s a hundred degrees and I can’t drink enough water. My heart is racing and my breath is laboured but my eyes are glued on the ball; no matter what that ball is not going into the back of the net. I don’t feel much when we score first I know there is a lot that can go wrong, and I’ll be damned if we have a repeat of the World Cup final. I feel relieved when we score another goal, we have a bit of a cushion; it feels like a few minutes later when the Japanese are running towards my goal, I steady myself, I tug my shorts up quickly, I start to bounce on the tips of my feet my hands are at my side; I know that I’m ready. I stop breathing for a few seconds when the ball hits the net, I curse under my breath while getting up and retrieving the ball from the back of the net, I throw it out towards my teammates knowing that the Japanese will throw everything they have at us and I can’t afford to make a mistake again. For a big part of the game we are in the Japanese half but they break through and are on the counter attack. This is it, time is almost up, if they score now then there will be extra time to play I don’t want that and I know that no one on the team wants that. She shoots, I jump my arm in the air, I exhale when I feel the ball hit my hand I know it’s not going to go in.

I feel a weight fall of my shoulders when the final whistle blows, we did it, we won. I haven’t smiled like this in months, I haven’t felt this happy since my father showed up; but here we are Olympic champions and I know that Charlie would be happy and proud like a father should be. I’m tackled by a bunch of my teammates we are all hugging and jumping around. I feel Kelley before I see her, I hug her tightly and I feel tears sting my eyes

“We did it, we actually did it!!” she shouts in my ear.

“We sure did.” My voice cracked and Kelley’s head snaps up to look at me.

“You’re crying! I’m so happy you’re crying.” She hugs me even tighter than before.

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When I wake up the next morning for a few seconds I don’t know where I am, my head is throbbing and I notice that I’m naked. I squint when I look around the room; a smile crosses my face when I see Hope next to me. I don’t really remember anything after we got off the bus but it must have been a good night, when I move to get up my headache increases. 

“Urg.” I hate this part why did I have to drink so much, I throw a towel around me, I have no idea why it was lying on the floor but I don’t want to risk walking around naked in someone’s room. When I walk into the bathroom I nearly scream, Sydney and Pinoe are asleep in the bath tub; I tip toe around looking for some kind of asprin anything that will be able to help me with my headache. When I don’t find anything I walk back to the room and down a bottle of water, I feel a little better but the light coming in from between the curtains is killing me slowly. I close it properly and get back in bed, that’s when I realise Sydney and Pinoe are in the bathroom; where they there the whole time? Did they hear us? Was there anything to hear? My head starts to hurt I need to stop thinking about this. Hope stirs and I hear her groan.

“Welcome to the club.” She turns around; I kiss her on the shoulder before snuggling into her. Might as well go back to sleep while I can.

“Why are you’re feet cold?” It’s a little hard to make out what she says with her face pressed into the pillow.

“I was looking for some asprin in the bathroom.”

“Mmmmmmm” I smile before I fall asleep.

I vaguely remember waking up and talking with Kelley, asking her about her feet, I think; but right now I don’t know why I’m awake and why my head is killing me I don’t like getting drunk so I rarely drink a lot. When I hear a sound I lift my head to look at what is making it; I see Sydney and Pinoe standing in the room looking at me, their eyes as big as saucers. I frown.

“What are you doing?” They both burst out laughing and Kelley’s head pops up

“Wha? Who s’it?” She looks around when she sees Sydney and Pinoe, I don’t know why but she suddenly pulls the sheet up. 

“What are you doing?” She looks at me and whispers.

“We’re naked and they can see us.” I look down and realise that she is right, we are naked.

“What the hell happened last night?” Then it hits me like a ton of bricks Sydney and Pinoe are in the same room as us. I look at them, almost scared to ask. 

“Were you here the whole time?” They are still snickering.

“That depends, what exactly do you mean by the whole time.” That is all I needed to know.

“Just get out before I really lose my temper.” They are practically howling with laughter when they leave the room.

“Did that just really happen?” Kelley laughs

“Since we can’t remember anything maybe they can fill us in on what happened.” I look at Kelley and she is laughing so much, tears are streaming down her face; I can’t help myself and I start to laugh too. It feels so good to be laughing like this again, I feel like it has been years since I felt this free, when Kelley puts her hand on my cheek, my laughing turns into giggling.

“You look really happy right now.”

“I am really happy right now.”

“How are you doing?” She runs her hands through my hair.

“I’m happy, I’m really happy we won, I’m extremely happy to be here with you right now; and I know that if Charlie was here he would be really happy for us too.” I smile at her and she returns it.

“I’m glad you’re doing better.” She gives me a peck “Do you know whose room we are in?” I thought we were in my room but now that I’m actually looking around I realise that this isn’t my room, or Kelley’s. 

“Whose room is this? How did we get in here?” Kelley starts laughing again

“I think this may actually be Sydney and Pinoe’s room.” We both start laughing

“Let’s get out of here I need some food and coffee, I’m pretty sure you need it too.”

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It took a few days after the win but Hope finally opened up to me about what was going on with her during the Olympics, I get that she didn’t really realise what was going on with her at the time, it made me realise how lucky I was to be raised by my parents and how different Hope’s life really was from mine. 

I’m sitting on the couch patting Leo on the head thinking that we haven’t really spent any time together to just be us; and I wanted to fix that. We needed a vacation; we deserve one after everything that has happened. I pick up my phone and look at my schedule the soonest opening we have we are going somewhere were there is a beach, surfing and fishing. I feel a little discouraged when I realise that we won’t get a break until a month from now. I groan in frustration.

“What’s wrong Kell?” I nearly jump out of my skin; I didn’t hear her coming in.

“Shit, you scared me, don’t do that.”

“I’m sorry, are you okay though?”

“Yeah I was just thinking about having a vacation with my favourite girl, then I realised we won’t be able to have time off for at least a month.” She leans over the back of the couch and kisses me.

“A vacation does sound amazing; I could do with some peace and quiet.” I throw a pillow at her “Hey, you being there is a given, we’ll just have to work on your quiet mode.” This time I punch her in the arm.

“Ow I’m just kidding; I love you and all your loudness.” She leans over the back of the couch again trying to get a kiss but I deny her, just when she starts to pull away I turn and pull her close. 

“You know I have been sitting her waiting for you to get back.” Our faces are inches apart.

“Really? Why’s that?” She leans in to kiss me but I turn her head and kiss her neck.

“I’ve been wanting to do that since you left.” She moves her head to give me more room and I take the opportunity, she moans softly; it gives me goose bumps all over. She climbs over the back of the sofa and now we’re sitting face to face, her eyes a dark shade of blue, her pupils dilated. I vaguely hear Leo’s paws as he retreats; Hope pulls me forcefully towards her, as we kiss she leans backwards until she’s lying on her back with me on top of her. It’s getting really heated when I become aware of a vibration in my back pocket; Hope moves her hand when she feels it vibrating too. We don’t stop kissing but my phone does stop vibrating only to start again after a few seconds, Hope pulls away and I groan this better be important. I’m surprised when I see Captain America flashing on my screen, she doesn’t really call me this must be important.

“Hey Cap, what’s up?”

“Kelley! Where the hell are you? Everyone is waiting for you at the airport.”

“What! Why?”

“Because we’re leaving for Jersey today, in an hour.”

“No, we’re leaving tomorrow.”

“Kelley we’re leaving today.”

“Oh shit, I’m coming I’ll be right there.” I look at Hope and ask “You’ll be able to get me to the airport in 40 minutes right?” She just shakes her head “Okay we’re coming.” I try to put some of my stuff in my bag.

“Just go I’ll send it to you; we’re not going to make it if you have to pack first.”

Kelley has a mini freak out in the car and I reassure her that we’ll make it with time to spare; I’m just relieved that she doesn’t know Seattle well enough to realise that we aren’t going to the airport. When I stop outside of her favourite restaurant she looks at me confused. 

“We don’t have time to stop for food; I’m going to miss my flight.”

“Kelley your flight is tomorrow.” I get out of the car and open her door for her.

“No, cap said everyone was waiting for me at the airport.” I step aside and she sees her teammates from Sky Blue, and a few from the national team. 

“What is this?” I lean down and kiss her. 

“Happy birthday Kell.” She looks at me confused.

“It’s not my birthday.”

“Yes it is, and everyone here wants to celebrate with you, so get out of the car and let’s go eat some steak.”

“Holy shit, it’s my birthday!” Kelley practically leaps out of the car and runs towards everyone.

“Let’s get some steak!!”

I’m having a good time, I can’t believe I actually forgot my birthday; this is one of my favourite days of the year. I’m eating and drinking way too much but the steak here is so good and it makes the wine taste so much better. I’m also happy to see that I’m not the only one having a good time Hope seems more relaxed around our teammates than I’ve seen her in a while. I start to lose track but I don’t know how much I’ve eaten or drunk I just know it’s a lot; I know I ate a lot of food because I have a gigantic food baby and I know I’ve drunk too much wine because I’m way too touchy feely with Hope for such a public place. I always get a little handsy when I get drunk but on the plus side she doesn’t seem to mind so I’m not going to stop. 

“Okay I think it’s time we say goodbye before Kelley rips Hope’s clothes off right here.”

“Hey now, don’t tease the birthday girl; but Pinoe is right we should leave before everyone gets a show.”

Kelley hugs everyone and she’s shouting quite a bit, but then again she is drunk so that’s not too surprising, Kelley always gets louder when she’s drunk. I start to get a little impatient so I drag her to the car and wave goodbye to everyone, it’s getting late and trying to get Kelley to fall asleep is going to be a mission by itself. I soon realise that getting Kelley to fall asleep tonight is not going to be the only mission of the night; she keeps pulling me towards her and trying to kiss me, soon her hands start roaming and it’s extremely hard to stay focused on driving.

“Kell you need to stop that or we won’t get home in one piece.” Her hands stop and she leans over to me, her mouth inches from my ear.

“The quicker we get home the quicker I can make you scream my name.” My mouth goes completely dry, but I’m pretty sure that is the quickest I have ever gotten home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, I hope you enjoyed it. Lemme know what you think!


	46. The playoffs and going home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long guys, I was busy but on the plus side it's a super long chapter, nothing too exciting though. Thanks again to SwanQueenx for being the beta.

Sky Blue didn’t make it to the playoffs again, we were all disappointed but determined to come back better next season. I was busy packing my things, I was going to watch Hope and some of my teammates play in the playoffs before going home for a visit. On my way to the airport I got a text from Hope ‘Hello gorgeous, I won’t be able to pick you up at the airport, we have an interview after training. I will see you at home. Love you.’ I was a bit disappointed that I wouldn’t get to see her as soon as I get there, then I realised that I don’t have a key to get into the house. I send a quick text explaining my predicament as well as complaining about the interview, even though I know she doesn’t really have a choice but it doesn’t make me hate it any less. The only reply I get is ‘Spare key is in the black locked box that looks like a big lock, it’s locked on the side of the garage. The code is 1024. See you tonight, let me know what you want for dinner.’ She knows me too well, food will always get her off the hook, but I don’t know what I want yet. ‘I don’t know yet, I will let you know when I get there. Almost at the airport see you tonight. Love you.’

I can’t help but smile when I read Kelley’s text. I’m so happy she decided to come to Seattle before going home for the holidays. I don’t get too much time to think about tonight, we are called to finish training. After we finish training I grab a quick shower before going to the interview room, I hate interviews but when it’s with a few of my teammates and the coach it makes it so much more bearable; everyone isn’t just looking at me. Through the whole interview I can’t help but glance at the watch on the far wall, I keep thinking about Kelley. She just landed and she should be on her way home right now, traffic will probably be a little busy and she won’t get home for a while; maybe I’ll be able to get home a few minutes after her, that would be great she won’t have to wait too long. I can’t believe it’s already past five I still need to get dinner, when I look at my phone there are a few texts, all from Kelley, basically telling me that she landed and made it home safe and that she wants Indian food for dinner. Luckily I know of a good restaurant that makes the best naan and chicken curry, and maybe the best part is that it’s close to home, if I call now by the time I get there it should be done and still hot when I do get home.  
I find the key exactly where Hope said it would be, when I get inside I’m nearly run over by Leo, I squat down and pet him; his tail is wagging so much that I can hear a thud when it hits the side of the cabinet,

“Leo! Who is my good boy? Who is my good boy? Are you my good boy? Yes you are.” He starts licking my face and It’s fine until he is pushing me back so hard that I fall onto my back. He keeps licking my face until I push him away; he sits down with his tail still wagging. 

“Okay how about we go take a little break on the couch, I know you want a snack.” His tail goes into overdrive “Of course you do, come on buddy let’s go.” I grab snacks for both me and Leo before lying down on the couch flipping through the channels. When I look at the clock it’s already past five, I wonder when Hope will be back, I’m starving already, and I really want some curry. 

I don’t even hear a car but I know Hope is coming when Leo gets of the couch and goes towards the door; he sits down with his tail wagging. When I hear the car pull into the driveway Leo gets on his feet, he can’t stand still and he’s doing this weird dance in front of the door, waiting for it to open, as soon as it does he’s jumping up onto Hope.  
“Leo! Down! Get down.” I can see she has her body slightly turned towards him, trying to keep Leo away from the food. 

“Let me help you.” As soon as I take the food from Hope, Leo is all over her, you would have thought he hadn’t seen her in days not hours. I smile when she pets him. 

“I need to give him his food or we won’t get a minute of peace.” She gets Leo his food and locks him outside. When she comes back into the kitchen I’ve placed the naan on a big plate and I’ve gotten all the utensils out

“Ready?” She smiles at me, then snaps her fingers

“Oh I almost forgot.” When she slides closer to me I almost let out a little laugh but it gets stuck in my throat when I see the look in her eyes.

“Welcome home.” She gives me a kiss and I almost forget about the food, I smile.

“I missed you too, buuut I’m hungry so grab your food and let’s watch something.” She shakes her head.

“Your obsession with food is sometimes alarming.”

“It’s not an obsession, I’m hungry and I need food so my mind is stuck on food, and TV cause you can’t have take-out without TV.” I give her a quick kiss “Now let’s go, I need food and then we can cuddle, I’ve missed being able to lie on someone while watching TV with my belly full of food.”

“Oh I can’t wait to have all your weight on top of me.”

“’Get your mind out of the gutter, I just got here, I’m not that kind of girl.”

“My mind wasn’t in the gutter, but it seems like yours is.” I hear Kelley’s stomach grumble, “You must be starving, why don’t you go ahead and I’ll get you a glass of wine.”  
“Wine? Since when are you so fancy?”

“Just go already.” I take a deep breath, I know she’ll say yes but I still have to ask, I get the glasses pour in some wine, I drink some before filling it up again, I tap my pocket to make sure it’s still in there, I take one last deep breath before going to the living room. 

Kelley is sitting on the couch clearly waiting for me.

“What?”

“I don’t want you to miss anything”

“Of what?”

“The movie.”

“Okay, what are we watching?”

“Mean girls, my favourite!” 

“It could have been worse.” I put down the glass of wine “Here, I hope you like it.” When she barely glances at the glass I push it closer towards her “Why don’t you take a sip?”

“I haven’t eaten anything yet, I’ll drink some a little later.” I barely contain the groan, why is she making this so hard.

“Kelley could you please take a sip and tell me if you like it?”

“What is….Oh, is that a…key?”

“I want you to have a key, I want you to move in with me, I want this to be our home.”

“Hope?”

“I know you don’t play here and you don’t even play close by, but I want this to be where you go when you aren’t playing, when you aren’t with your family. I don’t want you to come and visit me I want you to come home…to me.” For some reason that sounded better in my head.

“I can’t wait to come home to you!” I was about to give her a kiss when the strangest question popped into my head “Wait? Is this why you had wine?”

“Well yeah, I at least wanted to have something special about the night when I asked you to live with me.” She smiles at me and gives me a kiss followed by a few short kisses.

“Now stop distracting me from the movie.” I couldn’t say that I wasn’t a little disappointed, I was hoping for a bit of a celebration after she said yes. I try to concentrate on the movie, but I’m just not that interested in it; when I glance at Kelley I see she has a smirk on her face.

“You are a terrible girlfriend.” I launch myself at her and tickle her, she tries to push me off but I have a height and weight advantage. When I feel her pushes aren’t as forceful as before I stop, I enjoy hearing her laugh but I don’t want her to pass out. After she takes a few deep breaths she glares at me.

“I hate that feeling.” She gives me a light shove “Don’t tickle me for that long.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Who is a terrible girlfriend now?”

“Let me make it up to you.”

“How exactly are you going to do that?” I was still partially on top of her so I just took advantage of my position. I lean down and kiss down her neck to her collarbone.

“I was thinking of starting off slow.” I lick my way back up to her jaw before nibbling on her ear “Making sure to stimulate certain areas.” I know she has this spot right below her earlobe that makes her moan. As soon as I hit it I hear her moan, I can’t help but smirk. I move back to her lips, when I kiss her she immediately pulls me closer; I put more of my weight on her, we eventually take a breath “And I promise this won’t be the last time you are breathless tonight.”

When I wake up the next morning I hear this strange scratching noise, Kelley is completely tangled up in the sheets and I have barely any of the sheets on me, I smile before getting up and putting on something to wear. When I get downstairs I find the source of the scratching, Leo is still outside and he wants to get in. As soon as I open the door he heads for the couch and sits down right on it.

“Hey you, get down from there, you know you’re not supposed to sit on the couch.” He looks at me pleading with his eyes, and I almost give in but I know I shouldn’t or he’ll keep doing it. “Don’t look at me like that.” He whimpers a little but I won’t budge, when I try to get him off the couch I feel how cold he is, that’s why he wants to sit on the couch.

“Okay buddy, I’m going to get you something warm to sit on, don’t get too comfortable.” He gives me this look like he won the argument. I pull some blankets from the closet and grab some old pillows as well; he might be more persuaded to leave the couch if his new bed looks more comfortable.

“Hey don’t you dare fall asleep on there.” His eyes were already closed when I got back, his ears perked up and he looked at me. When I finished making his bed he was still just looking at me “Come on now, this is nice and warm, see.” I try to convince him that it is way more comfortable than it is; I even go as far as lying down on it “See it so much nicer than the couch.” When I hear Kelley laughing my head snaps towards the stairs.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to get Leo off the couch, he’s been stuck outside all night and he’s a little cold.”

“Aww poor Leo.” She sits down next to the make shift bed and pats on it “Come on Leo, come here.” Leo’s ears perk up again, his tail starts wagging and he actually gets off the couch and lies down next to Kelley.

“Why does he always listen to you?”

“Because, I’m always nice to him.”

“What? And I’m not?”

“You are, but he has good manners and always listens to the guest.”

“I guess that’s going to change soon enough.”

“I guess it will.” Kelley is still sitting on the floor with Leo, but I need some coffee, I move towards the kitchen.

“Do you want some coffee?”

“Yes I need some coffee.” When I turn around after turning on the coffee machine I find Kelley sitting on the kitchen table.

“You know there are seats right there.”

“I know, but I like the table, it makes me taller.” She tilts her head to the side looking intently at me, she smiles.

“You know you’re right, the table is good.” When she steps closer to me I hold my breath.

“You are the perfect height for me to do this.” She places her hands on the counter next to me and stands on her toes to reach my lips; I lazily wrap my arms around her neck. She gives me two quick pecks before going back down again; I keep my arms on her shoulders crossing my palms behind her. 

“Coffee’s ready” She stands there for a little while longer just looking at me, before she gets our coffee, she comes back and takes her previous position.

“I didn’t get a chance to ask you yesterday since we got a little distracted, have you heard from the private detective yet?”

“No, I asked him to give me all the information after the championship; I don’t want any distractions right now.”

“It’s not bothering you not knowing where your brother is?”

“It does bother me, but I think it will bother me more if I knew he was just 20 minutes away. Right now I can imagine him being far away so I can’t just go and see him when I want to.” I take a look at the watch on the wall “I have to get ready for training, Pinoe is going to come pick me up so you have the car if you want to go into town, there is a bike in the garage if you want to go for a ride, you can do anything you like while I’m away.”

“You’ll let me drive your car?”

“Yes, just be careful, with the bike and the car. I’m going to take a shower” I give her a quick peck before drinking the rest of my coffee and taking a shower. When I finish my shower I can hear Kelley talking to someone. She’s talking on the phone she sounds very excited and I smile when I realise she is talking about moving in with me, she is looking out the window at the woods behind the house so when I wrap my arms around her she is startled for a second; I kiss the side of her neck and place my head on her shoulder, I whisper an ‘I love you’ into her ear before finishing getting ready for practice.

On our way home Pinoe and I almost get into an accident when a blue car drives in our lane, thankfully Pinoe pulls over to the side of the road and the blue car just speeds by. 

“That was close, who the hell drives like that.” Pinoe is not one for road rage. “Let’s get you home before something happens and Kelley blames me.”

“She’ll only blame you if it’s your fault, but you’re right please get me home in one piece.” We drive in silence the rest of the way.

“Bye, thanks for the ride.” Kelley isn’t home there is a note on the fridge saying she is out on a bike ride; I check the garage just to make sure she is still out and not sleeping somewhere. I decide to take a nap I’m tired from last night and practice. I set my alarm for 30 minutes before getting comfortable on the couch; it feels like I’ve only been asleep for 5 minutes but my alarm is going off. I turn it off, stretch and then head for the kitchen to get some water, I realise Kelley still isn’t back, I try to call her but she left her phone on the table. After 10 minutes I start to get a little worried, she’s been gone for a long time what if something had happened to her. Just when I decide to take the car and go look for her I hear the garage door open.

“Finally, where….Kelley! What happened?” I take the bike and drop it where it is, Kelley is covered in blood, her shorts are torn and she is limping slightly. 

“Some car nearly ran me over; I ended up in a ditch.” She winces a little when I put my arm around her to lead her inside.

“Let’s get you to the bathroom to clean those cuts.” We slowly walk to the bathroom; I gently take off her clothes to make sure I don’t miss anything. She has a lot of cuts on her arms and legs a few scrapes on her stomach and thighs I could see a few bruises starting to form as well. When I start cleaning the cuts I realise some of the dirt is really embedded deep in the cuts.

“I don’t know if I can get these out, I think we’ll have to go to a doctor to get these cleaned properly.”

“Do we have to?”

“Yes, I don’t want you getting some infection from something as stupid as not cleaning a cut properly. I’m going to redress you in these I don’t see the point of making more clothes bloody and dirty.” She winces and groans a lot as I redress her, we make our way slowly to the car I drive us to the doctors’ office. We get sent to the hospital to get her cuts cleaned as well as getting some x-rays to make sure Kelley didn’t seriously injure her hip in the fall. Kelley looked like a mummy when we left, her hands and arms were completely bandaged, and she had a few big band aids on her legs. After stopping at the pharmacy to get some pain killers and stopping to get some food, we are on our way back home.

“I still can’t believe this happened? Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’ll be fine, you heard the doctor just a few aches and pains, nothing serious.”

“Well do you want some ice cream or donuts?”

“I definitely want those.”

“Okay, I’ll get you some right now, hang on a sec.”

“Chocolate and vanilla please.” She just shakes her head at me but doesn’t say anything. My hip is really sore and sitting this long is not really helping and my arms are still burning even with the salve the nurse put on, did I have to scrape off the first layer off my skin. How am I going to sleep tonight, I can’t put my arms down; this is going to be interesting.

“I got you a little surprise as well; I think it will make you feel better.”

“Really!? What is it?”

“You’ll have to wait and see. Let’s go home, you can watch some TV, eat ice cream and donuts.”

“First I’ll have to change my clothes, I don’t want to be in these disgusting clothes anymore.”

“Okay so shower before we do anything else.”

“That sounds good to me.”

Taking a shower was harder than I thought it would be, she had so many scrapes and scratches that putting soap on her burned, so I mostly rubbed her clean I’m still surprised by how many bruises she has, and her hip looked really painful, the first thing I gave her when we were done was her pain killers, she didn’t seem to mind at all. I make dinner while she watches TV and as soon as we finish I get her some ice cream and a donut. I’m surprised that she hasn’t asked for it earlier.

“Here you go.”

“What about my surprise?”

“I almost forgot, wait right here.” When I come back the donut is already gone.

“Here.” I give her a bunch of gossip magazines “I know these are your secret indulgences, I’m hoping it will keep your mind of things for a while.”

“You even got the best ones, I love you.” She indicates for me to come closer and gives me a quick kiss “Thank you for taking care of me today.”

“I feel bad, I’ll be gone almost the whole day tomorrow and you’ll be stuck here, so don’t you dare take a look at those magazines tonight. They can keep you busy tomorrow.”

“I won’t I promise, but then you have to keep me busy tonight.” She sighs.

“It’s time for me to go to bed, so you can join me or stay here and watch TV.” I guess I am pretty tired.

“I could go to bed, besides I need you to brush my teeth.”

After getting ready for bed I realise that the only way I’ll be able to sleep is to keep my arms above my head, so I bend my arms and put them down above my head on the pillow. Hope gets in next to me, she looks a little concerned.

“Are you comfortable like that?”

“This is the only way I am comfortable.”

“I hope you get to sleep, I’m sorry I can’t be of any help.”

“You helped me so much today I wouldn’t have gotten to the hospital without you. I wish I could cuddle with you right now to say thank you.”

“That would have been nice.” After a while I hear Hope sigh.

“This is worse than when you’re not here, you’re right here and I can’t even touch you.”

“You know you don’t have to be on the other side of the bed, you can be right next to me.”

“I’m scared I’ll hurt you.”

“Unless you plan on sitting on my hip, I really don’t think you’re going to hurt me, just scoot a little closer and cuddle.”

“Fine, but promise me you’ll tell me if I’m hurting you.”

“Promise.” She moves closer, she gently puts her hand on my stomach, her head is under my armpit, after a while she throws her one leg over mine.

“Is this okay?”

“It’s fine, now go to sleep, you need your rest for the game this weekend.” When I woke up the next morning my pills were next to me on the dresser with a glass of water, some flowers, breakfast, and a note. I smile to myself before realising I didn’t even hear her this morning; guess the pills really knocked me out. I pick up the note ‘You looked too beautiful to wake up, so I gave you a little kiss and made you some breakfast. Yogurt and fruit followed by your pills, coffee is in the kitchen so it can stay warm. Call you when I can. Have a good day. Love you xoxo.’ I put the note down because I’m starving and after finishing my breakfast, I take the pills and get up. I’m definitely sore but it’s not that bad. I go to the bathroom to take a look, my hip looks pretty bad, I have a few bruises on my body and arms but it could have been worse.

I sit in front of the TV with some food, I smile when I see Glee is on, I don’t know when I fell asleep, but when I wake up I feel someone’s lips on my forehead, I smell Hope and smile before opening my eyes.

“Hey, how was your day?”

“The usual diving after a ball; running, and going to the gym. How are you doing? How was your day?”

“I’m fine, I’ve been sleeping most of the day actually, and these pills are making me drowsy, I don’t think I’m going to take them tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“I’m not really in pain, and I want to be able to do something and watch your game tomorrow.”

“Please tell me you’ll take them if you are in pain.”

“I will, are you going to make us some food?”

“Yes, because I’m hungry too; and because I love you.”

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Seattle was going to play Kansas in the final, since they were going to play in Seattle I changed my plans to stay until after the final that way I could also still be here when Hope gets the information from the private detective. Hope was doing recovery and I was bored, I texted my mom just to keep busy.

‘Hey mom, how are you doing?’

‘Hey honey, I’m fine, your father is trying to convince me to make a turkey stuffed with a duck and a chicken for thanksgiving. I have no idea where he even got that idea from. 

How are you doing?’

‘I’m fine just bored, Hope is doing recovery and I’m stuck inside. I want to go for a walk but I don’t want to go by myself. And I’m pretty sure dad didn’t think of that, it’s called a turducken. Are you going to make it?’

‘No it’s looks like way too much work and I don’t think we really need the extra calories during Thanksgiving. I’m sure Hope will be finished soon and then you can go take a walk. 

Since you decided to change your flight, when are your new dates and is Hope coming with you?’

I realise that I don’t even know what Hope’s plans for Thanksgiving are. ‘I’m landing exactly 2 weeks before thanksgiving, and I’m actually not sure if Hope will join us.’

‘Oh does she have other commitments’

‘I don’t know I haven’t talked to her about Thanksgiving, I’ll ask her today I’m sure she’ll want to come.’

‘Let me know in time, I want to make sure I have enough food for everyone. Your sister is also bringing her boyfriend.’

‘When did this happen I thought they just started dating.’

‘Kelley they’ve been dating for more than 6 months, and since she’s already met his parents it’s now our turn. Just don’t be too crazy.’

‘Shouldn’t you say that to dad?’

‘I already did, but I know how protective you can be, and if Hope is coming too, make sure to tell her too.’ I hear the car pull into the garage.

‘I’m going to go now; Hope is back, talk to you soon. Bye mom.’

“Hey baby! How was your day?” She looks at me a little sceptically. 

“It was fine, why are you so happy?”

“Because you’re back, now I can do something.” She puts down her bags and pecks me on the lips

“I see; so well go to the park then.”

“Great I can’t wait to go outside.”

“I’m going to pack some snacks, can you grab some water?”

“Yeah I’ll put some bottles in the car.”

We walked around the park for a while before sitting down under a tree and eating some sandwiches.

“So I talked to my mom today and she asked if you were coming with me when I go home.”

“And am I going home with you?”

“Do you want to, it will be during Thanksgiving, and I don’t even know if you have any traditions.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“I would love it if you came with me, but I also don’t want you to be uncomfortable and I know you need space…sometimes during the holidays. I know this holiday is hard for you.” I love the fact that she knows I hate Thanksgiving because of how many times Thanksgiving in my house just turned into a complete disaster, it was a miracle when the police didn’t show up.

“Kelley, I love your family even though I didn’t love mine. And seeing as I’m going to be spending the rest of my life with you, I might as well start spending my holidays with you and your family since I don’t have my own. Besides we need to both approve of Erin’s boyfriend.”

“How do you know Erin’s boyfriend will be there?”

“She told me yesterday, she’s nervous about everyone meeting him.”

“Why? Is there something wrong with him?”

“I don’t know, she just said that she really likes him and she wants everyone else to like him too.”

“Why wouldn’t we like him?”

“I don’t know, but I was worried about that too when I first met your family. It’s kind of stressful. You’re lucky you don’t have to go through it, I don’t have family for you to meet, so you don’t have anyone to impress or worry about if they don’t like you for some reason.”

“You’re right I don’t have to worry about it. Could you be any more perfect?”

We enjoyed the rest of our time in the park and I made sure to text my mom and tell her that Hope was coming for Thanksgiving.

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Seattle lost the championship and I could tell Hope was upset about how they lost, I kept telling her that it was a good match, and even though they lost, they played really well. A few hours after the championship I could see she was getting anxious; her mind was not on the loss anymore but on finding out where her brother is. I put my hand on the back of her neck and played with her hair.

“Do you want to go home?”

“No, I’m okay here.”

“Do you want another drink?”

“I think I’ve had enough already.”

“Okay.” So we just sat there looking at her teammates celebrate, yes they didn’t win, but they still came in second and that should still be celebrated. At about one in the morning we decided to go home, Hope was tired from the game and anxious about tomorrow and I just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep, but I knew before I did that I would have to talk to her about tomorrow; I didn’t want to wait until we got home so I started the conversation as soon as we got in the car.

“Do you want me to go with you tomorrow?”

“Honestly I don’t know, I don’t know what to expect and I don’t know how I will react to whatever he tells me.”

“Okay, how about if I go with you, but I wait outside of the office that way I’ll still be there but not either.”

“That sounds good to me.” The rest of the drive we sat in silence listening to the music each one of us caught up in our own thoughts.

I’m surprised at how much I slept last night; I guess the game was more tiring that I thought. But now I’m awake and nervous, I don’t think I can even drink my coffee, my stomach feels like it’s doing summersaults. Kelley picks up on my nervousness.

“Do you want some coffee, or tea?”

“No, I don’t think I’ll be able to drink it, I’m too nervous.”

“Okay, why don’t you go take a shower while I make me some coffee, and try to relax a little.” I drank my coffee while wondering what a big change today will make in both our lives, I heard Hope’s phone ring I don’t usually answer it but I saw that it was from the private investigator, it could be about the meeting today so I answered it.

“Hello.”

“Hello, this is Tiffany calling from Rook Private Eye, could I speak to a Miss Solo please.”

“She’s a bit busy right now, can I take a message?”

“May I ask who I’m speaking to?”

“Kelley... O’Hara, her girlfriend.”

“I see, please inform Miss Solo that we have to cancel today’s meeting due to some unforeseen circumstances; is it possible to reschedule to the 8th of November?”

“That’s almost a month from now, is it possible to make it any sooner?”

“I’m sorry but the detective handling Miss Solo’s...request, was in an accident so we are handing his cases over to some of our other detectives, I don’t know if we’ll be able to do it sooner, but I will call if we can make it sooner.”

“Okay, thank you for calling.”

“Have a good day Miss O’Hara, goodbye.”

“Bye.” Urgh now we have to wait even longer, I really hope they can do it sooner. I walked to the bathroom to tell Hope about the call, she was a little upset but she also seemed relieved.

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“Ready?”

“Yeah, all the bags are packed. I’m kind of excited to spend the holiday with your family. I can only imagine what kind of trouble you guys get into.”

“We aren’t that bad.” 

“We have to get going or we are going to be late.”

“I’m waiting for you.”

“Just making sure everything is locked. Okay, let’s go.”

The flight was pretty uneventful, Kelley slept for most of it and I read my book, her mom picked us up at the airport. I’m sometimes still surprised at how easy it has gotten for me to hug Kelley and her family and how I’m really happy to see them, and it’s not just something I say to Kelley.

“You girls are looking good, are you ready to help with the preparations?”

“Mom we still have two weeks, we can’t start yet.”

“I know but we have to pick up a few things now or they’ll be all gone by next week, so you two are coming with me to the store.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, I wanted to make one trip.”

“I’m fine with that...and helping with anything else.”

“See Kelley that’s how you should reply when someone asks you to help.”

“You can stop sucking up Hope, my parents already like you.” 

“I’m not sucking up, this will probably be my first real Thanksgiving and I’d like to help.” Karen loops her arm around mine then Kelley’s.

“Okay girls let’s go.” While we were at the store I got a message from the private investigator, he could see me when I was free. I told him I was in Georgia and if it would be possible for him to give me the information today. He agreed and we set a time for tonight to Skype.

“Don’t be so nervous, it will be okay I’ll be there with you.” Kelley grabs my hand and she doesn’t let go until we are at their house.

I sit in front of the computer waiting for the call, my heart jumps into my throat when it starts ringing; I hold Kelley’s hand and answer.

“Good evening Miss Solo and... O’Hara, right?”

“Yes, good evening.”

“I was surprised when you told me you were in Georgia because your brother lives in Georgia as well. He lives in Johns Creek at 12 Almond Street; there is only one Almond Street in Johns Creek so you should be able to find it pretty easily. He was married but is now divorced and he has one child, a boy. He has been arrested five times in the last year, he’s served three months in jail for assaulting someone at a grocery store, and he was ordered to go to anger management which he has been attending. While he was married there where over a dozen arrest but no jail time served for domestic abuse and a few arrest for DUI’s. I believe that is everything you asked us to get.” I was in shock it sounded like he hasn’t changed at all, how he even got someone to marry him and have a child with him, I’ll never understand. What happened to his son and wife, whoa I’m an aunt; I can’t believe it.

“Is there anything else you would like us to do?”

“Uhm do you have any information about the ex-wife and child?”

“The still live in Georgia as well in Auburn, and the boy is 7 years old, we didn’t look much into them since your brother was our objective, would you like us to find out more?”

“Yeah, could you just get me contact information, or an address?”

“We can do that, would you like us to make contact on your behalf?”

“NO!” Okay that came out louder than I expected “Uhm, no, I’ll do it myself. Thank you.”

“All right I will send you the information as soon as I can. Have a good evening.”

“Thank you, bye.” 

I was just sitting there waiting for her to say something but she was still just looking at the screen even though the call had been ended.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m an aunt, I can’t believe this. And Marcus as was actually married how did that even happen? I don’t know what to do now. Clearly he hasn’t changed I don’t want him in my life if he’s still the same person.”

“He doesn’t have to be part of your life. You can decide if he’s going to be part of your life or not.” Honestly I was worried I don’t think that having him in her life would be good for her, it has taken her so long to be comfortable with who she is and in a sense make peace with what happened to her, I don’t want anything or anyone to make her feel like that again. “I love you, I’ll listen to you, I’ll tell you what I think but no matter what I’ll support what you decide.”

“Thank you…I need some air.” I let her go outside by herself; right now she just needed to be by herself. I just watched her for a little while through the window, there was nothing I could do; nothing but wait. I went to sit in the kitchen with my family, I noticed the worried looks going around; I sighed.

“What?” Everyone looked around avoiding eye contact; Erin was the first to speak.

“Is everything okay with you and Hope?”

“Everything is fine with us, she just needs…to work through some things.” If I wasn’t in this relationship I wouldn’t believe my answer, but I know my family and I know that they will give their opinion, if Hope wanted it or not, and they don’t know about Marcus; I know it’s not my place to tell them.

“Honey everyone fights, you don’t need to cover it up.”

“Mom we’re not fighting, we really are fine, this has nothing to do with us; this has to do with her family. That is all I’m going to say about it, and none of you are going to ask her about it.”

“Are you sure there is nothing we can do?” I really liked that they were this concerned about her; I wish she could actually see how much she is part of our family.

“I know you’re all concerned but right now she just needs some time, when she’s ready she’ll tell us, and I’m being serious don’t ask her about it, she’ll tell you if she wants to.” They shook their heads in unison.

“Fine we won’t say anything. You’ll let us know if she needs anything, I know she can sometimes be…shy to ask for anything.”

“If she is I’ll let you know.” That was the end of that conversation; we talked some more which lead to asking Erin questions about her new boyfriend. When Hope joined the conversation no one asked her if she was okay, we just continued on. Soon conversation led to competition and we were playing card games until my mom pointed out that it was already past midnight; it was time to go to bed.

Usually when we get ready for bed we talk about things, something one of us saw or read; a joke, but tonight there was only silence. Clearly she still hadn’t decided what she wanted to do; she speaks before we get into bed.

“Can I be the little spoon tonight?” I get into bed and open my arms wide.

“Come here.” She gets into bed and puts her head on my chest her arm resting on my waist.

“I think I want to meet my nephew, and sister-in-law, but I don’t want to see my brother, he hasn’t changed and I can’t be around him, but I don’t want write off family without even meeting them first.” I rub her arm.

“That sounds good to me; if you want me to I can go with you.”

“Do you think they would want to meet me?” I wanted to tell her that everything was going to be all right, but that wasn’t the case; we needed to be realistic.

“I don’t know, but you can try.” She didn’t say anything after that, I kissed the top of her head

“Good night.”

“Night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was more of a filler chapter but there will be some drama coming. So as usual if you have something to say leave me a comment.


	47. Here we go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to SwanQueenx for being the beta.

When I wake up Hope is gone, she’s been gone for a while since her side of the bed is already cold. I go downstairs expecting to see her sitting at the kitchen or outside drinking a cup of coffee, but the only person in the kitchen is my mom.

“Hey mom, have you seen Hope?”

“No, I thought everyone else was still asleep; maybe she’s outside?”

“Maybe. I’ll check.” I’m barely out of my seat when Hope comes inside, huffing and sweating.

“Oh hey, you went for a run? It’s early.”

“Yeah, sorry I couldn’t sleep anymore. I needed to clear my mind a bit.” I go to the fridge and toss her a water bottle.

“Here it looks like you could use some water. Did it help?”

“Thanks, I feel much better. I think it will be good for me to meet my brother’s family.”

“You have a brother?” I forgot that her mom was still sitting there.

“Uhm, yes, but I haven’t seen him in a really long time.”

“Is this what’s been going on? Did he contact you?”

“Uh, no I kind of looked for him.”

“I see and when are you meeting him?”

“I’m not, it turns out that he’s the same person I tried to get away from in the first place, but I did find out he was married and has a family and I kind of want to meet them.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” I felt awkward just standing there so I took a sip of my water “So I’m going to take a shower before I start to smell.” 

“Why didn’t you tell us before?”

“I didn’t know about her brother until a couple of months ago, and it’s not my place to tell anyone about her brother, especially since she’s struggling so much with it. But she seems to be doing better. I guess it needed to sink in a little.”

“I’m glad she’s doing better.”

“Me too; I’m going to go upstairs and see if she’s okay, you’re the first person besides me she’s told.” My mom just shakes her head, I walk quickly upstairs. I’m kind of anxious to see how she’s doing, my mom really is the first person beside me she’s told and she looked kind of uncomfortable when she left the room. I knock on the bathroom door before I go inside. 

“Hey babe, how are you doing?”

“I’m fine, I actually feel pretty good about telling your mom.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I mean I have no reason to feel bad, I’m not the one who has been arrested for assault numerous times, right?”

“Right; and you came to this conclusion when you were running?”

“Yes, while I was running it took me back to when we used to go running in the mornings, and how I used to keep to myself because I didn’t think anyone would like me if they actually knew me, but then I met this cute girl, with the most beautiful eyes and freckles, and for some reason she really liked me. I also realised that the reason I’m where I am today is because I tried to not let my childhood dictate how I live my life, and I have a wonderful person who loves me. Why should I let him ruin my life?” 

“You know I think I need to take a shower too.” 

“Kell you’re parents are in the kitchen.” 

“No, my mom is in the kitchen, and my dad is still asleep.”

“Still we’re in your parent’s…” When I get into the shower she stops talking pretty quickly.

“Uhm, house?” 

“Yeah I don’t care.” I kissed her and she didn’t hesitate to kiss me back, somehow my back ends up against the cold tiles. Her hands go to my butt and she gives it a light squeeze before she starts kissing down my neck, she puts one of my nipples in her mouth and I can’t help the hiss that escapes my mouth as she kisses down my abdomen, her hands lightly scratch down my back making me arch forward. When she takes a quick swipe at my clit I can’t help but say “Oh shit.” She stands up and kisses me. She rests her forehead against mine and says, “You have to at least try and be quiet.” 

“It’s not my fault you are really good at this.” She kisses me again, her hand making small patterns as it goes lower. When she inserts a finger, I let out a moan into her mouth, her pace starts off slow and as she starts to go a little quicker my hips starts moving with her. She then uses her thumb to rub my clit. It’s getting harder to stand when my legs start shaking; Hope wraps her arm around my waist to help steady me, I’m close. My muscles are getting tense and that’s when she starts curling her fingers and I’m hurtling over the edge. If it wasn’t for Hope holding me up I would be on a heap on the floor, her hand is still moving slowly when she pulls out, a shudder goes through my whole body. I lean on Hope and she kisses the side of my head, I’m still out of breath when she helps me to sit down on the side of the tub. She turns off the shower and hands me a towel. She starts to dry herself off and smiles at me. 

“I never thought I would do that in my parent’s house.”

“I never thought we would do that in the shower.” I wrap the towel around me and walk closer. my face is a few inches from hers and whisper, “If you are good today and everyone goes to sleep pretty early maybe you will get lucky tonight.”

“Does that mean we won’t get to go to bed early?” she smiles as she says this, and I give her a light slap. 

“Well if you keep that up you won’t get lucky today, remember…” I wanted to continue but Erin knocked on the door.

“Could you guys hurry up, Daniel is going to be here in 2 hours and I still need to take a shower and get ready.”

“We’re getting dressed”

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Erin was pacing in the kitchen with her phone in her hand looking out the window every chance she got.

“Why are you so stressed?”

“I’m worried that he’ll have trouble finding the place, he should be here in 5 minutes.”

“Then maybe you should start worrying if he’s not here in 5 minutes.”

“Hey, I hear a car.” Erin is waiting outside before the car even comes into view.

“Why do you think she is so worried, do you think there is something wrong with him?”

“I think she’s worried that we won’t like him because clearly she really likes him.”

“But why wouldn’t we like him?”

“Weren’t you a little worried when I was going to meet your parents, and the rest of your family?”

“You met everyone before we actually started dating; I already knew they liked you.”

“Okay but how about if you didn’t know, wouldn’t you be a little worried that your family wouldn’t like me.”

“I like you so they would like you too.”

“But you don’t know that for sure and you want them to like me, it can be a little stressful, just promise me you won’t be too nosy.”

“I’m not nosy.”

“Come on Kell; you can be a little nosy.”

“I’m not…Holy crap he is tall. Erin knows she’s short right?”

“Kelley he’s not that tall, besides I’m taller than you too, you know that right?”

“Look at him he could be a football player.”

“And we are both soccer players.”

“Stop being a smart ass.”

“Shhh shhh, they’re coming.” I don’t think I’ve ever seen Erin this happy or nervous, we all greet each other and do the ‘nice to meet you’s. 

“So Daniel what do you do?”

“I’m a tattoo artist.” 

“Really! Do you have any tattoos?”

“Yeah, but I put them in places that are hidden by my clothes.”

“Really! And why is that?”

“Well I’m a pretty burly looking; if you haven’t noticed, and having all my tattoos showing would probably give people the wrong impression.”

Erin takes his hand and says “He’s just a big softie.”

“Just like Hope; I guess we have the same taste after all.”

“Okay how about you come in and meet everyone else.”

“It was nice talking to you guys.” The day went well; I was surprised. I’d never pictured Erin with someone like Daniel, a tattoo artist who could pass as a biker but is probably the kindest person I’ve ever met. As the day went on I could see how well they fit together he was quiet and reserved very protective and Erin is always on the go, busy and never able to sit still. Well everything was going well until we decided to play monopoly, it never ends well when we play monopoly. I have no idea who suggested it; but as usual it ended with Erin, Jerry and I fighting, and my dad breaking it up by saying, “Okay okay, it’s time for bed; and no we can’t finish this tomorrow and no there is no winner. Everyone just go.” We begrudgingly left the table.

“You know Jerry started that fight because I was winning.”

“Kelley it was a game of monopoly, just let it go.”

“I just wanted to make sure you knew I was winning.”

“Of course you were, but I do remember this morning and what you said.”

“A lot happened this morning, but I think I know what you are talking about.”

“Well everyone is going to bed and it’s still early.”

“And it doesn’t bother you that we’re in my parent’s house anymore.”

“Now that you brought that up, I think I’m just going to get ready for bed.” I grab some shorts and a shirt out of my suitcase before taking off my shirt.

“You can’t do that and just expect me to go to sleep.”

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When I wake up the next morning Hope side is empty again, I groan before looking at the watch it’s only 7am why is she awake already? I put on some clothes and go downstairs, I can smell the coffee already. I’m about to beg Hope to make me a cup when I hear her talking to Daniel

“Are you really serious about this relationship? I can see that Erin really likes you.”

“I am serious about it, and I really like Erin as well.”

“Okay well then I’m going to say this once, clearly you are bigger than me but I’m a professional athlete so if you ever hurt her, in any way she will call Kelley and I will hurt you in some way.”

“Got it, I’ll do my best not to hurt her.”

“Good, I’m glad we got that out of the way, and I’m glad I found someone who enjoys a cup of coffee the same way I do.” When I walk into the kitchen both of them smile at me, I give Hope a kiss on the cheek. 

“Good morning beautiful.” 

“Good morning baby, how many cups have you had? Morning Daniel.”

“Morning.”

“It’s my first one, I promise.”

“Good; that means we can go for a run; kick the ball around.”

“Sounds good to me; but first let me finish this.”

“I’ll go get ready. Hey Erin, you look…happy.” I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone with a smile that big this early in the morning, “Oh hey mom, Hope and I are going to go for a run soon but we’ll be back in time to go shopping like we promised.”

“Good, because I’m not leaving until both of you are in the car with me, so show up if you want Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow.”

“Got it.”

Before I get dressed for our run, I see a text on my phone. I open it and it has the address, name and number for Marcus’s ex-wife. My heart jumps to my throat; I could actually meet them if I wanted to. I mind starts racing but the one thing that stands out is that I really want to meet them today; we won’t really have another time to go. 

“Hey you ready?”

“Uhm what?”

“For our run?”

“Oh, uhm actually do you think we can skip it; I just got this.” I show her my phone.

“Are you gonna call?”

“I don’t know, I mean it will be harder for her to tell me no, if I’m already there than it will be on the phone.”

“Yeah, but it’s also Thanksgiving maybe she isn’t even there?”

“Good point, how do I even start the conversation though? Hi, I know you don’t know me but I’m Marcus’s sister and I would really like to meet you and your son. It sounds crazy and a little creepy.”

“No it doesn’t; just take a deep breath and call.”

“Okay. Stay here please.” When the ringing starts my heart starts beating wildly in my chest, I know I can do this, I’ve played in a world cup final this will be nothing compared to that.

“Hello?”

“Uhm hi, is this Julie?”

“Yes, who is this?”

“I’m Marcus’s sister Hope.”

“What do you want?” I didn’t have to see her face to know she was scared.

“I’m sorry that this is so out of the blue, but I would really like to meet you…and your son, if I could.”

“Look I don’t know what the two of you are trying to do but I don’t want you coming anywhere near me or my son.” Her voice had clearly gone up.  
“I don’t want anything to do with my brother, I just found out the two of you exist a few days ago; and I just want to meet you and get to know you, if you don’t want me to be part of your life I’ll understand and leave you alone, but please don’t just write me off before meeting me.”

“Okay, but you’re not meeting Jeff; I don’t want to confuse him.”

“I completely understand, the only request I have is if we could meet today? I’m not in Georgia that often and I won’t be here for that long.”

“How do you know I live in Georgia?”

“I was actually looking for my brother, trying to find out how he’s been, he’s the only family I have; but clearly he hasn’t changed and I don’t want him in my life.”

“So you know where I live?”

“I know what town you live in.”

“Okay, I’m not going to lie that is a little disconcerting.”

“Look we don’t have to meet at your house, you can choose where we meet just tell me where to go and I’ll meet you there.”

“Okay, well I have your number so I’ll text you an address where we can meet.”

“Of course; I’m in Fayetteville at the moment. I’m not sure how long it will take to get to you.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later this afternoon then.”

“Great, thank you so much.” I release a deep sigh when I put the phone down. Kelley is looking at me expectantly. 

“So? What did she say?”

“We can meet her today; she’ll send an address to my phone where we can meet.”

“That’s great, I’ll go change into something else, and then we can break the news to my mom that we won’t be joining her for shopping today.”

“Oh man, I forgot about that, do you think she’ll mind.”

“I’m sure she’ll understand; this is important.”

After explaining everything to Kelley’s mom and getting an address, we were in the car. I was really nervous I didn’t even know what I was going to say, or why this was so important to me in the first place. As we get closer I get even more nervous. When we stop outside the little restaurant, Kelley turns to me.

“Hope it’s going to be okay, you are a great person and she’ll see that.”

“Really is that why everyone else thinks I’m angry person, with my bitch face.”

“That’s the media, they have no idea what they are talking about.”

“What if she doesn’t think so, I have one chance and if she thinks I’m anything like my brother it’s over.”

“But you’re not like him so you really have nothing to worry about.”

“Okay let’s do this.”

Once we get inside I have no idea who I’m looking for or where to go, but clearly the woman behind the counter knows who we are.

“You two must be looking for Julie; just go through she’ll see you.”

“Okay, thanks.” I squeeze Kelley’s hand and we walk into the dining area of the restaurant, I scan the area and I’m surprised when a small woman stands up. When I look at her I know why Marcus picked her, she’s small and against Marcus she would look tiny, I may not know what he looks like now, but he was a big guy. I extend my hand to shake hers but she doesn’t.

“Hello.” She looks at Kelley wearily.

“Hi, uhm this is my girlfriend Kelley.” I can see some of her apprehension disappear. “I’m sorry I probably should have told you about her, I’m just nervous and I didn’t think I would be able to do this without her here.”

“It’s okay, I get it. So what do you want to talk about?”

“Oh uhm, I don’t know, I guess I was just wondering about you. How are you doing?”

“I’m doing fine, I have a job I’m taking care of Jeff; my parents live close by and they help when they can.”

“Wow I’m glad you’re doing well. Can I… do you have a picture of him?”

“Of course I do, but I don’t think I want you to see it.”

“Okay, well is there anything you want to know about me?”

“A lot, what do you do? How did you find me? And what does Marcus want?” I was a little disappointed that she still believes that I’m here for Marcus.

“I can understand why you are suspicious, but I don’t talk to Marcus. I don’t see him and I don’t want to know anything about him; as far as I’m concerned he doesn’t exist. Secondly I play professional soccer, Kelley does too. And I was looking for Marcus to try and see how he was doing but I found out that he is the same person and I don’t want anything to do with him; but I also found out about you and Jeff. I wanted to meet the only family I have left and I hope that you will trust me enough to let me meet Jeff.”

“You play soccer? For a living?”

“Actually we both do. There is a league and we won the gold at the Olympics last year.”

“I had no idea it was even possible. What are you doing in Georgia?” I let Kelley answer this one; I’m sure Julie would eventually pick up on the southern accent.

“I’m a Georgia native and my parents still live here, in Fayetteville. We came down for Thanksgiving; it was a complete coincidence that you lived here too and not too far away either. We just wanted to meet you today because we won’t have time after Thanksgiving. We are going back to Seattle. I know Hope wanted to meet you in person, me too.”

“Okay…” She suddenly goes really pale and her eyes grow big. “I knew I couldn’t trust you.” Kelley and I both turn around I expect to see my brother but I don’t see anyone I know. Julie gets up and runs out.

“What just happened?”

“I have no idea but she was scared of someone.” Kelley and I follow, when we get outside there is some guy shouting at Julie, the woman who told us to go through is there too. 

“Kelley call the cops; and stay here.” I run towards them. “Hey! What the hell are you doing?” I stand in front of Julie so he can’t see her or get to her.

“Get the fuck out of my way this has nothing to do with you.”

“I already called the cops so get out of here or get arrested.”

“Bitch!” He lunges towards me, I step to the side and use his momentum to trip him; he goes down before he can get back up I pin him to the ground; after everything that happened with my dad I wanted to know how to protect myself. Kelley runs towards us.

“Are you guys okay?”

“Yeah, fine. Are the cops on their way?”

“Yes they said they’ll be here in a few minutes.” He starts to struggle but I just pull harder on his arm causing him pain and hopefully getting him to stop. When the police show up they take over and we have to give our statements about what happened. I hesitantly walk over to Julie.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah yeah.”

“Who was that?”

“One of your brother’s friends; seems like he thinks if he can’t see me and torture me he’ll just send his friends.”

“I’m sorry about that, there has to be something you can do especially now that this has happened.”

“I’m talking to the police about it.”

“Good, that’s good. Do you have somewhere safe to stay tonight? Somewhere he doesn’t know about?”

“I’ll stay in a hotel somewhere I’ll be okay.”

“If you need anything please let me know. I wish I could stay but we have to get going if we plan to be back tonight, I’m really sorry.”

“No, I understand you should go….thank you…for helping me.” She takes out her phone and shows me a picture of a little boy with brown hair, hazel eyes and a big smile even though he has a tooth missing. He looks really happy in the picture. “Uhm maybe next time you can meet Jeff.”

“Yeah, I would really enjoy that, thank you so much; and really don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything.”

“I will. Again thank you.”

“No problem, just be safe okay. Bye.” Kelley is waiting by the car, when I get close she gives me a big hug. I feel so relieved with her arms around me even though she is shorter than me I bury my face in the crook of her neck.

“Why does everything always have to turn into such a mess?”

“Because this is the Hope and Kelley show.” We both chuckle a little “Come on let’s go home; my mom already called a billion times wanting to know when we’ll be back, she won’t go to bed until we are back safe.” I smile and give her a quick peck. 

“Your mom is such a…mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, lemme know what you thought.


	48. OMG

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to SwanQueenX!

When we get back it’s already past midnight, I’m exhausted Hope must be even more tired than me, when I see the light is still on I know my mom is waiting for us; and sure enough she was sitting on the couch reading.

“O my goodness I’m so glad you girls are okay. Come here.” She gives us a hug before ushering us off to bed. We both just change and get into bed. My eyes are closed before my head hits the pillow and I mumble a good night before I’m enveloped by sleep. When I wake up I’m wrapped up in Hope’s arms, I slowly turn around and smile when I see she is still asleep. I’m too lazy to get up and so I move down a little so I can tuck my head under Hope’s chin. I can feel her adjust but she doesn’t wake up. I can tell because her breathing hasn’t changed and she’s still on her side; for some reason she always rolls onto her back when she wakes up. I’m about to fall asleep again when I hear a soft knock on the door. I’m stay still hoping that whoever it is will go away when they don’t hear anything. Unfortunately no such luck, Erin opens the door slowly and peeks in.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Shhh, she’s still sleeping, what do you want?”

“Mom wanted me to come check on you guys, we have to start helping in the kitchen.”

“Urg, fine give me a few minutes to get out of here and get dressed, now go away.”

“Ten minutes, I’m serious.” I wave my hand at her to get out, but now I’m in the predicament of getting out of bed without waking Hope up. I slowly move her arm and roll over, I put her arm back down and just as I’m about to get up she rolls onto her back. 

“Hmmm where are you going?”

“I’m going to get dressed to go help with the cooking, but you can stay here and sleep some more.” She rubs her eyes.

“No it’s okay, I’ll help cook, I want to do something.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah…you look really pretty by the way.”

“You mean my messy hair and red eyes don’t look terrible?”

“Nope you still look really pretty.”

“Aww you’re too sweet.” I lean over and give her a kiss, she deepens it and then I hear another knock on the door.

“Urg come on she won’t stop until I’m out the door, buuuuuuut we can take a nap after lunch.”

“A nap after lunch sounds amazing.” When we get downstairs the kitchen table is already filled with food, or at least things that need to be cut up. Karen hands me a peeler and points to a bunch of potatoes. 

“The Irish love their potatoes.”

“You’re kidding me no amount of people can eat that many potatoes in one sitting.” She smiles.

“You’re meeting the rest of the family today, it won’t just be us. Didn’t Kelley tell you? All the aunts, uncles and cousins are coming, well at least the ones who want to spend Thanksgiving with each other.”

“Uhm…What? Kelley did you know about this?”

“About what?”

“That your whole family is coming.”

“Yeah…did I not mention that?”

“No.”

“Oh sorry babe.”

“Sorry, that’s it? I think I’m going to be sick.”

“No you’re not, you’re fine.”

“What if they don’t like me?”

“Hope just peel the potatoes, besides all you need to do is to give them a drink, they’re Irish. Potatoes and alcohol, that’s all they need.”

“Potatoes and alcohol right, I can do that.” I sit down and begin peeling the ton of potatoes in front of me, I don’t know how much time has passed when I hear Karen talk to Erin and Kelley.

“Girls I appreciate the help but right now the only person really helping is Hope, you two are a disaster in the kitchen. How about you girls get all the plates out and make sure everything is clean.”

“You’re really kicking us out of the kitchen?”

“Yes, I’m really kicking you out, no go while I can still salvage the rest of the food.”

“Wow mom that hurts.”

“I can’t believe you’re choosing my girlfriend over me.”

“Your girlfriend can actually use a knife and cook.”

“Yeah okay that’s true; I guess we can find something else to do.” As soon as I finish peeling the potatoes Karen hands me a knife. 

“Half of them get chopped and the rest go into the oven with the turkey.” 

“Okay, just cut in half.”

“Yes…How are you doing with everything that happened yesterday?”

“Uhm…I’m fine I, ugh, I don’t really know to be honest.”

“That’s understandable, have you heard anything from Julie yet?”

“I haven’t checked my phone, but I don’t know what I’m going to do. She was so scared when she saw that guy, it reminded me of the look my mom sometimes got. He’s just like him and that scares me.”

“What are you scared of?”

“That he’ll try and do something like my father, or what if somehow I turn into them. I grew up with him we had the same father what it stopping me from being like that.”

“There are a lot of things stopping you from being like them, the biggest thing will be that big heart you have. The second thing will be Kelley and the third thing will be this family. You are part of this family whether you ever marry her or not.”

“What!?”

“I’m close with my daughter, she tells me everything…well mostly everything some things I don’t need to know.”

“And you’re not mad about it.”

“If I’m honest I’ve always wanted to see my children get married and settle down, but it’s not more important than their happiness, or the person they choose to be with; you have valid reasons for not wanting to get married, but if you ever change your mind Dan and I would be more than happy if you do decide to tie the knot.”  
“Thanks…that means a lot to me.” I feel some tears in my eyes so I focus back on the potatoes.

“See there is that big heart of yours, just keep accepting the love that people want to give you and you’ll be fine.”

“Thanks Karen.”

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Erin and I joined my dad, brother, and Daniel on the couch. I might as well watch some football while Hope is in the kitchen. My minds starts to wander and soon I’m thinking about everything that happened yesterday; I’m worried about Julie and Jeff. I wonder if there is something that she can do to stay safe, I should talk to my dad he used to be in the Air Force and actually knows a lot of police officers. 

“Hey dad can I talk to you for a bit?”

“Of course sweetheart, what’s on your mind?”

“I’m sure mom told you about what happened yesterday, is there anything that Julie can do? You know to stay safe?”

“Well we don’t know what she’s already done or is doing so it’s hard to say.”

“But is there something she can do if his friends show up, I mean what would she have done if Hope wasn’t there yesterday? Can you imagine what could have happened?”

“Sweetheart, I’m sure she is doing everything she can to keep her and her son safe, but if you want I can call John, he’s a cop there, it’s in Auburn right?”

“Yeah, I’d really appreciate that dad.” I was still fidgety. 

“Do you want me to call him now?”

“Actually that would be great.”

“Okay, I was only joking, but okay. Let me see if I can get a hold of him.”

“Thanks daddy.” He heads straight to his study so I know he is really going to call.

“How are you doing sis?”

“I’m fine, just tired.”

“Even after yesterday?”

“Well I don’t really know how to explain it, I mean I’m worried about Julie and Jeff; but I just have this gut feeling that it’s all going to work out.”

“A gut feeling.”

“Yeah, it almost reminds me of when I first met Hope, and I just knew she was going to be important.” Before I could say anything else I’m interrupted by my mom.

“Really Erin? I expected this from Kelley but not from you. Erin could you make some lunch and Kelley please start setting up some drinks, some of your cousins will be here soon.”

“Sure mom, what am I making for lunch?”

“Just a chicken salad, we’ll be eating a lot for dinner. And Kelley I’m serious don’t just sit there, start setting up a table and get the glasses out.”

“Yeeesss mom, I’m going.” I was still busy putting enough glasses on a small coffee table that we keep in storage and only take out for special occasions, when Michael and his wife Jill pull up. I stand on the porch and wave.

“Hey guys!” After giving each of them a drink and letting them go inside, I finish my task before my mom scolds me again. We all have lunch together and they still seem surprised that Hope is there with us; apparently I wasn’t the only one who forgot to mention who would be at dinner tonight. After lunch I drag Hope to my room I promised her a nap after lunch and that is what we are going to do. Erin wakes us up about an hour later, most of the family had arrived and it was a few hours until dinner.

“You ready to be sociable?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I give her a quick kiss and hold her hand as we walk down the stairs.

My family isn’t that big, but I know compared to what Hope is used to it would seem really big, I was really surprised when she talked to the rest of my family the way she talked to my siblings and parents, she didn’t hold anything back when she was asked personal questions and she made jokes the only way she knows how. Looking at her from afar and standing next to her I couldn’t help but feel like I was falling in love with her all over again. Then she really sealed the deal when she started playing with my cousins little kids. When I look at her I don’t know why she thinks she would be a bad parent, these kids are laughing and climbing all over her and they all seem to be having a blast. They groan when their parents tell them to go sit at their table since it’s time for dinner.

“Hey guys we can always play again after dinner, but only if you are good and listen to what your parents say.” That got their attention pretty quick and the where at the table ready to eat in no time.

“That was impressive we didn’t have to threaten taking away their computers or games.”

“It’s just because I’m a shiny new toy.”

“I think it’s because you’re so good with kids.” I put my hand behind my neck, I’m feeling a little embarrassed; I don’t think anyone beside Kelley has ever complimented me.

“Thanks Karen, now is everyone ready to eat? I didn’t peel all those potatoes for no reason.”

“Hear! Hear!” I don’t think I’ve ever eaten that much food in my entire life, my stomach was bulging and it was uncomfortable to move, luckily the kids also ate way too much food and everyone was in a food coma. There was a lull in conversation and everyone could clearly hear a car coming up the driveway.

“Who could that be? Everyone’s here right?” Dan heads to the kitchen to look out the window when everyone hears, “Hope Amelia Solo!”

When I hear that voice I’m pretty sure my heart stopped beating. All I can think is there is no way he is here, there is no way. Everyone is looking at me and for some reason my legs carry me to the door. When I open the door I see him standing next to some beat up car, he’s clearly drunk and for some reason that makes me really angry.

“There she is, Miss soccer star and saviour of Julie. What the hell do you think you’re doing huh? Butting your nose in where it really doesn’t belong.”

“Marcus you’re drunk, go home.”

“Of course I’m drunk, it’s Thanksgiving, that’s how we celebrate it. Don’t tell me you already forgot.”

“Let’s just say some traditions should be broken. I’m serious Marcus, leave you don’t belong here.”

“Yeah well neither do you. What do you think you are doing anyway? You can’t be a role model for young girls, well I guess unless they want to learn how to get abused then you are the perfect role model.” I rush down the stairs but I keeping my distance, I know that Marcus, even in his drunken state, could still hurt me. 

“Fuck you Marcus! What kind of role model are you for your son anyway? I’m guessing if he wants to learn how to be drunk most of his life you are the perfect role model.”

“Did you hear that? You said my son, and that is exactly why I’m here. Stay away from my family Hope they have nothing to do with you.”

“And from what I saw yesterday you don’t have anything to do with them either, at least you are a better father than ours was.”

“Shut your mouth!” He pulls out a gun and I freeze, he is really drunk but I’m not that far away he could easily hit me. We both hear a loud whistle his eyes focus behind me.

“Hey dumbass! You do know you are trespassing on private property and I would be completely in my rights to shoot you.”

“Oh please! How old are you anyway 10?”

“Actually as your sister will tell you I’m 5, but I still know how to use this.” She lifts some kind of hunting rifle at him, and he burst out laughing.

“This is a joke right? I bet you wouldn’t even be able to hit me if I was three feet in front of you.”

“Side mirror!” Kelley shoots the side mirror off his car. “This is the South and we believe in our right to bear arms. Now get the hell out of here before I really have to hurt you.” Marcus actually puts his gun away and walks to his car. 

“And one more thing, people who grew up in the South know other people who grew up in the South so unless you want cops following you around stay away from Julie and Jeff.” I have seen that look on his face before when he reaches for the gun again I don’t even have to think before charging at him. In that moment he doesn’t care about me anymore, he just wants to hurt Kelley. My ears are ringing from the shot that went off, but all I’m focussed on is making sure he’s not getting up anytime soon. I tackle him to the ground and give him a few punches when I get back up I nearly fall back over when Kelley jumps on me.

“Kelley! Are you okay? Is everyone okay?” I hug her tightly.

“We’re okay, he didn’t hit anyone.”

“I was so scared when I heard that shot go off.”

“My dad already called the cops, they should be here soon.”

“We really can’t get a break from all the drama can we?”

“It doesn’t look like it. Come on let’s go inside and wait for the cops it doesn’t look like he’s going to be getting up anytime soon.” Kelley wraps her arms around my waist and I put my arm around her shoulder; we walk back inside. When I see everyone staring I start to feel very self-conscious, I feel like I have to apologize.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin Thanksgiving.” A few of them just smile.

“This has been the most interesting Thanksgiving we’ve had in a really long time.”

“Yeah, besides it’s not like you made him come.”

“Hope you really have nothing to be sorry for, you didn’t mean for this to happen. I just wish you didn’t have to see the police so much.”

“Yeah me too, speaking of.” After speaking to the cops again and seeing my brother put in the back of the squad car I couldn’t feel more relieved about it. It’s already kind of late and most people are leaving. I’m surprised to see that the kids are asleep after everything that happened I don’t know how they could be sleeping. I’m feeling energized in a way, I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep. I decide to sit on the porch and look at the woods and the stars, it’s a beautiful night.

“Hey pretty lady, what are you doing out here?” 

“Nothing much, just looking at the stars.” She leans closer, I lift up my arm and she puts her head on my shoulder.

“Can I just say you were great tonight, I had no idea you could shoot like that.”

“Neither did I; but when I saw that gun pointed at you I couldn’t just sit there and not do anything.”

“You’re kidding me; you don’t know how to shoot?”

“No, I know how to shoot I just didn’t know that my aim was that good.” I can’t help but laugh.

“You’re really amazing, you know that.”

“Well I have my moments.” I sit there and listen to Kelley’s breathing; I feel her weight on me, her hand on my abdomen, and I realise that with everything that’s happened I feel safe, relaxed and completely comfortable here with Kelley. I realise she is my home I can handle anything. As long as I have her with me I can survive anything. 

“Kelley, will you marry me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hope you liked it! Let me know what you think. And if there are any Irish people I apologize if you don't find the stereotype funny, the same goes for people from the south.


	49. No

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks SwanQueenx!! You've made things so much easier for me. This chapter is pretty long so hope you guys enjoy it.

“Kelley, will you marry me?” 

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My head whips up when I hear those words, “Are you serious?”

“Yes. Kelley O’Hara will you marry me?”

“Hope? I can’t.” To be honest I can’t believe I’m saying this either but I know she’s just reacting to what has happened over the last two days. If she really wants this than I’m all for it, but I really don’t think she does.

“What? Why?”

“Because I really don’t think that’s what you want.”

“Kelley trust me it really is, I mean I asked you didn’t I?”

“Yes, but if your brother didn’t show up today, would you still have asked?” The look on her face tells me I’m right.

“Honestly I don’t know what would have happened today if my brother didn’t show up.”

“Nobody knows since he did show up, but where you even thinking about it before now, before you asked?” She shakes her head.

“Okay I’m not prepared, I get that but that doesn’t mean I don’t mean it.” This time I shake my head.

“I love you, and that’s why I’m saying no, because if this was real I would have said yes before you even finished your sentence. I want to know that you have really thought about this, I don’t want to have this fear in the back of my mind that you don’t really want this. I don’t want to walk down the aisle and see fear in your eyes; I don’t want to ever wonder if you feel trapped I don’t want to feel regret for ‘trapping’ you. I love you way too much for that. I would marry you in a heartbeat if I knew that’s what you really wanted. But right now I’m not sure it really is.”

“You’re right, I’m the one who needs to work through my issues. I will think about it, because I don’t want you to think that I’m not a 100% in this.” I know I may not have thought about it till now, and I know I don’t have a ring, or that I had a good proposal, but I think that I might want to marry Kelley, she is my home, my forever and always the one person I know I can never live without. But Kelley is right I can still have her for the rest of my life without asking her to be my wife.

“Besides you can always ask me again. Who knows maybe I’ll say yes next time.” She smirks and I know she is trying to lighten the mood, but she is right I can ask her again and next time it will be what she deserves, something that shows her how much she means to me.

“Okay that’s fair.” Kelley’s mom comes out with a blanket and some hot chocolate.

“I thought you two might be a little cold.”

“Thanks mom.”

“Thanks Karen.”

“What are you girls talking about?”

“Uh nothing.”

“Yeah we were just looking at the beautiful scene in front of us.”

“Really? I could have sworn I heard talk about a proposal?”

“Mom! Where you eavesdropping?”

“No, I was coming out to give you two a blanket and some hot chocolate when I heard the two of you talking.” I didn’t need to look at Hope to know she was wishing that the earth would swallow her whole right now. My mom can be so embarrassing sometimes.

“Mom there is nothing to tell okay.”

“All I’m saying is that I would be really happy; but it will be the two of you who are getting married, and you have to be comfortable with it.” 

“Thanks mom.”

“Karen, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Did it feel different once you got married? I mean you hear so many stories of people being together for years and then they barely make it a year as a married couple. Something has to change right?”

“To be honest it felt better than I ever thought it would, but I can’t exactly explain why. It was like….everything changed but it was still the same. Dan was still my best friend and I still loved him the same way, yet somehow I loved him more and he wasn’t the same person he was before he was more. I don’t know how else to explain it.”

“Sounds like you are trying to describe the feeling we get when we walk onto the pitch for those big matches. I hate when they ask what were you feeling, it’s indescribable.”

“Right; and it’s probably different for everyone. But I’m going to go inside and show that husband of mine what I’m thankful for.”

“Mom!”

“What? It’s a sign of a healthy relationship. Have a good night you two.” I could feel my face burning I really didn’t need to hear this, there are some things that you can know, but not, at the same time.

“Good night Karen.”

“Urg, I can’t believe my mom just said that.”

“I think it’s sweet, in a weird way.”

“Please tell me I did not just hear that.”

“Think about it they’ve been married for years and sometimes they still act like they are teenagers. Can you even imagine what my life would have been like if my parents were anything like yours.”

“Okay, yeah this is much better.” We go back to the way we were sitting before this time with a blanket over our laps and some hot chocolate in our hands. I sometimes forget how lucky I am to have a place like this to call home when Hope doesn’t have anything close to it. 

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When we get back to Seattle I call Carli. I needed my best friend as well as getting someone else’s perspective.

“Hey Carls how are you doing? How was your Thanksgiving?”

“Hey girl, I’m good you know just getting ready to go to training. It was good hanging out with the family; ate too much food as usual. How was it with Kelley and the family?”

“It was really great! I met some of her cousins too this time around. But you know me there is always some kind of drama. Remember when I told you that I was trying to get in contact with my brother?”

“Yeah I remember, let me guess; he was in Georgia.”

“Yeah he was, but I told the PI to look into his background too; you know I wanted to see if it was worth it to meet him. But he hadn’t changed at all. He was exactly like my father so I decided that I didn’t want to meet him. The thing is that he is married and has a son, so of course I had to meet my nephew.”

“From the way you’re talking I’m guessing it didn’t go well?”

“I didn’t actually get to meet him, but I did meet his mom, Julie. I found out that she is trying to get away from Marcus and has a restraining order against him. Marcus is smart though, the day we met he had actually sent one of his friends to check up on Julie. There was a little scuffle and he got arrested. But Marcus found out about our meeting and he showed up at Kelley’s parent’s place on Thanksgiving. Long story short he got arrested again.”

“Wow sounds like you had one hell of a Thanksgiving. But it sounds like a nightmare, you said it was great.”

“Well that was horrible but something else happened that makes it great. I kind of asked Kelley to marry me.”

“Whoa you and Kelley are engaged, how am I only hearing about this now? Congratulations.”

“We’re not engaged, she said no.”

“Hope, I’m so sorry do you need me to come up for a little while? I can…”

“Carli! Let me finish, she said no and she was right. I wasn’t thinking about it that morning, not even that week, I wasn’t really thinking about it at all until the moment those words came out of my mouth. The more I’ve been thinking about it the more I think that I really do want it; I want to start a family with her. Why wouldn’t I want to ask her to be my wife?”

“Well why haven’t you thought about it until now?”

“I don’t know; I liked the way everything was and I was scared what it would mean for our relationship.”

“So why now?”

“Because my brother showed up and I realised I was scared, I was scared of getting married and having the same relationship as my parents.”

“That’s stupid.”

“When you’re scared you do stupid things.”

“Hope there is no way your relationship with Kelley is anything like your parents, first off you have been together for almost three years, have you ever even come close to hitting her or telling her she’s worthless?”

“No, I would never.”

“Exactly, so what are you going to do about it?”

“I’m going to ask her again, properly this time.”

“Good, now what am I doing to help?”

“I don’t know yet, I’ll let you know when I do.”

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It’s been almost a month since Thanksgiving and we are back at Kelley’s parent’s house for Christmas. The time that I’ve spent with Kelley in Seattle has just made me more resolute to ask her to marry me. But I want to do it the right way, I need to get her parents alone so I can officially ask them, well more like tell them that I want to marry their daughter. Then I have to find a way to propose. I’ve always known that I’m not the most romantic person on the planet but I had no idea how hard that would make planning a proposal. 

I’m not surprised when they hug me; I had barely finished speaking and they wrap me up tightly.

“I’m so happy for the two of you. Can I see the ring?”

“Uhm actually I don’t have one yet, I’ve been trying to look but Kelley is always around and it’s really hard to find the perfect ring for her.”

“Well that’s what future mother in-laws are for. Trust me I can keep her busy and she can’t say anything, she’ll probably complain to you though.”

“I think I can handle that.”

This was probably the best Christmas I have ever had in my entire life, but I still hadn’t found the ring that would be perfect. And Karen was right Kelley did complain, a lot and I kind of felt bad about it but I couldn’t tell her why her mom was being as she put it ‘extra bossy’. On the last day I was feeling pretty down, I’d run out of time. We were going back in a few hours and I still had nothing, when we were busy taking our bags downstairs Dan called me to his office.

“From the look on your face I’m guessing that you still haven’t found what you were looking for.”

“No, I haven’t, I’ve looked at so many different rings and I still haven’t found the one.” He takes out a box from his drawer. The box looks really old.

“What do you think about this?” I open the box and inside is a simple, yet elegant ring. It’s four thin bands of white and yellow gold, in a weaved pattern with the top lined with diamonds.

“It was my grandmothers, before she died she gave it to me; she told me I would know what to do with it when the time came. At first I almost gave it to Karen, but somehow I knew it was meant for my daughter. And to be honest I thought my grandmother was a crazy when she said I would know what to do with it; but here I am knowing what to do with it. Just promise me she’ll be the most important thing in your life.”

“She already is Sir; I won’t be happy if she isn’t and I’ll do anything to make her smile every day for the rest of her life.”

“Good, now do you have somewhere to hide that or am I putting it in my pocket till we can get it in a bag?”

“Definitely put it in your pocket.”

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We spent new years’ with some of the girls. Kelley, Alex and Ali had a mini freak out when Lauren showed them her ring; they spent what felt like the next five hours talking about weddings and proposals and everything else that could involve getting married, and I realised that Kelley would have given all of this up…for me. 

“What are you smiling at Solo?”

“Just life in general Harris, just life in general.”

“Can you believe this? Now we’ll have to fend off our women until they get rid of their wedding fever.”

“Please Harris you know as well as I do that if Ali dragged you to a courthouse right now you wouldn’t hesitate.”

“Very true, but that doesn’t mean I want to listen to her talking about the ring the whole time, or what we are going to wear to the wedding.”

“I’m sure you can find a fun way to keep her quiet…at least about weddings.”

“Hope Solo did you just tell me to sleep with Ali?”

“It’s the new year no better way to start it.”

“Wow I can’t believe you just said that, what happened to the real Hope?”

“She found her place in the world.”

“Kelley has really done a number on you, hasn’t she?”

“There is nothing wrong with loving your life, and the people in it.”

“Tell me about it.”

“See you later Harris, I need to have a chat with Carli.”

“Thanks for coming out Carls.”

“You know I will be here when you need me. So what are we doing? Is tonight the night?”

“No that’s just too cliché, besides I still need to tell Alex and Tobin.”

“Are you crazy, Alex can’t keep a secret to save her life.”

“I’m hoping she’ll keep this, I need them to help me, maybe even some of the other girls.”

“Damn what exactly are you planning?”

“You’ll have to wait and see, I just need to find the perfect time when I can get everyone together then I’ll let you know what you have to do. You’re probably going to have to delegate some of the other girls.”

“Hey I can do that! What about the ring? Is it in a safe place?”

“Of course it is.”

“Do you have it with you?”

“No way, Kelley gets way too hands on when she gets drunk and it’s new year’s, you know she is going to get drunk tonight.”

“Fine so where is it, I’m dying to see it.”

“You can’t see it before Kelley does.”

“What! No! Why?”

“Because it’s hers, you can see it after I propose.”

“Can you at least tell me something about it?”

“I’m going to need a lot of sticky notes.”

“Sticky notes? Why would you need those?”

“Well sticky notes and a marker.”

“Solo you suck! I’m not talking to you anymore.”

“I’m sorry Carls, I just can’t risk it getting out.”

“But you’re going to tell Alex and Tobin.”

“Not now, but they’ll still have to keep it secret for a few days. And that’s when I’ll tell you why I need a lot of sticky notes. We’re going to need a trial run anyway.”

“Well it looks like your girl is looking for you.”

“Hey Solo! You promised me a dance.”

“Oh god, why did I promise her that? Please save me Carls.”

“You’re on your own.”

“Traitor.” I love Kelley but when she gets drunk and starts to dance I have no idea what to do. She grinds into me and I don’t know where my hands are supposed to go, or what I’m supposed to do with my hips. I know I’m supposed to move them, I just don’t know how. And of course it’s never just one dance. When a slow dance comes on she wraps her arms around my neck

“Are you sad that you’ll maybe never get to experience what Lauren is experiencing?”

“In a way I am sad about it; I would love to show off my ring and call my mom and scream on the phone. But even though I miss being able to do that, I have you, and there is nothing better in the world than having you.”

“Even if it means that you have to give some things up?”

“Babe what is this about?”

“I just saw how happy you were when Lauren showed you her ring, and I don’t want you to miss out on things, not if you don’t really need to.”

“Do you know why I was so happy?”

“Because Lauren is getting married?”

“No, it’s because I know she’s getting to spend the rest of her life with the person she loves; and I’m going to do the same thing.” She smiles and I know I don’t need to say anything else. Kelley spends most of the night dancing, sometimes with me but mostly alone; but that’s the night I know when I’ll ask Kelley to be my wife.

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Valentines day is coming and Kelley is in New Jersey with her team, everyone was preparing for the new NWSL season. Unfortunately for me I strained my hamstring in training and couldn’t do much, but on the plus side that meant that I could go see Kelley on Valentines day. She doesn’t know that I’m coming but I got her schedule from Cap so I know when she’ll be at training and when she’ll be done. Now I needed to make some plans and that means making some more calls.

Everything was going according to plan, I got to New Jersey when Kelley was going to training; I dropped off my stuff at her place and packed everything I need for the rest of the day. Once the car is packed I head to the field. They should almost be done by now. I’m so glad Cap is also part of the team it made getting access to the field so much easier. I walk and sit down on the bench watching as they practice, I don’t always get a chance to just watch her play, with no pressure and no need to do it perfectly; she looks so happy like this. Their practice is over and they do a little huddle before starting to walk off the field. She stops in her tracks and the smile on her face takes my breath away; she starts running over and all I hear is ‘Hoooooppe’ before she’s jumping on my lap, hugging me. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you.”

“What about practice?”

“I got a little niggle in my hamstring and was told no training for a few days, so I thought what better way to spend the day than with my favourite girl.”

“I’m so happy you’re here we are going to have so much fun.”

“Yes we are but first you need to go take a shower, you stink.”

“I do not!”

“Yes you do, and hurry up we have a lot of things to do today.”

“We do? Like what?”

“You’re going to have to wait and see.”

“I love surprises, I’ll be quick.”

“Can I wait in the locker room or do I have to wait out here?”

“I’m sure the girls won’t mind if you wait inside, besides I’ll take like 10 minutes maximum.”

“Great, let’s get going so we can start the first part of our adventure.”

“Adventure?”

“Just get going.”

“I’m so excited.”

After waiting for about 10 minutes for Kelley to take a shower and get ready we were in the car and of course she couldn’t wait to find out what we were going to do. If I didn’t have to concentrate on driving I might have been broken by her puppy dog eyes. And just as I expected she is surprised when she sees the rock climbing gym.

“Rock climbing? What are we doing here?”

“We are learning how to rock climb. You know for someone who went to Standford you can ask some obvious questions.”

“Why?”

“Because I think it would be fun to learn how to do something together.”

“Okay but why rock climbing.”

“Because it seems like there is a lot of things you can do, this seemed to be the only thing that I was kind of interested in that you didn’t know how to do already.”

“Okay cool. Let’s do this.”

I am enjoying myself but my competitive nature slightly hates the fact that Kelley is so much better at this than I am, maybe it’s because she is younger or maybe it’s my thigh but Kelley looks like a monkey on the wall and I feel like I look like a grandma. After an hour both Kelley and I are hungry and that means we are going to our next stop. This time instead of bugging me the whole way Kelley starts singing along to the radio. This time it’s not that big a surprise when she sees where we are, it’s the little hole in the wall sandwich place she loves but doesn’t always get a chance to go to because it’s in New York.

“Oh my god I can’t wait to have the meatball and cheese sandwich.” She is out of the car before I can even ask her if she’s sure that’s what she wants; she usually changes her mind often.

“Babe come on my stomach is practically eating itself over here.”

“I’m sorry, just making sure everything is set for our next stop.”

“We’re not done yet?”

“Nope we have two more stops to make after this.”

“Mmmm is there food involved, if there is I need to get something else to eat.”

“No food, until dinner of course. You can have the meatball sandwich if you really want it.”

“Thank you for brining me here.”

“Anything for you.”

We talked while eating our sandwiches, it was nice to sit in this small place and not worry about anyone bothering us since most of the people in here are too busy to look away from their food or phones. When we were finished eating we just sat for a while and talked, people watched us for a little bit and we’d get dirty looks when we laughed.

“Are you ready for our next stop?”

“Yes, but can I get a hint this time?”

“Sure, you’ll like it.”

“That’s mean.”

“I’m sorry but you can sing to the radio again.”

“Fine.”

When we get to the park she doesn’t seem all that impressed.

“We’ve been to central park a thousand times.”

“I’m pretty sure we haven’t.”

“Okay fine maybe not a thousand times, what so special this time.”

“Valentines day make it special.”

“I’m sorry baby I don’t mean to rude I was just hoping that we were going to do something new like the rock climbing.”

“Who said we weren’t going to do something new?” While we were talking I lead her to the horse carriages. 

“I’m pretty sure we haven’t been on one of these before.” She smiles and takes my hand before getting on the carriage.

“I’ve always wanted to go on one of these.”

“I know.”

It’s a little chilly with the wind blowing; we snuggle together and sneak a few kisses while enjoying the ride. I enjoy having Kelley in my arms like this; I kiss her on the forehead and wrap her a little tighter. When the ride is finished we get back in the car and go to our last stop

“What are we doing at Christie’s house?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see, this is our last stop for the day.”

When we get inside we are greeted by Reece and Riley. Kelley gets a little distracted playing with them while I go find Cap.

“Hey, are you guys ready to go?”

“Yes, I can’t believe we actually get to do this tonight.” We both turn when we hear Kelley, she let’s out a whistle when she sees Christie.

“Wow you are looking good tonight, are you and Chris going out?” Christie raises an eyebrow at me

“You didn’t tell her?”

“Tell me what?”

“Our last activity for the day is babysitting Reece and Rylie so Christie and Chris can go out, they need it way more than we do.”

“Hang on a sec; you volunteered us to babysit two little kids?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I thought it would be good practice.” I love seeing that smile on her face.

“Are you serious?”

“We’re here, aren’t we?”

“I love you! Tonight is going to be so much fun.”

“Okay we are leaving now, both of you have my number, Chris’s number is on the fridge as well as the emergency numbers.”

“Okay got it.”

“Have fun tonight you guys, and don’t worry about a thing we got this.”

“Okay, we should be back at around 9; bedtime is at 8:30.”

“Got it, now you should go or you’re going to miss your reservation.”

“Thanks you guys we really appreciate it, we don’t get a lot of time to ourselves.”

“Don’t worry about it, just go have fun.”

The night started off fine; we always got along well with the girls, but as time went on, it got a little harder. It all started when they snuck into the kitchen and ate a bunch of cookies all that sugar made them go crazy, they ignored everything we said, they wouldn’t sit still and they had way more energy than Kelley and me combined.

“We are in so much trouble.”

“They are going to be home soon, what are we going to do?”

“I have no idea, hope they hit their sugar crash now?” It was like our prayers were answered because soon after they started to slow down and get calmer again, then they were sleepy and we had enough time to give them a bath and get them into bed before Christie and Chris returned. The house was messy but at least they were asleep.

“Wow I have to say I’m surprised, I would have bet money that they would still be running around.”

“Well they are asleep, but the place is a little messy. We’re sorry about that.”

“It’s fine; as long as they are asleep you guys did great.”

“Okay then so we are going to go now. Have a good night guys.”

“Thanks again you two; enjoy the rest of the evening.”

“No problem.” When we get in the car we both burst out laughing.

“That was so much fun, but we’re not doing it again any time soon.”

“That’s for sure; who knew those girls could get so crazy.”

“It’s the sugar. “

“You ready to go home?”

“For sure, I’m tired.”

We go home and her roommates are still awake.

“Look who is back, what did you guys get up to today?”

“Went rock climbing, horse riding and babysitting; but now we are going to bed because it’s been a long day.”

“Babysitting?”

“I’ll tell you tomorrow, right now we are getting ready for bed and going to sleep; it’s been a long day.”

“Yeah sure, you’re going to bed.”

“Goodnight guys.”

We get ready for bed while I wait for Hope to get into bed I can see she is a little stiff.

“Do you want me to give you a massage? You’re looking a little stiff.”

“Would you mind? My shoulder is killing me too.”

“Come here; let’s see if I can help you with that.”

I start off slow, I’ve given her a few massages and I know what works to help get the knots out of her back and shoulder. I can feel when the knots are gone and I move to her thigh, I’ve never massaged her thigh especially one that’s strained, but I don’t think I can really do any harm and she doesn’t stop me so I give it a go. 

“Feeling better?”

“Much better, I was on the verge of falling asleep.”

“Thank you for today, it was really great; unexpected but great.”

“I had fun too, I’m glad you liked it.”

“I also want to thank you for the babysitting. It tells me that you are thinking about our future.”

“I figure I could use all the practice I can get. See how I handle the stress of it all I guess, make sure I don’t freak out like my parents.”

“I think you are going to be a great mom.”

“You always say that, what makes you think that?”

“Because your parents were so bad at it that you already know what you shouldn’t do, and figuring out what you need to do will come much easier when you already know what the wrong answer is.”

“You think?”

“Yeah I do; now one thing before we go to bed, when are you going home?”

“I have to leave tomorrow afternoon I have some photoshoots to do.”

“Aww really, I was hoping you would stay the weekend.”

“I know, but I can’t; I’m just glad we got the day together.”

“Me too, but since you are leaving tomorrow I have to thank you properly for today.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“I don’t know, maybe a little something like this.” I kiss her slowly; the kiss deepens when she tangles her hands in my hair. 

“Mmm tonight is going to be fun.”

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“Syd are you on this flight too?” I’m so glad we planned this getaway with the girls, I’ve missed just being able to hang out with them.

“Kelley!! Yeah girl I can’t wait to get in my bikini and have some fun in the sun. Where is your other half?”

“I’m meeting her there.”

“Wow could you sound more depressed about it.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that it’s our four year anniversary and I’ll barely get to see her today.”

“Aww boo I feel ya.”

“But anyway, how’s Boss doing?”

“He was so upset when I took him to his babysitter; I swear he knows it going to happen before we even get into the car.”

“It’s because you are so bad at hiding things.”

“Shut up, and get on the plane.”

I was starting to get a little nervous, Kelley was going to be here in a few hours and I still had so much to do, I’m thankful for my teammates I wouldn’t be able to do this without them. I pack the picnic basket I put the little box in there too to make sure I don’t forget or lose it; I make one call to make sure the offices will be empty and that we’ll be able to turn on the lights. Once I’m sure that is set I finish writing the clues; when that’s done I give them to my teammates , with instructions. I look at my watch Kelley should be at the hotel soon I need to go before she sees me. I grab everything I need and pack it in the taxi before taking off towards the beach.

I’m so excited I can’t wait to see Hope, I can’t believe it’s already three and I haven’t heard anything from her yet, even after I sent her a slightly inappropriate text this morning of what I would have done if she was there with me in bed. I’m hoping the reason is that she hasn’t seen it yet and has forgotten to check her phone is because she’s been busy with my gift. The first person I run into is Pinoe.

“Hey squirrely where are you off to in such a hurry?”

“Going to see Hope.”

“Oh she just left but she asked me to give you this.” She hands me an envelope and walks off to wherever she was planning on going in the first place. I’m excited when I open the envelope. I’m a little confused there is only a single sentence written and it’s not romantic at all. 

‘In your room you will find the next one.’ I guess I’m going to my room. When I get inside there is a single rose on the bed on top of another envelope. I pick up the rose and open the envelope.

‘I know you’ll be hungry but start with dessert, you deserve it after the ‘rocky road’ you took to my heart.’

That’s a little better I guess, clearly I’m supposed to get ice cream the only question is where? I’ll just have to ask where I can find rocky road downstairs. After getting directions I set off to find some ice cream. It’s really hot out and the ice cream is going to taste really good. I’m a little surprised when Alex is at the little ice cream store.

“Hey baby horse what are you doing here?”

“I’ve been waiting for you actually, here you go.” She hands me another rose and envelope, I open it reading aloud.

“There is something that you can stare at for hours on end, (besides me) go to the closest one.” The first thing that pops into my mind after reading it is the ocean, but I didn’t know where the closest one was.

“Alex where is the closet beach?” She smiles and gives me directions adding that I have to go to the pier for my next clue. I set off and follow Alex’s directions and at the end of the pier I find Tobin staring out at the ocean with a rose and envelope in her hands.

“Hey dude, glad you finally made it!”

“It didn’t take me that long.”

“Here you go, these are for you.” I open the envelope but there is nothing inside.

“What the…” Tobin has a blindfold in her hands.

“Sorry dude, I’m on strict orders.”

“Seriously?”

“It’s just a short walk I promise; now let’s get this on you.” I turn around and Tobin ties the blindfold behind my head. She takes me by the hand and we start walking, she lets me know when we are going to turn and when we are going to start walking on the sand. After a while we stop and that’s when I hear Hope.

“Let me take off the blindfold for you.” I can’t help but smile, her voice and touch instantly make me feel happier. I smile even more when I see a cute little picnic laid out in front of me, there are plates set out and champagne glasses with a basket to the side; she takes my hand. 

“Come on sit down.” She leads me closer and helps me sit down.

“I can’t believe you did all of this.”

“It’s an important day.” She gives me a quick kiss “Four years is a long time and to be honest if someone had told me that I would be this happy in my life I would have told them they were crazy.”

“I’m really happy too, I still somehow can’t believe that it’s been four years.”

“I know it’s a little crazy.” She takes out different kinds of foods; from breakfast foods to dinner foods.

“I couldn’t decide what you would like more, and your favourite food changes so regularly that I decided to be prepared and I brought anything that you could want.” I kiss her and settle in her lap.

“This is amazing, what Dawn doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” Hope asks me what I want and she puts it on my plate before getting some food for herself. We enjoy the food, view and each other’s company after eating a lot of the food Hope gets up and goes to the basket again. I expect to see her take out some kind of dessert but my heart stops when I see her take out a small jewellery box, the perfect size for a ring. She sets in down in front of me and says,“I got you something special since it’s our anniversary.” She opens the box and inside are earrings, I instantly feel sad it’s not what I was expecting at all and it must have shown on my face.

“Don’t you like them? I can take them back.”

“No, no I love them they’re really pretty; it’s just that I don’t have your gift with me and I don’t think mine is nearly as nice as yours.”

“That’s okay I wasn’t expecting you to have my gift with you, and I’ll love whatever you give me.” We talk some more, and watch the sunset together, when everything is packed up Hope takes my hand in hers and says  
“I hope you still have some room left for dessert.” 

To be honest I was feeling deflated. I thought she was going to propose, when I saw the box I already started thinking about having our wedding here on the beach, and when I saw those earrings I just felt deflated. But she is looking at me hopefully and I know we are going somewhere because the basket is already packed.

“I always have space for dessert.” We walk back to the sidewalk and then head in the direction of the hotel, she takes me to the coffee shop, which I wasn’t expecting, but they do have cheesecake. While we order Hope takes out her phone and sends a text.

“Just letting Alex know you’ll be back soon.” Then she leads me to a table that says ‘Reserved’

“You reserved the table?”

“I wanted us to have this nice view.” It wasn’t really that great of a view, we could partially see the ocean most of it was blocked out by a big building. Hope’s phone rings, she frowns.

“It’s Tom, I’ll be right back.” I walk away from Kelley just far enough that she can’t hear what I’m saying“Is everything set up?”

“We are set the girls are sticking these sticky notes on as fast as they can, just make sure she doesn’t notice it.”

“It’s going to be fine, you picked her family up from the airport.”

“Yeah they are all here and ready, just go do your job. And can I just add why are we using sticky notes again?”

“Urg, because we aren’t allowed to write on the widows, and this is the only way I could think of to write but not write, and thanks Carls I owe you.”

“ You better remember that Solo.”

“Gotta go, see you soon.”

I can see her talking on the phone but I can’t hear what she is saying, she does look happy so I’m guessing it’s good news. While I wait I take out my phone and go through Instagram, when she gets back, I smile up at her.

“What was that about?”

“Oh nothing serious, he was just making sure that my thigh is all healed up and I’m ready to go.” We talk some more and when our dessert is finished we are about to leave when she points to something.

“What’s that?” I turn to look at what she is pointing at. The lights from the big building that was partially blocking our view turns on, on the building windows, in big letters all in different colours, the words ‘Will you marry me?’ are written. Great like I really need to see this right now. While I turn back around I start saying, “Let’s just go back…”   
In front of me Hope is down on one knee...

“Hope??” My heart starts racing and I feel tears in my eyes, is this really happening? She takes my hand and says, “I’ve been thinking about this since I first said the words “marry me.” I’m glad you said no back then because since then I’ve thought of every reason why we should not get married and every time I find the best reason why we should, because we love you each other, and I will always love you no matter what happens. You are my home, the place where I can always go and feel safe, and that is why I am down on one knee asking you to be my wife, to spend the rest of your life with me. Will you say yes?” I slam so hard into her when I hug her that she falls back over. 

“Yes, yes and a million times yes, I would love to be your wife.” Tears are streaming down my face, I plant a bunch of kisses all over her face before kissing her on the lips; I’m just so happy I don’t know how long we stay like that and I don’t know when everyone got there but it feels like suddenly I hear people clapping. When I look at where it was coming from not only are most of my teammates there but also my family.

“Mom! Dad! How did you get here?” I run over to give them both a hug.

“Erin! Check it out.” I hold out my hand to show her the ring, but it’s not on my finger; we both start laughing.

“I should probably get that.” Hope is right behind me she puts the ring on my finger and everyone starts clapping again. We spend the rest of the night celebrating with our friends and family; we even end up helping with getting the sticky notes off the windows and I get to hear about how everyone knew this was coming except for me and that if it wasn’t for Carli this wouldn’t even have happened. 

When we walk back to our room Kelley snuggles into my side.

“We need to spoil Carli tomorrow, thank her for everything she did for us tonight.”

“Way ahead of you baby, she is booked for a day at the spa with Brian tomorrow. I figured they can use the time together.”

“Aww you’re such a sweetheart. Did I tell you yet how much I loved what you did today?”

“Only a hundred times, but I don’t mind hearing it again. And I’m really glad that you liked it.”

We take a shower together and get ready for bed; we talk some more before Kelley falls asleep. As I lie in bed with Kelley in my arms I realise that I’m not just loved and in love with the most amazing person in the world but I also have the best people in my life. I know she’s asleep but I say it aloud anyway, “I love you, thank you for being the perfect person for me; thank you for loving the imperfect parts of me, thank you for letting me be the best version of me.” I’m startled when she replies, “Babe thank you for loving my immature nature, and changing your view on what you thought your life was going to be so we can be happy; thank you for letting me have big dreams.” 

“I thought you were asleep.”

“No, I’m just extremely content and relaxed right now, and just so you know I love that big mushy heart of yours too.”

“Well just so you know I love that gigantic stomach of yours too, even though it will probably lead us to bankruptcy.”

“Hey don’t be mean.”

“I’m sorry you were being really sweet.”

“Are you sleepy?”

“I’m tired but I can’t seem to fall asleep, think you can help me with that?”

“Do you want to order some milk?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of an orgasm or two.” She quirks her eyebrow at me.

“Only if you return the favour.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you go, I hope you liked it. Let me know what you thought.


	50. In between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to SwanQueenx for getting this back to me so fast. Can you guys believe it's the 50th chapter didn't think it would be this long when I started it. Hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Year's.

When I wake up I try to cuddle closer to Kelley, but she’s not there. I frown before opening my eyes and sit up, scanning the room. 

“Kelley?” I wait for a reply but I don’t hear anything. I grab some shorts and a sports bra before I start looking for my phone when the door opens.

“Kelley is that you? Do you know where my phone is?” I keep looking for my phone without turning around.

“Mmmm and everyone always talks about my butt.” I laugh.

“Down girl, we have brunch with our friends and family today, and I promised Carli a spa day, remember? Where the hell is my phone?” I stand up and scan the bedside table and floor next to the bed.

“Have you tried the bathroom, you were busy with it when you were brushing your teeth last night.” I go to the bathroom and it was right there where she said.

“Found it. Holy shit Kelley it’s already 10, how did I sleep so late?” I walk back out and Kelley is holding a cup of coffee.

“Calm down we still have an hour before brunch, you slept late because you had an exhausting day and night yesterday, and because you looked so peaceful I couldn’t wake you up. But I did bring you some coffee.” I give her a kiss.

“I love you so much for this.” I take my first sip and I already feel more awake “Aaaah that hits the spot.” Kelley wraps her arms around me.

“Good morning baby.” I lean down and give her a kiss.

“Mmmm good morning, how are you so awake?”

“I already had my coffee fix.” This time she kisses me, “But we should get ready if we want to be on time for brunch.”

“Shower with me?” She pulls of her shirt and walks to the bathroom. “I guess that’s a yes.”

I’m surprised when everyone is on time for brunch, even Pinoe made it. We are a big group and we take up most of the space in the restaurant. We start to get really loud once everyone has given their food order. Everyone is having their own conversation ranging from what they want to do later today to when they have to go back, some are even talking about the new NWSL season and how the teams are shaping up. Everything gets quiet again when food starts arriving and we are busy eating. After brunch Kelley and I take Carli to the spa for her day of pampering, or at least 5 hours worth.

“So what are we doing now?”

“We are going to the beach, because I know you are dying to surf and I’m going to get a nice tan.”

“You don’t want to surf with me?”

“No I do not, besides you have Tobin and Ash for that.”

“They are not you.”

“Yeah they can actually surf, you know you’ll have a better time with them than with me, and you know what. It’s okay that we don’t do everything together.” 

Kelley spends the whole afternoon surfing with Tobin and Ash; I spend my time on the beach reading and taking a nap, chatting with Alex and Ali before they go paddle boarding. When the sun starts setting I start packing everything up except my towel and book. I don’t know when they will actually be done but I know they will be starving. I’m so lost in my book I don’t see Kelley walking up the beach, next thing I know there is a shadow over me and then I’m wet.

“What the hell? Kelley that is not cool.”

“I’m sorry I just couldn’t resist.”

“You are lucky you are so smart and cute.”

“I know, but now I’m starving can we get some dinner?”

“Of course we can, is everyone ready?”

“We’re just waiting for you.”

“Then let’s go.” I pick up my towel and shake some of the sand off before stuffing it in the bag that has the umbrella and other towels in it.

After dinner everyone goes off to do their own thing, Hope and I go for a walk along the beach; the excitement of the engagement is still high but there are still a lot of questions that I don’t know the answer to and it’s starting to worry me. The most important one is where are we going to live.

“When you get that look on your face I’m either going to get worried, stressed, happy or excited. So which one is it this time?”

“Most likely stressed and worried.”

“Okay, so what are you thinking about?”

“I’m wondering where we are going to live; I don’t want to live hundreds of miles away from you. There are no transfers available right now, and we have to find a date for the wedding so we can find a timeline for planning the wedding.”

“That’s a lot of things to worry about, I don’t want to live far away from you either but for right now there is nothing we can do about it, until one of us can transfer. Next we just got engaged we don’t have to have everything figured out by tomorrow; let’s take this time to just enjoy being together and then well think about when we want to get married.”

“I think I should go to Seattle.”

“And why is that?”

“Because you have a house there, a real house not some apartment that you share with roommates, you have pets and it’s your home, it’s where you are comfortable. I don’t mind as much where I live as long as I can play soccer and visit my family.”

“You want to move to Seattle, where it rains for most of the year?”

“You love it there, and like I said before we already have a house in Seattle, and I can play soccer; I’m also pretty sure that there is an airport.”

“Well see now we already have part of the problem solved, we need to get you a transfer to Seattle. It will probably be easier if we tell the coaches why we want the transfer, I’m sure they will do what they can.”

“I have a good relationship with my coach, what about you?”

“I guess it could be better but it’s not terrible.”

“Okay so first thing we do when we get back is try to get me a transfer.”

“And once you are in Seattle we can decide on a date and plan everything together.”

“You want to help with the planning?”

“Well yeah, I know I didn’t think I would get married but I don’t want you to do everything by yourself.”

“I would love it if you help.” I give her a quick peck and she smiles.

Before I know it the week is over and it’s time to go back, I can’t remember the last time I felt so sad about leaving Hope. She must sense that I’m really bummed because she keeps holding my hand and she hugs me a lot more than usual; she even gave me a kiss on the forehead while we were waiting for our flights. Her flight was before mine and when it was time for her to go past security I felt like crying; she gives me a long hug and says, “We’ll see each other before you know it, I’ll text you constantly and we can skype or facetime. Don’t be so sad okay.” 

I just shake my head knowing it will crack if I speak. She adjusts her arms slightly and rests her chin on top of my head, I nuzzle into her chest and place a quick kiss over her heart; she kisses the top of my head. When she lets go my heart sinks she looks me in the eye.

“I love you, see you soon.” As she walks away she waves and says “Bye.” 

I wave back “Bye.” I sit with Erin and she can tell I’m upset.

“Hey, you’ll see her soon.”

“I know, I just wish we didn’t have to be apart at all.”

“I know it’s not ideal but you’ll figure it out. At least you know where you stand with her; some people don’t even know that much.”

“Is Daniel giving you trouble? You know dad, Jerry and Hope will; uhm help you out with that.”

“I don’t need him to get hurt, I just want to know where we are going.”

“Have you asked him about it?”

“No Kelley, I’ve been keeping this to myself and suffering in silence.”

“So what did he say when you asked?”

“He just gets evasive; why do we need to talk about this? Aren’t you happy? We’re in a relationship what more do you want? I don’t know if I want to be with him anymore.”

“Then why are you?”

“Because I love him, and I don’t know if I can walk away; but I feel like I have to.”

“Then you should tell him that, and if he doesn’t change his answer then you know what to do.”

“I know, but I’m scared.”

“I know you are I would be too, but you know what you have to do. You wouldn’t have told me if you didn’t already know what you have to do.”

“Yeah, thanks Kell.”

“That’s what sisters are for; now how about we talk about something more cheery like your maid of honour dress.” I smile when I see it register.

“I’m your maid of honour!?” She has tears in her eyes.

“There is no one else I would want, and just so you know Tobin and Alex will be bridesmaids; I still have to ask them so keep it on the DL.”

She hugs me tightly “You are the best sister ever! I can’t wait to help you with the planning this is going to be great! Oh we can have a weekend with mom she’ll love this.”

“She would! And we can watch wedding movies on the first night to get some more ideas, can you say 27 dresses.” I’ve gotten so caught up by talking about the wedding that time has just flown by and I hear the announcement for my flight.

“Ooooh, well played Erin well played.”

“Eh it’s what sisters do.”

“Is the Daniel story true or was that just part of the setup?”

“I wish it wasn’t true.”

“Sorry sis.”

“What are you gonna do? Now get on your flight and call me when you can.”

“Love you sis.”

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It’s been a month since I last saw Hope and right now I’m at the airport with my teammates waiting for our flight to Seattle, we have a match tomorrow and I can’t wait to get there. I’m chatting with some of my teammates when I hear my name being called.

“Kelley can I talk to you real quick.” I see that it’s the coach calling me over, my heart rate increases instantly ever since I told him about wanting to move to Seattle he has been giving me a hard time, I knew it would have caused some problems but he’s made me feel guilty for wanting to move to Seattle.

“Yeah coach.”

“I know you are really excited about going to Seattle, but I expect you to stay with the team tonight and tomorrow night.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yes, I want you to focus on the match; I don’t want you to go soft out on the pitch.”

“I’ll never do that, I’m a professional but I don’t understand why I have to be with the team when the match is over.”

“It’s about team chemistry.”

“Our team chemistry is great! Not being with the team for one night might actually do some good.”

“I’ve already talked to the trainers; everyone is to stay at the hotel tonight and tomorrow no exceptions; are we clear?”

“Yes coach.” I go back to my seat, I want to be with Hope tomorrow after the game, and now I have to stay at the hotel with everyone else. If I didn’t need him to help me with my transfer I would not be staying with the team tomorrow night.

“Is he still being a sour puss about you wanting to leave?”

“Yeah, I really didn’t think he would have such a problem with it.”

“Well if you look at it from his point of view he’s bleeding players at the moment; he has to be under a lot of stress and you are one of the most important players we have right now.”

“I know but right now he is keeping me from seeing Hope and that’s not making me feel very sympathetic.”

“What did he say exactly?”

“That everyone should be at the hotel today and tomorrow, no exceptions.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t see Hope that just means you have to be at the hotel.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Why don’t you ask Hope if she can stay at the hotel, I’m sure some of the girls would be willing to move around a bit to give you two some privacy.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, we all know how hard it is to have, and keep a relationship going especially while still playing, never mind when two players have a relationship.”

“Thanks Cate, I’m going to miss having you around all the time.”

“Ah you can’t get rid of an Aussie that easy. Now call your girl and set this thing up, I’ll start talking to the girls.”

“Okay and uh keep it on the down low, just the players he has the trainers and other staff keeping an eye on me.”

“Gotcha!”

It took some time and convincing but we got it all sorted by the time we made it to Seattle. Now I just have to hope that everything goes according to plan and we don’t get caught. We go through our pre game routine and everyone does their rituals including me eating a donut. When I wake up the next morning I send a quick text to Hope and she replies this will be our only interaction until the game. On game day we go through the normal routine and the whole time I have this nagging feeling that something isn’t right, that something’s off. I feel a sense of relief when we get to the stadium for the game; so far nothing has gone wrong and the feeling has mostly disappeared. As soon as the game starts everything else disappears and I’m just playing the game I love. We are still tied at zero during half time, but I still think it’s one hell of a match. We get our instructions in the locker room and rehydrate before walking back onto the pitch. The game is getting tough, which is also making it a bit more physical; my heart skips a beat when Lisa and Hope collide, both are down on the ground but Lisa gets up and Hope is still down. I start to move closer but I stop as soon as Hope gets on her knees before standing up and walking back, although a bit gingerly. The game starts up again, I don’t know much but I know there isn’t a lot of time left when I get the ball I run up the left flank, I pass one defender before passing the ball. I keep running, heading towards the goal. There is a little scuffle in the goal box and we get awarded a corner; I see the ball heading in my general direction and I run to try and head it into the goal. I jump but Hope makes it to the ball before me, unfortunately I can’t stop mid-air. We collide in the air and I feel pain on the side of my head and next thing I know I’m looking up at the sky with some of my teammates standing over me as well as the team doctor.

“Wha…what happened?”

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Running with the ball and passing to…someone.”

“How are you feeling? Dizzy? Nauseous?”

“I’m feeling confused and my head hurts, what happened?”

“You got hit on the side of the head; you were out for a few seconds. To be safe we’re going to take you to the hospital. I need you to hang tight and let us strap you in and get you to the hospital.”

“Yeah, okay.” While I lie there getting my neck and head stabilized I can hear the announcement of my replacement as well as one for Hope.

“Hang on a sec, what happened to Hope? Is she okay?”

“Don’t worry about anything; just let us get you to the hospital.”

“Just tell me if she’s okay.” I start struggling trying to see where Hope is.

“Calm down, you can make your injury worse.”

“Just tell me if she’s okay!”

“Kelley calm down, her shoulder got hurt, but it doesn’t seem that bad, now let them help you.” I release an audible breath.

“Thanks cap, see you later.”

“Take care of yourself and listen to these people, got it?”

“Got it.”

The sounds of the sirens are so much louder than I thought they would be now that I am actually inside the ambulance. My head is starting to kill me and when we get to the hospital I’m greeted by a doctor and get asked a bunch of questions before getting a MRI. It turned out I had a concussion and needed to stay at the hospital for observation. Some of my teammates came to see me but they had to leave and go back to the hotel. I don’t know how long I was in there before Hope arrived, her arm was in a sling and I could tell it wasn’t the best news. She smiles and says, “Look at the two of us, we are such a mess.”

“We’re a good mess. What’s wrong with your shoulder?”

“Nothing too serious, just a tendon rupture. Luckily I don’t need surgery but I can’t play for a while and I need to rehabilitate it. How are you feeling?”

“I have a headache, but other than that I don’t feel too bad.”

“What did the doctor say?”

“I have a concussion, so I have to stay here for the night; I’m sorry we won’t get to spend time together tonight.”

“Who said that?”

“I have to stay here for the whole night, maybe even tomorrow.”

“So what, I’m a patient here too.”

“You are?”

“Technically I don’t need to be here but the doctor was a fan and I convinced her to let me stay with you, on the condition that she gets a picture with us before we leave.”

“That sounds like a good deal to me.”

“It’s a great deal because I get to spend the night with you like we planned.”

“Not exactly.”

“Okay yeah not exactly, but I still get to spend time with you and that’s all I wanted.” I lean down and kiss her forehead “Now we just need to figure out how I can stay out of trouble, hospital rules and all that.”

“That won’t be too hard, just change rooms, get your chart and take the bed next to mine, it’s empty.”

“Look at you using that big Stanford brain of yours.”

“It may be a little rattled but it still works.”

“Why don’t you check to see if there is a movie we can watch, while I make the switch.” I casually walk back to my bed, I grab my stuff with my chart, and walk back to Kelley’s room acting as normal as I can. When I get back to the room Kelley is just lying in bed looking bored.

“Nothing good on TV?”

“I can’t watch TV, or read or do anything that takes a lot of concentration.”

“Are you serious?”

“I jumbled my head really good.”

“Well I’m sure we can think of something else to do, we do have this room all to ourselves with no teammates or roommates to interrupt."

“I’m not allowed to do anything too physical, plus my heart rate is being monitored, the nurses are keeping an eye on it.”

“Wow this is really not going as planned; I guess we’re going with plan C.”

“And what does that plan entail?” 

“A book and one bed.”

“I’m not allowed to read.”

“But I still can, now move over, make some space.” I rummage around in my bag looking for a book that we will both like. I sigh and pull out Dear John by Nicholas Spark the only reason I have this book is because Kelley told me I needed to read more positive books.  
She laughs when she sees the book “My big bad goalkeeper is reading Dear John.”

“It’s your fault you told me I needed to read something more positive.” When I get into the bed next to her I realise that we need to switch places, Kelley can’t lie on my injured arm. We both realise this and laugh before switching places. After settling in I realise that it’s really hard to hold the book with just my one hand in the position we are right now.

“Babe I’m going to need you to hold the book.” I feel her shake as she laughs, she is really enjoying this. “If you want me to read to you you’re going to have to stop laughing and help.” I can’t help but laugh too.

“I’m sorry this is just so funny, look at us, I can’t read so you are going to read for me, but you can’t hold the book so I have to hold it for you.” I didn’t really think about it like that.

“It just goes to show how well we fit together.” She looks up at me her eyes flash to my lips before looking back at me, I smile and lean in closer. We share a slow tender kiss only to be interrupted by a nurse.

“What is going on here?”

“Oh well, uhm we’re just about to start reading this book.”

“Of course you were, I’m sorry but two people aren’t allowed on the same bed,” she steps back out of the room and looks at something before adding “And according to our records there is only supposed to be one person in this room.”

“Right, well I was alone in my room and she was alone in hers so we thought there would be no harm in sharing a room.”

“And a bed by the looks of it.”

“She’s not allowed to read and I can’t hold the book.”

“And most people think athletes are stupid, just be more careful okay?”

“Of course.” When the nurse leaves we start laughing again “Okay, okay let’s start this book before we get into trouble again.” Kelley snuggles in and holds the book while I read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it, lemme know what you thought. Don't know when the next chapter will be up, vacation is coming up and I'm traveling.


	51. Road trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I want to apologize for taking so long to update this story, I don't know how but I lost the chapter and had to rewrite it, I've also been pretty busy and I just didn't have the motivation to write it. But here is the next chapter and hopefully you won't have to wait too long for the next update. Shout out to SwanQueenx.

When the alarm goes off, I groan, turn it off and bury my head deeper into the pillow while bringing the covers over my head, I feel like I just fell asleep. Just when I’m about to fall back asleep someone is lightly shaking me.

“Kell, time to get up or we won’t leave on time.”

“Mmmmm, I don’t care.” I bury myself deeper in the bed.

“I already made you some coffee.”

“Don’t care.” She sighs loudly.

“Just remember I tried to wake you up nicely first.” Suddenly all of the covers are pulled off and I feel something cold against the back of my neck that makes me jump up.

“What was that?”

“An ice cube, now get ready we have a lot of driving to do and if we don’t leave soon we’ll be late and you won’t get to spend time with Christen.” I perk up a little bit thinking about why we actually are leaving this early in the morning.

“Fine, where is my coffee, I need to wake up before I attempt getting dressed.” Hope hands me a cup of coffee I take a sip.

“How are you so awake already? It’s 3:30.”

“I’ve never had a problem waking up early.”

“You’ve already had coffee haven’t you?”

“Of course, I knew it would be a struggle to wake you up, I told you last night to go to bed early.”

“Yeah yeah, I’m up now.” I hand her my cup, “Getting dressed now. Do we have food?”

“No, I thought we could stop on the way and get breakfast it’s too early to eat.”

“Good point.” I lean in and give her a quick peck. “Thanks for the coffee and waking me up.”

“You’re welcome, now put on some pants and let’s get going.”

Once we get on the road I’m not awake for long and when Hope wakes me up the sun is shining against the window, the glare making it impossible for me to read the name of the diner.

“I’m starving” she says as she grabs her wallet and gets out of the car, she pulls up her pants a little and looks at me, smiling she says “Come on I know you have to starving as well.”

“I need food and coffee” I say as I get out of the car. I lace our fingers together once we reach the front of the car.

“I can’t believe it took so long for me to be able to move.”

“What you should be focusing on is that you are finally moving and soon we won’t have to worry about distance and time difference.”

“It’s going to be so much fun waking up with you in our house.”

“It still sounds weird, our house.”

“I know, but it’s going to be great, I just wish we could be there already.”

“Well it’s your fault, I still don’t understand why you didn’t just fly up.” I gasp.

“I could never leave my baby, she’s been with me for so many years, and I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to have a road trip.”

“It’s just a car, Kell.” I gasp again.

“You did not just say that about Miranda, you are not allowed to drive her again.”

“So you will be driving all the way to Seattle?”

“Yes!”

“Great, just don’t get lost.”

“Miranda always gets me to where I need to go.”

Soon after our food arrives and we are mostly quiet while we eat, talking a little about where we have to stop and what we’ll be doing in Chicago. When we get back to the car Hope tosses me the keys.

“This time I’m taking a nap.”

Our first stop in Chicago is Christen’s apartment, she takes us to the cloud gate and we take a few silly and fun pictures, after that we grab some lunch. She takes us to a Vietnamese restaurant that she likes and the food is amazing. I have no idea what I ate I just know it’s good. After our meal we walk around for a bit before heading to Sears tower, which I find out is now called Willis tower, who knew. The view from the top is breathtaking I would never have said that Chicago is such a beautiful city; I’m absolutely breathless when I stare out at the city, it’s not dark yet, the sun is still setting, and the lights have been turned on it’s just amazing. The only complaint I have is that it’s really cold, no wonder they call it the windy city. We had dinner at the restaurant, I don’t know if the food was actually that good or if it’s because the view was that good. After dinner all of us were pretty exhausted; I can’t remember the last time I fell asleep that quickly.

We woke up late the next morning, we didn’t set an alarm before going to bed, so we had a quick breakfast before saying goodbye to Christen and continuing our journey. For most of the day we’ll be driving to our next destination, Mount Rushmore, or at least to the hotel we’ll be staying at before going; for most of the drive we talked, sometimes we sang songs, we stopped at diners and restaurants and ate food that we weren’t supposed to but we were having fun. We got to the hotel later than we planned, but the late start was a blessing in disguise we just missed a big tour group checking in. We order some food and fall asleep almost immediately after, driving so much is exhausting.

As usual I wake up before Kelley, I quickly go to the bathroom and then order us some food before getting back into bed and pulling her closer to me. She sighs and snuggles into me; it brings a smile to my face and I can’t help but just look at her. Sometimes I still wonder how I got lucky enough to have met and fallen in love with Kelley. I lightly trace the side of her face with my finger, before moving some hair out of her face, I place a kiss on her forehead and I look at her my mind wandering to our future together, until there was a knock on the door. Kelley groans and I get up to answer the door; it’s our breakfast and as soon as Kelley smells the food she is up and ready to eat.

“You are the best.”

“We need some sustenance for the day.” The smell of coffee mixed with food has my mouth watering. After taking my first sip I look at Kelley, she’s looking back at me and I know that look all too well.

“You know this food is way too much for the amount of walking we’ll be doing, I think we need to add an extra activity to our schedule.” I quirk my eyebrow and smile.

“And what is it that you have in mind?”

“Well once we finish how about we have a little wrestling match, I feel pretty confident that I can beat you.”

“Really? And what makes you say that?”

“I’ve been working out.” She lifts her shirt slightly and I can see the outline of her abs, my mouth goes completely dry and I swallow trying to get myself under control.

“I can see that.”

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When we finally make it outside it’s overcast and windy; and on our way to the mountain it starts to rain. It’s not too bad but I don’t want to get out in the rain, Kelley on the other hand looks like a kid in a candy store she’s practically rushing out the door before I even park the car.

“Kelley! It’s raining.”

“So, what’s your point?”

“We’re going to get wet.”

“Again, what does that have to do with anything?”

“I don’t want to get wet.”

“Hope it’s a little rain, it won’t hurt you and the worst thing that’s going to happen is you’ll get wet, live a little.”

“I don’t need to get wet to live a little.”

“You didn’t seem to mind getting a little wet earlier.”

“That’s completely different” I say, blushing a little.

“It doesn’t have to be, don’t you remember what it was like to be a kid and wanting to run around in the rain only to have your parent tell you not to.”

“There was a reason they told us not to run around in the rain.”

“Okay, it’s not cold enough for us to get sick, and it’s not raining enough for us to get completely soaked. Come on, it will be fun.” I’m finding it really hard to say no to her right now, and she is right there really is no harm in going out in the rain.

“Fine, let’s go.” I won’t admit it but I had fun running in the rain. It became a competition to see who could make it there first, Kelley got there first but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t get something out of running behind Kelley, the rain has her clothes all wet and it’s sticking to her body, I can see her muscles working in her legs, back, and butt as she runs. I have to concentrate really hard to not day dream about this morning. Once we get to the end Kelley turns around triumphantly.

“Come on old lady you’re almost done.” She’s huffing and puffing while she smirks at me.

“Hey, you’re going to marry this old lady.” I lean on my knees huffing, the run was harder than I thought it was going to be. 

“Damn right I am.” I look at her and she’s smiling “See it was worth running through the rain to see this.” We were the only people left at the top, everyone else taking shelter from the rain “And admit it, you had fun.”

“Yes I did, and you’re right it was worth it.” When we were done, instead of running, we walked back, taking in more of the scenery and enjoying each other’s company. When we got back to the car it was still raining and we were really wet. We didn’t have any other option but to get in and drive back to our hotel, we were only continuing our journey the next day.

“So a hot shower and then what are we doing?”

“We’ve been traveling a lot; I think we should take a break tonight; watch a movie and go to bed kind of early, get an early start tomorrow.”

“Extra cuddling time sounds good to me.” After showering and getting food we settle in bed scanning through the channels for something to watch we couldn’t decide on a movie, I don’t know why we would agree on a show, but eventually we end up watching Glee reruns. Kelley mouths most of the dialogue and sings along to the songs, I can’t help but smile at how much she is enjoying herself. I’m not sure when I fall asleep but I wake up to the TV still being on and Kelley splayed over most of my body. I move slowly and turn off the TV before readjusting myself and Kelley into a more comfortable position. I place a soft kiss on her forehead and soon after I fall asleep.

For the next three days we are mostly driving, only stopping for food and rest; I don’t think I have ever been as happy to be back in Seattle as I was when we drove past the sign. I’m excited for the next part of our lives together, I’ve never felt comfortable enough to have someone live with me in my house; this will be the first time. Once we get there we immediately unpack the car and take a shower before taking a nap. I’m woken from my nap by Kelley placing soft kisses on my jaw and neck. I move a little to give her more access and I can feel the smile on her face as she moves up to nibble on my ear. My entire body breaks out in goose bumps and a shiver runs down my spine. I turn my head so I can kiss her on the lips, it goes from a slow languid kiss to feverish and rushed, our hands roaming over each other’s bodies, clothes sloppily discarded on the floor. Fingers and mouths moved with precision, ragged breathing and moans fill the air, soon we are both spent laying on the floor, sweating and breathing heavily; somehow we both fall asleep again.

When I wake up there is a blanket over me and I hear movement in the kitchen along with the smell of food. When I walk into the kitchen my breath hitches. Hope has her back turned to me, she only has shorts and a sports bra on, I can see her muscles contract and release as she moves around the kitchen humming as she goes. She hasn’t noticed me yet and I can honestly say that I’ve never seen her like this; she was absolutely glowing. I never understood what people meant when they said that until right now; there was just something different about her, she looked completely at ease. God I really loved her, it scared me sometimes how much; when she finally sees me the smile on her face grows even wider.

“You are just in time for dinner, sit down.”

“You won’t see me argue, it smells delicious by the way.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It started with me not being able to sleep, which made me irritable during the day, and soon Kelley and I were fighting more than normal. I always apologized first since it was always my fault, I just didn’t feel like myself and having Kelley around me the whole time started to frustrate me. The longer we lived together the worse it got, I didn’t want to lose Kelley but I was starting to feel like us living together was just not going to work, we were too different. Kelley always needed some kind of noise or something to do, sitting still seemed impossible for her. After a particularly bad fight I actually told Kelley that I didn’t think this was working and as soon as those words left my mouth I was overcome with fear and regret. I was so afraid that she would leave and I felt so much regret for hurting her, the look on her face was something I will never forget.

“Kelley I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how did you mean it? It seems pretty straight forward to me.”

“I’m sorry I’ve just not been sleeping well lately and I’m feeling irritated the whole time. I really didn’t mean it the way it sounded.”

“If you’re having so much trouble why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to worry about anything.”

“So this is better then? Fighting the whole time, you resenting me for being here. Do you think I don’t feel it?” I feel even worse when she says that; I need to find out what is causing my sleeplessness. “I don’t know if I can stay here much longer.”

“Kelley, please don’t go”

“Tell me why I should stay? Clearly you don’t want me here.”

“I do, I really do I promise. I will go to the doctor tomorrow, I’ll find out why I can’t sleep, it will get better I promise.”

“You can’t promise me that, you don’t know if it’s true.” The look on her face breaks my heart “I’m going to sleep on the guest room tonight; I don’t think I can share a room with you.”

“Please don’t, I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep at all if you aren’t there with me.”

“And I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep if I am.” I shake my head and that is how we end it, Kelley sleeps in the guest room and I stare at the ceiling the whole night long trying to figure out where it went wrong and if we can still fix it. The next morning the house is eerily quiet which only makes me feel worse, there is a note on the fridge Kelley is out for a run and not sure when she’ll be back. For the first time in years I skip making coffee and I call my doctor, I need to get to the bottom of this; the sooner the better.

When I leave the doctor’s office I feel worse than I did when I got there, I have to wait for test results but he doesn’t think there is anything physically wrong with me, and he urged me to go to my psychologist. That is where I’m heading right now; this time when I’m done I feel a bit relieved, it makes sense; now I just need Kelley to give me a chance to explain.

“Kell!? Are you here?” I don’t hear anything. I walk to the kitchen and the same note as this morning is still on the fridge, it’s been hours she shouldn’t be out for this long. I start to make lunch and while I wait for the chicken to finish roasting I call her phone. When she answers I’m relieved

“Are…uhm are you okay?”

“The run hasn’t done much to help, but it could be worse.”

“Are you coming home soon?”

“I don’t know yet”

“Kelley please come home, I have to talk to you and I’ve made some lunch.” She sighs.

“Okay, I’ll be there soon.” While I wait for Kelley, I finish preparing our lunch. I put it in the oven hoping to keep it warm. I feel like weight has been lifted off my shoulders when I hear her come in.

“Hey”

“Hi”

“Uhm, I made us some roasted chicken; we can talk in the kitchen.” Once we get there she looks worried.

“Are you sick? Is that why you can’t sleep?”

“First I have to apologize, I shouldn’t have let this go on for so long; I went to the doctor this morning and he doesn’t think there is anything wrong with me; he suggested that I go see my psychologist and I did. I think we figured out why I can’t sleep, it’s because we are opposites.”

“And how does that help us exactly?”

“We need to make time for our own wellbeing; you have a lot of energy and need to be busy constantly and I need quiet time, time by myself and that’s why I can’t sleep. Since you moved in we have been spending all our time together and I haven’t been getting time to myself. All we need to do is to find something for you to do, while I do nothing.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I need time to myself, time when it’s quiet and I can just be; but you can’t be with me because you’re distracting, we need to find something for you to do, like hiking or swimming, anything that will keep you busy, give you an outlet for all that energy.”

“And that will fix all our problems.”

“I don’t know, but it makes sense to me, I haven’t been by myself since you moved in; and you are the first person who I’ve ever lived with.”

“Why wasn’t this a problem before?”

“Because before we didn’t spend enough time together, this is the longest time we’ve been together with each other, with no one else around. I love you Kell, I know we can do this.”

“I love you too. So how do we start?"

After a few weeks everything was going back to normal; I was starting to sleep normally again, we weren’t fighting anymore, everything was getting back to the way it was. One night after dinner we were cuddling on the couch, I was playing with Kelley’s hair and from out of nowhere she kissed me in a way that we hadn’t kissed in weeks; that’s when I knew we were going to be okay again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably not the best chapter, but still I would like to know what you thought so drop me a comment and I hope you enjoyed it^^  
> Next chapter will be the wedding so it may take some time I apologize in advance.


	52. The Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for taking so long to post this chapter, but life really did get in the way. I will try to be more consistent but I can't make any promises. Shout out to the Beta for editing, it would have taken so much longer without her. This chapter was written in months, whenever I had some free time so hopefully it won't be too disorganised. Enjoy!

I tossed and turned, I just couldn’t fall asleep, I’ve been having trouble sleeping since we got to Georgia, a week of struggling to sleep and it’s all Kelley’s fault. Before Kelley I had no trouble falling asleep by myself, on the contrary, I fell asleep quite easily; but now I find it hard to fall asleep without out Kelley next to me. She refused to sleep with me until we were married and I’m just glad it’s tomorrow, I can’t wait to have her next to me again, but for tonight I needed to sleep. I want to look like a normal person tomorrow and not a zombie. When I look at the clock it’s already 11:30, it’s not that late but I’ve not been sleeping well for a week now and I’m exhausted. I get up and go to the window, I can see Kelley’s window from here, the light is out and she is probably fast asleep. I huff and sit down on the bed, just as I’m getting up to get some milk, I’m struck by an idea. I grab my phone and send a text to Kelley. I hope she gets it; I look at the window waiting for the light to turn on or at least to see some kind of movement. After five minutes I can’t wait anymore and I call instead. It just keeps ringing before going to voicemail, I sigh and try again. This time she answers, I feel a little bad when I hear the sleepiness in her voice.

“What are you doing? It’s late.”

“I know, and I’m so sorry; but I need to ask you a favor because I can’t sleep.”

“I told you there is no way we are sleeping in the same bed before we get married.”

“I know, I know, but you didn’t say anything about not being able to use your shirt.”

“My shirt?”

“Yes, I know you always sleep in your Stanford t-shirt and I want you to give it to me so I can sleep.”

“How is my shirt going to help you sleep?”

“It smells like you and right now I’m so tired all I need is to trick my brain into thinking you’re next to me, so I need your shirt.”

“And why does it have to be my Stanford t-shirt?”

“Like I said you always sleep in it, so it will definitely smell just like you, please Kell I’m begging you, do you want me to look terrible tomorrow?”

“Of course not.”

“So can I have it?”

“Fine, but don’t make any noise when you come to the house, everyone is already asleep.”

“You can just throw it out the window to me, I don’t want to be tempted by your room.”

“You are such a dork, but fine that sounds like a good idea, be here in five minutes.”

“I’m already on my way out.”

I throw on a sweatshirt and pull on some sneakers, I grab my phone to use it as a light and I walk as quietly as I can over to Kelley’s window. When I get close I wonder why her room has to be on the second floor, I whisper yell up to the window trying to get Kelley’s attention, nothing. I find a few tiny rocks and I throw them at the window, she finally opens the window.

“What took you so long?”

“I’ve always wanted someone to throw tiny rocks at my window, just like the movies.” That statement annoys me to no end.

“Really Kell, it’s midnight and you keep me waiting outside in the cold because you wanted me to throw rocks at your window.”

“I just want a little romance.”

“Now I’m not romantic enough.”

“Well you have been slacking lately.”

“I’m sorry; running around planning our wedding has been taking a lot of my time, what’s your excuse?”

“Same.” She smirks as she takes off her shirt and I can’t help but stare.

“Close your mouth babe, and catch.” She throws down her shirt. “Love you.”

“Love you too, sweet dreams Kell.”

“Be careful on your way back, see you tomorrow.”

I wave before walking back to the guesthouse, I smell the shirt and it smells exactly like Kelley. Now I need to find a way to make this shirt feel like Kelley. I sit on the bed and take look around, I smile when I see one of the throw pillows on the floor; that should work fine. I pull the shirt over the pillow, it doesn’t fit well but I don’t really need it to, I lie down and pull the covers up, I spoon the pillow like I would Kelley and the smell of the shirt makes it feel like she is there with me. 

When I wake up the next morning I hear giggling and I immediately sit up.

“Wha…What’s going on?” I see Erin standing at the door phone in hand; my mind is still struggling to find out what’s going on.

“I wonder how my sister would feel if she saw how comfortable you’re getting with that pillow.” 

“What pillow?” I look around me and it takes a while for me to remember what happened last night.

“She will have no problem with it, trust me.”

“Well I just came to wake you up, and give you some breakfast.”

“Why can’t I have breakfast with everyone else?”

“Kelley is adamant that the first time you see each other should be at the wedding, and my parents are already working on getting everything ready.”

“What? Your sister’s requests are getting a little ridiculous; is anyone helping your parents?”

“Yes, Jerry is also helping; and don’t even think about going out to help you have way too much to do today, eat your breakfast before the stylist gets here.” Erin starts walking out the room and I yell out, “Thanks Erin.” She waves her hand and says, “You’re welcome; and get moving time’s a wasting”

I just shake my head, I stretch out a little and smile when I see the pillow stuffed in the shirt, I smell it one more time and smile when I think tonight Kelley and I will be in the same bed again. I get up and drink some coffee before eating the eggs, toast, fruit and yoghurt Erin brought me; I just finish putting the dishes away when the door opens I assume it’s Carli walking in.

“It’s abou….Kyle! What are you doing here?”

“You didn’t think some random person was going to do your hair on such an important day, get over here girl; let me see what I’m working with today.”

“Are you serious? How did I not know this?”

“Kelley worked some of her magic.” I give Kyle a hug and make some more coffee, we are both big coffee lovers. After chatting and drinking our coffee Kyle starts working on my hair, I can’t believe Kelley kept this from me; she is usually so bad at keeping secrets. When Kyle is finished, my hair looks amazing, it doesn’t even look like the same hair I woke up with today. 

“And my work here is done.”

“It looks amazing, thanks Kyle.” He gives me a wink.

“Now I got to go work on that beautiful girl of yours.”

“Don’t go messing it up now.”

“Like that is even possible, I’ll see you later; bye.”

“Bye.”

Somehow the entire morning has passed; Carli had arrived just after Kyle left and had been helping me get ready, through the entire morning members from Kelley’s family kept stopping by to check on me. I know their intentions were good, but it made the fact that I had no family here on this very important day, more obvious, it kind of made me wish that my mom was still here, even after what she did I still wish that she could see this day.

“Hey are you okay?”

“Yeah, just…. thinking.”

“About what, your face doesn’t look like someone who is about to get married to the person of her dreams.”

“I can’t help but wish that I had family here to share this day with.”

“You have a family.”

“You know what I mean; someone who has been there my entire life.”

“Well you might not have that kind of family, but the family you chose are all here, and personally I feel like my sister is getting married.”

“Thanks Carli…for everything.”

For the next few hours while I finish getting ready I feel completely calm and ready, surprising even myself because I thought I would be an absolute mess and freaking out about committing to just one person, but I know Kelley is the one for me; and I smile thinking about the day ahead of me.

In about half an hour I’ll be walking down the aisle and I feel like I can’t breathe, I’m pacing trying to calm myself down but my mind is just racing.

“Kelley, what’s wrong?”

“Mom! I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Oh baby it’s okay to be nervous, it’s an important day.”

“That’s not it, I don’t know if I should be doing this.”

“Kelley start making some sense this instant.”

“I don’t know if we should be doing this, Hope has never wanted to get married or seen herself as married, what if we do this and our entire relationship just starts to fall apart, what if this makes her feel like a caged animal and she just wants to run, what if a few years from now she looks at me and wonders why we ever got married?”

“Kelley calm down, there is no way Hope is not sure about marrying you. She spent hours working on the wedding; do you remember the day the two of you argued over the flowers? It was almost world war two, Erin and I thought the wedding might be called off because of it. This is just as important to her as it is to you, someone who is not interested would not cause an argument over flowers and then compromise so the both of you would be satisfied. Honey she loves you, she’s in it for the long haul there is no way she is going to want to run.”

“Mom, her family was such a mess, what if she doesn’t know how to do it?”

“Honey she’s been part of this family for over five years now, she knows what it’s like to be part of a family, and when she’s struggling you help her, that’s what you do.”

“I’m so scared she’ll run, I don’t know what I’ll do if she ever just left.” My mom didn’t have a chance to reply before Erin shoved her phone in my face.

“Kelley look at that picture; that was Hope this morning, if that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know then you have some real problems.” Once I get a good look at the picture I can’t help but smile,. Hope is cuddling my shirt, it seems to have been haphazardly pulled over a pillow. But the look on her face is what seals the deal, she looks so….happy is not even the word, blissfully content seems more fitting. 

“Now get your head out of your ass and get ready to marry the woman of your dreams…I’ve always wanted a sister I get along with.” Erin has a big smile on her face.  
I smack her arm before giving her a hug.

“Thanks sis, I love you.”

With 15 minutes before the start of the wedding Jerry comes into the guesthouse. 

“Wow, Kelley is a lucky woman, you look amazing.”

I smile brightly “Thanks Jerry, but I know I’m the lucky one.”

“Are you ready, or do you need more time?”

“I’m definitely ready.”

“Then let’s get you married.” I give Jerry one last hug before we leave the room. When we’re close enough to hear people talking I get a little nervous, I wish that it could have just been me and Kelley and her family, I’ve never been good at talking about my feelings and now I will have to do it in front of so many people, some that I don't even know.

“You okay there.”

“Yeah, just a little nervous, I don’t want to mess up.”

“Like anyone will even know.” That was true.

“Thanks again Jerry, it would have been weird if I had to walk down by myself.”

“Kelley would never have allowed that and neither would I, I like you too much.” He gives me a smile before lightly pushing me towards all the people “I think they’ve waited long enough.”

When the music starts my heart starts racing, it feels like my knees are going to give in, I grasp tightly onto my dad, he smiles at me reassuringly. We walk out and I see everyone looking at me, smiling, it makes me feel better, but when my eyes fall on Hope, every doubt that I had ever had about today just falls away. She looks radiant, her dress fits her perfectly and shows off all of her best assets, her arms and shoulders. Her hair is loose and flowing down, a slight wave to it, Kyle did an amazing job. She smiles at me and all of a sudden my legs don’t know how to move, my dad gives my hand another squeeze and I realize I had stopped walking, I smile back at her and start walking again, this time faster than before, now I can’t wait to be next to her.

After walking down with Jerry, my heart is beating wildly in my chest, I wonder if anyone else can hear it. When the music starts it’s like my heart stops completely, at first I can’t move, but when I hear everyone stand and turn, I automatically do the same. When I see her she takes my breath away, I’m completely in awe. I don’t think there has ever been a more beautiful bride, her dress is more classical than mine, with some lace at the top and over the shoulders, it gets a little wider at her hips, but it doesn’t balloon out, her hair is up, with a few strands framing her hair. Kyle really knows what he’s doing, she looks perfect. I feel a smile spread across my face, when Kelley suddenly stops walking, my heart drops, and just as I’m about to panic she smiles back at me and starts walking faster.

When she gets to the front with Dan, Dan gives Kelley a big hug before turning to me and doing the same, he then places Kelley’s hand in mine before taking his seat next to Karen. I smile brightly at Kelley and she smiles right back at me, we turn in unison to look at the officiate. I don’t really hear what he is saying I’m too focussed on everyone’s eyes on me, and Kelley’s hand in mine. I snap out of it when I hear my name, he is asking for us to repeat after him to say our vows to each other. I repeat everything he says and next thing I know, I’m putting a ring on Kelley’s finger, she smiles at me as she repeats what I had just said before, putting a ring on my finger, the cold metal feels strange on my finger, but I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy to wear a piece of jewelry. When he says “You may now kiss the bride” the smile on face grows wider. Finally I can call Kelley my wife, I lean in, we both agreed on a very short but sweet first kiss as a married couple. But I should have known nothing with Kelley will ever be that easy, it starts off as I expected but then Kelley tries to deepen the kiss, I don’t put up much resistance. I want to be as close to Kelley as physically possible, I want her to know how I’m feeling in this moment, how much I love her. Kelley is the first one to pull away, and I hear the catcalls made by our friends, Pinoe of course yelling the loudest. A blush creeps up my face when I realize how many people are actually in the room with us, but it soon goes away when Kelley grabs my hand and we walk back down the aisle.

We go out into the forest with our photographer, he poses us before taking pictures and I find myself not caring at all to stand still for so long, as long as Hope is there to hold me. Sometimes I find it too hard to not give her, a small peck on the lips, and I don’t care when the photographer gets a little upset about it, she is my wife and I can kiss her if I want to. Wow that is actually so weird, she is my wife, and I kind of can’t believe it. I smile and kiss her again before returning my attention to the photographer who is directing us to stand perfectly so the light around us will illuminate the picture even more, making it look surreal, or at least that’s what he said. After taking what feels like a million pictures we finally get to go to our reception, and I can finally sit down for a little bit. 

A big cheer starts when our guest see us walking towards the marquee where they have been waiting for us to finish.  
“Finally we can eat!” Pinoe always knows what to say to lighten the mood, everyone has a laugh before we sit down, the food is being brought out and I suddenly realize that I’m starving, my stomach grumbles and Hope laughs at me.

“I’m surprised that didn’t happen while we were taking pictures.”

“I was too enamored by your beauty to think about my stomach for once.” 

“I know that was supposed to be a witty remark, but that is probably one of the most romantic things you can say to me, especially since you always think about your stomach.” 

“I do not, I think about soccer too.”

“Hopefully you think about me sometimes, too.”

“You never leave my thoughts.”

“Good answer” she gives me a quick kiss on the cheek before leading me to the buffet.

“You do know how to make my heart race.” I smile at her before turning my attention back to the food in front of me.

My heart starts beating faster as I realize that it will soon be time to have the speeches, I sip on some water trying to calm myself down. It won’t be that bad, I’ve practiced it before, I know what I want to say, and after that I can just relax and enjoy the rest of the evening with my friends. It seems like Dan has read my thoughts as he stands up and gets everyone’s attention. Kelley gently takes my hand in hers, she knows I hate having to speak in front of so many people; it makes me extremely nervous, I have never been good with expressing myself verbally. Thankfully I don’t have to go first, Dan is already pulling out a piece of paper from inside his jacket, everyone’s attention is on him. He turns to look at me and Kelley before smiling at the both of us, he clears his throat before he starts.

“I’m sure that everyone knows who I am, but just in case someone is unsure I’m Dan, Kelley’s dad and now Hope’s. Now I’m not really proud to admit this, but I wasn’t very fond of the idea when Kelley and Hope first got together.”

I turn to look at Kelley and it seems that she as well had no idea about this, I feel my heart sinking a little bit, I never knew that Dan felt this way.  
“Now before everyone starts judging me, let me remind you all of Hope’s resting facial expression; that has put fear in some of the most hardened professional soccer players.”  
This gets a laugh from the guests.

“Honestly I was weary of Kelley’s age, I can see the confused expressions on some people’s faces, so let me clear that things up a little bit. Kelley and Hope met when Kelley was 16 and Hope was 22. That was a big age gap, especially considering that Kelley usually acts about ten years younger than she actually is.”   
Even I can’t help but smile at this, as everyone else shares a chuckle.

“Of course Kelley had no idea about my reservations when she first started telling me about Hope, I didn’t want her to stop talking to me about what was going on in her life, about what was going on between her and Hope. I did however share my reservations with my wife, and she so eloquently told me about the fact that the age difference between us is six years as well, and that Kelley won’t always be 16. Being the smart man that I am, I accepted the fact that my wife was right. If there is one thing the two of you can take from this part of the story is that the saying is true, ‘Happy wife, happy life’; do whatever you can to make and keep each other happy.”  
I give a small nod of my head; I will do anything to make sure that Kelley is happy.

“By the time Kelley told us that she wanted us to meet Hope I had already started to change my mind about Hope. It completely changed when I met Hope. That night when I saw her for the first time I was skeptical, I kept in mind what Kelley had told me, but the person I saw in front of me didn’t look capable of what I had heard. Of course we had dinner together and I slowly started to see what Kelley saw. I also noticed that, that side of her only seemed to emerge when Kelley was directly involved, when she was talking to Kelley, or when Kelley was talking about her. After a few weeks I had, let’s call it an opportunity, so after a few weeks I had the opportunity to meet Hope’s father. It didn’t go so well. When I told Karen about the meeting I was very adamant that as much as I like Hope, I didn’t think that Kelley should be involved in her life with the parents that she had. Again she made it clear that Hope didn’t have the chance to choose her parents, and despite all of what she has clearly gone through she turned into an amazing person, extremely guarded, but still amazing.”

He looks directly at me and says, “Today that statement is truer than it was back then.”

Kelley gives my hand a squeeze, I turn to look at her; I can feel the lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, she rubs my arm comfortingly. When Dan starts speaking again I can hear the quiver in his voice.

“I have never seen Kelley look, smile or laugh at someone the way she does you. I now confidently call you my daughter.”

I didn’t even think about it, my body just reacted; I was on my feet and hugging Dan harder than I think I have ever hugged a person before.  
“I’m proud to call you my father.”

When I get back to my seat Kelley wraps an arm protectively around me, she places a small kiss to my cheek.

“Cheers to the brides”

“Cheers!” Everyone says in unison

I take a big sip of champagne, before today I had asked Kelley if I could go before her because I didn’t think that anyone would remember what I had to say once they heard what Kelley had to say, now I don’t think anyone will be able to remember what anyone else said besides Dan.

Kelley gives me an encouraging smile when I clear my throat, I stand up and everyone’s attention is now on me.

“Wow, talk about a hard act to follow, way to steal the spotlight Dan.”  
I feel a bit more relaxed when I hear people laughing.

“I had a specific speech in mind, but now it looks like I should have listened to Dan’s first before making my own.”  
I turn to look at Dan

“You are now forcing me to improvise, if this is terrible than it’s your fault, I feel like I should start with that before anyone gets disappointed.”  
I get a few chuckles before starting.

“What Dan said before was true, I didn’t have the best parents; or life while I was growing up, and even as a 20 year old, who had this bright soccer future ahead of her, I still wasn’t happy. Soccer was my escape, but once I finally got away from home, I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how to live my life, I just knew how to play soccer and that’s what I did. Until one day this teenager ran right into me, I was so annoyed when it happened I never would have thought that that little teenager would become so important to me, and I never in a million years would have thought that I would one day get married to that teenager.”  
I look down at Kelley

“I was an incomplete person when I met Kelley. I had so many walls up to try and protect myself from getting hurt that I didn’t realize those walls were keeping me from living. I’m thankful every day that she didn’t see the walls, or didn’t care about them, that she not only made me believe that I deserved to be happy but that she was also part of what made me happy. I’m thankful that she has made me a better person, someone that now looks forward to the future, someone who now believes that family can be a truly amazing thing, even if you aren’t perfect. One thing that I wasn’t expecting was that Kelley came with her family, I couldn’t have one without the other, at first I was worried, I knew how important her family was to her, and I also knew that if they didn’t like me that it would mean the end, because Kelley really can’t be Kelley if she isn’t talking to her mom, joking around with her sister or picking on her brother, and she is one of the biggest daddy’s girls you will ever find, I think Erin is the biggest.”  
I get a laugh out of everyone.

“But I can’t blame them because they have Dan as a father, and he is exactly what you would want in a father, the perfect balance of strong and kind, and because of Kelley I can now call him Dad too.”  
I take a deep breath.

“After Dan’s speech I now also realize how much I owe to Karen, all of us might not be here today if it wasn’t for her, and just like Dan, she is the kind of mother that everyone wants, supportive when she has to be and a realist when you are being an idiot. I have been on the receiving end of a few of those talks, and let me tell you they can be brutal, but you will definitely not do anything stupid after that. I have to thank the both of you for raising Kelley the way you did and for trusting me to make her happy, I will do my absolute best to make sure she is. I have to thank Jerry and Erin for being so accepting of me, I’m sure I wasn’t the easiest person to get to know. And Kelley.”

I look at her, “If you ever wonder or doubt how I feel about you, remember that you are my home, and wherever you are my heart will be, I love you more than soccer, more than my chickens, more than fishing and most definitely more than Sasha loves Onyx, I love you more than I love all those things combined, and I will still love you if you stop eating cereal with water, if you stop drinking chocolate milk and if you ever stop interrupting important moments with your grumbling stomach, but I wish that you will never stop doing any of those, because I love all of those things, they are all uniquely you. I love you. Cheers”

I smile when I look at her again and sit down; she gives me a big hug and whispers in my ear, “I love you more than I love all those things combined too.”  
She waves her hands in front of her face trying to keep from crying.

“How am I supposed to follow those two speeches, I’m a mess.”

“You’re still beautiful.”

“Shut up you jerk” she gives me a playful shove, and I pull her in for another hug.

Now I’m wondering why I told Hope that she could go before me, this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t say yes in the first place. This time it’s Hope that gives me an encouraging squeeze.  
“You’ll be great.”  
I now think speeches are a stupid idea, why do we do this again? Everyone is now looking at me waiting for me to start, I stand up, ready to get this over with.

“Hi, and yes there is one more speech that has to be made, I’m so sorry you have to listen to another one, luckily we won’t need tissues this time.”  
I get smiles from everyone. 

“Ah where to start”  
I tap my finger on my lips acting as if I’m thinking really hard.

“I think my mom has to be first!”  
In an overly dramatic way I say, “I blame you for all my wonderful tendencies, especially my childlike wonder, and grace in everything that I do! We all know how great I am at tripping on air.”  
I get a chuckle from some people and laughter from others.

“I can only hope to one day be as good of a mother as you.”  
I can see my mom mouthing ‘You will be’, I smile brightly back at her.

“Next in line will have to be my dad, the only thing I blame you for is my wonderful sporting genes, my competitiveness and passion for what I do. I obviously wouldn’t have met Hope without it, see this is all your fault!”  
This time everyone laughs

“Jerry all I have to say to you is; I win! You owe me 20 bucks, that’s what you get for making a bet you had no chance of winning. How could you think for one minute that someone would pass all this up?”  
I pointed to myself for extra emphasis, Jerry just laughed.

“Erin, what can I say; thanks for being the best MOH (maid of honor) in the world and teasing me till no end, I really do appreciate it.”  
Erin just smiles and shrugs.

“And now for my wife, oooh I just had a shiver go down my spine, I’m gonna have to get used to saying that. Anyway back to what I was going to say, now I don’t know how many of you know this, but Hope over here makes her living using her hands, yes she is a goalkeeper. Now I don’t know how many of you know this, but her hands are magic; there is nothing on earth that feels as good as Hope using her hands, honestly I don’t know if it’s because she is a goalkeeper but she sure knows how to make my toes curl…the best massages I have ever had.”  
Everyone burst out laughing, even Hope, who was looking really nervous, is smiling.

“All I have left to say is that I’m glad everyone is here to share this day with us and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life married to you, I know there will be many ups and downs, but I know we will be able to get through it. I love you, cheers everybody.”

I’m relieved when I am done, now we can get to the fun stuff like dancing! Also eating some more food and of course drinking some alcohol, I need some beer after all that, I also need some cake; cake would be really good right now.

“Hey, babe, do you think we can cut the cake soon, I need some sugar after all that stress.”

“We can do whatever you want.” She gives me a quick kiss.

My stomach grumbles again just before we cut the cake.  
“I really shouldn’t be surprised should I?”

“It’s cake! And clearly I’m hungry. Besides I need the energy for when we start dancing, which will be soon, so you better get ready.”

“I’m never ready to dance.”

“You’ll be fine, no one cares.”

“I do.”

“We can skip the traditional first dance, we aren’t that traditional anyway. We can just open the dance floor to everyone from the start.”

“But I want to open the dance floor with you, even if I do have two left feet.”

“We can have a short dance together.”

“Sounds perfect.”

We cut the cake, without doing the ‘shoving cake in each other’s faces’ thing, I never understood how people could waste perfectly good cake like that, I get a big piece of cake, that I try to not devour like a five year old, I think I succeeded, but I can’t be sure it did go by quick. After everyone had their cake, and we did some socializing, it was time to get the dancing started.

We walk to the dance floor, Hope holding my hand tightly in hers, the song starts to play, Make you feel my love by Adele and not Bob Dylan, not that we don’t like the original version, we are both just a tiny bit obsessed with Adele’s voice. When Hope takes me by the waist and gets into the lead position I’m a little surprised, she does it with such ease. When we start dancing it’s a completely different person than when we first started dating, she’s confident and sure about the steps, she gives me a smirk.

“Your dad is an excellent teacher.” I feel my eyes fill with tears slightly.

“When did you have the time?” There is a small lump in my throat, I knew that she wasn’t a good dancer, I could tell, being from the south, my mom made both my sister and I go to Etiquette classes; when we went as teenagers, we were taught how to dance to almost any song. Hope never had the same opportunity, and she didn’t want to make me look bad, she told me this a few times, it’s one of the reasons we chose a slower song. 

“Sleep is a little overrated, especially when you have something important to do.”

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to, I know this is an important part, and I wanted it to be the way you imagined it, or at least as close as it could be.”

“I can’t believe you did that.”

“You’ve been imagining this day since you were little, and I never thought it would happen for me, I want it to be perfect just as much as you do.”

“I love you so much, saying it just isn’t enough.”

“You could show me…”

“Not in front of everyone.” She laughs.

“If you would have let me finish, I was going to say you can show me by giving me your best smile.” I do smile.

“But I can still show you later.”

“I won’t complain.” The song is almost finished and I smile once more time before giving her a quick kiss.

“Thank you for doing this, today has been amazing.”

“The best part is about to start.”

“Really? What’s that?”

“Our life together, I can’t wait.” This time it’s not a quick peck, but a kiss filled with passion.

“I can’t wait either.”

The rest of the day and night goes by in the blink of an eye, most people, including our teammates are quite drunk when they start to say their goodbyes. I myself have had more than I usually do, but Kelley has definitely had a lot to drink, she is extremely affectionate when we are close and her words are at the point of almost slurring.

“Maybe it’s a good time for us to go too, the day is over.” Kelley leans in close to me.

“I bet you can’t wait to see what’s under the dress.” I’m sure my blood pressure has just gone through the roof, I swallow hard.

“That’s not what I meant…I…uhm, people are leaving.”

“Does that mean you don’t want to see what’s under the dress?”

“I didn’t say that...it’s just not the only reason I want to leave.”

“Why are we still here then?” We say a quick goodbye to the few people who are still around, which is mainly just Kelley’s family, before going to the guesthouse, we only leave for our honeymoon tomorrow morning. Kelley is on me before we even get inside, I struggle to open the door and close it, soon I’m struggling for air, and pull away.

“Wait, wait, wait.”

“What’s wrong?”

“As much as I’m enjoying this, I don’t want to get interrupted by your stomach, so how about you go get ready and I’ll get us a little snack and something to drink.”

“Already taking care of me, don’t be too long.”

“I’ll be right there.” Kelley walks up the stairs, not as straight as I would have liked, I go to the kitchen and grab us some water, I get us some fruit, sandwiches and even chocolate. I walk quickly up the stairs, I nearly drop everything I have in my hands when I see Kelley; she is passed out on the bed her dress still halfway on. I start laughing this is something I should have expected from Kelley, I put everything down on the dresser and help Kelley completely out of her dress, she was right, what she had on under her dress was mouth watering.

“I hope this is not a bad omen.” I put her under the covers and give her a kiss on the forehead

“I love you.” I get ready for bed and pull Kelley close to me when I get under the covers, this night may not have ended as I expected, but there is nothing like falling asleep with Kelley by my side. Even in her sleep she snuggles closer, I love this feeling and I didn’t know how much I would miss it until I couldn’t do it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, feel free to leave a comment, I read all of them! And reply! Fingers crossed the next chapter will be up soon. Thanks for the patience guys.


	53. The honeymoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys, trying to get balance working and studying, but on the bright side you get two chapters instead of one :) Enjoy.

“But what if I see something?”  
“Don’t be silly Erin, they’re probably still asleep.”  
“With those two anything is possible.”  
“You act like they can’t control themselves; they were perfectly fine this whole time.”  
“That’s because Kelley imposed a ban before the wedding.”  
“What for?”  
“It’s Kelley! Who knows.”  
“Either way, you’re still going to go and see if they are ready, they might miss their flight.”  
“Seriously mom…Why me?”  
“Because Jerry might see something, just go.”  
“Mom!”  
“Just go already.”

At first the sound is very faint, but it starts to get louder and louder, now it’s turned into pounding, what is that? Is that actually my head? The pounding sound stops and I can hear what sounds like people whispering, I crack open one eye and I instantly regret it; the light causes a searing pain in my head. 

“Uuurgh, why.” I close my eyes and turn away from the light. Soon after I hear footsteps approaching the bed before it dips a little  
“Kel, you have to wake up.”  
“Nooo, I want to sleep some more.”  
“I know, but if you drink these pills, it will make you feel better. We do need to go, or we’ll miss our flight.”  
“What flight? Where are we going?”  
“Kel, it’s our honeymoon, and I’m not telling you where we are going until you get up.”  
“But I didn’t pack?”  
“Erin and your mom packed for you.”  
“But what if I want to add something to the bag?”  
“Then you can, just please get up.”  
“Okay” This time when I open my eyes, it’s not as bad as before, I take the water and pills from Hope.” I drink all the water while swallowing the pills.  
“You look really pretty today.”  
“And you look like you have a hangover.”  
“You’re always so sweet to me.”  
“You need to stop mixing your alcohol.”  
“I’m Irish! I’ll be right as rain in a few minutes.”  
“Suuuure; get dressed and I’ll make some coffee.”  
“I will love you forever if you do.”  
“Didn’t you already promise that yesterday?”  
“Mmmmmm, yes, but this time it’s true.” I smile before giving her a quick kiss  
“Now make me some coffee my beautiful wife.” She smiles brightly at me  
“You’re so bossy, I think I like it.”  
“Something I should use tonight?” I can see the affect it has on her  
“Don’t be a smartass; and get moving.”

“Baby, pleeeaaase tell me where are we going?”  
“I’ve told you before; we’re going to your favourite place.”  
“Noooo, I have too many, how will I know?”  
“Because this is your number one, and that is all I’m going to say until we have to board anyway, you’ll definitely figure it out by then.”  
“Please!!” She pouts and looks at me with her puppy dog eyes and I almost crack  
“Kel, it’s your favourite place, I don’t know what else I can say.”  
“You can say the name.”  
“Look we’re at the airport already, you’ll find out in a few minutes.”  
“But I want to know now.”  
“Then use your Stanford brain and figure it out.”  
“You’re being mean.” This time she looks like a little kid when she pouts.  
“That was not what you said this morning when I gave you some coffee.”  
“That was ages ago; you need to keep me happy.” There is a twinkle in her eye; I know she is kidding and that she has figured out where we are going.  
“Are you happy?”  
“Yes! I can go surfing, and hiking and the best part is getting laid as soon as we land!”  
“Really? That’s the best part”  
“Okay, no, the best part is that I get to share all of that with you.”  
“Except for the surfing part.”  
“Baby no, we can have so much fun, I’ll teach you, we can even float in the water when we’re done.”  
“Have you already forgotten the last time you tried to teach me? I nearly drowned you to try and get you to shut up.”  
“Okay, yes, but I was young and impatient back then, I’ve matured now.” I can’t help but laugh  
“Matured, really? How exactly?”  
“You know…I’m older now….more patient, I’ve also taught Alex how to surf.”  
“No, Tobin and Ashlyn did, you just yelled stuff from the shore.”  
“It was helpful stuff; please let me teach you.” Her puppy dog eyes are out in full force again.  
“Urgh, fine, you get one try; and you have to come fishing with me afterwards.”  
“What! Why?”  
“Because you really want to do it, and I need to get something out of it.”  
“But fishing is so boring! You just sit there the whole time.”  
“Are you saying I’m boring?”  
“No, I’m saying one of your hobbies is boring.”  
“Jeez, can you two put a cork in it, you’re worse than mom and dad already, and you’ve only been married for one day.”  
“Shut up Erin, we have important things to discuss.”  
“No, you two need to shut up and get your passports ready so you don’t miss your flight, cause somebody took forever to get ready.” Kelley leans over to smack Erin on the shoulder, and soon they are fighting. Thankfully Erin wasn’t driving, I’m sure we would have been in an accident by now if she was.  
“Okay, okay, we’re here, let’s get going before someone gets hurt.”  
“You’re lucky Hope is looking out for you.”  
“Like you could beat me.”  
“Okay, you two can say goodbye now, and I’ll get the bags from the back, don’t let me find you fighting when I get back.” Jerry stops the car and he helps me get the bags from the trunk, when we get back Erin and Kelley are hugging each other and they both have tears in their eyes. I’m so confused, what happened? Two seconds ago they were fighting, now their hugging and crying?  
“What just happened?”  
“Just sister stuff, let’s go before we really miss our flight.” 

We say goodbye to both Erin and Jerry before getting on the plane. Kelley is out like a light almost as soon as the plane took off, a few minutes in and she is already drooling on my shoulder. I can’t help but smile, even as a drooling, sleeping mess, she is still the most beautiful person I had ever seen; I kiss the top of her head before laying my head on hers and falling asleep. When we wake up we are descending into Hawaii, Kelley is now fully awake and full of energy; she can barely sit still in her seat.  
“Calm down, Kel.”  
“I can’t, I love Hawaii; I can’t wait to take you on my favourite hike and show you my favourite surfing spot, oooh and….”  
“Hey Kel, you need to breathe or we’re never going to get to do that.”   
“I’m just so excited.” I hold her hand and give it a kiss  
“I can’t wait either.”  
The landing is fairly nice, the captain thanks everyone for flying with the airline, the next thing I see is a black thing falling and Kelley yelling out in pain before putting her face in her hands. There is a small carry-on bag on the floor and the person who opened the luggage storage starts to apologize profusely.   
“Kel, let me see.” My heart sinks a little when I see blood running down her arm, when she takes her hands away from her face, half of it is already covered in blood. The source seems to be from a cut above her eye. She puts her hand on the side of her face again while one of the air hostesses tries to reach us.  
“Can you get a bandage or something to cover the cut with?” She pulls out what looks like a handkerchief and hands it to me.  
“Kel let me put this on.” She turns her face towards me and lowers her hand once again; I put the handkerchief on the cut and press on it lightly. Kelley hisses a little and I can feel the bump as well. We get escorted off the plane and Kelley is seen by a doctor, he cleans the cut and puts two butterfly plasters on it.  
“I’m going to send you to get an x-ray, just to make sure there is no broken bone, it’s hard to tell with the bone around the eye.” Kelley held my hand the whole time  
“Okay.”

At the hospital we find out that I did indeed have a small break in the bone surrounding my eye.  
“Now you have to be careful with these breaks, mostly they heal by themselves, but you have to make sure that you don’t cause further damage before that. I need you to be careful, until some healing has taken place at least, so no dangerous activities for at least a week.”  
“What exactly do you mean by dangerous activities?”  
“Anything where you could possibly hit your eye; or activities where you will use the muscles around your eye often”  
“Doc you need to be more specific, can I go surfing?”  
“Definitely not.”  
“Hiking?”  
“It would depend on the hike, but I would stay away from it too, just to be safe.”  
“Can I do anything fun?”  
“Just don’t do anything that can cause you harm.”  
“So no.” He just smiles   
“Use your own judgement; I’m sure your friend will help.”  
“Actually I’m her wife.” I can’t help the smile that crosses my face, this is the first time she tells anyone that we don’t know, she sounds a little annoyed though.  
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sure you won’t have trouble keeping her in line.” I sigh  
“You have no idea, I’m probably going to be stuck fishing for the rest of our honeymoon, aren’t I?” I lie back down on the bed  
“We can go for walks too, and other stuff.”  
“Actually, I think it would be better to not do the other stuff.” I get up from the bed pretty quickly, and Hope is looking at him too  
“Aaah, it has to do with, uhm, uncontrolled muscle contraction, you know.” He is looking at Hope with a scared expression on his face  
“I’m sorry, but the small piece of bone can move and it could cause serious damage, worst case is blindness in her eye.”  
“Whoa! Blindness! Are you serious?” Hope looks at me  
“You cannot go surfing, or hiking or fishing, we are sitting on the beach away from people and that is it. You can drink as many cocktails as you want.”  
“Actually…”  
“Doc, really you’re killing the whole ‘honeymoon’ thing, why can’t I drink.”  
“The pain meds you have to take, right now it doesn’t hurt too much, but it’s going to hurt a lot more without them.”  
“This just keeps getting better and better, we might as well just go home; we can’t do anything.”  
“We’re not going home; we won’t get another chance to do this.”  
“It’s just for a week, you can do more stuff after that, but I would still advise against surfing, for at least a month. Sorry guys, if you need anything else don’t hesitate to come back.”

I never really thought Kelley was that much like a child until she had to sit still, she has been complaining the whole week; when we were on the beach she kept complaining about how it was torture to see people swimming and surfing without being able to, so I took her out on the water to go fishing, which also didn’t turn out to be a good idea because sitting still in the middle of the water was even harder than it was on the beach. Reading lasted for an hour maximum and just walking around was also not good enough because she still didn’t get to do anything, and going to sleep was just as hard, she never wanted to just go to bed, I couldn’t wait for the week to be over and for Kelley to find a different outlet for her energy other than complaining. But then of course when the week is over it has to start raining continuously, with no end in sight  
“This sucks, what kind of honeymoon is this?”  
“One where you are complaining the whole time, where you are not having fun and where you got a broken bone on the first day, clearly.”  
“Well I’m sorry everything is going wrong and it’s putting me in a bad mood.”  
“Listening to you complain the whole time has not been fun for me either.”  
“I’m sorry babe, I’ll try to keep it to myself.”  
“You don’t have to keep it to yourself, but can you try to be a positive about one thing, like being married.”  
“Okay, I’m sorry baby I didn’t mean to complain so much, on the bright side we have to stay in the room now.”  
“Yes, that is true, do you want to watch a movie, and order some junk food?”  
“We can start with that.”  
“And finish on a high.” I smile knowing that it’s been a week and that means we can actually sleep together for the first time since we got married.  
“More than once, cause this rain isn’t going to stop anytime soon.” 

I love the feeling of her lips on mine her strong arms encircle my waist and it feels like it has been too long since we’ve done this. When she picks me up my legs immediately wrap around her waist, when we break apart for some air I say  
“I’ve missed this so much.” As she walks us to the bed I lean my forehead on hers “I’m sorry I’ve been complaining so much.”  
“I don’t care about that now; I just want to be with you.” 

That is all it takes to make me kiss her again, my hands tangle in her hair as I pull her closer, she lowers me onto the bed, there is a frenzied removal of clothes. I just want to feel her skin against mine, our lips reconnect as soon as there is nothing else to take off; her weight on me makes my body tingle, she moves down to my neck kissing and nipping as she goes when she reaches the junction between my neck and shoulder she comes back to my mouth. After kissing for a while she starts moving back down again, both of us breathing heavily; she kisses down the valley between my breasts, her one hand starts massaging one breast while her tongue circles the other, I gasp when she lightly bites down on it. She had never done that before and I’m surprised at how good it feels

“Do it again.” This time even though I’m prepared I can’t contain the moan that escapes my lips when she bites down again, she has a devilish grin on her face as she looks up at me, my nipple still in her mouth and I feel more heat between my legs. Her hand slowly trails down as she moves over to the other breast, as she flicks my clit she bites down again and the feeling is indescribable, and amazing. I can feel her smiling; she soothes the sting a little by swirling her tongue around it, while her fingers start to gently probe my folds.   
“More….I want more.” After that she moves down very quickly, she places a few quick kisses to my inner thighs before inserting a finger and sucking on my clit; as she keeps going the speed increases and she flicks my clit with her tongue, my legs start shaking a little as I get closer. It feels like my entire body contracts when I reach my orgasm, I’m breathing hard.

“I can’t breathe right now.” She kisses the crook of my neck and then moves up to my cheek  
“I can help you with that.” I can hear the smile in her voice  
“Don’t you dare! And what was that?”  
“What?”  
“The biting”  
“I just felt like doing it, you weren’t complaining.”  
“I’m not, it was surprising and I’m looking forward to trying it on you.”  
“It was that good?”  
“Just you wait.”  
“Really?”  
“Really” I flip her onto her back and kiss her. 

After a few rounds I am relaxed, satisfied and exhausted. I’ve missed the feeling of her hand running down my back as I start to fall asleep; I mumble an ‘I love you’ before losing consciousness. When I wake up it’s clearly not morning anymore, the sun is starting to set, I want to stretch out but I can feel Kelley’s weight on me, her hair is splayed all over and she is snoring very lightly. I smile down at her and run my hand down her back, she stirs and mumbles incoherently  
“What was that?” I smile as my hand lower  
“I said don’t start!” She pushes herself up on her arms, her eyes sparkling  
“I’m hungry, you need to feed me.”   
“And what will I get in return?”  
“A happy wife.”  
“And a happy wife means a happy life.”  
“You learn quickly.”  
“An old dog can learn new tricks.”  
“You’re not that old and way too sexy to be a dog.”  
“Why, thank you.” She leans down to kiss me and I try to deepen it but she pulls away  
“Seriously I’m starving, none of that until I eat, I have to bring my A game.”  
“Fine, but first we need a shower, you stink and you have a little bit of dried drool next to your mouth.” She quickly wipes at her mouth.  
“I do not, you jerk!” she smirks   
“First one to the shower wins.” 

And just like that she is up and racing towards the bathroom, I stretch out feeling my muscles scream in satisfaction; I hear the shower turn on, I get up and grab some clothes for us to wear. After a quick shower we were out the door looking for a nice place to eat at; Kelley’s stomach keeps rumbling  
“I know you’re hungry, but that is the most noise I have ever heard your stomach make.”  
“I can’t help it, someone made me burn a lot of energy and then I missed lunch and my snack, I am starving.” We keep walking stopping at a few restaurants but nothing seems to be catching Kelley’s interest  
“I thought you were hungry.”  
“I am but I want good food too.”  
“Fine, but I’m getting hungry now too and everything looks good to me.”  
“You know how much I love my food.” I keep my sigh in  
“Okay, choose wisely then.” We keep walking and after a few minutes we find a restaurant that isn’t too packed but has a lovely smell coming out of it  
“This is definitely the place, it smells amazing.”

We sit down, order our food and start talking, I notice the little girl next to us is stuffing food in her mouth with her hand while staring at Hope, she is completely mesmerized she isn’t even looking at her food anymore she’s just chewing the food she has in her mouth and staring, I can’t help but smile and wave at her she is just too adorable. She stares even more when I wave, Hope looks at her and smiles she is now only half chewing her food she gives a small smile to the both of us, I can feel my ovaries contracting, this time Hope waves and she kind of waves back, okay it’s more of an uncoordinated flick of her hand but it still counts as a wave and that’s when I think my ovaries explode. Throughout our meal we talk and interact with the little girl when they leave we give her one more wave and she waves back again, she is so cute. After dinner we are both really full but not yet in the mood to go back to our room, we decide to walk to the beach on our way there we stop at the convenience store to buy a small blanket, something to sit on while we listen to the waves and get some fresh air. Hope sits down behind me and I lean into her, she wraps her arms around me from behind and I lay my head against her chest.

“You’re being really quiet, something on your mind.”  
“Yes, but I don’t know how you’ll react.”  
“Why don’t you find out?”  
“Because I don’t want to ruin the first good day we had on our honeymoon.”  
“Oh come on, a broken bone on your honeymoon, terrible weather, what’s not to like.”  
“You are in a much better mood than you were this morning.”  
“Well you did do a lot to raise my mood.” She kisses the top of my head and I can’t help but hum in happiness, I think back to the little girl from the restaurant   
“I want to start our family.” She stiffens almost immediately  
“Oh…I uhm… what exactly…uhm where did this come from?”  
“That little girl in the restaurant reminded me again of how much I want a little kid running around.”  
“We just got married, we haven’t even settled in properly.”  
“I know, but we are finally together, it won’t take us that long to unpack everything in the house and we still need to buy some furniture, we can get some for the baby as well.”  
“So that is a good enough reason to have a child, because we can buy the furniture already.”  
“No, that’s not what I’m saying, I know I’m ready, I know I want this and you said that you wanted it too.”  
“I do, I want to make you happy, I want to have a family, but I also want to be ready, I don’t want to be afraid when we do have a child.” I can’t help but laugh at her statement.  
“I’m sorry but no one is ever ready to have a child, and everyone is afraid when they do, it wouldn’t be normal if you’re not, and this is really cliché I know that but there is no way to be ready to have a child.”  
“We just got married; I want to have some time to just be us before we have all this responsibility of taking care of another human being.”  
“And I get that, but I want us to have a plan, I want us to have an idea of when we’re going to start our family and we have to put in more planning than a normal couple, we have to choose a donor, harvest eggs, get injections…”  
“Okay I’m going to stop you right there, how about we have this conversation when we get back, we will have a lot of free time before we have to go back to training with the team and we’ll get to enjoy our last few days here without being too stressed out.”  
“Don’t think you can distract me from this conversation we will be having it when we get back I’m holding you to it.”  
“Oh I am absolutely sure about that.” We sit in silence for a while; she starts to relax slowly as time goes on.  
“Are you mad?”  
“No…I just didn’t realise you were ready. You haven’t said anything about it for a long time and I thought we were on the same page with it.”  
“I didn’t mean to spring it on you, I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be, we should talk about this; but I just want to enjoy these last few days before we get back to reality.”  
“Is reality that bad?”  
“No, it’s better than I thought it would ever be, really! But a honeymoon isn’t part of our day to day lives is it?”  
“I guess not.” I smile “You really think reality is better than our honeymoon?”  
“Of course I get to spend my days with my best friend and the sexiest person I know, and I get to share my normal day with her, what more could I ask for.”  
“Are you trying to get in my pants?”  
“Will you let me in your pants?”  
“Only, if you keep whispering sweet nothings in my ear.” I smile when she kisses the side of my neck  
“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and as always leave me a comment to let me know what you think. The next chapter should be up soon.


	54. Solo-O'Hara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day is a first for me, hope you guys enjoyed the first one and that you will enjoy this one just as much. The lines indicate a time jump hopefully it is not too confusing.

“Carli what the hell am I going to do? I didn’t think this would happen so soon, the doctor said the chances of it happening the first try is about 20%, leave it to Kelley to be an overachiever with everything. What the hell am I going to do, I’m not ready, I can’t do this!”  
“Hope calm down and start from the beginning what happened?”  
“She showed me last night.” I can feel the panic starting to bubble up again.  
“What did she show you?” I can see Carli is confused  
“The positive pregnancy test she took.” Even saying it out loud scares the hell out of me  
“Holy shit, I had no idea you guys were even trying, we didn’t you tell me.”  
“I just did!”  
“Then why did you let her try if you weren’t ready?”  
“Cause I didn’t think it would work the first time, and you have to wait at least a month before you can try again, I thought it would give me some time. Instead Kelley goes and beats the odds and gets pregnant on the first try. What am I going to do? You should have seen her last night she was so happy, I’ve never seen her that happy; even when we won the Olympics she didn’t look that happy. I don’t know what to do, I can’t tell her she’s going to feel like it’s her fault; and it’s not it’s mine for not having the guts to tell her that I’m not ready yet.”  
“You still have nine months you know, and it’s a reality, you know it’s definitely happening. Plus anyone who has ever on the verge of becoming parents have probably felt just like you do right now, or at least the ones who had any intention of being a good parent; you will be a good mom, and with Kelley that kid is going to be really lucky to have the both of you as parents.”  
“Do you really think that I will be a good mom?”  
“Yeah, I’ve seen you with some of the other kids on the team, they love you.”  
“That’s different I don’t have to discipline them, I just get to do fun stuff with them.”  
“True, but you also like to spend time with them, most people don’t want to spend time with their own kids, and you enjoy spending time with other people’s kids; you have all the right instincts and Kelley will be there to help you, and so will I and the rest of the team, just ask for help when you need it.” I feel a little better after talking to Carli about it, she does have a good point I will have nine months to get ready, I have nine months to learn all I need to know. I may not be the best mother in the world, but I know I can be better than my mom. And Kelley will definitely be a good mom and her parents will be great grandparents, I know they will be excited about this, I’m sure her siblings will be too. And I am a complete idiot for acting the way I did, Kelley deserves so much better I need to show her that I can do this with her.

“I don’t know mom, you should have seen her face; I don’t think she’s excited at all.” The look of shock and horror on Hope’s face last night when I told her has kept me up all night, she played it off just as shock, but I could see the sheer terror in her eyes.  
“Honey I’m sure she was just shocked, it’s big news. I’m excited and can’t wait to go baby clothes shopping with you, well baby everything shopping to be honest.” I smile at the thought and I feel sad that Hope didn’t seem this happy either  
“Honestly you are more excited about it then Hope was; it worries me.”  
“Well you should have seen your father’s face when I told him about Erin; I thought he was going to faint from the stress but he managed to surprise me and I’m sure she will surprise you too.”  
“Really? I never knew that.”  
“Yeah, you’re father went white as a sheet and he started talking about how much he had to do before Erin was born, and that he didn’t think he had saved enough money and how he didn’t know how he was going to keep flying and take her to dance classes or whatever it is she wanted to do. Hope reminds me a lot of your father in the way she reacts to certain things, for your father it’s because of his military background, for Hope I think it’s her trying to make sure she does the best she can with what she has.” What my mom is saying makes sense but Hope really needs to start communicating better especially if we are going to have a child together.  
“You do make a lot of sense and I really wasn’t expecting it to be positive when I took the test, I wasn’t feeling sick and the doctor told us that the chances of it happening, especially on the first try is very rare.”  
“Now that you are feeling better about this, can I ask to see a picture of your donor?”  
“Mom!”  
“What? I want to have an idea of what my grandbaby is going to look like.”  
“You are sometimes the weirdest person ever.”  
“Says the person who eats her cereal with water!”  
“That’s not weird.”  
“It’s a little weird sweetheart.” I hear the car in the driveway.  
“Hope’s back, I need to talk to her; talk to you again tomorrow, love you mom!”  
“Love you too; tell Hope I said hi and that she owes me a phone call.”  
“I will; bye!”

When I walk in Kelley is just getting off the phone, I’m almost a 100% sure that she was talking to her mom. Her whole face lights up when she sees me  
“Are those donuts?”  
“I need to apologize for last night, I should have acted more like a person; I’m really sorry. And yes these are donuts and I got you these flowers as well.”  
“No coffee to go with that donut?”  
“You’re pregnant, you can’t have caffeine.”  
“I can have a cup of coffee.”  
“But why would you want to torture yourself like that, and besides when have you ever only drunk one cup of coffee.”  
“Fine, give me the donuts then.”  
“They’re not all for you.”  
“Then they don’t count as an apology.”  
“Is this the start of your mood swings?”  
“That isn’t even funny.”  
“I know I’m sorry.” I put the flowers and box of donuts down before giving her a hug  
“And I really am sorry for last night, I was just shocked and then I started thinking about what we will have to do before the baby gets here and how will we juggle traveling with the baby, it got a little overwhelming.” She squeezes me tightly  
“Thank you for the donuts; and my mom says you owe her a call.”  
“Your mom never lets anyone get away with anything does she?”  
“She certainly does not, why do you owe her a call?”  
“I don’t think you’ll be very happy about it.”  
“Come on just tell me.”  
“Well I bet your mom that we would not come back from our honeymoon with a crazy story, I lost that bet the moment you got a broken eye socket.”  
“Baby, have you met me?”  
“I know, but I thought that we would be spending a lot of time on the beach and in the hotel room, I didn’t think anything crazy would happen.” She just laughs  
“And now I owe your mom a phone call, she’s good at winning bets, but she isn’t the best at getting the upper hand though.”  
“That’s just cause you don’t have anything she wants…yet.” She smiles and gives my cheek a kiss  
“And next time you start to freak out about something, try to talk to me about it.”  
“I know, I just didn’t want to freak you out, I am sorry.”  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Why is it so hot? I feel like I’m going to sweat to death!” I knew Georgia was hot, but it has never been this hot before  
“It might have to do with the extra weight you’re carrying.”  
“Mom tell Erin not to be so mean.”  
“Kelley you are old enough, I think you can handle your sister.”  
“I know but I like it when you do it for me.” I pout at my mom  
“Erin stop bothering your sister you know she’s uncomfortable, one day it may be you as well.”  
“Fine, just because she looks like a tomato.”  
“I do not.” My mom rolls her eyes at us  
“Will the two of you ever stop bickering like little children?” Erin and I look at each other and say at the same time  
“Never!” We laugh  
“Please tell me Hope will be here soon.”  
“Why am I not good enough of a daughter?”  
“When Hope is here she somehow distracts both of you and it’s quiet for a little while.”  
“Her plane lands at two and the taxi here will take about an hour with traffic so I would guess at around three.”  
“Why aren’t you picking her up?”  
“She doesn’t want me to drive unnecessarily, and those are her words not mine.”  
“Nonsense, tell her we’ll pick her up, and I will drive.”  
“Let me see if I can get her before the boards.” I call immediately but unfortunately she doesn’t answer.  
“I guess we are just going to go then, I’ll send her a message to make sure she doesn’t get a taxi.” 

After an uncomfortable drive to the airport, we manage to find decent parking and wait for Hope, she sends a message when she lands letting me know that she didn’t check a bag and she’ll be quick, and she is. After a quick greeting and hug she reaches into the bag in her hand and hands me an ice cold bottle of water  
“I read online that pregnancy can make the heat and humidity feel worse and a lot of women have said that ice cold water felt amazing.” I feel annoyed that she just assumes I want to water, even though I really do.  
“Thanks.” Everyone looks at me knowing I’m annoyed  
“It’s the heat, I’m uncomfortable I’m sorry.” That’s all that is said while we walk to the car, and the drive back is pretty normal. 

(Later that night)  
“Are you mad at me?”  
“No, why?”  
“You’ve been acting weird the whole day.”  
“I’m just feeling annoyed, and uncomfortable and hot and nothing seems to be helping.”  
“You don’t have a fever? I read online…” She doesn’t even finish the sentence before I roll my eyes  
“What?”  
“You’ve just been reading a lot of things online lately; it’s getting to be a bit much.”  
“I’m sorry; I just want to be as prepared as I possibly can be.”  
“No, I’m sorry that wasn’t necessary, I’m just being…”  
“Hormonal? Uncomfortable?”  
“One of those, or maybe both.”  
“Why don’t you go take a cold shower, it might make you a little more comfortable and I’ll find us something to watch and a way to keep you cool tonight.” I give her a quick kiss  
“Thank you.” She was right after the shower I do feel much better, probably the most comfortable I’ve felt all day when I get to the room she has my side open with some iced water on the bedside table. She smiles when she sees me  
“You know how you use hot water bottles in winter to keep warm well I also decided to fill some hot water bottles with cold water and I left them in the refrigerator; before we go to sleep I’ll got get one and hopefully it will help keep you nice and cool.” My eyes start to water, she rushes to me  
“Baby what’s wrong?”  
“Nothing, it’s just that this is so nice, I can’t believe you did this.”  
“Of course, anything for you.” I can’t help but pull her into a heated kiss, after a while break apart both breathing heavily, Hope’s eyes are a darker shade of blue than normal. She pulls me closer her forehead resting on mine  
“It’s been a while, I’ve missed you.”

I hate to think how long it’s been, with me feeling nauseous and getting a bigger belly I have not been in the mood at all. She pulls me in and we fight for dominance, eventually I relent, she pulls my shirt over my head discarding it on the floor. She starts kissing my neck her hand move to my breast and when she starts to massage them I am in ecstasy, I don’t remember it feeling this good there is a flash of wetness between my legs and I release a loud moan, I feel her smile against my neck before slowly walking me backwards until I’m on the bed. My shorts are quickly removed before we start kissing again, we break apart and I pull her shirt off it still shocks me sometimes how hot Hope’s body really is, I run my hand down her abs and smile, tugging on her pants until they are gone as well. She starts to move down my neck kissing and licking as she goes, my heart is beating wildly in my chest she spends some time on my breasts before kissing down my stomach it looks strange when I look down at her, the protrusion of my belly clearly visible, but Hope rubs along it lovingly before moving further down. She kisses the side of my thighs before she starts licking the whole length of my slit making me wetter, she inserts her tongue a few times and the sensation is strange and arousing, she does this for a while before placing her mouth around my clit, I didn’t think my breathing could become more erratic but I was wrong once she inserts a finger while her tongue continues to flick my clit, the tremors in my thighs start and my back arches off the bed when I finally tumble over the edge, a long low moan escapes my lips before I’m flat on the bed again. My eyes are still closed but I can feel her move before she starts kissing my belly lightly. I pull her up kissing her deeply I wrap my legs around her waist so she is flush against me, when we break apart I reverse our positions I nibble on her ear, I know she likes that and she shows it by giving me more space and encouraging me to continue. I eventually move down to her jaw and chin, I lick down her abs I can feel them contracting under my tongue, they shiver lightly and I smile, I look up at her and her eyes are on me, her chest heaving. I put a finger in my mouth and slowly swirl my tongue around it, her eyes go wider. I push it slowly in while looking at her, her eyes go completely dark I move slowly at first and then I add another one, she closes her eyes and lean her head back but I command her to keep her eyes on me. I start to move faster her eyes on me the whole time; I can feel her muscles start to tighten I place my thumb on her clit rubbing it as I curl my fingers upward, she exhales sharply and throws her head back, her orgasm rippling through her body. I can’t help but look at her as she comes down from her high; she pulls me towards her and kisses me slowly. She is still breathing a little quickly I lay my head on her chest listening to her heart beating, her heart rate decreases and her breathing becomes steadier, her arms wrapped around me, but I just feel sweaty and sticky and really hot, I kiss her chin.

“Babe?”  
“Mmmm”  
“No offense, but you are just too hot.” She smiles  
“It has never been a problem before.”  
“That’s not what I mean, temperature wise you are too hot.”  
“Oh, right. Let me go get a water bottle. Do you want anything else?”  
“Some yoghurt would be nice.”  
“The one you have been craving the whole time?”  
“That’s the one.”  
“Okay I’ll be right back.” She quickly puts some clothes on before leaving the room, when she gets back she hands me the yoghurt with a cold water bottle, and it’s nice and cold.  
“Just keep that icicle on your side of the bed.” She kisses me again before getting in next to me.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Hope” I whisper, but no reaction  
“Hope, are you awake.”  
“Hu-uh, mmmmm”  
“Baby, please.” She turns around  
“Mmmm what is it?” Her eyes are still closed.  
“I want some peanut butter ice cream, with popcorn and mixed nuts.” She opens her eyes  
“You already had some that after dinner.”  
“I know, can you go get me some, I’m starving and that is all I want.” She sighs and then sits up rubbing her eyes  
“I’ll go right now, be back in about half an hour.”  
“Thank you, I love you.”  
“Ummm mmm.”

I yawn again as I drive to the convenience store, the only good thing about driving so early in the morning is that there is no traffic. I park right next to the door and walk in, the guy behind the counter looks extremely bored and tired. I know where everything is and grab it all quickly when I start walking towards the counter two young men enter the store and lock the door. My system is immediately flooded with adrenaline; they demand the money from the cashier when he moves to slow one of them hits him in the face and he falls down, he is grunting which I take as a good sign. One of the two men walks around to get the rest of the money, the other guy looks around the store and sees me; he points his gun at me  
“Don’t move, bitch!” I am frozen in the spot as he gets closer I think about Kelley and the baby what would happen if I don’t make it home tonight.  
“Give me your cash and your phone, now!” I fumble when I try to take out the money in my pocket  
“Move it!”  
“I’m….sorry…I …don’t” He looks at me strangely  
“Do I know you?”  
“I…no…don’t”  
“Yeah, you are that goalkeeper; my baby sister loves you, she wants to be just like you. You know what keep your stuff; she would be so pissed if she finds out someone robbed you.” He goes back to the front and he and his partner leave the store. I’m frozen in the spot for a little longer until my brain seems to finally catch up with me again, I go to the front and check on the cashier, he’s bleeding but seems to be fine.  
“Hey, you okay?” My voice is shaking, he nods his head. When I pull my phone from my pocket my hands are shaking, I struggle to put the pin in to open it. When I finally get it open I dial 911 and relay as much information as I can. While I wait for the police it dawns on me that Kelley is still waiting for me I call her  
“Babyyy! What is taking so long?”  
“I….uhm…I’m sorry but the store got robbed.”  
“What!? Are you okay?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine….I just….I need to wait for the police.”  
“Yeah yeah of course, do you want me to go down there?”  
“No! Just stay safe in bed. I’ll be back as soon as I can. I love you.”  
“I love you.” The police walk in as soon as I hang up the phone. I get asked a few questions while the cashier is checked out by the paramedics. When I’m about to leave I realise I don’t have what I came for.  
“Uhm, can I pay for this?” The cops tell me I can so I leave the money on the counter and drive home. I feel like I’m in a daze, everything is moving in slow motion, when I get home Kelley is in the garage before I’m even out of the car. I don’t think she has ever hugged me like this before  
“Are you okay?”  
“I’m fine”  
“You’re not fine; you’re as white as a sheet”  
“I kept thinking about what would happen if I didn’t make it back tonight, the thought of leaving you alone, of not meeting our kid, it scared me to death.”  
“I’m just so glad you’re here.” She pulls me into a tight hug again. “Try not to scare me like that again.”  
“I’ll do my best. Can we just go back to bed?”  
“Sure anything you want.” I then realise I still have everything in the car  
“Do you still want your snacks?”  
“Let’s just pack it away for now.” When we get back to bed I can’t help but pull her closer, her smell calms me, she rubs her hands up and down my back; my head is tucked under her chin. I feel myself slowly drift off.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I wish people would have told me how uncomfortable the last month of pregnancy was, I thought I was uncomfortable and tired before, I had no idea what I was in for. Every part of my body is practically swollen, I can’t find a comfortable position to sit never mind sleep in eating gives me such terrible heartburn I honestly wonder if I’m not going to burn a hole through my chest; but Hope has been such a trooper through it all, she hasn’t complained once, she gives me massages whenever I want and she even gave up coffee when I complained about her drinking it while I couldn’t, which is a miracle since she loves coffee even more than I do. And even with all of this the last few days have been extra uncomfortable and I couldn’t pinpoint why  
“Urgh, I think it’s time for you to get out little one.”  
“You feeling okay babe?”  
“I’m feeling extra uncomfortable today.”  
“Anything I can do?”  
“Induce labour?”  
You’re three days away; I think you can do it.”  
“Exactly, three days won’t make a big difference.”  
“How about you go sit in the pool for a bit and I’ll make you some lemonade and a sandwich; how does that sound?”  
“The pool part sounds fantastic, the lemonade part not so much, can I have a milkshake instead and a burger?”  
“Good to see your obsession with hamburgers are still intact; but should you have both?”  
“I am carrying a child I think I deserve a hamburger and milkshake.”  
“That’s not what I mean; I’m talking about your heartburn that seems to be the worst when you eat too much at a time, maybe you can have one now and the other one a little later.”  
“Oh, yeah, good point, can I have the burger first?”  
“Anything you want.” Sitting in the pool I started smelling the burger. Man Hope could be a chef her burgers are so juicy and full of flavour, but there was something strange about the smell. When I saw the burger I knew exactly why it smelled different  
“What is this?”  
“A chicken burger”  
“Where is the beef?”  
“Babe, you’ve already had beef twice this week; that is the limit we decided on.”  
“A burger is not a burger without beef.”  
“Kelley, please just try it, and if you don’t like it I’ll eat it and make you a milkshake instead.”  
“Okay, but don’t get in just yet.” Her face tells me that she is getting annoyed with me right now, and when I take a bite I instantly regret making such a fuss, it was delicious and not what I was expecting it to taste like at all. I see Hope sit down on the edge of the pool her feet in the water, I walk to her  
“Wanna bite?”  
“You don’t mind sharing?”  
“I think you should taste your masterpiece over here.” She just smiles as I hand her the burger she takes a bite  
“Damn I am good.”  
“You have no idea.”  
“Hey now, get your mind out of the gutter.”  
“I can’t help it; look at you right now, all of my favourite things in one. She blushes and I love the fact that I can still do that to her  
“Why don’t you get into the pool with me?”  
“I will, only after you finish this; I did not slave over a hot stove for you.”  
“Why do you have to be so difficult?”  
“I’m not, I’m just making sure you eat; there is nothing wrong with that.”  
“Then hand me that burger so I can take another bite.” I almost finish it, but I give the last few bites to Hope.  
“I wanna make sure you have some energy.”  
“Why would I need some energy?”  
“Well, you have on a swim suit, I have one on too, and we are in the pool.”  
“So I will need energy for swimming?”  
“Are you going to make me say it?”  
“No, but it’s good to know that you are willing to.”  
“You know what, never mind I’ll just swim by myself.” She hops into the pool and swims over to me  
“Are you going to stay mad at me?” She wraps her arms around my waist and kisses me on the cheek because I have my face turned away from her.  
“You will have to do more than that.” She kisses my pulse point and pulls me closer  
“What about now”  
“Getting closer” She turns me around and kisses me  
“What about now?” My eyes are still closed and I just pull her back in, I feel like wrapping my legs around her waist, but my belly is making it impossible to do that. Instead she slowly walks me to the stairs that lead into the pool, and then she picks me up  
“Where are we going?” I ask with my lips against hers  
“Inside.” She kisses me again but stops after a short while  
“Sorry I just need to breathe a little.”  
“You never needed to before, what are you trying to say?”  
“That you are nine months pregnant….and as beautiful as ever.” 

Just the fact that she can pick me up and walk is impressive enough; I kiss her neck until she puts me down on the couch; we share a long passionate kiss before I realise that she has undone my top. She massages my breasts tenderly she knows they are a little sensitive; she kisses down to my jaw she moves down to my neck and continues downward. As she goes downward my heartrate increases steadily, when she pulls down my shorts my breath hitches when the cool air hits my thighs; she starts off agonizingly slow and my breathing increases as her speed increases. Soon I feel that familiar feeling, my thighs start shaking a little at first and then my muscles contract as I go over the edge. When I start to breathe normally again I open my eyes and see Hope as she is putting some of my hair behind my ear before smiling down at me.  
“That will never get old.”  
“I hope not.”  
“Trust me, it would be impossible.”  
“Why don’t you try and take a nap, you look tired…but radiant as always.”  
“Good comeback.” I yawn just as I finish saying this “What about you?”  
“I’m sure I can find someone to help me out.” I punch her lightly  
“Don’t even joke about that.”  
“You know I only have eyes for you…don’t worry about it, why don’t we go take a nap upstairs, in our nice comfy bed.”  
“That sounds really good actually; think you can help me upstairs, my legs feel a little shaky?”  
“You don’t even have to ask.” 

I wake up to a few stomach cramps only to then realise that the bed is wet  
“What the hell?” I sit up and look around  
“Oh.” I shake Hope a little  
“Baby, I need you to wake up.”  
“Uhhmmmm” I whisper in her ear  
“Hope my water broke.” She shoots up in the bed  
“What? Are you okay? We need to get your bag; do you know where your bag is?”  
“Babe calm down, I think I’m going to change first then we can go. My bag is in the closet why don’t you take it with you to the car when you pull it out?”  
“Yeah okay I can do that.” She gives me a quick kiss as I get up to go to the bathroom.  
When I get out of the door Hope is waiting for me  
“Are you okay? Do you need anything?” The cramps haven’t gotten worse since I woke up  
“Yeah I’m okay, are you?”  
“Yeah, yeah….I’m good.”  
“Okay so let’s get going.” Hope drives a little too fast  
“Babe, you don’t have to drive so fast, remember the books say the first baby takes a while to get here and my contractions are still very far apart.”  
“Okay, I just want to make sure we get there with enough time to get comfortable in your room.”  
“Okay, but focus on getting us there in one piece.” She is already driving much slower  
“I will get us there in one piece.” Once we make it to the hospital Hope takes care of everything and I just have to change and get into the bed and wait, she comes in with our obstetrician.  
“How are you feeling Kelley?”  
“Not too bad, the cramps are getting more intense but still manageable.”  
“That’s good, let me take a look here and see what’s going on.” She puts on her gloves before taking a look  
“Everything is looking good here, you still have a way to go; you’re only dilated two centimeters. The nurses will keep an eye on you and I will be back in about an hour to come and check on you again.”  
“Okay that sounds good, thank you doctor.” She smiles as she leaves the room.  
“How are you feeling?”  
“Hope I just said I was fine.”  
“Do you want me to get you anything?”  
“Yeah I need you to get me some warm water and towels.” I laugh at the expression on her face  
“That’s not funny.”  
“Nothing is happening yet, I need you to calm down and call my parents to let them know what’s happening, and then I need you to call Carli so she can help you calm down as well.”  
“Would you not rather talk to your mom?”  
“No, it’s fine, I trust you to do it.” She nods her head and pulls out her phone, while she is talking to my mom, I feel another contraction, they still aren’t too bad, and I’ve had muscle cramps much worse than this. I hear Hope saying goodbye to my mom.

The contractions have gotten much worse and much closer together, Hope is now next to me holding my hand so I can squeeze when I feel a strong contraction. It has been a few hours now and I can see the finish line, the doctor has been here for about ten minutes 

“Are you sure you don’t want an epidural, we are getting close to the time where it won’t be an option anymore.”  
“I’m…..ooooooohhhh.” I breathe through the contraction and squeeze Hope’s hand I think I might break it if it goes on much longer “I’m sure.”  
“Okay you just need to hold on a bit longer, you are almost fully dilated and then we will get that little baby out of you.”  
“Sounds good to me doc.” I am hit by another contraction this one the worst by far, Hope dries off my face with a towel  
“Do you want some ice chips?”  
“No, I just want this baby out of me.”  
“Almost there baby.” I try to keep my breathing under control to try and save some energy. After a few more contractions the doctor tells me it’s time and I should start pushing, it is a relief to hear. I wait for the instructions from the doctor of when to push, the pain is slowly giving way to excitement and when I hear her cry for the first time tears spring to my own eyes. She certainly has a pair of lungs on her, the nurse hands her to me she has a full head of black hair and pink chubby cheeks and the tiniest fingers. She is lying on my chest I keep looking from her to Hope; she has tears flowing down her cheeks and looks at her with pure admiration, she looks at me and then kisses my forehead  
“You did so good baby, she’s perfect.” By now she has stopped crying, it looks like she is going to fall asleep.  
“Have the two of you decided on a name yet?” We look at each other and reply at the same time  
“Riley Solo-O’Hara.” At first I wasn’t sure about putting my surname at the end, but Hope pointed out that she will have much more family on the O’Hara side than the Solo side, and she will actually meet and love the O’Hara clan whereas the Solos are not going to play a big part in her life if any. When the nurse takes Riley away to clean her up properly, weigh and measure her and get her dressed I am hit by pure exhaustion, I don’t think I have ever been this tired. Hope seems to pick up on this as she slowly runs her fingers through my hair  
“You should get some sleep, it’s been a long day; I’ll make sure Riley is okay.”

I don’t think I will ever forget looking at Riley for the first time, I never knew that I could feel this kind of love for a person I just met, I want to take her in my arms and never let go she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. While Kelley is sleeping in her room I go everywhere with Riley I don’t want her to be alone, I can’t leave her alone right now, what if she needs me. She cries the whole time the nurse cleans her and dresses her but I can’t help but smile, right now I think it’s the most amazing sound in the world. When the nurse is finished she hands her to me and I’m trembling, I sway side to side to try and calm her down

 

“Hey there baby girl, I’m really happy to meet you; and I can’t wait for your mama to meet you too, she’s a little tired right now but she’ll be up before you know it” She falls asleep while I hold her, the nurse tells me they can put her in Kelley’s room, I just have to put her down in the crib and they will take her. I put her down slowly and softly not wanting to wake her; I walk with the nurse and Riley as we go to Kelley’s room; Kelley is still sleeping she looks good for someone who just had a baby. With both Kelley and Riley sleeping I call Kelley’s mom and tell her what is going on, they will only get here tomorrow morning but she begs for a picture of Riley and I am all too happy to take a few and send them to her. I send one of her to most of our teammates with a message saying ‘Introducing Riley Solo-O’Hara’; Carli called almost immediately and my phone was vibrating constantly with all the congratulatory messages. I go to the cafeteria to get some food and on my way back I hear Riley crying, when I get in the room Kelley is awake and trying to get out of bed  
“No no, stay there I will bring her to you, I think she’s hungry.”  
“I think you are right.” One of the nurses comes in checking to see if everything is okay  
“Is this her first feeding?”  
“It will be.”  
“Okay well let’s see how she does.” The nurse gives Kelley some tips on how to get her to latch on, but once she does she is eating like a champion.  
“At least we know whose appetite she has.”  
“Hopefully she’ll eat cereal with water too, that way you’ll be the weird one in the house.”  
“Oh god, I really hope not.” I kiss Kelley on the forehead  
“Can you believe she is all ours? She’s so beautiful.”  
“She is gorgeous, just like her mama.”  
“Wait, who is going to be mama and who is going to be mom? She can’t call us both mama.”  
“You are mama, and I am mom.”  
“I thought you were mama and I was mom.”  
“No, remember we flipped a coin to see who is going to be whom and you chose tails and it landed on heads, meaning I got to choose and I chose mom.”  
“Right, she definitely looks more like you, she has your nose and she eats like you too.”  
“She eats like a champion then.”  
“She sure does.” She falls asleep again as soon as Kelley gets her to burp.  
“Your parents will be here tomorrow, and I already sent a picture of Riley to the team, they’re excited to meet her soon.”  
“We can have them come over once we have her home and we’ve had some time alone with her, I don’t want to share her just yet.”  
“I know what you mean, let me put her back down and you can get some more sleep.”

I kiss her on the forehead before putting her down; when I turn around Kelley is half asleep she has this smile on her face that I have never seen before, I look back down at Riley and softly comb her hair to one side.  
I go to sit down next to the bed, Kelley is asleep and so is Riley, and I am overcome with an emotion I have never felt before a feeling of pride and love, this is my family and I can't believe I have one; my last thought is that this is going to be one hell of a ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so that is it, let me know what you thought in the comments and hopefully the next chapters won't take too long to write.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is short but the next chapters will be longer. I'm not really sure where this is going yet, so feel free to give me some feedback and hope you enjoy it


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